AN: Thank you all, I have the loveliest readers! Alrighty, let's keep this story going. Things are going to start becoming a little clearer to Bella now. Another one from her POV but the next one will likely find us back in Carlisle's head. As always, I so look forward to your reviews : )

Bella's POV

Could it be that simple? A hope, so desperate it clawed at my chest, sure seemed to think so. But the rest of me remained unconvinced, my mind listing reason after reason to cast doubt on what Esme had just finished telling me. I was no expert on love. I had never loved someone as I did Edward. And my parents were by no means shining examples of a normal relationship. But despite my lack of experience, I was pretty sure it wasn't common practice to abandon someone you love. To leave them stumbling through the woods. Stumbling through months of a depressed fog. If it was true that Edward still loved me, what could possibly have driven him to say such biting words in order to get away from me?

The worst part was that despite all that, I had never wanted anything as badly as I wanted Esme's words to be true. Beneath the layers of anger, confusion, and desperation that I had been cloaked in all fall, remained the love I felt for him. Wasn't there a saying, something about love being the source of all grief? It felt as though no matter how upset I got, my world remained anchored to his. It was impossible to tell where the grief ended and the love began. Like no matter what I tried, our lives were so intertwined that in his absence I couldn't do more than go through the motions. And on the off chance that what Esme said was true, what did that mean for Edward and I now? Even if I loved him still and was desperate to feel complete once again, I knew my anger would not disappear on its own. In that moment, it felt like I would never be able to sort through the delicate balance of emotions that coursed through me.

The internal conflict must have been obvious on my face if not by the weight of the silence that followed Esme's words. Carlisle slowly lifted his head and the devastation on his face made my stomach clench inexplicably. The entire family had the impeccable ability to hide any emotions that swelled beneath the surface; but he made no attempt to do so now. Seeing such a raw display of pain in his eyes brought fresh tears to the corners of my own.

I scrambled to find excuses to disprove Esme's words. Maybe I was just afraid of believing them too quickly only to have my hopes dashed later on. "But you didn't hear his voice. You weren't there to see how he looked at me. To be honest, it never did make sense to me. How could I have possibly held his interest? So when he said just as much to me that day in the woods, every doubt I ever had rang true. I may have lost a lot but he made it clear that he was hardly losing anything by leaving. Just one simple human among thousands. A distraction like any other."

While my chest was still hollow, my stomach had tied itself into knots. I felt nauseous.

Carlisle spoke, "I know you have no reason to trust us, not after what we did to you." I wanted to stop him there and say it wasn't their fault. But he must have known where my thoughts would go for he continued on before I could interrupt him, "Because it is all of our fault, not just my son's. I could have stopped him. We could have refused his appeal to leave. We could have come back. All I can hope for is the chance for us to explain. It was a wretched thing to underestimate you as we did, and for that I will be eternally sorry."

My hands began to rub the tears away, my fingers pressing into the corners of my eyes in a fruitless attempt to stop crying, but each drop slipped out regardless. Carlisle pulled a cotton handkerchief from his pocket and held it out to me, a mannerism leftover from a different era.

"Bella, did Edward ever explain to you what happens when a vampire meets their mate?"

His sudden change of subject surprised me. I caught a glimpse of a small knowing smile as it flickered across Esme's face in front of me before she stood up and went to sit on the arm of Carlisle's chair.

"Not really. It always felt as though as soon as we talked more seriously about our relationship he would try to take a step back."

Carlisle sighed and nodded in understanding. He paused for a moment, gauging my reaction perhaps, before continuing on with his explanation. "When a person is changed into a vampire, the venom replaces every living cell in the body. In many ways, it is as though the person becomes frozen in time. Unchanging. But it is not exactly the body itself that freezes. For instance, as vampires, if we are injured, the venom can heal whatever injury we have sustained. And our brains are constantly evolving as we take in more and more new information. No, what becomes frozen in time is what I suppose you could call our 'essence'. The essence of who we are at the moment of our transformation solidifies, and almost nothing can alter it from that point on."

"If I'm not mistaken, you have yet to learn about Jasper's history? I am sure he will share the details of it with you someday. It is, after all, his story to tell. Not mine. But it is a good example of what I mean to communicate. Before his change, his life revolved around war. And after his transformation, that essential part of him continued. Not only that, it was encouraged and cultivated to the point that it became all he knew. That's why it has been a longer struggle for him to adopt our way of life. Every second of every day he is fighting against his own essence."

"Now, one of the few things that does have the ability to alter a vampire's essence, or core, is meeting his or her mate. It is not an instantaneous thing, not what you would call 'love at first sight'. It is something that strengthens over time. But once that connection has been formed, it is irreversible. The vampires in question are permanently transformed. It is almost as though each separate essence becomes intertwined with the other, knit together so intrinsically that if one is ripped away, it tears apart the stitches of the one it left behind."

I sat riveted to the spot, my tears long since dried. Of course his description of what happens when two mates are separated made perfect sense to me. The image of knitted stitches torn apart created a visceral reaction in my chest, where my own woven stitches had been left as little more than tattered scraps. My good arm automatically came up and wrapped itself around my torso, a muscle memory, a mindless attempt to keep the rest of the stitches from unraveling in a heap of wool at my feet.

Carlisle watched me, studying my reaction before inquiring in barely more than a whisper, "I am willing to bet you have an intimate understanding of what I am trying to illustrate?"

My head bobbed up and down in a slow nod. My eyes remained fixed on the tender expression he now wore.

"Bella, you are Edward's mate. As he is yours. When Edward approached me and said he wanted to leave Forks, I warned him about the consequences of such a rupture between two mates. He already knew, of course, what that would mean for him. But he hoped that as you were still human, that the bond was not as strong for you. That your pain would be that of a human separation. Aching, but bearable. I doubted that to be true. And seeing you now I know I was correct in my thinking. You may not have venom coursing through you but your essence wove itself together with his long ago. But I failed to convince him. And for that I must apologize to you once again. I am sorry I did not do more to protect you. I am sorry I let him underestimate you."

In my attempts to keep from crying I could feel my body begin to tremble. An onlooker might think I were cold if it weren't for the crackling fire mere feet in front of me. Carlisle's explanation had a cascade of effects on me. I felt validated. My inability to function these last few months was not due to a weakness on my part. It was not my fault. The way he explained it, there had literally been entire parts of me missing. I hadn't just imagined it that way. Oh God, it was not my fault. I was not crazy. I was hurting. And incomplete.