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I don't own anything related to Fate/stay night; this is a work of parody.
Act Two, Interlude One: Imposter
Witching Hour (Music) /EQC0DcXFxvE
Two girls sit on a giant bed fit for royalty. The same blue dress adorned them, but they were not the same.
Luviagelita had long and clean blonde hair built into twin tails. Katarina relaxed opposing her, with short and messy red hair relative to her perfect sister. It was short now, as she had cut much of it down and left it uneven. And it was messy as a new colour was expressed in it: blonde strands grew from the right side, but as if in payment for that, her left side was kept low, leaving an asymmetrical haircut that emphasized the new colour.
They made an unusual, but close pair. Even if harsh words were common... "Are you really so weak? So pathetic you can't do it? And yet you claim to be an Edelfelt? If you can't do this, then what are you, but a peasant?" Luvia was goading and threatening me.
"I-I don't think…."
"Katarina. Come now, it's not so hard, is it? Tell me a story!" She declared. We were on her bed, holding our pillows for warmth in the winter home.
"...Fine..." I gave in. It was unfair, but Luvia was not the type who played by the rules when she wants something.
"Huh, good." She huffed happily. She always got what she wanted. The real issue is I have no stories. I would have to really think about it. Knowing this, she asked something directly, " Your mother was a magus, but what about your father? What was he like? ..And your family"
I interrupted her before she drew any closer to topics I'd rather not speak of. Father
"Father, err, my former Father..." I was unsure what to call him.
"It's fine. You can say anything with me."
"Father was not a magus, I think... I did not truly know what magic was back then." A child does not know what is natural and unnatural to the world. So to a child, magic is the same as a car or tv or phone. It's all magic in its own way. "But.. he did tell a story once or twice about Japan..."
The past... Is just right there, if you allow it to come to you.
"A story of Japan? Like samurai or ninjas?"She spoke but my eyes were far off.
"..."
"Katarina? Are you listening?" Huh? My eyes refocused.
"Oh, thanks…" I was thinking of the past. "You want me to tell you?" I think I could do it.
"Obviously." I thought for a long time, trying to remember it. "You don't have to tell it if you-" She tries to give me an escape, but there is no need.
"No, I have a story."
"Hmm, Is it scary? I like scary stories." She likes stories where the hero faces difficult trials but wins in the end. Stories of King Arthur and Napoleon, people who
"Maybe. Not really." I took a deep breath and give myself away to a past memory. Each deep breath is a link to a past. Nii-san and I sat listening to him, a Kiseru pipe puffed into the air. The smell of tobacco: I give myself away to that smell and recite words from days that have been lost to time. "There were two great sword makers: Muramasa and Masamune: Masamune was the teacher, and Muramasa was the student. One day, Muramasa challenged his master, Masamune, to see who could make a finer sword. They both worked tirelessly, and when both swords were finished, they decided to test which was greater. The contest was for each to suspend the blades in a small creek with the cutting edge facing against the current. Muramasa's sword, the Juuchi Yosamu, cut everything that passed its way; fish, leaves floating down the river, the very air which blew on it. Highly impressed with his pupil's work, Masamune lowered his sword, the Yawarakai-Te, into the current and waited patiently. Only leaves were cut. However, the fish swam right up to it, and the air hissed as it gently blew by the blade. After a while, Muramasa began to scoff at his master for his apparent lack of skill in the making of his sword. Smiling to himself, Masamune pulled up his sword, dried it, and sheathed it. All the while, Muramasa was mocking him for his sword's inability to cut anything. A monk appeared as he had watched the duel. He explained what really happened, saying: 'The first sword was a great sword; however, it is a blood-thirsty, evil blade, as it does not discriminate as to who or what it will cut. It would fit both the world of men and nature without discrimination. The second was by far the finer of the two, as it does not needlessly cut that which is innocent and undeserving.' That's the story. Was it good?"
"T-that... you are quite the storyteller, Katarina! Not even I could just say something as you do!"
I looked at her through my glasses, "I was just mirroring Dad; it's not like it was so special. He was the one who told it back then."
"Come now, it's much more than that! Quite impressive!" She clapped, genuinely impressed. As if I were a kabuki actor.
"But I don't even know what the story was about."
"Huh...? What do you mean?"
"I'm good at being someone that I am not. I was reciting what I was told once; I don't know what the words mean."
"That's... a strange ability, Katharina... Where has that been until now? You could use something like that learning English as you do!"
"It doesn't work that way..." It's a hollow ability, one that allows no knowledge or gain. It is just the imitation of those I knew before I was born.
