I really struggled to write this chapter, but I hope y'all like it!
"All night we dance the weave of joy and tears
All night we're lit with the sunrise of forever
Just ahead of us, through the trees
one generation after the other."
Seven Generations, American Sunrise - Joy Harjo
"Come mija," Abuelo says. Instead of staying in the Raikage tower with sensei and the others like I used to, I immediately moved my things to stay with Abuelo. Akihiko told me he'd been taking care of Abuelo for me while I was gone. He doesn't need to be taken care of, he's healthier than me.
But it's what we do as descendents of Uzu. We take care of our own like our ancestors did when no one else would help us.
But it seems like Abuelo is taking care of me more than I'm taking care of Abuelo.
"I'm up!" I call as I finish getting dressed for the day. Abuelo and the elders insisted I wear my Uzukage robes today. My hands still shake as I pull the robe over my shoulders.
Kairi cackles as the Uzukage hat obscures my vision and I shake my head as I pull the hat back to rest over my hair.
"Now, now Kairi-chan~" Abuelito sings. "I told you no pranking mija unless I can help."
"Abuelito!" I say, offense clear in my voice. He smiles widely when I walk into his kitchen, the largest room in his small house. Just like the homes in Uzushiogakure. The kitchen is the heart of our homes. It's where we come together for food, but it's also so much more than that.
I think of my meeting with the elders. The whispered worries of the future of our people. The plans devised for the continuation of our family. The recounting of a younger cousin's first steps at a library program the week before. The whispers of gossip surrounding Akihiko returning home early in the morning with Darui's chakra nearby. Just far enough away to make sure my older cousin got home safely.
In just one meeting we planned for the future, discussed the pain of our past, were reminded of the joys we're finding in our everyday lives, and the prospects of a beautiful future.
"I made your favorito," Abuelito says, pulling me from my thoughts.
"You always do."
"I made okonomiyaki, your least favorite last night," he turns his disbelieving eyes towards me but I smile at him.
"Everything you make is my favorite, even if it has a lot of vegetables."
Abuelito tilts his head back and laughs and I wonder what it would have been like to have this my entire life.
We dance through the streets.
Families line the small roads throughout Little Uzu. They stand beside vendor stalls and ofrendas, children sit on the shoulders of their parents.
Many children have face paint covering their faces. Some of the elders have some, too.
I hear a laugh beside me and see a distant cousin twirling around another.
It's nice.
This is one of the traditions from Uzu that isn't tied to my role as a Guardian or a Calavera. It's a tradition in the light. A tradition that literally anyone from Uzu could take part in.
A tradition that tells our history, our stories.
And tonight, is about joy. All the worries and horrors I've danced through before aren't in the forefront of my mind.
Tonight, we're celebrating that we're here. That we're alive.
That we're here with those who aren't alive anymore. Together, on the night it's easiest for our family to return.
"Mija!" Abuelito and Naruto wave from the side of the street and I smile behind my colorful mask. My hair, pulled back in too many braids for me to count flies through the air as I spin. My feet are light and my chest is full of warmth.
The setting sun is warm on my skin, no longer covered by my Uzukage robes, but instead covered in a dress of my grandmother's. One that she made and wore her last year celebrating this holiday with the living.
My new bright orange marigold tattoo catches my eye for a brief moment. I feel something wet on my cheek and smile.
For once, I'm not crying because I'm scared, lonely, in pain, or angry.
Tonight, I'm crying because I'm happy.
"You've done well, mija," Abuelo says as he sits beside me in front of our altar. Naruto is still running around the street with some of our cousins, playing games children in Uzu would have played.
"Thank you for everything, Abuelito," I say as I rest my head on his shoulder. My Kage hat is off of my head, hanging down my back over my braids. He kisses the top of my head before he turns back to the ofrenda.
"They're late," he says quietly.
"Do you expect anything else?"
He snorts.
Uzu culture is not very punctual.
"Abuela's probably exhausted from last night, too."
"I'm sure she talked Kahana and Shinya's ears off about it all day as well," he laughs. "I'll give them some more time, that mole is calling my name."
"I'll hang out here," I say as I move my head for him to stand.
"Make sure you eat something tonight, mija," he says. His brows are furrowed.
"I promise, Abuelo." He looks at me a second longer before he nods and stands. He walks down the street towards one of the mole stands and I turn back to our ofrenda.
I stare at one of the candles until the flame moves suddenly. The general chatter around me fades and the world darkens, much like it had whenever I saw Izanami.
When I look around there's no one near me. Until I turn back to the ofrenda and see Mom grabbing the large bowl of ramen off of the top layer of the altar. Kahana goes straight for the mangú.
My eyes start to water when I see a mop of bright blonde hair next to a man with a spiky ponytail. They share the bottle of sake Jiraiya gave me for the ofrenda, it was dad's favorite, he had said.
"There you are!" I turn to see a woman with bright red hair and violet eyes looking at me with her hands on her hips. "You're late!"
"No, you're late 'ttbane!" I throw my hand over my mouth as soon as I say it.
Kahana cackles.
"Mija takes the hat and she starts talking back!"
