Lots of tears last chapter. Maybe less this chapter? Only you, the reader, can decide... ;)

Chapter 8: Do Mo Gootu Choba (A Better Offer)

"Jinn just left you there?"

"Well, yes. He didn't really have any other choice. He had his mission to complete."

"…He didn't know who you were."

"Who I was?"

"He didn't know that you were Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"I don't think so, no. He kept calling me Ben, but he realized quite quickly that I had Jedi training. If he did realize who I was, he didn't let on."

"Kenobi, if you thought Jinn didn't recognize you, why didn't you just tell him who you were?"

"Well, like I said, I wasn't completely sure that he didn't recognize me. I thought there was a slight chance that he did and was pretending he didn't in order not to embarrass me."

"Embarrass you? What did you think he was going to do, point and laugh?"

"Of course not. That's hardly befitting of a Jedi Master. But an 'I told you so' would have been neither helpful nor wanted, no matter how deserved."

"Stars, Kenobi, why would he say that?"

"He would have been right. I was captured doing something he expressly told me not to do. And there I was, a slave on a dust ball in the Outer Rim as a direct consequence of not listening to him. His pity or his lecture would have been justified, though probably not very well-received by me, frankly."

"You don't think much of him, do you? I suppose you have reason."

"What? No, I deeply respect Master Jinn. My personal issues come out of my own failings."

"So, you didn't tell Qui-Gon who you were out of…embarrassment at your situation?"

"I suppose so, though it pains me to admit to it."

"Embarrassment is what kept you from seeking help to get yourself out of slavery. Embarrassment."

"I'm sorry, but I don't quite follow."

"If you had told Jinn who you were, he would have moved systems and stars to free you and take you with him. He never would have left you there."

"There really was no way to do that without seriously endangering his mission."

"Then he would have seriously endangered his mission."

"Master Windu! You can't mean that. Naboo still needed immediate assistance, and Master Jinn was keenly aware of that. Who I was long ago would not have mattered."

"It would have mattered to Jinn."

"He wouldn't—"

"Think it a small thing, do you, finding you alive after so long?"

"Master Yoda, I do believe you when you say that certain Jedi in the Temple were happy to learn that I was not dead. Most of my former crèchemates, I think, would have welcomed the news, perhaps some of my teachers as well—those whose classes I did well in, anyway, who never had to discipline me. But Master Jinn hardly knew me, and—well, I'm sorry to say that when I first met him all those years ago, I made quite a nuisance of myself to him while he was trying to carry out his mission."

"What Master Qui-Gon said, that is not, when finally return from Bandomeer he did. A great help in his mission, he said of you. The last, he was, to give up the search for you, long after all hope was gone. Held himself responsible for your loss, he did."

"…"

"A comfort, is it, to know that we searched for you?"

"I always knew that the Order would have looked for me, Master. I'm just sorry that you wasted so much time with nothing to show for it, especially Master Jinn."

"Wasted this time was not."

"I didn't know Master Jinn felt responsible for me. He had already made it quite clear to me that he would not take me on as his Padawan. It certainly wasn't his fault that I was sticking my nose in where it didn't belong and got myself into trouble. That I ended up a slave was due to my own failure, not Master Jinn's, and certainly not the Order's."

"Hmm. Know only one side of the story, you do. Perhaps understand, you will, in time."

Anakin spreads the bundle of parts out on his bunk. He doesn't know what they're for, not yet, but he knows that Ben gave them to him for a reason. This is a familiar exercise for Ani. Ben frequently gives him tasks to complete or puzzles to solve with only half of the instructions or necessary materials, so that Ani has to work backwards, or think creatively, or be resourceful to get the job done. Ani is pretty sure that Ben is so fond of these types of games mostly because they keep Ani busy and out of his hair for a while, but they are actually pretty fun.

Now is as good a time as any to start on Ben's last mystery puzzle. Ani is getting the impression that maybe he needs to give the other people on the ship a little space. They're starting to get that look on their faces when they see him coming towards them.

It had taken a surprisingly short time for Ani to get bored of interstellar travel. The first two days, he had bounced excitedly between the cockpit and the engine room, asking as many questions as he could of whoever was willing to answer before they inevitably got tired of him and excused themselves. Today is the third day of their travel, people are starting to excuse themselves as soon as they see him, he has already explored every nook and cranny of the ship, and they're not even halfway to Coruscant yet.

Anakin sighs. At least R2 is still willing to talk to him. The little droid is currently outside Ani's tiny room, guarding the door, but only because the doorway to this closet of a room is too narrow for it to fit inside. Ani is sure R2 would have an opinion about what these parts are for.

