Cursed Sword

by Kneenaw

Irisviel could not accept her own end, even corrupted she wishes to return to save her beloved. And so, as Shirou sits waiting to die, he is reborn as the host of a dark miracle, creating cascading effects that would alter the world. This fic spans from the end of the 4th HGW to the 5th. Currently it is starting the direct lead up to the 5th war.

24. Act Two: Daughter of Winter

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I don't own anything related to Fate/stay night; this is a work of parody.

Act Two: Daughter of Winter

---

The black sun keeps us company inside the house, for this was a hollow world built to house all the evils of the world without the pain of reality. But it came to its end as a need was realized.

Someone was missing, and thus the puzzle would ever be incomplete and thus unstable and broken. Irisviel could not live without her here; she would rely on the blackness to fill in the lost pieces... but to no avail, for that blackness is empty of meaning and only demeans herself further.

She was my wife, and I had ro keep her company. But I could not be made to truly love her, nor could I be forced to act happy. And so my misery became her misery, and her misery became everyone else's...

Did it go on for months or days? Perhaps years. They were infinite days that sometimes restarted or repeated. She would act out the same events over and over to the point that they had no meaning anymore. She was broken, and like a tired writer, she ran out of ideas of how to live... for she could not live as a human does, only try to replicate it.

One day it simply came to an end: All it was was a smile, but in a realm of emptiness, a smile is a shining path showing a way out. We took it as a plant snatches the sun's rays, warmth returned to the world. It was the decay of her and the strengthening of us, but she seemed happy.

She never wanted to be in charge, and she didn't want to be looked up to or seen. She just wanted to be there as a participant in our lives. When my spirit returned fully, and I was no longer just a puppet of her plays... I sought her out and spoke the only important thing that mattered.

There was once a wish that I held dear, but that is far gone now. I made a promise more important than that wish could ever amount to. "I made a promise. I must see Ilya..." That was the most important thing.

"Kiri...? Have you returned to me? Then this world really is meeting its decline... If that is your son's decision, then I make the most of it. We must sally forth directly and meet all our woes head-on. All of my troubles can be solved in one act..."

"Then-" You will let us be free? ...If not for me, but for the children, I do not wish for them to be stuck in here with us like this.

"But you are weak, Kiritsugu... your demons have aged you..." She held my cheek. "I can silence their whisper, but if you can not find peace yourself, then they will still defile you. It is your own hate for yourself that turns you inside out."

"..."

She smiled an impish smile and a suggestion she often drew her conversation to, "You know there is a way. A special way for a married couple to give strength to one another, I can give a burst of power! You will feel like you are in your prime again. Like the holy scabbard itself has returned to you." She spread herself on my chest, pressing her large breasts into my firm body. 'They are... definitely larger than I remember.'

I have a duty to do this... I am incredibly weak, "I... will perform. I will... have sex with you." It's the only solution.

"Y-you always make it sound so dry! Forget about duty and your wish, for once! You have a fair maiden throwing herself at you, taker her already!" Her face reddens deeply. Is she... nervous? After all of her tempting, is she really more innocent than she used to be? It had been... quite a long time...

It is in privacy that we come together. That night, in my room, was the time of it. It was not surprising, for she had made some advances before..., but this was the time I would not stop it. It needed to happen if this world would move once more.

This flowing world is in the shape of my room. It is like a living dream: the walls flow like mud, and everything is a little bit more powerful. This is her magic, a boundary field of some sort. The most powerful one I've experienced, and likely one that is simply not meant for this low age of magic. "Then let me give you the strength to do so, and shall you exit this hollow world yourself. You know what comes next, don't you? Only I can heal your battered soul." She was the one who damaged much of it in the first place." Her hands cover my body in light.

"I will accept..."

"Hehe, and you will do more than act, I assure you." she stuck her tongue out. "Once you have the taste of it, you will never be able to forget. Before long, you shall worship me and the ground I walk and beg that I give you a trace of the euphoria you shall now have. You will love me and despair!" She was hyping herself up a bit much. "Kiri..." Her soft hand in my cheek ran a cold shock on my face. She makes me look her in the eyes. "I want you. This is all the power I can give. Do you not want this? Do you wish for me to end it?"

A Demanding Heart (Music) /8g0_TUUyuXs

"...I do not wish that." To wish an end to this dream... From no position is that something I can do. To be a husband to evil: to give it purpose and love and something to do. I may be nothing more than a trophy husband... but... perhaps this is the best outcome.

I take off my clothes without much fanfare, but she is ogling me, and I can't help but feel a little something as her face surprisingly turns bright red. "Well... uh... how should we start?" She said nervously. I did not understand her... I may not be the wisest man ever, but I do recall that this was not the first time that I have been with Irisiviel... This Irisviel may be a different case. She was not a virgin... or... perhaps there was a part of her that made her feel like one.

Her clothing flows down and off smoothly as if held up only by magic in the first place; it flows like a stream and dissipates into the ground. She wore nothing under her black and red dress, giving me a full view of something that would drive a man into madness. She is perfectly crafted: literally. Her beauty and proportions are unmatched among ordinary people. She is an enticing thing that makes me excited; no man could deny her... especially me, a fool who still holds some love for her. This goddess is begging to take her... She is begging me.

"It's been a long time..." The excitement of it pulses in my body; it is not only my parts below swell with the blood but my head as well. I want to cut her apart, tear her limb from limb and devour her. Love and hate coalesce into a single desire to violate. I want her to scream for me, a rape without any trace of love... but I hold that in. That is not me... that only the bad memories. I will not fall into the slavery of my worst desires... never again.

I initiate and push her below me. "It had better!" My kisses run down her neck to my chest. "By the end of this... You'll be stained in my colours... and I'll be stained with yours, ohhh!" I bite her nipple softly. "What... Ohh, is that feeling? This is... so strange...!" I lick around and tease her, seeing she is reacting strongly. The less rough I am, and the more subtle my touches, the more she is writhing below me in pleasure. And... if I become excited and rough, I fear this will become nothing less than rape, so I'm as gentle as I can hold myself to. My fingers lock in place around her hips and keep her from shifting while I tease her, efforts answered by the way her thin belly instinctively tightens beneath the softness of her form, "Hehe, you don't have to be so gentle, you know! Just give in to it!" A nervous laugh... is she actually shy of this?

She was my main partner in life; it is... strange that she does not retain the same level of familiarity as I. The Irisviel of the past actually would respond more when I was rougher... but I think now she would find a slower pace more intoxicating. "Not so bold now, are you...?"

"D-don't, ahh!" I push my mouth onto hers. She is like putty in my hand and gives no real resistance. For such a troubling woman, she becomes quite submissive and convenient as soon as you actually give her some attention.

I move to her ear, "Oh, I see then... then all of this, the tantrums and the magic and the threats to end the world. It's all because you really just want attention, don't you?" It's no different then... This is the exact Irisviel I knew who would get mad at me when I didn't pay attention to her for too long.

Her face whitens like a ghost, "Y-you...!" She is absolutely exposed. I take that moment of weakness, and I insert myself into her. Her vagina is wet, and hot... like a warm mud, and it accepts me readily and without resistance, allowing me to take control. It's tight! And it pushes down on me perfectly to give pleasure; it's also unbearably warm. A healthy and living warmth that feels excessive but still good. "Fucccck!" She squeals. No blood comes out, at least.

I take it slow, easing into her and paying attention to her face, which can hide no emotion. When I reach a spot I see she likes, I drive into at a continuous tempo. I can see a madness rising in her, her will is crumbling. I keep it gentle and make love to her in the best sense I can. It really isn't my style... it used to be that I was like a robot, doing this for no reason but because I had to... But I am older now, and the feeling of love and sex are things I must accept.

It seems she doesn't like this, "Harder than this, destroy me! Dominate me, and leave nothing behind! I give it all to you, but please be wild!" She is afraid of this; I have her weakness now. I take hold of her most weak spots and push ever so softly over and over and over. "Kiri...! Don't be weak: show me your might!"

"...No." I won't give in to you. I won't become your mindless beast: I'll drive you down slowly and methodically. I begin massaging her clit and moving just slow enough to maintain myself while searching for spots I see she is feeling it from. I turn it into a fine and slow torture of pleasure. I push her to her limit and then some.

"Curse you, Emiya Kiritsugu...! Curse you forever for this...! Ahhhhhaaaaa!" I rub her clit and ease her into an orgasm, and her folds tighten hard around me and her back arcs off the ground. It is easier to figure out her orgasm first, before trying to do it right when we must climax at the same time. ...This is not my first mana transfer, and on the battlefield, not all partners are as... refined as she is. Some women will not orgasm no matter what you try, but Iri was always an easy touch. "Damn you... to Hell..." Her voice is withdrawn now, and she is entirely under my spell. I love making her like this, it excites me...

I love her look as she loses control; I just love her ashamed face... I want to break her in the same way she broke me. I want to ruin her and make her suffer... These black feelings claw at me, just she claws on the futon as I bring her to another orgasm. But I don't give in to the wounds.

I will use pleasure rather than pain, for it seems that pain is her comfort and pleasure a weakness to her. I continue even more and drive her to orgasm two more times. Of course, I am beginning to lose myself in this as well. I shouldn't draw this out too long... lest I start to like it too much. "Alright, Iri. I'm going to finish soon." The light in her eyes come back slowly.

"Oh..ohhhh...ohhh... Yesh preashe... I wann it" She slurs like she is ordering a drink. I may have been too hard on her... who knew that someone could be degraded by gentle sex. I push as deeply as I can and start to let myself go, thrusting wildly as she wanted... but she has no power now to make me her mindless beast, and I drive closer and closer to climax. I push her more and more: we kiss, and my hands kneed her breasts harshly. This is the malice she wanted... and in that roughness, her energy returns, and she is in her element of domination and submission. She wraps her legs behind my back and looks at me ravenous; she wants something very badly. "Please...! Impregnate me! Let me be born...!" She squeals out into the night, and to quiet her: I put my tongue into her lips. A strange taste, but not horrible. I push all the way in as far as I can, and I let go, not paying much heed to what she is actually saying.