...Somethings are better left buried.
My head started to throb conveniently, asI didn't care for this conversation.
It was exactly because I didn't wish to think, speak, or remember this topic that my head hurt. I was overheating. My throat was parched. I was sweating profusely in the cold room; I was overheating in winter.
She would have kept pushing me, if not for my falling into the soft bed. "Katarina...? Are you well?" I am dizzy...
"Ugh, thirsty…" I was lightheaded. Red marks in my eyes: shadows eating away at me. What I am now is a heavy form, as I am not beside that which would have given me the heart to continue. The more I remember back then, the less my mind can accept where I am.
My eyes are changing ever so slowly, adjusting to reality. I understand instinctually that this is like a growing pain of that. But I am not alone still, even if it was not the one it should be. My head is held up, "Here." She held my head and had me drink. I drank the full glass of water. Magical water purified using magical means, the finest water in the world… but I was craving something more… something cooler that can cool down the heat in my head. "Do you need more, Katarina...?" Her voice is so nice. I really do appreciate you. Even alone she put so much work into her dress. Such a delicate pale face, with pink lips contrasting the elegant blue ribbons to her yellow hair.
Such an intoxicating neck... "More…" I needed... more. Maybe water would be enough. There is nothing more addicting than water, after all. At least... there should be nothing more addicting.
A caring, yet hard look takes my vision before darkness begins to fill the boundaries of my vision. She takes my glasses off. "I see… It's late, Katarina. Why don't you sleep? You'll feel better with rest." Her enchanting voice cajoled me into comfort. I fall into the cushions, giving in to slumber.
I dream of warmth, comfort and... other things... It's the best kind of rest that feels akin to a hot bath. I wake up in my room. The world from my eyes was just a bit brighter. My throat was no longer parched; I felt at peace and wholly sated.
From thenceforth, whenever I felt that lightheaded feeling, I turned to Luvia and I would feel better. She never complained. She would just help alleviate it. Even as it was an uncommon occurrence, it became a natural part of our relationship. Luvia had a nice side too.
Christmas time would make our gift, that of the magical crest. It was overdue in some ways, but the Edelfelt clan had a different philosophy than most.
Other clans place the full crest into their heirs as soon as possible, to prevent difficulties and for the child to come to accept it with more time. But Mom wanted us to learn magic ourselves in the old way of it, that of books and experimentation. Essentially she wanted us to suffer more for the sake of building character.
Also... she did not wish to give up the power of her own magic crest, for having two of the same magic crests in the world weakens the magic considerably. Suvia and Luvia were the exception to that rule, but that really was a one in a billion exception. Even that is uncertain, for it may be that they simply inherit the same crest within both of them at once. And for myself, who holds no connection to her family crest, she would not give me my own before her own daughters. Beside the fact that she needed to study it for value.
But that ends today. "Rejoice, my children, for the greatest gift in your life shall be bestowed upon you today. From the soil that you were born from, you shall now start on the path towards heaven itself. Peasants and even the normal royalty that rule the world will be forever below you. For you will be something more than human, a living conduit of power that brings greatness to yourself, and to those you stand beside. You will bear the honour of your ancestors on your body, and you shall use their knowledge to bring them glory. Are ready, do you wish to turn back and hide?" As if that was an option...
"We are ready." The three of us spoke without fear.
"Come, Luvia, Suvia. Sit down and I will start. Katarina, you will help me."
I held them in place as Mom... basically imprisoned them under a thin strap, hoding them like they were some experiment... I didn't like it. "Is this right, Mom?"
"It needs to be just tight enough that they won't move. You would not like it for me to miss, would you?"
"Oh, okay..." That's good then. I was totally not nervous now.
I was sent from the room then and waited and waited... a long time. five and a half hours, I sat... just thinking and worrying. I wanted to come back into the room and make sure nothing bad happened, but I know that such a thing would be bad.
Eventually, Mother came out like a doctor who completed a long surgery. "It is done, Katarina. Why don't you say hello to your sisters?"
I approached Suvia, "Does... it hurt?" Her eyes were clouded and far away.
"I will admit it: It's... not the best feeling... It's like if you never turned the circuit off. Like a soft burning... ugh..." She held her stomach in.
Mom tugs me away, "Now, Katarina, give some space, they are tired. You have something you need to do as well, don't you?"
"Y-yes..." I backed away slowly. I backed away until I hit the wall.
"Where are you going, Katarina? Surely you are not afraid of a little pain?" N-no...
"I..." What am I doing? Am I really afraid of it? "I'm fine." settling myself, I come with her.
