"So how many troops is he bringing exactly?"

Peter was holding the letter Glendan had sent to Susan. The five of them were all gathered in the same room again, Edmund and Peter having arrived arm and arm with red cheeks and bright eyes.

"Enough to even the odds" Susan said lightly, plucking the letter out of Peter's hands.

She folded it up carefully before putting it away and Lydia felt a wave of guilt wash over her.

She'd assumed Glendan had fled back to Redhaven, they all had. Everyone except Susan.

And now he definitely was coming back, Lydia could see how his leaving had taken its toll on Susan, she was pale with exhaustion.

"I could do with some more archers" Susan was saying moving round the table to reopen a scroll, presumably with their numbers on it.

Lydia had tried to look at them once, to get an idea of what was going on but it was no use trying when she didn't know the population of Narnia.

Peter nodded, "Well it looks like you've got them. And Ed, you'll have more soldiers to train. That's okay isn't it?"

"Yes I'm sure that'll be fine." Edmund said pleasantly, the brothers were still on edge, skirting round each other with polite words and empty smiles.

Peter leant against the table thinking "At this rate its possible we could…no its too risky."

"What is it Peter?" Lucy asked.

"Well I was just thinking we have the numbers now," Peter said slowly, "We know where they're currently camped and yet we don't know where they'll attack. Surely if we went to meet them we'd be able to do it on our terms?"

Susan shook her head, "We can't do something that rash" she insisted. "Our plan for the past few weeks has been the complete opposite, we should stick to it."

Lucy, however, was smiling "I think we should do it." She said moving round to stand next to Peter. "Meet them in Archenland before they have chance to enter Narnia."

She looked up to smile at Peter but he did not return it.

"It's still very risky though" he said. "If we get it wrong and the Calormen have split their forces, we'd have to rush back and defend Narnia."

He drummed his fingers on the table in frustration, "Are you sure we haven't heard anything about any other Calormen forces?"

When the others shook their heads, he ran a hand through his hair and looked back at the table. Lucy tentatively put a hand on his shoulder. "We could try Aslan?" she said quietly making Lydia quickly look down at her shoes when she saw Peter and Susan exchange glances.

"No," Edmund cut in smoothly. "We'll never be fully confident that we know Calormens plans, they'll be too careful just as we wouldn't expect them to be able to find out our movements. No, what we need to do is just take the risk and attack."

"Ed! You're normally much more cautious than this." Susan said in disbelief looking round, "Surely I can't be the only one who thinks it's a terrible idea."

"What's the point of being cautious?" Edmund said, beginning to sound irritated. "Me and Lydia have seen the Calormen army, I'm confident that what we saw was the full army."

He glanced over at Lydia who gave him a quick nod.

Susan frowned, "We only have your word for that Ed, you know that's not enough."

"You have my word as well, I saw it too." Lydia said quietly.

Susan let out a small sigh, "Its late" she said in a firm tone as if Lydia had not just spoken to her. "This can all wait till morning."

She made to leave and Lucy followed her. "Come on Peter," Lucy said softly when Peter still stood staring at Glendan's letter.

"I'm coming" he said tearing himself away. "You going to bed?" he said looking at Edmund who shook his head.

"I won't be long"

Peter shot a dark look at his brother and Lydia pretended she hadn't noticed how she was ignored again and lingered at the back of the room. She waited until Peter had shut the door behind him until it was just her and Edmund, alone.

"Peter doesn't like us being alone." Edmund said mildly staring down at the table palms outstretched.

Lydia nodded. "I guessed it was something like that."

"He says that I shouldn't be distracted by outsiders" he said with a dramatic roll of his eyes.

Lydia gave a wry smile. "Hmm funny how they wanted me to stay when I was useful." She said, "Besides I'm not distracting you am I?"

Edmund looked up at that and gave a hollow laugh.

"You're joking aren't you?" he said eyes wide. "I can't concentrate when I'm in the same room as you, I want so much with you and I keep thinking that I can just…that I can…but then I don't even know what you want!"

He ran a hand through his hair and Lydia watched him warily.

This was Edmund, the boy with the black hair and crooked grin that she'd known for a while. The boy that she'd grown to care for.

And yet hearing him talk like this, it was a new side of him.

Fleeting images of her and Edmund in the castle grounds, his hands on her waist, hers in his hair rolled through her mind and she felt a knot in her stomach.

She swallowed. "I want those things too," she admitted. "But if we continue with, whatever this is, then there won't be any going back. I don't have any other purpose here,this whole war has made me realise that."

Edmund didn't seem to have a reply for that and Lydia sat back down, defeated. "Things have changed so quickly round here. I don't know how you're coping."

