The ADHD hyper focus is really helping me write this story. Each chapter I'll put what song the title comes from in the notes before the chapter starts. I hope you like it!
"And the sun begins to fade," - I Wanna Dance with Somebody - Whitney Houston, 1987
I walk through the halls of the safe house calmly. My shoulders are relaxed, my head is held high. Everyone here knows my work. The Fireflies outside of the safe house don't. Marlene is only keeping her most trusted nearby.
Once I make my way out of the safe house and down the street, I pick up my pace until I reach the small black market area of the QZ. People make deals everywhere, but there's an always changing market set up somewhere in the QZ. They have to move all the time, but it's invaluable.
"Long time no see," a man says as soon as I walk up to the door.
"Hey," I struggle to smile at him. "Just picking up a few things."
"Like you've been doing all week?" He raises an eyebrow.
"Just doing a project for a friend." He nods slowly.
"Go on in, they're about to close up for the day." I slip him a ration card as I walk by. I'm swimming in the things and I won't be able to use them after today. When I walk in, the large warehouse is dark as it always tends to be. Small windows line the tops of the warehouse walls, but there's no other lighting in the building.
"Hey sunshine."
"Hey Miss C," I say as I walk over to her table.
"What you need sweetheart?"
"Gonna need some soaps, shampoo, and conditioner."
"You got conditioner earlier this week."
"It was for a friend," I shrug. She stares at me for a minute before she braces her hands on her knees and stands. A piece of her gray hair falls from her ponytail as she slips what I wanted into a bag. "Usual prices?" I ask and she nods as she reaches under her table. I hear the bag rustle and open my mouth to ask her what she's added but she shakes her head.
"Thank you, for everything," I say quietly as I pass over the ration cards, a couple extra tucked in between.
"Don't thank me, just taking care of the kids on the block," she smiles, a few of her front teeth missing. "Make sure you stop by Sandy's," she nods towards the back of the room.
"I haven't had my period in years-"
"Sweetheart you haven't been safe in years."
"And you think I will suddenly be safe now?"
"I've got a feeling, sugar. You're going to go through hell, but it's worth it." She smiles at me and I feel a small spark of hope in my chest. Miss C doesn't talk to many people. But when she tells you she's got a feeling, she's always right. I hated her for it, for a while. But I came back to her. Everyone does if they survive.
"Thanks."
"Don't worry, I packed some things for your girl, too," she says as I turn to walk away.
"What?" I turn back to her and she smiles.
"You haven't smiled since you lost your baby boy," she says with a shrug. "You deserve to be happy, Charlotte. Don't throw this away."
"Yes ma'am," I whisper and her smile widens.
"Always knew you were a southern belle," she says under her breath as she sits down. I shake my head at her as I move towards the back of the room. I'm afraid if I look back again I'll start bawling.
"Haven't had you come see me in ages," Sandy says as soon as I walk over.
"I know."
"What you need?" She asks as she stands from her tattered lawn chair.
"Tampons and cloth pads if you've got them."
"Tampons?" She asks as she starts to dig through a box.
"For a friend."
"How many do you need?"
"Couple months worth, I guess," I say as I fiddle with the ration cards in my pocket. Sandy doesn't say anything. She just puts a couple boxes of tampons on the table before she pulls a few different cloth pads from another box. I hand her the ration cards for the prices listed on the table, along with a few extra.
"I don't need handouts."
"Finally paying you back for a few years ago," I say easily. She stares at me for a moment before she sighs and starts digging in another box. "No, I don't need anything extra-"
"That what you said before you ended up pregnant last time," her voice is muffled as she rifles through the box. I feel my cheeks heat up and she snorts.
"Where the fuck did you find those?" I ask as she slips a handful of condoms inside of my bag.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" She smirks. "All in date, they've got another year or so on them."
"I don't want to waste-"
"Charlotte," she just looks at me.
"Fine," I sigh as I add the tampons and pads to my bag as well. "Thank you," I say and she waves me off. I walk away from her table feeling a little lighter. That is, until I get to the next table.
"What'cha need, sweet thing?" A man asks. His blonde hair is slicked back and a cigarette hangs out of his mouth.
"A lighter and some matches," I nod down at his table as I pull out a few ration cards.
"It's free if you want to-"
"Don't have the time, sorry." He huffs but doesn't complain.