The operation is done in a different room. Over hours, Henrietta cut into my wrist like a mechanic. She draws lines and orders them into patterns, that's the more excruciating part. There is no concept of numbing pain to a magus, not if it could make the body deny the natural transplant. It's all a science to them, but to me right now it sucks.
It takes four hours on my part. Just silent pain. It was unavoidable in this.
It's a pain with no comparison... not because it is unbearable, it is manageable. But this is a sensation of constant unnaturalness inscribed into my body: a dull burning that will stay forever. So it is nothing new. I already bear a far worse wound under my skin. Mom saved me back then with her life, but it is not like I was not burned alive. I lived because that was her wish: to have me live in her place. That is something not to forget.
This is not pain I deserve, I don't deserve to have this. Not because I don't deserve pain, but because this power should not go to an imposter like me... but if there is no one else to take it, then I am the only one left to honour any sort of memory to a family I once had.
Of course, this is only the start. For me, it will last two months of this sort of operations; and maybe even longer for Suvia and Luvia. It's the time needed to prevent our bodies from going into shock and killing ourselves. And that is considered quite fast for a fully formed Magical Crest.
After a long and tired sleep, we meet again the next day. The schooling never stopped.
"You are longer children now, and I will not treat you as such going forwards. In the old days, it used to be that wouldn't even receive a name until this moment."
"Yes."
"Now, Luvia, tell us about the mechanisms of the interactions between gems and the magic crest.
"The interaction..." She thought for a second and composed her answer.
"Gems act a magical catalyst for the transfer of prana, and the magic crest is the most effective method of recording magic. In that way, gems can actualize any sort of magic known in that crest very efficiently. Suvia could cast an earth elemental mystery, Katarina could cast a fire one, and I could cast wind, using the gem rather than their own circuit.."
"Haha, Excellent answer, Luvia. You can reach the potential of an average one without being one yourself." There was some bitterness in Mom's voice. For all of Luvia's perfection, in being perhaps the greatest magi in this generation in so many metrics... she was not an 'average one', her element was Earth. If there was anything that I knew Luvia disliked, it was being reminded of the limits of her life. All hate that, but to her, who worked so hard that she reached actually the ceiling of her potential,
Don't get me wrong. She was proud of what she had. Luvia had a magical potential that would rank as first-class, meaning that she would be on par with those 'great families' that still look at us as a sort of upstart. But she was not born perfect... she was not born with the blessing of all five elements.
I could tell, if she ever encountered such a person to have that blessing, she would hate them and push them until she could prove her superiority.
...It was but a day. I had not really felt like a kid for a long time, but that was the day we all grew up. Magic was carved into us, binding us to its fate.
It was early February when I saw it. I entered Luvia's room, looking for a hairbrush. I didn't like mine anymore. I hated looking at it. She had lots of hairbrushes, like twelve or something she never touched. I was just going to... take it. It's not stealing if it's your sister.
But when I came to her mirror wardrobe: I found a scene I couldn't comprehend. Letters. seven or so in total.
I would have left it be. I shouldn't have peeked at all, and respected privacy. Once I glanced a name that made my heart pause, it was too late.
'Shi-rou?' That's not possible. I refuse it. I started to read from the beginning.
Dated October 15. I started to read what was not mine.
'Dear Luviagelita,
I figured that I could use this letter as an opportunity to do better with my English skill. I think you are a good person and I am sending you this letter to tell you that.
I still know so little about you and what people in the west do with magic. I can do all sorts of stuff, but I guess I am specialized in making things. I'm working on a difficult project by myself right now, and I wish someone like you could help, as you are very smart. I maybe have to come there one day to change things. I think of your power often and how confident you were!
Here in Japan, it is very pretty in the fall, like you. I hope I can come one day to see that beauty in person. Said Finland was too.
I send this as your pen-pal, as I promised. You were very pleasant when I met you and it is good to make friends. I hope that you are still well. I think keeping in touch would be a great thing!
From Shirou.'
Marks underline every sentence. It isn't hard to see the tone of friendliness… or something more. My face reddens a little at the thought. It makes me both embarrassed and noxious as I once again read the name. 'Why?' There are only two names that would curse me like this…Not even Luka, Ren, Hiyoko, or Elza. It is the selfish truth.
The address reads Fuyuki… but that knowledge slips off my mind. For some reason, I think that it's just natural that it's from there as if that's the only place in Japan.
Dated November 10.
'Dear Shirou,
It is my duty to respond to you. It is only natural that you would feel the need to look to me, for it is the burden of nobility to guide the hands of the peasantry.