"The hat?" My mother screeches. She almost drops her ramen as she runs towards me. I feel her pulling on my robes faintly. But it's like she's not completely solid. My bottom lip wobbles.
When things had changed to look like they did when I saw Izanami, I had hoped I could touch them and they could touch me like Izanami had.
"Oh mija," mom says when she sees my face. Soon I'm pulled into her arms. I reach my own arms out and sob when I can't wrap my arms around her, too.
"Kiku-chan," a new voice whispers. I look up to see dad's eyes filled with tears as he leans down and wraps his arms around mom and me.
"Papá," my voice sounds raw.
"Mija, shh. Today is a happy day."
"B-but I just wanted to hu-g you o-once 'ttbane!"
"You will someday," dad says.
"But it better be a long time from now, you know?" Mom says. It's like she's trying to sound scary but her voice is as watery as my own.
"I know," I sniffle and smile when I feel a hand pat the top of my head. It reminds me of Shikaku patting my head in the Nara forest after I fed a deer for the first time. When I look up, I see Shinya with a proud smile on his face.
"You lazy Nara!" I say, prompting laughs from the others and a pout from said Nara. "Tía told you to make a chakra impression but you didn't! I could've hugged you if you did 'ttbane!"
"I'm sorry, mija," he says gently as he crouches beside us. "But you've done well."
"I've been trying," I say weakly.
"You've been succeeding," Kahana says as she starts to pour a drink. I shake my head at her, Kairi said it was hard to phase the former Uzukage. I didn't think she'd be so nonchalant about this, though.
"Shikaku and Yoshino lost it when Ino-chan was the one to tell them about you and Shikamaru," Shinya grins at me. I feel my cheeks heat up.
"Stupid lazy genius," I mutter to myself. Mom snorts and I feel her move away from me.
"I know what you mean," she says.
"Eh?" Dad yells as he falls back on his butt. I look back and forth between them before dropping my head in my hands.
"No wonder Naruto had a thing for Sakura before he realized he liked Sasuke."
Kahana and Abuela cackle.
"What?" Mom asks.
"Nothing," I sigh as Shinya pats my head again. I turn and pout at him.
My pout quickly turns into a wobbly smile as soon as I feel him pull me into his chest. I can feel him like he's actually here with me. It's not a ghost of a touch like it is with mom and dad. He's here.
"How-"
"We're in the shadows, mija," he says quietly as he pulls me closer. I hold onto him for dear life.
"I love you," I whisper into his shoulder.
"Love you too, kiddo," he says just as quietly.
"W-what?" I hear Naruto's voice. I look over to see my brother staring at our parents, now both huddled over a bowl of ramen. His eyes are filled with tears and mom rushes to put the bowl of ramen back down on the table as dad stares, frozen with a noodle hanging out of his mouth as he looks at Naruto.
"They can't see as clearly as me and Kahana," Shinya murmurs in my ear. "But they still try to see so hard I think if they could they'd blow the blood vessels in their eyes.
I let out a watery laugh as mom and dad surround Naruto in a hug. His broken sob sounds much like my own a few minutes earlier.
Sometimes I forget that Naruto is just as haunted as I am.
"Want to play shogi?" Shinya asks. "Shikamaru has been practicing with Shikaku like a mad man since he got home. Did you really beat him that bad when he was visiting?"
And just like that, Shinya pulls me from my own darkness.
"We didn't even have a chance to play."
"You could've played if you weren't kissing him so much," Naruto says.
"We barely did that!"
"Oh Kami, this is my worst nightmare!" Dad says as he drops his head into his hands, much like I had earlier. I bite my lip to distract myself. To try to stop myself from crying.
I've been so focused on being like mom, on being a good Uzumaki, that I forgot I was dad's kid, too.
"I'm up for a game," I finally say to Shinya as mom pats dad's back.
"Good," Shinya pats my shoulder as he stands up to grab the shogi board from the ofrenda. "After your brother catches up with your parents you can talk to your dad about your Hiraishin."
"Hiraishin?" Dad asks, his eyes wide.
"Yeah! You wouldn't believe it, Papá!" Naruto says, his sunny smile now on his face. "Imouto is super good at it, she even pranked Jiraiya!"
"No me diga!" Mom says. The wicked smile on her face means that she does in fact want to know.
"S-she got Tío to agree that he trusts her with his life before grabbing him and using Hiraishin to take him across the island!"
"You did?" Dad asks as Shinya starts setting up the shogi board.
He looks proud.
"Yeah," I say weakly.
"Kairi said that Jiraiya puked for ages!"
"He did," I scrunch my nose up at the memory.
"I'm so proud of you, mija." Dad's words make me freeze. I feel the burning behind my eyes and I swallow the lump in my throat.
"Gracias, Papá."
"Uta!" Abuela yells.
"Mah, did you already start the party without me?"
"Oh you silly man!" Abuela yells as she runs towards him and wraps her arms around him. I turn my head to the shogi board and blink hard.
I'm happy. So, so happy we can have this.
But there's a quiet voice in the back of my head that makes me think what life would be like if we could have this always and not just one day of the year.
