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I don't own anything related to Fate/stay night; this is a work of parody.
Act Two, Finale: Last Piece
Kiritsugu came out one day while I training in the dojo. It had been so long since we did this together that I thought he's forgotten.
"Ahha... aahh." He ran out of breath doing the routine he taught me. I wasn't worried.
"Need a rest, Old Man?"
"Hah. Don't... think that... you can, hah... best me..." It was just like it was.
"Ha, you're right. And you are growing up well... Soon you are going to go through a growth spurt and that body of yours is going to have some strong muscles."
"Yeah, I hope..." I was so inadequate against that golden man. He was so tall and strong. I've been steadily training to become a hero, but I can't force my body to grow. Turns out reinforcement has no effect on that. That is the extent of magical experimentation I have done.
"Shirou... I wanted to say something."
"Yeah?" He seemed almost serious.
"If I... well, Look after Ilya. She's your sister... She looks up to you." His breath lingered. He didn't want to say more, yet he did with some push. "Don't worry... but... Just in case, I want you to come to my study... I mean... if you ever find yourself looking for help." He was awkward in this conflicted speech.
"Yeah... I'll look after her. old man. You don't have to worry about that." I don't know what he was getting at with the study. He is always working in there.
He smiled continued just like old times.
"Haha. Good, you are the Emiya successor." He looked at me with such pride that I felt complete. "Do you want to be that?"
"...I do."
"...Your mother would say no. She would try to stop you, but... I won't. Shirou, I was not a good man when I was younger. I was no different from the magi I told you about, selfish and self-absorbed. I lost many things, and you brought many things back to me. ...That's all I have to say. If you can be fine with a man like me, then I am glad to name you my heir."
"Your alright with me? Even over Ilya?" I may be older, but she is much more skilled.
"She doesn't want that. I want her to live a normal life without any... burdens from me."
I made a choice to pursue magic, while Ilya never did. That is the difference he has in mind.
And despite it all he looks at me like I will be the one who will look after her if he...
This is it. I don't need more than this. With the understanding and acceptance of this man, I don't have to be troubled with anything.
I am not the same boy who he started on this path. I am not the same boy who found a convenient Mom in the middle of a smoky park.
Yeah...
You were there when it counted.
"I forgive you, Emiya Kiritsugu. You saved me, after all." I had no conception of a life without him protecting me. I would be dead without him, so forgiving him is the most natural thing there is.
Winter went on until spring was nearly there. We all made the most out of it.
Playing in the snow, and sitting under the kotatsu. Irisviel played games, and Tohsaka was the same girl as ever. Sakura had gotten better recently, her cooking had improved greatly. Mom's cooking had improved... not at all, but that is just how she is. Ilya had reached the point she could talk to other students and be fine. Taiga apparently somehow getting full marks on her tests out of sheer luck.
The last days were spent having mindless fun.
Time was up before I knew it.
Kiritsugu didn't leave the house much anymore. Not going outside, he would just laze carelessly around the house. Recently he's left his study entirely, and spends all day with me, Ilya or Mom.
Though it was fun for us. It seemed like a big weight had left his shoulders as if there was no longer anything more he could do.
It was a night with a beautiful moon. I wasn't doing anything, just watching the moon with Kiritsugu. Even though it was winter, the weather wasn't cold. The corridor was only a little chilly, and it was a good night to enjoy the moon.
There was much to understand on these cold nights, and in all of our heads, I'm sure we were wondering about something extraordinary.
"When I was a child, I wanted to be a superhero." Suddenly. That man, himself a superhero in my child's eyes, said that as if yearning for it. I had spoken about this with Mom, and it seemed like ages since it was him and I.
"Did you give up?" I became angry and asked him. Kiritsugu laughed apologetically and looked up at the sky.
"Yes, unfortunately. Being a hero is a time-limited thing, and it becomes hard to call yourself that when you grow up. I wish I'd found that out earlier." I agreed with that. I didn't know why, but I thought it couldn't be wrong because Kiritsugu said so.
"Unfortunately, I was too naive back then to save him. I was useless." Mom added from his side. She, too, was looking to the mood with an inscrutable face.
"I see. Then I guess it couldn't be helped." My mind let go. There was no helping it then.
"Yeah. It really couldn't be helped." Kiritsugu answers. So of course, my response was determined.
"Yeah, it can't be helped, so I'll take your place. It's impossible since you're an adult, but it should be all right for me. Let me take on your dream." That was the decided answer. "...I'll make it come true-"
Before we could finish, our father laughed. He made a face like he didn't even need to hear the rest. After breathing in, Emiya Kiritsugu said... "Yeah, I'm relieved." He quietly closed his eyes. He looked so peaceful... It was not the first time I had come to see someone at such peace, perhaps that is why I didn't question it further.
Ilya spoke softly, "Sorry Papa... I can't follow that path." She didn't want to be a hero for everyone. "I just want the people I love to be happy."
Irisviel's eyes were distant and cold as the sky was that night. An unnatural feeling entered the air, and as Ilya's hand reached out to mine instinctually, a bitter cold took the air.
The home lost a certain lustre. "I shall take him to bed..." Without doing anything, I just looked up at the man who was my father, as he entered asleep. Mom took him away, and every step that fell between us felt like a long chasm that gave me unspeakable dread.
I thought to myself, 'I shouldn't let her go with him.'
Her parting words came from down the hall looking back at her children. "Take care of each other, okay? You two are hopeless without the other." She grinned a soft and completely normal smile for the first and last time.
And so Mom and Dad left beyond my sight.
I took Ilya's hand and we went to bed. Ilya was happy that night, still left behind in the echo of warmth.
It was very cold tonight, so... "Ilya, do you want to share the futon?" It was not uncommon for her to roll over until she was by my side, but we had never completely shared a futon. Perhaps only that first day.
"Are you sure, Onii-chan?"
"Why not? I'm not embarrassed anymore."
She rolled over and came to be with me. It was instant much warmer.
At this distance, an indescribable longing filled my heart. The prediction of loss before it occurs.
My eyes began to flicker, as something in my heart began to writhe.
Excited to be with me like this, she fully embraced me. "Haha, I love my Onii-chan...!" A look of horror took her face as she realized what she said, and in desperation to believe that I did not hear her she retreated into the futon. She was already in too deep, and could not simply jump out and run away from it. She whispered under the pillow, "but..."
