In your head, you call him Black, since his magic is a black color, so dark you could hardly see it in low light if it weren't edged in white.
It's Black's prison cell, then. On your way out, you noticed something disturbing about it. The entire cave wall near the exit and the door itself has thousands of shallow craters.
The walls of his prison and the door must be made of some kind of incredibly strong material to resist his attacks. Despite that, he's been trying to get out anyway. For how long you have no idea, but it was long enough to make thousands of attack marks on the walls.
Something really doesn't feel right about that.
Letting yourself slide to the floor, you hold your knees, your skull resting on your jacket sleeved arms.
For a long time you just sit there, trying to calm down and understand what happened. What happened to you? What was it about what he said that made you react like that? You sense yourself evading the question, and trying to come up with excuses for how you acted. But you have too much of a sense of personal responsibility and integrity to let yourself get away with accepting easy answers.
You keep trying, but It feels like part of your mind isn't cooperating. You need more information to understand what's going on with you. You consider asking the other Sanses, but you decide you want to keep this to yourself for now, after how tense they seemed when they were talking about this place.
You spend a long time just staring at the door to Black's prison cave, wondering if you should try to open it again. Should you just give up and get out of here? But thinking of going back reminds you of why you're here.
If you return to consciousness, you'll have to face Rose again, and tell her you gave up and couldn't do it. You couldn't access the deepest parts of your soul and learn shielding and tunneling. She'll just have to starve to death if no one comes to rescue the two of you.
No way in hell are you going to do that. You'd rather stay here until your body dusts than tell her that.
Is facing Black again really necessary though? Maybe your "core" is someplace else down here?
No, something about him and his situation here feels essential. There must be a reason why you reacted so badly to him when he was just trying to tell you something.
Even if you thought what he said was insane, you had no excuse for attacking him like that. Maybe the reason you acted like that is what you need to find out. Maybe it has something to do with the reason the other Sanses are forcing him to stay imprisoned down here.
The cave walls begin to shudder again periodically as the deafening roar of Black's attacks hits them. He's started trying to get through the door again. He must think you just left him in there, and he's all alone again.
You'll have to make a decision now, since you can't stay here peacefully while he's doing that.
You think for a moment, and you have an idea.
You decide to talk to the door. Literally.
"door, you're supposed to do what i want, right? you'll let me in or out. so can you just open up a little, but not all the way?"
Obligingly, the door to Black's prison cave opens up by about your hand's width, and stays that way.
Immediately Black's attacks stop. You can't see him from here, so you're not sure where he is.
"what are you gonna do now?" you murmur softly.
For a few minutes you hear absolute silence. Then there's a slight shuffling where it sounds like he's moved to somewhere else in the cavern, but not near the door.
Nothing happens for a long time after that. You can't see him, so you can't tell what he's doing.
"he's trying to play it cool," you surmise.
You wait it out. It's boring, but you refuse to make the first move. Even as long minutes pass, until almost a full hour has gone by, you sit quietly with your back against the door, and don't move or call out to him.
Eventually curiosity drives him to check out the door. You hear him walk towards it slowly and then there's a small scratching sound of bone against stone. You see him grab the door with his skeletal hands as he tries to pull it open, first gently, and then leaning back and pulling with all the strength he has. But the door won't budge at all for him, like you thought.
He takes a step back, giving up on the door for the moment.
"Is that you again on the other side? What, are you afraid to come out?" he yells through the door at you.
"being impaled by bones ain't exactly on my list of things to do today," you snark back.
"You attacked me!" he protests angrily.
"yeah, and i want to understand why. it doesn't make any sense. i don't usually just attack people for no reason like that."
He's silent for awhile. "You're...asking why." He comments with melancholy and curious notes in his voice.
"what's the big deal?"
"It's just...unusual, that you'd even ask yourself that question."
"unusual, huh? look, i just wanna talk to ya. i'm keeping the door like this for now so's we don't have another incident. are ya cool with that, or would ya rather i went away and never came back?"
He growls resignedly under his breath and he intentionally makes his bones rattle loudly as he lets himself fall into a cross-legged sitting position on the other side of the door from you.
