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I don't own anything related to Fate/stay night; this is a work of parody.
Act Two: Lorelei
Whisper of Darkness (Music) /9V2ohFtiYV0
"Ahhh!" I wake up in my bed. I am out of breath as I open my eyes.
My heart is beating, and I feel afraid so much I want to cry. But after pushing myself into the pillows for a minute, I slowly can calm down.
My panic stills and my excitement lets go to the light of summer. It is just a normal day; there is no fire. There is nothing wrong. 'Remind yourself, Sakura... You're safe in bed... The world is fine. Senpai is fine.' No matter what they show you, the reality is different.
I remind my mind, but I can't get the dreams to go away.
It is my room now. I haven't returned to the Matou place once since we have left. This is my home now. A real home where I am allowed to be a person.
I quickly go out to the hall when I see that the time is late! I slept in very late, nearly to 1 pm. But as it was summer, it's not bad.
This was my best summer ever, but also the only one I was free. So even though I was wasting it, the few good moments alone with Senpai, we're the best. Even together with everyone was not horrible.
So even if I still had to learn evil magic that I hated, I had a reason to live now. I don't have to fear hope when I can live with Senpai and Irisviel and even see Tohsaka-senpai live her life.
I wasted most days too afraid to seek it out, but sometimes when the stars aligned and Senpai helped me to express myself, I felt like a real kid. I looked at him, and I felt... butterflies in my stomach. We played stupid games as if we were stupid kids, and he even brought us all out to the beach a few times.
It was amazing, but I sometimes wished that Tohsaka and Ilya and those maids could just disappear and be forgotten, but I know that is no good. I must be a good girl.
On this specific day, nearing the restarting of school, I find Ilya and Senpai playing out in the yard. A game that she would quickly tire of, but she enjoyed anything that had him in it. She was always hogging his time as if he was her favourite toy. She's a spoiled brat.
My nails sink in my arm as I see him smile at her. It's a hollow yet earnest smile. He wants to convey his happiness to her.
I should be happy that Senpai is happy with Ilya... I should be a good girl who is understanding. But... I am not. I hate it.
I want her to go away so I can see him in peace. I can't handle her energy.
But I feel... connected to her. A weird connection that makes me uncomfortable and also... understanding of her? We were both in conflict now, but sometimes, we were almost like friends. She... maybe wasn't so bad individually.
But... I will not accept her.
Because...
She wants Senpai all to herself.
I wish the girl would go after him, but instead, she comes after Senpai as if he was hers to have! She acts like he really was made for her, and Senpai is too good-natured to ever say no. She is sweeping him away with her evil wiles.
I'm left to watch from the shadows... Too afraid to come out and face it all head-on.
I know I am stupid. I know that expecting Senpai always to be there to hold my hand and pull me forwards is wrong. It is wrong on me to expect him to waste time on me now anyways...
I know that, and yet... I can't do anything else. I'm useless.
"We do need dinner, and we run out so quickly... Great idea, Sakura. You and me-" Just as the conversation moves to my desired outcome, the silver devil runs back into the hall.
"Onii-chan, Onii-chan! I heard that you want to go to the market, why not with me~!" She ran back into the room and jumped into hugging him. She had no hesitations about physically touching.
My attempt fell apart immediately. Ilya always goes in the way, but Ilya says the same about me.
Only Tohsaka seems always to get everything she wants; she never even has to try.
"...That's true. Sakura, is that alright? Ilya wants to see the market." He knows that it is our sort of thing. He winces, knowing it pains me. He knows me so well. He is only indulging her because she is his little sister.
That is the only warmth in that. She is stealing him away.
"O-of course... Senpai. That's f-fine, go ahead with Ilya." My own stuttering speech betrays my dejected voice. As if I am being denied directly by him.
"Alright... Let's go, Ilya. We don't want to be late. Goodbye, Sakura. Maybe next-" Ilya pulled on his sleeve. She is such an impatient brat.
"Let's go! Come on, slow Shirou!"
"Yeah..." My head hangs, but I can't be a burden on him. He gave me this chance for a real-life, I can't always be like this. This is his little sister, of course, he has to look after her. I smile to see them off; it is only right. Maybe even Ilya and I could-
Yet as they leave, Ilya looks back and smiles devilishly as she clings to Senpai's hand. As if she were his girlfriend!
That ruins any control I have over my storming emotions.
She smiles back at me. She puts her tongue out and silently laughs as I fume. She knows what she is doing! Unforgivable.
SHE BARELY DESERVES TO EXIST! Thief! He wanted to go with me! She rips things, the things I hold dear, away from me...
My teeth clench and a desire to eradicate flashes in my mind, yet I bury it. 'Calm, Sakura... calm... Ilya wants you to get angry, so don't let her win!' The inner voice of reason wins.
Her mocking face echoes in my head long after she is gone.
