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I don't own anything related to Fate/stay night; this is a work of parody.
Act Three: This Illusion
Ilyasviel:suite (Music) /kHQ_L_bA2gY
"Onii-chan... please..." The morning after was a nightmare.
He gave off no warmth; he wasn't the same hot water bottle anymore. Cold to the touch, not dead, closer to being in the act of drowning. How long would it take for him to rise up to the surface? Ilyasviel was being selfish, trying to have him be responsible for her sadness, and hated that she had made it like that.
"You're awake..." I wanted him to hold me, yet he didn't even seem to recognize me. I tried to forget reality, yet all I found was a stark reminder of it.
Just like Mommy, like Daddy, Shirou wouldn't respond.
Even though he was awake, and his heart and his breathing came up and down... "..." He was distant, lost. Impossible to see through magically or otherwise.
And no amount of shaking was going to bring him back.
That first day was done in a flash. Not really; it was actually horrifyingly slow. Every minute was torture.
Fujimura and the maids came and dealt with the bodies, but I couldn't even move. I wouldn't leave Onii-chan.
Yet even when he finally spoke, it didn't feel right.
"It's time for lunch..."
"Onii-chan...!" I hugged him tight and buried my tears into him. I was so glad in that moment that I swore to God that I would be fine if Shirou could now be here with me.
God was not so forgiving.
"It's time for dinner, Ilya. I'm going to make tempura like Mom would like it. " His voice was fake. It was like reciting old memories, and then he would go and do exactly that while ignoring everything else.
Every word out of his mouth was a spear through my heart.
I hoped that the second day would be different. My hope was crushed again. There was no distinction in his eyes when he was awake or asleep.
A hole in my heart formed. An abscess forms when something hollows out, and that did happen. 'Onii-chan is dead', Once an idea like that forms, it is too late.
The truth was so painful that I couldn't bear to look.
He walked and talked. Indeed, on the surface, it was a perfect recreation. But sometimes, it was like he was responding to you a minute behind or would simply go silent for a time as if turned off and needing to charge.
He had broken when Mom and Dad died. He was gone to a place I couldn't follow.
It wasn't an affliction that was unknown to me; in the Einzbern family, Homonculi could become like this. It happens when their mind, body and soul can no longer recognize the others as a whole. Once that starts, it ends in degradation.
A walking corpse, as the body goes on without anything behind it.
I was so afraid. I felt that everyone I love died, and he is left behind as an effigy to curse me. I tried everything to make him wake up, but it did not work.
Magic, or otherwise. I kissed him on the lips for the first time, but nothing... my prince did not wake, he did not even notice. My spirit began to pass on too.
He had saved me... I no longer felt the tug of the spirit that Shirou had in him. Something dense enough that it was causing me to take its magical excess in, slowly turning me into a cup.
But now it was gone. His soul was awfully thin.
He was despondent. The hearth that he once was gone and being close to him was now cold. It was more freezing with him than without.
Before, it was like being next to a warm flame; now, that is done.
Every day was torture. I tried, I did.
I gave it a try, and yet... a limit is reached. The limitation to which Emiya Ilya could survive as a person. Losing everything she loves, she drowns herself.
I gave it a week; I was the one who couldn't go on anymore. Every meal tasted bland, no matter the skill that the maids had. Shirou didn't want to cook anymore. He just lost his thoughts and stared at the pots and pans with weak eyes. His muscle memory had lapsed, and it could be that at any moment, he would even forget the act of breathing.
It had become spring. Yet...
The warmth that coursed through the house — the warmth that made even the winter comfortable — had in a single moment — been mercilessly wiped out. For the first time, the Emiya house was cold.
Apathetic. I sat alone, asking the white moon for answers, and faced the reality that I had been such a pain. This act... ends.
And thus, when Shirou needs a big sister to be there for him most... I abandon him. The cold takes my heart, and I run. I ran away so the tears would stop. I couldn't bear to cry next to his uncaring dark eyes anymore.
So... it is natural to leave. It is right to cut loose. Not for me, but for him... I am dragging whatever is left of him down with me. All of a sudden, I was expected to be the responsible one. But... I can't. I can't be his big sister. I simply can't. A little sister, one that was dependent on him and could hide in the happy illusion of innocence that is all I could be. He has others: Sakura will stick by him; Rin can keep him busy.
No one ever said I was the one left to pick up all the pieces. I couldn't take it; I refused to talk to Taiga, Sakura, Tohsaka. I was done with that. I couldn't care less anymore; the wall was suddenly the only thing I could tolerate seeing.
It was after a day that saw Shirou forgot how to eat; heat he spent in that shed creating bowl after bowl. I couldn't bear to watch a second more.
Shirou walked out of the house. He did that still. He even went to the school and to Tohsaka's house. Yet I couldn't take it. I can't be the one to heal his shattered heart.
"Sella, Liz..." I called my maids forwards.
"Ojou-sama." They, too, had let their guards down. It happened so fast that they were lost in the chaos.
Mom and Dad are dead. I feel sick. I excise that thought from my mind like cancer. I was done with it. "Sella, I want to leave now," I said sadly, coming into the kitchen.
"...Yes, where do you wish to go, Ojou-sama?"
Where? Anywhere but here, I couldn't bear it. I was weak. It's only because he accepted me that I could, and now that is gone...
I'm horrible, but that drives me even more to want to run away. I'm too awful for this place. "It's time to go back..." I sighed. Back to the cold. Back to regret and sadness, and loneliness: "back to that place."
If my warmth is gone, then my responsibility is all that remains. I am the head of the Einzbern now, and those left still need direction. The mansion should be all repaired by now. I will serve my role and nothing more.
"...Of course, Ojou-sama. What of Emiya-sama, should we prepare his items as well?"
No... the entire point is not to leave here. It is to leave him. Let him forget that which has left him like this.
He will lead a new life, probably forgetting magic. He never cared about magic, so now he should be free. Let him be free.
"...My family is gone. Treat them as such." My voice now matched the chilly air. You can survive suffering if only by learning to live within it.
I want to believe he will be better without me, but I know that is just my selfish, self-serving delusion.
I am abandoning him when he needs me most.
"Ojou-sama, we will do as you command." Sella relented. "We live to serve you." Her words sound out as if she was the one who needed convincing.
But... "Run away lead to nothing," Liz stated deadpanned.
My rage returns at her.
"Failures don't know anything! You think I don't know better! Ship up already!" The deed was done. The pain was too great, and Ilya could no longer stand another second in that place where her dreams turned to dust. Tears flew down her face as magic surged, and the lights all went out. Anger wasn't even enough to drown the sorrow, and she stomped out and away and swore not to return, not ever. "You can not speak...! I ordered you to pretend you loved him, so now I'm telling you to stop! Stop acting as if you are anything more than a robot!" The house echoed under my wrath. I wanted to destroy it all; I wanted it all gone.