She scrapes my back as I thrust so quickly that she is being ground into the futon; my mouth only barely contains her moaning. She bites my lip as if marking it as her own, drinking my blood and mixing with her tongue. Our souls come together, and the moment they touch, there is a soft kiss that brings a thick climax deep inside her. I cum inside her, and we hold one another tight as the high continues. We climax at the same time, marking the moment of transfer. Our bodies fold together so tightly that our souls make love, and the massive energy behind seeps into me like a cool liquor. It tickles and feels remarkable, just amazing. Perhaps because it has been years, but it does feel like it is entirely new to me. "Haaah... ha ahh... ahhh..." I caught my breath next to her neck. I had pushed myself to this point. I am old.

The warmth and wetness of the connection sparked between us. It filled me with joy... and dread, and all sorts of other things. It is sex between wife and husband, and thus the circumstances are far more polluted than some couple of lovers. Yet, I feel rejuvenated. She could not heal the hollowness that the curse left in me, but its malignancy could be restricted. And if I held tight enough, I think it may be even enough to fill all that emptiness inside me. Her colours really do enter me then, as my Od is refilled with a degree of her power which is both white and black. It is the warmest and healthiest I have felt in so long it feels like being born again.

She finally comes down from her minute's long orgasm, "...Unnnn... you happy?" She sounds drunk.

"Yes... " My body was so warm, and it just felt right. Like an old nagging wound that finally healed and the loss of that ever-present pain. No... not like that, literally that. My circuit is knitted by her, and as long as the connection persists, I may use it as I could years ago. It is not so bad to feel this once more.

"R-really? Y-you are? ...oh, I'm so glad." We just had sex, but she stutters like a schoolgirl from a compliment. She was familiar more to the violent primal side than to the gentle, loving side. She was different, and yet the same underneath. ...She was more accustomed to the roughness. That was when she was in control. When I was gentle and loving... that was when she was acting like this was her first time. It seems that I have unlocked something not easily closed. "Hehe... promise we can do this again? Pleaseeeee?" She looks like she is in love; she most certainly feels like she is in love as her hands continue to grasp at me.

To call her Irisviel would be the truth. It is her: that is undeniable. But... to call her not Irisviel is also correct. She is more than she was; she is not the same woman that I knew. Yet I am not the man she knew either..., so I don't know what is right and what is wrong. "...Perhaps... When Ilya is safe, we can talk about... other things..." I sleep... a warmth on my chest holds me in comfort. I do... feel comfortable with it, and it loves me. But there have only two things in this life that have made me feel that before... and that is war and Irisviel. I am unsure what I am feeling now.

"So you'll do me a lot? I'll take that as a promise." her self validating words lead me into a sleep which feels like a warm bath.

(Music Stop)

Irisviel, once knowing he slept serenely under her warm embrace, watched him silently, taking in his everything.

Thoughts of how it felt filled her mind with pleasure... but also confusion, fear, worry. She had lost control to him and loved it... but love was something all wrong to her. Rape was her normal, and love was her rape, so to be loved purely was like being raped and violated.

Now that she had achieved such highs of satisfaction, what would appear next to replace it as a goal? Would sex only grow boring with time, or would it become even more enjoyable? She feared that this was the summit, and nothing but decline remained. If nothing remained, then all that remained would be the flame that would ignite the world into destruction.

In all things, it is the beginnings and ends that are interesting. Now that it was the end of the beginning, dread filled her. ...She would do anything to prevent returning to the Hell of eternal flame; there was still a life to see. She would rather be startled than empty. More than anything, she was afraid he did not truly love her... or that she did not truly love him, and that the emptiness was insurmountable. No child would ever grow in her womb again.

Does the love between men and women refer only to the moments when they are in each other's arms? The man who grieves over a love affair broken off before it was fulfilled, who bewails empty vows, who spends long autumn nights alone, who lets his thoughts wander to distant skies, who yearns for the past in a dilapidated house — such a man truly knows what love means.

There was more to life than sex, and there were sentiments that could fill a heart more dependably than that of base pleasure: friendship, love and family. She had not realized these wishes, so there was still more to find... there was more, so she would keep going. She may keep up the illusion of control and supreme power over all... but in reality, she was the greatest slave of all.

---

Into The Sunlight (Music) /xb3UmzOqios

We met outside the house. Numerous bags were packed for this 'vacation', of indeterminate length. We would be gone for as long as it took to bring Ilya home, or we would die in the attempt.

Dad was off procuring a car, and that left us. "I was never one for the sun, Shirou. It burns and burns forever until your skin turns to ash... Do not let the sun consume you, Shirou. Be pale and an indoors type..." This was her first time in the sun since coming back to life. It had rained dark water the day she returned and came to this house, and since then, she dared not leave the hollow insides of the Emiya residence. Within the thin walls of home reside an imaginary world, but as no one had anything to add to it, all it amounted to was zero. If... Ilya was added, and my smile too... that would be enough to spark an everyday life within any boundary, no matter how empty it is.

As for my skin, I already wore the scars on me: the tan gash on my neck had been numb, then it hurt and pulsed and bled... and finally, it healed as a scar. A permanent tan tint, like a birthmark down my neck and mostly hidden under my shirt. "But Mom, what about Dad? Weren't you worried about him leaving you again?" She confided in me at times of her emotions, ones neither of us really understood. Strangely, it was Sakura who had the most success speaking of that sort of thing to her.

"Hahaha, don't worry, Kiritsugu may think of himself as a stealthy man, but I see him bare. He will not run..." Uncertainty ran down her back. "He better not run... maybe I ought to find him, and make sure..." Luckily interrupting her, a distant yell could be heard coming from beyond the gate.

The Tiger of Fuyuki arrived late and breathing heavily. She had probably forgotten about this and remembered at the last minute, thus running here. " Shirou and Mrs. Einzbern...! I'm here, am I on time! I ran really fast!"

Mom did not acknowledge her at all, leaving only me to act directly: "Fuji-nee, did you forget again?"

"Again!? When have I ever forgotten something, Shirou? Never. Do not lie!" Fuji-nee thrust her finger out accusatory... this was her recent attempt to be what is known as 'tsundere', a new attempt at attracting other humans. It hasn't worked at much past making people see her absurder than normal. The day Fuji-nee realizes she can't actually change who she is, and that no one will fall in love with an illusion is the day that maybe she'll have her turn.

There was one person who did not know how quite to take it... and that person stood beside me. "Do not thrust your finger at my boy; you deranged cat! Now tell me, have you made your preparations? Are you even ready to take care of the little ones while we are away?"

Taiga and Mom were... in a battle of sorts, "I am... But... is it really alright to leave on vacation when Sakura and Rin are all alone... you are their guardian now, right?" It was actually Fuji-nee, who was the only connection to the outside world all these old months that had organized the guardianship of Rin and Sakura and technically Shinji as well to fall under the Emiya family. Raiga, the old man... he could do anything in this town really. It's better they come here than be left completely alone now that their previous guardians are gone.

"If they can not live even a week without us, then you and them should just die. Do not question your masters, little kitten. If you are strong, then nothing bad will happen. Are you a strong cat, little tigress?"

Even being called tiger mockingly, Fuji-nee clenched her teeth and accepted it. "Yes... Mrs. Einzbern ..." Fuji-nee's symbolic tail retreats under legs. She is somewhat house trained now.

She had already been through the crucible of Mom's hate quite a lot and knew how to behave. It had been quite severe at first... They had fought each other for hours. She just didn't die, and Mom had to accept her existence. It... was troubling, but all in good fun, I think. Fuji-nee was the sort to somehow survive in the luckiest way possible no matter what, and thus was Mom's only direct conflict. No matter what Mom did, Taiga would walk away tired but unharmed. Of course, many times, it was left to me to save her, but even if I was not there, I think Fuji-nee would have lived somehow.

In the end, Taiga won, I guess. Mom let go of her hate and just started treating Fuji-nee as if she were literally a cat: a cat that Mom still doesn't like, but tolerates and holds maybe some sparse fondness for.

"Hmph, it's Mrs. Emiya to you..." Mom tried to fix her inability to call her Mrs. Emiya, but it never worked. I think Taiga just likes to say Einzber because it's foreign. But Mom thinks it's because she doesn't accept the marriage between Mom and Dad. "Now, be sure to be good while we are gone. I won't be happy if you ruin the place." Mom dropped the keys in the hands of Fuji-nee.

"Of course, Mrs. Einzbern, I'll be good!" Fuji-nee responded well to any trace of positive feelings from Mom.

"Hehe, you can be a good little pet once in a while..." Mom patted her head, not looking at her like she was human at all. Jealousy was certainly still there, but it was the same jealousy that a wife would feel if a husband was paying too much attention to their pet. Mom didn't let Fuji-nee stay for dinner all the time, but that was better than the alternative of Fuji-nee being served as dinner. A mandatory session of mania ensued. "...When you are not around with Kiri, that is. But I think that he will not be looking at you again, hehe. He knows a real woman now; no longer will a strumpet like you be in his mind. Hehehehe!"

I did have some... strange dreams last night. "I don't know what you are talking about, but I'm glad you're happy." Taiga started eating an apple loudly in front of us and let words flow off her without effect.

"Hmph... Damn you! What would you know? Off with you mongrel, return to the fifth you come from!" A thunderous curse echoes into nothing. ...We are outside now, this is not the hollow world in which her power reaches towards infinity. Of course, she is strong out here... but I am her battery. I must actively keep her existence, and I... can also pause her power if needed.

In an imaginary place, she does not require that, for all power equals zero there anyway. It was required emptiness, for it was the only environment in which Mom could survive. Only Fuji-nee ever seemed to have the strength to come and go, oblivious as she was. The overwhelming pressure of the air did nothing to her that I could see.

I may have been immune to it, but being alone in normality while surrounded by the lost makes you lost too... But it shouldn't matter anymore. That hollow world is cracked now, and reality is leaking in: another solution must be found to keep Mom's body from falling apart. She will disappear, if not for some other way, but the hollow world is not one I wish to live in any further. ...I did not know what to do. Mom says saving Onee-chan will fix everything. It makes sense, for it has been the only goal of worth left for us. From the very beginning, this was all that mattered.

