Author's Note: As an important note: this is set AFTER The Final. I have the movie verse in mind when I wrote this. Also, I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough about this, but the first FIVE CHAPTERS of this convoluted mess can be found at "a distant part of the sky"
An Unexpected Invitation
Yahiko was not in the best of moods as he side-stepped the broken dojo gate, hanging uselessly by the entrance. Like an open invitation for all the starving, idiot villains of Japan to come and experience Kaoru's delightful dinners filled with awkward silences, murderous threats, perfectly cooked rice and burnt eel.
It was almost funny. Except he got to experience it last night and there wasn't anything remotely amusing about it. At all. He had not been able to ask Kenshin about the specifics of his discussion with Saitou, although from the way Kenshin had greeted him this morning, shoulders held high and tensed, eyes narrowed and reddened from lack of sleep, Yahiko knew bad news when he saw one.
He didn't press for details, knowing there will be time for that later, but he also didn't appreciate Kenshin sending him on a stupid errand. And while he hadn't thought of it that way when Kenshin had asked him to hunt down Sanosuke and bring him to the dojo, it certainly turned into another disaster because of course, Yahiko found Sano extremely hungover.
A state which the streetfighter had the audacity to blame on Kenshin, of all people! Yahiko had grumbled about Sano's inability to act his age especially at an important crisis like this. They needed to have an emergency family meeting. Or worst-case scenario, an intervention. Because, obviously, Kaoru wasn't thinking clearly about this whole Saitou blackmailing Yukishiro into inviting her over to Shanghai - as his wife! (vomit!) - on some stupid government mission. He patiently tried to tell Sano all of this, but was only rewarded with incoherent ramblings about marriage proposals and wishing numerous violent deaths on Kenshin's psychotic brother-in-law.
"Our friend really knows how to pick 'em, huh?" Sano grudgingly muttered. "Bet this Tomoe-san was reeeaaaallly pretty. I tell you, Yahiko, it's always the most beautiful women who have problematic pasts."
A betrayal! Yahiko thought with disgust. Busu might have the violent tendencies and vocabulary of a pirate but there wasn't anyone he could think of that was - well, fine. Kaoru wasn't the prettiest in their neighborhood but Sanosuke wasn't allowed to say that. And since Sanosuke was saying it out loud, for all the world to hear, without fear of the possible consequences, Yahiko certainly wasn't going to drag him back to the dojo in his current state. Yahiko feared that that might finally warrant his permanent eviction from Kaoru's house. He made an abrupt about face. Kenshin and Kaoru can wait. He needed Sanosuke sober. Or at least cured from his raging hungover.
"Hey. Wait. You're going in the wrong direction. Dojo's dattaway."
"You are going to get us both killed." Yahiko stated in the gravest voice he could muster to which Sano responded with a hearty laugh.
"Oh, kid. I didn't mean that Kenshin's ex-wife was prettier than Jou-chan. No one could be prettier than our Jou-chan. Well, maybe except for Keiko and Yuki and well, we can't forget Megumi, can we? But really, aside from them and yeah, Tae-san's definitely older but still… I don't think Jou-chan will begrudged us of that. Oh, also there's…."
And on and on Sano went about the girls prettier than their Jou-chan. Yahiko gritted his teeth, "I'm going to stuff you with umeboshi so you can shut up for a moment."
The umeboshi that he bought from one of the stalls in the market - With. His. Own. Fucking. Money – worked. Or maybe it was how he attempted to force-feed it to Sano which resulted in a minor tussle that almost got them arrested which was also why they found themselves running towards the dojo, nervously looking back, hoping they have lost Saitou's group of incompetent cops.
Kenshin and his stupid, deceitful errands just to get him out of the house.
Yahiko, sighed bleakly wondering if he can ask Kaoru to have Yukishiro reimburse him for the umeboshi since this was all still technically his fault. If it had been nearing autumn or winter, they could've easily picked persimmons from someone's tree but the heat of the sun mercilessly beating down on their backs was an indication that this was going to be an incredibly long summer. All of that were perfectly good reasons why the first thing that came out of his mouth as they came upon Kenshin and Kaoru silently drinking tea by the engawa was, "your crazy brother-in-law owes me money, Kenshin."
Kenshin gave him a blank look. "Oro?"
"Never mind. I'll add that to my list." Kaoru replied, waving her hands in the air.
Yahiko watched as Kenshin slowly turned his head towards Kaoru, eyes slanting just the tiniest bit, "What list Kaoru-dono?"
He asked this the same time Kaoru's face morphed into a frown as she took in their disheveled appearance. "What happened to both of you?"
It was an impressive way of ignoring Kenshin's question and redirecting his attention towards them. Yahiko and Sano kicked off their sandals, half crawling beside Kaoru, like wayward little children coming home and wanting their mother's attention. Yahiko was both appalled and comforted by the sentiment but he could not deny the comforting way Kaoru made room for them.
"Too much umeboshi, Jou-chan." Sano explained in a pitiful voice.
Yahiko and Kaoru irritably huffed in unison.
"I don't even want to know." She declared, giving them a once over, satisfied that they didn't seem to be in anyway injured. Just excessively dirty and sweaty, as per usual.
And then nothing. Utter silence descended upon them. It was a strange kind of silence that did nothing to ease Yahiko's already darkened mood. Now that they have settled inside, he could sense the tension hanging around them. Like an actual physical thing that he could touch and prod. Kenshin and Kaoru were sitting across from each other, but the way the stiffly held their bodies, it was almost as though they were trying to place as much distance from each other as they could, without being too obvious about it.
He looked from Kenshin to Kaoru before glancing at Sano, discreetly gesturing at the weird vibes he was sensing from their friends. Sano merely shrugged his shoulder, unconcerned. But Yahiko could not help but worry a little. Instinct told him that something had happened while he was gone and it could only be because of one thing. Or rather, one person. "What is going with both of you?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.
Kenshin made strange noises at the back of his throat but it was Kaoru who answered nonchalantly. A little too nonchalantly for Yahiko's taste.
"Nothing? What do you mean? We're having tea. Would you like to have some?
Yahiko vigorously shook his head. "No. And there's definitely something going on."