How does he feel?
In her deepest fears, I hate her.
The truth is much worse than that.
I can't escape the emotion that is eating me. It is the worst, and most insidious one. Impossible to defeat.
I tried to throw it away, but that is folly.
...?
...?
...?
L...
LO..
LOV.
LOVE
There was no denying what has come to pass, or pushing away what is real. I have reached the natural end to these good days, and thus there would be no more miracle to see... no more everyday life I wanted to enjoy, for all that could be tasted had now come. For to an empty world, and an empty shell, if it all fills up and there is no longer any direction left to expand... all that remains is to explode, or nobly implode.
Love was the natural bookend.
This tale started with that and should end the same.
"Yeah, I love you too, Ilya." There is nothing to it. There is no power that can deny it, and in the end, even a mind of steel loses to it. An emotion that can never leave you, no matter how important it is to not feel it.
"..." Her hand rested on mine. She was happy at the very end.
And so an end to a dream came to be. As it has been, and always shall be: love triumphed over evil and all that is evil would fall to ruin.
I kiss her on the forehead and watch as she falls asleep in my arms.
"Sorry, Ilya..." All seven penalties lay crushed in my heart, and now the seven seals were broken. I held her hand tight, but the end would come despite this. Failure is the only name they will remember me as.
But still... I fell into sleep comfortable holding someone I loved. It was a regrettable end, as to think why did I not simply embrace her sooner?
There was only the last march left. The door was open, and it was time to take my leave.
Dreamenddischarger (Music) /zDPJuAxZaOo
"Are you awake?" And I awake from the light that was taking me, or... had taken me. Everything is numb, or cold, or distant, or perhaps not there at all. Her voice calls me from far away, and I wake to her hand on my cheek. No tears are shed, or anything really for a long time. I have already passed on for so long to endless rest, to the songs of what lay beyond life and into the unlimited cosmos. Emiya Kiritsugu is an old coat now, a name lost and now put back on. "Does my love return to me?"
Eventually, I speak, "I saw your dreams. Dreams of your loneliness. Of your life in the castle, waiting for my return… And other... older dreams." Dreams of a hollow world. Of a flame that never went out, clinging on forever like a parasite. "I dreamed a long sleep, of the future and past... I saw what you may have seen."
"..." She goes quiet.
"...You are not a murderer..."
"I am many things. Irisviel loves Kiritsugu; Irisviel shall be a great mother; we shall all be a family: they were the wishes made. That is me." Yes... she no longer spoke with lies and emotions built into her, she was no longer anything at all but emptiness itself. "...Because I am dead, I am addicted to the living who can give me what I seek. Love makes me real, it takes away all the rest. But I am a murderer, Kiritsugu. Do you know what I did to his family? I burned them alive. That day was me. I wanted to kill everything that day... I went along with the hate."
Irisviel's purpose... was to grant a wish, but before she could complete herself she was corrupted. Killed by that man, and the grail that awaited her was broken in the first place. "Maybe so. But I would never change it. I would not change it. I won't take away the one thing I saved. So all the bad... was not your fault." He was the only thing I ever saved with my own hands.
Born out of all my failures, I could save him.
"..." But now that my end has come, she has nothing more to hold onto and will fall.
She buried her face in my neck. "I won't stop now... I'll kill and kill without remorse. A wingless bird can only sing of emptiness and pain. So all that remains is my last song: a story with no more hope... But even now I am a coward, and I won't let you go. Please... stay the night with me. Don't leave me again..." Her hands stray across my body and hold on as if I will now disappear from her.
"So... what then? You'll keep me chained up to your side? Not even death will see me escape?"
"It's the only way... One other man lives like this already... so I know it works..." Another man... who should be dead? Another man drowned in the mud of that war. Kotomine Kirei. Kept alive past his time. I am not like him.
"This was just the final fragment of a life of regrets, a part of my story where I could live without restraints." A last peaceful piece I never deserved.
"Exactly, we can be together forever! If we just lose all those stupid morals and restraints! Join me in this, my love! Only then will all the things you wished for could come true!" Her enthusiasm was her suffering; for she desperately wanted to find some reason to go on.
Even her hope of evil selfishness was pointless... it was just... empty wind now, bereft of passion.
She was killing the spirit of her wish to keep going.
I have already lived that life. Where you kill your soul trying to grasp an impossible thing.
It is sad, that something ends; but it is far worse to drag on past your time. That is how magi become evil.
I made her a vow. To protect her... even if it is from herself. "No." I hold her wrists with a strength that is not natural to me. I am a wraith, holding on to life at her behest. "I will not forsake my promise."
Ilya... even if you will hate me forever, I will take it. Curse me if you will, but this is all that I can do for you now.
Shirou, I hope you can take my place... I hope you can reach the stars I never could. I know it was a foolish and stupid wish. She made me see that over and over again, yet... it truly was a beautiful one.
The same as hers. Eventually, we have to grow up and accept that our wishes can not be achieved. Dreaming is for the young, so it is right to leave them to prosper. This is all I can do now.
"Were you... born for me, Iri?"
"Yes... I was born to be your wife."
"Then leave to me now. Do you trust me?"
"I... want to, but I have been in this position once before." I killed her and Ilya that time.
This time... I have a similar, yet very different choice. "..."
I pushed her down and kept her there, looking deep into her red eyes. "Kiri...?" Perhaps it was not so bad to meet the end with one's love in one's arms. Her power over me was complete as she could push my heart to its end... yet she did not... for she did not want to lose me. An internal fight started in her own self and she didn't know what to do. "What is this?"
"It is our ending." I smile looking down at her.
The air, or more accurately, the unseen world began to stir. A light started blazing in my pocket, yet no fire that burned the real world would come out of it. She had neglected to take my clothes off when putting me here and did not sense the single weaponry I had always. It was what I had found in the place she told me to go... as if that was her message to me under all the words, to stop her lest she burns it all down. I would not forsake my family, even with the promise to save everyone else.
"Kiri...? I'm scared..." She felt it at that moment, as the device started to actualize and accumulate power.