The parts are mostly used and of various ages and denominations, which means that Ben probably got them at different times from different places over several years. Which means that he had something specific in mind when he assembled them, something that he was so determined to do, he worked on it for years.

Ani runs his hands over the parts: a power cell, emitter matrix and shroud, activator button, focusing lens, energy gate, a handful of wires and resistors, a few other parts that seem to be housing of some kind. Some of these parts are things Ani might expect to find in a laser, but he can't explain what the emitter is supposed to be for.

The weirdest part, and coincidentally the only part Ani has seen in Ben's possession before, has to be the bone. The bone comes from the foot of a greater krayt dragon skeleton. Ani had seen Ben carving at it, hollowing it out bit by bit in the evenings. He would carve the krayt bone, and Ani would practice whittling on bits of plastoid he found in the junk heaps.

Ani touches the smooth bone, hands shaking a little. Ben made this, shaped it with his hands. Ani thinks of Ben's hands—calloused and scarred, but big and strong. Ani closes his eyes and remembers how Ben's hands felt when he ruffled his hair, or patted his shoulder, or picked him up. He searches for the part of his mind where he can always feel Ben, and finds it small and distant, but still there.

When Ani opens his eyes again, he has to blink a few times to hold back tears, and oh, this is why he had been so full of beans the first two days on the ship, isn't it? It's too easy to miss Ben when he's alone and quiet with his thoughts.

Ani puts away the parts. He doesn't think he can concentrate on solving the mystery right now. It will keep for a bit. Instead he gets out a japor snippet and works away at it.

He is interrupted by a shrill beeping from outside his door—R2 warning him of an intruder. Ani goes to the door and opens it to find R2 brandishing an electrotorch at Mister Qui-Gon.

The man raises an eyebrow. "Would you mind calling off your attack droid? This is my bunk too, you know."

"Sorry, Mister Qui-Gon, sir. I didn't tell him to do that. C'mon Artoo, let Mister Qui-Gon in."

Ani steps back to let the Jedi into their shared room. The tall man seats himself on the bunk opposite Ani's, but he hardly seems any smaller in the tiny space.

"How are you today, Anakin? We've barely seen you all morning; we were getting a bit worried."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Space travel can be difficult the first few times. Some people experience space sickness."

"It's not that. I'm just…cold."

"Ah, I see. Yes, I suppose you wouldn't be used to the cold of space, coming from such a hot planet."

Anakin nods, even though he doesn't think that's really it. Tatooine could get cold too. Nights were often pretty chilly, enough that Ani usually curled up close to Ben on their sleep pallet to share heat. He was used to cold. But out here, it didn't seem to matter how many blankets or shirts Ani piled on. He was still cold and shivery.

Ani had a feeling that his cold wasn't really a physical cold, but something else. He missed Ben and his light, warm, comforting presence now that he was too far away to feel Ben clearly. He wondered if maybe now he would just always feel cold because Ben wasn't nearby. He couldn't really imagine getting used to not feeling Ben right there with him.

Mister Qui-Gon gives him a look like maybe he knows Ani is putting him off, but he doesn't say anything about it. "Why don't you come with me and we'll get you something to eat? That may help, especially since you missed second meal. Did you not eat because you're feeling unwell?"

Ani dutifully follows him out to the galley. "No, I just forgot about it. Sorry I missed it. I didn't mean to."

"That's all right, Ani. It's easy to lose track of time when you're in hyperspace."

"Yeah. I'm not used to eating second meal, either."

Mister Qui-Gon pauses, then asks, "You don't usually eat second meal, Ani?"

"I never eat second meal. Never heard of it before. Nobody I know has a second meal—well, no slaves anyway. When would we eat it? We're working during the day."

"What about the mid-day meal we shared during the sandstorm? Wasn't that second meal?"

"That was a post-fight meal. Ben needs to eat after a fight so his body can recover, and he never makes food just for himself."

Mister Qui-Gon hands him a ration bar. "What do you do when you get hungry in the middle of the day?"

"Wait till late meal," Ani says, matter-of-fact, peeling back the foil around the bar.

"That sounds difficult."

Ani shrugs. "It's what I'm used to, I guess. And it's not so bad. Some people don't have late meal either, so it's really hard for them. Ben always made sure I had first meal and late meal, so I was okay."

Mister Qui-Gon seems intent on getting Ani to talk to him, even though Ani has been talking nonstop for two days and now doesn't really feel like talking. But the man is kind and patient with him and keeps himself open to Ani's Luck sense, and pretty soon Anakin is asking as many questions as ever, about the Jedi this time.