I do nothing. What could I do but make a scene and make him hate me? She wants that. She wants to expose me in front of him. "...Hah." I take a deep breath and find my nails piercing the skin of my arm, my nervous habit leaves a new scratch on my left arm.
I am angry at nothing. It's not worth it... He would have only gone with me out of pity, and the girl saved him from that.
Senpai would hate me. Ilya is a horrible little terror, but she is not doing anything out of the rules. She doesn't need mind control to get him to go along with her. She doesn't exactly hide her ambitions over him.
Ilya and Tohsaka both can make him do whatever they want, while I can barely stutter out a single sentence to him. Of course, he won't look at me the same way...
I am the problem.
If only I could speak up... But I can't. I've grown comfortable letting Senpai speak for me that I have become useless. And the one thing I care about is the one thing Senpai won't do for me. He can't advocate what I want him to do with me to himself.
I hate her, but Ilya is so... unabashed. I wish I could be that in my mind, but it's impossible. I can't be like that ever.
Maybe Senapi like loud energetic types... It's hopeless then. It's unfair if she feels no embarrassment.
The fact that he still comes specifically for me to help with dinner or walk to school or at recess time is the only reason we can even be together. When he is not there my skin crawls as if uncomfortable with the idea of being away from him. I fear that he is gone forever, and I won't ever feel complete again. But he always comes back for me. I think when he appears, I smile a real smile. I wouldn't know, I can't recreate it.
We don't walk home together, but he is always there later at dinner. I don't know what he does after school every day, but I know Tohsaka has taken him out to study with her... alone. She can call it whatever she wants, but I know the truth.
Investigating that was one of the occasional things that Ilya and I are allied on.
If Ilya is attacking me, and even Tohsaka-senpai... If they think they can steal something that is my reason to exist, all I can do is become better.
So while they go to the market I practice in the kitchen alone and also try talking to Irisviel. She indulges me and is surprisingly kind today. She is like an aunt if anything. That is far more than I deserve. Certainly not like a mother, and Kiritsugu is certainly not like a father. I never want another father or mother anyways.
Senpai and Kiritsugu are alike in a lot of ways. I never talk to Kiritsugu... and sometimes I think he forgets that I'm even there, but I think we have an understanding.
From that first day that Senpai came here covered in blood, we were both swept up into this.
I once saw Irisviel and Kiritsugu together... I was paralyzed. I was so ashamed, but I watched it all. It was so... strange. Like a dance. I couldn't look away. I hid in the shadows that I had become accustomed to.
She came at him as if hungry, desperate to be with him.
She winked at me at the end, I'm sure of it. She didn't care that I was there... no, she probably enjoyed it. She enjoyed letting others see her love for him.
She was insane... but... am I different? I didn't walk away. It was... making love?
It made me want to throw up as much as it made me feel interested. Could I ever...?
What is love?
Obsession, feeling the need to be with another. Feeling complete. Watching them and protecting them. That's what I gather from Irisviel at least.
...Isn't that how I feel about Senpai? At first, he was the only good thing in my life, but even now where I am free to do anything I want... I don't want to leave him, and I don't want him to be taken away.
My body was not pure, but it had been cured by introducing a worse evil.
...I love him. No... It's much worse than that.
I would be nothing without him. I am like Irisviel.
He let me stay here even after Irisviel's curse fell apart. Irisviel was trying to form an imaginary world, but she did not know how to make it anything more than emptiness. Though Senpai finally showed her that she could live in real life.
Even if those days were painless, I do not miss them anymore. It was wrong to keep Tohsaka-senpai trapped like that. She has a life she wants to live... it's not my business to interfere. She wants her freedom to be away from me, and that is understandable. Her life is so easy and rewarding. I must burden her by even existing. She has made it clear that we will act as acquaintances, nothing more.
Ojii-sama is gone, and her father too. It's just us now, and that is how she feels.
But I don't care about her anymore, not at all... I will simply build my own life from now on.
I smile while preparing the dinner table. He will compliment me on the arrangement, I'm sure of it.
If I follow his footsteps, he will surely notice me forever.
We have so many people to feed that we are always buying new things. And ever since Mom learned that Dad was popular with the older women at the market, she banned him from going. She... is quite possessive of him, that was clear even to me.
We'll have to push ourselves and buy about three days worth of groceries. You never know what sort of sudden party can start up.
At a minimum, dinner is a seven-person affair. Me, Ilya, Sakura, leysritt, Sella, Irisviel, Kiritsugu. Plus Taiga and Tohsaka whenever they come over, which is about every other day.
Sometimes I feel like I'm already cooking for a restaurant with the proportions that I'm getting used to making. I'll have to make sure not to fatten anyone up if there was fewer people to feed someday.
...Considering the thrashing I got recently from Sella after she learned that I was the reason she gained an extra kilogram, I have to be extra careful in that regard.
I go outside with llya.
Then let's buy a lot. What do you want, Ilya? Well, we have to start with today's lunch."
And after thirty minutes of fast-paced hopping.