'Everyone is gone!' But I don't destroy this one beautiful thing.
I let out everything on them. I told them to stop acting human; I didn't want humans anymore. Being human is overrated.
"Of course. Yes, Ojou-sama." They bowed and got to work taking everything that belonged to the Einzbern. As if I had shot them, they revert back to a state in which their emotions are sealed.
"Yes... It is my fault anyway," I ordered them to pursue Shirou to give him as much fun as he could have. Mom said boys like that sort of thing, but it only ever created more problems. Emotions only cause chaos.
I was cruel to allow them ever to feel. I will stop now. I was the silly one thinking that things like them could ever really feel anything.
I am done with everything from those days. I am done with this stupid life. What use is love if it ends like this? It was all fake, so it's not a big deal.
All of it was just a dream.
"Take it all, don't leave a trace..." Kill Emiya Ilya, take away all traces of her until everyone just forgets. That was my only consolation that at least I wouldn't have to be a burden anymore. "Don't let anyone remember that I was alive..." The maids moved like demons in accomplishing my will.
I was still surprised by how fast it went.
Leaving was prompt. They gathered everything that belonged to Von Einzbern and packed it in a luxury car that Mom bought on a whim. It didn't take any more than fifteen minutes.
I was already far away in mind.
Maybe I saw the purple girl wave at me as I left, but I did not look. I did not look when we left home and passed the market. I did not look when we passed the school where I met ordinary people for the first time or the shopping district that I made Shirou carry my things at. I don't dare look at the memories of the past.
I shut my eyes and didn't look. Not when I was put on the ship the family had brought over did I dare look back.
Shirou promised that it would become my home, and he did. How could is that?
The lock opens, and the connection cracks. A roaring sound announced my exit. Dread. Utter tyrannical dread is stabbing me across my body.
I feel... like I made a promise that I would not forget. But I don't remember who, and I can't keep it. It hurts so much.
I realized it all too late. Once you know warmth, the cold is ever more insufferable. I would never forget the place in my mind, a warm hearth and a fondness that will never leave me. I love that life, I love that town, I love Shirou, and I love the friends I made along the way.
I loved.
I will be stuck in the ruins of that forevermore.
By the time I regretted leaving, the town was out of sight. Japan was less than a speck as we would cross the great oceans towards Europe.
I regret. I have become like Kiritsugu now, even though I said I wouldn't. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, no matter how you think.
There was no goodbye, for I wasn't saying goodbye. I was in the act of running away, secretly hoping to be pursued. If he wakes up one day, then maybe... I am pathetic. Please forget about me, Onii-chan... Sorry, I can't be a big sister: I don't know how.
No. It is already too late to think that; it is up to Sakura now. Even if I know she is bad for him; I can't go back now. I will isolate myself in the position that is now mine.
If only I could have waited to talk to him once he woke up, but I couldn't bear a second more. I left the dream behind to die.
Shirou saved Ilya, yet I let her die despite that.
This Illusion (Music) /tcnmWGyOOPA
Alone.
I felt alone, obstructed. Forbidden from reaching out from this nondescript white place. Limbo, where those that are lost roam forever looking for the exit.
I let myself fall, gently falling further and further asleep. I was becoming smaller and smaller.
But he was freed, unchained. A weight left me, one I carried for so long that I didn't notice.
From the start of his memory up until the end, he had never stopped burning. But now? No more smell, no more warmth. Looking through a looking glass onto a world that felt entirely wrong. A first thought: Who am I? Emiya Shirou.
The ability to form new memories burned out, and the mind cracked as the body moved beyond its sight.
Yet something was missing, but what? I was cold. Why wasn't I on fire anymore? The eternal flame petered out, leaving a freezing forlorn rubble.
I feel empty. And so I fall into myself and watch as someone named Emiya Shirou lives their life. Beyond the horizon, I am stuck as a spectator to my own life.
I complete my daily routine as if nothing has changed. I do without thought. My head is empty and thus numb to pain.
Slowly — slowly— like the rising sun, the world starts to come back to me. Each day a distant star brightens, my only hope that one day the entire sky can be light again. But at this rate, it will be years before I reach the ground.
How long since I felt this? 'Yes, it was back then... in the hospital.' Emiya Shirou woke up confused, he couldn't remember anything, and a smell of smoke permeated his entire range of senses. But now that phase is over.
Identity is significant to people, a name gives meaning, and that name is meant to word to the boy. So he had to start building from there. Cooking, cleaning, chores and helping people: those were things constructed out of that name. He always thought that ■ would be happier that way.
■...? Somebody important. But thinking of them was like placing your hand directly in the fire hurt. It hurt to think of him so bad.
There was a father.
There was a smile. He held a hand in his hands, and even when the rest of the world went dark and cold, he saved that one small piece.
A woman smiling, she had lost everything and been enveloped in a curse of evil. Images were dying. They were burning out with the flame. Shouldn't it be that evil is something you are happy is gone?
Why did it feel so hollow? Why was it killing me?
They left me with a dream. But that was it.
And so, as I looked at the familiar pale wall, I thought about the fire and Angra Mainyu. A name meaning nothing, yet everything.
His mind shattered. It fell completely into a state of disrepair — A broken sword. It was too thin, lacking any guise of a remaining identity. It had been chipped down to the bone of the sword.
The burden was missing. The absolute strength of purpose and will could not be actualized like losing a heartbeat but still standing. If the core of something is broken, then...
Reforge it. A hammer is in my hands. I don't want to use it; I don't want to lose anything.
A glimpse of a strange landscape flashes before my eyes. A beautiful picture. I don't understand its significance. But why do I recall that now? Something... that does not exist but could be built. An irrelevant thought that would not fade even if cast away. It's not just the feeling of hatred that remains, but this scenery that has burned into my eyes as well.
No... this is not me. It's not my right.
I affirm things the way they are. I mustn't think that things that aren't mine belong to me, just because of nostalgia.
Your pride is in having nothing.
Your meaning is in being nothing.
When you fabricate something that doesn't even exist, you become no different from a meaningless sacrifice. In constructing something like that, in the process, you will die.
But the alternative is never to move forwards. I am afraid of what the truth is. So I can never move on; I hold onto the past that has already moved on.
There I see them; they are right there waiting for me. Mom and Dad talk to me.
I know they aren't real; I know I am making it all up. Fake.
"You are leaving behind those that depend on you, seeking out those that are already gone." Kiritsugu chides me.
"Please stop... you're not real!" I want them to stop.
