Kate made it back to Danbury house, greeted Mary, informed her of Lady Bridgerton's invitation, made her excuses, and escaped to her room without breaking down.
But it was close.
She collapsed on her bed, gasping. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't –
Kate forced herself to think, to remember who she was and what she wanted.
Edwina happy. Mary secure. Her freedom.
She was Kathani Sharma. She would survive a season in England, she would make sure Edwina got everything she deserved, and then she would return to India.
Anthony's smile invaded her mind and she could have screamed.
He couldn't want her. It wasn't possible. She was nothing and he was member of the peerage. She was the daughter of a clerk and he was the Viscount Bridgerton.
He couldn't want her.
The thought made her heart feel like it was splitting in two. She never should have let him close, never let him smile at her and joke with her. She never should have danced with him. He was a rake, he would never settle down for anyone short of the perfect debutante who would become the perfect viscountess.
Men like him did not marry women like her.
She needed to let him go, needed to walk away before he shattered her into a million pieces. She would take this evening, in the privacy of this borrowed room, and she would mourn what could never be and then, tomorrow, she would face the ton, find the perfect husband for Edwina, and then never even think the name Anthony Bridgerton again for as long as she lived.
A plan in place, Kate allowed herself to think of his smile, his laugh, the feel of his hand on her waist, his warm brown eyes full of mischief…
And she cried.
~.~
Anthony didn't understand what had happened. Everything had been perfect, she had been perfect. Hyacinth and Gregory had adored her, Eloise was thrilled to have another woman who wasn't related to her, Benedict was half in love with her, and Colin was excited to have someone to talk about far off places with. Even his mother liked her.
So why had she run away?
She was maddening. He shouldn't have ever danced with her, never raced her in the woods. He should have picked one of the perfect little dolls his mother had thrown his way and resigned himself to a polite marriage.
Damn her for making him think he could have more.
"Anthony?"
He looked up to see his mother standing in the doorway.
"I'll be to dinner shortly." He told her, turning back to his books.
"You must be patient, my darling."
His eyes shot back up to his mother.
"You must be patient with her." She continued. "She doesn't care that Viscount Anthony Bridgerton is courting her, she cares that her sister makes a good match, a love match. She cares that her mother is taken care of, that she doesn't have to live a life of poverty. She's scared, Anthony. I imagine you frighten her to death. So, you must be patient if she is the one you want."
Anthony thought about what she said for a moment.
"Miss Edwina said her sister had sacrificed her happiness for hers." He said softly.
"Much like another eldest child I know." His mother responded.
Anthony glanced at her sharply.
"I did what I had to do to save us." He told her shortly.
"So did she, and she still is." She said soothingly. "If you want her, I will support you…but you have to be patient."
Anthony gave her a jerky nod and she smiled softly before leaving.
Patient.
He could be patient.
Did this mean he couldn't give her his gift?
~.~
The next morning found Lady Mary on her way to Bridgerton House and Kate once again being thrust into the company of the Queen, this time at the palace.
"I wish you would tell me what the Viscount did that upset you so." Edwina was saying as they waited for Her Majesty. "And if you tell me nothing one more time I shall scream."
"He did nothing, Bon!" Kate insisted. "Lord Bridgerton was all that is proper. I simply didn't feel well!"
"I heard you crying, Didi." Edwina shot back. "If he hurt you, you must tell me!"
"Lord Bridgerton does not have the power to hurt me." Her sister assured her. "He is simply a friend, if that."
"If you two are barely friends, I shutter to think what more than friends look like." Edwina muttered.
Kate glared at her sister as the door opened and Queen Charlotte swept in.
"Your Majesty." They all murmured, dropping deep curtsies.
"Lady Danbury. Miss Sharma. And my diamond." She studied them for a moment before turning on her heel. "This way. There is much to see."
She led them out of the palace and onto the grounds where there was a large variety of animals.
"They are called 'zebra'." She told them, pointing to odd striped animals. "Striped horses from Africa, in fact. Seven more arrive next week, though I can't think what to name them all. After 15 children, I seem to have run out of ideas."
"It is the most spectacular menagerie, Your Majesty." Danbury told her.
"Indeed, it is." Edwina marveled.
"Miss Edwina," the Queen said, pulling the young woman's attention back to her. "I do hope you have been enjoying the attention you have surely been receiving as the Season's Diamond."
"Very much so, ma'am." Edwina replied demurely. "It has been an exceptional honor."
"It's not an easy mantle to take on, you realize." The Queen continued. "To have so many eyes upon you at all times. Regardless of the truth, people…nay, gossips, they will contrive shameless falsehoods. Rumor can oftentimes be a great hardship to endure. Just ask your mother. Just ask me."
"My sister aspires to learn from your illustrious example, Your Majesty." Kate told her. "Your marriage, the wondrous love you share with the King. Edwina desires the very same."
"And she shall receive it, should she know who to trust." The Queen replied.
"Lady Danbury has been a steadfast guide for us this season." Kate assured her. "And my sister has me watching her as well."
"Do you not have your own courtship to manage, Miss Sharma?" Her Majesty asked. "Lady Whistledown seems particularly interested in how many times you dance with Viscount Bridgerton."
