Chapter 45: Too Fucking Much

Time flew when you were nonstop fearing for your life and that of all you held dear. Not that this was a new situation, but almost losing Levi and abducting a shrewd scientist—by murdering one's way through the most renowned facility of Marley—sharpened Nora's awareness of the constant danger they were in. She wanted to prepare, but they were already training, researching, recruiting, developing weapons, fortifying the Walls and the harbour, and so on. What else was there to do without knowing what exactly to expect? Without the Founding Titan?

If only her brain could accept that and let it rest. It wouldn't leave her alone, especially not after nightfall.

While she continued to have panic attacks, she saw some improvement, if one wanted to call it that. For one, their frequency was slowly decreasing, and second, she sometimes managed to snap out of it before it got to the worst point.

The reason, of course, was Levi. Particularly vigilant ever since he had first caught on, he noticed when it crept up on her. She was trapped in a swamp of fear, got slowly pulled down in the mud, but before it swallowed her whole, Levi dragged her back out. And even if he didn't manage to, he would sit with her, silent, and put his hand on her shoulder—a safe, calming spot during her panic attacks, he had somehow figured out without trial and error.

She'd get through this, with the stubborn bastard's help she deserved exactly as little as him, and he wouldn't resent her for it. And even if she didn't beat this, she would just keep fighting, and "freak out however much she wanted" as long as she was in their quarters, with no battle to fight, where only he could see. She owed him that much, at least.

Ironically enough, however, if he were gone, she'd probably be rid of the panic attacks, as well.

So, really, it could be much worse. How comforting.

This evening, at least, was one of the better ones. Nora sat in bed with her book (a recommendation by Ayad about genetics), and after several tries, finally found herself sufficiently immersed in her reading, for once. For minutes at a time, she would forget that the outside world existed, that she existed. Now if that wasn't an improvement.

She almost jumped when it suddenly rained hard, angular objects on her lap.

"What the—" Looking up, her startled gaze met Levi's. She hadn't even heard him come in.

"There." He tipped his chin towards the bed. "Don't eat it all at once, this time. You're even crabbier when you can't take a shit."

Nora saw for the first time—stunned speechless when she identified the objects he had attacked her with.

Chocolate. Bars and bars of dark chocolate, as written in Eldian on the pretty, shiny silver packaging.

She counted. She counted again. Exactly twenty.

Nora said the first thing she could think of. "That must have been expensive."

He shrugged, arms crossed, expression still stern. "Should last a while."

"You're crazy," she breathed, her chest squeezing.

"I'm in good company." He turned and went back into the office, as quietly and abruptly as he had come.

It took her brain a while to catch up. Levi had bought her chocolate. She had lots of chocolate because Levi had bought it for her. At first, this was all she was capable of thinking.

Next, the why, unvoiced yet obvious; because he wanted her to feel better. Because he worried.

Only then, the how. He must have organised this a while ago. Maybe had it included in the latest shipment from Hizuru.

Twenty.

Her heart was in her throat, and there wasn't enough space there as it was. Nora's feet carried her out of the bedroom before she had any idea what she was going to do or say.

"Levi, I—" She stopped in her tracks, a few feet from the desk he was currently sitting behind. Something was missing. A lot of somethings.

Her books and notes. The very ones she had meant to study and work on come tomorrow, which was why she had laid them out in a particular system so she could find everything and not get them mixed up.

The polished surface of the desk now held one open folder, a single pen, and a teacup. That was the thanks she got for being considerate enough to avoid cluttering his side. Largely.

It was irritating, and exactly the right timing, steadying her, providing her with the opportunity to focus on something relevant, yet simple. She didn't get a lot of simple, these days. What was going on inside her right now was anything but.

Nora put her hands on her hips. "Why did you put away all my notes and books?"

His glare was immediate. "I put them away because first, it's my desk, too, and second, last time I didn't, you fell asleep mid-reading like some drooling idiot and spilled your damn tea all over those papers and I'm left to deal with that shitty mess."

This was right, as right as anything could be.

And it could not last, it never could, but that didn't take away from it. If anything, the contrary was the case.

Because at this moment, she was so full of utter, undiluted, delirious happiness, it felt like she would burst. Her heart was drumming a vigorous rhythm against her ribcage, and even that was perfectly right, exactly as it should be.

"I should kick your ass more often instead of picking up after you every damn day because you brat cannot—"

"Levi." Her voice was quiet, steady, sure, full. It should have surprised her, but it didn't. He stopped short mid-rant, his scowl immediately replaced by… another scowl that was milder and questioning.

And Nora took a calm and even breath, and said, "I love you."

His features slackened. He stared at her, unblinking.

She had braced herself for this, and she kept her eyes trained on his, and it was one of the hardest things she had ever done. But she found it imperative; she felt she owed it to him, first and foremost, but also to herself.