"That fight with that guy with the cloak was totally wizard. How did you learn to do that?"

"Jedi train with a lightsaber their whole lives. I have been training with mine since I was five years old."

"You're still training? But you're old. Don't you know how to do everything yet?"

Mister Qui-Gon smiles, and Ani can feel his amusement. "There is always more to learn and room for improvement. The lightsaber forms are continuously evolving, as they have been for centuries."

"When you jumped so high up into the ship from the ground, were you flying? Can Jedi fly?"

"No, we can't fly. Some of us can use the Force to stay airborne for quite a long time though."

"What's the Force?"

For some reason, that question seems to surprise Mister Qui-Gon. He gives Ani an odd look before he says, "Ben didn't tell you about the Force?"

"Huh-uh. Does he know what it is?"

"Yes, I'm fairly certain he does." Mister Qui-Gon's voice sounds tight, like maybe he doesn't approve of Ben not telling Ani what the Force is. "I wonder why he didn't teach you this. It's rather fundamental."

"What is it?"

"The Force is what gives a Jedi their power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It is the balance that binds the galaxy together. With training, you will learn to quiet your mind and hear it speaking to you."

Anakin nods, suddenly recognizing what Mister Qui-Gon is talking about. "Yeah, I know about that. Ben taught me to feel the Wind that moves between everything. He said that meditation will help me understand which way the Wind is blowing."

"The Wind, hmm? That's…an interesting analogy."

"Ben said that only beings who are Lucky can hear the Wind whispering to them."

"Lucky?"

"Yeah. People like me and Ben, who can feel the Wind. He said all the Jedi have Luck."

"I see. It seems that Ben has taught you about the Force using metaphors rather than the proper vocabulary. Interesting choice. Metaphors can be useful for visualization, but can engender misunderstandings."

Ani shrugs, dismayed by how disappointed Mister Qui-Gon sounds. "Maybe the Force is one of those things we're not supposed to talk about."

"What do you mean, Anakin?"

"There are some things we can't talk about, because if anyone hears, we'll be in big trouble. Like—like how we can't say anything bad about Gardulla or any of the Hutts ever. Ben says we can't even talk like that when we're alone, because he doesn't want to teach me bad habits that might slip out where someone can hear."

Mister Qui-Gon is quiet for a long moment. Ani can feel his thoughts moving, muted enough that he can't quite make out what the Jedi is feeling. Finally, he clears his throat and says, "Ben taught you well, Anakin. In your situation, it was best not to speak of the Force, lest someone hear."

Ani thinks about this. "But I can talk about the Force now, right?"

"Yes, Ani, you're free now. We can talk about the Force."

"So…does that mean I can talk bad about Gardulla too?" Ani asks, suddenly excited.

Ani catches a flash of Mister Qui-Gon's smile before he straightens his face again. "Well, there is no longer any danger of you getting in trouble for it. But perhaps it is a good habit to maintain not to speak ill of anyone."

"Gardulla the Hutt isn't just anyone though," Ani says. "She's the worst. She's the meanest, nastiest, ugliest, slimiest slug in the galaxy, and I hope she gets eaten by a sarlacc." Boy, does it feel good to say that out loud.

"That's not very kind, Anakin," Mister Qui-Gon chides him.

"Well, neither is Gardulla the Hutt."

"That may be so, Ani, but as a Jedi, you must learn to forgive those who wrong you."

Ani frowns. "Even Gardulla?"

"Yes, even Gardulla the Hutt."

"But she's horrible! When I was really hungry, she made me eat rotten mush until I threw up. She had me and the other little ones beaten when she thought we were being too loud. She had people tortured and killed. She chained Ben by his neck to her chaise and forced him to kneel on gravel for hours without moving. She tried to get Ben killed! I'll never forgive her for that!"

He feels Mister Qui-Gon's big hand on his shoulder and realizes that he's breathing hard. He thinks that he raised his voice too. He is suddenly afraid that someone heard him, that they will come to take him away and punish him—

"Breathe, Ani," Mister Qui-Gon says, and Ani suddenly remembers what to do. He breathes in for three, then out for three, then repeats, and repeats again. His breathing steadies, his pounding heart begins to slow. Soon he is able to lengthen his breaths to four counts, then five. His panic is already fading fast, his fear reduced to curling up in the back of his mind.

Padmé pokes her head into the galley. "Ani, are you all right? I heard shouting."

Ani's face warms, embarrassment squirming in his tummy. Ben taught him better than this; he doesn't understand why it's suddenly so hard to follow his teachings when Ben's not here with him. Things just haven't felt right to Ani for days now.

