Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy - Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy - Big & Rich, 2004
When I come to, things are blurry first. But then everything is bright. Too bright. I groan and drop my head into Joel's neck.
Wait.
Joel's-
"What?" I whisper.
"We're getting around to the other side of the building to hide out for a second," Joel whispers. "Part of the ceiling came down, hit you in the head."
"Shit."
"Ellie got a gun from Bill and Frank's," Joel says. "Managed to come through and shoot the last guy that attacked us."
"Double shit. Did she-"
"One of them. I got the other."
"I'm sorry," I say as I relax against his back.
"I can already tell what she had to do hurt her," he says. His pain is clear in his voice.
"We're fucked," I whisper to him.
"Yeah, but we'll get through it," he says as he pushes a door open.
"Char!" Ellie says as soon as Joel shuts the door behind us.
"In a second, kiddo," Joel says as he and Ellie push the heavy desk against the door. As soon as it's in place and Joel turns around, Ellie puts our bags on the table.
"I'm good. I'm okay. I managed to grab mine and Char's bags. I've still got some food in mine and I got your light," she says as she hands Joel his flashlight. My arm is still heavy as I reach down and find my guns are all in their holsters.
"Got your gun before I ran," Joel says to me.
"What's next?" Ellie asks.
"Can you carry both your packs?" He asks.
"Yeah," Ellie nods as she puts my bag on her back and hers around her front.
"I can-" I try to slide off Joel's back but his hands come down to my thighs and grabs them tightly, holding me in place.
"We'll go up, see if we can find a route out," Joel says as he turns and walks towards a metal door.
"I can at least hold the flashlight," I sigh and he holds it up to me. I cut it on as soon as we walk through the door.
"Stay close," he tells Ellie.
"Got it," she says. We walk through the building until we reach another door. Joel taps the side of my leg and I cut off my light as he opens it.
It's to the outside. He peeks around the corner before he walks outside, crouching behind an old car. A couple armored trucks drive by as people yell.
"Bryan?"
"Bryan, where are you?"
"Body, body, they got fucking Bryan!"
Joel runs across the alley and opens another door before he looks back at Ellie and nods his head. He slips inside, holding the door open for her and shutting it firmly behind us. Joel taps my leg again and I turn on his flashlight as we walk through another dark building.
We end up in what seems to be an old bar. Joel taps my leg again and I turn off the flashlight as we walk into the main room. The windows are covered with newspapers and the door is blocked with nailed pieces of wood.
"Well," I say quietly. "This really does bring a new meaning to that Big & Rich song."
"Which one?" Joel asks as he walks to look out of the windows.
"Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy."
"Jesus fuckin' Christ, Char," he says as his shoulders start to shake. He leans down and sits me on a bench as Ellie sits down on the floor by my feet.
"But her evaluation of my cowboy reputation had me begging for salvation all night long," I whisper to Joel and he finally breaks.
"That sounds so fuckin' wrong with that accent," he says as his warm chuckle fills the freezing bar.
"Pretty sure I've got a concussion," I say as Ellie grabs onto my pants leg.
"You definitely got a concussion," Joel says.
"But I'll be fine, sweetheart." I tell Ellie as Joel pulls one of the newspapers off the front window to look outside.
"You-you I thought you-" she shakes her head before she hides her face in my leg.
"Oh kiddo," I whisper. "Come here." She comes up to sit on the bench beside me. Once she seems settled, she hides her face in my arm. I move it quickly before she can get a death grip on it and wrap it around her shoulders. Her head hits my shoulder before I feel the fabric of my shirt start to get wet.
We sit like that in silence. Joel watches outside as Ellie's tears begin to dry.
"They're not FEDRA," she finally says as she turns her head to look at Joel's back. "And they're not fireflies, so who are they?"
"People," Joel says.
"Ah, yes. I'm sorry, I thought they were flesh eating monsters-"
"Ellie," I whisper as I run my hand over her head. "They're not FEDRA, they're not Fireflies. They could be a random militia group, hunters, some other random name they came up with for themselves."
"That doesn't tell me anything," Ellie says.
"And sometimes, that's just how it is. All we need to be focused on is getting out of here."
"Are we okay in here?" She asks.
"For a little bit, maybe," Joel says from his crouched position at the window. "Looks like they're checkin' the apartment buildings first. But they'll be comin' through these places soon enough." He finally turns back around to look at us before he puts his hands on his knees and pushes himself up. He walks over to a table and sits down as Ellie leaves my side to take his spot at the window.
