PA2: And here we are again, bringing you Chapter 7 of JCA: OJ!
MP: Yes, and I'm particularly proud of this one. My twisted mind managed some interesting ideas for this god.
PA2: Goddess, MP. Let's give her the respect she deserves.
MP: Wow, spoiled before we even showed the title. Nice work.
PA2: We revealed it at the end of the last chapter, remember? Anyway, without further ado, enjoy!
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Jackie Chan Adventures: Olympian Journey
Chapter 7: Hera Apparent
Jade did her best to go limp as her massive opponent tossed her across the room. The brute was no Tohru, but he was easily five times her weight and no stranger to combat. Jade made a quick list of her advantages, by far the most notable being her speed. She ran around the lug, avoiding his muscled arms, and dodging under his legs whenever possible. Once she'd built up her speed, she bounced off a wall and delivered a flying kick to his face. The big man stumbled back, and Jade took the chance to aim another blow at his chest, sending him reeling.
"Ow!" Ratso complained. "That really hurt, kid!"
"Hey, you volunteered for this," Captain Black said, casually watching the fight from the corner. "So you want that bonus pay or not?"
Ratso grunted and tried to grab Jade, but she jumped and somersaulted forward, elbowing Ratso in the shin. He dropped down, grabbing the stinging spot. "Oh, that's it! I'm out!"
Growling, the ex-Enforcer stormed out, as best he could with his new limp. Jade rolled her eyes at this. "Hard to believe he used to go toe-to-toe with Uncle Jackie," she said.
"Yeah," Captain Black said with a nod. "Still, nice of him to volunteer to help out."
"Good point," Jade replied. "Remind me to get him a new Gnomekop figure for his collection; that should cheer him up."
"That and the bonus," Captain Black chuckled. "Well, I guess that's the end of training for today, sport. Now, get started on your homework. I've gotta look for a new sparring partner for you."
Jade sighed and left the Section 13 dojo, grabbing her backpack from the hook by the door and making her way to the cafeteria. On her way, she was tackled by a loud grey ball of fur.
"Scruffy!" she laughed, pushing him back to the floor. "I wondered where you were hiding? Ready for some lunch?"
Scruffy barked in response, and Jade led him along to the lunchroom. Ratso was already there, working along with Finn to hand out the food, while Chow was making coffee. As Jade walked in, he gave her a quick wave and flashed an "okay" sign before turning back to work. Jade gave him a thumbs up in reply, then began walking across the room, Scruffy barking at her heels the whole way.
It had only been a week since Hestia had set up shop, and already things were starting to change. For one thing, the atmosphere of the base just felt homier, with decorative flourishes on the walls and furniture that hadn't been there before. For another, the quality of the dining had improved tremendously. It had never been outright terrible, but now it was starting to look like the stuff a high-end restaurant would serve. And the multitude of thank-you notes left outside of Hestia's door, not to mention the miniature shrine set up in the back, clearly showed the agency's appreciation. According to Captain Black, the base had never been so cheerful.
Jade grabbed a chair at her usual table, and was in no way surprised to find Uncle Jackie already there. She was a little surprised, though, at the disappointed look on his face. This was hardly new, but usually he would make that face whenever she had just taken a jetpack for a joyride or lost track of Scruffy until he'd marked his territory inside a missile silo. Scruffy took no notice of the look on Jackie's face, though, cheerfully barking and running around his legs.
"Jade," Jackie said over the barks, folding his fingers. "Is there something that you want to tell me?"
"You know I aced torture resistance, right?" Jade sighed as she sat down. "If you want to talk to me about something, then just say it."
Jackie's eyes went wide. "Captain Black is torturing you!?" he demanded.
"Oh, duh! We decided not to tell you," Jade said, slapping her forehead. "The general thinking was that you'd overreact. So, what's going on?"
"I..." Jackie said, clearly warring with himself about which topic to pursue, "...well, it's about school. Your teacher emailed me this."
He pulled out a sheet of paper and slid it in front of his niece. She looked down at the big red 0, alongside the bigger, equally red F, and groaned. "Seriously? They tell you before even talking to me? That's just not right," she grumbled, crossing her arms.
"Jade, this is serious!" Jackie exclaimed. "This report counted for twenty percent of your grade!" Scruffy's barking continued, and Jackie tried to shoo him away.
"Quiet boy," Jade commanded, to no effect, before turning back to her uncle. "So? There's still eighty percent left. Maybe you should be working on your math instead of my studies."