"How many do ya want?"
"A couple lighters and as many matches as these cards will get me," I say as I lay the ration cards down on the table. He picks them up and counts through them slowly.
"This'll get you a year's worth if you're careful," he says.
"I'll take it." He grins as he pockets the ration cards and piles up the matches and a couple of lighters. "Wait," I say as I reach for the lighters he grabbed. I test one and it lights before I test the other. It lights, too. I nod and add them to the small bag he put all the matches in.
"Don't trust me sweetheart?"
"Don't trust my own shadow," I say as I take the bag from him. He laughs loudly as I walk away from the table. I slip the smaller bag in my larger one from Miss C before I make my way to one of the last tables by the door. It's a table filled with jackets and cold weather gear.
The older woman sitting at the table nods at me, but she doesn't talk. She never does. I shuffle through the clothes until I find a jacket in Ellie's size. I'd already grabbed a few other sets of clothes throughout the week, but decided to save the winter clothes for last since they're so bulky.
I grab a couple of thick beanies and pairs of gloves before I turn back to the woman. She holds up her hands for how many ration cards she wants. I slip in a few extra. She always made sure Aiden was warm, even when I didn't have the ration cards for his clothes.
"Thank you," I whisper to her as I slip the beanies and gloves into my bag. I throw the jacket over my arm as I walk to the next table.
It's filled with protein bars. They taste like shit, but they keep you going if you can't afford food. I grab as many as I can fit in my bag before I pay the man running the table.
"Wait a sec, kid," he says as he digs in a bag behind him. He pulls out a small water purification device. We use a version of them to filter the water we get as part of our rations in the QZ, but this one is different. It's meant for use in streams and other natural water sources. "On the house," he says as he slips it in my bag.
"Thanks," I say as I shift my bag in my arms.
"You take care of us, it's time we took care of you," he says as he leans back in his chair. News of the Fireflies leaving the city must have spread. That's not good at all.
I force myself to smile and nod politely before I leave his table for the door.
"Charlotte," a voice calls out. I turn to see Kai, leaning against the wall of the warehouse. They used to be a Firefly before they were injured on a supply run. Now they focus on black market weapons deals.
"What's up?" I ask as I walk over to them. They run a hand through their short auburn hair before they pull a gun in a holster from behind their back. "Kai-"
"Stay alive, idiot," they say and I let out a sigh.
"I'll try. Everyone in the QZ know?"
"No, but we could guess with the amount of people comin' through," they say as they step closer to me. "I mean it, whatever you do, stay alive."
"I'll do everything I can, Kai," I whisper before they move forward and press their lips to mine. It's slow, gentle. Something we've never been. I feel something wet on my cheek and I don't know if it's my tears or Kai's.
They pull away from the kiss and rest their forehead against mine.
"What do you need from me?" They ask as they move their hand to cup my cheek. They run a finger across my cheekbone as they look at me.
"I know you don't normally carry messages-"
"I'll do it," they cut me off. "Is it bad?" They whisper.
"The worst." My voice cracks and they sigh. "Make sure no one sees you, they're under the fridge."
"I love you, Char" is all they say.
"I love you, too." They smile sadly before kissing me one more time and pulling away.
"Go on, they're closing soon."
I can only nod and turn away. I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand as I step out of the shadows and walk out the door of the warehouse. I take a shaky breath once I'm outside before I set my shoulders.
I don't have time for this now.
After the door of my apartment is locked, I lean against it for a second. And then I push myself off of it and drop my earlier purchases on the couch beside my pack. I walk through the apartment to the kitchen and lay on the floor to look under the fridge.
I let out a breath when I see the letters are still there. One for the families of each of the children on that list. Once the Fireflies realize that Ellie isn't their magic miracle cure, they'll move onto the next kid. And if I'm going out, I might as well go out in flames.
I pull the remaining ration cards out of my pocket and leave them under the fridge for Kai. It should hold them over for a while.
As I stand up from the floor, the drawing on the fridge catches my eyes. Two figures stand beside each other, holding hands. One is tiny with brown hair and skin. They wear a bright blue shirt and tan pants. The taller person next to them has long red hair and wears a flowy dress.
The picture is messy. Like all children's art is.