It seemed she had thrown him out of kilter—yet, at the same time, there wasn't that specific kind of surprise in his expression, and of that she was glad. Surprised that she had spoken, sure, but not surprised at the fact; it was clear as day, especially once he got a grip on himself again, expression composed—and not even a hint of tension or the suggestion of a frown in sight.

Instead, there was a softness and intensity and bareness to his silvery gaze that might be beyond anything she had ever seen from him. No—from anyone.

Levi stood up, rounded the desk, came to stand in front of her. He cradled her face in his hands, fingertips sliding into her hair, spreading tingles throughout her body. "Nutcase." He put so much into that one word it made her quiver, and she wouldn't have thought it possible, but there was even more in what he said next. "You're never going to get rid of me, you know that?"

She wrapped her arms around his solid middle, drawing him closer until not a single thin sheet of paper would have fit between them.

Promise, she did not say.

###

Nora felt like she always did in his arms: warm except for feet and hands, soft hair tickling his skin, and too damn frail. Her uneven, slightly elevated breathing told Levi that she was still awake, too. But no matter what, she would surely doze off before him.

What had transpired just earlier shouldn't make much of a difference, yet here he was, too goddamn fucking happy to even think of sleep. He wanted to give her even more chocolate. He wanted to give her everything. He wanted to give her peace, real peace, not the type that was as fleeting as this very moment. The type that couldn't possibly exist. Soon enough, he'd remember the world outside these rooms, and it would be back to fighting for their lives. For her life.

In truth, he couldn't blame her for being tight-lipped, nor for losing her shit at night. She and her issues. Maybe he was hypocritical here, but he doubted he would ever hear that again. Once was enough, anyway. He had known, and now he knew that she knew, and that she wanted him to know. What more could there possibly be left? He had it all.

And he would do his damnedest to keep it.

"Just so you know," Nora said right when he thought she might have fallen asleep. "I've been meaning to tell you for quite a while, but… well. Things happened. Then today, you dump a shit ton of chocolate on me only to start an argument right after, and I just—it's not the chocolate, either, but I just—" She faltered. Of course.

"And here I thought you fell in love with me just now because of the chocolate."

"Sh-shut up," she stuttered. Clearly still uncomfortable with the word. And the feeling, probably. Well, he could get behind that. No complaints, though. "I—I just couldn't not say it any longer."

"Why?" He had to ask; her stammered little speech almost made it sound like she had felt obliged to.

"Because—because you—" She wouldn't get out another additional word.

An unpleasant sense of suspicion swelled in his chest. "Because of what I said to you on your birthday?" he presumed, an edge to his voice. He wouldn't accept charity. If she only talked for his sake, she better keep her damn mouth shut.

"No. No." She squeezed his biceps in emphasis, took a deep, audible breath. "I've never said that before. Not to anyone, not once in my whole life. Not even to my mother." She paused as if to give him time to stomach this. And to be honest, he was astonished. Not even her mother? Not even as a child?

Nora seemed to take his silence as exactly what it was, yet the wrong way. Curled against his body as she was, Levi felt her tense, but when she spoke, her tone was tinged with a hint of defiance. "That's just how messed up I am. But now… I wanted to. That's it. You're just too fucking much." She inched even closer, squeezed his arm again, this time harder. "Is that a good enough reason for you?"

There was that high, that rush again. Back to that ridiculous, strange and all-encompassing contentedness, as if he had arrived somewhere, exactly where he had to be and wanted to be, and for good.

"It's the only reason I accept, in fact," he told her. That was everything he could do or say at the moment.

She was just too fucking much.

#

He had been the last to drift off, and he was the first to awake. And now he was watching Nora sleep as he had so often over the years, especially in the beginning, when he could barely believe that she was there, in his bed, choosing his company and what little it had to offer above anything else.

It had been a while since he'd watched that excessively, though. Since it had made him feel so wide awake.

And if it had anything to do with what she had said the night before, he didn't give a damn.

I love you. No if, no buts, no doubts. When she had never said it before. Those words belonged to him now, and to him alone.

You don't love because it gives you an advantage of some sort or so you're loved back. It's not on purpose. You just do. No strings, no intentions, no use whatsoever.

And yet, this was where it had landed him. All the strings, intentions, reciprocity. Hell if it wasn't the best fucking thing he had ever done.

Before he could muster a single reasonable thought, he kissed her in her sleep; something he had never done before. Softly, slowly, with relish, because sometimes he could be patient after all.

She stirred after a second and he felt her lips press into a hard line. The corners of his mouth twitched at the bleary-eyed, confused look on her face. She blinked twice, and her dark eyes filled with recognition, features relaxing as the confusion cleared up—and then she was smiling softly against his lips, winding her fingers in his hair as if on instinct.

And Levi was a goner once again, and hell was he glad she didn't lay her palm against his chest to feel his heartbeat.

"What is going on?" Nora's voice was slightly scratchy from sleep when they pulled apart a bit. "What about rudely shaking me awake while calling me names?"