The Blackmore spiritual weapon of that cemetery, to which I took that day back then. It's a funny thing as if that was her giving me the solution to her.
An anti-spirit magical bomb, strong enough to banish a spirit at the servant level. She wasn't even that anymore, her energy levels had lowered dramatically from that level.
The item that I had attained as the ultimate weapon to counter my own wife. She may be in a homunculus body, but she is just the spirit attached to it.
'Damn my suspiciousness...' I knew I was right, of course. She would not forgive herself if she allowed herself to become a beast in the end. So I would do my duty as a husband and love her even if that means the end. She could deny me at any moment, kill me once and for all... yet she didn't... she wasn't willing to live on without me there with her. She could stop the magic if she did that... but she didn't.
"I won't let go, I won't leave you alone... I will cut us now from the world." And I held her tight so that when the time came our souls could depart together, and perhaps be bound to the same fate. It was wrong to leave her all alone. "I made my vows, and I will not go back this one time... I can't betray my final act."
She tried to struggle out of my hold, "Curse you... Kiritsugu... Ugh..." But her strength was small, and as the light gleamed brighter, the darkness began to die. She began to fall into rest. "But... Hehe... Don't think that-" A clear silver kiss as the ringing light started to turn the world white. She smiled and laughed at me with cleared eyes, but that was it.
For she passed on in the same moment, and I followed...
That final smile. If only we could have realized it from the start. That love was all that really mattered.
Moonlight fills my vision and a distant white shore awaits.
With that, all the spread traces of the evils of the world were finally released into one.
All that remained on that silent night was a dark shadow marching across to the doorway. Irisviel Von Einzbern was no longer the familiar of Emiya Shirou.
And so all that he had created to fragment himself return to 0.
There was only one left.
One boy. Stomping across the unforgiving night.
I want to be born! The voices called. Come back!
They begged him to turn around.
But for the first time in a long time, the voices were starting to lose their volume. Closer and closer to the end, my head started to clear for the first time in ages.
Curses that don't exist. Lifes lost to the ages, things that should be left to lie.
"Shut up already... I won't turn my back." He also promised to be a hero and brother, and now a demon. Completely hopeless. "It's all I can promise..." Pushing on, passing a quiet and lost empty town. Fuyuki was dark, and no people could be found in the streets.
They must know that tonight is one night not to come out, lest the shadows eat them alive.
Turn Back! Turn Back! Turn Back! Turn Back!
I needed to...
I need to reach the top of it all. I need to cut out the source.
I run. I run. I run.
A stream, and a temple I was told not to go to.
I pass down paths and find myself in a cave before I know it. Time and space pass quickly and I don't recall walking. So I go.
I climb, and I crawl.
There was one conclusion left.
A light, a glowing light waiting to be grasped...
As I come closer, as I climb, I start losing things.
The thing that I had gained to hide. ...All the illusion came undone. No more lies.
The mirror within my mind.
The boy saw his selfish wish of a mother, and the purple girl saw the hope she secretly desired. Everyone saw what made them happy and let all the bad sift downstream into him. All of that suffering flowed to a certain place.
He was cursed. Selected out of luck.
The twisted randomness of fate.
The source of all evil~
The mirror breaks and no more reflection remains but for me, a boy with red hair with white patches. A crappy half-assed smile, and an immature yet pure heart; so foolish, yet with terrifying goodwill. That is me. Who I became. I run and the wind covers my step.
I will climb. The edge is there, and the horizon beyond it.
There is no need to go any further. The great spiral is there already, waiting to be taken, waiting to be broken.
Some things... must be broken in order to let other things come to be.
I feel out of breath in this body, as if it is no longer enough for where I am. "Hah... Hahaha... I...I..." I laugh at the spectacle of it. It is a huge shining light in the middle of the cavern. I can feel its pull on me, it wants me to come.
I climb to the edge and come over only to find someone waiting for me. That when my saint appears... "Ilya-sviel...?" Coming to me in her white dress, and so bright in the darkness. "How...?"
"...It's me." She is a white, pure thing to see me here in this land of shadow. She smiles and folds her hands as if to say a silent prayer.
"You are... how are you here?"
"Hehe. I am always with you, Onii-chan~ It seems I caught you in time."
"So you knew..."
"Of course. I knew from the first time I saw you. I know all about you, Onii-chan. But it never mattered, not as long as we were all happy together."
I am falling. I am turning nondescript, and am becoming unsure. I am afraid... so afraid of losing myself entirely.
I am Irisviel's son; I am Kiritsugu's son; I am Ilya's brother.
But... that is starting to feel as if it no longer enough. What... am I?
"Ilya... I am... I don't understand."
"It is a long story and one you have already witnessed for yourself. It is the tale of a miracle of heaven. Do you remember what happened back then? In that flame, a boy put his hand out to the sky, and the other fell into blackness. It wasn't fate, it was just the random circumstances of humanity that a boy would have a nightmare that night, and that would draw in the wish to be born. And so he did, he merged in something he was somehow attuned to... yet still, it was toxic. He was about to die when a man came and took his hand, and by another miracle, the boy lived even with that hollowness in him. Isn't that amazing? The fourth war failed in the most spectacular way possible, yet it gave birth to that boy. He could wear the disguise without effort, going on with his life the best he could. And he did, he became a truly beautiful thing." She smiles as if this is a happy thought. "Well, you should know the rest better than I... And now we are here, where heaven falls to earth."
"Then... all this time I really was..." It was not the park that Mom was stuck at, it was just that I could find her best there. Of course, since that wa the place that I met her. The place where my original house dissolved. I was the prison Irisviel spoke of that she needed to escape from. I was holding... No, not even that... All this time I am... "I am..."
She shook her head, "I said that there was a disguise, but to begin with, all that there was a formless being. Nothing can't turn into something, nor can it imitate something. Even if it takes shape using someone's body, it's still no more than nothing." And her eyes pierce me finally, and my body fully fades, "Even if he was to possess... Nay, assimilate someone, he would have no influence over the host. So even if it was a fake... his actions were unmistakably that of the real thing. Nothing could be done without its permission."
"Then... when it ends, what would happen to the real one? If the entire time was..."
