We'll walk this road together, through the storm - Not Afraid - Eminem, 2010

I wake up slowly at first. I'm warmer than I've been in ages. Heat wraps around my right side and over my stomach. But I'm cold on my left.

I vaguely hear Ellie's voice. When I hear her call for Joel, her fear clear in her voice, I'm on edge. My eyes snap open. Joel starts beside me and moves to get up, his arm moving from being wrapped over my stomach.

But he stops.

I feel his arm under my head move as he holds his hands up and I turn to see Ellie with her hands up as well. A man holds a gun to her head as her hands shake. My breathing stops. I hear fabric shift and look over to see a young boy with tight black curls and an orange line across his eyes.

He looks too much like Aiden. A little boy like him shouldn't be holding a gun.

He holds his finger over his mouth for us to be quiet.

"Eyes on me. Eyes on me," a voice repeats. The man holding a gun to Ellie looks at Joel only.

"Take your gun off of her," I say. His hand holding the gun shakes as he looks at me. "Put it on me, don't force the kids into this."

"You don't have to worry about what you say," he says instead of moving his gun. "We don't wanna hurt you. We wanna help you."

"So get your damn gun off of her."

"Char," Ellie says. Her voice shakes.

"You're going to be okay, kiddo." I look from her to the man holding a gun to her as Joel moves slightly beside me.

"Okay." He says.

"Okay, um." The man shifts on his feet. "I don't know what the next step is, but if I lower my gun, we didn't hurt you, so you don't hurt us, right?"

"That's right," Joel says.

"That's a weird fuckin' tone, man," the man says as he shifts on his feet. From the small bit of light in the room, I can see his eyes are shining.

"That's just the way he sounds," Ellie says quickly. "He has an asshole voice." She turns to look at Joel. "Joel, tell him it's okay."

"Everything is great."

"Dude!" Ellie whispers as I lay my head back against Joel's arm.

"Okay, listen," the man says. "I'm gonna trust you." I look up to see him sign to the little boy.

"I'm going to trust him."

"Are you sure?" The little boy signs back.

"Yes," he says quietly as he signs. "But if you guys try anything," he trails off. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Ellie says. Joel nods slightly and the little boy lowers his gun. He steps back from Joel, a tablet around his neck moving as he does so.

"Can I sit up?" Joel asks.

"Slow," the man says. His hand still shakes. "Get up slow."

"Who are you?" Joel asks as he sits up. I stay in my spot. Both boys seem nervous and the last thing I want is for one of them to shoot.

"My name's Henry," the man says. "That's my brother, Sam. I'm the most wanted man in Kansas City. Although I'm guessing right now you're running a close second." He finally lowers his gun and I feel myself relax.

"Taking the whole 'lets be bad guys' bit too far," I say before I can stop myself.

"What?" Henry asks.

"It's from Firefly-"

"Char," Joel cuts me off. I pout up at him but it doesn't do anything.

"Don't mind her," Ellie says quickly. "She's got a concussion."

"Probably shouldn't have given that away, kiddo," I say as she moves over to me. I slowly sit up, watching Henry as I do so. And then I wrap my arm around Ellie. "I'm fine," I whisper to her as she starts trying to hold my head.

It takes a few minutes, but soon we sit across from Sam and Henry. Ellie sits on my right while Joel sits on my left. Henry puts a lantern up between us as Ellie digs through her bag.

She tosses some beef jerky over to them. Both boys eagerly tear into the food. Now that they're in the light, it's easy to see that Henry is still a boy, too. Not as young as his brother. But still too young to have so much responsibility.

"Where'd you get this?" He asks Ellie.

"From Bill," she says as she leans closer to me. I wrap my arm around her as she rests her head on my shoulder. "He's dead." She takes a bite of her jerky. Joel wraps up the last of his jerky and leans over to hold it out to Sam. He takes it carefully before he turns to his brother.

"Thank you," he signs before he points over at Joel.

"He says thank you," Henry says. Joel nods beside me. "I'm guessing you don't have much, so this means a lot."

"How old is he?" Ellie asks. Henry turns to Sam.

"How old are you?"

"Eight," Sam signs.

"He's eight," Henry says.

"Cool." Ellie nods. I tap her shoulder to get her attention and when she looks at me I put my thumb against my chest and move my fingers.

"What?" Ellie asks when I hear a gasp across from us.

"It's cool in sign language," I tell her. Her eyes light up and she mimics the sign as she looks at Sam. He smiles widely and gives a thumbs up.