You know well, as per our discussion, of the terms of converse between magi. I will not tell you of my magic, but if you really insist, you may talk of your own. I had no idea that magic was so open to the people of the east. Japan seems to be a place of samurai, an exotic and uncivilized land. When I take my role as head, I will travel the world over.'
Written at the end with hesitation, was a part I could see she wrote over and over in different ways. 'I recall that you said 'Von Einzbern' was your family, but that is not correct. I confirmed your truth, but it seems that I must be mistaken. Are you truly affiliated to the Von Einzbern family of Germany? It may be impertinent for me to ask, for you must feel that it is a common confusion for you. I apologize if that offends you, as your appearance was not that of what I would think, so I would suppose you are of a different family with the same name?
Sincerely, Luviagelita Edelfelt.'
A respectful and sensible response that probably took her forever to write as perfect as she could. I knew that she must have been a little embarrassed to have received something like this. But Von Einzbern…? Had I heard that before? Long long ago, in another life.
The next letter… was different. Its writing was almost crooked and reading it made me feel a sense of hollowness. It was devoid of the handwriting style that a person developed, it was more… bestial almost, in a mechanical way. His English ability improved dramatically for some reason.
Whirlpool of Fate 2 (Music) /3wXmgL-CuY0
Dated November 30.
'Dear Luviagelita,
If you could choose between living forever in a hollow world where no one is unhappy, but no one is happy, or a world with meaning, that is inevitably doomed to end: what would you do, Luvia? I have done something horrible, taking away the choices of others and domineering it all in my own view.
I brought my Mom back to life, and I completed the first part of my goal, but she couldn't choose for herself. Mom doesn't let anyone leave the house, so we're all being homeschooled by her. Only Fuji-nee, is allowed to come and go because Mom doesn't like her being in the house too long. Shinji too, was given the choice to go to boarding school, and he took it.
But the remaining four of us are stuck here in this hollow world. It's quiet and nobody smiles even from the food I cook. I can't accept that, this fraud is not what I wanted. My best friends: Rin and Sakura are now also my Mom's students. But Mom doesn't feel like teaching if Onee-san is not here. Dad does not fight anymore, but he is not truly happy, no matter what mother tries to make him smile.
Sakura is quiet, but Rin is falling, she is too strong for this place. It hurts her to live in this hollowness. The same air that lets Mom live free and be powerful saps Rin of all strength. If not for my hand holding her up, I think she would collapse.
I am holding her in one hand, and in the other, all the evils of the world. I must withdraw my hands from one, or I will drop both.
I only want to grant the wishes of people around me, I want to save them. But I don't know what I should do. I can take away their suffering into myself, but how can I fill them once they are empty of it? I don't know what to do. I can't be nothing and I can't be something. What would you do, Luvia? My voice rings empty here, so I have nobody else I can ask. You have an inner strength that I would look up to in this.
P.S. I am the Von Einzbern from Germany, my sister is actually stuck there. Also, I'm doing well in school, thank you for asking. I am also eleven now too, yay.
From Shirou.'
...This was a change to the boy from before. It was dark and bizarre writing. Looking at it too long would just give you a headache. And yet, Luvia's marks were all over it, analyzing it deeply like a puzzle. She took to it as a magus would, seriously debating his insane questions. ...Whoever wrote this was not a child in my eyes, it's not something I could write with the years of english I have, and it would make even Luvia pause... or so I think.
I find her reply next to the last, her rough draft that must have been later redone and sent. I hope this isn't how I fear it will be...
Her response was dated December 19.
'Dear Shirou,
I am flattered that you would recognise so readily that i can write in the coded tongue of magi. I understand what you are trying to convey, and i welcome future letters to this effect.
As to my answer: Shirou, you must persevere. The path of the magus is hard but right. I know that it is enticing to work so hard to bring those around you up to your level, but do not forget that you are the most important person. You cannot make others change if you do not so so first. Do not lower yourself for anyone's sake.
My sister, to who I would owe in this dispute, tells me that there is no rule saying you can not be both. She is naive, but perhaps is not always wrong. To be human is to accept yourself for what it is. And to be a magus is to turn yourself into something more than that. Still, you don't need to be only one all the time. You might feel out of place, because you have begun to feel that you are more than human, and you cannot remove that. I agree that there is no place for regret.