"Fine. What do you want to know?"
"what happens when the...other me's talk to you?"
He snorts in a half-annoyed, half-angry way. "Once in awhile, one of you comes down here. Sometimes they get curious about what's so carefully locked away, buried far down and behind so many doors."
"Most of the time you guys end up running away. You call me crazy and insane, and you turn into a completely different person, like you're possessed."
"Occasionally, one of you gets mad enough to fight me. You're all pushovers compared to me, so it always ends up with you running away. Once, I managed to chase them through the doors before they could shut them, and I got out to the tunnels before several of you ganged up on me and shoved me back in this prison cell."
that's a weird mental image, you think.
"are you lonely in here...or bored...?"
He scoffs. "No one's even bothered to ask me that question before. The answer is yes. I have a few books but I've read them a hundred times. I spend a lot of my time sort of zoned out, barely thinking about anything. It's not exactly pleasant, but it passes the time until one of you need me. Then after that I spend a long time ... uh... recovering ...actually..."
Your soul heart clenches inside you. Your worst fears are being confirmed.
"i'm trying not to fall apart here. i want to ask you who you really are. why did we decide to lock you up in here? but when i try to think about what you said before, my mind keeps backing away from it...like it thinks i'll dust if i get an honest answer."
You feel caught between two choices. You're afraid of talking to him, but you don't want to just leave him here either. You can't resolve the impasse in your mind, and it's making you panic.
He considers that for awhile, and replies quietly, "Maybe you will. Maybe that's why I'm in here. But even if that's true, I can't take this anymore. I'd rather die, and never come back."
You're silent for a long time after that.
"Hey, you alrite in there?" he asks gruffly.
Black waits for an answer for several seconds, but you're not up to talking.
"Knock-knock," he tries, rapping on the stone door with his knuckles. But you're not in the mood.
He hears you sniff, so he knows you're there.
"Ummm...This is awkward," he mutters under his breath.
"Maybe you uh, need a minute. I'll just be over there if you want to talk to me," he says, and gets up and leaves.
You lean around the door after a few minutes, wondering where he went, and you see him sitting against one of the large, tall rocks, reading a book. He glances up to catch your eye lights with his, and you quickly look away.
You spend a long time just sitting there, shivering now and again. It feels as though you're pushing a huge boulder against a cave entrance holding your memories, and your own feelings are escaping around the edges of the boulder, like rays of light. You're not sure which memories are influencing your feelings at the moment, but it's too intense and it's overwhelming you.
You keep back pushing against the boulder. "not now," you tell yourself. "i don't want to fall apart in front of Black." But that only seems to make it worse. Something in your soul is tired of being denied and rebels against you.
You start panting heavily as though you've run a very long distance. Your soul feels like it's under enormous pressure. Your right eye light is throbbing, and you rub your eye socket and eyelid there in reaction, trying to make it feel better. A sharp stabbing feeling runs through your soul, and you moan in pain.
You hear some motion and footsteps on the other side of the door to Black's cell.
You see Black in the corner of your vision when he peeks around the slightly open door to check on you. He has a worried expression on his face as he peers down at you. You're still sitting with your back against the door, with your arms folded on top of your knees and your skull resting on your arms.
"You don't look so good," Black says, his voice concerned. "I think you might be having a panic attack. Try to take long breaths."
You stare off into space like you're hearing echoes of terrible things that aren't there. Your voice feels locked up and frozen and you can't answer him.
Black kneels down, reaches through the slightly opened doorway, and grabs your right wrist.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt ya," he says, feeling you tense up and pull away. You're considering running away, to be honest. "Calm down. Nothin' bad's happening to ya. You're alrite."
You finally relax when you see he's not trying to attack you. The firm grip of his phalanges is somehow comforting, grounding you to the present. His actions break the impasse in your mind.
You ask the door to open and let him in. He lets go of you for a moment when he hears the door begin to move. But once the door is open, he crawls over to you on his hands and knees, and to your surprise gathers you up in a warm hug.
"I'm sorry," he mutters into your earhole.
"for what?" you ask brokenly.