But Aiden spent over an hour working on it one night while I was cooking dinner. My hand shakes as I pull it from the fridge. When I hold it in my hands and look back to the fridge, the spot where it had been is lighter than the rest of the fridge surrounding it.
He drew it the night before he died. I just haven't had it in me to pull it down.
It's one of the last things of his I have in the apartment. Only a few things remain, this drawing, a few of his favorite stuffed animals - a giraffe, a dinosaur, and a cow, and one of his favorite comics in Savage Starlight. The rest has gone to kids who are still living.
I carefully fold the drawing before I go over to my pack and open it. I slip the drawing into the waterproof bag that holds Aiden's Savage Starlight comic and some of our documents.
I start adding other things to my pack quickly as I look at my watch. I've only got a few minutes before I need to be back. Once everything is packed, I walk around the apartment one last time.
Nothing is missing or out of place. I nod to myself before I start throwing blankets and anything I can move around. When I'm done, the apartment is pure chaos.
I close my eyes and count backwards from ten.
I open my eyes and walk back to the couch. I throw my pack over my shoulders before I hang Ellie's jacket over my arm. I walk out of the apartment, not bothering to lock the door behind me. When FEDRA comes looking for me, they'll think I was kidnapped, not that I left on my own.
It's better that way, just in case.
I walk slowly through the QZ. Only through the shadows of the buildings, turning down another alley whenever I see a glimpse of someone else. It takes longer than I'd like to get back to the safe house.
And when I do, my heart plummets.
The guards at the door are dead. I hear a bang and start running through the halls and up the stairs for Ellie's room. When I get to the right floor, I freeze. There's more bodies on the ground and I hear voices.
I slip Ellie's jacket through my backpack strap and let it hang as I pull out the small gun Kai gave me just half an hour ago. I hold it in front of me as I turn the corner.
When I see what's in the hall, I freeze. Of all people in the QZ, Tess points her gun directly at me.
"Put it down, Charlotte," I hear Marlene's voice. It sounds strained, tired. I slowly lower the gun and put it back in the holster that's tucked into the back of my pants. I hold my hands up as I move to the side.
Joel Miller points his gun at Marlene and Kim. Ellie sits on the floor beside him, her eyes are wide as she looks at me. Her switchblade is under his feet.
"Charlotte will go with you," Marlene says.
"Like hell-"
"She's a nurse," Marlene cuts Tess off. "She can clean you up once you get to the state house, get you some extra medical supplies when you get there, too."
"Shit," I whisper when I shift to see Marlene fully. Her hand covers her abdomen, it's covered in blood. Kim is, too.
"Yeah, I shouldn't have trusted Robert," Marlene gives a crooked grin. "They're going to take Ellie to the state house, you'll go with them, get them what they want, and then go with Ellie out west."
"And you?"
"I'll follow you if I don't die of blood loss in this damn hallway," she says as she leans against the wall.
"We didn't agree to nothin', yet." Tess says, her voice hard as she looks back at Marlene.
"Then talk," Marlene nods towards the end of the hall behind me. Joel looks back at Tess who nods. Neither of them move their guns as they walk by me. Joel kicks Ellie's switchblade down the hall a foot past me and I sigh.
"Really?" I ask Marlene. I've never interacted with Tess or Joel, I've made sure to stay away from them. Trouble follows smugglers more than anyone else.
"They're our only choice," Marlene says. And for once, she sounds defeated. I nod before I turn my head back to look at Tess and Joel. I look at them for a second before I turn my body and walk a foot closer to them with my hands raised. Joel moves his gun to point it at me, but I ignore him.
I pick up Ellie's switchblade and close it before I walk back over to her.
"Do I even want to know?" I ask her and she looks down at the floor. "Alright, I don't want to know," I crouch down and hand her her knife. "Keep it in your pocket, not where people can grab it." She nods, still not looking at me.
"We'll do it," Tess finally says.
"Go get your bag, Ellie," Marlene says. Ellie finally looks up at me, but I don't nod my head. I just look right back at her. She stands and walks back into her room. She's out a few seconds later and Marlene nods towards Tess and Joel. Ellie and I both follow the clear instruction.
I nod for Ellie to go in front of me, behind Tess. We go to turn the corner, but I pause when I hear Marlene's voice.
"Charlotte," she says. "Keep her safe."
"I will."