"Aren't we having stew for lunch? You said so earlier."
"Oh yeah. It's good if it's decided. Sakura makes white stew, so let's go look at the chicken meat."
We head to the familiar butcher.
We're buying three days worth of groceries after all.
We can't waste money, so we have to walk around to find cheap, high-quality goods.
"Aha, we bought a lot, Shirou!" Ilya looked bored while we shopped, but she's laughing now with the groceries in hand.
"I'm sorry, I bought too much. Are those too heavy, Ilya? This bag is lighter, so let's swap." I hold out the lightest of the seven bags I'm holding.
"No, it's not heavy, so I'm fine. Should I carry one more bag? You're carrying lots of bags, and you look like grapes."
"Well, I'm fine too, but grapes? That's a weird comparison."
"Yeah. You're more like a clown with balloons, but grapes are cuter, right?" She sure has a slanted view of the world, only caring for what is cute.
Ilya chatters happily, then starts running. "Hey, wait, Ilya. It's not heavy, but it's hard to run with these."
It's not heavy, but I'm scared of the tofus and eggs breaking. I'm scared, so I sigh and follow after llya with quick steps.
That's the biggest compromise I can make since I was put in charge of buying groceries.
...So I follow after Ilya while being careful with what I'm carrying.
Ilya must like it because she looks really happy.
It seems that even when I'm free of Tohsaka pointing me to do every little thing, I'm still just serving women. I didn't really intend for this, but that's how it works out when you've got someone like Ilya as a little sister.
Ilya stops running and starts to walk beside me once we get to the intersection.
As I enjoy the late summer air, I listen in to the chatter of birds and then...
Die Lorelei (Music) /78EKF80QhGo
"Die Luft ist kühl und es dunkelt, Und ruhig fließt der Rhein. Der Gipfel des Berges funkelt Im Abendsonnenschein." Ilya's singing. It's a familiar melody. I think I heard this song in school when I was a kid. "Die schönste Jungfran sitzet Dort oben wunderbar. Ihr goldnes Geschmeide blitzet, Sie kämmt ihr goldenes Haar."
"..." It is beautiful to my ears and brings peace to my heart. A familiar melody. The simple song is easy and kind, but because of that, it sounds lonely. Ilya's probably happy. That's why she's singing as we walk home.
I can't see her expression since we're walking side by side. There's no way for me to check… what kind of a face she's making as she sings, or how she's feeling as she walks back home. "Den Schiffer im kleinen Schiffe Ergreift es mit wildem Weh. Er schaut nicht die Felsenriffe Er schaut nur hinauf in Höh." But I think of another reason at the same time. It's natural for llya to sing. She could only sing by herself as she went place, as she had neither friends to talk to nor a father to wait for her. "lch glaube die Wellen verschlingen Am Ende Schiffer und Kahn Und das hat mit ihrem Singen Die Lorelei getan."
On the side of the road. I look at the tall concave mirror. In the mirror is me, holding many groceries, and a girl, singing with her eyes closed.
"..."
It's nothing. It looks like normal siblings going home after shopping, yet a long dark shadow runs behind me...
It looks so natural that it makes me imagine. ...What if Kiritsugu were between the boy holding the bags and the singing girl? How happy would that be?
(Music Stop)
"Oh. Look... It's Kiritsugu." She ends her song, and indeed, Kiritsugu is right there coming down the sidewalk coming towards us.
"Kiritsugu...?" Sometimes wishes come true immediately after you make them.
"Hey..." Dad appeared as if to hear my silent wish. "Irisviel said that you'd be coming back about now, sorry... I'm a little late. I was going to catch you just as you were leaving the market and walk back with you." Dad didn't leave the house so often now. It meant a lot that he'd come out now so conveniently...
Though I'm sure Mom had to push him out the door. She must have heard my wish.
"I heard your singing... It was quite capable. You could a professional singer." A very Kiritsugu business sort of compliment.
Ilya had a sad, yet delighted smile. "Oh...Thanks. I've practised a long time... I'm fine with my current profession." It looked like more than anything, she must have imagined singing to him and hearing his praise.
"What's that, Ilya?"
"Being cute~!"
It was enough to even bring a smile to the old man. Isn't it beautiful to have a family?
"Hah... Indeed. You are quite skilled in that regard. Irisviel was never like that." If they could talk like this, then you'd think there is no reason there should be a rift between them. Time is all that can heal them, and it has. It's been seven months since Ilya has come home, and six that Ilya and Kiritsugu have been in the same house, eating the same food and sharing the same everyday life.
"You think I'm cuter than Momma?" Ilya asked the difficult question and looked into Kiritsugu's eyes with a look that melted the soul of men. Her own father of course was the least resistant to that.
He rubbed his neck and chuckled softly. Yeah. Don't tell her, but I think it is fair to say." A visible cold sweat ran down his back. "But of course I think she is more beautiful, in a mature way...!" He suddenly found the need to elaborate as if Irisviel was right there looking at him dejected. ...She could, you never really know with her.