"No, my boy. If there were no love in you, then I'd agree. Without love, it means nothing. My love, Kiritsugu's love, Ilya's love, and your love. With that, I can live on in you always." She wipes away the tears. "Shirou, was that fake? Does that make it not matter?"
"That's real..." The love was real.
"Indeed. So stop being an idiot and get back there."
"No... Mom, Dad... Wait..." I reach out. And the image started to flicker and leave my sight. There is still so much I could say...
"Shirou, we can't stay anymore. We will fade because that is our fate. Let us go..." The incredible light radiated off of her, finally pure of everything. The blazing sun burning me, her gift in lighting this flame. Once there was a will to do it, there was no hesitation. I knew they were right, but I was weak... I guess I just wanted permission.
"Goodbye. Mom, Dad..." I took my hammer and smashed the image so that an even greater one would take its place. The past would become kindling for the future.
The fire starts to relight itself. The sparks fly off as I smash it over and over, forging something remarkable.
One day you wake up again, and you have no choice but to remake yourself or die. For me, that happened when I was young. I was always broken, and only now, after all, this, have I been given the tools to repair.
The implosion of will all crunched itself until it could be reshaped.
The boy that had been in that fire had died; he was reborn into someone new. Be needs to be stronger. This time, he was not going to lose.
Ting, ting. The hammer blows forcefully on the anvil.
Searing heat as the steel bends easily to the raging fire. It hardens to the strongest material. Then, it is melted down to go again.
The new mind is one of steel, stronger and cohesive. A single will that will not break. The material is the past and those that have been lost. The composition is the blazing future, and this forge will not stop.
Its hammer will continue until another heaven is completed. The forge is only beginning, and it will continue on eternally.
Finally, it ends in a crack. The hammer falls across my face, which locks it all into place.
It is accompanied by prompt yelling and a sting across my cheek. It's not the first time I've felt this particular hammer hit me on my face.
"Emiya-kun, when are you going to wake up already!?" It's not the words that wake me up... it's the constant hitting. My eyes open to a familiar girl; she has long black hair and is full of fury. Her emotion is hopelessness. "Accept reality, Shirou. Stop being pathetic, or you will regret it. The funeral is tomorrow. Will you admit the truth already!"
Instantly taken aback, I am overwhelmed by my sudden thrust back to reality. "Tohsaka...?"
"Don't look at me like that... as if you are so suddenly waking from a long sleep. I gave you time to grieve, but there is a point of no return. You can't run away from what happened to you, Emiya. You just can't. ...It's time for you to go now." She shook her head; I was in her house. Her outrage here started to dissipate as she realized what she was doing. She didn't regret hitting me, but she did regret involving herself.
"Tohsaka... I..." Don't know what to say. There is no defence because I was wrong. I was wrong to implode within myself, but it happened anyway.
"I said leave!" She took her arm like a gun and blasted my face. I wake up in pain on the ground the next thing I remember. It was muddy and raining, I was miserable, and my head didn't work.
Tohsaka could get angry, but I had never seen her so personally irritated with me specifically. What... what have I done wrong?
This week, I have... messed up big time. I needed to be there, but I disappeared for a time. Not in body, but in spirit I broke... So I deserve that. She helped to wake me up, so I couldn't be mad. I was glad she cared enough to help me wake up. I reorientate myself. It's not that I died for a week or anything, It was just that I didn't want to wake up. I hid in my dreams as if that meant time could stop with me, but only Mom had powers that fantastical.
My fingers are dirty, and the sky is a lonely orange.
...I saw the setting sun and had a bad feeling. A premonition of something ending. I know that something great has already left this world, but... the madder red town looking back at me made me feel dread, as I have not felt in a long, long time. A ship is leaving the harbour. Looking at it brings a sword through my heart.
I immediately run. I run so I can confess my sins and feelings to Ilya. I know what I must do, and I know that if I do it, everything will be fine.
Why didn't I realize it before? That the most important things can disappear in an instant like the rest? I coasted through life, thinking someone else would solve my problems.
I walk.
I walk faster...
My heart is beating so fast, but not because of the exercise. I refuse to think of it, but it should be evident to me. I remember what I did this week, or rather what I didn't do. Someone I left all alone.
I run.
I ran home. "Ilya! Ilya!" I was desperate to talk to her now. I would say to her how I felt, and I would affirm that we would face anything together.
But by the time I made it, it was too late.
There aren't words that can describe the hours that followed. The days before now, we're a comfortable dream compared to the truth. The white girl and her maids had gone. All traces of her were taken away as if she, too, had been some transient illusion.
As if my sister, someone I love, never even existed.
I was too late. I had slept a few hours too long.
I find myself in a place I have to go. A thought implanted in my mind as if answers can be found simply by relying on the words of a man who I took every word as if it was God's. Even now, I am pathetic and search for a man who always saved me. He gave me a thought. 'Come to my study if you ever find yourself lost.' Something to that effect. And I am indeed lost; I have nowhere else to turn.
I slide open to my parents' room, where Kiritsugu's study stands undisturbed. They died here, found gone by their daughter.
...It makes me so sick I want to fall over and let out my sickness. But I don't. Instead, I turn from their bed and to where Dad's like of papers and files are. I've never looked through them, even though I lied that I did once, so I didn't have to admit I saw Irisviel at the park... That feels so long ago, and my head hurts looking back at it. I take a deep breath and push on. I don't sit in his chair. I don't deserve that.
I sift through files written in different structures of English and Japanese. Reading English is painless now; I don't recall learning it so well, but it is like I know every word that comes up intrinsically through my eyes. Could this have to do with the mystic eyes I have? Probably. It's easy to blame everything on them, so I rarely do.
I immediately see my father in a different light, just on the pure size of what is recorded here. Dad had told me the general idea of this world, but in here was all the specifics. Some were files on people; others were descriptions of things from vampires to the magical world in general.
I knew Kiritsugu was a thorough man, but I had no clue that this even existed. Extensive lists and files on people and places and organizations. Like Dad was a spy... well, I know he was a hero when he was younger. To be a hero, you need to be smart.
A name finally caught my eye. It was the most prevalent thing from the start, but I refused to look. The name is Emiya Shirou and Ilyasviel, and a set of files are paper clipped alongside a note. I briefly look inside. It's notes coming from much more recently, as soon as a few weeks ago. Tracing back a year or so, he was putting together something important...
My heart skips a beat as I start to read, even though my mind tells me to turn back. Some things are not meant to be taken on like this.
The first page is titled 'Homonuculi', written out of what Irisviel told him:
'A homunculus is an artificial human. An alchemical formula to create life without a womb, using sperm and other elements. They are not born from a proper reproductive system and therefore have physical defects. Small bodies. Short lives. Lack of intelligence. Lack of reproductive functions. They have human shapes and human lives, but they are not human, and therefore are completed with a powerful Magic Circuit. They are weak as a life form. But they far exceed human powers when made as magi, as Magic Circuits with a personality.