It was selfish that we waited even this long to do this... Ilyasviel Von Einzbern... What is she like, truly? I have seen her in my dreams once before. What will I say to her? I did not know, but all that matters is that she is saved. More than anyone, it is right that I would save her. I could not accept a world in which she is not saved.

Taiga breaks my scattered thoughts by stretching right up to me. "Alright, sorry..." Taiga whispered, "Sometimes I think your Mom doesn't like me, Shirou."

"She... just has trouble making friends... She is, err, bad at saying how she really feels." I lie. Iri tells her real feelings, but they are a tad slanted into darkness.

"Bad at... telling feelings...? Like a tsundere!? She is a tsundere. Could she teach me too? But... that means that she likes... me?"

...I cover my face. "...Hah..." I sigh. She gets from all this that Mom likes her? I wonder which mind would break one's sanity faster, her's or Mom's.

"That is enough! What are you whispering to him, trickster? Do you attempt to turn my Shirou against me? Fool! For you can not turn a child against their mother with but words!"

"Hah..." I sigh. This was a big waste of time! I am tired of argumentation being the only real thing I see! "Enough, Mom. You wouldn't want to look bad in front of Kiritsugu, would you? And Taiga, I think you need to check the shed... I heard there was a thief there."

"Thief!? Worry not; I will beat them into forgiveness!" Taiga ran off. Taiga was not stupid, just outrageous: she knew instinctually when to fly away.

For Mom, it was similar. The power of love is great to move her so quickly. "Of course... thank you, Son. I know not what possessed me there. It's just a cat, in the end, nothing to be so worked up over." The door behind slipped open, and two people came outside. They came into reality for the first time in a long time.

Rin and Sakura are there too. "Shirou..." With a curt gasp of air, the raven-haired girl I call friend joins me.

"Tohsaka? ...Are you, uh, okay?" To be out into the day again, it took a little accustoming.

"Okay is not the word I'd use, Emiya-kun." She crossed her arms. "I feel like I had just entered this place days ago... now I am here, months later, and..." Pain coursed through her. It was not physical pain. It was the memory that now plagued her, and the curse of knowledge. She swallowed her tears.

"You must hate me now..."

"I don't hate you, Emiya-kun..." She bites her lip. "...I do not hate you. But... if you don't come back, then I'll find and kill you...You will take responsibility for this!" She was angry: furious, and she had hate in her... but she didn't hate me? It didn't make sense. But I'll take it. If she would let me help her, and would make me pay for this, then that was a good thing... Still, I had given her a part of my future. I was her servant until the time she forsakes the contract that was written. The thought of that makes me feel actual genuine fear which is something I had thought to have stowed away. What a mess this all is... Giving away a part of myself to make someone else feel better, however small, is worth it.

"I will return, Rin... I promise. Everything should be fixed with this... I won't just leave you." My fists tighen.

"You better..." she mumbled. Her face had an old pink tint, something that I used to see months ago, back before all this strangeness that I caused. I was happy she was thawing and was nearly entirely back to normal. "I hate to say it, but you might be the only sane person left in this town." She ignored Sakura behind her.

If she can forget the numbness of being in an imaginary world for a few months, and she will be as real as she was. I did not doubt her strength.

Rin and I looked to Sakura next. It is natural to turn to the one who had not spoken when the other two run out of what to say. So much remained unspoken between Rin and me, but there was time...

Sakura never got to speak much and was commonly neglected. Ever since Shinji left to go to boarding school in Russia, there has not been many places for her. Mother ignores her; Dad ignores her, even Tohsaka ignores her. Only I watch her, and Taiga too when she is allowed inside.

Right as the trembling and unbelievably nervous Sakura was about to speak up, Mom returned almost too conveniently, "Oh, If it is not the three children together? Is it good to breathe the air of Gaia once more? It tastes only of ash to me. The decision has been made that all bondage be severed, I curse you with the reward of freedom."

"Yes, thank you..." Rin bit her tongue, biting down anything more. Rin hated her; Rin should hate me instead, but it is easy to be confused.

Mom smirked and giggled softly at her. "Now, now Rin. Do not stress yourself in hiding your emotions lest you let your anger eat you alive. Hihihi, such a troubling little child." Mom's hands rested on top of Rin's head.

Rin's entire visage turned red in anger, this was the red devil that existed in Rin. She had a demon inside her, just like I do, just as all humans who suffer do... She pushes the hand away. "You... kept me here under a spell, you showed me... things..." Rin swallowed her emotions and killed time off. She had enough to time to heal now to not fall apart as she used to. "...And worst of all, you didn't even teach me anything of worth. You have wasted my potential! You won't teach me, and I can't learn anything if you won't let me cast magic!"

Mom pouted like a disappointed mom would, with her hand on her hips, "Come now, child of Tohsaka. I have been a gracious host to you as your guardian is no longer available. We discussed this already: it's not right to teach magic to you when I have a child who I can do the same for. And I taught you plenty instead..." She tapped her chin. "like that romantic advice class I gave you?" She grinned.

Rin had a different, softer, red come to her face. 'Romantic advise?' That's the first I'd heard of that. "Why wasn't I allowed in that class, Mom?" I asked innocently.

She rubbed both my and Rin's hair deep at the same time while staring at Sakura teasingly. "It's a quick class for those who know love, Shirou. Whenever that time comes for you, there will no longer be a need for me anyway."

"Oh, okay..." Sakura and Rin both know love...? I am so far behind in this. No... what am I thinking? The day I love is the day that all the good in my life passes on.

"But I digress, Rin. You wish to learn magic and become a real magus, do you not? You wish to be strong enough to avenge your father and mother, and bring true power to that name of yours? I can give you that. I can fill your heart with power beyond your imagination... all I ask is that you be a good little good girl and be patient." She pinched Rin's cheek.

Tohsaka had no way out but to take it. "...You better keep that promise then."

She turned to the purple-haired girl, "As for you, Sakura... What do you want?"

"Me...?"

"Yes, you. You know that sometimes it is the troublesome child who is the most lovable.

Sakura looked down. "Can I... stay here?" She was not a slave anymore, but freedom had its own difficulties... She had no one but me and the impulses of Irisviel. Tohsaka didn't pay so much attention to her, even as there was some sort of... connection between them that I couldn't quite fit entirely. Even under oppression, they took to living together with a naturalness that impressed me. It took me a long time to move on to this new life.

"Of course, you liked it inside, don't you? You enjoyed the hollowness, for everyone was finally on the same level as you. We are the same then... Be comfortable, but know staying in an imaginary world too long just leaves you with even less than you started with." She rubbed her hair, and turned with the wind. She wore the same ordinary black seamless dress even in the winter. However, I did not know how she felt cold, or warmth, if at all.

I waved back at Taiga.

Taiga waved back energetically, Rin crossed her arms and stared angrily, and Sakura made a single wave that she stopped quickly, thinking that nobody would care anyway. I cared, Sakura, and I waved at her.

We would win and be back. It sounds simple in my head.

For the second time in a year, I was off to Europe.

We left home. Just like last time to London, but... this time bringing the most lethal, destructive and dangerous cargo known to men. She went by the name of Irisviel Von Einzbern, and she was my adoptive mother. Though I did not make that distinction anymore, she was the only woman who remained now when I affiliated 'Mom' to someone.

Dad drove, despite Irisviel begging him on her knees without a trace of pride to let her drive. He told her she would either sit in the back or be in the trunk, and so she took the back with me. I think it was right not to let her drive; I had a dreadful premonition of what could occur with that...

Mom took my hand in the car, sensing my trouble but not knowing its source. "Do not worry. Kiri is a good driver. No man shall harry us, for they have no power over me. Neither the Blue nor the Kaleidoscope can see me, for I exist even out of their sight, and Gaia and Alaya will not trouble me as long as don't trouble them. There is nothing in my way now, hehe.." She laughed like a villain.

"I have no idea what you are saying, Mom..."

"I'm just telling saying: don't think some remarkable hero will appear and ruin this for me is all. This story has enough heroes in it already." ...Dad is a hero, and me? I'm still working on that. I don't think she needs to worry; we will save Onee-san because we must. There is no acceptable alternative but everyone being happy.

The car ride went well... Mom would call out every monument and make some remark. The whole world interested her like she was a kid. ...She could be almost... childish sometimes, to the point that it almost feels like a different person, and the mood brightens. She can smile a true smile then, and only then. Dad was almost happy in those moments...

But it ends, because the car ride end, and the airport was full of humans. Dad snuck us through a crack in the back just to make it past security and all that, but still... Mother had to be around a lot of people. It took my entire soul to keep her from turning into a butcher, slaughtering all and tasting their blood. It took us both to pull her forward. Eventually, we made it to the plane. Dad had paid for the entire first-class of some jet and had smuggled all sorts of weapons along.

I still had no actual idea what he did for a living.

The plane ride was... troubling to say the least. The objective was to make it to Germany without being noticed. The outside world would have been troubled by the news of missing people in Fuyuki, but they reappeared not long after they left. Mom... had wished to create an illusion of death and destruction to make Dad more... accepting of her. Of course, back then she would have killed them all if I had not woken to stop her. So she hid them away, then brought them back when they served their purpose.

There were other humans near, but out of sight. Not even the flight attendants dared to enter a place that would guarantee their doom. ...Why she could handle us, and not them I did not know. Two hours into the flight, Mom became bored. That was not good: "Kiri, I wanna... I wanna do it... please..." She woke Dad up. "I can't hold it anymore... please my husband..." she started sounding... thirsty? Does she need to drink something? "Wake up...Kiri..." She shook him.

"Iri..." Kiritsugu was looking for a solution fast. "Please don't do this... wait until we are-"

Once a tantrum starts, it's very hard to stop. "No, I want to do it now; I want to eat them all while we do it, hehe, think about it... I know you want as much as I do. Pleeeease?"

"I-I, we... wait, please Iri... just wait until we land... and-"

"But you promised!"

"I never..." He gave up on arguing rapidly. "Hah, yes, I promised, but how about letting me choose when... right?"