Ilya was disappointed, but the cold spirit that was watching was appeased. "Make up your mind, Papa. Being mature is the opposite of cute!" And that was why Ilya was the cutest of them all.
"You have me there, Ilya..." She climbed to his shoulders and they walked back like that somehow coming back without a disaster.
There was nothing that said that just because you can't forgive someone, that you have to hate them. ...So Ilya did love him, and I don't think she even really hated him as she used to. The past stings, but it leads nowhere.
Ilya grasped her own future with her own two hands.
No matter how much pain it starts out with... enough good meals can heal any soul.
It was a good dinner. Sakura outdid herself today and prepared a western-style stew. Irisviel and I helped her, but I gave her the kitchen. And with steady hands and a strong resolve, she pulled it off.
Even Taiga and Tohsaka showed up as if we were one big family. Kiritsugu, Irisviel, Ilya, Tohsaka, Sakura and Fuji-nee. It was never boring with them around, there was always something to do, someone to please or some event to understand. I forced Sella and Leysritt to come in, despite Ilya's suspicions against them.
There were conversations. Taiga is absurd, Ilya bragging about everything she did at school, Irisviel acting less mature than her daughter, and Kiritsugu trying to keep her from going too far. Tohsaka and Sakura watched this but not being entirely apart, the awkwardness of their presence had long since passed and they were fixed parts at the table. It was peaceful, nobody was punished for smiling.
It was painless. It all blended together into a new whole that grew in opposition to the bitter past.
Life became ordinary. Events didn't matter so much as they were a part of this everyday life.
A single whole, full of things of significance, filled me up.
All of it was fun, and so it's natural that one would not want to stop even when there is a natural conclusion waiting when one begins to fill their lives with all the new things that can be found. A year really is a long time in that regard.
It was a normal day, one that was common for the life of Emiya Shirou. Not anything special. That was the miracle.
A wish granted in motion.
But when one experiences enough in life to feel fulfilled to the point of fullness, what happens to that which can only exist as a hollow thing?
Fragment of happiness (Music) /S77ZhgCWtas
When I found some time in my day, I finally kept a promise long coming. Something that I want really looking forwards to, but I knew was important.
I found her cleaning a gutter dutifully. Her conservative full-body white outfit was completely clean despite the dirty environment she was working in. After every rainstorm, they clean it all out, trying to make it pristine and fitting for the heir of the Einzbern noble family.
I muster up my words and walk right to her.
"Sella... I've been looking for you."
"Yes, Emiya-sama? As you can see, I am busy. Is there something the matter?"
"Ahem, yes..."
"Is Ilya in good condition?"
"Ilya is as great as ever, and the house is more than alright. It's cleaner than it has ever been. But... that's not why I am here. I am here to talk to you, Sella. Not to the head maid of the Einzbern."
"E-Emiya-sama...? You are here to see me... as a man would see a woman?"
"Uh... I guess you could put it that way. From one alive being to another, yes." Is this embarrassment I am seeing from the normally emotionless maid? "This talk is long overdue. Sella... what is... err, how you think of me?" I asked, not able to look her straight on. I am embarrassed by the question. I feel like I am asking if she likes me or something.
Maybe I didn't phrase it right... but I think she will understand. I wish to know how I should treat her, considering she seems to see me as of similar importance as Ilya. Even if she is mainly Ilya's
Her face was bright red, and after a long pause as if to search for an answer, she found it: "I love you." She says without any emotion.
I begin to cough immediately. "Hack, aggghhh...!" Both in response to what I heard, but also to cover her words from being overheard. If certain others heard that...! Not good things would happen. I can't say why, but it is just an innate understanding of how to prevent disaster.
"Sorry, do you hate me now?"
Sella, Ilya, Leysritt, and Irisviel... they are family. I am the older brother here. Ilya may treat these two as if they were lesser, but I would not! They are her cousins, so that means they are mine too... obviously, as they literally have lived their entire lives with me as their teacher... maybe they are not crazy for looking up to me.
As for 'love', I have a creeping suspicion that Irisviel has placed some corrupting ideas in their naive minds.
"Noo...! I wouldn't hate you for that, no matter what. Though Ilya... let's not tell her anything, okay? I think that that is enough... err, I mean I will look after you, so don't worry! I think everything is fine." I don't even know what I am saying. I reach up and take her shoulder on reflex. She is not too tall, about as tall as Mom, so we are almost the same height.
I need to deal with this now.
"Yes, Onii-sama. Just a secret between us..." lost in my thought, I didn't notice her face was coming closer. Why was she so close to me? Why was her mouth coming so close?
Close... close... "Uhhhhh..." I am paralyzed. Just like before... A hand comes and separates our mouth. As pale as hers.
"Sella sinful. Wants kiss Onii-sama. Go against Ilya's will, die." It's Leystritt.