But there is one exception to all of this: Ilyasviel is the perfect homunculus ever created, made from an incredible live birth. She retained full human capacity and health and has a magical potential above all modern age humans. A perfect creation that would be halted due to the wish of the Einzbern house. Ilyasviel's perfection was not designed to become the Holy Grail, yet that was all they desired her to be. So the perfection was suspended in favour of turning her towards becoming a Holy Grail. The head of the family, Jubstacheit von Einzbern, inserted the Siegfried gold, that which serves as the core of their Holy Grail, shortly after birth and now she acts as the Lesser Grail. When the power of the grail surges and the spiritual energies collapse into her, her body will diminish not long after. This process has recently accelerated despite precautions, and the cause is...'
There is no point in reading further. I can't see very well for some reason. Looking over it burns my eyes and makes me lie down. I am dizzy. I fall to his chair, holding my head. The language itself feels so impersonal, like a magus.
Like I'm not reading about my sister and how she is dying. She said it herself. She must have been so scared... and I was the cause.
It's natural to leave in that case.
There is no escape. No escape. You will never escape. The claws of death and hate searching at your throat. "Shut up!" It's this damn screeching that was the issue in the first place. The dissonance of white noise.
Ilya is not saved. Her promised death has simply been delayed. Kiritsugu never reached what he was striving for, and in his final days, he was with us.
I understand why she left, even if I hate it with all my heart. I know her, and I know that she must have seen this.
I go back to the front. There was something else there, if I remember.
A letter in the back... addressed to me.
'I have worked tirelessly to keep this pain from you, and I hope to complete this by the time I expire. Though I know my time is coming soon, I can feel it. I know that it was you that gave me my wife back and that you gave up a lot of yourself to do that. Thank you, Shirou. I know you have a good heart, and I know what you must have thought. I didn't understand at first; I lashed out, but I have come to see.
I learned that saving someone is not an act but a way of living. I came to accept that I could never reach that. I endeavoured to leave you with nothing that would hold you back. Nothing that I am leaving you is something you are required to carry. Live a free life, Shirou. Leave it Ilya, she can help to guide you and I know that together you two are fine. Together I do not worry about the world I leave behind.
Just know that how to keep her warm. She is like her mother in that regard...'
The wet paper falls to the ground. "Hahaha... Godamnit!" I laugh at the wetness. Why make a paper so wet? It's stupidity! It's all so stupid!
It crumples up, but I keep it whole. I would regret destroying it.
An instant failure. I lost Ilya before I had the chance... No, I had a chance, but I was too weak to realize I was wasting it.
I let the emptiness swallow all that remained. I let that which I could have grasped fall out of my grasp.
Now, what is left?
Only ash. Only me... It's a funny thing. This is the second time now I am left behind.
They made Ilya to die, and I let her leave. I... saved her, didn't I?
I was dumb. Saving someone is not an action. All I did was give her hopelessness. I left her alone, without answers... Of course, she would run away. I know what that is like.
There was another letter addressed to Ilya, yet it remained unopened, and I would not take it out. I would give it to her myself. 'If she can read this from Kiritsugu, then she will listen!' It's only a matter of finding her. I impulsively jump up and go out to the door. If only I had the strength to do it without Dad having to tell me over and over.
I slam the door open, only to find someone overlooked there, waiting. She stood quietly. Her hands held low.
"Sakura..."
"I was looking for you..." She was still afraid. Afraid that everyone would just leave her, it is easy to glimpse as I feel the same. A lively home turned quiet, and all that is left is her and me. The world was completely still and every second passed felt like an impossible gap growing wider. In my path was Sakura, and beyond was Ilya. "But you wouldn't respond." I felt that leaving now and looking for Ilya was killing Sakura. No... I knew that that was a fact. I could find Ilya in time, she would probably let me. But Sakura would be left behind. "Ilya-san... left." She finally said, not knowing what to say as I stood there motionless.
"Yeah." I knew Ilya. She was obstinate. "Do you know what direction?"
"I... think towards Shinto. I-I don't know..." Her head was down; she wasn't looking at me. She was here all day?
I went to school with Tohsaka as if nothing had occurred at all. Today was one of the last of fifth grade. I don't remember the last week very well, but it seems they let her stay home. So if Sakura saw them go that way, I knew it was not to the woods... but instead to the port where I used to wave off Kiritsugu when he'd go off on some journey.
"Ah, I see." Then she was going beyond my grasp. I nearly fall over, but I hold myself on the door. My life is sucked out of me, and I just want to lie down and die.
Sakura is already crying. Why? Why does she cry when I do not?
My face feels so dry now, maybe because there was no more water left to lose. So Sakura cries for me. She is shaking from guilt.
"I-I am sorry, Senpai! If I was just not like this, then- This, all of this! It's my fault! I killed them, and then you are and she is...! I can't believe that this... I never told you, but I killed them! It was me." The words meant nothing, but the emotion was clear. She felt guilty for a lot of what happened, as of it was all her fault simply because she lacked to belief in hope. "I wanted Ilya to leave, a-and she d-did! It was me!"
In the end, despite always striving for the best possible future, I lose more than I gain. Yet, after all this, Sakura is still there with me. Being the last one standing is a solemn weight to her heart.
I catch my own sorrow and throw it. I hit it with my hammer until it turns to steel.
I reach out my hand.
I suppose that Ilya is gone now. I watch Sakura crack from her unhealed grief. It goes a long time until she stops. "Senpai...? What are you...?"
"I'm simply putting my hand out."
"..." She looks quizzically at me, trying to figure out what it means.
"The world is not evil because of you, Sakura. I won't force it, but I can take you to the future with me. You see, I'm all alone now, so I wouldn't mind someone on my side."
I can't help you if you don't help yourself.
My emotions are not afraid of being broken; they are already made out of steel. I will reach for the dawn. Whether I can make it there without breaking once again is irrelevant.
Her eyes start to shine. Her hand is soft and limp in mine. I've never held it like this, facing one another. I only ever held it facing away, pulling her against her will into the darkness of life.
If the choice is between the girl crying in front of me or the one who I can't reach, then I have to focus on what is already there.
Taking Sakura's hand means losing all else, and I do anyways. Ilya is lost, and I know only time can heal that trauma. And I never had Tohsaka; she had me. So if I will let go of the rest to take in what can be taken, then I will.
It will not be easy, and it will always hurt. Yet I don't regret it.
"I-I will be there for you, Senpai!" Her declaration is happiness; even in the black lake, we are stuck at the bottom.