"Everything shall go back to how it should be. Though, just because a wound disappears, does not mean that the scar won't remain. It has been a very long time he has had that wound after all..." Even she must not know. He should have died, yet survived and even thrived. It was one big contradiction that can't be understood. "He would wake up feeling a great sense of emptiness, but in the end, he has no choice but to move on."
"But..." But there is something that troubles me, how should I put it... "...It seems that... there is a genuine will, though." A real mind that wants to live for itself.
"That is not the will of 'nothing', after being assimilated into a body with a will, he is simply deluded into thinking it is his own. He shared so long that the body began to see itself as nothing, and the delusion became a shared belief. ...Even still, the personality is a fabrication, created using the person possessed as a sample."
But that is not right... He was...
"Then I am..."
He wasn't fake.
He simply didn't exist.
Whatever that had been burned in that night five years ago was nothing more than a shadow. Empty, colourless memories.
"...No. I'll acknowledge you. You are you, Angra Mainyu; and Shirou is Shirou. You may forget this right away, but I will remember it to the end. I will remember you brought this miracle to an end by your own will." It all fitted together. ...Perhaps not the why, but the what and the how. "It was cracking for a long time, and it is my responsibility to help you. The more you felt and saw, the less you could fake and as the unknown became known, all illusion was lost. But you couldn't stop, could you?"
That's right. The two of us couldn't do that.
The real one, who sought a better outcome always due to his warped personality.
The fake one, who simply wanted to see the new things of everyday life because it was fun.
Then there was nothing to it.
"Yeah..." A part of me finally let its breath out for the true first time.
"This is all I can do for you now. You were little more than an observer until now, but now you have been recognized as a person here in the hollowness. Even if you forget, I will remember." Her hands behind her back, she is a luminous angel. "It is my family's fault that you are here, so I deeply apologise. As the final master and Grail of the Einzbern, I shall bless you to face my hopeless mother." She curtsied.
"Then I have finally arrived here, at long last. Haha... Only to take my leave, but that it is fitting." I will go now, no point in waiting.
It is as she says. The end has come, and it is time that I exit the stage. "But did you have fun?" She asks playfully in her signature playful look.
"...Yeah. Thanks, Ilya." Not for what she did now, but for living and enjoying herself for my sake, even as she knew everything. She knew what I was... yet she loved that boy.
"You're welcome. It was a really amazing miracle, so there is no use in doing nothing with it." No lie corrupts her smiling face. The joy in it is overshadowed by how dazzling it is. "Is it almost over? Can you let go now? I can guide you as far as I can." I can't look into her light anymore.
"Haha! You are a true saint. Yes. With this, I've lost my last radiant thing." Nothing more will exist when I reach this gate. The Greater Grail itself... trying now to restart its wish.
I had more than plenty of fun. I do not need more to occur.
No matter how long these days go, I could have kept the contract going forwards, I could have them all enduring forever in a hollow world. No one would have to die in that.
And yet, I kept doing unnecessary things. Why? It can not just be the boy underneath. I was unwilling to live in a world without loss and without gain. I'm probably tired of this... That's all. it has to be that, or else... I might feel like throwing it all away now.
I stand at the edge, beyond is someplace outside this world. I am here at the edge of the Grail, where the void meets the Earth.
Suddenly, I'm wrapped in something warm. And when I realize it's someone's body... She whispers sadly, "You're so stubborn. You're allowed to cry at least once. ...And I wasn't ever a saint, just a selfish little sister."
The feelings I had frozen with so much effort are about to melt.
"...Why? There isn't anything worth crying over. There is nothing lost." It's only a matter of something that didn't exist in the first place returning to the hollowness it is meant for. A return to the cosmic order. This was the fleeting dream.
Even now, I am nothing but a black shadow lost to the night. Even she will forget, I know. And so I place her down, "This time you won't return to the grail, it won't accept you a second time." She says matter of factly. Yes... that will happen. I won't be accepted as a heroic spirit this time, the corruption has been cleansed. I never did accomplish ending the world this time. "Shirou and I are still in bed, so you don't have to worry. None of this is really happening." Figures. I could never exist in reality. I may as well be a dream of a boy traumatized by seeing things no child should have to see.
She invoked me in reality once, and nothing happened. The boy told her he was not me, because... I can never reach there truly, I could only watch.
I may be nothing more than an imaginary thing, and she may be a delusion too.
But... if Ilya can say that she recognises me, then that seems good enough for me.
It is time to let it go already, this is already far too sentimental. I'm bored.
I will not look back now, I will march back to my place where I belong. This ridiculous body continues to demand it.
Her hands recede, and she is not out of touch. "But... You will not be saved... no matter what." She must not understand.
The 'noble' solution. Rather than killing her or Sakura, I will cut out the source of their pain. Their roles as gates of the Holy Grail even closed could not handle the nearness to a thing like me for so long, and together they made the other worse.
The things that I treasure, all I can do is kill them.
I could live forever, but without these two who I have grown to love, it seems like a very boring prospect.
As a sacrifice, perhaps I can reach some point of value. "Die? No, Ilya. This is not the 'end', it is simply the act of 'not continuing'. If I stay here, it will be forever stagnant. ...I set out to make a miracle, and I have, but not for me... I will always be there, as a shadow on the wind, cursing all of humanity for their evil. For as long as humans continue to march on with hate, I will remain." Just out of sight, hated and meant to hate. I will always be dragged out as a corpse to act as their evil.
The fact that I will be missed leaves me with regret.
I will remember her touch as long as I can.
My selfish wish is now over.
Let illusions fall to dust, and fakes leave the stage. I am just an extra who's substituted up the act of the main character for far too long. It is about time that he has his role all to himself. That boy... I will go, and he will remain.
I filled that boy up to the point that he is not so empty anymore, he doesn't need me anymore. Perhaps he can accomplish what I could not and eliminate all human suffering, but I doubt it. It is a foolish ideal.
I am crushed as I push on into the realm of nothingness.
I do not fear for my crumbling limbs.
The only thing that frightens me is losing sight of those pieces I yearned for.
I don't want to lose the light and return to the monster that I was.
Now then. Time to go grant a single wish, in exchange for her dream.
Thus, I return to this place. An empty place. The outside of the world does not allow any being to exist or think as I'm doing right now. In my infinitely vast, yet consequently small nostalgic home, neither time nor space can exist. However...