"Why would you say that, Yahiko?" Kenshin prodded, arms crossed, both of his hands hidden inside the voluminous sleeves of his dark red haori.
"Because yesterday?" Yahiko pressed, unable to keep the incredulity out of his voice. Why were they pretending that nothing had happened last night? Like today was just an ordinary day for tea?!
Kaoru gave him a look, a clucking sound escaping her lips. "Because yesterday, what?"
Sanosuke groaned into his hand. "Kami-sama, I still have a headache. Don't fucking talk that way."
Yahiko watched as Sano turned towards Kaoru, giving her one of his most charming smiles. "I'd like some tea, Jou-chan. Don't mind the brat." A wink was added and Yahiko shuddered. He couldn't stand it whenever men – even their friends – would try to charm Kaoru because it never, ever worked. They were all idiots. Kaoru would never fall for that eyebrow wiggling and low-voiced requests for tea.
"Here, it has barely in it." Kaoru very graciously handed Sano a cup.
Sano raised his eyes, playfully wiggling his eyebrows. "Is that supposed to cure hangovers? Cause I already ate umeboshi."
Yahiko gave Sano a dirty look. "Will you shut up about that already?" He had to fight off the urge to knock the cup of tea from Sano's hand. He turned to Kaoru, "Something happened while I was away. Tell me now." He could not help his rising agitation. This was about Yukishiro and Saitou and that dumb Shanghai mission and Kaoru had promised him that he will not be excluded from whatever it was that was going on. She promised that he will be treated like an adult.
Kaoru met his stare, lips tightly pressed together, it looked like a hard line had been drawn on her face. "Calm down, Yahiko. You need to drink tea." She silently nudged the cup towards him, the contents sloshing and almost spilling unto the wooden tray.
There was a half-snort from Kenshin and Yahiko watched as Kaoru twisted her mouth to the side, puffing out air that briefly blew her bangs off her forehead. A sure sign that she was trying to hold back, but would inevitably, unleash a verbal attack.
"You can shove your -" He began, getting annoyed at the impromptu tea ceremony that he was being forced to participate.
"Hey, brat! Watch it!" Sano had sat up straighter, sending him a questioning glare.
"What? I'm trying to have an incredibly stupid conversation here with Kaoru and Kenshin, stop interrupting us."
Sano rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Alright, fine. Geez." He made a show of looking around the dojo, making tsssing sounds, before nodding at Kenshin, aggressively brushing his thumb on his nose. "So where is your bastard brother-in-law, Kenshin? Heard he went a-visiting last night. Sorry I missed it."
Kaoru frowned. "He isn't actually a bastard." She quietly corrected, keeping her eyes downcast. "You shouldn't call him that."
Sano's eyebrows worriedly slammed together at the middle of his forehead. "Really, Jou-chan?"
See! Yahiko wanted to tell, Sano. See what's happening?! But he didn't have to, he knew from the troubled expression on Sano's face that the severity of the situation had finally been revealed to him. "I've had it with that jerk." Yahiko mumbled with vehemence. "He better not come back here ever again."
Sano was nodding in agreement. "Is that what's going to happen, Jou-chan?"
Kaoru quickly – guiltily – looked away. "Nothing is going to happen."
"Not yet, that is." Kenshin quipped. The tone of resentment was clear as a crystal bell ringing in a solemn, abandoned temple; something they have never heard from Kenshin. Not as a direct response from something that Kaoru had said. It was enough to make everyone squirm uncomfortably in their seats. Kaoru was looking everywhere but Kenshin.
"Were you fighting? Are you still fighting?" Yahiko had assumed the worst and this was confirmed by Kenshin's curt answer.
"We're drinking tea, Yahiko, that we are."
Yahiko almost gasped as he realized that Kenshin was being sarcastic. Another first! And this time Kaoru glared at Kenshin who merely tilted his head to the side, almost like a silent dare.
"You are fighting then." He had to confirm it out loud, otherwise, Yahiko wouldn't actually believe that the impossible had happened. Sure, Kenshin and Kaoru had arguments, endless discussions about wanting to do things one way or the other, in order to protect one another. But fighting was different. Fighting wasn't something Kenshin and Kaoru did. Someone always backed down and gave way. Mostly it was Kenshin because, well, Busu-sama had a way of making you agree with her but whenever Kaoru's safety was in question, Kaoru almost always listened to Kenshin.
Kami-sama. This has never happened before. Not Kenshin and Kaoru. They never fought.
He must have looked as awful as he felt, his insides all twisted up because Sano had reached out to grab his shoulder, squeezing and shaking him at the same time. "Look, it's fine. Everyone fights,"
"It is not fine!" He impatiently shrugged off Sano's hand, not wanting to be comforted like a child. If they were fighting, it could only mean one thing. And Yahiko felt his stomach churning with dismay.
Sano didn't seem all that bothered. "So, what's the plan then? I mean, Jou-chan, I actually had a very, very good plan, but did anyone listen to me? Of course not. Don't mind Sano and his brilliant plan. Let's do dumb shit instead." He nudged Kaoru with his shoulder. "Do you want to know what my genius plan was, Jou-chan?
Kenshin had suddenly gone pale. "No. Don't. Sano." There was a strange pleading note in his voice that of course, Kaoru caught on.
"Plan for what?"
Yahiko wasn't going to let this conversation go there. Nope. This needed to stop now. "There is no plan because busu-sama is staying here, right Kaoru?"
More silence. Kaoru back to angrily, silently moving her jaws, like she was chewing her lips or the insides of her cheeks and Kenshin looking at her, eyes almost gleaming with something that hinted at not anger – no, nothing like that – but a kind of frustration that he had never seen before.
"Kaoru?" Yahiko tried again, groaning as Kaoru remained silent. "No, don't fidget like that!" A fidgety Kaoru was always a bad sign.
Kaoru let out a sigh, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. "What is with the attitude, Yahiko?"
"Why can't you just answer the question?" The words were angrily gritted out and now he could feel Sano and Kenshin worriedly glancing at them.
Another round of hand raising, hand shaking, hand uselessly flapping about from Kaoru. "Because – I don't – I don't know yet."