I want you so much it's irritating and I'm too selfish to let you sleep. "It's an hour too early, so I thought I need to adapt my strategy." In emphasis, he dragged his fingers from the base of her throat down her breastbone. When he traced the underside of her breast, soft meeting the hard of her ribcage, he felt her shudder the slightest bit. He wasn't sure what was going on in his face, but he certainly felt what was going on further down, how he grew harder than he already was. She must be feeling it, as well.

Regardless, she looked and acted like nothing was going on, glancing at the clock. "So it's barely past five, huh? I feel like I should be pissed off."

"Are you?" His voice had become deeper and husky without his consent. He bent his head, kissing his way along the line of her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, and down. Following a trail he knew by heart. He paused with his lips above her pebbled nipple, inhaling her scent while he waited for an answer.

"Not even a little," she breathed.

Yeah, he'd thought so. It took barely any effort from his side, and he had her craziness to thank for it. Levi might have smirked a bit, but the next second, his mouth was busy, and gone was that irrelevant sense of childish triumph.

The small noises she made were a good, insanely hot start, but he was a perfectionist. He flicked his thumb over the peak of her other breast. Fuck, the way her breath caught in time with his movements, when he drew her between his teeth.

Soon, she was squirming and tugging at his hair, but he had no intention of following her unspoken command; holding her in place with one hand on her sharp hipbone, he traced unhurried kisses down her abdomen, the muscles tensed. He took the blanket with him in the process; he wanted to see her when he thoroughly ate her out.

Levi pulled at her knee, settling between her legs. The best place on the whole damn planet, where he was concerned.

"Shit," she swore when he licked the juncture between thigh and groin.

He grazed his lips across her hot flesh—soft and stubbly at the same time—and her next swear turned into a moan. A swirl with the tip of his tongue right where she was most sensitive made it even better.

Sometimes it was hard to keep his eyes open and watch while he was tasting her, felt and heard her reactions to him. It was so fucking maddening he was aching below his hips, drawn tight like a bow.

Always so worth it.

He slid one finger inside her and sucked once, lightly, earning himself a long-drawn moan and her hands in his hair. He continued like that, alternating with soft strokes of his tongue, until she grew louder, wetter, throwing more delicious swear words at him.

Fuck, he could do this all day long. If he weren't so greedy.

Nora pushed at him, tried to retreat—but he had her firmly pinned down with his free hand at her hip, and he noticed then that he was once again gripping harder than he meant to, than he should.

He showed no mercy, not this time. He wasn't able to.

Nora was panting, squirming, whimpering, all at once. "If you don't stop I'll—" Her protest died down when he curled his finger just so.

But what she'd been about to say was the plan, anyway. She wasn't the quickest on the uptake sometimes.

"Fuck, you—" And she gave in, came violently on his tongue, no longer trying to get away; her pelvis tilting to maximise the contact. Scratching at his scalp, losing every control of the noises she was making. Fucking exquisite.

He didn't feel like ceasing his caresses, no matter how much she shuddered and twitched. Not when she was mumbling curses and his name between laboured breaths, again and again. So hot. It was worth the wait, his own torment, even though he was shifting restlessly, the friction of the mattress only worsening his agony.

"Please…" Nora tugged at his hair.

Levi gave her a moment's reprieve, lifting his chin and taking in the glorious mess she was. "Please what? Stop? Continue?" He didn't sound nearly as composed as he had meant to, and it didn't fucking matter.

"I don't know," Nora said, half whine, half moan.

"Continue, then."

Soon, she stopped twitching, melting against him once more, as if her taste and scent and feel weren't enough to drive him crazy. Only when he had her right at the edge again, had her begging and begging, did his impatience get the better of him; in a flash, he had her turned on her stomach, and then he was deep inside her.

"Finally," she cried out at the same time he groaned the word into the crook of her neck.

It was a good thing he couldn't see her entire face right now, a purposeful thing. He needed to keep at least some control over his mouth and body. Still, he could hold her close, so close, his front to her back, the swell of her ass against his groin while he moved at a steady pace, as if he could do anything else at the moment.

Pleasure ran hotly through Levi's veins, coiling low in his abdomen, more and more with each thrust. Just a little longer, a little more of this. He slid his hand beneath her, and between her legs. Gasping, Nora lifted her head, pulled him down by the nape of his neck and he let her, of course he let her, and then they were kissing and she was filling him with the scent and taste of her hot breath, and shit now he was chasing that high, their high, couldn't resist. She arched her back, making it so much worse.

The moment he felt her tense, he let go, seeing white even as he buried his face in her neck and mumbled sappy shit against her skin. Lucky him, she couldn't hear the muffled words, not when they were also groaning and panting and shaking. They barely registered even for him, coming from a place in his mind that had no use for conscious thoughts or decisions. Only for truth.

And truth was, he sometimes couldn't give less of a fuck about thinking.

AN: Well. I hope this was a little treat.