"For everything. For not being stronger. For not being a better person. For not being able to free us all. It's all my fault."
You huff softly in amusement.
He lets you go when he feels you pull back like you want to move. You sit down on the stone floor nearby so you can talk to him better, leaning with your back against the cave wall in the small hallway. He settles down near you.
"No. It's our fault." You emphasize the words.
He blinks, and strangely you see his eye lights get a little brighter, changing from black outlined with white to a more solid dark grayish color.
"So you're beginning to realize then."
"Yeah. There were enough clues. I've just been hiding them from myself."
You look at him directly.
"You're a part of us."
He closes his eyes and you're not sure why, but he shivers like he's in shock, and you're worried until he opens his eyes again and looks at you.
"One of you...actually listened to me? You're not running away? I don't mean you any harm, I swear I don't."
"I know...I know that now," you answer. You no longer feel any desire to attack him.
"But all this time, you've all treated me like you hated me. Like you never wanted to see me, ever. The only time I get visits is when one of you forgets that I even exist, and wonders who's making so much noise banging on the door down here."
"I'm...sorry," you say. "I'm still not sure what's going on here, but I know it's not right. You're a part of us, I know that much. but why did I freak out before? I can't even remember what you said now."
"It's because you're blocking it out. Sometimes, when the mind can't handle something really bad, it makes you forget, so you can stand to live," he explains.
"Is that...what we've done to you? Given you the memories we wanted to forget?"
"Partly," he answers. "But you also force my consciousness to the front when there's something about to happen that you can't face. You make me experience it for you, and then you leave me with the memories of what happened."
How horrible, you think, cringing and digging into your radius and ulna with the your phalanges in reaction. You've all been using this Sans like that, and not even giving him a thank you in return.
"H-how? How is that even possible?"
"You said I'm a part of you, right? The truth is, what we all know but choose to forget most of the time, is that we're all part of the same soul. Each Sans from each timeline has a piece of our soul. But I'm not from a timeline. I was created by all of you. When you made me experience things for you and hold your memories for you, each of you gave me a part of your piece of soul. Over time, my own piece of soul has gotten larger and larger. Since my pieces are connected to yours, and you outnumber me, you have the power to make me experience things for you."
He glares at you then, and his eye lights flash with anger and he clenches his left fist, like he's considering fighting you then and there. You flinch, but make sure not to show any aggression in return. You don't want to start another fight. You want him to finish explaining what he has to say, even though part of your mind is panicking. You ask your emotions to quiet down while you listen, and begrudgingly they agree. You'll deal with your own feelings later.
Black continues, "Of course, I've never had any choice in all of this. You make use of me when it's convenient for you, and then you shove me back down here in this prison. If I fight you, you gang up against me. If I'm sad or angry about it, who cares? No one can even hear me most of the time, no matter how hard I pound against the walls. But at this point, you've given me so many pieces of soul that I've grown strong enough to resist you."
"I don't think we did it on a conscious level," you offer. "I didn't understand that's what i've been doing until you explained it just now."
He pauses, then says open-mindedly, "I can believe that it started out as a subconscious impulse on your parts, something you did instinctively to survive all the damage we've been taking to our soul."
But then he finishes bluntly, "Up to a point. I think there were still moments when some of you realized the truth, but you chose to ignore it. Then there were the times when you worked together to contain me, and make me do what you want. I can't forgive those."
"They said you'd hurt us if you could."
Black thinks for a moment, then says thoughtfully, "I guess, from their perspective, I hurt them. Soul pain is the worst kind. When they come here, my existence makes them remember things. That's why you fought me, right? You wanted to destroy me, because a part of you thinks that if I die, it will stop the pain."
"Yeah..." you whisper. "I don't know what came over me."
"It's instinctive," Black says. "Minds have survival tactics when they get damaged enough. One of them is to bury the pain deep inside so it doesn't overwhelm the conscious mind. You attacked me to protect yourself from the memories that I hold. When the others come here, their minds make up any excuse to say that I provoked them, attacked them, or otherwise hurt them. My existence feels to them like I'm hurting them. They usually attack me first, and when I defend myself, they say later that I attacked them and tried to hurt them."