"Yes, thanks... I still have meals to make and a future to see." I was always relying on others to keep me safe or do things for me. Those people are gone now, and now it is me alone. No matter what you lose, you still have to put dinner together.
I can put something together... that which has been left for me. I would be alone, but that is the responsibility of a magus — to be a magus is to be alone. I will not drag her back to this ugliness.
"I will be in here a little longer, Sakura... I can start dinner-"
"No! T-today, let me look after you, you have not... been yourself. So... please just rest!" Her apprehension was leaking out. She must have been scared in seeing me so far gone.
I concede to her assertiveness, "Alright, it's all up to you. You've really improved as a cook."
"...Thank you. Would you like some tea, Senpai?" Is the only reason Sakura sticks by me because she never was given any other choice? I know that I should keep pushing her into the world all on her own, but I am also selfish.
A part of me likes the idea of having her all to myself.
"...Haha." She would keep asking until I said yes, I know. "Sure, thank you." I can laugh. I chuckle at what I can because I would drown otherwise.
It felt like I had a secretary. Kids playing at adults, that was what it felt like. No... at this moment, we were no longer children. The protection that Taiga would be providing could no longer be considered parental. There was nothing but our own responsibilities now.
It was just us now. I don't rashly run out of the house. Instead, I sit and pursue Ilya differently. I won't reunite with her without knowing I have all the solutions and arguments that will make her never have to leave me ever again.
Sakura came back with some odd ginger tea. It cooled my heart. She was satisfied. A soft smile warmed my back as I sort through my father's papers. She could be fine if I could at least stay there with her, and that made me happy too.
I wonder what would have happened if she wasn't there. ...It's not worth thinking about because the outcome is obvious.
My paradise had been destroyed, but there was never any rule that you couldn't create another heaven.
New Dawn (Music) /0C2BruacWjk
The next day is the funeral. We decided not to have a wake. Dad and Mom wouldn't have cared for such a big thing. It was just me, Sakura, Tohsaka, Issei, Taiga, Raiga and Issei's father.
Before I made it down the path to the cemetary, I was taken away by a whirlwind of stripes.
Her embrace was tight, and her eyes were red from tears. She didn't want to make a scene in front of everyone, so she did it before. "I thought I lost you too! I'm so sorry..." Taiga's sadness was potent. To her... losing Kiritsugu is the same as losing family because she was family at the end of the day. "To lose them both at once... Shirou, you know I'm with you forever! So you don't ever worry!" We were hidden on the path up to behind the Fujimura group was paying for the whole service, with Issei's father serving as the monk in a soft Buddhist funeral. In a swift instant without hesitation, Taiga took on guardianship of me, Shinji, Sakura, and Tohsaka. "I was worried sick about you. Do you know how much Sakura-chan and I were worried about you!? You weren't normal at all!" Her weak fists serve as punishment.
"Sorry..."
"I'm so glad your back!" That was easy... I was expecting a Taiga signature beat down, but it seems that now was not the time... More tears stained my c
Her anger was only matched by her happiness that I was back.
I was not the same person I was before, but she wouldn't tell the difference. "Thanks... I know you are there for me." But I can't hold myself from hurting her because she deserves to know. "Fuji-nee, Ilya is gone..." I admit my failure. "She... left."
Her response is terrible in a way I did not predict. Her face was full of confusion. "Who is that?"
My heart falls.
'Ah, I see...' I guess this is something I should have expected.
"Ilya...She was... she is... nevermind, Fuji-nee. I'm glad to be back too." Her face gave mot a trace of recognition for that name now. "Everything will be fine now..." Mom said once that lies are crap when you can't even convince yourself. Taiga knew I was sad, but she wouldn't know that my sorrow was more for the living than the dead.
She didn't even know what she had lost. 'Ilya, why? Why do something like that?' ...Because she had no intention of returning.
I soon learned that nobody remembered her except for me, Tohsaka and Sakura. I don't know if those memories are gone, but I hope not... the idea that Taiga could never remember all the things she did with Ilya hurt me, as if Ilya's memory had partially died. I guess it's not so easy to hypnotize one with a magic circuit.
So I was already in a dark mood.
It wasn't a long service as Issei's father blessed their grave with new names so that they would never return to life as angry spirits. Far too late for that...
It was a single-family grave, so they would be together even now. I zone out quickly.
I am in the sky, looking down. The far off horizon where the world's edge is laughing at me. It laughs away the pain. The world turns on. I can see a long gloaming plain. They go on forever and ever. But no matter how long you walk, you will never reach something that is lost now.
I zone out for a long, long time.
All that is left is the wind and my breath. I don't pay mind to the few that came.
It's dark now, and everyone else is gone. I vaguely remember a red girl holding my shoulder in a rare form of empathy, but even that can't pierce this blizzard I am in. Another violet girl was waiting for me, but then she was taken away by one in stripes. I thought it was funny we didn't care to wear black, how very modern...
They let me be here alone, figuring it is my role as heir. That is the tradition, to wait all night to make sure they can be sent off in peace. Of course, that is for the wake and inside, not out here in the freezing cold.
The pain was not comfortable, but I figured it was what I deserved.
I was waiting for Mom to jump up from her grace and declare it as her trick, like when she made all those people disappear... But that wasn't a trick, was it?
Those people really did die. Her bringing them back was the trick, and I figure that those people will not last forever either. That is on me as well.
Everything that she built up was an illusion on top of reality. A thin film, or coloured glasses that hid all of the things she never liked. People wouldn't even realize she saved more than she killed. She The death rate in Fuyuki this last year has been near zero, but now it should explode...
She just wanted everyone to be able to find their own happiness.
Whatever...
Like dust, this illusion flows away, and no one even knew it was there in the first place. I will wait to see if Ilya comes. Maybe she is waiting for the night when no one isn't there to pay her respects. Why leave?
Didn't Mom say we were hopeless alone? So why take off, knowing that...? Because being hopeless can be a more acceptable way of living than having hope. She gave up before she would have to feel again. She left before building herself back up.
My little sister is an idiot who I need to be disciplined, but I can't do that. I can't even move from this spot, so how could I now go to Germany?
I have been standing there for a long time. The moon is a crescent now in the sky compared to the full moon one week ago when I had a family. I promised Dad I will take his place.
The temperature reaches lows as the sun dies. A fire inside me begins to burn, and I feel that I could wait here forever if I needed to.
Suddenly, I hear someone approaching. At this late hour, you would not think there would be anyone. Was it Ilya? As much as I hoped it was, I wasn't delusional. It may be Sakura, Tohsaka or Taiga. When I turn around, it is none of the above.
A thin western man, wearing a coat and holding a lantern.