She pouted and wanted confirmation, "You promise that you'll have fun with me soon?"

A deep sigh, for there was no other option. "Hah, Yes. I promise..."

Mom instantly stopped sweating and looked normal in a moment. "Hehe, I will hold you to that, my love. I'm already feeling excited... I can imagine it now, an orgy of all the things I love most. Murder, humans, and Kiritsugu." A lovestruck face with heart in her eyes as she essentially sat on Dad in his little chair.

This sort of... open desire from Mom towards Dad was now a normal sight for me. As I did not know love, I could not judge her for being open about it... Still, my face and hands never ceased to become a tinge of red.

..."Iri..." He moved her back forcefully. "Please... have mercy... just for now."

"Pfff, you are no fun! Why do you get to destroy airplanes, but I can't?"

Dad held his chair tight. His eyes were glassy. "...I want a divorce." A shock ran down my back.

I didn't let her hear it, "Sorry, honey, what was that?"

"...Nevermind." Dad's grim look continued into the dark outside.

"Oh, I see... I love you too, Kiri." She was back asleep on his shoulder. I keep the balance between life and death at my own expense.

I was awake for the next fifteen hours straight, pushing my willpower to the limit keeping her stable. Every human she saw, she desperately wanted to murder, and I, in turn, felt fire across my skin. The thing that binds us together was writhing to kill: so I took all of it; I couldn't let Mom or Dad be hurt before they did this critical thing. Black serpents moved under my skin; It was all I could do to force her asleep.

The next thing I remember, we are already in a forest hiking up white hills.

---

Wacccingggggg

A strange sound echoes through the air as we reach the point of no return. It is like the sound of lightning but a little more metallic. It is meant to fry us, but it tangs off of a wall before it makes it.

A blast of electrical feedback that would blow away an elephant came but harmlessly disintegrated into a black mud that was the death of magic. This was the boundary field of the woods... we had to walk a long time to even make it here. It took Mom to tell us how to see the path.

We had a long rest yesterday, and I sent a letter of some thanks and appreciation to Luvia... I poured some of my doubt in that, then threw it away in a mailbox and forgot about it.

Today it took until near night before we made it to this point... these 'spies' Dad would warn us about never showed up, really. But they must know we are here now. It started snowing about an hour ago... Mom says that it is not a coincidence and that the Von Einzbern can even control the weather here. ...All of the old teachings about the evil of magic comes back to me, and I remember that the power of a genuine magus makes me look like a baby.

The example is right here... a lightning bolt that would fry anything that would intrude here, but Mom beats it with her own power. It dissipates into the blackness that swallows magic.

The lightning continues but eventually fades out and is swallowed by the black mud Mom held out like a shield. Yet it wasn't harmless to us, or me at least... Every magic used by Mom drained onto me as well; I was the conduit to her existence, and so her struggle fed back into me. It wasn't so bad, though. Mom was helping me with power from some other place that did most of the work, so I have no excuse to complain. I printed to be fine, and that was easy to do.

"Impressed?" Mom smirked, turning to Kiritsugu.

"...It's farther than I ever made it. I never even found the path..."

"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. It should be impossible to find but to the most impressive and great magus... like me. Hehe-"

But he put his hand on her mouth to stop her cackling. He put his finger to his lips, demanding silence. Dad kept his eyes peeled into the white forest. "Stay quiet, Iri." Dad's authoritative whisper left no room for debate. He was on edge, and she was amused.

"Hmph...! Fine." She pouted softly. I was ignored as I shadowed them in the snow. They silently moved in a way that kept me between them, protecting me from harm.

All the winds died down, and even the snow started to grow slow. Into the forest was our objective... but how much was between there and here was probably a lot... Do they not have defences?

Extremely loud screeching is my answer to that.

"Acckkkkkkk!" A sharp shriek broke the air as the wind blew all at once at us. It was a banshee's call as the trees themselves turned on us. It was literally a banshee, a spirit caught and stuck to the land to keep people out. It flew at us then dispersed as a black mud swallowed it and all other evil spirits that came too. They were attracted to us like sugar, but they stuck to Mom's mud like a fly trap.

"Hmph, pathetic." Mom said, like swatting a fly. "A weak human spirit tied to protect the mansion will have no effect on me... luckily we never put any real spirits of the Earth here; that's not really something we thought was needed."

"Yes, I recall that..." They discuss coldly and calculated. On the subject of murder, they both seemed to take it seriously. "There are also traps and hunters in this forest, and paths that lead to certain doom... I have a solution to all that." Out of Father's duffle bag, he takes out a long cylinder and starts to put together something fast. He ignores the ghosts as Mom removes them without much effort. These were weak spirits... but there were so many of them. They would come and be devoured. Mom was bored, though, because these were already dead...

Full completing his set-up, the long cylinder becomes a rifle, and he attaches a big scope on top of it. The snow makes it hard to see far, but he looks and points to the left. "We haven't even reached the lookout point yet. They will try to reach us before we make it there. We will run quickly north and make an arch around straight towards the main gate."

But Mom was already tiring, and it was my energy she was using. There was no way we could follow him.

Using her power was draining on me; I felt like a weight was growing on top of me. "I... can not fight, my love. The other homunculi... I will leave them to you, husband. I am not much a fighter, after all. My energy here is... minimal. I can do great magic... but not for very long." There was both a field of draining on all of us and the fact the world too would not accept Mom as she was now without an amount of energy I could not give. I was running my circuits at nearly full power just to keep her in existence. I was the conduit to her, and she was to Dad. "I must find father; I can deal with him..."

"Your... father? You mean Jubstacheit?" This was the first we heard of this...

"Yes... I will confront myself. Do not worry about me, but... we can not follow your path. You must do it alone."

It's a big line of power that could fall apart at a single break. None of us can be lost, lest it all breaks. I power Mom, and she powers Dad, so it's best that we take no damage anywhere.

But Dad had an ominous look on now, "Yes, I agree." Dad had a grim face, but there was also a... happiness? or maybe comfort? He seemed almost excited to the prospect of being alone here with enemies all over looking for him. "Stay behind me... I will protect you until we part ways." Dad was obviously not happy with this arrangement that had us here with him, but Mom had to be near him to keep the energy connection.

For a time, we stay together, but that ends with a scattering boom into the night. Dad moves with an outrageous speed. And he aims his long gun fast into the dark snow.

Boom!

It discharges without warning, and my ears turn stupid. All I hear is ringing as his rifle fires again and again and again, turning the night into a show of. I stand there frozen as my body feels the vibrations and my eye pulse from the light.

But... what is he firing at? I reinforce my eyes and see it: there are people out there... in the trees and hiding and waiting. They are as white as snow, and I can not feel emotions from them. Not feeling like a person would know it, at least. How Dad knew, I don't know... he just could tell.

I drop on the white ground, I am wearing a winter coat, so I don't freeze. I can see only a little, Arrows fly by in the air, and Dad dodges behind the trees, sifting in and out and reloading. He has a rifle and pistol, both firing rapidly at his will.

They have bows and arrows for some weird reason, and strange birds made of string watch in the sky. The blue string that forms into things of magic.

Mom reaches up, and the birds all disperse. Their string unravels and falls to her hand. She runs her hand in a circle like a tornado, and the string fires into the night like a scythe, cutting everything cleanly. Even the trees fall to it... This is Alchemy, I realize. She has shown me before. They are like babies in front of her magic, but as she continues to draw from my energy, my chest starts to burn even as I am covered in snow.

Deep Slumber (Music) /bqWDDNFVn48

By this point my I'm just hiding inside myself, holding my ears so right I am crushing them. I don't hear so much as I can feel the earth vibrate as bullets ring into the night. Trees fall, and magic explodes, the spirits return and scream so loud my soul can hear them even as my ears can't... I am a kid... This is... a battlefield, and I can't do anything but hide.

But inside myself, only an everlasting burning can be found, and I return to the conflagration of my dreams. I am not here, I am back in the fire. My heart races as I am burned alive, as people beg me to help them, and I betrayed my promise to wait just outside the house. ...What would have happened if I had not betrayed that? I would have burned, but I at least would have stayed good. That was my sin. I run, run, keep running. But where I ended up was the core of it all, and I was embraced by evil and saved. All those people died, and I alone was born.

Even when the noises up above stop, I will still burn inside.

I am pulled up by strong arms after a while. I realize I have tears down my face, and I've done nothing but be pathetic while they fought. Dad steadies me up. "Sorry, Shirou. They had set an ambush, and I could not warn you to cover your ears." His voice is easy but far away. I nod, not really understanding, but I trust him no matter what. He is wearing earplugs, but it seems like they just sort of forget about the fact that I have ears too. It's fine... I won't complain about being hurt because then I would just be a complainer my whole life.

How can he have such an easy voice now, when he killed people? When did all turn to Hell? '...Because a hero does not break down when bad things happen, he rises up and challenges them without breaking.' It is that simple. Why am I weak, and he is strong? ...I just need more time. If I had time, then I could become like that.

A calm spell occurs as they retreat back; bodies lay on the ground, broken and destroyed. Some of them move but back and forth like broken machines. Mom kicks them until they go quiet. It's all so fast... how one can go from having peace left in their heart to... this. It is war now, and all will die who oppose us. The promises and warnings of what that meant hadn't hit me until now. This is Hell I am walking into. That only leaves me with the question of: will I be able to leave it?

We decide to break apart now because Mom and I can't handle fights like that over and over. Dad goes off to take them on directly while we stay slower and more stealthy. Mom can hide our presence in the shadow... but without a bright light, in contrast, the dark shadow would stand out alone.

Dad turns his back to me, he is smoking as the snow falls. His signature grey coat on, with an arrow that stuck itself into his vest. It had hit him with incredible power, but it was not enough to pierce through the armour Mom had made for him, that doesn't mean it didn't bruise him underneath, though. His eyes are filled with a sense of excitement.

This is him. This is Emiya Kiritsugu, I realize. The one that exists below all of the illusions and sentiments. He is a beast meant for killing. "I will find Ilya. That is my only goal here... stay behind me, and cover my back because I won't turn around." He ran off into the night.