The flustered confession did nothing to make Yahiko feel better. In fact, he was now really, honest to goodness pissed. "WHAT THE HECK, KAORU?! How can you NOT know yet?!"
From beside him, Sano looked just as riled up as he was. "What'd I tell you, huh, Kenshin?"
Kenshin had removed his hands out of the sleeves of his haori, they were now held up, outstretched between him and Kaoru, a placating gesture that did nothing to mollify anyone. "Maa, maa -"
Kaoru was shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "Honestly, you are all over reacting. I haven't made any decision yet."
Sanosuke raised his eyebrows. "How can you even think about it?!"
"Because - it depends and really, I – I don't see why I have to – you aren't – not my father. You don't – I can make my own decisions. I'm not some helpless, little girl-ugh, I can't believe-"
Kenshin, Sanosuke and Yahiko wordlessly looked at each other. This was a familiar rant, one that they have heard dozens of times with different versions depending on what they were asking Kaoru to do (stay back, stay inside the dojo, don't to anything reckless, don't get yourself hurt, leave this to us) and they get that this was mostly her pride and they understood where she was coming from, really. But this wasn't just some petty criminal that needed to be stopped or some legendary manslayer employing an assortment of skilled killers to do his bidding. No. This was Kenshin's murderous, manipulative, avenging, criminal brother-in-law wanting to take her to another country, for Buddha's sake and yes, they can and will tell her what she can't and can't do. And Kaoru can rage and pout all she wants, but it was just not going to happen. Not under their watch.
"It depends on what?" Yahiko demanded, largely ignoring the rest of Kaoru's muttered complaints, most of which he had memorized and swore to rectify, just as long as Kaoru agreed that going to Shanghai was a terrible, terrible idea.
"On whether Saitou will agree to my terms." Kaoru pouted at them, eyes glittering in that unvoiced reprimand that said, see! I have thought this through! I have an actual plan!
Sanosuke was incredulous. "Don't be naïve, Jou-chan. You can't trust Saitou. I can't believe I have to tell this to you!"
"I have a list." Kaoru insisted.
Kenshin remained stoic, grimacing at the mention of another list he was obviously not aware of. "Another list, I see."
Kaoru scowled at Kenshin. "Yes. In fact, why don't we just get this over and done with. Let me get that list and I'll go ask Saitou." She sent Kenshin another look, narrowing her eyes. "Alone." She angrily stood up, paying no attention to their violent cries of dissent, her movement abrupt and jerky enough that her knees hit the table – shaking the cups of untouched tea.
Yahiko watched as Kenshin's hand quickly shot out to steady the quivering porcelain cups, preventing breakage and spillage. Always saving the day, Kenshin - although his quick reflexes couldn't seem to stop Kaoru from walking out on them. They all winced as Kaoru hissed in pain but they all know her enough not to fuss over her – especially now, when she was like this – or even ask if she was alright. She was already half way out of the room, muttering darkly and keeping her back straight.
Kenshin didn't even wait until she was out of hear shot before angrily stating, "Like hell you will."
A nervous look passed between him and Sano. Something definitely happened between the two. Something much, much more significant than a mere fight.
Of course, Kaoru wasn't going to Saitou's office alone. She knew that. Yahiko knew that. Everyone knew that. But while they waited outside for her, Kenshin started off his speech with: "Kaoru-dono thinks that we do not trust her judgement with regards to…" he paused, unable to continue and Sano gave him a stony look. Their friend let out a tired sigh. "She's been trying to tell us this and we owe it to her because she has never failed us."
Yahiko thought this was the most effective way to make them all feel guilty and he half resented Kenshin for being so good at it.
"She is her own person and we should never force our will-" Kenshin needed to take a deep breath, grimacing at his next words. "She keeps things from us because she feels that we will immediately shut her down."
The list comes into Yahiko's mind and it was obviously what Kenshin was referring to. It clearly grated on Kenshin's nerve that Kaoru had withheld that information from him. Although, to be quite honest, Kenshin had also withheld important information from Kaoru before - and all for the very same reason. Because Kaoru would have immediately shut Kenshin's heroic I-Will-Do-Things-Alone tendencies down. Not verbally though. She's more like to try to knock Kenshin unconscious first. But, whatever. Yahiko was old enough to recognized the irony of it all and what Kenshin was trying to tell them. Or himself, most probably.
Sanosuke was shaking his head. "Che, Kenshin. We get it, okay. It's just that, Jou-chan does not know when to stop. She'll help anyone even if it's your evil incarnate of a brother-in-law."
"But that's her decision to make." This was stated with finality. Kenshin looked at them for a whole second, making sure that they knew he was being serious; that the dangerous golden glint in his eyes was warning enough. "We will let her decide because it is her right. We have to show her that we do trust her and that is why we will not judge; we will listen to what she has to tell Saitou and we keep our opinions to ourselves, until she asks for it."
"Fine." Sano muttered unhappily.
When it was his turn to answer, Yahiko almost wanted to defy Kenshin. The pained expression on Kenshin's face was enough to let him know that of the three of them, this was the hardest for him. He briefly looked away, trying to gather his thoughts. He wanted this to count, he wanted Kenshin to listen to what he had to say. "What's the point of us going with her to Saitou, then?" Yahiko asked, not caring to mask the challenging tone in his voice. "Why bother at all? Just let her do whatever she wants, regardless of the risk. That's what you're saying, ne?"
Kenshin nodded his head in acknowledgement of the unvoiced dissent. It was noted. It will be remembered. "I shall bear the risks she takes. It's my duty."
The absolution was unnecessary and it was incredibly selfish on Kenshin's part to carry it all by himself, because Yahiko will bear it too. So would Sano, but it he understood what Kenshin meant and Yahiko could live with that. "Fine." He finally, grumblingly echoed Sanosuke.
They all agreed that they were going with Kaoru only to make sure that she would not be taken advantage of. They would have to try their best to keep their mouth shuts and let Kaoru take the lead, so to speak. This was her show. In what capacity they were going to participate will be all up to her. An incredibly terrifying prospect, but it was that or have her do things behind their backs and Kami knows Kaoru was quite capable of that. Better this way. At least they would know exactly what was going on.