Kate bit the inside of her cheek, either to keep from screaming or from crying, but she wasn't sure which.
"Lord Bridgerton has been kind to both me and Edwina." She said finally. "We are grateful for his and his lady mother's friendship."
"I'm sure they have been a great help." The Queen agreed. "An inner circle, if there ever was one. Though you must know there will be many people trying to break it apart of their own ends." She drew closer and lowered her voice. "When those persons inevitably reveal themselves and their rather sly intentions, I simply ask that you tell me who they are so that I may decide if they are worthy, of course."
"Miss Sharma, perhaps you would like to take your sister to see the rest of these splendid grounds." Lady Danbury interjected.
"Yes." Queen Charlotte agreed. "The cassowaries are just across the bridge. But do not veer too close. They are quite irritable."
Kate nodded and steered Edwina away. When they were a suitable distance away, both sisters let out a sigh.
"What was that about?" Edwina whispered as they roamed through the hedges.
"I have no idea." Kate admitted.
They were quiet for a moment.
"I'm sorry she brought up Lord Bridgerton."
Kate used all her will power to not wince.
"Why should it matter?" she replied. "Lord Bridgerton is a friend. Nothing more."
"Didi, stop it!"
Edwina stopped dead in the pathway.
"You can't protect me from everything." She continued. "I know you are upset and it hurts that you won't confide in me."
Kate stared at her sister in shock.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, Bon." She said quietly. "Truly. I let things get too close with Lord Bridgerton and I let him distract me from why we came here. It could never go anywhere and it's better that we realize it now rather than when it could cause a scandal."
"Kate, he cares for you." Edwina said softly.
"He doesn't know me." Kate replied. "I am simply…new. He'll move on quickly and I will return to India once you are settled happily. That is the plan."
"Didi," Edwina took Kate's hands between her own, "I want you to be happy, too."
"I am happy, Bon." Kate squeezed her hands. "And I will be happier still when I know that you and Mary are taken care of. I do not need anything else."
Edwina opened her mouth to argue, but Kate was turning away already.
"Now, what exactly is a cassowary do you think?"
Edwina just sighed and followed her sister.
~.~
Anthony ducked quickly to get away from Colin's blade.
"You must have done something." His younger brother said, dancing back from Anthony's jab. "She was perfectly fine when you left us."
"I didn't do anything." Anthony growled, stalking around his brother. "One minute she was fine, the next she was running away."
"Which is obviously something you have no experience with." Benedict quipped. "You're far more used to beating them off with a stick."
"Maybe you should just abandon Miss Sharma and go after one of the willing debutantes." Colin suggested.
Anthony surged forward and struck his brother in the chest before he could stop him.
"Less talking, more fencing." Anthony told him, stalking back to his starting point as Benedict took Colin's place.
"Ready?" Benedict asked lazily.
He moved forward and Anthony quickly parried.
"Do you know why I win every time?" he asked, attacking his brother in return.
"Because every time you lose, you claim we cheated." Benedict answered.
"Because I know my duties." Anthony shot back. "What my purposes are and how to obtain them." He dropped his foil, surprising Benedict. "But when I'm around her, I can't think. All I want is to hear her laugh and make her smile. It's ridiculous."
He strode away, running a hand through his hair as Benedict and Colin exchanged a concerned look.
"She was never the plan." He said finally, turning back to them. "By all rights, I should be courting her sister. Instead I'm listening to mother preach patience and wondering how I can fix something when I don't even know what's wrong!"
"Well, I can see how the patience thing might be a problem." Colin told him with a laugh.
Anthony glared at him.
"I have plenty of patience. I haven't killed any of you yet, have I?"
"You have patience when you have to, Anthony." Benedict told him. "But mostly you make a plan and then you execute it come hell or high water. When you get an idea in your head you're like a bull in a china shop. I'm not sure that's going to work for you here."
"You're saying I shouldn't pursue her?" Anthony demanded.
"He's saying that Miss Sharma may require a lighter touch than you're used to." Colin answered. "You're used to relying on women falling over themselves to dance with Lord Bridgerton. You may have to actually show her who Anthony is to win her."
Anthony stabbed the ground with his foil a couple times as he thought.
"We made a bet at the race." He told them. "I told her that if her horse won, I would give her a gift that was equal to what she might have made with the bookkeepers. I was going to give her Isis."
Benedict whistled lowly.
"You won't even let us near Isis." Colin complained. "How do you know she will be able to handle her?"
"I've seen her ride." He admitted. "We didn't actually meet at Lady Danbury's ball."
Benedict grinned.
"And where, dear brother, did you actually meet our dear future sister-in-law?"
"She beat me in a race in the woods early in the morning two days before the ball." Anthony reluctantly told them, ignoring their grins. "She refused to give me her name. I suppose I should be glad she didn't exit the ball a few minutes before she did. She would have heard me say some ill-advised things about what I was looking for in a marriage and she'd probably still be refusing to give me her name."