"How do you know sign language?" Henry asks.

"I was a nurse back in the Boston QZ."

"None of the doctors or nurses knew it in the KC QZ." I pull my arm from around Ellie and she huffs but doesn't say anything.

"I learned it so I could help people. A lot of people in the QZ had selective mutism, especially when it came to appointments," I say as I sign.

"I'm Ellie," Ellie says after I finish. "How do I sign my name?" Joel gives her a look but I shrug and show her. She follows the moves slowly. I look over to see Sam nod.

"And this is, oh I used your nickname," Ellie's eyes widen as she looks up at me.

"You were stressed. It's okay, kiddo," I pat her leg. "I'm Charlotte," I say and sign to the boys across from us.

"And the grumpy one is Joel," Ellie says.

"Ellie," Joel says, but she just grins at him.

"Ellie said that the grumpy one is Joel," I sign to the brothers. Henry snorts while Sam lets out a quiet laugh. Ellie's eyes light up as she looks back at me.

"You need to teach me everything."

"Look," Joel says. I look over at him to see him looking directly at Henry. "You ate, let's call this a win-win and move on."

"Well, I'm betting that y'all came up here to get a view of the city and plan a way out. And when the sun's up, I'll show you one."

"Well, I guess that means bedtime for the kiddos," I say and Ellie groans. Sam pouts across from us when I finish signing. "Sleep, you two will probably have time to play in the morning." Ellie sighs as she dramatically shifts to lay down with her head in my lap. Sam mimics her and it takes everything in me not to laugh. I see Henry's small smile and feel my shoulders relax.

We'll be okay for tonight.

Even though Joel is a bundle of nerves next to me. I elbow his arm and he cuts his eyes over at me.

"You too."

"No," he shakes his head.

"One of us needs to sleep, the one who doesn't need supervision should be the one to get some rest-"

"No."

"Joel-"

"No."

"Fine," I say as I lay my head on his shoulder. "You brought this on yourself." I close my eyes at his sigh. But he doesn't try to move me. I feel Ellie shift and look down at her. There's so much hope in her eyes and it makes my heart ache.

All she's wanted is a family that won't leave her. And as much as I love her and as much as Joel is starting to love her, he and I will never be what she hopes for. She catches me looking at her and she shuts her eyes quickly.

"Want me to take out your ponytail?" I ask her quietly. She nods. I reach down and pull the hair tie out of her hair before I start running a hand through her hair slowly.

She's snoring just minutes later. Joel shifts beside me slightly. My head moves closer to his neck as he moves. His hand rests on the floor behind me. Right behind my back holster.

"Gruñón," I whisper to Joel. He sighs.

"Did he really teach you Spanish?"

"No, I learned it in school. Although he helped me get it back to where I was before I stopped speaking it."

"You mean he taught you everything to tease someone with."

"And how to cuss someone out."

"Go to sleep."

"Yeah, yeah," I mumble.

I wake up to childish giggles. I don't feel Ellie's weight in my lap anymore.

"Ellie," Joel says. But his voice is above me, not beside me.

"You're no fun," she says around a bite of food.

"Do I even want to know?" I ask before I open my eyes. When I do, I'm looking up at Joel, my head in his lap. I feel my cheeks heat up and I hope the makeup on my face hasn't worn off.

"I don't even know," he sighs.

"So that's why you're already so grumpy," I tease as I sit up.

"Shut up," he mumbles as he pushes himself to his feet. "You said you were going to show us a way out in the mornin'. It's mornin'." I turn to see Henry wiping his forehead.

"We can go to a conference room so we can see the city," Henry says as he stands.

"Come on, kiddos," I say and sign before I stand up. Both of them aren't happy about it. The sooner we get out of the city, the sooner we have to go our separate ways. This is the first friend Ellie's made since she lost Riley. I don't know the last time Sam had a friend other than his brother.

I stand up slowly. It doesn't help the dizziness. Joel catches me by my arm before I can stumble too much. Ellie jumps from her seat on the floor to stand in front of me.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She whispers.

"I'll be fine, kiddo. It hasn't even been a day, yet."

"We'll stop if it gets to be too much," Ellie says easily. "Right?" She turns to look up at Joel. I don't. From the look on Ellie's face, I don't want to see his.

"It depends. Might just have to carry her like yesterday."

"At least she's not acting weird, that's good, right?"

"It's good for my sanity," Joel snorts. "Although don't they say personality changes are a bad sign?"

"Joel!" Ellie hits his free arm.