"Dad..." I wouldn't say I liked this feeling: it was like he left with no intention of returning. I had no power to stop him, and Mom did not try to dissuade him.

"Hehe, do not worry, my son. Emiya Kiritsugu will not die from battle, for there is no one in all the world who could best him but himself. If he were to fall, it would be because he allows it." She smiled confidently and made me believe her definitely.

We followed the sounds of death and destruction slowly. We were tired, and it fell more on me to puss both of us forwards. Explosions starts frightening the night. We were about 800 meters behind Dad now. We walked for a long time; Mom walked slowly and deliberately to conserve energy. We let our guard down, but that was a mistake. An arrow flew right at the heart of Irisviel, but it deflected off and onto a tree. I felt the pain of it echo off me, it may not have been enough to penetrate through her skin that had the density of steel, but it certainly hurt!

That was just the first shot. A flurry of arrows with the fire of alchemy infused into them came right at both of us! I pushed her to the ground and into the growing snow. The tree would not help us, nor the snow for too long.

For about six seconds, we could be safe, and she used that time to smile and speak to me like a mother instructing a son. She was calm and in her element here, smiling wickedly. "Shirou... this is you, enemy. They hate you, and they are in your way: Kill them." And those words unlocked something in me that broke down my empathy. This was just a doll, and I would remove them as a hero removes villains. Enough hiding in the snow! Not as Dad must be fighting so many of these people by himself, and I only have one to deal with? Kill.

"En-em-y?" A hero has villains. To kill them is to do good. To destroy without mercy or reason is to be a hero. "Trace on." He attacked Mommy, he would die for that. Twisted knives come to my hands, the same ones that sliced the worms of Matou and freed Sakura. Now I will use them to free Ilya. They are hollow in all accounts, for they hold no history. They were never made... just the thought of by a boy who concluded they reflected an inner edge. They were curses made manifest as weapons, and they did more to spread pain than to kill.

I did not like them, but they were strong. Even though I could see them as the strongest things, I had in my head... I had a feeling there were much greater things in the world. I could just tell that was the case without even having seen many blades in my life.

I fall into shadow and search. He is out here, firing arrows and hitting the trees as Mom effortlessly dodges to take his attention away. She could kill him easily... but she needs to conserve her energy. I see his white skin. I can smell his metallic blood. The thought of seeing his face as it dies to make me feel something strange in my stomach, happiness or amusement. "Haha..." He turns towards me fast, but not fast enough. I throw the jagged blade like an axe: I throw it with a reinforced body, and it flashes in the air so fast that it cuts all in its path without mercy until it lodges into his neck. "Ahhh!" It cuts into him, causing as much pain as possible to his body... but Mom said Homonculi feel pain differently and will become more numb over time, so I need to end it now!

There is no distinction between my hands and steel; I may as well have claws.

I fall instantly behind him and behead him, so he will no longer fight back or feel pain. He could have overpowered me if I didn't come from the darkness like that. People who are fearful of shadows will not see the monsters that await there because they do not want to. My hands don't want to stop, and my eyes want to see more red. I don't stop there! He attacked Mom, so I stabbed him again! I cut him into pieces brutally and without a sense of any mercy. I pulled it apart until there was nothing left at all. His body fell apart oddly, as it was built like a machine with different parts and lines. I want to see more of how it was made, and I continue to cut until I see all the manufacturing processes.

'Ahhh!' And when I look to my hands, I swear they are nothing but a black shadow in the shape of a claw... but it's just a trick of the night. My hands are full of his blood, which feels strange in my hands, and it is not normal blood... more like a liquid metal than anything.

"Hah...Hah..." I catch my breath. 'I feel horrible.' I killed like it was nothing, and it left me cold and distant. I didn't even view him and me as the same. 'He was a living thing, and I-'

Mom's laugh interrupts my shock. "Hahaha!" She chuckled deeply from her stomach. "What a kill! But... there is one thing I did dislike." She clapped.

"What is it?"

"You have a charming smile when you kill, Shirou. But... it is a little too familiar for my taste."

Smile... I was smiling...? "I didn't know... that..." I feel my lips, but they are just cracked dry. No smile... I had not even known it was there. "Familiar... to what?"

"It's the same your father had earlier." Her cold stare cits into me; there is little humour in her at the moment.

"Dad... has the same smile? Really?" I was excited by that more than anything. To think that I had become so close to him without seeing it, I am on the right path after all then! "...Thank you." A tremendous relief enters me.

But she stared disappointed at me, "To think you continue to cling to that intention even now! ...But we do not have time to speak of this now, Shirou.

Later, I promise... we will have a lengthy intervention on this fantasy of yours and where it will lead you." She still held her stomach, and we continued on until light started to come into view. It was... a huge wall.

Midnight Loophole (Music) /GwEVCx7OtTo

Mom held my hand and walked boldly to the wall. Her hands uncovered a script woven into a hidden place and spoke ro it, "Erinnere dich an deinen Meister!" It shifted and opened a small unseen door.

What awaited inside was something incredible: a proper winter castle. As immense as the Tower of London was and expanding in all directions. "...It's big, wow... this is- was your house? It's amazing..."

"Yes, but it is cold. One who does not know the world does not know the warmth a place needs, and white is taken without thought." Mom's skin and melted with the landscape. I have hair like that too! A little a least...

My white hair was not as pretty as her's; it was a lot messier.

"Stay by my side. They will not realize I am here, for I will blend into them for a time. Don't let Kiri's work be in vain, lest you want to be cut apart." Being cut apart was not my favourite thing ever. Even if before it was all just imaginary, it still hurt. I imagine being stabbed in reality is even worse.

Boom!

An explosion rang in the distance, and the wind roared. It started to snow heavily; under that snow, we made it to the wall. This was a truly massive place, big enough that the explosion that signified Dad's attack at the main felt far off. The windows cracked.

Boom!

The second explosion was louder than the first and was closed. A light fired through the air and burnt the air and the front entrance. ...The place was sturdy, but with each explosion, more fell apart even where we were.

Mom stops me as we enter a back door that seems to contact to some sort of kitchen. Voices are heard. There is little emotion in their tone.

"Is the Ojou-sama safe?"

"Yes... all of us have taken position between her and the entrance. She will be safe."

"...It is a lost cause, my sister... there is no point anymore."

"What are you saying, my sister...?

"We are not fighters. Among us all, only a few can do more than be servants. Let us leave, fly into the snow and never return... we could live a real-life like some of us have."

A long silence.

"...No. It is our duty to safeguard her at all costs. We are failures, and she is the success. Our lives mean nothing next to her. Do not think we can live lives like humans; we are disposable."

"... Of course, then I will follow." Some resignation to fate... my heart understands now that Homunculi were not... mindless.

They spoke with a neutral tone, but their words and thoughts were... human. They had felt that my eyes had a peculiar sensation about, for they were human creations and thus could be said to be the closest to a human as possible while being other.

As they turn to leave brandishing only kitchen knives, Mom slips through the door without a sound and kills them hastily by smashing their heads to bits. She did so with her hands, which held the blue threads from before and made her punches as intense as steel. It was not reinforcement, for it was more like adding strength that was not there before rather than enhancing the strength that was already present. "Do not weep for them, Shirou. Humans are bodies with souls while homunculi are souls with a body, they live short lives, and are thrown away without care... this is my mercy." But it sounded a little hollow as she licked the blood off her fingers with a joyous expression. "Want some? It's good for the soul."

"No, thank you... I know we must kill them, but... that doesn't mean I like it. I wish we could just get along."

"Yes, son of mine. We all wish that we could live together in harmony, but when the time and opportunities come for us to share the burden, you will only find people kicking each other down so they will not fall."

"..." I still didn't like it!

She took my hand and strides into the hall; enough time passed that they must all be at the main entrance. Gunshots and broken glass continue to ring out.

'Dad...' How many enemies does he face all alone? How many has he already killed? How can Mom still hold her unwavering smile and faith in him when all I feel is dread?

He is alive, as had is incredibly loud... but how is he just doing this? It was beyond comprehension.

She leads into a room far off and deep into the halls. Inside lays a pool, and bodies fill it. Then her hand turns weak, and her illusions fade into nothingness. She has no strength left, and the blue string of alchemy falls to the ground, no longer holding her body together.

"Mom!?" Mom holds her stomach and starts to double over in pain... I hadn't noticed until it was too late, and something leaks out, and she loses control. That arrow had damaged her already weak state even more. White light pulses, and the blackness that stains Mom's dress retreats for the moment as a different side of Mom stands out here. She looks... radiant and holy, a shining light in the darkness. "Mom...? Are you okay?" I ask hesitantly, pulling at her sleeve.

"No... I am not." She steadies herself and clears her throat, "Ahem, Grandfather... or my son, has lived a long life. Too long. A machine can only run until it is obsolete, and that time has now come. If Kiritsugu is to save Ilyasviel by the death of all the Einzbern here, then I too must make my motion to correct things for the future."

"Mom?" Her eyes were a different sort of red, more bright yet old; she paid no attention to me. She was talking strangely, but that wasn't unusual for her.

"...I will put him to rest. He has become a broken automaton and no longer serves the proper purpose of the Von Einzbern. I will end both him and me. I, too, have been compromised... It is time for me to leave this world behind."

"What? Mom, no! You can't do that!" How can you think of sacrificing yourself for no reason!

She finally recognizes me and regards me with a friendly smile, "No, Shirou. Your mother will be fine. She is a fine heir of mine to be so strong to reach back to the world from the other side, even in the state that we have become. She will take my place with a strength I never had." Her tone was very gentle, and she moved her fingers across my face with compassion.

"Huh? What do you mean...?"

She curtsies to me, and introduces herself, "I am Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern, and it is good to meet you. Perhaps we have met once before, but I do not recall. And you... I guess you are my great-grandchild." She gave me a kindly and aged smile. More regal and entirely unlike the erroneous smile of Mom. This was not her, but she did have some similarities to the kind Irisviel that sometimes existed in times of peace.

"But it is unfortunate we must meet then depart so quickly, but I must not tarry here. With my death, the corruption will lose itself... This dream is not yet over..." She smiled. "There is still hope for a real miracle, Shirou."