"That's no excuse," Jackie said, pulling the paper back slightly, as Scruffy grabbed his pant leg and started a tug of war, "This was your midterm, Jade! This represents half a year's worth of learning. And what am I supposed to tell your parents! This is exactly why they sent you here! Shoo, Scruffy!" he finished, kicking a leg out and sending Scruffy stumbling back. Seemingly convinced that he wasn't getting any food, the dog ran off to who-knows-where.
"Yes, that was made abundantly clear to me," Jade sighed as she watched the dog run off. "Look, it says right here that they'd let me try one more time, so what's the big deal?" she asked, pointing at the note on top of the page.
"The 'big deal'" Jackie said, his eyes narrowing, "is that a retake doesn't mean anything if we can't pinpoint why you failed in the first place! And I think we both know the answer there."
"We're really going there?" Jade asked incredulously. "Every kid in school cares more about the extracurriculars than their classes; just because mine are a little more high-octane doesn't make them different."
"And if you were obsessed with the soccer team or the computer club, we'd be having the same conversation," Jackie replied. "Jade, you're training to be a spy. You're coming along on adventures. You're in the drama club. You have a dog. You're a Dragon Scout. You're spreading yourself too thin, and you're not giving your academics the focus they need!"
"This is the first F I've gotten all year!" Jade argued. "And I totally did the research! Look here: Ronald Reagan was president and the AIDS virus was first discovered. That definitely happened in 1984!"
"It was an English midterm! You were supposed to do a report on the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four! And you would know that if you'd been paying any attention at all! You're a clever girl, but you have to sort out your priorities. Do you think that Eris is just goofing off?"
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"Whee!" Eris cried, her patchwork dress flapping about as she bounced on her new trampoline. "This is nearly as much fun as Ares' war games!"
The added height gave her a view of all of her lair's new additions, too - the triple bunk beds, extra-large fridge, sectional sofa, big-screen tv, sno-cone machine, mechanical parakeet, a wrought-iron platypus sculpture, and the many, many decorative cushions stitched with groan-worthy puns, along with so much other impressive but relatively useless junk.
"Boss, I feel we should go over our expenses," Vanessa said, trying to grab the bouncing goddess. "Between these, food, and everything else, we've spent nearly everything we made fencing those artifacts."
"Do I look like I care about money?!" Eris snapped. She flung herself on the floor and grabbed Vanessa's ponytail, bringing the relic hunter to her knees. "We'll possess the entire world once I'm done! Besides, I don't hear you complaining about that new whip I bought you!"
"I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't try to fill the void your aunt left with stuff we don't need," Vanessa muttered, her hands twitching as they strayed towards the aforementioned whip. Eris stiffened and lashed out to grab Vanessa's wrist with her other hand, glaring all the while.
"Choose your next words very carefully, Barone," Eris said, her voice full of quiet menace. "And your actions even more so."
For a moment, Vanessa stared at Eris with unbridled fury, before sighing and relaxing her arms. Her features softened, going from a murderous rage to what seemed to be genuine concern. "Boss, I heard you crying last night," she whispered. "I get it, you're evil, we're trying to take over the world, but can you stop with the performance already? It's not necessary."
Eris stared at Vanessa for a moment longer before letting go of her ponytail, dropping her to the ground. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she sniffed, turning her nose up at Vanessa.
"Of course you don't," Vanessa grumbled as she stood up and brushed herself off. "You forbid you actually do some soul-searching every once in a while. Well," she continued in a louder tone, "whatever you've been buying this stuff for, it's still eating up a lot of money for not a lot of value."
"Indeed," Kasahara complained, a rubber frog perched atop his head. "You could have at least bought a stove, Lady Eris. It would be nice to have a hot meal now and then."
Eris glared at him. "As I already told you," she said through gritted teeth, "stoves, boilers, furnaces - anything that generates comforting heat also gives Hestia a direct line to our lair! Whether she's staying out or helping Chan, I can't have her spying on us! You want hot food? Cook it elsewhere!"
"Speaking of 'elsewhere'," Vanessa asked, glancing at the factory's entrance, "have either of you seen the monk?"
"Probably outside ranting," Kasahara said with a shrug. "Six days and he hasn't stopped complaining."
"I'm right here!" Zhixin snapped, rising from his lotus position behind an inflatable elephant. He swatted the air-filled pachyderm aside and raised his hands to blast at his fellow henchmen, who teleported away and flattened themselves, respectively. "And I think I have the right to complain! You left me petrified! In a museum! In Sweden!"
"Ancient wisdom," Vanessa said with a smirk, mimicking the monk's wheezy voice. "The more it is repeated, the less it is heard."
The old monk growled and somersaulted forward, leaning in to kick Vanessa in the face. As she moved to dodge, he surprised her at the last second by firing another blast of energy directly at her stomach, sending her collapsing into the couch. "Don't test me, Barone!" he snarled.