"Ah, you scared me." He says in English when he sees me. As he outlines me with his lantern, we are the only ones here. "Are you Shirou-san? A woman named Fujimura Taiga asked me to see if you were still here." He changes to Japanese.
Thanks, Fuji-nee. I'm fine, just give me a little longer... "I can speak English." I respond coldly. I can't bother with a warm reception in this situation.
"Ah, I see... That is impressive for someone your age."
"What are you here for?"
"Me? To confirm something."
"Hmm... Are you a magus?" His eyes widen in the dark. I have no need for a lantern to see his silhouette. He is an expressive human, something my eyes can read like a children's book.
"...May I ask how you could tell?" He is on guard even against a child.
"You smell of sweet tea, and you have a warm grey aura to you." His stress levels spike, and he immediately pulls his cigarette and smokes. A bad habit that reminds me of Kiritsugu.
"I did not envision this. ...What is your family name?"
"I am Emiya Shirou. What is yours?"
"Em...iya? You are the... son of Emiya Kiritsugu?" He is astonished.
"Yes. Did you know my father, nameless man?"
"Oh, I did. Forgive me, My name is Lord El-Melloi II." El-Melloi is a name I read in Kiritsugu's notes. It is the name of a family he was trying to repair the crest of. He planned to steal it after that, but he only ever reached the point of having several working theories to fixing it. "I came to see him, but it seems that my worst notions were true."
He sees father's grave with his light.
"You had a deal with him, correct? Then you wish for me to take up his place?"
"...You know this then: You are his... adopted child? You are straight to the point, but... There is no obligation for you take his agreement in. Only Emiya Kiritsugu truly was thought to have perhaps an idea of how to fix his own work." He seemed to take some pity on me, or maybe he simply did not see any use for someone that was not Kiritsugu.
He expects me to walk away. "I am a magus. I am Kiritsugu's heir, so whatever contract he made, I will do anything it takes to keep it." It didn't matter what it was, as long as it was his. "I can fix anything if I put my mind to it."
The man was astounded. "You will hold to any contract? You are aware of what a magic contract means? You can not go back on it."
"..." I am alone now. This is what is left for me. "Yes, whatever it is."
I will complete his plan in his place.
This man appearing is first good fortune in a long time. He could help me reach where I need to be. A child I will be no longer. From this day forwards, I will walk alongside death as a magus. I will cut out my safety line... I know Dad wanted me and Ilya to live normal lives, but I can't do that unless I know Ilya can even have that.
"Then, under my witness as a Lord of the Clock Tower, I recognize you as the new head of the Emiya family." I didn't feel any magic come over me, but perhaps there was now a connection that was not there before.
He explained to me what was promised, and it was exactly what I already knew I had to do. Kiritsugu had forged a deal that seemed one-sided towards them, but in reality, it was giving me everything that I needed. He had low expectations of me, and I was not oblivious that this seemed like the sort of deal that was not necessarily meant to be kept. Kiritsugu really did try, and with a year, he was only able to form theories of turning a 100-year solution down to a fast one. A puzzle? I can solve those.
I may not be a real magus like Kiritsugu or Tohsaka. But I know how to fix things.
And so under the contract conditions that our two families would be 'cordial in interest', whatever that means, I made a decision. If he were Father's ally and expects something from me, I would ask for something in return. Something I may need.
"Can you teach me magic?"
"Ah, well... I am quite busy already teaching... You are too young to be enrolled in the Clock Tower proper..." He stammered quickly by my request. "But... by terms of the agreement, this is an unavoidable request..." Was taking me on so troublesome?
He was clearly a deeply nervous man but couldn't help but try his best. I see why Kiritsugu respected him.
"I can only come during summer break. I have school."
An amusing thing to him, he chuckles. "Hehe. You would be surprised how common that is. That... is workable. My schedule is lightest then as well." He calculated it. "There is a place that I can have you stay... it's not especially prestigious. Is that admissible?"
"That's fine." I didn't care about any of that stuff. I can tolerate the condition placed on me. I'd live in the street if I had to; it makes little difference to me. ...As long as there is a kitchen.
"Hmm, you remind me of your father."
"Really? Thanks." That makes me optimistic.
"That wasn't a compliment..." He puffed out his smoke into the cold night, and I looked back at the grave a final time.
'Here lies Emiya Kiritsugu and Irisviel Von Einzbern, beloved in life and in death.'
Hopefully, that's true. Mom was always bored if Kiritsugu wasn't around. I'm sure they're having fun somewhere, Mom always wanted to go on vacation, but Dad couldn't do that anymore. I figure they are at some vacation beach lounging about lazily.
I was the only Emiya now, which meant I was also the one who was expected to speak for the Von Einzbern. That's how Kiritsugu presented himself; no one knew anything about Ilya. I will take that identity. I won't back down from being the heir of my own mother. "If you want me to stop, Ilya... then you'll have to tell me yourself." But if you do, I'll catch you and not let go.
"Did you say something...?" He questioned.
"No. Nothing at all..."
After that, we walk back down the dark trail. Taiga was waiting for me like a loyal tiger, and stranger yet it seemed as if she and the magus actually knew one another. Though when it comes to Fuji-nee, expect the unexpected.
He said that he would be leaving immediately. I guess he wasn't supposed to be here in the first place. He probably came behind Tohsaka's back, but just this once, I would have to keep this from her. He promised to contact me soon.
When I get home, I put everything in order. I clean out the house thoroughly. I remove everything that will not push me towards this goal. Everyone will be okay. Nothing will be lost again.
I will turn everyday into a refined routine where I will improve endlessly.
I write a letter to Luvia telling her all this, but I make sure to tell her that it will be the last. I don't need to admit anything to her anymore; I don't feel that utter confusion of living that made me do that. There is no more chaos in my mind. My path is imprinted as cold steel, an infallible foundation for life; it can not be forsaken, and thus there is no point in debating it. I'm sure she will understand.
My ambition starts here.
If I can do it, and everyone could gain without losing a single thing, that would be a wonderful thing. The path is paved behind me and ahead is only ash, I can make it on my own from here on out.
I won't tell anyone, I won't rely on anyone, I will just do it. My pencil starts off where Kiritsugu ended. But no matter how I depict the me of tomorrow, I am still drenched in wishes that will never disappear. A noble ideal that surely will never disappear.
The path is long...
Three years pass before the tyranny of the crimson moon would come to put me on trial.
Author's notes:
A considerable number of people seemed to have missed chapter 29, according to my viewership metrics. Go back and read it if you missed it. I'll have to be more careful with double uploads in the future. Read my other story, too, if you want to know exactly who is coming to see Shirou.
Anyways, but this is not really Act three but the last epilogue to the first two acts. Think of this as my initial pitch going into the future of Shirou.