If the situation needs it, then try to smile, try to be happy, and do things you enjoy. Be human: If you can't do that then force yourself. Pretend that you are happy until others will believe it, then eventually you will forget you are acting.' After this point is a large blotch of scratched out lines. 'I do not know how right that is, but I see that you struggle the same... We are the same... We both understand that...' This part is scribbled out a few times. She changed the words many times, as this was her rough draft sheet.
It continues in a new line, 'All Magi struggle in this. To be a magus is to not be satisfied with one's own self, but the truest magi are those who do. You do not
If you can be neither something nor nothing, as you aptly put it, then there is no harm to being both. For if you succeed, you will have achieved an ultimate victory rather than a limited one. Do not be afraid of possible outcomes, simply work to win at everything, and if you are worthy then you will only gain.
I hope I have adequately assisted you, Shirou Von Einzbern. I was ignorant in not recognizing you. Please excuse me for calling you a peasant, for I hold a deep respect for your esteemed house. I know now that you were but acting a fool when we met, I would applaud your ability in deception, but I promise you would not catch me off guard again.
Sincerely, Luviagelita Edelfelt.'
It is as I feared it, she responded confidently, trying to match him in almost competition. Luvia… you listened to me? Or perhaps she would offer it to him, but hold it for herself. It gives me a bad feeling in my chest. She is being drawn into a whirlpool, and by relation so am I. Or is it that i was the one who brought her to this moment?
I should have stopped reading entirely, but it was far too late for that.
January 31 was the date of the next.
'Dear Luviagelita,
I did as you said: I gave up one of my seven penalties. I promised not to smile, but I did it anyway. I smiled at Rin to thank her for trying to help me out, Sakura became jealous for some weird reason and started being more active too. Mom saw this and started laughing, and I think she knew what I had chosen. Things didn't change overnight, but it did change. I choose to end these hollow days, and to allow true value to return, even if that will eventually burn out and all shall fade away. It is better this way; without you, I don't know how long it would have been until I realized what is right.
You are a good person, Luvia. Thank you for listening to me. You have been my light in this darkness; I owe a debt to you, if you ever require anything I will be there for you.
P.S. Oh, and I am in Germany right now, and by the time you read this, it will be done: my sister is going to be coming home! Unless we die, but Dad is feeling better suddenly and I think he is invincible.
From Shirou.'
The final letter was marked today. She must be sending a cleaner copy. These were the originals with all the revisions and marks. This one was full of revisions and whiteouts.
'Dear Shirou,
I feel the same way, about myself of course...' Blacked out with ink.
'I think of you as similar of mind...' Whited out.
'I can be honest too. You are not disinteresting. Whence we grow, then I think that we can hold a...' Scribbled out over and over. She wrote it out and rewrote it more formally each time.
'It's only natural to seek my help, for I am likely the smartest person you have ever met. If we are to be of an allied mind, then it is right we would exchange favours. I dare not deny an offer, and I will one day take you for your word. Shirou, If you leave yourself isolated from others, and you don't treat yourself as valuable, then no one else will too. You consort yourself with these sisters of yours, that is good. Magi must respect their family condition.
Be safe.'
From Luviagelita.'
Much more was written and excised than what was left to send. Words that I had a hard time imagining from her mouth. … I have no idea what I just read. This… was like some poorly made joke. Luvia herself had written all over his letters as if it was an encoded message hiding some deeper meaning ...I was left standing there, just taking it in. I realized my eyes were watering up only after the paper was wet.
I don't notice the door open behind me. But I do notice the gasp that shakes my heart. I turn to see the obvious person, It is her room, after all.
We eye one another for a few seconds in shock. "Katarina…" Her eyes were hurt. I had violated her privacy in a horrible way. Worse than that I was caught in the act.
I was shocked. I didn't know what to say or do, so when she came closer I did not flinch.
She moved gracefully to be next to me, looking down at the letters. "Luvia… I-I." Her hand adorned with a blue glove came crashing at my face. It stopped just short. If I were not considered her sister by blood, then she would have treated me as she would a servant who has acted poorly. She would slapped me down.
"Get out." An order.
"Luvia-" A plea.
And then the eventual anger, "Leave!" My nerves were shot and I walked out on command. I was a little sister, I listened to the words of my older siblings, as it was who I was born to be. It was better this way... so we would not see the other until a calm came. To speak then would have only drawn out hurt. Those letters had a curse to them that she would not be able to see, but I could. I could see the piercing hex that drew out all the emotions in its reader.
I left her, and it would not be until a day or so that I would feel that it may be enough time to approach the topic. But It would so happen that she would come to me first.
"I apologize…" She clenched her teeth, uncomfortable with the concept of a genuine apology. "If you promise not to tell Mom of all of this, then I shall explain."