When Kaoru walked out of the gate dressed in a more formal kimono, the color of gray skies, the three of them were already waiting for her. She didn't even bother giving them dirty looks. She started off, head held up high and they all silently followed her. A somber procession that reminded Yahiko of a funeral for a man that no one liked. He quickly shook his head, dislodging the awful thought.
Everything was fine. Kaoru was going to be stubbornly kind and helpful, but they will also be stubbornly adamant that it will only be done if her safety was assured. Nothing less. Or so Buddha help him, Yahiko will start a fucking war with Yukishiro Enishi and their incompetent government.
Saitou was the picture of apoplectic rage when he saw them being ushered inside his office. If he had known that they were all coming to his office, he said, glowering at them, he would have gladly committed seppuku.
Or actually, his life was definitely worth more than all of theirs combined. No sense throwing it away. He should have just resigned right there and then and let them figure out how to make sense of the mountain of paper work that sat most imperially on top of his massive table.
"Maybe you're just disorganized, Saitou-san." Kaoru unhelpfully pointed out, earning her a glare from Saitou which earned Saitou a glare from all of them. Much eye rolling and smoking of cigarette ensued.
This was not how Yahiko had wanted to spend his day.
"Maybe you should resign seeing as you've managed to fuck up everything that you have handled so far. Makoto and now Yukishiro." Sano drawled out, leaning on the wall at the farthest side of the room. The safest distance from Saitou.
Saitou wordless placed his cigarette on what looked like an expensive porcelain ashtray, the curls of smoke from his cigarette briefly catching the late morning sunrays and Yahiko could see a thousand grains of dust floating around Saitou. It made him look menacing as he nodded at Sanosuke, "Maybe I should kill you and not resign so that I'll have immunity from the law."
Sano yawned, clearly unimpressed. "Immunity won't save you from my fist."
That immediately set the tone for their meeting. And then everything just went downhill from there. Like anyone was even actually surprised by that.
Yahiko, who was sitting next to Kenshin, watched as Kaoru very carefully spread out a piece of parchment on top of Saitou's table, using her palm to flatten it; letting everyone nervously squirm around her, because only Kami-sama knows what she had written on it. Even Kenshin looked apprehensive.
Saitou had never clearly known or practiced the virtue of patience as he angrily slammed his fist on the table, sheaves of paper fluttering down and mixing with other piled-up documents. "Mother of Buddha. Just read it, Tanuki!"
Kaoru, complete unperturbed, harrumphed with disdain. "You know, you should offer us some tea first, it's only polite."
"Read it or I'm throwing the lot of you out of my office, starting with you." Saitou had leaned forward, so that he was face to face with Kaoru, who barely even flinched but Yahiko could feel Kenshin tensing beside him and he wasn't exactly sure how he'll stop Kenshin from attacking Saitou should Saitou decide to do something stupid, like touching a strand of Kaoru's hair.
Thankfully, Kaoru backed down. Letting out an exaggerated sigh, she sat further into her chair, silent for a moment, making sure she had everyone's undivided attention. She didn't bother looking at her list. She obviously already had it memorized. Instead, she kept her eyes locked on Saitou, enunciating each world clearly and firmly. "Number One: this will be the last time you will ever use me to make Kenshin do anything."
A look of surprise flitted across Saitou's face, mirroring all of their expression, except for Kaoru of course, who remained perfectly calm. After a heartbeat, Saitou threw back his head, briefly staring at the ceiling, before letting out a short bark of what Yahiko supposed was laughter, although he couldn't be sure. "Oh, for the love of Kami."
From the back of the room, Sano let out a shrill whistle. Whoooo-weeee, Jou-chan!
Kaoru wasn't amused. "Well, I don't hear you agreeing, so I guess we should leave now." She made a move to stand up but Saitou quickly shook his head, pinning her with his gaze.
"Sit down, Tanuki." He then turned his attention to Kenshin, "Did you make her write this stupid list?"
Kaoru looked appropriately indignant. "It is not a stupid list - "
It took Kenshin a whole second to answer, as he was intently staring at Kaoru; his face was half hidden in the shadows but Yahiko can see his jaws clenching and unclenching. Kaoru met his stare, shoulders thrown back, chin jutting out in defiance, her teeth visibly, nervously biting her lower lips. Something wordless and completely unknowable to Yahiko – a form of communication? A dare? A silent reprimand? - passed between the two and Yahiko could feel his own jaws working as he waited for Kenshin's reply.
"This is all Kaoru-dono." Kenshin finally answered, letting out a weary sigh that seemed to fill up the silence of the room. He slumped back in his chair. It wasn't a defeated, resigned posture, but there was something vulnerable in the way he let his chin drop to his chest, his face strained with so many flitting emotions, Yahiko wasn't able to work out if the ex-rurouni was thankful, touched, appalled, overwhelmed, saddened, joyful or upset all together.
As for himself, Yahiko had to grudgingly conceded that it took some serious balls for Kaoru to actually make demands from Saitou and it wasn't something frivolous too. It was incredibly well thought of. He looked at Kaoru as though seeing her for the first time and he felt a strong wave of affection and awe for her – for her unwavering kindness and ability to put the needs of others first before her.
Saitou actually stubbed his cigarette out, purely out of shock, Yahiko could only guess, but it seemed to indicate that he was finally taking this conversation seriously.
"I actually believe you, Battousai." He muttered with a shake of his head before turning back to Kaoru and Yahiko could tell that Saitou was looking at Kaoru differently too. A new found respect, maybe? "Before you go on, just how many demands do you have, Kamiya?"
Kaoru raised her eyebrows, unused to be having Saitou talk to her without the usual disdainful undertones. They all noticed and they all felt that it was merited. Kaoru held herself with more confidence now, silently accepting the tacit approval Saitou had given her. "Just three in fact."
"Alright, go on then. Let's hear it." Saitou almost sounded interested.
Kaoru took a deep breath. "Number two, my dojo and I will be compensated while I –" Kenshin loudly cleared his throat, interrupting her and Kaoru stopped, rolled her eyes before amending her statement. "While we are off to Shanghai doing work for the government."
