AN: And here we go! See, I promised to get the second half of the chapter out tonight! We have finally arrived at Bella's change, but don't fear, the story certainly doesn't end here. I would be oh so grateful to hear what you think. Also, to celebrate the 20th chapter perhaps we can reach 150 follows? Or dare I hope for 100 Favorites? Either way I am so glad you are here. Enjoy!

Bella's POV

As soon as we reached the house I made a beeline for my bedroom. Perhaps it was rude of me to brush past everyone else in the entryway but I knew the rest of the family would want to speak with Alice, intent on hearing every detail from the vision for themselves. All I craved was a few moments alone to try and gather my thoughts. I didn't need the play-by-play of what she'd seen, the outcome would remain the same for me either way.

I clambered up the stairs and moved as quickly as I could down the hallway. Having reached the privacy of my room, I closed the door behind me and strode across to the paned windows. I flipped up the latch in the middle and both of them swung inwards, accompanied by a gust of frigid winter air. With my hands clutching the window frame, I stared out at the surrounding countryside and gulped down the fresh air now blowing in through the open window. Our car ride home had not lasted more than ten minutes, but the confined space had made it nearly impossible for me to think straight. Now I found myself relishing each cool breath that reached my lungs, and I began to relax as my heart rate slowed to normal.

So the date for my change gets bumped up, did it really matter? In the grand scheme of things, four or five days was hardly significant. But I was still frustrated. Sure I was afraid, but I was more bitter than anything else. It felt as though everything that had happened during the last few months had been completely out of my control. When Aro had afforded us the chance to return to France and perform the change on our own terms I had felt so much more self-assured. Of course, a week wasn't a huge reprieve or anything, but at least it had been a step up from Carlisle being forced to change me in that horrible castle. My skin prickled with goosebumps as my mind conjured an image of Carlisle leaning over me in that spine-chilling throne room, Aro watching greedily from nearby.

I shook my head to dispel the thought. No, even if I were to be changed today instead of later in the week I could still attempt to maintain some level of control over the situation. Closing the window I turned and shuffled around the room, feeling as though I ought to be preparing myself somehow. But what would that even look like? Should I take a shower? Tidy up? There was no manual for the situation I now found myself in. A soft knock at the door gave me something else to focus on, and when I opened the door I found Esme standing in the hallway.

"Can I come in?" Her eyes creased in the corners as she looked at me with worry. For a second I couldn't fathom how anyone could call Esme a 'cold one'. To me she had always been the embodiment of warmth and affection.

I stepped back and gestured for her to come in, "Of course. I'm sorry for not saying hi earlier, I just needed a second to pull myself together."

She reached out and gave my uninjured arm a light squeeze, "There's no need to apologize. Is there anything I can do for you?"

A huff of air escaped me as I gave a humorless laugh, "I don't know. No, I don't think so. I mean, there's nothing left to do now but the change itself, right?"

She thought for a moment before answering, "No, I suppose there isn't." She looked at me tenderly, as a mother would look at her daughter on the eve of any life-changing event, an encouraging smile for support. My nerves began to settle. Esme continued, "You've always been so brave, I truly admire you, Bella."

Mumbling, I evaded her compliment, "I'm not that brave."

I sunk into the tweed armchair and shook my head. "At least I don't feel brave. I mean, I know I am making the right choice, I know I am meant for your world. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. But- these feelings that remain, this anger and despair for what happened with Edward, I'm terrified it's going to carry over into my new life. Carlisle told me back in Volterra that the venom heals physical wounds but that it's more complicated when it comes to emotional scars. Does that mean I will be frozen in this state of anxiety? If I am angry with him now, will I be stuck like that afterwards, a roadblock to moving forward together? That is, if that truly is what he wants…"

Esme smiled softly and moved to sit on the end of the bed. A thoughtful expression settled over her features and her gentle voice drifted over to me.

"Is that what you wish, to move forward? To heal?"