"Well that settles that." Colin said, getting to his feet and joining his brothers. "You have to marry her. Any woman who can beat you in a horse race is someone I want spending every summer at Aubrey Hall with us."
"Which brings us back to the fact that I have to fix this!" Anthony growled. "And I still don't know how!"
"Mother preached patience, so let's follow her advice for now." Benedict soothed him. "Hold off on Isis. Start with flowers. She said she was feeling unwell, so send some wishing her a speedy recovery. We don't have any engagements for the next few days, so keep your distance and let her know of your consistency."
"Flowers?" Anthony repeated.
"Flowers." Colin confirmed.
~.~
Lady Danbury, Kate, and Edwina arrived home from the Palace in the afternoon to find Lady Mary waiting for them.
"These arrived for you, Edwina." She said, handing a bouquet of roses to her younger daughter. "They're from Lord Lumley."
Edwina smiled brightly, clutching them to her chest.
"How very thoughtful of him!"
Mary smiled at her daughter's reaction before turning to Kate.
"You received some flowers as well, Kate, but…well, you should probably just see."
She took her older daughter's hand and led her to the parlor. She opened the door and Kate's jaw dropped. Every where she looked were lilies.
"These came with a note."
Mary pressed the envelope into Kate's hand, who seemed unable to comprehend what she was looking at.
"Lord Bridgerton?" Edwina asked as Mary led them away from her unmoving daughter.
"Lord Bridgerton." Mary confirmed.
Kate realized she was alone finally and glanced down at the note in her hand. With shaking hands, she opened the seal and pulled out the slip.
My dear Miss Sharma,
I hope these flowers find you well. I have worried since your departure
from the race and hope these might speed your recovery.
I hope you enjoy lilies, for now, whenever I encounter their scent,
all I can think of is you.
Yours,
A. Bridgerton
She walked over to the nearest bouquet and pulled out a singular lily. She held it to her nose and breathed it in. It smelled just like her perfume.
This was a nightmare.
How was she supposed to walk away from this? She knew in her bones that he would break her heart, that he would distract her and derail everything she was trying to accomplish.
And yet…all she wanted to do was run to him. To find shelter and safety in his arms. God, all she wanted was him.
"Some advice, Miss Sharma?"
Kate spun to find Lady Danbury watching her.
"Letting one's self be happy is rarely a crime and never a betrayal, no matter what you may believe."
"I don't know what you mean, Lady Danbury." Kate told her. "I am perfectly happy as I am. Edwina will marry by the end of the Season and I shall return home alone, content to live a life of freedom."
"You may not yet know, and that is all well and good," Danbury said, stepping closer, "but I, for one, find it not only terribly disheartening but also an offense against truth, to hear you say you wish to be alone at a mere six and twenty? Especially when you are surrounded by flowers sent by a man who so clearly wants to make you his!"
"Lord Bridgerton is kind, but he can have no interest in me." Kate told her. "And perhaps you should not be disheartened. I will be content knowing my sister is taken care of."
"Lord Bridgerton is many things, quite a few distasteful, but he is not kind to women outside his family just for the sake of being kind." Danbury told her. "He could have his pick of the shinning jewels of the Season and yet it is my parlor he fills with flowers."
"I am new, my Lady." Kate protested. "When the alure of the exotic wears off, his interest will fade. And I have made my peace with that."
"And so you will be content alone." Danbury quoted dismissively.
"Are you so miserable, my lady?" Kate demanded.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Are you not alone yourself?" Kate lashed out. "I watch you. I see you. You are more than content."
"Because I have lived a life." Danbury shot back. "I am a widow. I have loved. I have lost. I have earned the right to do whatever I please, whenever I please, and however I please to do it. And you have the opportunity to do the same, if you would only see what is in front of your face."
Kate turned away and closed her eyes.
"I am the penniless daughter of a clerk, Lady Danbury." She whispered. "I am here only by your grace and the grace of Lady Mary. He could never choose me."
"And yet, he seems to have done just that." The matron told her. "No one is saying you have to marry him tomorrow, but if you never let anyone in, one day you will find that your walls have grown so high that no one can scale them. And then you will truly be alone."
Kate nodded and they were silent for a little while.
"I have decided to hold a soiree so that we might get a better idea of the range of Edwina's suitors." Danbury told her. "If you would like to help me with the invitations, you might be able to add something to the Bridgertons to make sure they attend."
Kate glanced at her before looking around at the sea of flowers one last time.
"Of course, Lady Danbury." She said, taking a deep breath. "I would be happy to help."
~.~
"Anthony, an invitation has arrived from Danbury house." Violet told him as she entered the study. "Your valet had yours sent over here as well." She handed him the envelope. "Strange, but yours feels a bit thicker than ours."
With that, she swept out of the room, leaving her confused son staring after her. He looked down at the invitation in his hand and broke the seal. Inside was the normal invitation one might receive, but there was also another slip. He pulled it out and a smile quickly grew.
My Lord Bridgerton,
Thank you for the flowers, they were lovely. Lilies happen to
be my favorite.
I look forward to your company at tonight's soiree.
K. Sharma
Anthony quickly set aside his quill. His books could wait.
He had a party to attend.