Her hand fell down at her sister-maid. It was a strike that had the power of a truck, but Sella takes it without flinching. It
It begs the question... how did Kiritsugu take them all on at once?
"Stop it! I-t really isn't such a big deal... Haha, Sella is just joking..." I don't know why I keep trying this argument. Sella didn't actually pull a single prank in the time she has been here.
"No jokes. Ojou-sama ordered to execute on sight." Liz was emotionless if not for a slight sting of envy. They
I get between the two. "I order you two to stop!" I command as quietly as possible. I don't want to attract anyone. "Explain, please. I'm lost?"
"Ilya gives us all sorts of kill orders relating to you... In this case, if there were to be someone seeking to kiss you, she has given full authority to use deadly force."
"Well, you just tried to kiss me!? That's not alright, Sella. It's... violating to do that, and I'm just a kid!" Yes, I think that would be the normal reaction.
Now I feel bad as Sella looks regretful. "I-Is that so...? I apologise. Onii-sama, we were born, and you were the first person that we saw. After that, you taught us how to be the greatest maids we could be, even more than what would be expected from a master. In the now death of our father, you took his place, and your song now echoes in my mind. Thus, after speaking with the mistress about this, Leysritt and I have come to agree that we are both madly in love with you. I thought, thus, that the next step would be a kiss and then perhaps marriage." She explained it without a shred of feeling, like explaining the plot of a book. It was clear that some bad ideas had been implanted in her head.
Some relief came to me. Because of one word: 'Mistress', that was what Mom made them call her, and she is the cause of this.
Yes... they did see me as something like a big brother... but a certain Mother of mine had certainly polluted that pure affinity.
This was the sort of thing that I had become accustomed to with Irisviel in the house. They just need to be taught the correct way, that you can discern a relationship for someone without the whole... you know... kissing and stuff.
"Sella, listen... I can't love you, or anyone for that matter. That's just how it is, but how does this sound: I will be your big brother, I will teach you all sorts of things... But only when Ilya is not around. I will look after you."
I was already doing that anyway.
"...I agree. I was questioning the expenses of a wedding anyway; it was unbefitting for a simple maid to be a burden on her house." I don't think that was the problem here...
"Me too." Liz joined in.
At least they were easy...
"Yeah... Just don't tell Ilya, alright? She wouldn't understand. And come to me if she tells you to kill anyone, alright?"
"Of course."
They both would tell Ilya, and they were loyal to her first. But sometimes, you have to form a web of lies in order to make the happiest outcome.
I'd have to speak to Ilya myself at some point, but I knew how to make her see reason. It usually included me making her sweets in an apron, but you would be surprised by how much I could get her to do with that. I would appreciate it if she took away all the orders that involved killing people...
I'm sure it will work.
The first time she did homework was because of french toast, and the first time she talked to another student was because of pancakes. In short, food is the greatest power I have.
"What is going on in here?" Of course, it was impossible to hide something from others in a home like this. However, it was the person I least expected who came and probably the least troublesome.
When the maids saw who it was, they left quickly. But not because it was going to be an inquisition like Sakura or Ilya would hold over us three, or because it would be teasing from Taiga or Tohsaka. No, because they were actually banned from being too close to this person.
It was Kiritsugu, in a rare out of his study moment. He came outside to see me.
"Hmm... Shirou, I don't know what is happening here, but you should watch yourself with women. Especially of that family... they can be... clingy." He rubbed his neck for some reason.
"I know... It sort of ended up like this." The story of my life has been a long wrong place, wrong time tale.
"Haha, I know how you feel... Trust me, I do." He patted my back. I tried to pay some attention to maids from thereon. It was weird, but that had become my norm long ago.
"You want to go do some exercises together? I feel like I'm becoming a real homebody..." Like old times we did our routine together. However, he was a step behind his old pace.
Later we brought out the shinai and started to 'fight', but more like beat each other up for fun.
I fought Kiritsugu to a standstill in the dojo as Mom came to cheer for him to kill me. At least Ilya came to my support.
I imagined the day that I would finally beat him.
Flicker (Music) /n65InOVXmc0
When school started back up again, Tohsaka wasn't there for a day.
Tohsaka didn't show up at the intersection, and I became worried. "Senpai, is something the matter?" Sakura and I commonly walked to school together.
Ilya would too, but usually, she was quite lethargic and had the maids take her later. "It's Tohsaka; where do you think she is?"
"Tohsaka-senpai..." That topic was one that made Sakura's mood drop. "...I did see her yesterday. She was leaving school early.
"Early...?" That's not like her. She always studied late, making sure that people saw her perfectly crafted honour student persona.
It's Wednesday, and that means that today is the day I have to study with her according to the rules of the deal between our families.
I start walking up the hill, away from school, leaving Sakura to go alone...
"Where are you going, Senpai?"
"I'll be fine. I can't go to school if I don't know what is going on. I'll probably be there later."