"Joel?" Marlene asks as he continues to have his gun trained on her. "Don't fuck this up. Please." He doesn't say anything and I take that as my cue to turn around the corner.
This is even worse than what I thought it was going to be.
"Really?" Ellie calls out as soon as Tess shuts the door behind her and Joel. Ellie huffs and starts walking around the apartment. She picks up a book from the dining table and starts flipping through it.
Until she pauses on one page.
"Sixty, nothing in. Seventy, new stock. Eighty, x?" Ellie asks quietly. I just shrug.
"No clue," I whisper to her as I walk to look out of the windows. The rain from just a few minutes ago has cleared and the sun shines brightly outside.
"I'm guessing it's the eras of music that mean different things for a code, but I don't know what '80s is," she says.
"The best music," I say as I turn back to her.
"Wake me up before you go, go?" She asks awkwardly and I snort.
"There's a lot of songs that are better than that."
"Like what?" She asks as she flips to a new page.
"All my ex's live in Texas?"
"Do they?" She asks and I snort.
"No, I wasn't in Texas long enough for that," I say as I move the curtain in front of me slightly. "I Wanna Dance with Somebody might be my favorite '80s song."
"That's by," Ellie pauses and I look back to see her looking down a page. "Whitney Houston?"
"The Voice," I smile at her before I turn back to the window. I hear her take a breath like she's going to say something, but the door of the apartment slams open.
"I'll be back later," Tess says and the next second, she's gone.
"So who's Bill and Frank?" Ellie asks after Joel walks into the room and sits down on the couch. Joel just looks at her.
"The radio is a smuggling code, right?" She asks when he doesn't answer. "'60s song we don't have anything new, '70s they've got new stuff, what's '80s?" She asks as Joel stands and pulls the song book out of her hands and throws it back on the table.
"What are you doing?" She asks as Joel lays down on the couch.
"Killing time."
"What are we supposed to do?" She asks.
"I'm sure you'll figure that out, just don't leave or touch anything." Ellie sighs as she picks the song book back up and walks over to an arm chair across from the couch.
"Your watch is broken," she says before she curls up in the chair. I close my eyes for a second before opening them again. She had such good preservation skills with the Fireflies. It's like she used them all up as soon as she left the safe house.
"Here," I say as I walk over to her. I pull the jacket from my backpack strap and drape it over her.
"I don't want to take your jacket," she says as she looks out the window.
"Good thing it's yours, then," I say as I turn and drop my pack before I sit on the floor in front of her. I pull her bag from the floor a bit away.
"What are you doing?" She asks as she leans over my shoulder.
"Adding things to your pack," I say as I start slipping her other cold weather gear from my pack to hers.
"What's that?" She asks as she looks in my pack. I look down to see where she's pointing and roll my eyes. Of course she'd be interested in a gun.
"Nonya," I say offhandedly.
"Nonya what?"
"Nonya business," I say. I hear a snort and look up at Joel. His eyes are still closed and his breathing is even.
"Is that an old person saying?" She asks as she looks over at him. My lips twitch and I'm glad his eyes are closed. I use her distraction to slip some of the protein bars and matches into her bag.
"You're a baby, anyone over twenty is an old person to you," I say as I start adding some medical gear to her pack, next. Mainly gauze, but there's a small tourniquet kit I swiped from FEDRA, too.
"What's that?" She asks.
"Tourniquet kit," I say as I zip up her pack and then my own.
"A tourniquet?"
"You use it to cut off blood flow?"
"Isn't that a bad thing?" She asks.
"Not when you've been shot. I'll teach you how to use it later."
"Can I have a gun?" She asks.
"Sure, when you're older."
"I'm older than when you told me that," she says and I laugh.
"Get some rest, Ellie."
"No fun," she grumbles, but I hear her move in her seat. I relax back against the armchair and close my own eyes. I hear Joel mumble and open my eyes, but he's fully asleep now, his breathing is even and his eyes are shut.
"You were late," Ellie whispers.
"I was, I'm sorry."
"I'm not," she says after a few minutes of silence. "I was at first, but if you were there, you'd be dead now."
"I probably would be."
"I'm glad you're not."
"Me too, kiddo."
"I'm gonna sleep now," her speech is slurred and I grin. Of course Ellie would be the type of kid to fight off sleep.
I keep my eyes on the door until I can't anymore.
This kid is going to be the death of me.