"...Deal." It was free for me, as I would not tell on Luvia anyway. This topic too was something I wanted to keep secret.
"Y-you wrote letters to... this boy. But how did this start? What happened?"
"I met him in London when Mom left you to go find that book or whatever. And… we spoke. ...Shirou Von Einzbern his name was, and I confirmed his honesty under magic." She did ask me back then: 'is Shirou a common name of Japan.' I told her that… it was not common, but not rare either. Now I know she was doing more than hurting me with her words. She met someone, in the flesh, named Shirou... from Japan...
"Then he really is... Von Einzbern?" Von Einzbern: a family that ranks among the greatest, yet is secluded from the association and is thus spoken of with some trepidation. Luvia may not have been fully aware of the name at first, or simply dismissed the idea entirely. Meeting a Von Enizbern on some street, it sounds like a scam.
When Mom apologized that the Edelfelt mansion was only the seventh, now fifth, largest mansion of Europe, she was saying so because of the Von Einzbern being first. Even at the pace that Mom builds new buildings here, it still pales in comparison to the few descriptions of what the Einzbern mansion is. To the world of modern magi, they are like a unicorn hiding in the woods, truly clinging to the old ways. "He at least truly believes himself to be. A Geis of honesty can only check the belief and intention of the speaker, it can not tell you what really is."
"I see…" but he told the truth still. Reasonably, he must be a liar, but magic is not wrong.
Henrietta put me under an honesty Geis when I came here years ago, but she only wished to know everything I remembered of that red day. Even as I wept, she would not let me stop...
...Nothing good comes of this. "I am not blind, Katarina. I can see the hurt you feel with that name, and so I never brought it up. Was that wrong?" I didn't blame her: this was my greatest weakness. When it comes to Nii-san, my heart still bleeds. It would never stop, how could it not? I was born to be his sister: Without him, I am forever out of place. Even if I expelled the old me to be Katarina Edelfelt, this is one that can not be healed no matter what.
"...No. You're right." The letters made me feel just as hollow as the writer. "But… what is it that… this boy is saying? Why do you respond to him?" This boy is not the same. He is not the same. He is the devil in disguise, spiting me with his existence. To have this now? It was a joke of God.
"Katarina, not all families are like ours. All magi must kill that which is human to hold magic, but some families… take it further and push that to the limit.,, Hmm, Katarina... Do you know what a metaphor is, or an allegory?"
"...Not really."
"It means that when he writes, he is speaking in code. He doesn't actually have friends named Sakura and Rin, and he has no older sister that helps connect him to the outside world or one that is imprisoned in a castle. He may have a family, but it's certainly not the craziness he describes. If you knew magi as I do, then you too could see that he is speaking in code to me. He wishes for my advice and wants to speak with me, but he does not know how to approach me. He is just embarrassed to speak his mind clearly. Every word is communicating some deeper message about his own struggles as a magus..." She was confident in this view of it... but those with the strongest personalities tend to project their own view as fact. To someone without one like me
"So he is not in trouble?"
"He may be, but I doubt he is literally living in a hollow world that he can only maintain by cursing himself. It's a metaphor for his inner struggle, Katarina. His mother represents his magic... and these Rin and Sakura characters are different parts of his personality. " Who was she speaking for? Herself or him?
"I still think we should go and find him," I said something stupid. I wanted to see this boy and tell him to change his name or tell him to leave me alone. So I could stamp out these hopeless thoughts about reuniting with him. 'Foolish...'
She laughed, "Haha, You're kind, Katarina. But that is impossible. Von Einzbern…? hah, something like that is not even to be thought of." She sighed, her eyes were as dark as her laugh was. "I think the letter stage is enough for now; he is entertaining enough to me to keep..." Maybe if I was in a normal state of mind, I would have seen the soft shade of red on her cheeks.
"..." But I was mad. "T-that's not right! You're not doing anything for him! He's talking like he's going crazy, and you're pushing him further!" I snapped angrily. I wasn't angry at her, more at everything in general for bringing this to my view.
"Hmph, I'm giving him advice he asks for, Katarina. Why are you doing but making a big deal out of nothing? You treat him as if he is your dead brother." She beat me down with disinterested words and a cold face.
"Y-you…"
"Now, Sister. Don't you trust me? I have promised to consult you on this. Is that not enough? I will not encourage you if you take this boy so wrong; he has no connection to your brother, take my word for it."
With no retort, I bowed My head. "...Yes, sorry."