Her question confused me, why wouldn't I want to heal? I still imagined a future with Edward, it was simply the path that would lead me there that was murky and filled with several uncomfortable discussions. After a lifetime of sacrificing my own wants and needs to accommodate those around me, I dreaded the moment when I would have to confront him about what happened. But I wanted a chance to do just that.

"Yes, of course!" I assured her.

She nodded thoughtfully. "Well, then, I think that will make all the difference."

At the sight of my skeptical look she explained further, "Had you been the vindictive type, I think it would have been much more difficult to reconcile after the change. But you are compassionate and understanding, you are determined to mend. It's that determination and that love that will carry through, not the anxiety. Not the fear."

Her words settled over me and I began to feel hopeful for what was to come.

"I'm not saying it will come to you right away, but with a little time, and a little patience, you'll find your happiness again, dear."

Her words felt too good to be true, "How can you be sure?"

A shadow of sadness blinked across her face before she recovered herself and smiled at me, "Because I found mine."

Before I could ask what she meant, Esme began to tell me her story. She started from the moment she first met Carlisle as a tree-climbing young woman and moved on to the years of abuse she suffered at the hands of her first husband.

"I never forgot the handsome doctor who listened to me with such interest and care. And in my darkest moments I would recall his face and tell myself that if such goodness existed in the world then there was still a chance for me to find it for myself."

Upon discovering she was pregnant, she gathered the courage and strength to leave in order to begin a new life on her own. But then she lost her newborn son. And what had felt to her like her last chance at finding joy had been snatched away.

"I still yearned for happiness," she explained. "If I had thought there was any chance of finding it I might have been able to survive. But holding that helpless still boy in my arms crushed my will to seek out the love I was so desperate for." Esme had gone through the transformation with emotional scars much deeper and numerous than my own. But despite her pain, she had been determined to make the most of her second chance. She had chosen love over regret, and had at last found peace in her new immortal life.

Her story had left me speechless. But her words had empowered me. If she had been able to overcome so much agony then I knew I could do the same. I stood up and walked towards her, wrapping my arm around her waist and letting my head come to rest on her stonelike shoulder. She reached out and held me against her.

"You can do this, Bella. And we will be right here with you."

Her arms tightened around me briefly before she stood and made her way back to the door.

She looked back at me solemnly, "Alice is growing anxious, if it's alright with you I will send Carlisle up?"

I nodded, "Thank you, Esme, for everything."

Carlisle's POV

I had never changed someone that knew what was coming. I had never changed someone that was alert enough to watch as I leaned forward and placed my teeth at their neck. None of them had been in a position to give me their consent. Bella would be the first. So why was I finding it so much more difficult to envision the physical act of changing her? It seemed to me as though it should be the opposite, that her consent should liberate me from the shame and guilt of what I was about to do. And yet I found myself almost wincing at the idea of biting her while she lay there, conscious and waiting.

Perhaps the other times had been easier because in some part of my mind I viewed the change as I would any other life-saving treatment. With each of my family members I had been in the mindset of a physician. Either I had found them in the hospital as was the case with Edward or Esme, or because when I came face to face with their injuries I first tried to assess if it would be possible to save them otherwise, such as with Rosalie and Emmett. The change had been a last resort, a desperate act to save the goodness I had seen in each of them. An instinctual pull to bring them into this immortal life with me. In each of those moments, the healer in me had been more present than the vampire. But with Bella that was not the case.

She was not here because of a fatal illness or injury. I was not at her side scrambling to save her humanity, doing everything in my power to keep her heart beating. No, she was innocent and whole. She was in this position solely because of her association with my family. When I finally built up the courage to walk upstairs and change her it would be because I was a vampire and she was a human and I had been tasked with ending her mortal life. I had never felt more like the monster I was. I had a newfound understanding for Edward's refusal to change her himself. And though I was weary about the change, I was relieved that it would ultimately be my burden to bear instead of his.

Alice joined me at the bottom of the staircase and both of us looked up towards the bedroom where we could hear Bella pacing. "It's time. Everything will be okay, Carlisle."