Saitou turned up his nose at that. It was as if he had expected something more altruistic from Kaoru and asking compensation for rendering services for the government – which may or may not cost her life – seemed like such a petty request. "Your dojo is incurring losses everyday even if you're here in Tokyo."
Kaoru arched her eyebrows. "So? The losses will only double up since I am not in Tokyo."
Saitou didn't say anything, but he made a gesture indicating that Kaoru should continue.
This time, Kaoru hesitated, briefly closing her eyes. "Lastly, I refuse to - "
She was rudely cut off when a young-looking officer nervously opened the door, sticking his head in. "Ugh, sir, excuse me, please. There is someone who wants to talk to you and is insisting that-"
The door suddenly swung open and who else would show up but Yukishiro Enishi himself. Yahiko felt his hands balling into tight fists as Kenshin's brother-in-law boldly sauntered inside Saitou's office, looking ridiculous as ever in his lavender jacket and pants ensemble. The color of his attire seemed to reflect on his white hair and for a moment he looked like a right idiot with lavender colored hair.
Fucker.
"Are you reporting me?" Yukishiro asked after glancing at each one of them. He didn't sound at all surprised, as though he had expected them to be here first thing in the morning, reporting him. That or he was probably spying on them.
Narcissistic son of a bitch. Of course he would think that this was about him. "No one gives a shit about you." Yahiko angrily retorted.
Yukishiro barely even looked at him. He kept his eyes on Kenshin, smirking. "I told you I am working for the government now. Being pardoned and all."
"Get out of my office." Saitou declared and Yahiko almost – almost – wanted to let out an affectionate cheer for Saitou.
The young officer visibly paled, knowing that's he's going to be in so much fucking trouble but unable to do anything. "Sir, truly, I tried to stop him but-"
"Here is fine." Yukishiro ambled further into the room, all nauseating swagger and self-assurance. He stopped right in front of Kaoru before casually occupying the empty chair next to her. The one Sano should have been sitting on, but of course, Sano wanted to look cool leaning on a wall.
Dumbass. Yahiko sent him a glare but Sano was too busy throwing Yukishiro murderous glares of his own to notice.
Saitou bared his teeth, actually hissing and for a moment, Yahiko was sure that swords will be drawn but somehow, Saitou was able to reign in his anger. He made a slicing motion of his hand, dismissing the poor officer who looked like he was about to pee on his uniform. "Kami. This is turning out to be the worst fucking day of my life."
"The worst, truly?" Kenshin asked through gritted teeth, sounding half-amused, half enraged.
"You," Saitou said, ignoring Kenshin's comment and pointing a finger instead at Yukishiro who was crossing his legs, unconcernedly flicking off imaginary lint out of his lavender pants, "aren't at a liberty to be discussing anything about your pardon, you imbecile!"
Yukishiro paused to push his glasses up his eyes. "I haven't said anything that isn't on the document you gave me."
Sano was shaking his head, looking rightfully furious. "What the fuck, you're just going to let him do as he please?" He pushed himself off the wall, but Kenshin only had to half-raise his hand to make Sano stop in his tracks, fist tightly clenched on his sides.
"Shut it, Sagara or I'm going to get you escorted out of this precinct right this instant."
Sano was about to say something else, but Kaoru had turned towards Yukishiro, giving him a withering look of disapproval. "You are not invited to this meeting, Enishi."
Yukishiro bared his teeth in what could only be the smile of the utterly insane. "I believe it's a collaborative effort, Kamiya. Better get used to it."
Yahiko had to wonder why Kaoru wasn't flinching at the blatant display of madness. Busu had always been brave. Sometimes, stupidly so. "She's not even going." Yahiko butted in, unable to control his temper.
"I don't remember asking you."
The icy tones directed at him was enough to send shivers down Yahiko's spine and Kenshin must have felt it because he immediately went into protective mode, leaning over. "Enishi-" there was a warning tone in Kenshin's voice which didn't seem to bother Yukishiro, but it definitely made Kaoru sit up and move a few inches away from Kenshin's brother-in-law. Not enough, Yahiko thought to himself. He would feel so much better if something more permanent – let's say jail time – would keep Yukishiro away from Kaoru.
"Shut up, all of you!" Saitou snapped at them, fingers massaging his temples. "Kamiya here has a set of demands she wants to make before she agrees to the plan." He updated Yukishiro, giving him a look of pure and absolute contempt. It was clear that Saitou did not approve of how Stupid Hair had sought out Kaoru, giving her enough information and time to come up with these set of demands that he now had to take into consideration.
Good, Yahiko thought. The more people hated Yukishiro, the better he felt. There was something assuring about Saitou loathing Yukishiro's guts. The more the merrier.
But if Yukishiro felt that derision, he made no show of it. He was back to smiling, looking pleased at the information. "Cunning. I always did want to marry an intelligent woman. A pretty face becomes boring after a while, you know."
Kaoru's faced scrunched up in confusion, trying to figure out if she was being complimented or not. She shook her head and turned towards Saitou, "Actually, I was just getting to my last demand and Enishi will have to hear this too."
Yukishiro grinned at her. "I am all ears, future-wife."
Yahiko could feel his blood growing cold at the way Snow Hat was leering at Kaoru and beside him Kenshin seemed to be struggling to keep his reactions at bay. This was Kaoru's time to talk and he wasn't going to interrupt her but Yahiko could sense that Kenshin was more than ready to jump out of his seat and maybe – hopefully – strangle Yukishiro so they can all just go home and forget about this nightmare. This will be something they can laugh about in two years' time: Remember when Kaoru actually wanted to help out Enishi and how Kenshin put an end to that? Yeah. Good times.
"I will not," Kaoru was saying, her voice, strong and unwavering, "under any circumstance go to Shanghai as Yukishiro's wife."
An audible sigh of relief from everyone except from Saitou and Yukishiro.
Bastards.
Yukishiro actually had the gall to look mystified, as though Kaoru was speaking in another language that he could not quite understand. "And why not? Do you find that offensive? Unacceptable?"