Edmund shrugged and sat himself up on the table. "We've never really done anything like this before. Normally it's just a quick battle, job done." He stretched and laid back, "I'm not really enjoying this whole war strategy thing, it's too tiring."

"It does feel like a game sometimes, when I watch you." Lydia said and she could see Edmund shift uncomfortably.

"I know what you mean." He turned his head from where he was lying so he could look at her.

"Sometimes I feel like we're just pretending until I remember the swords are real." There was a pause and then he said, "How's your training with Meliae going by the way?"

He snorted when Lydia threw a cushion at him and then they were both laughing uncontrollably, Lydia wasn't even sure what she was laughing at, her swordsmanship really was in a worrying state. Meliae had been meeting with her once a day and so far Lydia had walked away from every session nursing bruises.

She stopped laughing and tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Ed, what are we doing?"

There was no reply and she looked over to see that he'd also stopped laughing and was staring at the ceiling.

"You're right, you know." He said at last, "Things have changed really quickly, we could all be dead in a week. And that's why we should be together, while we still can."

"And what about after if I choose to leave?"

"I don't care." He got up suddenly and came to sit next to her. "I just want to focus on what's happening right now."

He looked almost angry with his flushed cheeks and bright eyes and Lydia felt that knot in her stomach again.

"Okay then," she said, lacing his fingers in hers, "just focusing on the present." She nodded as what she said started to make sense, the pieces falling into place in her mind.

"So we're doing this then, me and you?" she asked and smiled when he nodded.

"Good cause you're kind of cute when you're angry."

#

When Lydia woke up the next morning she felt lighter, like last night's conversation with Edmund had lifted a weight off her shoulders. She'd been ignoring how she felt about Edmund until she'd made a decision about staying but putting it off for a while and just enjoying what she had made perfect sense.

If Edmund's smile was anything to go by, clearly he felt the same.

"Morning," he said grinning as she shut the door of her bed chamber to go down to breakfast.

"I thought you'd be down at breakfast."

"Thought I'd come and walk you down." He said sweeping his hair out of his eyes. Lydia blinked, she'd always found his hair attractive but shed been ignoring how she felt for so long that it was almost surreal to think that he was here for her. That she didn't have to punish herself for thinking about him.

They were actually doing this.

She did, however, jump slightly when Edmund reached down to take her hand.

"Sorry is that okay?" he said immediately picking up on her shock.

"Don't worry, its fine." She said, "I guess it's just strange to finally be able to do this."

Edmund nudged her slightly. "Does that mean you've been thinking about us holding hands?" he teased.

"Shut up."

They kept this up until they got downstairs and to the door of the hall. Lydia faltered slightly but Edmund gave her a soft kiss on the cheek and squeezed her hand.

"It'll be fine."

Only Lucy was sat at the table with her back to the door when the two of them entered.

"Where's Susan and Peter?" Edmund called out and while he sounded relaxed, Lydia felt a slight pressure on her hand, the only tell that he was nervous.

"Ah Ed there you are, I was just-" Lucy's eyes widened when she turned round and saw their intertwined hands.

Lydia cursed herself when she felt herself blushing but didn't move away from Edmund. His eyes were fixed on Lucy who was now resembling some sort of fish and he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Lu?"

Suddenly, Lucy broke into a squeal and clapped her hands together. "Oh this is lovely!" she said and Lydia released a breath she hadn't known shed been holding.

Edmund grinned at her and leaned into Lydia a little, his warmth comforting.

"You didn't answer my question Lu."

"Susan's ridden out to meet Glendan." Lucy beamed standing up "And I'm sure Peter'll be along in a minute. Oh this is just wonderful!" She rushed over and embraced Lydia.

"I had a small feeling but I never thought…oh I'm so happy for you!"

"What's this?" Peter had come in behind them and Lydia might have been imagining it but she felt the room take a more hostile atmosphere.

Edmund slung his arm round Lydia and pulled her towards him. He stared at Peter, his jaw set.

"What we were discussing last night Pete."

Peter raised his eyebrows and looked at Edmund, whose gaze didn't falter. Finally, Peter gave a short nod and went to sit down. It was only when Lucy went to join him that Edmund finally relaxed and removed his arm.

"Well that went well." He whispered grinning.

"Ed, what exactly did you and Peter talk about last night?" Lydia asked as they walked round to the other side of the table.

"Don't worry about it, I'll sort it." Edmund murmured as they sat down.

Lydia kept sneaking glances at Peter whilst they ate to see if he was giving away any sign of emotion but apart from glowering at his porridge, the eldest Pevensie left them alone.

Lucy, on the other hand, had no such reservations and bombarded Lydia with questions as to where, when and how any of it happened.

