Carlisle's POV

All of the ferocity with which Edward had reacted to the news about Bella drained away. The planes of his face softened, no longer carrying the sharp angles of a profile taut in preparation to fight. The flare of rage in his eyes had dulled. Self-loathing took root instead. I watched it sink to his core like a lead weight, his features deflating. It was an emotion I had witnessed him carry time and again over the last century, for before meeting Bella he had often spent days at a time struggling to break the surface of his melancholic thoughts. But the young man in front of me now was drowning faster than he ever had before.

Several seconds passed before he pulled away from Esme's embrace. His onyx eyes were lost in thought, the dark circles beneath them bearing witness to his troubled state. Is this how he had spent the previous months? All light and warmth either extinguished or tucked away so deeply that it was impossible to catch a glimpse of them behind his glacial exterior? Forgoing meals to lose himself in a state of total despondency? In the few weeks that he had remained at home with us he had been a mere shell of his previous self. I had foolishly let myself imagine that hunting Victoria might serve to wake him up, figuratively speaking.

Neither Esme or I spoke. But I could sense Esme's pain as she watched the shame and fear deteriorate her son's emotional state even further. He remained perfectly still, rooted to the spot. The simple fact that he had yet to go racing upstairs was testament enough to his doubts, his apprehension for how his arrival would eventually be accepted by Bella. Or accepted by the others. It was as though he was unsure even of where his place was amongst us. If I had to guess, the thoughts of certain people inside were not as well-guarded as mine, whether intentionally or not. And whatever he was hearing fueled his hesitation.

"What do I do now?" His eyes searched the both of us for an answer before he winced at some unheard thought from in the house. He returned his stare to the dormer window above us, where a soft glow from the bedside lamp provided a contrasting warmth to the chill outside.

Esme's gentle, but forceful words came to rest over the manor's silent grounds, "Just be here, Edward. You belong here, at home with your family."

"I've messed everything up."

"Nothing that can't heal." Her words held a sense of urgency to them, as though she was worried he might leave again if we could not find the words that would convince him to stay.

And then, so quiet that I wondered if he had truly meant for us to hear, his voice cracked, "She will want nothing to do with me after what I did."

For a second I allowed myself to wish that I had an encouraging memory to offer him, a clip to play back of an enthusiastic Bella admitting her persisting love for him. Anything to ignite a spark of hope in the abyss of his eyes. But then I thought of Bella, and what she had endured these past few months. How his words had broken her so wholly. Such a reaction on her part would not have been reassuring but rather quite worrisome. Not to mention out of character. Plus, it would have been an injustice to her to try and hide how damaging our actions had been. No. Instead, recollections of our conversations with Bella from the previous days came to mind and I remembered with sorrow how she had doubted Esme and I. How she had feared that we would abandon her again. Edward's eyes widened as my brief exchange with Bella in Volterra played out, the words imprinting themselves in his memory.

What about other kinds of injuries? Other sources of pain. Does the venom heal emotional wounds as well?

I pictured her as she had been in that bare room. Her sallow skin. Her slender form, so much more fragile-looking than when I had seen her last. Had I been deaf to the sound of her heartbeat I might have believed she was as undead as any of the other inhabitants of the castle. Edward let slip a devastated groan.

"You are her mate, Edward. And you made a grievous mistake, there is no denying that. But her bond to you and your bond with her has not been broken. It simply needs time to mend."

As he struggled to accept my words, a pained moan could be heard through the closed window upstairs. Whispered pleas through clenched teeth. Delirious cries to end the blinding pain.

Alice, please, are you there?

I'm right here Bella, I'm right here.

I can't, Alice, I can't.

You can, Bella. You're almost there.

Another ear-splitting scream.