Katarina and Luvia will have a catch-up chapter at some point soon too, and ai have a good idea for bringing them into the story somewhat for a moment.
Now I did much debating where to restart with Shirou, and I basically had a general idea but now I have made up my mind on going right into the craziness, so expect lots of that. I will probably be jumping right into a pretty absurd fight scene.
Let's say that this ends in March 25, 1999.
We will be coming back on March 25, 2002.
Reviews are always appreciated!
Alright, I promised an explanation of the story so here it is, this is a recap: I won't tell everything, only that which I have already explained in the story.
Chapter one: Angra Mainyu assimilates, and transmigrates into Shirou in the middle of Shirou's nightmare.
Shirou is the outcome of Kirei's wishes of the fourth war. Shirou fully becomes subsumed by the curse as he seeks out and falls into the mud of the grail before his soul 'dies' due to the curse and the fire, Kiritsugu saves him using the last little bit of Avalon's power and inserts it into him. Thus Shirou's soul was reborn with an origin of Curse and Sword due to the combination of Angra Mainyu and Avalon. Though you can say that Shirou was already a tuned to being cursed before Angra Mainyu, and that is why he came to be assimilated.
Since he was completely born into it, Shirou didn't even know that it wasn't normal to be cursed with all the Evils of the world and thus grew up carrying a burden but never remembering not having it.
Later, Shirou wakes up in a different place from Katarina since Katarina was found with the Mother. Shirou was put where the orphans were. Katarina was thought to have been much worse off, but since she was saved by Elza with magic she lives while the rest in her room die. She develops pure eyes that connect towards the dead.
Since Avalon is inside Shirou, and it is an impenetrable barrier, Angra cannot manifest and Shirou is not being controlled.
Shirou's memories are destroyed due to the curse, but what he can recall comes over the next year's in the form of dreams. By now he does remember that he once had a sister named Miyu, but he can only feel that she is definitely dead.
Kiritsugu adopts Shirou quickly and forges documents to get him before they have the time to find Shirou's real family. The smoky smell was his brain recognizing the curse, and since Shirou has the ability to sense magic by smell, he came to feel the curse by that smell and didn't hate it.
Shirou follows that smell to the remains of his old home. He walks through the remains and remembers his lost home, then wishes he could have a Mom and family. He falls asleep, and in the place where he is closest to the grail and the curse, he dreams about Angra Mainyu. This cycle of suffering inside him forms a wish of his own and in response Irisviel forms.
Irisviel is a very complex character in this story and in different scenes she can represent entirely different manifestations. Try to think of her as less of a person and more of an idea made in the shape of a person. Her central purpose is her love. She can represent Angra Mainyu, Irisviel, Justeaze, or even Shirou's own subconscious. But you can say that since all of these personalities melted together inside Shirou's broken mind, that they are all real.
Irisviel tells Shirou to learn magic so she can find a way to be born. He gets Kiritsugu to teach him after 2 years after Kiri fails to save Ilya, and now Shirou adopts Kiritsugu's heroism into himself.
Irisviel becomes Shirou's magic teacher with this, and since Shirou secretly wishes for a family, she adopts him as a mother. The Irisviel that has survived has done so by only holding onto her strongest emotion which is her boundless love for Kiritsugu, so that trait is turned up to a thousand in order to contend with Angra Mainyu.
Shirou meets Tohsaka by coincidence since they are both going across town alone back and forth, and they are drawn together since Rin feels his magic but as she is inexperienced she can't sense it since he has an abnormally weak magical signature.
Shirou meets Sakura because he can feel that a part of Angra is in her, and thus she has that same smell, and as Angra grows in influence over Shirou due to Shirou learning magic he is drawn to her.
During all this, Shirou gains mystic eyes of clairvoyance (human) due to his body starting to change due to long-term exposure to the heroic spirit Angra inside him combined with Avalon, thus he is being drawn partially into the reverse side if the world. It's a similar idea of gaining them if you turned into a Dead Apostle. Shirou's soul melts into his body, similar to how Shirous body will become swords but much slower right now. This is the main reason that Irisviel/ Angra are surprised that Shirou didn't die, he should have but didn't.
I won't go into the eyes right now, but know they are versatile and quite strong. If the ranking for eyes is red, green, gold, jewel and rainbow, then Shirou's are actually slowly increasing in power as his eyes are now at the gold stage. If he takes them to the limit then he can reach jewel rank.
Shirou learns magic from Irisviel and gains a switch in his mind. Shirou learns projection and quickly masters the fundamentals of it, but thinks he sucks because he is doing it his own makeshift way. Shirou starts to slowly unravel true projection within his own head, but he is still behind even canon Shirou as he is basically inventing his own form of magic.
Shirou masters reinforcement after a few months of practice, Kiritsugu and Irisviel can't help him anymore since the way he does it is unlike the conventional way of doing it. This is what he is already superior to canon Shirou to, since it is simply so easy to him as he has proper teaching.
Shirou later starts doing curses but thinks that he is failing since he can't affect other things. What Shirou starts to do is curse himself with pain and suffering but he doesn't even realize it since Irisviel asked him to curse what hated most and he did it to himself. Shirou thus begins to incorporate cursing into his projection, and realize that really he only has one form of magic and that is composition analysis.
Unlike Canon Shirou, this Shirou is argued to humans as well as swords so he look into Sakura and Tohsaka like he would a sword and think it is normal.
Shirou goes to London and meats Luvia and Olga Marie. I mostly put this in to build up to Shirou in act 3 as they are more important characters now.
So Irisviel needed Shirou to cast a spell to break her free from her prison, which was Shirou himself, and obviously, only he can do that. To do that he must project Irisviel's body, and since she is copied inside his inner world and ripening reality marble he can do it. He is missing a way of actually transporting the 'soul' of the grail from him to a projection body. Shirou at this point is oblivious to what he is actually doing, relying on his intrinsic understanding of magic.
Enter Sakura who can see Irisviel due to her connection to the dark grail and affinity for the imaginary. She can act as the catalyst in summoning Irisviel out of Shirou. Shirou brings Sakura to the park and Shirou swears to protect Sakura even though Irisviels tells him she is hollow.
Shirou finally finds his will and embraces the power of Angra, and with Sakura, they kill the Matou father. Shinji is also traumatized by Shirou using a worse in malice against another for the first time as he makes him experience Sakura's pain. Kiritsugu by this point has gone crazy and lets Sakura stay until Shirou goes to the Matou house directly and then Sakura kills the worm inside her and moves on, this allowing Shirou to manifest Irisviel as a different being from himself.