I looked down and smiled at her, "Thank you, Alice."

"We'll be down here if you need anything." She took a step back and watched as I disappeared up the dark staircase. Halfway up I crossed paths with Esme, who paused on the step above me. I had listened earlier as she shared her story with Bella and worried now that recalling such violent memories had been distressing for her. It was a topic she rarely brought up with anyone other than myself. She must have suspected what I would say and reassured me before I could ask.

"I'm just fine, Carlisle. It was a long time ago now," she reminded me.

"I know, but I still can't help but worry about you." I climbed a couple of more stairs and bent down to kiss the top of her head.

"I love you, Carlisle. And she does, too, you know. Don't doubt that." Esme reached up and held my face between her hands as she spoke, willing me to see the fervent truth of what she said reflected in her eyes.

"Thank you, darling," my hushed voice traveled no further than our embrace. And then she was gone and I continued up the stairs on my own, making not a sound as I arrived at the furthest bedroom.

With one hand I reached up and knocked softly on the door. To me it felt as though the sound echoed off the chestnut wood, alerting the entire house to my arrival. The silence at my back told me that the home's other inhabitants waited in inhuman stillness, not even a breath of air escaping them. Only the occasional draft slipped under the doorways, the house hardly daring to breathe itself.

Bella took a deep breath before speaking, "Come in."

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. Bella stood at the window, watching as the sun neared the horizon in its nightly descent. Then she spoke without turning to look at me, her voice steady.

"They'll be here soon."

The words came out as a statement instead of a question, but I answered her regardless. My head gave a solemn nod. "They will."

She seemed hesitant to tear herself away from the frost-tinted window panes but after a few more moments she turned and faced me, her expression unreadable. Without a word she made her way to the side of the bed and sat down, her legs just long enough so that the tips of her toes brushed against the rug beneath her feet. I took a couple of small steps in her direction.

"I have to ask- are you absolutely positive that this is what you'd like, Bella?" I knew what her answer would be- but I had to afford her one last chance to back out. I would not deprive her of that.

She scoffed, an almost impatient sound if it wasn't for the endearing smile that curled up at the corner of her lips, "What? And have the Volturi guard arrive here in a few minutes and slaughter the entire family?"

Downstairs I heard Emmett grumble, "We could take them". I didn't need to be in their presence to imagine the numerous eyerolls the others would resort to in response to his naive overconfidence.

"Well, I admit the alternatives are not very promising. But I just wanted to be absolutely sure."

She responded confidently, "I understand. But even beyond the whole 'Volturi threatening our lives' thing, I want you to change me. If what you say is true, and there is a possibility of me regaining the happiness I once had with Edward, then I am willing to take the risk. Please, Carlisle."

"Of course. In that case, we don't have much time to spare. I've prepared some morphine, if you'd like me to try that. Though I prefer to be honest with you and say that I am doubtful in regards to its efficacy. In a normal human body an injection such as this only lasts for several hours. Once the venom is in your system I fear it will burn through the morphine rapidly, negating its effects. But it may help in those first few hours."

She thought about it for a second and grimaced "I hate needles, you know."

I held back a grin, "I remember." The irony of someone with a fear of needles asking to become a vampire had never been lost on any of us.

"But- I suppose even if it helps the tiniest bit it will be worth it. Go ahead," she acquiesced.

I pulled the small leather case from the front pocket of my vest, taking care to move at human speed. Bella looked the other way as I prepared the needle, her breathing becoming more shallow in anticipation of the prick.

"Take a few deep breaths, Bella." She did as I asked and on her second intake of breath I injected the morphine. I had everything packed up and tucked back into my pocket before she finished her third exhale. "All done."

"So, this is it then?" Her frankness caught me unawares. Her strength and conviction in regards to what was about to happen bolstered my own courage.

I bowed my head in acknowledgement, "When you're ready."