"Apology accepted. Now shall we go skating? I'm in the mood to move today." And so we did. Luvia, Suvia, and I skated on the windy lake.
... I don't know if I can look in her eyes as I once could. I just can't, when I am the one who is the imposter. I can not blame this 'Shirou', even if I hate hearing about him. A person who would try to fix all the problems, and grant all wishes of the people around them. ...A specter of the past. That is what this is.
The letters continued. Luvia did not show me their contents but did ask me for advice on how to respond to strangely specific Japanese. The name is like an insulting rhyme meant to remind me of my own nature. I slowly left it to her alone. I felt better to forget it. I didn't feel the same as I used to, I just didn't want to think about that anymore.
I gave myself to the growing persona in me: that of a haughty rich noble. I may not be able to close my wound, but I learned to ignore it. I drowned in study and training to prevent extra thought. I try to take my frustrations out on Luvia in the gym, but she would win anyway.
Time accelerates. Spring passed. We worked hard, studying from home on magic, and martial arts. And the rest at a nearby all-girls school essentially owned by the family. Ilmaren, our combat teacher and head servant, died in late spring. I did not cry. I think Suvia might have, she has always been looking up to him and wanting to be a true fighter like he was.
He was old, and with the spring the diseases came through and caught him quickly. Old wounds from the war returned and he expired. Mom says long life is something to aspire for but the idea I would die makes no sense to me. The land of the dead is the place I belong, and the place I must go to, yet I am afraid of dying.
Mom made a search for a new one and made it a small public offering to any that would teach us. She offered a small fortune depending on skill. Many came from all sorts of fields: wrestling, boxing, fencing, and the eastern arts. Even some lesser magi seeking to gain our favor.
Mom kicked them all out one by one unimpressed. It looked like we would just train independently from now on. All until a last man appeared. Two months after she advertised it, he came without warning. On a late July night, arrived in the dead of night and knocked onto the huge main door.
Mom treated him annoyed, but also intrigued. What sort of person makes their way at such a time? She always made us watch her give applicants a lookdown to give us examples of how to treat unsatisfactory people. But... she did not look down at this man, she looked at him straight and with a stone face.
"You are a priest?" she was a little on edge, keeping a close eye on him. "What are you wishing for, I have always maintained cordial relations to your organization."
"I am a Church executor, I am offering my services as a teacher."
The room froze. That was the end of the visage of friendlieness.
Mom sounded outraged, "I'm should be offended that someone like you would just walk into here! I'm unsure if I should kill you now, or accept your offer readily." In her hands were gems of the highest quality each holding power equal to tons of dynamite. They could be used to fuel extraordinarily magic, covering an entire room in death and destruction.
I had never once seen her unveil them.
He had an unpleasant smile, "I would forgive you for whatever choice you make. But is it fair to attack a man looking for employment?" A fair thin to say, in any eyes. I did not like the man at first sight.
When his eyes strayed to mine, I could not keep eye contact. There was something there I disliked in them. I saw a mirror to my own. I had once found a reason for living and wished for it to be true. He had never found that and had no wish at all. His wish was to find his wish; or an answer to why he was as he was. I did not what to think of it.
After some long and stormy deliberation: she hired him and he lived in a nearby guest house, which was held outside of the boundary field that protected our home. He never gave his name, but she cared little for that.
Mom watched nearby as he trained us.
His lessons were different. He was fast and strong to a level that even Mother paused at. He did not hold back and pushed us around like it was nothing. It was impossible in my eyes, as he dismantled magical tactics like they were not there at all.
Ilmarenen was only human, and even as a very fit man, he was still very old. His strength was nowhere near to this man. He fought like he was not human in the first place, moving slow to the eye, but quick to the heart. His movement was deceptive in the first place, and could be called magical all on its own.
Unlike before, there was no training of technique or movements. He told us to hit him once.
We learned much from him, thinking that with time we would definitely become his equals. He took us out easily one on one, exposing our lack of skill like it was nothing. Then three on one he showed us that we were weak, exposing our lack of coordination like it was nothing. Even when we were allowed to use magic, he beat us without much difference.
Mom watched amused while the older man beat up us little girls. She didn't much care if it hurt as long as we learned from it. Magi really are twisted, but maybe I am too because I did laugh a little at it. I was ten years old! Luvia and Suvia are eleven! It was Insanity.
One night, seemingly on a whim, he made homemade tofu and ramen out of nowhere. He gave it out to is to try... I still don't know if it was an assassination attempt, but the spiciness was cruel. He seemed lost, and bored almost as if waiting for something. It wasn't boring though. Mom liked him because he was dangerous.