Finally she leant back and said, "I can't believe it didn't happen sooner."

Lydia flashed a guilty look at Edmund, "I just needed some time to get my thoughts in order."

Lucy nodded seriously, "I suppose it's better not to rush these things." She said missing the smile that Lydia was attempting to hide.

She opened her mouth, probably to ask another question but was interrupted by Susan rushing in dragging a very tired looking Glendan behind her.

"Everyone, look who's here!" Susan said happily.

Glendan nodded at them, "Sorry I gave you all a scare by my disappearing act, Susan's filled me in." He looked earnestly round the room. "You have to believe me when I say I would never leave Susan here."

The two exchanged soppy looks and Glendan cupped Susan's face causing Peter to clear his throat "Yes well it's good to have you back Glendan."

Susan broke Glendans gaze and looked around. "Shall we get started then? There's so much to discuss."

Lydia was about to shake her head but the others were already getting up so she looked at her porridge mournfully and let herself be tugged away by Edmund.

"Am I even welcome to this?" She hissed at Edmund as they walked, "Susan and Peter have been treating me like a spare part recently."

"You have every right to be there. Just don't be afraid to speak up," he replied. "Besides, it's not like you're only function is to help with Aslan. You did a good job when we went on that scouting trip"

"Yeah," she agreed, "I actually really enjoyed that."

"Well there you are then, you can be like our official scout."

Lydia nodded and let it drop but she was still confident that Peter and Susan wouldn't look at it that way.

The maps were already laid out when they arrived and Glendan immediately moved over to them.
"I've brought four thousand troops to here" he said pointing to an area of forest near Cair Pavarel.
"That is a good number," Peter said approvingly. "Well done"

Glendan went red and stammered out a thank you, looking desperately at Susan who took over for him.

"I suggest we leave Glendan's troops there for now. His are all human and ours a more diverse, it might be easier to keep them apart for now."

"No, they need to know who they're fighting with" Edmund cut in. "We'd do better to move them here."

Susan pursed her lips. "But where would we house them"

"In tents like they are now"

"But there's not enough room in the garrison."

"What does it matter?" Lucy stepped in between the two of them. "I thought we were going to meet the Calormens on the field anyway. That needs to be done in the next few days."

"What's this?" Glendan looked at Susan who shook her head.

"No we decided that plan was too risky, it's why I didn't mention it."

"No we didn't" Lydia said suddenly. "You asked Edmund if he could be sure that the Calormens hasn't divided their forces and when I backed him up you didn't reply." She felt five pairs of eyes trained on her and resisted the urge to run out the room and crawl into a hole. "I think it's a good plan, better to get it over with."

"And who's going to lead this battle, we can't risk all four Kings and Queens in such a risky operation." Glendan asked.

Peter and Edmund exchanged glances but it was Lucy who spoke first

"Well I'm happy to stay behind and set up a base for the wounded here," she said. "And I'm sure one of the others wouldn't mind staying."

Susan shook her head, "I'm needed on the front with the archers." She said. "And it's bad for moral if Peter or Edmund stay, they've trained so many of the soldiers between them."

She gestured to Lydia, "Lydia could help you"

"Oh I think I might be more useful at the front, I've no experience with medicine." Lydia said uneasily

"Why do you want to go to the front?" Lucy asked incredously. "You hate fighting"

"Oh you know, I've become a little more used to the idea," she replied. "And I quite liked my last trip to Archenland."

Her own words surprised her and were enough to make Lucy back down.

"None of this matters because we shouldn't do it at all," Glendan said gesturing wildly. "If Ed and Lydia are wrong and they have split their forces then we're leaving Cair Pavarel completely defenceless."

"It's not completely defenceless," Edmund muttered. "But yes you have a point, we'll have to put it to a vote."

"Well I vote no obviously." Glendan said immediately, this was perhaps the most passionate Lydia had ever seen him.

Susan patted his shoulder, "I'm with you of course."

"Okay, I think we should attack," Edmund said and Lucy nodded.

"So do I." She looked over her shoulder to where Peter was leaning against the table with a grim expression. "That just leaves you and Lydia, Pete."

Peter didn't reply for a few minutes and the room soon took on an awkward atmosphere.

Lucy nudged her brother. "Are you alright Pete, you haven't said much?"

"I know Lu, I just need time to think." He groaned and put a hand to his forehead. "Why am always the one with the casting vote?"

"Well while you're thinking, I'll vote shall I?" Lydia said moving forward. She paused for a moment before putting another figure down. "I think you should attack. So there's your answer."

"Lydia," Peter made an impatient noise. "Of course we appreciate your input but it's just… this is more of a family matter."

Lydia shrugged. "You wanted someone else to vote, my vote gives a majority." She looked round the table and saw the strained smiles.