It reminds me of being a kid and waiting for a bad storm to roll through. My dad and grandpa always took turns looking out of the window. As soon as I tried to go, I would always be called away.
"Ellie," I say softly.
"There's a really big ass building like four blocks away," she says as she looks outside.
"Yeah. Saw it," Joel says.
"So that's the one?"
"As soon as we don't hear a truck, we move," Joel says. He rests his hand on his head at the table as Ellie walks away from the window to sit on the floor across from him.
"Are you okay?" Ellie asks. "That guy, his gun, he was choking you-"
"What?" I ask as I look at Joel.
"I'm okay," he says as he looks at Ellie. "Really," he turns to look at me. "And you ain't in no shape to be mad when you moved when I told you not to!"
"Joel-"
"No," he cuts me off. "You ain't leavin' my sight. And you sure ain't making any decisions or tryin' to take care of us when you've got a damn concussion, Char." I sigh and look down at my shaking hands in my lap.
"I know I'm going to slow you both down-"
"Don't," he shakes his head. "Don't even think about it." But it's already too late for me not to think about it. If I go to whoever this is, they have a scapegoat. They do what they want with me and Ellie and Joel can-
"Stop," Joel all but growls and I look up at him. There's no room for arguing with him. His face makes that very clear.
I nod my head silently.
"Are you okay?" Joel asks, turning to Ellie.
"Yeah," she pulls her knees up and rests her arms on them. Joel looks up before he shakes his head.
"Thing is, I didn't hear that guy comin', and you shouldn't have had to," Joel pauses. "You shouldn't have had to hurt him."
"Well, you're glad I did, right?" Ellie asks.
"You're just a kid," Joel says. "You shouldn't know what it means to-" he shakes his head again as he looks away. "I know what it feels like, that first time you hurt someone like that." He looks down at his hand before he looks back at Ellie.
"If you ever w-uh-" he sighs. "I'm not good at this."
"Yeah, you really aren't," Ellie says as she looks at his feet.
"I mean it was my fault. You shouldn't have had to. And I'm sorry." Ellie looks away when Joel finishes speaking. She starts wiping at her eyes and I hear a sniffle. All I want to do is go wrap her in my arms.
But this is something she and Joel need to get through together. I don't know everything that happened. I'll bug Joel later until he tells me. But Ellie needs the person she went through that with. She needs Joel. Just as much Joel needs her.
"It wasn't my first time," Ellie says. Joel looks up at the ceiling before he pulls a gun from his pocket. He looks over at me for a second and I nod my head slightly.
He pulls the magazine out before he clears the chamber. The bullet clinks as it hits the floor. He stands up and walks over. And then Joel kneels down in front of Ellie.
"Show me your grip," he says. She takes the gun into her hands carefully. She moves it around in her right hand.
"Finger off the trigger," Joel says. She looks up at him after a moment and he sighs.
"Now, who taught you that?"
"FEDRA school," Ellie says.
"Figures," Joel and I say at the same time. Ellie looks over at me and grins.
"Hey now, pay attention," Joel says, getting her attention once again. He grabs her left hand and puts it over her right. "Left hand squeezes down on the right."
Ellie nods.
"You got it?"
She nods again, uncharacteristically quiet for her. But in a way it's understandable. This is the most gentle, most caring Joel has been with her since we left Boston.
Their first major bonding moment is over how to hold a gun correctly.
It doesn't surprise me.
"Look it," Joel shakes the top of the gun, and Ellie doesn't lose her grip. He pulls it once, and then a second time, finally pulling a small giggle out of Ellie.
"Okay?" He asks.
Ellie nods.
He holds his hand out for the gun and puts the bullet that fell to the floor earlier in the magazine. He slips the magazine in before he hands it to her. She holds it in her hand for a second before she goes to put it in her pocket.
"Uh-uh," Joel shakes his head. I bite my lip to stop my laugh from spilling out. "You put it in your pack." Joel stands from his crouched position. "You'll shoot your damn ass off."
"But Char-"
"Has a holster. You don't. In your pack, Ellie."
"Char," she looks at me and I pull my holster off the back of my jeans.
"Holster. If you find one with your sticky fingers you can clip it to your pants," I say as I slip it back in place.