Shirou's seven penalties were his internal rules that he is believed allowed him to give Irisviel power and a self-personality, but they existed more because of his OCD obsession with rules and precepts, as he thinks that me must kill parts of himself in order to let Irisviel live as an independent being. Shirou's magic here is only limited by how much he is willing to give up. That's how he ends up causing his hair to start having white spots
Shirou, Irisviel and Sakura are all assimilated by Angra at this point. They represent different aspects, and their negative emotions are emphasized while their pain is numbed.
Now this is a scene that is left blank, but in between leaving the Matou house and reaching Kiritsugu, a lot of people are killed as Angra does out of control. They come back to life later, when Kiritsugu finally accepts Irisviel's love and thus finally actualizes his wish from the fourth war and the entire town of Fuyuki becomes a beautiful place like an idyllic dream. Irisviel's magic is the combination of her alchemy and Angra's imaginary world, so it lets her create doubles that take place of all the people that died.
Kirei officiates this wedding and then is promptly banished until it is time for him to return. Gilgamesh also leaves as he still wants to see humanity, and Irisviel was really strong at that point as basically a manifestation of the full power of the grain itself so he was more interested in seeing what would happen.
Now everyone loses months after this because Iri soon learns she can't create a world on her own, even though she tried. She lacks a full human will, and since Shirou too gave up his, it takes him asking Luvia for him to realize he has to actually be a person. By now, Angra Mainyu inside Shirou has grown to point that it is a powerful influence to him. By turning against his own penalties and rules of life, Shirou is accepting that the dream will not last forever, but he does so anyway because it was a colourless life without meaning, even if it could last forever.
When they break free of the enchantment, they go to Europe and save Ilya. Kiritsugu was strong this last time as Irisviel gives him the mana transfer and he kills without a sense of mercy.
Justeaze, the greater grail dies in order to purge Angra from the holy grail and thus the grail loses much of its potency in granting Irisviel's and reverts to a power-saving state. Sella and Leysritt are born and come to see Shirou as something akin to their creator. Ilya kills Kiritsugu, but Irisviel saves him with the song of the grail and an imitation of the third magic. Ilya saves Iri using the dress of heaven to transmigrate her into a new homunculus body rather than the spiritual one that Shirou formed for her.
In this moment, Angra and Iri are split from the other, and Shirou's mind is now only Angra and Shirou. Irisviel can now be seen as just Iri who is deeply traumatized by the curse. Ilya meets Shirou and knows at first glance that he is joined with a heroic spirit since she is still wearing the dress of heaven.
Kiritsugu saves Gray from vampires killing her town; this is actually in my other story, too, from Ciel's pov. He makes deals he didn't think would pass on after him with the El-Melloi. Bazett makes her first appearance. Olga Marie is going crazy and her father is rabidly trying to get in contact with Emiya and anyone who can help him to use the grail to form Chaldea. Kiritsugu starts trying to figure out a plan of saving Ilya from dying young.
Then we have a peaceful life for a year as Iri has stabilized, but Shirou is drawing closer and closer to insanity. Iri teaches all the kids magic. Iri tries to conduct a harem plan to make Shirou happier, and it works pretty well but Shirou refuses to love since he has the belief that if he loves then Iri would not be able to. Shirou takes the last traces of the curse away from Iri and Kiritsugu and puts it all into himself.
Shirou is Tohsaka's butler did to the agreement of being under her protection. She hates him because he is the one weakness that refuses to let her kill her emotions, but she turns that around and makes him work for her. Sakura is naturally jealous of Tohsaka and feels that she has everything perfect since Tohsaka is always portraying herself as infallible. Tohsaka makes it clear that they are not sisters.
Sakura starts becoming a magus of her own will out of this negative emotion. Shirou's carrying of all the evils of the world in his reality marble starts to leak, and for Ilya and Sakura who are like doors to the spiritual realm, it starts to leak into them.
Sakura starts having visions of possible past and future and it is killing her. Meanwhile, Ilya's homunculus body is absorbing the energy and is slowly turning into the cup of the grail and disintegrating.
Shirou learns this, and as Iri tells him that it is a choice between Ilya or Sakura. He pushes her for the better option and he learns it is his own fault, he starts really questioning what the hell he really is. Gilgamesh beats him up, and we also see Shirou has started to develop powers. Gilgamesh encourages Angra to come to terms that he has to leave in order to let everyone, including Shirou, reaches their true potential. Of course, he is an ass about it.
Shirou promises to be a hero and a demon in the place of all that couldn't achieve it. So he will give both what people want, and what they need. In that way is a bit even more distorted than normal Shirou.
Shirou lets go of the idea of penalizing himself, and thus finally can accept Ilya's love. When he sleeps, and Iri and Kiritsugu die, he stomps to the boundary of the grail in his soul. This he learns the truth about everything from the beginning from the Grail version of Ilya. What is Shirou's nature? It is more like Shirou pretending to be Angra than the opposite since Angra is not a real personality. It is nothing more than a set of memories and pains, and Shirou takes that on and incorporates that into himself to the point he creates a second personality that represents Angra.
Angra just wanted to see a normal life, and he did. The will of Angra didn't have a hatred for humanity, but those that wanted him to destroy the world did. So he confronts Irisviel who has also been sucked back into the greater grail in order for it to replace Justeaze. She still wants her to wish to go on forever, but it's over and it's time to let the new generation face the world alone.
Angry finally let's go, and the fourth war and its wishes finally end. Angra dissipates and finally returns to his empty hollow world. But he leaves a beautiful picture, and in the process of finally leaving Shirou after year's of assimilation, Shirou's reality marble fully forms with all the emptiness left behind and it isn't as horrible place as you would think such a traumatized Shirou would have. Shirou and Angra split completely, thus Shirou is finally alone in his head yet he has changed.
This chapter is Shirou repairing his mind, forging his new mind of steel and focusing on his new self built on the remains of Angra inside of his mind. Ilya leaves because she simply can't take being with Shirou anymore, she is afraid of loving him with the chance of dying or seeing him die. Tohsaka and Shirou grow a little more distant, and Sakura and Shirou stick by the other.
Alright... that was a lot of plot points to cover. This story is quite convoluted, I admit. But I think that makes it fun in some ways, Nasu stories are usually incomplete telling that only come together at the end. That's why I like 1st person despite it being a much more limited form of storytelling than 3rd.
If you are still confused about something, then it is likely that I simply am still planning for that to be explained later. If your confusion is about Irisviel and Angra Mainyu then just keep in mind that you should not think of them as people at all. I won't explain Kataria until I fully unveil her truth.
Read Broken Moon if you want to see the Tsukihime side of this tale I am making. If you have read this far then I will tell you outright that Shirou and Arcuied are going to meet next chapter.
Have a good day :)