Kaoru stared at Yukishiro. "Well, no. I mean, yes." She very visibly gritted her teeth, shaking her head. "I don't have to explain anything to you. So there."
Unruffled by Kaoru's cold treatment, Yukishiro calmly stated, "I'm afraid the plan won't work then."
"Fantastic! Can we all go home now?" Yahiko asked, but Kaoru obviously had other plans because she cheerfully suggested instead to go as Yukishiro's apprentice.
An audible groan of disbelief from everyone except from Saitou and Yukishiro.
Fucking bastards.
"A woman apprentice for a Chinese Mafia boss." Saitou snorted with glee, his new found respect for her suddenly forgotten. "Tanuki, you can't be that dumb."
Kenshin moved to the edge of his seat, an angry red streak rising up on his scarred cheek. It gave him a look of ferocity that even Saitou flinched. "You do not talk to her that way, that you do not."
Yukishiro, surprisingly nodded in agreement. "Careful not to disrespect my future wife, Saitou-sama."
Their joined voices, cold and menacing in its calmness made Yahiko and Sano look at each other with sudden trepidation. Uh-oh.
Kaoru didn't seem to notice. She shook her head, unwilling to be dissuaded from her incredibly idiotic idea. "I can pretend to be a boy. I mean, if I cut off my hair-"
"Kaoru-dono, you don't have to do that!" Kenshin suddenly interrupted, sounding extremely mournful and Kaoru's face visibly softened, the tiniest of blush blooming on her face.
Yukishiro gave Kaoru a measured glance before shaking his head. "You aren't flat chested enough for that to work, Kamiya." Yahiko watched with growing horror as Yukishiro shifted in his seat so he was practically facing Kaoru, head titled to the side. "I suppose if you bind it really tightly-"
Yahiko bristled. Kenshin noisily sucked in his breath at the same time Kaoru made choking sounds.
"Stop looking at her that way, you perverted shithead." Sano's voice boomed inside the office.
But Criminal Face waved his hand, apparently unbothered by the homicidal pairs of eyes pinned on him. "Forget it. It won't work. Too much trouble. And what if you need to piss during the journey? Are you going do that standing up?"
Kaoru's whole face reddened. "I'll – I'll go somewhere far."
"Well, that certainly won't arouse any suspicion at all." Yukishiro answered sarcastically. "'Where's your apprentice boy? Pissing over at the other mountain for extra training?'"
"Yes. Bladder endurance." Saitou quipped, clearly enjoying the moment.
Yahiko very badly wanted to snicker but it felt treacherous to do so. He bit his tongue hard, until he tasted blood.
"Alright, Enishi." Kaoru grunted, clearly embarrassed at how this conversation had quickly gotten out of her control. "I get it. You don't have to be a jerk about it." She sneaked a quick look at Kenshin, which all of them of course, noticed before suggesting another option. "Well, then – I can be your sister."
Why in Kami's name is Kaoru so stubborn? Yahiko thought rolling his eyes up in a desperate, wordless plea to any god or gods listening to just stop this foolishness. It was insane. This was the most insane conversation he had the misfortune of being a part of. And he was still, essentially, a child!
"No." Yukishiro's answer was abrupt and final. Almost brutal. "I only have one sister. And she's dead. End of discussion."
"Then why the heck are we still here?" Yahiko was done with all of these. He was close to grabbing Kaoru's arm and dragging her away. He could sense Kenshin wanting to do the same thing and if he could only send him a signal, he can launch himself as a cannon ball, straight into Yukishiro's torso – or face, he could break his stupid nose – knock him out of his chair and Kenshin and Sano can haul Kaoru out of that chair and lock her inside her room. For her own safety.
"Go as his betrothed." Saitou proposed, sounding as tired and fed up with the whole thing as he was. "You won't need to be married."
It was clearly a last-ditch effort and a chorus of strangled "no's" and Sano's "My plan was definitely better than this!" rose in unison.
Yukishiro brought his hand to his face, cradling his jaw, thoughtfully nodding his head. "Hmm. Spend a few weeks here in Tokyo, establishing the engagement. A sudden marriage might be questioned. And there's no need for fake documents. It eliminates sloppy work."
"No, wait, that's not-" Panicked, Kaoru looked to Saitou and then to Yukishiro. "That's not on my list!"
"Definitely a better idea." Yukishiro agreed as though Kaoru had not spoken. He glanced at her, red-faced and helplessly sputtering in rage beside him. "You'll have to get new clothes, though. No one will believe I'll be interested in someone so out of fashion. Or wearing rags for that matter."
That stopped Kaoru's flustered grumblings. She looked at Yukishiro straight in the face, her voice painfully shrill: "Excuse me?"
Yukishiro was reaching out towards her but seemed to have changed his mind, waving his hand in front of Kaoru, instead. "You shouldn't really be wearing pale colors, Kamiya. It washes you out."
Oh good. Yahiko thought with growing relief. This will definitely put a stop to this whole thing. "Yeah, you'd want to put her in an orange kimono, wouldn't you?" He made gagging sounds, rolling his eyes and giving Kaoru a knowing look. Kaoru hated the color orange.
Enishi snorted in obvious disgust. "Orange will clash horribly with her eyes."
Kaoru gasped, outraged and Yahiko sneered. This was even better than he was hoping for. He should have known Yukishiro will self-sabotage in less than the amount of time it took for Kaoru to write her damn list of demands.
Yukishiro's face suddenly lit up, an idea clearly forming inside his head. "I'll even finance fixing the dojo and your friend's restaurant."
Ha! It's happening. This will be so sweet, Yahiko thought. "Oh, you mean the one you destroyed when you dropped a bomb on it?!" He reminded everyone matter-of-factly.
Barely acknowledging his presence, Yukishiro nodded his head in confirmation. "Yes. It will be an engagement gift. How does that sound, Kamiya?"
Kenshin took a deep, ragged breath. Kaoru blinked several times looking thoroughly bewildered. "F-fix the Akabeko?"
"Yes. Sure. But the dojo first. Can't let my intended be teaching in a dilapidated establishment. In fact, let me spoil you. I'll even fix your home." He offered this with a gallant smile that stretched across his face and Yahiko was sure that Kaoru will decline this revolting offer.