"...Alright, Senpai. I'll go alone." Sakura was resigned to my decision. "I hope to see you later!" Her enthusiasm in our goodbye was tainted only by the sad slump in her walk as she went off alone. I have no other choice. I should be right there if I am wrong...
I ran.
I reached Tohsaka's house, knocked on the door, waited for a bit, then used the key that she gave me. 'Only use it in an emergency Emiya-kun!" This could be it!
What I found inside was a disaster. Somehow, within the last few days that I cleaned this place up, someone had ransacked it.
Could it be... that priest!? He's returned despite Mom's curse!? "Tohsaka!" When I found her, she was on the floor with books on top of her.
Where is he? ...I sensed nothing but her... in fact, the place was mostly fine except where she had seemingly strewn books.
"Tohsaka...! Are you alright?" Her eyes were flickering. She was sweating and was hot. Poison!?
Well, also known as sick.
This was a crime of her own doing.
"It's school time... we should go now. We're going to be late." She slurred her words. Her head was off. This was not the fully in control Tohsaka I am used to.
"We're already quite late. Hah... I was right to check up on you." I helped her up, and she didn't even fight back at me helping her physically.
This really was Tohsaka sick...
Not for a long time have I seen this. "I'm bringing you to bed."
"Ahh...? What? But it's school; it's time for school. Let's go. It's time to get ready... Time for Shirou time..." She repeated herself over and over.
"School is cancelled. It's not for sick people." I carried the limp and exhausted Tohsaka to her room only to find that it too had become a mess.
I had thought she was tidier than this...
"Huh...? What time is it...? Turn the light off... Uh, let's go..." She is in her early morning zombie state. That light was the sun, and it comes no matter how much you wish it didn't.
"Come on; You need rest." By the state of this room... I can guess she has been up doing something for maybe all night straight.
"Ahhh... Emiya-kun... hehe he..." She giggled and stroked my cheek. "You... here in my dream..." She was delirious, clearly not all there at the moment. "Where is Momma? ...what about papa and Sakura?"
I took her to her bed. "Tohsaka, sleep is important. Sleep now. You feel very calm." My awkward attempts at hypnotism only work because she is already exhausted.
"Sleepu? Sleep..." Like falling under her own spell, she falls asleep in her bed.
I readied the tea that I knew would help calm her crest and cleaned up the mess of a house to the point of the tip-top shape.
This was not the first time and would certainly not be the last. This is my job, more or less. I hope that I can make sure she is more responsible for herself going forwards. This is my fault, though because this is only happening because I ripped her away from her previous rhythm of learning magic. Now she is trying to get back into that with a four-month break. If you listen to her, you would think that not meeting your expectations by age 18 means your life is already over.
There is no deadline in my view. Working towards the clock tower from this point in life is too much in my view.
When she did wake up, she at least could put her words together.
"Why...? Emiya...? What are you doing here..." She mumbled.
"You've been sick. I came to look after you."
She turned red, but not out of anger. "T-that is not possible...! I can not be sick... That's impossible."
"What were you doing last night?"
"Important work... Transfer of one crystal to another... I was figuring out the streamlined method of forming multiple crystals at once that would naturally absorb mana for the air. I was so close then... Oh. I collapsed." She must have pushed herself too hard on this stuff I don't know to understand.
"Well, I guess that explains it. You need rest, and I have some tea and food for you. I know it helps to cover the magic crest, right? That will help."
"W-why are you here? Why are you doing this to me? I can't believe this! To embarrass me! Or to conspire against me! Don't think that I don't know how magi are! I can see through your facade!" She mumbled her sleep-deprived anger.
But...
My facade...? She can see through it?
"You... see through me?" my eyes went wide. Can she see through me? I... just want to help her.
"Of course, it's easy to see that you play dumb to get closer to me in order to steal my secrets!"
"Oh." That was not what I was thinking... Well, I don't care about her magic secrets. She starts holding her head as her anger pools in it. It seems that she is not in the best waking up state. "Don't worry about that. Your secrets are safe with me, Tohsaka. I would die than ever tell a single thing to any enemy of yours."
"Ahh... I have a headache now because of you. Stop talking..." She hid in her pillow and screamed. However, she didn't seem angry.
She fell back asleep for half of another hour before coming back.
"Uhh... you again?" I hadn't moved. ...Mostly because I was holding her hand, and it didn't seem to want to let go...
"Still here... Mind if I check up on you? I'm going to look deep inside you..."
"Jeez..." Now she really red. "B-baka! What are you doing? What are you talking about?" I leaned I and held her forehead. One hand is in hers, and the other is on her head, so the current will flow between the two.
'Trace on,' a low shock come through my finger, but that is nothing to the sharp pain of feeling... and seeing her nerves. I see a map of her circuits, it forms a map of her body. I try to find problems.
I can feel her crest... like an artificial limb. Her body doesn't like it. That is one part of exhausting herself. Otherwise, I can't see anything.