"I'm sorry... I don't understand."

"You are only a child; it is fine not to... Magi are so keen to throw their youth away that they never know that much of what they truly desired would have been found there. I empathize with what you are committing to, Shirou. I made the same decision in my youth for my dream... It is the path of selfless sacrifice, and it leads to... ash and destruction. My boy... allow me a last intervention to aid you." Her hands gleam with a white power that draws much from me, and I draw from the power of a place outside the world that holds infinite potential. She looks around and finds it. From the pool, three bare dolls levitate into the air and on the ground. "The final creations — failures to create me once more. I see... I shall bless them with my gift in this final act then. Know that I adored life and only wished to make it prosper. Let me give you this final gift in hopes that you can find some use in it."

The three lifeless dolls came under a light that rivals the sun's in virtue. It was the light of a pure soul... she gave them the power to hold a true soul inside their shells. "I know your face, Shirou. I lived with it too for so long... Do not think I do not care... For I have seen the same mountain, and the same Hell, and the same eternal fire. I do this because I wish to help you, not because of hate." She looked at me, or perhaps behind me, with a look of pity.

It made me annoyed. I am me and nobody else. She should not make me into some other person: I am Emiya Shirou, whatever else is unimportant. I wanted to understand what she meant about all this... but there really was no time.

But then the door opened, and someone came inside.

Into the room, a tall old man came quickly. The man was injured; he found himself here in the pools of failures. He must have been pulled here feeling some need to come. His power was flickering, and the body was losing its energy.

Why he had come to the dumping ground where homunculi are thrown into is unknown, but this woman would have just known that he would come, I think.

Justeaze awaited him, "Justeaze...? Mother?" The old man that had not felt something in a very long time, or perhaps ever, opened his eyes wide and did feel a thankfulness. For the presence of her now was an unexpected miracle that he had been made to realize. He could rest then, just like a computer working to its limit for so long would perhaps enjoy some rest knowing it has solved its problem.

She took his face in her hands and smiled at him with pride and...love? Yet my eyes could not discern love, and it was just a guess.

She spoke to him with a mother's smile, though it felt like they had never really met. "My son... This is the end of your duty, but it is best this way, just as Zouken fell we did likewise. A new generation, who still holds a pure wish in their hearts: that is more potent than this two thousand year yearning for Heaven; I still have faith in miracles." She looks to me, and a pleasant sereness washes over me for once, as I think she really does look like an angel... I am calm even as part of my mind demands death." So to you, Shirou, you are the heir of this revelation. You and Ilyasviel can make it true; goodbye, great-grandson of mine. This dream is not for the old to see." Her hand emitted a pure white light encompassing their bodies, and both she and the old man's eyes faded into darkness. I felt it, the passing of great souls into the air and away from the world irrevocably.

I alone witnessed it, just like always... I can do nothing but watch the world move on without me.

Great Grandmother... and this man who was my grandfather on Mom's side passed on. His body fell into the pool with the rest, a fitting end.

But I caught her and brought Mom to a soft fall. She was hot. Then I saw it — the body that I had manifested was based on the soul that I had meticulously observed and then remade in the full image... but now that one of the strings was gone, she was unravelling into formlessness once more. Even the black mud that coursed again through her was not a strong enough link to keep her up.

Footsteps of destruction (Music) /-sqRredXIFI

As he left the house, too immediately felt different, there was no longer a master here, and the boundary fields weakened considerably. I had not truly realized how much my body felt weighed down before the weight of the oppressive air stopped.

Her body was burning hot like hot wax, and it would be like a fever to a human. The body itself began to wane and shimmer as if preparing to fade away. But that can't be! I'm keeping you here! "Mom...!? Mom...!" It was like the connection to her body was flickering off and on. The conduit between us was broken. My creation was meeting its natural limit, for a crucial part of her was lost, and the scales of what her spirit consists of becomes unbalanced. She would soon become only a shadow.

Her voice was stiff and weak, "Shirou...? It seems that the binding of this body is no longer enough... the soul is fractured now, and soon... it will no longer be enough."It seems that my end was quicker than I imagined, haha... typical. Hope is folly." Her eyes always held that uncertainty and sense of impending doom. 'You can't just give up like that!'

"I'll make you again! I did it once before! I'll reinforce the creation!" I close my eyes and try to imagine it, but there is simply nothing to it... I don't even remember where to start.

"My spirit... origin is broken, Shirou. I can not be healed or remade... I will not return to that prison inside of you, for the walls go both ways. Not even true magic can pierce through it."

I deny it, "B-but! You said that everything would be fixed if we came here! Tell me what to do, and I'll do it!"

She smiled that broken, and off smile with hopelessness in her eyes. Even if it burns me, I won't turn away from her. "There is maybe... one thing, hehehe, bring me... to my daughter, and then there remains the chance for another miracle." She promptly lost all functions. She had nothing left she needed to say. She was resting, as close indeed that a being such as her can rest. If the magical energy of a spirit runs low, it will lose its higher functions the same as a normal person would. I knew she would live; she has to! What would be the point if they died and I lived!?

"Mom..." I held there until I recognized I was wasting precious time. 'I had to go now! Ilya... I had to find her!'

The three dolls stood up then, and looked to me for some sense of purpose. "You three... uhh..." They were naked. I didn't look; I swear I didn't. Their appearance was close to Mom's; they were like relatives maybe. Not that I would know, as I didn't look... "Can you... err, talk?" A confused stare. They were literal newborns. I'm not sure what I was expecting here. "Uhh... follow?" I made hand signals that looked like they would mean follow. They made no indication of awareness but their uncanny stare.

I had no time left; I took mom's body on my back dragging across the ground at her feet. She was physically lighter than a human would be, I was glad she was short, and I was tall for my age. Still... it was not something fit for a child: to carry something that weighs essentially equal to yourself. But I did it, I dragged her along the hallways on my shoulders. A finale of explosions and shots were rushing through the hallways like some concert. I was pushing myself as hard as I could follow that disorder.

But then the sounds broke and, all was silent for the first time in hours. What fate had occurred was uncertain; I could be the only living person left in the castle now. 'Dad...' I must not despair, for to think bad thoughts in a dream make that come true. I would imagine the brave future then simply create it inside me.

The women followed me unhelpfully, but there was not much to expect. They had just been born, so they were nothing more than little chicks following what they would see as their mother.

Broken things were all that I passed, vases, paintings, mirrors, windows and bodies. They were pale as snow and snapped like broken steel. Some had small holes in them with red and silver liquid lifeblood out, and others were cut right in two. War had passed through these halls... but the man who caused it was not there, and the destruction just kept going and going.

Although light in weight, the longer I walked, the more I understood what was truly heavy was not the body... but the soul.

I am carrying two souls, and mine was in the middle, being used as a stool to keep the others up. It's like being destroyed within first. I may hold some part of that already within myself, but to carry it on my back now is killing me. I begin to bend like a sword bends in the crucible of the furnace, and I take in more of the blackness to cover the spots that weaken.

As I reach the great hall, I push to follow my scent towards him just on instinct alone; I smell two humans alive. I am coming at them like a hungry beast, but if that is the only way I can push myself forward, I will lean even into chaos. Mom... I must save her and make her happy.

Going up the stairs is Hell, and my legs give out. Trying to move up when all the power of the world is pushing me down cracks me in two. I crawl to make it even as my back feels pulverized and my soul clutched. My skin burns and black serpents move underneath, whispering, 'You will fall into eternal flame. You will die never knowing love!'

I take on all the troubles of the world on my back until it can stand on its own. ..But eventually, I reach my limit and collapse lower than even crawling. I drag myself by my nails up the final stairs and roll up the second floor.

There, amongst broken glass and fragmented albino bodies, I find Dad's silent body below a girl who I should know. She is just like Mom and just like the man she sheds tears for.

I don't know if he is alive still, but I am too far gone now to figure it out. Blackness encroaches on me, and I will let it take me and hopefully grant a miracle, any help at all.

The weight on top of me lifts, for I had brought her just far enough. "You have fought quite enough." Mom's voice soothes my rest. I regret in that moment: my weakness. I regret and lose my second penalty, not that it would matter unless a hero could now save us all.

'Mom... you were a hero to me...' Is that enough?

---

Ever-present feeling (Music) /3L1DEvzsftw

When the explosions started, I was with grandfather learning boring things I hated. Math and magic, it never ended, and there was nothing but that. I wished at that moment, for the thousandth time, that I could leave or that I could just die. My reason to go on were those thoughts... the only ones that mattered. 'I wonder what Onii-chan looks like? Is he better looking so Dad would want him to be his son more than me?' I imagined what I would do to Onii-chan's face. I would make him ugly, so Dad would hate him too, then maybe Dad would beg for forgiveness. 'But I would not forgive, not ever! ...I won't forgive...!'

But Daddy isn't coming back, and I won't be able to see him. Not for about 56 years, and he will be dead by then... So will I, probably. Grandfather droned on some alchemy spell or whatever. I could do that without effort anyway most of the time. I looked out the window and imagined a world I had power and love. I would be a... magical girl and would have all sorts of friends and a family that loved me more than anything, it was a pathetic dream. There are only so many fantasies to have before I recognize it doesn't matter and stop for a while.

Fantasies like living a life with friends who I would trust and a family that didn't hate me. People would tell the truth, and my power would only be limited by my resolve. ...But that was meaningless, for this was not possible in a world like this. Maybe somewhere was, but not here.

But unlike other nights, tonight was special. Not because of the snow, for it always snowed in winter here. But because the air felt charged, and there was an edge in the air that even Grandfather seemed to be affected by. ...As I thought to ask if maybe he's hiding something from me, lightning flashes in the corner of my eye.

I looked away from the window as light suddenly filled the night. I thought it was strange, as it was night, and then...

Boom!

The windows broke immediately, and I fell out of my chair to the ground. Everything got loud with a deafening ringing. "Grandfather...!? W-what is happening?" Once the boundary field shattered around the wall, there was no longer anything preventing sound from coursing the air.

