Chapter 3

When Jane came out of the bathroom, Kurt noticed she had a weird look on her and immediately started to worry.

"Did something happen? Are you ok?" he bombarded her frantically with questions.

"Yes, everything ok, forget it, it's nothing"

"Stop lying to me Jane, please tell me what's wrong" Weller retorted.

"Nothing is just that I hate being so weak" Jane confessed sadly.

"Jane this is not true at all, come here" he drew her into a hug, always attentive to her wounds and not to cause her pain.

"You are the strongest and bravest person I know, but even strong people need someone to take care of them, you have been strong for too long, now it's time for you to let yourself go and let someone take care of you, and that's what I want to do" he said as he stroked her hair.

"You'll see that all this will pass, you'll be fine Jane" he reassured her.

"I'm fine" she announced.

Just then Jane's stomach rumbled with hunger "come on and sit down, dinner is ready and I can tell you're hungry" Weller suggested.

They ate in silence, Kurt couldn't help but notice how little Jane ate and that alarmed him instantly.

"Jane why don't you eat a little more, you need to eat" he begged her.

"I'm sorry, I don't… I can't, I'm not used to eating so much anymore" she apologized pathetically.

"What do you mean with you're not used to eating so much anymore, what are you talking about Jane?" Weller was more worried than ever.

"Well, it's not like at the CIA black site they really cared about feeding me, just the bare minimum to survive, and after returning at the FBI, my stomach was no longer used to eating so much food so I..." she interrupted.

"You were throwing up" he finished for her.

Jane nodded.

"God Jane I'm so sorry, it's all my fault, I should have checked you after your return, I should have realized how much weight you've lost, I'm sorry, I should have done more to stop the CIA from taking you away, I'm so sorry Jane" Kurt apologized with tears in his eyes and guilt devouring him from within.

"No Kurt it's not your fault, it's okay, it's not that important" Jane tried to calm him down.

"It's very important instead and I will do everything to get you back to normal, I promise"

"Thanks" she smiled warmly at him, he smiled back.

"You must be tired, do you want to go to bed to rest or do you prefer..."

"NO" Jane cut him off abruptly.

"Sorry, I'm-I'm sorry" she apologized as soon as she realized she had screamed, she got up from her chair.

Kurt takes a step toward her to reassure her but Jane pulls away and stretches her arms out in front of herself protectively, as if she expects him to hit her.

Kurt's heart breaks for the umpteenth time that day.

"Jane ..." Kurt whispered slowly approaching her "Jane, I would never hit you, I would never hurt you" he told her as he got closer, Jane relaxed slightly.

"I'm sorry, I know you wouldn't ... I trust you, it's just a reflection" Jane felt terribly guilty for making him think she was afraid of him.

"It's not just a reflection, Jane. You have PTSD" he corrected her gently.

"I do not.."

"Jane, can I hug you?" he asked her and when she nodded he took her into his arms.

"Do you want to watch some TV?" Weller asked.

"yes, certainly"

Jane sat down on the couch and noticed that Kurt was sitting on the opposite side of her, away from her, luckily she immediately understood why.

"I don't mind if you sit closer, I'm not afraid of you, you know, right?" Jane told him.

"Well … I am ... I want you to be comfortable and I don't want to get too close or touch you unless you give me permission and ..."

"I trust you, I know you wouldn't hurt me" she cut him off.

"How can you trust me after ..." Kurt refused to finish the sentence.

"Kurt what the CIA did to me is not your fault" she hastened to reassure him.

"I'm not just talking about that, but everything, I should have protected you, instead they hurt you because of me" Weller's eyes were filling with tears and his heart with guilt.

"Kurt please don't blame yourself, I don't want you to feel that way" Jane said hugging him.

The rest of the evening was spent in peace, it was almost eleven in the evening and Jane had fallen asleep on Kurt's shoulder; careful not to wake her up, he picked her up, he took his to her room and laid her gently on the bed, covering her with the blankets.

Weller sat down on the armchair next to the bed, near a sleeping Jane, he wouldn't sleep with her in the same bed without her consent, but he didn't want to sleep on the sofa either, he had to stay close to her, watch over her.

Kurt didn't realize he had dozed off until he was awakened by Jane's heartbreaking screams.

"NO STOP IT, PLEASE NO, DON'T TOUCH ME".

He rushes to the woman's side, trying to wake her but without touching her.

"Jane I'm Kurt, you're safe" he told her.

"Jane it's alright, I'm here" he tried again.

Jane's eyes widened then, her fear reflected in them.

"Kurt?" she asked in a trembling voice.

"I'm here, it's okay" he assured her.