"Feeling your temperature. You are at 37 Celsius. Your body is in prime condition, and you have no risk of cancer. It seems that it is related to your body refusing the crest... I can't fix that, but I do have tea." Trying to tie her nerves and crest together would likely not go well. I would have to become a much better magus ever to try something like that on someone else.
"...What?"
"I was just looking through you to see if there was a problem. But I think it is just exhaustion. Though I can see how your body continues to send your crest. Since it's so intertangled to your nerves, I can not do anything but give you the general tea."
"Emiya-kun... what are talking about? How could you possibly know any of this? Without... cutting open." She looked at me with genuine fear.
"No...! I was just analysing you. You know, like composition analysis?" It's probably really baby magic to her, so she is surprised I would bother. Surely she would know that magic. Mom always said that not many people cared about projection and reinforcement.
"Composition...Analysis? What is that?" The magic woke her woke up. "What are you blathering on about...?"
"Now now, that doesn't matter right now. Take this tea... It will help." I didn't take no for an answer, but she had grown more pliant. I helped her sit up and drink. Only then did she see that she had been holding my hand and quickly let go. But she didn't say anything, as if trying to treat it as never happening.
"It's that same tea..." She sipped and had a slightly larger gulp each time. Was she embarrassed to drink in front of me? I looked away. "Stop being an idiot. Look at me."
But when I did, she broke her glance and looked away herself. "...Emiya-kun, why did you come here?"
"You were sick-"
"No. You couldn't have known. I want to know, why you even came here?"
"...I was worried. You never break a promise, Tohsaka." She promised to meet me at the intersection on time. She had never broken it, despite her long battle with the mornings.
"You were... worried about me?" She shook her head. "Hearing that from you is an awful feeling, Emiya-kun." She was sipping it over and over as if she couldn't help but like to drink it now. Her shoulders began to soften, and I think the discomfort in her really did lessen. "Hmmm...Composition analysis...? Tell me about this, or were you speaking nonsense?" Tohsaka Rin was not the sort to miss something that intrigues her
"Well, I think that I can tell you how to make the tea, that isn't so hard. But... I can't really say anything about magic..."
"I get it; you don't wish to share. That is natural..." She can say a lie so well that a normal person would never guess it.
"Just let me think about how to do that... I need some time..." I can't put it into words what I do. Long ago, it got to the point that Mom and Dad couldn't track me anymore. I was relying less on magic as Tohsaka would know it, and more on my innate understanding of it. "I have no problems with showing. But... I am pretty bad. I think you know that."
"Well... Then I command you to tell me...! When you are ready. As for that tea... That man probably never taught it to me to leave me in pain. Damn him..."
"Sorry... I should have taught you the recipe sooner."
"I should have known it myself, so no more apologizing in my home. That mother of yours is many things, but she is a magus that would make the clock tower faint if they knew about her. I will not deny that I am learning things that even... my father did not know. Though she can not teach me the Tohsaka magic as Kirei could. So... I thank you for convincing your mother to be my tutor." She murmured her thanks. She had finished her tea.
"And... what about..." I had difficulty approaching the topic of a certain other girl. Since I do magic on my own, I don't know what they are doing over there.
"You're not one to be nervous to speak his mind. Is it something embarrassing, Emiya-kun? Perhaps you really do want to see my magic, just the two of us? Well, I won't-!" She had the wrong impression.
"How are you and Sakura? Is she doing well?" She is learning magic; even though I know she hates it. However, she has freedom so... she is continuing from her own will. I can't help but worry regardless.
"Oh..." A soft dark green tint came to the shadow on her face. The colour of uncertainty, but also jealousy. "Sakura...? She is fine. Her magic... I do not watch her. Your mother helps her, and it is not my business. She and I are not... Emiya-kun... Listen, Matou and Tohsaka are allies. But we are not friends...! and we never could be. ...That's just how it is... for magi. You are the one always trying to force it!" Her irritation built up, but it flowed only inside herself. Her words were sad.
Matou and Tohsaka are families. Families that are at the end of their line.
'What about Sakura and Rin?' I want to say, yet I don't. Instead, I find our hands again in the other's.
I can't say who moved first.
She wasn't arguing with me. She was battling herself — killing herself.
"It must be hard..." I understood her and her red visage. She is bleeding out her humanity in order to become something more.
"What? Don't pity me...!"
"I guess now I understand why you couldn't be my friend back then. ...I didn't understand magi for a long time... But I do now." Luvia, in the end, helped me to understand how magi think. That is enough to understand. Rin and Tohsaka are two people sharing a single body, and Tohsaka is killing Rin. To the point of physical sickness.
"...I know what it is like-" But that was the wrong words.
"Do you!? You are clueless. You know nothing! I need no friends! I should have had you in the first place. I will admit it: you are a weakness. But the first step to becoming strong is turning your weakness to strength." She smiled.
"So... a magus can only be friends if they have a contract?"
"Yes, that is how it is. Have a problem with that?" ...We were friends before the contract, but let's forget about that.