Bella took another deep breath and laid back, her head resting on one of the white pillows, her eyes staring up at the ceiling. In what could only have been described as an attempt at reassurance, either for her sake or mine, she gave a half-hearted smile. But silent tears slipped from the corners of each of her eyes, betraying her efforts. My stomach tightened, the remorse I felt seemed to pull all of the air from the room.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying. I mean, I do, but I'm not afraid. I trust you completely. And I'm not upset with you, Carlisle."

I leaned back against the edge of her bed for a moment, staring at my hands as they lay folded in my lap. Would she think I was praying? Perhaps I should have been.

My head turned in her direction, "It's okay, Bella. You don't have to apologize for crying. You are allowed to be scared and angry and sorrowful. You are allowed to mourn. And if it helps, you can be upset with me. You don't have to maintain a brave face for my sake."

Her gaze remained fixed on the ceiling, as more tears slid down and dampened the pillowcase beneath her head. From downstairs I heard Alice speak in an urgent whisper that only immortal ears would hear, "Fifteen minutes…"

Before long, Bella's brown eyes met my amber ones and her hand reached out to me. I clasped it in my own and felt the warmth radiate up my arm, a final reminder of the humanity she was about to lose.

"I'm ready, Carlisle."

I could do no more than nod in response to her words. She closed her eyes, a look of peace settling over her features. Taking a deep breath I leaned forward with renewed determination, my eyes stinging with nonexistent tears as her own continued to fall in a final silent expression of grief.

In little more than a murmur I promised, "I will not fail you. Forgive me, Bella."

With the pressure of the Volturi's imminent arrival on my conscience, and my deeply buried instinct causing venom to pool in my mouth, I bowed my head in the direction of her throat. My own eyes closed as I bared my teeth and punctured the delicate skin, venom racing into the veins. I heard her surprised gasp and felt her grip on my hand slacken. My control was well-practiced, but I could still feel as my free hand clenched into a fist against the pull of human blood. In a flurry of movement I repeated the necessary wounds on both of her wrists and down on her ankles, hoping the numerous points of entry would allow the venom to work more quickly.

And then I could do nothing more but wait. I dropped to my knees, overcome with disgust for what I was and what I had been forced to do. But at the same time I allowed myself to feel optimistic. To hope that my family would soon be whole once again.

Bella's POV

Beyond the sharp sting of each bite, the fire began as little more than a smolder. No worse than a fever raising my body's temperature by a few degrees. For a second I allowed myself to hope that the morphine was working. But what began as embers soon grew into full grown flames. Flames licked up each limb, wrapping themselves around my neck, encasing me in a suffocating embrace of blistering heat. I could hear a groan and wondered what was wrong with Carlisle. Did he regret changing me? Had something gone wrong? The groaning grew louder and it dawned on me that it was not Carlisle making such gut-wrenching sounds but me. It baffled me that any sound could escape past the roaring wall of fire that surrounded me.

A glacial touch grazed my arm. An image of Renee swirled in my memory. A cool washcloth in her hand, the soft touch of her fingers brushing hair from my brow, the trickle of water from the cloth dripping down my fevered forehead. I tried to focus on the point of freezing reprieve offered to me now, was it Carlisle? No, I could hear a woman's voice speaking, shushing as one would comfort a crying infant. Esme then. Either way, the icy pressure on my arm could do little to fight against the inferno that was now raging through every vein and artery my body had spent the last eighteen years making.

I could no longer tell where one part of my body began and another ended. It was all the same blaze. My mind was searching desperately for some kind of exit. Would I lose consciousness? Or would the venom keep me awake for every second of its torture? As the heat that engulfed me pulsated to higher and higher temperatures I could sense myself being pulled under some kind of oblivion. I ran towards it eagerly. Then, just before I succumbed to the fiery abyss, a sudden piercing sound rent the air. It rang over and over, and it occurred to me that I was hearing someone's phone ring. Why wasn't anyone answering? Perhaps I was imagining it, but the sound had been so clear. At last Carlisle's voice broke through the dense wall of smoke and flames.

"Edward."

The burning engulfed me, and I crumbled beneath the wildfire.