Despite her previous knowledge of the change, Bella had not escaped the state of blurred reality characteristic of a vampire's transformation. I began to believe that no amount of forewarning would be sufficient enough to undergo the change unscathed. It was an otherworldly occurrence, impossible to communicate in a human frame of reference. Not exactly awake, but not unconscious. Ripped back and forth between a silent suffocating darkness and the unbearable pain of venom scorching through every last cell. At best it was disorienting. Though most would say it brought the mind to the very brink of insanity. It was a moment few of us cared to recall. But we would never be blessed with the bliss of forgetting it either.

The three of us turned in unison and looked towards Bella's window. Esme sighed, her shoulders drooping in resignation. Without another glance our way, she slipped back into the house, likely reclaiming her spot as sentinel at Bella's side. Edward stood, his hands clenching and unclenching into fists at his side. Tension radiated off him as he struggled with the helplessness of the situation. I placed a hand at his back, hardly applying any pressure, but just wanting to remind him that I was there and that he did not have to confront what awaited him on his own. The muscles in his back deflated as his shoulders hunched forward. A deep breath. And then another. With the lightest push I steered him to follow in Esme's wake.

As we entered the house Rosalie came striding downstairs, Emmett following in her wake. While her words were directed at me, her accusatory stare in Edward's direction did not waver.

"What? He gets a hug and then is welcomed home as the prodigal son? Not even one reprimand-"

I cut in, my voice sharp, "Rosalie, that's enough-"

"No. Does he not understand how close he came to destroying the entire family with his actions? Come on, Carlisle, surely you aren't just letting him off the hook like that? He literally just tried to attack you." Her voice began to rise as she became more and more visibly upset.

Giving me an apologetic look, Emmett stepped forward, "Come on, Rose-"

Without taking her eyes off Edward, she waved a dismissive hand in Emmett's direction. "You and Bella were both almost killed, Carlisle," she snapped. The room fell silent. The enormity of the truth behind her words effectively negated any attempt on my part to downplay the situation in the name of maintaining calm. Her voice was cold, her current regard for her brother, and perhaps for me, teeming with disgust. "The Volturi guard traipsed through our home. Esme was tortured. And you embrace him as though he was coming home from some extended vacation."

Edward stiffened, his mouth falling open. His eyes sought out mine in the hopes that I would deny what he had just heard. I gave an almost imperceptible nod.

Rosalie continued, encouraged by the effect she was having on him, "Jane wanted to get a closer look at Bella. Probably to try and see if her powers really were ineffective against this supposed 'shield'. But Esme couldn't stomach the idea and refused to step away from her bedside."

My voice rang out, "Rosalie!" I didn't want to hear anymore. Reliving that moment was quickly becoming unbearable for me. When I gave a sideways glance I could see that Edward's distress mirrored my own. At my outburst, Rosalie had the decency to look at least a little chagrined, realizing that what she had intended as a punishment for her brother was hurting me as well.

Under normal circumstances, such an exchange would have led to a raucous verbal argument between my two most hard-headed children. But her words only served to diminish Edward further. He could not even bring himself to look into my eyes as he murmured more apologies to me.

For a brief moment I caught a glance of Rosalie's expression. Her lips, which had up until now been pulled into a thin line, relaxed and turned down in the corners. Amber eyes softened and her gaze dropped to the floor. A sign of regret, perhaps? Recognition that she had gone too far? When she noticed me watching her, though, the scowl returned.

"We're going out. Don't worry, we will be back in time to help wrangle your newborn when she wakes up."

She stormed out the front door. Emmett walked forward and placed one of his hands on Edward's shoulders. "It'll be alright, Ed. She wouldn't admit it but most of what she said came from a place of fear. Everything that happened over the last couple of days really freaked her out. Anyways, I'm glad you're home." With another pat on his brother's shoulder, Emmett disappeared into the night. The click of the front door as it slid shut behind him echoed through the room. Bella had stopped screaming.

AN: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I've already got some of the next few chapters written/planned out so hopefully that means I will be able to post again soon. You are all the so kind, thank you for your well wishes in the reviews from last chapter. I am happy to report that we are all feeling better and my energy levels have returned to pre-flu levels, which means more time for writing!