"Very funny, Cowboy." I deadpan. "Now, where's this conference room?"

"Down the hall," Henry says and I feel my shoulders relax. No more going up the stairs. I don't know if Joel or I could handle more at this point.

"I've got our bags!" Ellie says as she turns around to grab them. Joel taps on my arm and I look up at him. He has an eyebrow raised and I nod carefully. He nods slightly as he lets go of my arm.

When I look back at Ellie, she's turning around to face us. My bag on her back and her backpack draped across her front.

"Ready!" She says. "How do you sign it?" I hold both hands out in front of me with the sign for 'r' and then move them out and away from each other. Ellie tries it a couple times as she faces me.

"Good," I say and she immediately turns to Sam to show the sign to him. He nods his head, a large smile on his face. We all look to Henry who stands by the door awkwardly. Sam starts walking towards him, but holds a hand out for Ellie. I look down at the floor.

It reminds me too much of Aiden and Mia. The little girl who came to get me when he got hurt in the QZ. Aiden would always reach for her hand to cross the streets in the QZ. He'd always look to her like Sam is starting to do with Ellie. And Mia would always try to ask me things that would make Aiden smile.

One second I see Ellie and Sam in front of me.

And the next I see an older version of Aiden and Mia.

And then the memories hit me like a train.

Aiden and Mia making flower crowns along the fence. Mia sneaking up to our apartment on nights with storms to comfort Aiden. Them trading Pokémon cards in a makeshift fort that destroyed the living room.

"Char," I feel a hand on my elbow. I blink a few times and look around the room. Sam, Ellie, and Henry are nowhere to be seen.

"What the hell was that?"

"It's nothing-"

"You've got a concussion and you just spaced out," Joel cuts me off. "You need to tell me how bad this is."

"It's a low-grade concussion-"

"Then what was that? You're lucky Ellie was too excited to hang out with that kid to notice you spaced out and crying-"

"I-"

"But Henry noticed," Joel hisses.

"I'm sorry," my voice cracks as I turn away from him. "Sam he- he looks so much like my son. I couldn't-" my breathing picks up and I feel a searing pain in my chest. My free hand comes up to rub at my chest as I try to control my breathing.

"What's goin' on?" Joel asks, his voice isn't harsh like it had been before.

"P-panic attack," I gasp for air as I close my eyes. "Sorry, I don't normally h-have them anymore."

"Breathe," Joel says. His hands rest on my shoulders and I force myself to open my eyes. "In and out." I follow his directions and a few breaths later, I'm breathing somewhat normally again.

"I'm sorry," I say when I can finally think enough to form words.

"You're okay," he murmurs as his hands leave my shoulders. "C'mon. Don't want him pointin' a gun at Ellie again."

"Wanna make a bet?" I ask as he starts walking out of the room. I walk a few steps behind him as he turns back to look at me.

"What?"

"I bet the gun isn't even loaded."

"He wouldn't be that dumb."

"But he's that desperate."

Joel looks at me for a second.

"I'm not bettin' against you." He turns around and walks out of the room into the hall. I stand, watching his back for a second. And then I take a step forward to follow him.

When we get to the conference room, Ellie and Sam are bent over the table looking at Ellie's joke book. Henry looks out the large windows at the city below us, his arms crossed over his chest. Joel walks over as I look at the kids. They write back and forth on the tablet that Sam wore earlier.

They both have matching smiles on their faces.

I swallow the lump in my throat and force myself to walk over to stand with Joel and Henry. I stand on Joel's left and look down. My legs feel shaky like they always have when I've been this far up.

But you can see everything from up here. Including the patrols of the armored trucks around the city.

"Welcome to Killa City," Henry says.

"No FEDRA," Joel says, crossing his arms.

"Not as of ten days ago, no."

"We always heard KC FEDRA was-" Joel goes to say, but Henry cuts him off.

"Monsters? Savages?" I look over to see Joel finally look at Henry. "Yeah, you heard right."

"Raped and tortured and murdered people for twenty years."

"Sounds like Atlanta," I say quietly.

"You were down there?" Henry asks, leaning around Joel to look at me. I feel Joel's eyes burn through me as I nod and look back out at the city.

"I was. And yeah, when I was there, it was that bad. Left four years after everything went to hell to go up to Boston."

"So you know what happens when you do that to people?" Henry asks. I nod again.

"Atlanta had riots. Did whatever they could to FEDRA. Did what FEDRA did to them. It wasn't pretty."

"But you're not FEDRA," Joel cuts in, looking back at Henry.

