Chapter 21B: Ecstasy

We stayed that way for a little while, breathing hard and deep to try and come back from whatever part of heaven we managed to ascend to. Slowly I lifted myself up on my forearms and looked at her, hair stuck to the sweat on her brow, an afterglow making her look even more beautiful. I smiled and kissed her softly, first on her mouth, then jaw, then neck. "I love you Carter." I murmured.

I felt her breath hitch and pulled back. "You called me Carter."

I stared back at her and smiled, "So I did." It felt right to call her my special name for the woman who I had loved for seven years, even if I only admitted it four years ago and finally did something about it a couple of months ago. She looked back at me and smiled, then before I could say anything else, emotion clouded her serene face and she burst into tears.

Crying! I kissed her cheeks softly. "Sam, honey… what's wrong?" I asked looking into her pain-filled eyes. Shit! I had hurt her. Again. Was I too rough? Was it the Carter thing? It was probably the first one. Fuck, what was wrong with me. I rolled off to the side and pulled her into my chest, cradling her in my arms as she cried. "Shhh, It's OK." I soothed. "I am so sorry Sam; I shouldn't have pushed so hard."

She half turned, "What?" She asked, a look of tearful bewilderment on her beautiful face.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I should've been more careful. It's been four years, and…"

"Jack, no. You didn't hurt me." She responded quickly, rolling over to lean into me, placing one arm across my chest, fingers threading through my hair, the other hand smoothing down my neck. I sighed and leaned into her hand; I would never get tired of her playing with my hair. It was my favourite of her quirks, first discovered at the team night we had when I was released from the infirmary after the stabby ball attacked me. I was so high on Janet's happy pills that I found myself laying on the couch with my head in her lap, her fingers weaving themselves through my hair as if they were a hairbrush. I enjoyed it so much that I may have shamelessly used any drugged up post injury infirmary release day for a team night where I could do the same thing. Shot by trinium arrows, shot by a reetou, 1969... twice... the list goes on.

"I didn't? Was it the Carter thing?" She shook her head and buried her face into my neck. I could still feel her tears.

"Then why are you crying." I asked as I hugged her tighter and used my feet to bring the blanket up so I could pull it over the both of us. She wrapped herself around me.

"Because yesterday I left everything behind. I walked out of our house, away from all our memories – shared and not shared – with the hope that we would find each other in all the ways we found each other the first time. I'm crying for Grace's pink room that we'll never see again, Grace's friendship with Kayla and Tessa, my friendship with Sam – oh God you have no idea how much she meant to me, it was like having a twin sister Jack. Even though you are here alive, I will miss visiting you at Crystal Valley, I'll miss visiting Charlie with Grace every Friday just so she can read him a bedtime story." Her tears started again, and she sucked in a breath.

"You visited Charlie?" I asked, "Mm-my Charlie." My own voice breaking at the thought of her and Grace including my long-gone little boy as part of their family.

"Yeah, Grace insists that she visits him when she sleeps. She says he loves stories." He did. He used to read all the time. Whenever I was home, we would read together taking turns with chapters until he fell asleep. I had not realised how much I missed being a father until I had read to Grace tonight. I swallowed down my pain.

"How can she dream about… he died 8 years ago Sam."

She wiped her tears, "I know, I don't know how. Just one day about 6 months ago she picked up that picture of you with Charlie and Sara, then asked to visit her spirit brother's home in the ground. Then she asked about Leo, you know…"

"Yeah, I know. I bought that lion the day he was born from an obscure village market in some Eastern Bloc country. Instead of being there with them, I was off fighting God knows who. He carried it everywhere." I lamented, still saddened that I had missed what was one of the happiest days of my life. I could see the frown on her face. Yep, I knew that look – two children, two missed births – despite not knowing – or rather not admitting – Grace was mine until this morning. I had suspected since deciphering that note over a week ago, just refused to believe that one 5-minute encounter was enough to father a child. Sara and I had tried for nearly three years before Charlie was conceived.

"She told me that he said she was to look after Leo." She chuckled, her tears still choking her up, "I didn't even know where to find him, but she told me exactly where he would be in the attic. She's special Jack. Daniel said something about an ancient gene that you have."

"Yeah, we found out about it a few years ago. Apparently, I am a descendant of a race of people called the Ancients who are ascended beings. Some kind of leap in evolution according to Thor." I explained. At that, she half sat up and looked in my eyes.

"Really? Daniel didn't explain it quite like that." I nodded, "Does Grace have it?" I nodded again since her little glow bug light show was proof that she had the gene. "Jack, what happened to the mirror?"

"Grace did some kind of flashy light show thing when Kawalsky threatened your life. She blasted him clear across the room and melted the mirror." I replied, wriggling my fingers to illustrate the 'flashy light thing'.

"That's… Holy Hannah, we couldn't figure out how to destroy it safely. Do you think it's still on base?" She asked frantically. I smiled as I saw the sorrow melt away, replaced with that adorable Carteresque trait of wonder and discovery. She started mumbling about the possibilities, and the ancient gene's effect on naquadah's unique qualities and quantum mechanics as a whole. I am sure I heard the words time travel in there as well. Been there, done that, got the postcard. It was a beautiful thing to behold, I loved that it was me that had the chance to observe her wonder a second time. I would never forget that first day when she touched the event horizon. The wonder and exhilaration had radiated outwards from her. She was my second, second chance.

"Relax Carter, I am sure that Hammond had the pile of scientific rock taken to the geek lab." I yawned, "You can poke it with a stick next week. But right now, we need some sleep." Yes indeed, because my plans for tomorrow revolved around a special special breakfast with her as the entrée followed by a leisurely day painting a certain little girl's room pink and finishing up with Grace reading a story to the son that I had visited once in 8 long years. Closing my eyes, I breathed in her unique scent and listened as her breathing evened out signalling that she had fallen asleep. Hugging her tighter, I heard her murmur as my eyes got heavier, "I love you Jack O'Neill." A feeling of pure love burst from my heart throughout my whole body at her words. I could not have stopped the smiling if I tried.