Now, there seems to be something like coordinates here. Since I exist here like this, it's natural for there to be spatial positions. Those coordinates connect two points of light. The horizon exists, relying on the entrance and exit of the void.
"Aah."
I take a step forward.
The scene in front of my eyes makes my heart ache. The thing I must destroy. A one time only, miraculous mistake.
The Holy Grail, with only one blank space left within it. It has been keeping a small miracle going for this last year or so.
A home that could hold a woman who was no longer in the world. She could stay there beyond her own death or something like that.
The great puzzle is nearly aligned, a fantastical scene like a church's windows espands out. A reverse mirror that lays at the top of this universe.
No humans remain, only those things that exist only to grant their wishes.
As an enemy sharing the same wish yet hoping for a different result, she is protecting this Holy Grail. She is protecting herself, what a farce when the grail itself only accepts the wishes she likes.
"...Yo. Since it's been so long since we met in this form, I figure we have much to discuss." I stop.
This is as close as we're going to get to each other.
That's due to the emotional distance which separates us...
"Stop, Avenger. Stop, please. I can't let you go further. I will kill you if I have to..." Asking nicely then promising death, yes. This is a desperate woman I know well.
"That'd be a tad inconvenient for me. See, now that I've come here with this body, I can't go back. so there are only two options. We can either keep up this staring contest forever, or I get killed. Or maybe I kill you?"
"I will end you if need be."
" No reservations about killing someone that looks like me? Aren't you afraid that I'll run out of revives soon?"
"That won't happen. As long as there is empty space in this Holy Grail, you will be brought back to life without limit. I will continue to wish for resurrection before you can leave the stage." Still unseen developments, the still unseen future itself is your driving force. She wants to live out a full life as a normal person would. If you return down below and don't come here again, you can continue on forever!
Her reddish eyes show her irritation. "That's right. You can continue on forever, so why..."
I could, but... "I'm bored. You see, I really don't like the idea of what the future has in store for me. This tale is has been consulted from the start, I don't care to read past this point."
Her shock is clear, she thinks she knows me so well. Well, maybe there is a bit of a will there then. I have made my choice so far, may as well stick with it.
She still will not let me pass. "Leave this place. I will regain my strength now, I will regain all that has been lost. The grail... I will become the full grail now. I will replace Justeaze." This place is her's. No... it is her. It is waiting for her to take her place as its master. She will give up her will for power. "If you don't leave here, I will just remove you by force." Her unwavering hostility conveys that as it assails me.
"Man. Can't you step aside without us fighting?"
"Same to you. Do I need to kill you before you'll understand?" Geh, way to play dirty. You know I can't fight you.
I can't fight my own master.
"Judging by your tone, it seems that you still don't intend to give up. ...Avenger. I really don't understand what you are thinking. We can stay alive here. All the things you want are here... This is precisely the reality we wished for. So why? Why are you trying to do something that will kill you?"
"Speak for yourself. I was a void from the beginning. Makes no difference to me whether I live or die."
"It's the same for both of us. If this wish ends, then both you and I will disappear. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to die. I don't care about the world, the reality outside. Not if the ones I love can't all be in it. You don't want to return to the void you once were either, right...!? We tried so hard to get here, and now you are giving up at the first sign of difficulty!?" Childish logic. She bases her entire self on love for Kiritsugu, then falls apart as he leaves her again. I can't blame the girl, she is only about 14.
The Holy Grail rumbles.
Her feelings are a form of impact in themselves.
Half of this place is hers.
Even though I'm the driving force that keeps the Holy Grail spinning, she has the advantage when it comes to power. I lost the ability to destroy the Holy Grail with brute force a long time ago. Justeaze made sure to take a large part of me with her.
There's only one way to stop this wish.
She who refuses to let it stop, and my heart which in truth wants to agree with her...
I have to lower the curtains completely on both of those.
"Sure, 'course I want to continue living for a bit longer. But you know, I won't be satisfied if I don't right what's wrong. This wish is wrong, right? So I have to stop it. I'm a hero of justice, y'see." Dumbstruck, she stares at me. Believe me, the feeling's absolutely mutual.
"I can't believe it. I... can not believe this!? Even you?"
"Hmm... Yep, looks like I'm really sane and serious about this. Seriously, this kid's total monster." Kiritsugu at least gave up his dream when he came to face the curse of Angra Mainyu, but this kid? He lived with it for years and persevered through pure strength of will. Despite knowing humanity is inherently evil, he still wants to be a hero despite that. What can I say be he is crazy.
I shrug. But I can't help it. That's the kind of human I became, and that's the kind of human I've gone through these ordinary days as.
I couldn't agree with that way of thinking right until the end, but after steadfastly following through with it until today, I can at least accept it just this once.
Well, that's how it is. I really don't like it, but... I'm okay with one guy like that being around. A kid is fine to have his dream.
"Well, that's the gist of it, so won't you move aside? Let's put an end to that selfish wish of yours." I can't destroy it, but the grail will finally become inactive with my exit. I've been supporting a miracle all this time. The wish was so minuscule to the full power of the grail that it has not even impeded on its charging for the next war.
"No. Those aren't your real thoughts. That isn't your true self's wish. ...Don't act so brave! If you stop things here the real you won't be saved."
"...There never was a "real me" from the beginning, though. Well, whatever. Then, let me ask you instead. Why are you so dead set on holding onto this wish? Kiritsugu is gone now, it is not hard to see how this is going to go." Without him, what is even left of her?
She holds herself defensively. Her weakness is clear, she can't act as if she is me anymore now that I am here. The poor acting of a traumatized woman who couldn't move on after seeing hell itself, after being forsaken by her husband. After losing her family for the second time. "I-I have a plan, I can remake it all once more and bring Kiritsugu back to life! I will unlock the third magic, and all my children will be there and you and everyone will sit at the dinner table and smile. I just need more time..." …A sad and lost dream. One that we have already played out.
The greater grail has no one to answer any wish.
"Justeaze ended it. It seems she was disappointed in you as much as she was of me. There is no energy left for such a wish. You can't summon any heroic sacrifices."
"I-I will use the people! Enough humans to match seven heroes, I will have to…" And so it always comes back to that. Destroying the world, finishing the wish of the deprived priest.