"No fun," she says under her breath as Joel starts pulling the boards off the front door of the bar. I shake my head and close my eyes. I take deep breaths as nausea takes over.
"Char?" Ellie asks. Her voice is closer when I feel her hands on my knees.
"Nauseous. Just give me a second."
"Don't have the time," Joel says. I force my eyes open and see him walking over. He waves Ellie to the side before he turns around in front of me. "Help her get up," he says as he looks over at Ellie.
"I can-"
"You can't." They say at the same time. They look at each other awkwardly for a second before Ellie's hands are on my arm. I groan as I stand, the entire room spins. But I'm able to hook my arms over Joel's shoulders and around his neck.
"Jump when I say," Joel says and I nod against his back. "Go." I jump up, not as high as I should've been able to, but Joel is able to grab my legs and pull me up. I wrap my legs around his waist as Ellie starts putting on our bags.
Joel walks over to the front of the bar and looks out from behind the newspapers once again. He moves one of his hands from my leg to rest on the door knob as Ellie walks over.
"We'll get through this," Joel says.
"I know," Ellie says.
Joel opens the door and steps out into the city.
"You're not carrying me anymore," I say as we get to the dark stairwell.
"Char-" Joel starts but I pinch his side and he flinches just enough for me to slide off his back.
"We need to get up as many flights as possible. I've already slowed us down enough."
Joel sighs, but he doesn't argue as he takes his flashlight from me. I reach out for my bag but Ellie steps away.
"Nope."
"Can I atleast have my flashlight?" She pulls it off my backpack strap and hands it to me.
"I'll stay at the back," Ellie says as she nods for me to follow Joel. I reach out and ruffle her hair before I turn to follow Joel.
We make our way up the stairs carefully. Joel's head turns back to look at me and Ellie briefly every few steps. As though he's afraid we'll disappear.
His breath starts getting more labored the higher we go. My dizziness gets worse with each flight of stairs, too. My hand grips at the railing as I try to swallow away my nausea. It doesn't really work.
"Hey, you know that guy who said he was hurt?" Ellie suddenly says. I almost trip up a step but catch myself. Joel's eyes cut back at me before he turns back to the stairs in front of him. "How did you know it was an ambush?"
Joel stops and leans against the railing.
"I've been on both sides," he says as he catches his breath. "It was a long time ago, we did what we needed to survive."
"You and Tess?" Ellie asks, shifting behind me.
"And the people we were with. My brother, too."
"Did you kill innocent people?" Ellie asks. Joel looks up at the stairs before he takes another step up.
"Come on," he says. And that's enough of an answer.
I force myself to keep walking up the stairs behind him. The second I saw the recognition in Joel's eyes in the truck, I knew that he'd been on both sides. I don't blame him. He and Tommy had a hard time getting all the way up to Boston.
"What about you, Char?" Ellie asks when I hear her footsteps start to follow us. "How did you know so soon that he wasn't hurt?"
"I fell for it once," I say as my hand tightens on the railing. "When I was seventeen."
"What happened?" Ellie asks. The room spins as images flash in front of my eyes. "I mean, they wanted supplies right? Did you just give them over?"
"When men see a seventeen year old girl alone, they forget about supplies," I blink away the images and focus on the steps in front of me.
"I'm sorry," Ellie says after a few minutes of silence.
"You didn't know," I say. "And you needed to. As long as we're in the city, you listen to us. Do exactly what we say."
"I will," she says quietly.
We go up another flight of stairs and I start seeing spots in my vision.
"Joel," I whisper as he goes to head up another flight. He turns back to look at me and he nods. He takes a step down and goes towards the door to the thirty-third floor. We're all panting by the time we make it through the door.
Joel slides down the wall as soon as we're inside. I lean against the wall beside him. Too afraid to get down to the floor.
"Thirty-three floors. That's good," Ellie says.
"It's gonna have to be," Joel says.
"Come on," Ellie says. She holds a hand out to Joel as she kicks the side of his boot.
"Gimme a minute."
"Get up you lazy ass," Ellie smirks down at him and he sighs. He reaches his hand out and Ellie helps pull Joel to his feet. He grunts when he's finally up.
"Lazy ass, I'm fifty-two years old you little shit." Ellie laughs as she starts to follow him down the hall and I let out a breath. I lean my head back against the wall, closing my eyes for a second.
And then I push myself away and force my feet to follow them.