"You wanted someone else to vote," she repeated. "And you let Glendan vote so clearly it's not just limited to the four of you."

"Yes, but Glendan's family" Susan said. "And you are…" she trailed off searching for the right word.

"And I don't belong." Lydia finished for her, surprised at how hollow her voice sounded

"No that's not what I-"

"Yes it is." Lydia said shortly. "And you're right, I suppose. I never will belong." She realised she'd taken a few steps back from the table and looked up at the five faces watching her warily.

She blushed. "Well you know my opinion," she said. "I might as well leave you to it."

She turned to walk out, resisting the urge to slam the door when no one attempted to stop her. She walked until she found a bench in one of the many corridors where she sat, alone, trying not to cry.

Susan's words were not exactly a surprise. Until very recently Lydia would have agreed with them, would have been glad that she had no place at Cair Pavarel as it was confirmation that she should return home. Technically, she was even still set to leave after Narnia was at peace again, but forgetting everything seemed a much bigger price to pay.

By the time Edmund found her, the tears had almost dried and she was content to draw spirals on the window panes.

"The councils just finished." Edmund said and when she didn't reply, came and sat down next to her.

"I made Susan admit she was wrong and your vote stands now, the others have admitted that's it. We are going to attack instead of wait." He nudged her lightly. "Thanks for supporting me back there, they never would have believed just me."

"I feel like I've let everyone down." She whispered, still not looking at Edmund. "I was sent here to talk to Aslan and he hates me because I'm thinking about leaving." She felt the tears pricking at her eyelids again. "I can't even go with you to attack, I'm not good enough yet."

She sniffed and suddenly Edmund's arms were wrapped around her. "Hey it's not your fault okay. We have no idea why you were sent here, Susan and Peter have just had a bit of a wobble, it's the stress, it's getting to everyone."

"They think I'm not brave enough to handle it." She sighed. "They're right as well, that's the worst thing, I'm probably not ready."

Edmund shrugged. "Don't worry about it, I felt sick the first time we all went into battle."

"Yeah but you were like twelve"

"Ten actually and I still get nervous now." Lydia disentangled herself from him at that.

"Are you scared now?"

"A bit yeah," Edmund stared straight ahead. "I thought you were against fighting anyway."

Lydia bristled at that, "I am." She insisted but Edmund did have a point. She certainly didn't have the same views she'd had when she came about Narnia.
"I am," she repeated and then hit Edmund lightly on the shoulder when she noticed him smirking.

"Sorry, we shouldn't be laughing at a time like this really" he shook his head and stood up.

"The others are just in there."

He reached out a hand and Lydia stopped long enough to wipe away any traces of tears before taking it.

It felt like the other four had been waiting for them as they all sprung to their feet when Lydia and Edmund walked through the door.

At least they had the decency to look guilty.

Lydia stepped forward before anyone could say anything. "Look I know you're angry with me that I don't know Aslan's wishes. I know that was the only reason I'm here and otherwise I'm a burden to you."

Lydia's voice faltered and she struggled to compose herself. "But that doesn't mean that my opinions are worthless, if I want to come, I should be able to."

Peter and Susan stared back at her in stunned silence but there was a hint of a smile on Lucy's face. Lydia looked over at Edmund who winked at her. Satisfied, she turned back to the others.

"I have decided, however, that I am going to stay behind with Lucy. As much as I want to come I'll be more use here, organising places for the wounded and such." Her words hung defiant in the air as she waited for one of the others to speak.

Peter seemed to recover first. "We're sorry that we made you feel like you're a burden." He said looking over at Susan who nodded enthusiastically. "We mistook your conflict about staying for you not caring about Narnia which obviously isn't true." He had the grace to look guilty and Lydia's heart softened slightly.

"I'm sorry I've needed so much time with that. I just want everyone to get through this safely and then we can talk about that later." She said firmly, wishing she felt as confident as she sounded and Susan nodded vigorously.

"Oh and I'm so sorry about what I said earlier Lydia," the older girl said, with Glendan's arm slung round her massaging circles into her shoulder as if Susan was the one who needed to be comforted.
But she did look genuinely upset so Lydia waved a hand feebly. "Don't mention it," she replied. "No one's thinking straight right now."

Susan nodded enthusiastically. "Of course I had no idea about you and Edmund, he filled me in." She beamed at the two of them. "I'm so happy for you both!"

"Yes well we're taking things slow," Lydia said hurriedly. "Anyway, the important question is when you're all planning on rushing off to Archenland."

She felt Ed tense next to her and Susan and Glendan looked at their feet.

"Well?"

Lucy coughed, "They'll be leaving tomorrow."