"It seems that your father has come to kill you, Ilya. You must stay in your room and hide." His voice was as dull as ever, but the news he delivered shattered everything. My fixation was mentioned, and my heart was pierced by this knowledge. I had become as stagnant as ice here, and now that would be blown up. ...This was the end of something, probably my life and his.

Boom!

Another explosion shook the entire mansion. The air started to smell bad. I ran. I ran to my room, and all the other 'family members' came to protect me. Daddy has come to kill me. I accepted that naturally, and I guess I was ready. I was important: I was the success. But Daddy hated that... and Daddy killed Mommy. He hated me from the beginning, and all he was good at was lying. I didn't hide under the bed; I held my fluffed animals and waited for the loud noise to stop.

They didn't.

They just became closer and closer. The sounds of shrieks and bombs and bullets... I closed my eyes, held my ears tight and waited for the end.

The Von Einzbern are not a family of warriors, and those that can fight are those trusted to be in the first to away in the world. If someone had made it to the main hall, then it is already over. No matter how many empty shells you throw at that person, it won't work. ...Daddy is too strong, and he won't be stopped until I am dead.

My room shakes enough for the chandelier to start to fall apart. Something breaks and falls to my lap — a shattered piece of glass from the chandelier. A Jagged thing formed like a knife. It even has a smooth part to hold... so conveniently falling into my hands. 'Break free... break free...' A casual laugh carries on the same air that broke the glass; it is a laugh I loved. But it leaves me scared. What is happening out there?

Three final loud booms echo out, and then it is silent. It is over. Whatever happened doesn't matter, really. If Grandfather won then, Dad is dead, and I have no reason to do this anymore. If Dad won, then we will come here now and kill me. There is no point in waiting then... "Why don't you just go?" I wonder. Come out and face him, then die at least with a view of my destruction.

I walk out of my room. It is as I expect: everything is damaged. I am the last remaining white thing. All the rest has been coloured in by red and black.

I walk on until I reach the main staircase down to the great hall. So many bodies lay the ground — my 'relatives' lay slaughtered. I don't feel anything looking at them, they were failures, and I was the one success. Arms and legs, and broken dolls litter the ground... there is a lack of blood, for a homunculus contains only a little of that. A long grey coat, cut to pieces and slashed in two, is strung up on a halberd that sticks into one of my cousins meant to protect me, probably the strongest ones who were made for combat. ...But homunculi were fragile at their core. Our bodies are only as strong as our souls... And the souls that made up everyone here was inadequate compared to the olden days when magic was more potent. Only Grandfather and I had robust souls.

Granfather would have been able to beat him, but he was not here. I couldn't feel him in the walls anymore, and the mansion was dead. He died too then, and that would surely mark the end of the Von Einzbern as there would never again be a homunculus created here.

The man remaining slouches on his metal stick, catching his breath. Across his chest, there was lots of red fluid and... many long gashes. About forty corpses riddled this room, and I did not know if he counted or not.

He did all this just to kill me? He was out of breath; I stood there looking at him blankly. There was nothing left for me.

He weakly stood up, barely strong enough to move and came to see me right there.

His eyes grew large, "...Ilya...? Is that you, Ilya...?" Dad was crying. But I didn't bother lamenting about it. I was about to die: he would kill me, and I would be free to be with Mommy. I closed my eyes and waited. He moves, and... A warm and wet thing comes over me and holds me. 'Is this death?' No... "Ilya... Ilya... I'm here, I'm sorry, I'm here, I'm sorry." He held me upright and repeated it over and over to himself.

"Dad-dy...?" He is... what is he doing? 'Kill me!' Just let it end!

"I'm so sorry... I tried to come, I tried to save you, and keep my promise. But... I was weak for so long. I was cursed until this moment when we could be a family. Your mother is here too, and we came to bring you home. I owe it to you... I will do whatever it takes, do whatever you want... I will give it all to you, please... We can be that, Ilya. I came... Haha... please..." He laughed and cried, but he was so happy. His eyes were far away, looking not to reality but his own imaginary future. He let his body slacken, taking his vest off and only a small shirt lays under. My right-hand starts to feel odd as if possessed by the chill.

This is not real then, "Daddy..." I was whimpering into his smoking coat. I couldn't believe it. It was all too good to be true. I was ready to accept it, I was so ready to believe no matter what... I would have if I were the same girl he left that day. If this was a year after he left, or two or three: I would have loved him as much as the day he left me all alone in a freezing castle. But it's been four years almost to the day. A smouldering heat spreads inside me, a burning madness that pours onto me from his eyes and breaks the inhibition of sanity.

The more we hugged, the more his black tears fell onto me. I don't think much of it, but it starts to sting, and my hand becomes a slave to my raw heart. 'Break free! Break free from your hatred once and for all!" His curse leaks from him, and some sinks into me. It's weak, but enough. Enough to bring out what was already there: vicious and raw hate that had festered over years of loneliness. Everything turned to red, "You broke your promise...!" I cried out and hit on the chest.

And I made a mistake... I made... a mistake. If there was not a sharp thing in my hand, it would not have occurred, but there was that glass in my hands... and for but a fleeting moment, the wish to take revenge dominated my heart. Instead of hitting him with my weak hands, then falling into his embrace, and accepting him, and forgiving him, and returning with Kiritsugu to a happy life.

Instead of that, I stabbed him in the chest three times in the hole left. It didn't make a noise; Instantly, his breath exited his body weakly, "Ahhh..." His lungs were pierced. The glass fell from my hands and shattered onto the ground. My anger died with it. Even that abandoned me. Daddy fell back. He looks so fragile now, he looks so... weak. His eyes were still on me, and his voice struggled out as blood pooled on his lips, "Il-ya...?"

'...What...? Why did I do that?' All the hate I'd ever pent up for him came out in that blow to his chest, piercing him. It was a surely fatal wound.

I lost to the cold once and for all and let it take my heart. This was the end of that long defeat. "Daddy...!" My tears stained my precious coat. "I-I didn't mean to! I... didn't mean to...!" 'It wasn't my fault!' My innocence was as broken as the glass on the ground. 'Revenge...?' All too late do I see that all I have done is cut my own life apart at the last moment. I had meant to die now: to die hated by Daddy... not to hear what I always wanted to hear and then have it fall to ash in my hands.

"...iya..." He was too far gone to even know what was happening now. His hand took my cheek in his palm but fell to the ground leaving blood on my cheek.

I muster some courage, "...!" I try to direct life into his body, but it doesn't work, his body sucks it in, and it all evaporates. His body itself cannot be healed because his soul is weak. It has reached the end of its fated life. Only a hero can save one fated to die, and there was no such thing as that anymore. The man who collapsed below me was the fool who wished for that... Who else would come?

A loud stomp is my answer. The creaking stairs splinter under a loud climb. 'Who...?' I look and see him. I see him, but he does not see me. A boy with red hair with white spots, carrying a woman on his shoulders. The boy walks up the dilapidated stairs one by one, struggling all the way. Every step leaves him gasping and his face redder. Even as he falls to his knees in the end, he still struggles forwards. He crawls using his nails, pulling a bit forwards but bit all with a woman larger than himself on his back. He fights and fights to reach the top, using his own body to push himself farther.

I watch, entranced by it. He struggles on even as there is nothing holding him up. He has no strength, but he continues nevertheless. Even as his skin turns against him and begins to shift, does he stop. Why doesn't he realize that like everyone else? We can all join the dead together... that was the only remaining thing.

False Transmigration of the Soul (Music) /c1sZ2q1ZFUY

He pulls up the final stair with his teeth and nails, pushing up and promptly falling back as forwards as he can. As he fails to move, the woman begins to rise. An ominous laughter fill the room, "Hihihi... hehehe... hahaha-hahaha hahaha hahahahahahahahahahaha!" She laughs because it is the only sense of strength she can rely on to stand. The woman rises, and I see her face. She is... unmistakable. Her face, no matter what darkness possesses it will never be far from my mind.

"Mommy...?" Impossible. I knew that she... did not survive. I saw it in my dreams; I dreamt that she turned in a cup and Daddy destroyed her.

But there she is. She is her, but also not her... she is wrong. She looks into my eye and seems to know what I think, "Yes, Daughter, Mommy is here... I will save you now, I will give us all salvation. Can you see the hope I bring? We can be a family!" My heart races. Daddy was... telling the truth? 'Mommy was alive, but they lied! Why did I believe it? I should have just known! I ruined it then. I was the problem the entire time.'

She extends her hand into the air as if to cast a spell, but her body begins to flicker and fade. "M-mommy, what is happening?" She looks hurt! No... no... no...! This is... this is not happening! It can't be that they will both die.

She ignores and moves hurriedly, "Come to me, my servants!" They are not ones I know, but it seems not all of the Von Einzbern are gone. They come out from the stairs. I see at a glance they are not like me, but all serve a purpose nonetheless. Mom calls one to her side. "I am your mistress, answer my call and become the dress of heaven!" Her wish echoes into the huge hall. Her hands begin to fade to shadow, and from her body, it starts to fall into nothingness. The unnamed doll melts down into a dress. The dress of the Von Einzbern. The Heaven's Feel. Her voice is calm. But it is the calmness of death that stills her, "Ilya... what I wouldn't give for us to have a reunion now of love, but it is not that time. I need you to do something important for me. I can save Kiritsugu, but I will die in the process. I will fade and disappear back to the reverse side... back to the fire in the mountain under the sun. But... if you could catch me before I go..." Her form is already falling into shadow; her feet do not reach the floor. "Of course, if it is you wish that this all turns to ash then-" I didn't want to waste time.

"I-I will do it! I'll save you, and you'll save Dad!" I know what she asks, and I know that everything is strange... but I don't care.

The white dress flows to me and adorns me as a perfect fit. The dress melts into me as if it is a natural form of mine. I see the memories of the past, of another life. It is Grandmother... but it feels lost now; she is not there anymore. The dress retains its power, however, and it gives me the power to see the unseen realm. Time passes slowly as I see the world from the other side. I see the realm of souls in the air.