"Kiritsugu would resent that. He would not recognise the woman that is here now. And by the scars across your form, it seems that he has forsaken you once more at the very end." In the end, time doesn't change the outcome, it only adds a delay. "Have you grown blind to what you wished for from the beginning?"
It was never built on top of the suffering of others.
"...Stop it. I've heard enough of your opinions. I am like this because of you! Don't talk so high and mighty while ignoring your own problems...! I know you! You don't even see me. Your eyes can't even see anything anymore!" The woman shakes her head. She refuses to discard her wish. Like a child throwing a tantrum, believing that everything will really end if she loses the argument here. "It's not just your eyes. You can't even see yourself. I don't want to die either. But your regret has to be incomparable to mine. You wanted to just have fun forever. You didn't even want to fill in the gaps to the truth. Because you knew that you would return to the void. And yet you kept those ordinary days moving. You filled up his mind, but for you, that means..." She really is dense. Like I keep saying, I'm bored of that stuff. "I can't see? What about you? Can you see me properly? ...I only see a shadow. You are already fading away into nothingness."
"You're right. That's how it should be. Don't be mistaken, Master. This body, this character, was born by wearing the shell of Emiya Shirou. I'm nothingness to begin with. I don't have attachments or regrets. I was just a thing that couldn't think or do anything from the start."
That's why it's of no concern to me if I return to the void.
"NO! Continue granting my wish, Avenger...! Even if you're tired of it, even if you can no longer create any more new possibilities, if you are telling me to continue going on alone I'll do it...! I won't give up for an eternity!"
She is traumatized by death by murder, but more than that she lost her chance at love. Her hopes were inflamed as long as I kept with her, trying to fulfil her wish alongside her. She saw all the people who died that day, she felt them burn.
A traumatized little girl, I certainly understand her pain.
Keep our wish alive! Go on forever!
"You just don't know when to quit. Sorry, but that's one wish I can't grant. Let's quit wasting time here." I move forwards.
What a joke. In the end, Irisviel didn't even try to stop me. In short, she is so angry because, "...Stop. You're still moving forward, even though you know you'll return to being a corpse? You don't need to go… you could stay here. Make a new world inside the holy grail. I bet you could do it, stop time here and we could relive these days forever... Nothing would be lost! Help me for once!" And yet nothing would ever be gained. It's this obstructive thought that's continuing the wish. If I so much as said the word, then it could have already broken long ago. Because… "Didn't you enjoy yourself...? I did. I was given a chance to right the wrongs of my life… I loved them… I loved all of you like children. It was the greatest time in my life." Then the rest is simple. I'm already tired of this, so I just need to put my obvious conclusion into words. "...In the end, that pain was the joy of living. I know you don't want to return to that void... We had the same wish, Angra Mainyu…! So I know you! I am like a mother to you!"
No, I would not lump her into that catergory.
"...I had a mother once, she cut my tongue out. Listen, I am bored now, so that is over." A dream that has passed. I filled all the gaps inside of his mind, so… For the sake of something new... Life deserves to live on its own accord. A boy... deserves to have a free mind. "Might as well at least see how it ends."
Last Piece (Music) /ne89qCOYIRg
A spiral that has spun many times, forming order out of chaos. It clicks into place, and my mind finally aligns to a single wish. The puzzle is complete.
The crystallization of an ongoing miracle, built up over years... It rightly shatters. As if it too had come to the same conclusion.
The last connection between me and him breaks. A boys mind that had been broken, he needed something to cling to no matter what it was. An imaginary friend, a story, all the wishes he had lost. An embrace that healed what was lost. He sought for a mother, and found it. He sought for the answers and found it.
So... he should be fine.
"Aah," The tension disappeared. Her breath was free. Finally free… What a shame. I can't see what expression she's making now. A sliver of light is all that remains. "You really are..."
"Give it up. With this, I'll vanish without a trace. No matter what either of us wishes for. No one is listening to your song anymore."
A voice that asks, "Why? The grail will stay... it still persists... We could..." Geez. I explained it all just now, so what's she askin' me for? "Well, of course, it'll collapse. Without a master or a wish, a big thing like this will have no purpose left. Weren't you going to do something about that?" She can be an airhead and a buffer. She never had any magical solution to solve all this.
"Why? To become nothing is to become '0', right? You said that as long as there is nothingness, you can live forever..."
"That's only as long as there's a '1'. There's nothing that's born out of complete nothingness..." 1" uses "0" as an empty space to flow through. But if "1" doesn't exist, then "0" can't become anything at all." And there is no concept of "1" inside me. Everything flows through the void. But the void never partakes in those new events. I am but a reflection of that 1.
"...I see. So this is the end. I experienced so many events. I did the best I could with the time I had, yet I feel like I have changed nothing." A gentle voice. "I could never get everything I wanted."
The contention is gone. There is nothing left to fight for. She is a little afraid, but as she had experienced 'death' once before, it is simply a long time coming.
"Well... you were not much greater than an illusion at most points, it's natural that you can't change things so easily. The world of man always corrects itself." There was always a balance. I wonder, how he will move into the future now... Can he really forge his own path?
Emiya Shirou would probably take on that ideal of his no matter what he was told, and Emiya Kiritsugu would likely never live past five years after that curse drained him. Some things are set in stone.
Though her influence is not to be understated: the world will be different without a doubt.
"...Avenger? What is it?"
I shake my... oh, I don't have a head anymore. "No, I was just thinking to myself. More importantly, what's happening to the Holy Grail?" Why are we still here? I can't see anything.
"...It won't last long, I think. Cracks are running along its surface at several places. Soon it will simply revert to chaos, its purpose will only be to take in energy for next time." I see. Relics of the past will pass on. New ones will come. The next line of heroes sent up for the slaughter.
It will be the next generation who will have their chance to ruin their lives with a war. But... that has nothing to do with me.
In that case, this body should be satisfied as well. "Stupid monster. You really are insane."
Just once, I saw the dream of a stupid man. Unfortunately, his way of life makes me want to hurl, but I'm grateful that I had the chance to become that warped human being's son.
A way of living completely opposite to mine.
The form of an ideal that everyone dreams of and eventually discards once they decide its hypocrisy is evil. That foolish naivety I probably yearned for it at least once. ...So it wasn't surprising when the boy inside took that onto himself as a guiding principle.