"No," Henry shakes his head. "Worse. A collaborator." I feel my throat tighten. My hands clench at my sides.

"I don't work with rats," Joel says, turning to block me from Henry's view.

"Yeah you fucking do. Today you do. Cause' I live here and you don't. I know this city and that's how I'm gonna get you out of it."

"Why?" I ask quietly. "Why are you helping us?"

"I saw what you two did," Henry says. "The way you killed those men. I don't know how to make it out alive, not if it's just me and Sam."

"You seem capable enough," Joel all but growls. I rest my hand on the center of his back. His muscles relax just slightly, but he doesn't move to let Henry see me. "You're armed."

"Wrong and wrong," Henry says. "I've never killed anyone, and pointing an unloaded gun at you is the most violent thing I've ever done."

"You owe me, Cowboy," I pat Joel's back and he sighs.

Ellie and Sam giggling loudly makes us turn towards them. I hear Henry laugh a little under his breath as Ellie hits her joke book against the table.

"Haven't heard that in a long time."

Joel turns away from them back to the window. He looks down at the city for a second before he turns back to Henry.

"So how are we gettin' out?" Henry walks over to the large conference table and pulls a piece of paper and a pencil out of his bag. Ellie walks over and stands on the other side of Joel at the head of the table. I look over Joel's shoulder as Henry draws a rectangle, he writes numbers along the lines.

I look up from the paper at Sam and Henry's explanations fade from my ears. He seems to be in his own world as he reads. His eyes move as he scans the pages, they're bright with excitement.

Henry hits the table, getting both mine and Sam's attention. Sam looks up as Henry begins to sign.

"How do we get across?" Sam flips up the plastic on his tablet before pulling it back down and writing on it.

Tunnels.

Henry snaps. "Boom."

"Kansas City has a subway?" Joel asks.

"No, but they do have maintenance tunnels. All the developers-"

"Gentrifiers," I cut in. Henry nods before he turns back to the paper.

"They all connected their buildings with the tunnels. We can enter at the bank here," he draws a square. "And pop up over here," he says, drawing a circle. "There's an embankment on the other side of the houses, we head down, cross the pedestrian bridge over the river," he waves his hands out. "Free as a bird."

"You're right," Joel says. "It's a great plan."

"So what are you not telling us?" I ask. "You wouldn't need us if you could get through that easy."

"You notice anything strange about this city?" Henry asks us.

"No infected," Ellie says immediately.

"Oh, there's infected," Henry bounces slightly. "Just not on the surface."

"Jesus," I whisper under my breath.

"FEDRA drove them underground about fifteen years ago. It's the only good thing those fascist motherfuckers ever did."

"You knew about that?" Joel asks, looking at me over his shoulder.

"After I left Atlanta and got up to the Louisville QZ, they were trying it there. It was a shitshow."

"And you want us to go down there?" Joel asks.

"Everyone thinks that it's full of infected," Henry says quickly. "Including Kathleen, which means that we're not gonna be running into any of her people."

"But we'll run into infected, kid," I say and he looks at me for a second before he shakes his head.

"It's empty," he says.

"You've been down there?" Joel asks.

"Well, no, but the FEDRA guy I worked with told me it's clean."

"How long ago?" Ellie asks.

"Like," he pauses. "Three years ago."

Joel scoffs.

"Okay, maybe there's one or two, but you'll handle it."

"But what if there's more?" Joel asks.

"Or one of the blind ones that sees like a bat?" Ellie asks.

"Kiddo," I say quietly as I rest my hand on her head.

"Wait you, you ran into a clicker?" Henry asks.

"Two of 'em," Ellie says.

"And you're still alive," Henry says. "You see? If it gets bad down there, we turn around and run back out."

"Oh, that's your great plan?" Joel asks.

"Joel," I murmur. I put my other hand on his back.

"No, that's my dicey-as-fuck-plan. But it's our only shot." Joel just looks at Henry, his entire body tense.

Sam hits his hand on the table, getting all of our attention.

"What are they saying?" He signs.

"They're saying that they're going to help us escape." Henry says as he signs to Sam. His little brother nods his head, a smile on his face as he turns back to his tablet.

"Right?" Henry asks as he looks back at Joel. Joel looks over at Sam, then Ellie, and finally he turns back to look at me. I don't move. My hand stays firmly on his back. He turns back to Henry and nods slightly. My fingers seem to curl on their own to hold onto the fabric of his shirt.

I just hope we make it out of this.