"Please take him off me, TAKE HIM OFF!" she screamed in panic.

"There's nobody here, Jane, it's just you and me".

"No, I can feel it above me, inside me, it hurts, please Kurt make it stop, make him go away" Jane's breathing was labored.

"Shshsh, it's okay, he's gone, it's just me, you're safe now, no one will hurt you anymore".

Jane came out of her tranny and burst into tears, sobbing and breathing heavily.

Kurt took her in his arms "shshsh, it's alright, it's all over, you're safe" They stayed like that for some time before Jane's breathing and sobbing subsided "I'm sorry" she apologized embarrassed.

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault" he assured her "did you have a nightmare?" he asked her and she nodded "do you want to talk about it?" he proposed her.

"It's just ... what happened the other day, only that instead of those traffickers there were Keaton and the other CIA agents who were on my black site" she confessed hesitantly.

"Oh Jane, I'm sorry, what-what can I do to help you?" he asked.

"Just ... hold me please, can you hold me like you did in the hospital?"

Kurt moved onto the bed and wrapped Jane with her protective arms, they both fell asleep within minutes.

When Kurt woke up it was morning, Jane was still sleeping, he decided to let her rest a little longer and got up to prepare the breakfast.

He was making pancakes, deep in his thoughts (obviously all about Jane), when a sleepy figure came out of the bedroom.

"Hey, good morning, how did you sleep?" Weller asked Jane.

"I've slept better than I've slept in years" she smiled at him and sat down on one of the stools.

"Well, I'm happy to hear it ... I'm making pancakes, I hope you like them" he spoke.

"I can't wait to tasting the famous Weller pancakes" she said with a chuckle.

"what?" she asked when she realized he was staring at her.

"Nothing is just that… it's nice to see you laugh.

"Voilà" he exclaimed putting the plates full of pancakes on the counter.

"Wow, they're really good" complimented Jane, after tasting a piece.

"Of course they are, I cooked them" Kurt joked.

After breakfast Jane helped Kurt wash the dishes, despite the fact that he had urged her so many times to stay seated and let him do it.

"Do we have to go to work?" Jane asked.

"No, before you go back to work you have to heal, I took some days off so I could stay here with you" he informed her.

"What? You don't need to take a permit, I don't want to take you away from work "

"Jane, you are not taking me away from work, I want to be here with you, I could not concentrate knowing you are here alone" confessed the assistant director.

"How long will I have to be away from work?" Jane suddenly asked in fear.

"Until your body and mind are healed and you feel ready to return" he replied.

"Are Nas and Pellinton in agreement on this?" Jane asked worriedly.

"Pellinton has no say in this and Nas is gone so she doesn't have a say either"

"are you sure?" Jane asked, not yet convinced.

"Yes of course Jane, what are you worried about?" he asked her, he could read her like an open book.

"It's just that Pellinton is the director of the FBI and he's in charge and Nas ... she told me that if I didn't help defeating Sandstorm she would send me back to the CIA" confessed Jane.

"WHAT!" Kurt yelled in anger. When Jane backed away frightened, he hastened to apologize "sorry, I'm sorry Jane, I didn't mean to scare you".

"it's ok"

"Nas never told me anything, but I promise you, I will do whatever it takes so that you'll never go back to the CIA" Kurt promised.

"Thanks, I appreciate it"

"Well, since we don't have to go to work, we can do whatever we want" he told her, trying to change the subject of the conversation to something lighter.

"I… do you mind if I take a shower first? Well I'm ... "

"You don't have to explain, I understand. You don't have to ask me either, you can take a shower at any time of the day or night" he told her softly.

"Ok, thanks, then I ... I'll be right back" said this Jane disappeared into the bathroom.

A little over half an hour later she joined Kurt on the couch, fully clothed, her hair still damp.

Kurt noticed her gasp as she sat on the couch, looked into her eyes, he could tell she had been crying.

"Jane maybe you should take your painkillers" Weller suggested.

"Yeah, actually I think I need it"

Kurt went to get the medicine and a glass of water and handed them to Jane.

"Thank you" she said, swallowing the pill and drinking the glass of water to swallow it.

Kurt put the glass down on the table and sat back near Jane.

"The guys asked me if they could come tonight, maybe for dinner and then a movie?" asked the deputy director.

"You should decide, this is your house Kurt".

"Yes, but you live here too at the moment and if you don't want to have too many people around ... and then they don't give a damn about me, they want to see you and see how you are" Weller explained.

"Oh, ok then it's fine, if you agree too" Jane decided.

"Perfect then I send a message to Reade".

Continues…