I can't claim zero responsibility for it, but that boy's mind really did end up messed up. Humans aren't meant to survive that curse and not become corpses. It's entire purpose is to be a human-killing agent, destroying them from the inside. Not only was he undamaged, he learned how to live with it.
"All right. Come on, let's get back to our respective places, Master. I completed it for this. Gotta make sure it all disappears nice and tidy in the end." It would be a shame to flow out and burn the town down again after all this drama.
"...Avenger. You say return to our respective places, but what am I supposed to do? If the grail is to fall..."
"You don't have to follow me that far. Look, you take the entrance there, and I'll take the exit in the other direction. That'll be our final farewell."
I point towards the horizon.
The entrance is the world after this. In other words, the fifth day.
The exit is the world before this. In other words, the void.
"Huh? Why? I am..." Irisviel asks in surprise. She is dead? Nah. Not really.
It shouldn't need to be said, though. "You should know better than me: life is inside the soul, not the body. If you go back now, perhaps you can make it in time to find that man. The grail sifts the souls of those that are heroes, perhaps there is a chance?"
"Ah." I imagine she must be seeing it now. Something she really should have figured out before.
"The grail is your home, so you are not dead by becoming it. As you said to Shirou back then, you were simply stuck. Waiting to return." That's right. The wishes of the dead cannot be granted. It is always the breath of life that causes things to happen. Her body died, but her wish never did, her ideals never were extinguished.
Even if the deceased were to be granted life once again, without a doubt, the dead cannot bring back the dead. The Holy Grail itself could not grant its own wish, but I could. Wasn't that the first thing I was told her? The only ones that can ever call forth a miracle are the living. Did I forget to say that...? Ah, whatever.
"You made a promise to him, 'not even in death do we part' I figure it would be a shame to not even have a chance to keep it. Though it will be next to impossible. I think people should be given a chance at things."
"It seems that everything is complicated when you are involved..."
"I admit it, I enjoyed watching you squirm." Desperation I did not understand until the very end.
"It's unbecoming of a son to see his mother in such a way…Haha." A laugh. A gentle one, one that she must have had before we met.
I imagine she smiles at me. She looks at me as if he and I are the same...
And that is...
I can still imagine that smile.
In the end, that vicious curse is nothing but a person's own fears. If one simply no longer has anything to fear, it means nothing. I hear something. For a place that should have hurried off to take its curtain call and dissolve away, it's doing pretty well to hang in there for us.
"Hurry it up already, your dear Kiritsugu may pass out of reach soon. If you want to take your place as the new Greater Grail, then do it."
I can't pass judgment on living beings running through the present, anyway.
All life is without receiving any reward, in order to have their value acknowledged by those that follow after them. My lovely Master seems to have begun gazing at the distant entrance that lies at the root of this place. "Don't worry about me, it's only a matter of time... He will hear my gentle song, and return home." From her perch as the Greater Holy Grail, she will look amongst the infinite souls looking for a single one.
It may sound absurd, but somehow I think that Kiritsugu has to escape a little further than death to get away from her.
...
That was the best farewell I could wish for.
Looks like I enjoyed this relationship of ours. It was certainly complicated…
That's why I wanted a farewell like this at the very end. "Oops, the chitchat ends here. I don't really mind if you don't go, though. I'll be taking my leave first."
"Don't worry. I have somewhere to be too, but... there is one question that I never asked." She sounds nervous. Wondering what she could possibly be holding back at this late hour, I tilt my head in curiosity...
"Was... I, umm... a good mother?" An awkward question indeed.
"...Yeah, you weren't so bad. That self-loathing of yours, always trying to make yourself better for others... That hopeless yet unstoppable attitude of yours will carry on to those kids. They learned much more than magic from you, but it might be some time for them to realize that. You lived selfishly in a selfless way, I didn't get it for a long time. You're a fine lass."
"Not for someone else's sake, you mean? Someone had to do it in a family of fools."
"That's right. Leave that kind of thing to people who can afford it."
"...I totally agree! They never listen!" Humans never do.
"That's my girl. Well then, shall we go our separate ways at the same time?"
"Yes. ...I fear that I am not a fan of losing things, so do not look back unless you want an inescapable hug. " That sounded worse than any slap could be.
We never lived life split up as two, side by side.
She speaks with a bright voice. At the very end, I accomplish what I couldn't before.
"...You think that'll work? Do I even have a back?"
"You do. Now turn around."
We're back to back now. I don't feel any sensation of contact, but I'm sure she's behind me. I can no longer feel warmth or anything else for that matter, but my joy-filled heart is still alive and working. "Guess I do. Well, I'm off."
"You're so impatient. Since we've come this far, let's start off at the same time. We'll start running after a three-second countdown."
"Fine."
3."You know, I really was looking forwards to grandkids..." Considering all the girls that she kept trying to tie the boy to, I believe her.
2. "Who knows? The future is yet unwritten."
1. "Yeah. It's just a matter of believing in a good one!" Her voice propels a final burst of energy in me.
0.
We run.
One towards the light that connects heaven and earth, and the other towards the nothingness.
There is no trace of the happiness ■ felt from behind ■■.
...■ hear a crumbling sound.
That sound will also probably return to the void soon.
Not hurriedly, just at an average pace right until the end.
■ would have felt the wind on my face a few hours ago, but now ■ no longer receive such external information.
Sooner or later these thoughts will chip away as well.
The tremors that can just barely be heard are merely the sound of everything crumbling down now.
In that case, this sound must be something happening inside ■■.
If ■ remember right, the exit was over there.
■ should have properly checked when ■ could still see.
Within the sound of the fluttering fragments, ■ hear the commotion ■ once went through.
■■ legs are on the verge of stopping, but ■ keep them moving.
■ hear the sound of lives blooming everywhere, and see the sunny spot where ■ once was.
■■ legs are on the verge of stopping, but ■ keep them moving.
■ head towards the exit.
With unseeing eyes, ■ run through the midst of the fragments of those ordinary days that ■ yearned for more than ■■ own annihilation.
■■ first memories were of Kiritsugu, he taught ■■ how to live even as a broken thing.