You shake your head slowly. If he's right, then it's really you and everyone else who are at fault.
Black asks quietly, his voice edged with dawning hope, "Are you saying that's...not what you want to do though?"
You think for a long time.
That instinctive part of you is still warning you of danger and telling you to either attack Black or get away from him. Your soul is scared of what he represents. You have strong reasons for not giving up and running away though.
You want to save yourself and the human girl from dying in the dead world you're both trapped in. You want to see if her unusual abilities to tunnel through space can save everyone who's trapped in the resets. You want Black to not suffer alone down here anymore.
You make the decision. It feels like you're tearing away multiple layers of self-delusion as you answer Black. It hurts down to the core of your being, but it also feels deeply satisfying.
You answer, "I came here because I wanted to learn how to use some abilities that could help us escape the resets. I was told that required the deepest levels of our soul. The others said this is where our core is. Now I know our core is you."
He nods. "You could say that. Although, in a way, it's all of us. I just have the most pieces of it."
"One way or another I don't want things to be like this anymore," you tell him. "This prison cell shouldn't exist. You may not be from a timeline, but you're a person, and I don't think it's right to treat you like this. I want to find a way to get you out of here. Maybe at the same time, you can help me learn to use those abilities, since you're our core."
He looks surprised but hopeful about what you said, and his eye lights brighten a shade more until they're whitish gray.
He says cautiously, "I'm all for trying. I'm pretty sick of this situation. I'd rather not take extreme measures. If I suddenly freak out and make the others start remembering things, it could cause a lot of damage by distracting them when they're not expecting it. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm just desperate at this point."
He rests his cheek bone on his right hand and you can see by his expression he's analyzing everything and thinking it through. You wait, curious to see what he'll say. Eventually he looks back up at you and explains what he's thinking.
"There's only one way I can think of to solve both our problems. The truth is, I threatened the others by saying I'd make them remember, but it's not the terrible thing they think it is. Memories hurt, but they're also a part of who we are. By rejecting the memories I hold, you all lost a part of yourselves. If you want to start releasing the locks on my prison doors, you'll have to do the opposite. You'll have to start letting me share with you the memories that you're all so afraid of."
You wince in fear, and he gives you a quick assessing glance before explaining.
"If I share some of our most important memories with you, and you don't reject them or try to lock me away again like the others, it should create a stable mental connection between you and me. Then I should be able to help you use the new abilities you're trying to access. I'll do all I can to help. Anything's better than being trapped in there, pounding against the walls and hoping someone'll hear me," he says, pointing back at his cell with his thumb.
You hesitate. He's asking for a lot of trust from you, and you're afraid. But when you were completely in his power and he was holding onto your soul, he didn't really hurt you.
You realize that he's lonely, sad, angry, trapped, and bored down here. He only gets to go outside this prison cell when someone wants to use him, and then they toss him right back down here again when they're done with him, without considering his feelings at all. You thought you had it bad, but it's nothing compared to his life.
He huffs, not liking how long it's taking you to answer him. "Of course, you're just a common Sans. I know most of you are pretty weak. If I'm asking for too much, or you're scared, just let me know."
He's baiting you. You grin and answer sarcastically, "I don't know, maybe we don't want you running around free. You'll ruin our reputation for being such an easy-going laid-back guy with that attitude."
He grins facetiously in return. "I think you guys probably lost that reputation a long time ago. The ones who visited me down here had zero chill."
You shrug. "Like me?"
He shakes his head. "Naw, I can tell you're from a common timeline, but you're better than average. I was able to get through to you, and you stopped attacking me on your own. No matter what I said to the others, nothing worked with them." He has an inquisitive look, like he wants to ask you a question, but he decides to let it go for now.
"Not arguing with that," you say agreeably. "Fine. Let's follow your plan. What do you want to do, a mind meld like in science fiction?"
He has a reckless, cheerful grin now. "Something like that. Let's go back to my place first," he says, pointing to the cell door.
You follow him back into his prison cell, and across the large cavern inside. He shows you a few rugs, blankets, and books, hidden behind large rocks that blend in with the back wall until you're near them. This looks like where he sleeps.