I hear glass breaking and when I turn a corner I see Joel putting a fire extinguisher down on the ground. He nods for Ellie to go in as he holds the door open for me.
"Watch for the glass," he says. I walk through as carefully as I can. As soon as I'm away from the glass I walk over to an empty wall and slide down it much like Joel did as soon as we got up the stairs.
I watch as Joel starts to sweep the glass into a trashcan. Ellie starts grabbing cushions. She throws three on the floor in a line before she throws three more down a couple feet away. She puts three more cushions down between the others.
She looks over at me and pats the ones she just threw down before she goes back to our bags.
"Not even asking anymore, huh kiddo?" I groan as I force myself to stand and walk over to the makeshift bed.
"Nope. And you're in the middle cause' Joel said you can't leave his sight."
"Could've given a bit more room between the cushions," I say as I fall down on the middle ones. She ignores me. I sigh as I lean back and close my eyes. I feel my head get moved up as a piece of folded up fabric is put under my head.
Ellie flops down on the cushions on my left.
"Joel?" She asks. He doesn't answer as he continues to spread the glass over the floor.
"Joel," she says again. "Joel!"
"What?" He asks.
"What are you doing?" Ellie asks.
"I don't want somebody sneakin' up on us while we're sleepin'."
"Ooooh," Ellie says. "I get it. Crunch, crunch, crunch." I can't help but laugh. Ellie smacks my arm. I open my eyes to see her looking over at Joel.
"Are you sure you're going to be able to hear it?"
"Yes, I'll hear it. That's the damn point of it," Joel huffs as he drops the trashcan off to the side.
"Okay," Ellie says as she lays down beside me. Goodnight!"
"Yeah, goodnight." Joel says as he starts to take off his jacket. He pauses for a second when he sees how close our cushions are and he sighs. He finishes taking off his jacket as he kneels down on the cushions. He starts folding it up, but he stops. Ellie's arm crosses over my stomach as Joel covers me with his jacket.
He lays down on his side, facing away from us. I look at the back of his head for a second before I pull the fabric from under my head. Joel flinches when I touch his head, but he allows me to move it, despite the rest of his muscles being locked up. I slip the fabric under his head and lay his head back down on it.
I rest my head back on the cushion and put my arms on my stomach, one of my hands resting on Ellie's arm. There's quiet for a bit. Too long by our standards with all three of us being awake.
Joel is the one to break the silence.
"Hey," he says.
"Yeah?" Ellie asks. Her head moves to rest on my shoulder.
"When we were talkin' about hurtin' people, what'd you mean it wasn't your first time?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Ellie says as she shifts closer to me and buries her face in my neck. I move my arm from my stomach to wrap around her shoulders.
"All right," Joel says. He's quiet. But then I hear him shift and look over to see him turned on his other side facing us. "You don't have to," he says as he raises himself up on his arm. "I'm just sayin', it isn't fair, your age. Havin' to deal with all of this."
"Does it get easier when you get older?" She asks. Joel shakes his head slightly.
"No, still," his voice trails off.
"The reason I asked if you could hear is that I noticed you don't hear as well from your right side," Ellie says.
"Is it cause' you were shot there?" She asks when he doesn't say anything.
"It's probably more from shooting, kiddo," I say.
"So if you wanna keep hearin' you stick to that knife," Joel says as he turns over again.
"You're too sweet, Cowboy."
"God I can't wait until your concussion is gone," he says. A giggle spills out before I can stop it. My giggles fade soon and we're back in silence.
"Joel?" Ellie breaks it this time.
"Hm?"
"Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?" She asks. Joel turns his head back slightly.
"What?"
"Yeah," Ellie sighs. "It runs in your jeans." Joel turns around more fully this time and just looks at Ellie as she snickers. He turns back over and I can see his shoulders start to shake.
"Jesus," I barely hear his whispered response. Then there's a quiet snort. It's followed by a huff of laughter as Ellie starts laughing beside me.
"That is so goddamn stupid," Joel says. His voice shakes with him trying to control his laughter. I bite my lip as my own shoulders start to shake.
"You laughed, motherfucker," Ellie giggles.
"No I didn't."
"Yes, you did," Ellie and I say at the same time.
"Jesus, I'm losin' it," he sighs.
"You're losin' it big time," Ellie laughs. There's silence. And then they both start laughing again.
I fall asleep to Joel and Ellie's giggles.