"No."
See?! What'd I'd tell you?! He sent Yukishiro a triumphant smile.
"No? Really?" Practically purring, Yukishiro raised his eyebrows and very briefly – in less than a fraction of second, touched the sleeves of Kaoru's kimono.
Yahiko heard Kenshin sucking in a deep breath through his teeth.
Kaoru stiffened, but she didn't make any move to get away from from Yukishiro's inappropriate, grabby hands. "No. J-just the dojo roof. And-"
What? No. No. Wait! Yahiko opened his mouth to protest.
"And the – the two hundred bokkens you broke." Kaoru muttered in one breath.
Yukishiro raised his eyebrows. "I broke two hundred bokkens in one afternoon? My, what strong arms I seem to have."
Kaoru had turned the color of Kenshin's gi. She had her hands clenched into tight fists, gathering the material of her kimono, crumpling it mercilessly. "It's not – it was - it was just five bokkens, you insufferable jerk!"
The look of pure glee that crossed Yukishiro's face was the stuff of nightmares. "I'll give you two hundred bokkens, Kamiya just because you tried to scam me out of it."
Kaoru closed her eyes, blew out an angry breath that sent the ends of Saitou's wretched documents fluttering. "Pffft. I wasn't even –" Kaoru loudly sniffed with disbelief, "scam you – that's rich coming from you."
"I don't see why you need to discuss this in my office." Saitou began, irritably, placing a paperweight on the records and reports that were briefly disturbed by Kaoru's exhalations.
"I don't see why we need to discuss this at all!" Yahiko parroted, giving Kaoru a look and dodging the elbow that Kenshin was trying to send him. Yeah, screw that agreement. This wasn't happening. Sorry, Kenshin. "Kaoru, this is so stupid."
Yukishiro, Master in the Arts of Rudely Ignoring The People Around him, continued to look at Kaoru like she was the only person in the room. Fucking creep.
"We should be seen together, Kamiya. The sooner the better. In fact, we should start today. I'd like to take you out for dinner. Just you."
It didn't even surprise Yahiko anymore when Kenshin heatedly blurted out, "That will not be allowed, that it won't."
"Never going to happen Yukishiro." Yahiko confirmed.
"Over our dead, mangled bodies." Sano clearly felt the need to reiterate.
Yukishiro threw Sanosuke the tiniest glance. "A requirement I can easily comply. Who are you by the way? Why are you here? Why is he here?"
Sano's whole face flushed and he slammed his right fist into his open palm, the smacking sound it made reverberating inside Saitou's office. "Why you fucking asshole. I'm Sagara Sanosuke."
Yukishiro frowned then indolently turned his back on Sano, addressing Kaoru with an air of bored curiosity. "Is he one of your students?"
Sano and Kaoru both let out gasps of surprise and annoyance. "What, no! Sano is -"
"Another one of your tenants? Are you renting your home? Because that will have to stop. No future bride of mine will have male tenants in her home." Yukishiro slowly slid his eyes over to Kenshin, "Time to start packing, Battousai."
Kenshin growled in response, like an animal – a prime predator – about to launch a deadly attack and Yahiko almost wanted to egg him on, do it, Kenshin! Do iiiiiit! Of course, thank the gods, Kenshin had more self-control than that, because if he hadn't, Yukishiro would have already dropped dead the minute he had entered Saitou's office, a fantasy Yahiko knew he should not entertain, as it was against Kaoru's teachings, but surely, daydreams shouldn't count?
"He is not a tenant." Kaoru insisted.
Yahiko felt obligated to further clarify. "That's true. Sanosuke just mooches off food in the dojo."
Sano shot him a look, jaws slackening. "Hey, you brat, whose side are you on here?"
"Geez. I'm just telling the truth."
"Look here, Four-Eyed, I have my own room. It's a tiny, tiny room. I could barely lie down without hitting something, but I have my own room, thank you very fucking much."
Yukishiro looked down on Kenshin, eye glasses catching the light from the noonday sun. The reflection hid his no doubt crazed-looking, dilated pupils. "Oh good, Battousai can move in there."
Kenshin and Sano were angrily muttering threats under their breaths and Yahiko thought if Yukishiro does not shut up any time soon, this was going to end in a blood bath, vow or no vow. Good thing too, that he wasn't in the mood to warn Kenshin's manic brother-in-law. Let there be violence. It's high time someone knock Old Man Hair unconscious.
"Are you running an orphanage or a dojo?" Yukishiro continued, apparently enamored by the sound of his own voice. "How are all of them living with you? Unsupervised." He sounded scandalized and disapproving. "We'll get that fixed."
"There is nothing to fix!" Kaoru looked like she just might be the first one to take a swing at Yukishiro and Yahiko relished the thought. "Sano, Yahiko and Kenshin aren't tenants." She now had her clenched fist shaking in front of Yukishiro's face and Yahiko waited with bated breath.
Do it, Kaoru. Do iiiiitttttt!
"They're my - they're family." Unfortunately, the impassioned declaration seemed to have calmed Kaoru down, enough to put away her angry fists. "They can stay at the dojo for as long as they like."
Yukishiro, an honest to goodness, pain in the ass stubbornly shook his head. "Not when we're about to get married, Kamiya."
That was it. That was the final straw. Yahiko was sick and tired of Yukishiro calling Kaou his future-wife, his betrothed, his intended – whatever else that may allude to any form of relationship between the two of them. He jumped out of his seat and charged into Yukishiro's personal space. "BUDDHA HELP ME. YOU ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED. YOU MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HER."
He felt Kenshin grasping the back of his yukata, pulling him away from Yukishiro, who was benevolently smiling at him as he took of his glasses and wiped off the spittle that had landed on them. "Shouting doesn't change facts, kid."
Yahiko made another go for it and almost pulled Kenshin off his seat. At the back of his mind, he briefly wondered just how much Saitou was enjoying this whole debacle that he hadn't done anything yet. Like preferably killing Yukishiro. "I'll change your face." He fumed, feeling the heat of his rage escaping through his eyeballs.
This only earned him a blank, disinterested look. "That doesn't make sense."