Both Mom and the boy, they are held together by a blackness. It is a void that connects to a great river of evil. 'Ahhh!' It stares back at me, the void stares at me. It is the same hate that took my heart and stabbed Dad. It is the cold that bit me and the loneliness that cursed me. It is everything wrong that ever happened to me! I despise it, but it is like a clay that holds together what should rightfully fall apart; it must stay, or else everything will disappear. It must not be expelled. I see her then, under that sea of black mud. She is the cup that the blackness is held inside of, and inside the boy... a mountain and a river and a row of swords. If she is the cup, and the blackness is the filling, then... the boy is the cupbearer holding it up bravely even as it spills and burns him underneath.

I see Dad's thread of life reaching its end; once it snaps, there is no longer coming back. But he is not dead. If anyone could save him, it would be Mom. The river of black connects to him, but on the edge of falling entirely into the void Kiritsugu has lost all inhibitions and fears; no longer does the curse eat at him.

I tug on the soul that is in front of me: Irisviel Von Einzbern, she is my mommy and is important to me. The body that holds her is like a cup, but it is a fake. It is the perfect fake, however, and has a power equal to the real. That is the source of this transformation...

One of the three naked women walks up to me; she is not like Mom or me but closest to others. One is already on me in the form of a dress, and the other sits there watching like a defender.

The destination: It is a failed replica of Justeaze — one of the many disappointments. I remember the pool, I remember their whispers. But now... she is a failure no longer, and her body is working. I will actualize her existence here, within a body equal to her own. It seems almost too convenient, but I will not doubt a gift right in front of me. Mom's soul will overwrite the body and make the appearance reflect the soul. A homunculus was the reflection of a soul, so its appearance could change if its soul somehow changed.

Seeing me begin to imitate the Heaven's Feel, she heals Kiritsugu as his thread is just about to shatter in the cold. She warms him up...

Her method of healing Kiritsugu was... well, it was intimate; she was on top of him, and her clothes were... not on. "Haha, don't think you can escape your promise so easily, my husband. If it's the last thing you do, you will keep your vows to me. This is my annihilation wish, witness me!" Unimaginable energy began to surge in and around her, ether clumps began to appear in the air as raw mana not found in this age poured into the air and swirled into her. If the air of the modern age held about 150 mana in the air at best, then this began to shift towards 10000. "O' Black Grail, sing out! Sing with me, Ilya! Watch me burn to save my love!" Energy surged between her and Dad, and she completely began to fade away. Dad writhed in pain, but it was the pain of life. The only method of healing available to her was through that pain, it was all she knew.

Pure and honest prayers may be temporarily answered by connecting the concept of love and motherhood to the Grail. This is not the wish of the Grail... it is something different, yet the same... In my heart, and in my soul, I can see it only as of the power of a hero... A Noble Phantasm! It takes all the energy of the room and sucks it into a whirlpool of power. It all comes out as thick mud, and her body disintegrates into flame and nothingness leaving only mud that drips into Kiritsugu and seems to force his soul to return. It won't let him leave, it won't let him escape even to death.

The mud covers all but me, and the rest funnels into the boy who lays there on the ground like he is some sort of drain. The great soul that loses itself into the air clings desperately to him, and only by that am I able to ensnare it.

I catch her in my web, and she moves like water in my hands to a new place. A new and perfect holder waiting just there, a thing that is like me... but not. I am the only lesser Grail here. She is the Grail achieved to one... but there is no rule saying there can not be more than one.

I hold her soul in my hands, and she shifts into her new body like a parasite into a new host.

In place of the empty doll that was: Mom was there now, no longer did she wear a strange smile or a black dress. She took me into her embrace and smiled her true smile. In her eyes, though there was a still deep darkness, reflecting an inherent void in her. "Mommy!" I fell into her, even if she had no clothes on at all. It wasn't like anyone important was watching. Her power felt... diminished now, she was not the same as before.

For a long time, it was just a sort of wet sobbing mess as I cried in her arms. "Shh, my child... you have done well. Shh..." She caressed my hair and brushed it in her hands, I was just a baby again now. "All will be well now... but your father is still weak, he needs a little... excitement..." Her new exposed body started to redden become warm. Wickedness could be found in her eyes, "Ilya, I will awaken your father in a very... special way, do you want to help me? Then we will leave this place." She hurried me into the closest room and shut the door.

"A special... spell?" Her entrancing eyes led me in, this was someone I could never deny.

"Yes, the strongest way to heal a man to the point that he will wake up very happy... Do you want to help? Hehehehe."

Her look fills me with irrational fear, but this is mommy... so I should trust her over my instincts, "Y-yes! I will... I will do it, show me..." But before I would learn this secret power, I was taken under the shoulders by arms that kidnap me away.

Mom shouts, but either because she is still too weak to move or she does not really care she does not do more than that, "Shirou, where are you going with her!? Why are always ruining my fun?" Hand drag me as gently as possible away into the nearest room.

Into a nearby room, I am hurriedly taken and the door is locked. I fight out of the hands and turn back at this thing that took me, he is looking away.

The room was the altar to God, but it too was demolished and the walls gave way to the new day outside. The snow reflected the newborn sun and onto a boy looking out into the white forest. Long deep breathes for the first time all day, even if I am left out of whatever is going on in the other room, I feel... at peace. I feel that I trust this boy who is not that much larger than I am. I reach out to him, he flinches but doesn't move away, "Who... are you?" I know who it is, this is the boy I hated. The boy who stole daddy away, but came and saved me then left the room like it was not his business anymore. He appears far away, I feel some connection to him deep inside. If I still wore the dress of Heaven, then I would understand still... but now I am left lost like I had gained a third eye and then promptly lost it. Only memory remained, and it too would fade with time. "Angra... Mainyu?" The name taints my lips. The dress showed me the world beneath the surface, and I saw the truth for such a short moment.

His shadow covers much farther than his height in the newly rising sun. He sits and faces the statue of Mary, with the altar and shrine to the past.

Dust is shading him like he has been covered in volcanic ash: it is the mud that covers him. He answers with a long consideration, "No, that is not me. I am... Emiya Shirou, you are my... onee-san." He looks at me lost with a subtle smile, and kneels to me in reverence, "Thank you... thank you for making them happy, I couldn't do that. You saved them..." It is as if he, and not I was the one that was saved. But that is something I cannot accept. I am... small next to him, and I can not help him hold the mountain he holds on his back.

"...No." I refuse... selfishness takes me.

"No...? Then you do not wish to be my sister... I see... that is natural... haha..." he laughs at his anguish. "Yes... I know... I am just... a fake. I do not belong anymore with this family." His eyes moved to the edge of the broken wall, into the fall to the ground. The sun shined down on him, and I see it. How can he be younger when he has done so much?

I know, because I had the same eyes not a few hours ago... We are the same. He would fall without a thought to anything but to meet his end, thinking nobody cared. Even still, the jump would be so easy... and simple for us both. ...But... even if I will not ever forgive Daddy... I can't just... not see the world that he and Mom have come to give me. The cold will always remain... but I can't let it end without witnessing warmth once again.

He may have the will to seek out his own end... but I am weak... so much more fragile than him. I pulled his hand back from the edge, "No! Stop it! B-but... you are my Onii-chan... An onii-chan always come to save his little sister." Those eyes of his, which held back tears, came back to look at me.

We both idealized versions of one another in mind, but he gave his away and accepted mine without hesitation. "...I see ...Then I am your Onii-chan... I will always save you." I grasped his hand, as he said that simple and sincere. Without reservation to what it could mean, and without a thought of betrayal or moving away without nothing that appeared to be in the way of it...

Warmth begins to form inside me where his eye meets with the sun. Is this... my hero...? Mommy and Daddy gave everything up for me, but a miracle saved them. Only this boy was left out as an afterthought... I only have one thing to say: "You're weird, Onii-chan..."

We held each other's hands and stared into one another, "Sorry... Ilyasviel. ...This is how I was born." What I see reflected in his eyes is darkness, but also a primal and unbreakable loyalty and desire for something...

Incredible drowsiness begins to come to me now, for I haven't slept at all this night. "Call me... Ilya. Just Ilya..." I won't let go. If Dad and Mom have each other... then can I have you? A warmth spreads down and into me. It's a scary feeling, and as I calm down, I cry more and hate less as if being with him means the end of one's problems, but I would rather be scared than cold.

I fall asleep, holding his hand tight on the pew. Under the light of the winter sun and the glare of the Virgin Mary, with the last snowdrops on my hair washing out the red, his red eyes enthral me and banish the last remaining chill in my heart, allowing the warmth of true love in my heart to manifest. Into this insane new life, I would trust him over all else.

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Author's Notes:

200k words now, I don't know how I reached this point, but I have... This is my longest chapter but I don't have much to say here that I don't say above more or less... Yay, I guess that we reached this milestone in the story and word count.

I didn't go into Kiritsugu's perspective of him killing everyone with his guns and bombs because this was already long enough in my view. This is not his story at the end of the day and you can leave it up to your imagination as he massacred the servants without mercy. Maybe I'll have Shirou ask later about the truth of Kiri's past. As for smut, I ask you not to hate me for my struggles with it... I'm not a smut writer, and I don't know how you will take it. I will write it when I feel it serves an important purpose, and to Iri and Kiri it definitely does. It's not something that will be in the story all the time.

Irisviel won't be as strong anymore, and neither will Angra Mainyu. So you can say that they have effectively been cut off from the full infinite power now, but are in a more stable yet lesser state. There are still Einzberns out there, like the two other dolls that will be accompanying them to Fuyuki, and whose names should be easily guessed. Then there are some that are away such as the spies and such, and I won't forget them entirely. It's just that essentially the magic system of Einzbern has met its end and Ilya is pretty much the last one. Irisviel will be more like a pseudo-servant now rather than the grail itself, as Justease sacrificed herself. ...But that just means there is no consciousness in the greater grail, it can be filled later on once more.

The next chapter should be a wrap up for some logistics I guess between the Association and Kiritsugu because while they would not know what happened, they would definitely know that something fucky occurred. So will be seeing Waver once more, but I do not intend to dwell on that too long because otherwise, it will become very long. Then will have Sakura, Rin and Ilya together for the first time and I'll give them more attention.

Favorite, follows and reviews are my only payment for doing this... so I will beg humbly for them.