"Bueno," Abuelo says as he claps his hands and stands up from his very comfortable couch. I blink the sleep out of my eyes and take the hand he offers me and soon I'm on my feet, wiping my eyes.
"Abuelo?" I ask as he starts opening different cabinets in the kitchen. I slowly walk into the room and sit down at once of the barstools.
"I was talking to your Abuela last night," he says.
"That can't be good," I tease. He shakes his head at me. He and Abuela had stayed on the side by themselves talking for a long while last night. I thought it was because it was the first time they'd been together in the last few years, Abuelo had to avoid celebrating in order to remain undetected in the small fishing town he was staying in.
I should've known they were scheming. It's the Uzumaki way. I just hope they schemed about Naruto, too.
"It's time you followed in her footsteps," he grins at me as he turns around to the counters in the center of the room.
"Oh! Is there a cool technique or-"
"No, it's not related to fighting," he shakes his head. I raise an eyebrow. Almost everything I've been taught about Uzu is related to fighting in some way. Elders have been eager to pass down different techniques to me and Naruto.
They've taught their children and in some cases their children's children. Everyone in Little Uzu is a capable shinobi or fuinjutsu expert, just as our families were in Uzushiogakure.
But me and Naruto are known outside of Little Uzu and Kumo. We can be the ones to showcase that our village still lives without threatening the safety found in Kumo.
"Your Abuela, Kahana, Shinya, and your parents and I agreed you need to engage with the other part of being a Guardian."
"The other part?"
"You have brought peace to our people through your work in Uzushiogakure and you guided Hiroto to the other side as well," Abuelo begins. "You were central to our celebrations over the last couple of days, and you were the last Guardian making sure the spirits made their way home this morning."
"Abuelo-"
"Being a Guardian is not just about death, mija," he cuts me off as he pushes a tortilladora across the counter in front of me. Soon all the things I need to press tortillas are in front of me and I immediately grab a ball of dough and place it on the press. "What does it mean to be a Guardian?"
"I'm supposed to help guide and protect our people during their transition to their next life," I say immediately.
"That's true," Abuelo nods.
"Is there more?" I ask after a moment of silence. Abuelo smiles at me, but his eyes hold a sadness I haven't seen in them before.
"Mija, you should have had another Guardian to train you as soon as you started showing the signs," he shakes his head.
"I've had Kairi and Ichika and-"
"Mija." I stop talking and place the newly pressed tortilla on an empty plate. "They were there when Kahana received her training, but they did not experience it themselves. To truly know what it's like to be a Guardian, you have to experience it yourself."
"I know," I say quietly. Abuelo pulls out a cutting board and starts to cut up some fruit.
"You have helped countless relatives from this life to the next," he says. "But you haven't helped guide a relative into this life."
"I suck at medical ninjutsu," are the first words that fly out of my mouth.
"Have you had anyone teach you?"
I shake my head.
"Kairi told me you were taking an interest in bio fuinjutsu."
"Yeah, but that's completely different-"
"Is it?" He raises an eyebrow. "You can make seals that work better than medicines to relieve pain. Seals that allow a person to use wooden, plastic, or metal prosthetics. Seals that keep people stable until they can receive medical treatment."
"I can't do that," I shake my head.
"Not yet," he whispers. I turn back to pressing tortillas. I love bio fuinjutsu. I'd love for that to be my speciality instead of fighting. I'm already so tired of fighting. So tired of being afraid.
"I've been writing to Tsunade," Abuelo says casually as he slides the fruit off the cutting board into a large bowl. He easily activates the stasis seal and sets it to the side.
"You've been scheming with Tsunade."
"I have," he grins at me. "She and her student will teach you basic medical ninjutsu when you go back to Konoha."
It's not a suggestion. I nod my head.
"You'll start learning our birthing traditions while you're here," he says as he wipes down the cutting board.
"Abuelo-"
"Mija, why are you so afraid?" He cuts me off. "You look with such longing towards the little ones that play in the streets. Your eyes light up whenever you see a parent with their baby, you even sent those baby blankets a few months ago when you heard about a couple of the new babies that were born."
"But mija," he continues. "You never hold them in your arms."
"I-" I shake my head. "I-I remember how cold they were in Uzushio." The silence in the room is deafening.
"A-and bad luck always seems to follow me, I don't want to put that on them. They're so full of life and I-"
"You aren't cursed, Kikuko," Abuelo says. "You did your duty in caring for the children in Uzushiogakure. You protected them when the village and their families could not."
"But-"
"Mija, you deserve to be happy."
"But what if I mess up-"
"You will mess up," he smiles gently. "Everyone does, your Abuela did plenty of times, especially when she was learning."
"Abuelo-"
"Kikuko," he says. "You won't be alone in this, not anymore."
"Okay," I whisper as I try to steady my shaking hands. There's no fighting Abuelo on this. And I don't know if I even really want to.
"Bueno, once we finish cooking we'll head to Aimi's."
"Aimi's?" I ask.
"She was showing signs that she might go into labor today."
I blink before dropping my head. I should have known.
To be an Uzumaki is to be thrown into the metaphorical river to learn to swim at any moment.
I just hope this isn't the time that the current pulls me under.