I wonder if Luvia would agree, and Sakura would definitely not. Ilya probably would.
Tohsaka wouldn't lie to me... she must really believe that that is how it should be. She isn't as interested in living a nice life as Mom is. She doesn't join in that like Sakura or Ilya.
For Tohsaka, every action has to have some practical reason behind it and a realistic goal at the end.
"Then I must have been really annoying you then..." I kept forcing her to talk to me on that bus, and I wanted to listen to her problems. It is my fault that we kept meeting.
A small voice is my response. "No... that's not... it. The only reason I'm keeping you around is to remind myself of that weakness and to squash it. So you are allowed." Only reason? I'm not so sure about that, but if that makes her happy... then that would be great.
"...Hah." Even if it sounds like it's at my expense, she is a difficult master, who pays nothing and expects much.
"You are sighing now? What, is the job too hard for you?"
"Being your servant? No. ...I don't dislike it. I am glad that I can help you." Even without some concrete thing like a contract, I feel like I would be following her orders anyway. I should be grateful that she gives anything in return considering.
"Good. It's an honour for you to be in my selective service. ...I'm going to buy a new lock so you can't barge into my sanctum anymore."
"I'd find a new way in. I only come when you are in trouble, I have a sense for that sort of thing."
"Well... Don't mess up then..."
Tohsaka always had some opinion or something to say. I knew that she was happy to talk to someone deep in her heart. Even if it was mostly her talking to herself and leaving me to comment on her own life. Even if on the outside she was thorny, on the inside, she didn't want to let go. She is very self-absorbed like that.
A contradiction that is tearing someone apart. '...How is that familiar...?'
We spoke and spoke until the shadows of darkness crept across the room as the sun fell. I'd stay until she wanted to let go, but it really did last a long time. She had me read and speak to her on all sorts of magical things, but most of it was way past me. Stuff like boundary fields applied flow of energy and restoration. I knew of things but had no idea of how to even go about doing.
Those things were as alien to my mind as a different language, yet projection, reinforcement and curses felt different... normal.
From the bed that day, I took care of her without a thought for anything else. Someone in front of me needed help, so of course, I would stay until they were saved.
When the sun hits the window and red fills the room, the conversations cease, and it is time to leave. I will make her a quick dinner and leave it in the fridge.
Though her hand still holds mine.
For moments we just say there look at the other. At some point, words lost their meaning. Indeed, I can't say what she must be thinking... maybe that being sick begets this sort of thing.
To me, speech had become a lesser thing to how I saw the world. The way I could see and hear her heart rising in beat, and flashes of emotion and truth.
I looked into her eyes and saw a fragility in them. Invisible to everyone but me — the real Tohsaka Rin. Her pink face said nothing as I left, but I feel a sense of loss none the same.
My hand lets go of hers, and I walk away. "See you later, Tohsaka... I'll leave everything as best I can." And I did. A nice bland soup, and a written note of tea recipes.
It's a funny feeling. Friendship makes me feel... fuzzy, almost. It's addicting. You never want it to leave you again. I never knew that friendship could be so... strong, but I don't know. I only just realized what it was.
A hand to hold... Did I do that a lot? ...My hands were cut; nobody ever wanted to hold them.
To be wanted is an infinitely more rewarding thing than to want.
Yet, life always places blocks in places you do not expect. Those who can not jump are carried off with the tide and drown.
...
The violet shadow that had come to the house on the top of the hill watched the boy leave the home she was forsaken from. He seemed almost happy and kept looking at his hand.
Negative feelings gripped her heart.
"Senpai never came to school today... What does Tohsaka have that I don't? Why does she think she can just take him like that? Unforgivable." And so the sickness spread on to a new host. She would never let it be said that Tohsaka had anything she didn't.
So do something about it~
She entered the dusty Matou house and began reading books she hated willingly for the first time.
Author's notes:
This was originally a part of one big chapter with the next, but it was getting too long, and it was better to put this out first.
In terms of Shirou's magic here, remember that he can analyse human beings as he is attuned to humanity due to Angra's influence on him. Combined with Avalon, Muramasa lineage and Saijo circuits, we have a melting pot of a magus whose magics are so unique he should be sealed on sight. Luckily he doesn't use it very much and at least has been taught not to show off, but Tohsaka is an exception because of his incredibly trusting nature.
Alright, the second part of this chapter and the finale should be coming around Christmas time.
This is about the limit in terms of a slice of life, and there should not be much more of that. I already said it in the text, but the everyday is important in that it is ordinary. So imagine a normal life, and that is about it. If I went into that, then that's a whole entire story that could be done. Fate/ Ha already did it anyway, but didn't have Kiri and Iri, so it's time to move on.
I'm sure you want to see my next act in this story, and are ready to move on. So I will soon. If you have been paying attention to the timeline, then you know we are drawing close to the end of an important thing.
Reviews are always appreciated very much.