The fourth week would be the last.
He told us to leave nothing back, and Mom agreed. He told us to try and kill him.
Luvia held him off for thirteen seconds. She used only reinforcement but it wasn't surprising that she was unable to match his strength at all. Her small size kept her free for a time until his hand chopped on her neck leaving an unconscious Luvia. She had a good plan, at least for the opening moments.
Suvia held out for seven seconds before he put her unconscious. She had burned half of the ground, but he was unharmed by it. The same simple blow to the neck. She had agility and had gone for an approach of mutual destruction in her own act of bravery somewhat in reflection of why she lost to me back then. But what would beat me, would not even hit him.
What did I have? I held a sword in my hand. Unblemished steel that was heavy in my hands, but holding it emboldened my strength. I held it in the Chuudan stance, intending to stab at him and hopefully run him through. In reality, I doubted that I was going to survive at all. He would probably not like that I had a weapon.
We were allowed anything for use. So I... brandished the blade I kept in my room. A blade that cuts everything in its path: its only loyalty was to blood. But it listened to me if I promised it its desire.
Whoosh.
The cutting of wind.
Our 'fight' ended in two seconds. I let go of my inhibitions and let it cut the air, and with that, I cut only his hand, yet I swear no blood left it. A deep colourless gash; an observer would have not noticed it, but I did. A cut that left the blade dissatisfied. It was the victory hit.
There was nothing to it, for that was in the same moment that put me unconscious in one chop to my neck, making it not much of a victory. I had lasted the smallest duration as I sought him out rather than waited for his blow. But I alone had hit him, but no one saw.
Only he would know, and his smile as I began to fall haunted me. I hit the ground and his voice echoes in my head.
He spoke words only I would hear. Forbidden speech that should not be understood "自分が何者であるかを忘れな、神稚児。" I fell numb not from the blow to my blood but from the black curse his voice cast on me. Nobody but the girl who looked back at me in the mirror understood or knew. Likely the holy man himself did not know anything more past suspicion. He was one that never failed to find that single weakness to expose: to see my face was enough for him then. Still, the sleep akin to death came to save me from it, for I would sooner die than face what may come with it.
Yet that darkness faded, and I found myself living as usual. When we awoke, bruised but otherwise healthy, the man was gone; as if his purpose here had been completed.
In the night he disappeared without a trace into the dark he had appeared from in the first place.
Mom was infuriated until she realized nothing had been taken, and he had left all that Mom had offered him in payment. He just vanished into the night without a trace, and without even taking payment. Magic could protect even the mind, and she helped to heal us herself, so she cared not for the scars of the past. Mom was naturally disappointed in us for losing, even as he was so far above us. The Edelfelt way disallowed defeat. Mom hated being cheated and resented not having him for us to one day overcome, but time moves on.
We moved on again. He had been unpleasant, but there was no teacher that could come close to him in skill. When I learned what an executor of the church was, I also learned how insane Mother was for allowing his entrance here. To employ him like that was treason to the Association and the Church. But... it answered the question of how far she was willing to go in order to give us education and power: anything at all. She was never caught, so it was fine. Not even Father was trusted with the secret.
It was true, though. He was a teacher of unparalleled skill. He destroyed our confidence, but we would start over and be stronger for it.
We sought no teacher after that. We were at the age now we no longer needed it. ...It is also a fact that there was not going to be anyone better than him. He came on a whim and left on a whim, so it was at least reliable. The phantom pain of his stone blows would be a guide to what awaited in true battle. I think that was what Mother truly
Life moves on, even if you do not have a reason to live. Some are so lucky to die just as that reason did, but I think most don't. I think that most don't even realize it until much later, for they simply did not imagine that losing it was possible in the first place.
With age, the warmth that we conducted ourselves with lessened. We were close but in a more subtle, assumed and distant way. We didn't share as much and our own lives developed. We grew up. And all that time, the name 'Shirou' was one I was never able to escape: a demon of the past dragging me down to hell.
Author's notes:
Maybe I should just tell the rest of the story in letter form. Shirou is more honest that way than he can even be to his own mind. Everyone has regained a sense of themselves now. Thank Luvia for that. She thinks Shirou is talking in code, but he really is being 100% honest. Don't hate on me if Shirou is edgy and unabashed, that's on him, not me.
Who knows why Katarina does as she does, and the reason she exists? I don't really care for OC's much, and I would never artificially force one as an important perspective. Katarina is Shirou's biological sister. Must I say more than that?
Ilya is next. WIll earn that M rating next chapter I think.
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