"'M sorry, Padmé," he tells the girl. "I didn't mean to raise my voice."

Padmé comes into the room and sits beside him. "It's all right, Anakin. Are you okay though?"

Ani nods once, then shakes his head. "I got kind of upset. I still am a little, but I won't raise my voice again, I promise." He knows how important it is for him to control his emotions. His emotions can affect his Luck, which can make the Wind do weird things, and that's not good if someone sees.

Padmé puts a hand on his back, rubbing a little. "It's okay, Ani. Do you want to talk about what made you upset?"

At first Ani wants to tell her no. He fears that talking about it will make him upset again, and he can't be upset in front of anyone but Ben because of the Wind. But…Mister Qui-Gon and Padmé already know that he's Lucky. And he's free now. So he doesn't have to hide it, right? And Ben has always encouraged him to talk to him about things that make him upset, and he usually does feel better afterwards. Ben talks about "releasing" emotions instead of "repressing" them, and says that talking helps with that. Ben isn't here to talk to, but Ani likes Padmé, and Mister Qui-Gon helped free him, so he thinks that he can trust them, maybe. Anyway, it's not some huge secret that Gardulla is an awful sleemo.

"I was remembering…stuff Gardulla the Hutt used to do to me and Ben to punish us," he finally says. "And I was thinking about the time that Gardulla took Ben to Jabba's palace and—and had him thrown in Jabba's pit with a rancor. No armor or weapons or anything. I think she just wanted to watch the rancor kill him." Anakin hears a sharp intake of breath from Padmé beside him, but he doesn't look at her just yet. "I wasn't there 'cause I was only three, but I saw him—after. The medic hardly did anything to patch him up. A friend sat up with him all night and he made it, barely. Two days later, they loaded him up on a gravsled, the kind you use to move cargo. They set me on it next to him, and towed us out of Gardulla's palace and handed us to Watto. Watto had won a bet with Gardulla on the podraces, and she was a sore loser, so she gave him us as payment."

Ani finally glances up at Padmé and sees her pale face, lips pressed together. He thinks maybe he shouldn't have told her this because it made her sad. He doesn't want Padmé to be sad. "Ben almost died, but he didn't, and he's fine now, and after all, it ended up being okay because Watto isn't nearly as bad as Gardulla—he doesn't even hit us most of the time," he says in a rush, hoping that it will comfort the kind girl. "It was scary to me though because I was little and didn't understand what was going on and no one explained anything to me, and I was afraid of losing Ben. And I remembered that, and it made me scared again, that's all. I'm okay now."

Padmé seems to shake herself a little and she takes a deep breath. "Okay, Ani. I'm glad that you're feeling better now." She pats Ani's back again. "Thank you for telling me what was wrong. And…I'm sorry that that happened to you and Ben."

Mister Qui-Gon nods. "You're a very brave boy, Ani."

Ani feels a bit better. He's glad he told Padmé and Mister Qui-Gon what happened. But…he didn't tell them everything.

The rest of the day he wrestles with himself over whether to say anything more. He felt better when he told them about that scary memory. Maybe he'll feel better if he tells them this. He doesn't want them to look at him different though. Mister Qui-Gon didn't like that Ben didn't teach Ani about the Force, and he didn't really want Ani to say bad things about Gardulla either, even though he's free now and Gardulla can't do anything to him. Maybe Padmé will understand. She's really nice.

That night, Ani finds himself curled up on a bench in the commons of the ship, listening to Mister Qui-Gon's Gungan friend snore. He can admit to himself that he might be avoiding the Jedi while he tries to figure out what to tell him.

He's surprised when Padmé steps out of the lift and into the room. She doesn't see him, instead crosses to the computer terminal and triggers a holorecording of an old man in fancy clothes.

"The death toll is catastrophic. We must bow to their wishes. You must contact me."

Padmé bows her head. Her magnesium-bright presence is not as steady as it was before. It dims and pulses.

Padmé looks up again and finally catches sight of Ani, huddled in the corner. "Are you all right?"

"It's very cold," Ani says. There is a tremor in his voice. The longer he is away from Ben, the colder he seems to get.

Padmé fetches a blanket and comes to drape it over Ani. "You come from a warm planet, Ani. A little too warm for my taste. Space is cold."

Ani is touched by her concern for him, despite that she clearly has her own worries. "You seem sad," he tells her. He can feel it like a cold weight in his chest, keeping company with his own sad weight. Maybe she will tell him about it, like he told her about Gardulla. Maybe if he listens, he can help her like she helped him.

"The queen is worried," Padmé says. "Her people are suffering, dying. She must convince the Senate to intervene. I'm not sure what will happen."