He's still carrying the book he was reading earlier, and he puts it away with the other books on a makeshift bookshelf on the floor, between two rocks acting as bookends.
Curious, you read the title sideways. "Introduction to Electrodynamics. Hmm. Wasn't that one of our favorites, a long time ago?"
"Sure," he says grinning. "As I recall, we really liked Maxwell's equations. It was amazing to learn about them because they're the equations for light and how it really is alternating waves of electric and magnetic fields."
"Even if it's about light, it's not exactly light reading though," you point out.
"Physics curbs boredom pretty well," he says. "Remember, I don't have much of a life down here. There's no one to tell jokes to, so reading a joke book feels pointless. I used to pretend someone was on the other side of the door and tell knock-knock jokes, but it got really depressing when I realized no one was answering the door, no matter what I did."
"Makes sense," you say wistfully.
"You look jealous," he notes from your expression. "Of me? That doesn't make any sense."
"My mind can barely process anything some days," you admit. "Not being able to sleep doesn't help. Maybe because you have more of our soul, you have more mental acuity than the rest of us."
He picks up a blanket and shakes out the dust from it. "I'm far from how we used to be," he says ruefully. "I know we're capable of a lot more than this."
He gives you a keen look as he holds the blanket over one arm, and comments, "That's part of the problem, right? We're stuck in this time trap, but we can't think clearly enough to get out of it. I'm sure it has a lot to do with how traumatized we are by what's happened, and how our soul is split. The longer we stay in the trap, the worse our chances get. That's why we have to do something about it, and soon."
You nod. "I hope this idea of yours works then."
"Me too," he replies. "I meant what I said about not wanting things to continue as they are."
"Would you really make a choice like that for everyone?"
He thinks about it. "I'm not sure. I'd rather not. To leave things as they are is a slow death for us all, but me trying to force things would be a huge risk too. If you can free me, maybe we can do something better instead. Something that helps everyone to have a good future. The kind of future where we know Papyrus will never be hurt again, and time won't reset."
You nod again. You know that's what all of you really want.
He makes a spot for you on a rug by folding and layering a blanket on top of it so it's a little more comfortable.
"Here you go. Lie down," he says, nodding to it. You give him an inquisitive look, but you do so, lying down on that rug, while he lies down on another rug and blanket. You both fidget for awhile to make yourselves comfortable.
"Now close your eyes and focus. I'm going to try to find your soul piece. Try to do the same for mine," he says.
You have some trepidation, but you're determined to do your best to free him. You do as he says and close your eyes, and try to make a mental connection to his soul. It's easy for you, since his soul piece is so large. He seems to have slightly more trouble finding you, but manages it in the end. For a few seconds, you both share an awareness of thousands of other soul shards out there. It's overwhelming, like innumerable stars in a brilliant night sky.
You wonder if some of them might object to what you're trying to do. Maybe. Probably. Will they try to stop Black from sharing memories with you? Will they fight you and him, and try to stop you from releasing Black, because they don't want to remember the memories he has? You hope not, but that might be a battle later.
For now, you can sense Black constructing a mental barrier against the others. There's a few who express concern, but he shuts off their ability to sense you before they figure out what's going on. He clearly doesn't want them to interfere, and he's strong enough to keep them from bothering you for now.
When he's done building the mental barrier surrounding the two of you, you feel him mentally turn his attention to you.
"Alrite, I'm going to show you some powerful memories from our past. They're memories that make us who we are. If it gets to be too much, let me know and I'll stop, ok? Remember, I'm here, and since we're mentally connected now, you can use some of my soul's strength if you need help dealing with what you see."
You send him agreement, and you feel his soul protecting yours. He feels...kind. You can tell he's a fundamentally nice person. You're scared of what he might show you, and all the things you've blocked out from your memories. But you're happy to know that in many ways, you like the Sans who is your core. Maybe you should stop hating on yourself so much after this.
Slowly, he begins sharing memories from the past with you. It feels like you've time traveled back in time as you both temporarily become the you from the past, and you experience it all as it happened back then.