Taiga was the first to take ■■ hand and pull ■■ into the present.
Irisviel was there to aim ■■ in the right direction, and ■ forged my own path.
■ met Sakura at the playground, the first thing thought was why could a girl be so captivating and yet so sad?
■ met Tohsaka on the bus, she was the sort of girl ■ liked from the moment ■ met her.
Ilya saw through ■■ from the start, and her unrepentant love would be ■■ ending.
■ had been many things at many times to many people: a wife, a son, a friend, and a mother. Perhaps even playing a daughter and sister when Sakura did not wish not to be herself.
Rin's commanding voice, Sakura earnest cooking, Ilya's radiant smile... The freshly swept floor by Sella's broom, the music of trees bathing under a fall storm. Kiritsugu's precious sorrow, and Irisviel's hollow euphoria, and all the emotions between.
It was all nice. They are all... genuine memories, and that is why they will now fizzle out and burn away.
■ just wanted to see something new.
...Just like how ■■ previous self wished for her revival, ■ wanted to know even one more of those many ordinary days. Even if that meant returning to being ■■.
While knowing that death was ten seconds away, ■ sought the light one second after.
■ run. ■ run. ■ run.
There is no distance in this void.
If ■ don't walk towards it and struggle on to reach it, then ■ won't reach it for eternity. ■ lost sight of the light of the exit when ■■ sight returned to the void.
There is nowhere for ■■ to go now that ■ have returned to the void whence ■ came.
Aah, but even so. Against these closed eyelids, it feels dazzling. A bright place.
Even while collapsing, the world continues to revolve.
■ feel grateful and glad for the time I have spent.
■ bid farewell to the people who were with ■■.
Thank goodness. It seems there's an exit even for someone like ■■.
Yet, not an end. "There's a difference between ending and not continuing," ■■ previous self said.
If ■ borrow the hope in those words, it seems that by ending, ■ can finally see the continuation. ■ won't come to a halt and remain stopped forever here. I may see... he who no longer needs me.
Even if ■ disappear, ■ will aim for what lies next.
For that reason, ■ filled up the void that composed ■■, and completed a single picture.
For that reason, ■ will return to the void that is ■■, and complete the picture of the world.
Though ■ can no longer see that picture.
■ hope that this picture will be beautiful to everyone.
■ run. ■ hope this will be a good place.
The stars shine. The destination is certain. This torn-apart body is only moving forward through willpower.
It's alright, there's nothing that can't be reached. Even if the things ■ dreamed of stop and lose their light.
They feel dazzling to ■■ eyes.
Lastly, ■ say goodbye to ■■ current self.
Now then, let's go see the continuation of the end. ■ know that it's just ■■ imagination and that it isn't such a good place, but for now, ■ walk towards that dazzling light.
(Music Stop)
The continuation of a dream.
A place that lies in the tiny sliver of light of the horizon, and is both fake and real. No trace of will yet remained now, for it now served a new purpose.
A broken mind, now complete. A repaired puzzle.
A fake made real.
A forgery of something that didn't exist, thus: an original.
The imagination of a boy who had all the evils of the world imprinted into him. Such a mind would be distorted and twisted to the worst degree, turning its will into reality as if that was simply normal. A mind used to agony was suddenly let free of it. Left with only that which it had built up itself. Nothing was lost. And as the boy slept his heart changed. Both the girl and he had not moved at all, they slept side and despite both having difficult dreams they would not rouse.
A soul that had become used to shouldering the burden of more than itself. Even if it was 0 truly, it was always 1 to him. A phantom pain that existed for so long that the expectation was that it was real.
And so with that sudden loss, an inner world inside himself took its place and filled up all the hollowness.
No one expected that strength. No one expected he would survive, and thus no one would ever know that insanity of it.
That which lost, and that which was yet to be gained.
It sparked and exploded inside him, that which was a personal dream coalesced and expanded into something much more.
An entire place of existence built of fake things. A kingdom of swords and steel, curses and delusions.
Raging mud, flowing like lava across the ground, crying out to any that would hear. Stacks of swords melt, yet the steel only strengthens under the heat. It is the hottest forge, built in a place outside of truth.
Steel is his body, and curses are his blood. He will create over a thousand blades, yet those hands will never hold anything.
A vast plain, and the black river flowing down it. In the middle of it all: a hill. Peaceful air, a cool wind. A green sky, full of radiant stars. They shine down onto the brilliant sword impaled in stone, an ever-distant utopia, so close as if inviting, yet narrowly out of reach.
There is no distinction made between mountain and hill, it is one and the same now.
An exquisite place that could even be yearned for, like a captivating and perfect picture that only exists in one's mind.
A tranquil place.
The voices of people, just out of sight. Crying, yet also laughter. Murder, yet also marriage. Hate, yet also love.
Entire lives are there, flickering in and out as fast as the river flows over the horizon.
The murmur of evil and good mixed as one, leaving a single nearly distant gentle song.
The remote melody of humanity.
A setting with sounds full of life, yet it is empty, if not for one.
Unaware of loss, nor aware of gain: A boy sitting on his hill under the sun, endlessly seeking the route to the stars.
.
.
.
.
.
Act Two End.
Author's notes:
That's the end of the story. Nope. Nothing past this... Well, alright maybe we still have a lot to go. I have finally finished Shirou's backstory, after 30 chapters and 300k words or so. Now we can get to the actual story.
Let us all say a prayer for the end of Irisviel, Kiritsugu. And to Angra Mainyu who is simply not continuing.
I will be going back and cleaning up older chapters to meet better grammar standards and such. I've got no beta reader so I am doing it by myself, I ask for a little leeway in that regard.
Now for survey time: What I would like to ask now is how you feel about the first two acts? Do you think I ended it too abruptly? What do you want to see going forwards?
I think I will put an explanation to this confusing story in one of the author's notes later, but right now I am too tired to do that. Half the fun is that it is left up to your interpretations.
I will do a time skip soon. Act 3 as I start the direct build-up of the 5th HGW and bring all character arcs together. Tsukihime characters will show up, and probably not the ones you may expect. Read my other story if you have not, but you don't have to in order to understand this one. If you have never read Tsukihime then please do, but you can probably get by with a visit to the character page wikis.
Feedback and reviews are always welcome!