Ani nods. He is very familiar with having to watch people suffer and die and be powerless to help. "I'm sorry. I know what that's like, but it must be worse for her because she's the queen. She feels like she should be doing something to help, even if she can't." Padmé looks at him with wide eyes, so he goes on. "I think Ben feels that way a lot. He worries about me and our friends and neighbors, but there's nothing he can do most of the time. Sometimes he feels responsible for bad things that happen, even when they're really not his fault."

Ani tilts his head and thinks. "When Ben feels like that…I try to tell him that I care about him. That I love him, and he's doing his best for me and for everyone. Maybe you could tell the queen that, and it would make her feel better. I'm sure her people love her and know that she's doing her best for them."

Then Padmé is hugging him, a little awkwardly because he's still curled up in the corner and the blanket is in the way. It still chases away the cold, enough that Ani almost doesn't feel the chill. "Thank you, Ani," she whispers. When she pulls away, he sees her blink back the tears in her eyes.

"But what about you?" Ani asks. "What do you do when you're sad or feel bad?" He wants to know how he can help Padmé, not just her queen.

"I guess I usually find something to do that's helpful, even if it's not the thing that is worrying me. And I often go to my family or my friends and talk to them."

Ani nods. "Me too. Only—" he bites his lip.

Padmé rests a hand on his shoulder. "Ben isn't here," she finishes for him. Ani nods and swallows past the lump that is suddenly in his throat.

"I know that we've only known each other for a few days," Padmé says, thumb rubbing soothingly over Ani's shoulder. "But I do care for you, Ani. I would be honored if you would talk to me when you're feeling bad. Like, for instance, if you don't feel comfortable with Master Jinn, so you try to sleep on a bench instead of your bunk."

"It's not that, really," Ani tells her. "I like Mister Qui-Gon, and he's been really nice to me. But I—" he hesitates for an instant, but decides to tell her. "I didn't really tell him—and you—everything today, when I told you about Gardulla."

Padmé's mouth goes tight. "There's more?" she says. She sounds a little horrified. Ani realizes that she thinks there's more to the story he told, something worse. He thinks about the very bare-bones version of the story he gave her, and compares it to the reality of seeing Ben laid out on the hard, dirty floor, bloodstained bandages covering his chest and back. Of curling up as close as he can to Ben's broken body, hand over his mouth to stifle the noise of his crying and hoping with everything in him that Ben will wake up and be okay. Of watching as Ben, barely able to lift his head, begs Watto not to sell him or Ani, promising that he will work off their debt to him once he's well. Of helping make a crutch for Ben so he can go to work long before he should even be getting up, and seeing the pain lining his face as he forces himself to rise.

He thinks of this and sees the look on Padmé's face, and knows that he will never tell her all of it.

But that's not what he meant to confess to her anyway. "I said that I was upset because remembering it made me scared, and it did, a little, but…mostly it made me angry." He brings his legs in closer to his body, curls up a little tighter as he admits it. "I know that a good Jedi isn't supposed to get angry, but I can't help it. I hate what Gardulla, and the other slavers, did to us. Mister Qui-Gon says that if I want to be a Jedi, I have to forgive Gardulla. But I don't want to. I don't even want to try. She doesn't deserve it." He looks up at Padmé. "If I'm angry at what Gardulla did to us, and won't forgive her, does that mean I can't be a Jedi? Will they—will they not let me in? What will happen to me then? Will they send me back to Tatooine to be a slave again?"

Ani's voice has grown smaller and smaller as he talks, the lump in his throat expanding until he can barely get the last words out. He really doesn't want to be a slave again, but it wouldn't be so bad if it means he can be with Ben, he supposes. But there's no guarantee that Watto will take him back.

He feels Padmé's hand on his cheek. "I don't know much about the Jedi Order. I don't think they would turn you away. But you don't need to worry, Ani. You're free, and you will never be a slave again. If the Jedi won't take you in, then I will help you find a place where you can live and be happy. Maybe on Naboo, if that is what you wish."

This time, Ani throws the blanket off so he can hug her. Padmé is so kind, promising to help him when she has so many other things to do to help her queen and her people. He wants to help her too, but he only has one small way to do that right now.

He pulls the charm out of his pocket and hands it to her. "I made this for you. Carved it out of a japor snippet. It'll bring you good fortune. I hope it helps."

"It's beautiful," Padmé says. Ani's heart gives a thump when he sees her smile. "But I don't need this for good fortune. Having a friend like you is so much better."

For the first time since leaving Tatooine, Ani doesn't feel cold at all.