Sano had also taken a step towards them and now there were two hands trying to stop him from getting at Yukishiro. "It means, he'll hit you so hard you won't have your own face."
"Whose face will I have, then?" Yukishiro very calmly asked, clearly trying to get himself hit in the face.
"ENOUGH!" Saitou roared, his face darkening with barely suppressed rage. "You, you and you, get out. You have nothing to do with this."
Kenshin immediately let him go and Yahiko almost stumbled towards Yukishiro. From across him, he saw the shocked expression on Kaoru's face, her mouth drawn in a small "o" of surprise.
"I will not get out, that I won't." Kenshin said, his voice just the tiniest bit lower than usual. There's a causal threat there somewhere, even with the polite rurouni speech pattern.
"How fucking dare you?" Sano asked, towering over Saitou.
"You gonna have to drag me kicking and screaming." Yahiko agreed, pure venom in his voice.
"No. Everyone stay!" They all turned their heads towards Kaoru, who seemed to be trembling just a little bit, although Yahiko wasn't sure if it was also out of rage or fear or perhaps a combination of both? They've managed to do everything that they were not supposed to do and it was possible that Kaoru was all going to kick their asses after this. "I have one last demand."
Saitou was practically howling now. "You only said three, Kamiya."
Kaoru was startlingly pale enough for Kenshin to murmur her name in worry, but she stood her ground. "I did but you won't let me go as his apprentice, so-"
"You won't be going as his wife, either." Saitou argued, his non-existent patience wearing thinner by the second.
"It says here," Kaoru said, viciously stabbing the piece of paper with her index finger. 'Number Three: Go as Yukishiro's Apprentice'. Since you can't grant that, I can make a new third demand."
Saitou rubbed his whole face with his hand, more of his hair falling from the slicked up do. "And you've just thought of this demand, Kamiya?"
"Yes. No. I mean," Kaoru nervously glanced at them, "Do you want to hear it or should we just all leave and forget about this madness."
Not in the least bit bothered by the commotion, Yukishiro re-crossed his legs, this time flicking imaginary lint from his lavender jacket.
God. Yahiko had never hated anyone as much as he hated Yukishiro as of this moment.
"Madness." Yukishiro softly intoned. "An interesting choice of word, bride-to-be."
Yahiko felt like he was going to turn into a giant fire breathing dragon as he hissed and snarled at Yukishiro. "She hasn't agreed to anything yet, you giant freak."
Saitou took out this Gatotsu from somewhere underneath the table, slamming it down in front of them. Papers flew in all direction and before the rest of the documents have settled down in complete disarray on the floor, everyone was back to their original seats, Sano all the way back to the wall he had been leaning on. "All of you, shut up. No one opens their mouth except for the Tanuki."
Sano starts opening his mouth and Saitou very quickly flicks his wrist, throwing the expensive marble ashtray in Sano's direction. It missed him by a millimeter and that effectively made Sano close his mouth, the sound of his teeth grinding unusually loud in the stunned silence that followed. Yahiko was only slightly impressed by the speed and viciousness of that throw. He'd seen Misao do something worst.
"I get to decide who I'll take to Shanghai." Kaoru said after a heartbeat.
"No."
Kaoru frowned. "I'm not talking to you, Enishi and anyway, you can't grant any demands. You're as much a pawn as I am." It was meant to be an insult or at the very least throw Yukishiro off, but of course, like a true madman that he is, Kenshin's brother-in-law only gave Kaoru a soft, kindly smile; his whole face a picture of perfect tranquility only monks could achieve.
"You'd think that of, course."
"What is that supposed to mean?" There was hardly a tremor in her whispered question, but the uncertainty was palpable. Yukishiro's statement had rattled Kaoru and for the first time, Yahiko sensed her nervousness. He wanted to go to her side and place a comforting arm around her and just shield her from everything. He'd never felt so protective of her as he did now.
"Do not worry about it, Kamiya." Yukishiro said in a less than re-assuring voice. Yahiko silently watched as Kaoru and Yukishiro stared at each other, sharing a look that he could not quite pin down or figure out. He didn't have to turn his head to know that Kenshin was observing it too as well.
"Fine, Tanuki." Saitou said, snapping Kaoru into attention. "Bring the whole fucking Oniwabanshu, for all I care. Write it down."
Kaoru blinked at Saitou. Well, actually, all of them blinked at Saito. Even Yukishiro seemed mildly surprised.
"What?" Kaoru asked, her voice rising in distrust.
Saitou rolled his eyes at her. "Your last request. Write it down so I can get it approved."
There was another stunned silence from everyone. Saitou let out a feral smile. "Oh, you think I'm not going to enjoy bankrupting this corrupt government? Write it down before I change my mind and just have all of you arrested."
"Immunity." Yukishiro reminded them and Yahiko was just about to leap from his seat again and just go for it, if Kaoru hadn't suddenly grabbed the paper, furiously writing her last demand then wordlessly pushing it in front of Saitou who didn't even bother to glance at it. He leaned forward, the tips of his fingers very lightly touching his table.
And yes, like this, he looked like a menacing wolf that was about to violently devour them all.
"Now leave. All of you. Now." His roar was enough to get everyone scrambling out. Even Yukishiro. And Yahiko thought as he tried not to scamper away, this was it - things have been set into motion and now they will all just have to wait if Kaoru's newly-found power of bargaining and persuasion will either save or condemn them all.
- tbc -
End Notes: Well. I'm back. I - real life was - I am - pfft - I don't even have to words to describe it but I just took a step back from fandoms and tried to do tons of adult things that were all really very tiring and draining that I felt like my battery had run out. So I went into a long re-charging mode. If that makes sense. Anyway, this is where we are at for this story. I was doing some boring excel work and suddenly I just wanted to let out this chaotic idea out of my head.
Thank you if you are still here to read this, it means a lot to me and I'm so sorry for just suddenly disappearing. I hope you enjoyed this update :)
Translations:
umeboshi - pickled plum; believed to help with the effects of a hangover. And here are some more hungover cures: ?_ngt_=TT131c3e754000ac1e4ae32fehX8XzZQGoijkHW25AmXAs
haori - traditional Japanese jacket