"Don't need to," Vanessa growled as she spared a quick glance at Eris, who seemed to be occupied with a giant Rubik's cube. "It was a nice shot, but it hardly compares to what you could do with the actual Scroll of Hung Chao." She dodged another shot and kept talking. "Oh, did I touch a nerve? What kind of monk fails to memorize something he's been searching for his entire life? You had hours with the scroll, and you only remembered the basic blasting glyph?"
"Do you have any idea how complicated those inscriptions were?" Zhixin snapped back. "And every detail is important! Shape, stroke order, incantation, all essential! Besides, you try working from a pile of ash, which is all the Chans left me with! At least you had half a necklace to tinker with!"
As Zhixin fumed, Vanessa cast a quick glance over to Kasahara, who gave an almost imperceptible nod before clearing his throat. "As the only one here who never lost a magic object to Chan-Jackie-Chan, I think I have seniority!" he bragged, puffing out his narrow chest.
"It's just 'Chan', you idiot!" Zhixin snapped. "And I am every bit as capable as either of you, if not more! Just because that gorgon got the jump on me-"
"And Chan, and Captain Black," Vanessa pointed out with a smirk.
"And the little girl and her sumo," Kasahara added.
"-doesn't make me weak!" the monk continued, angrily ignoring the interruption. "My knowledge of magic is far greater than yours, Vanessa, while my understanding of Far East relics surpasses even yours, Kasahara! And if I have to tear the two of you apart to make you accept that, then I will do so gladly!"
Zhixin charged up a blast on each hand, while the other two took battle stances, but were interrupted by the sound of a teakettle whistling.
"If either of you think that we're calling a halt just because the tea is finished, you have another think coming!" Zhixin snapped. "So take that kettle off so we can get on with this!"
"We don't have a kettle," Vanessa pointed out. "No way to heat it, remember?"
The trio looked up at Eris, back on her trampoline, but clearly distracted. She was emitting the high-pitched whistle, as well as a lot of golden mist, as her entire torso had cracked open and peeled back like a lid. "Quit your bickering!" she screeched. "We've got a live one!"
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"Jade, I'm serious!" Jackie insisted, as Jade tried counter after counter. "It's time you put more work into your studies. Now, pick up your book and start-"
"Whatever it is, it has to wait!" came a familiar voice as Prometheus charged through the cafeteria, followed closely by Uncle and Tohru. In his hands was the repaired amphora, which was disgorging golden mist at an incredible rate. "A power has just revealed itself!" he continued, slamming the urn onto the table.
"Sweet!" Jade shouted, pumping her fist, before turning to glance at Jackie's annoyed expression. "I mean, oh, too bad, Uncle Jackie and I were just in the middle of something. Guess we'll have to save it for now."
Jackie opened his mouth to reply when Uncle stopped him with a two-finger strike. "Discipline later! Magic is happening!"
As the five watched, the golden mists began to coalesce over the amphora's mouth, forming a dense cloud. After a moment, the cloud opened up, revealing the image of a dark-haired goddess, her dark brown eyes glaring at someone unseen. Her features were severe and yet majestic, conveying at once power and disdain. She was dressed in brightly colored robes and elegant jewels, and was holding a peacock feather fan in one hand.
"Wonderful," Prometheus groaned, putting a hand to his head. "First Zeus, then Athena, now…"
"Hera," Tohru finished. "Queen of the gods."
The goddess briefly turned her head to Tohru, almost as though she could actually hear her name being spoken, before the image dissolved into a swirl of color. It then quickly reshaped itself into a map, one depicting a very familiar country.
"India?" Jade asked as the map zoomed in closer. "This is, what, the third time we've been there?"
"Looks like it's in Agra," Jackie pointed out, ignoring Jade's comment. "At least we know the layout there."
"And at least spider-woman is on other side of the world this time, where she belongs," Uncle added with an imperious sniff.
"Sensei, please," Tohru sighed. "She is my mother."
"She is annoying shrew!" Uncle retorted. "Uncle will not be stopped from speaking the truth!"
"Focus, both of you!" Prometheus snapped. "We still need to know what we're looking for!"
The mist reshaped again, this time displaying the image of a fine antique wreath made of peacock feathers on an ivory-white wall covered in art and ornaments.
"Please tell me that that is not where I think it is," Jackie groaned.
"White marble, Agra," Prometheus muttered, "don't see how it could be anywhere else but…"
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"The Taj Mahal?" Vanessa asked with a grin, looking at the image produced by the golden mist. "Ah, I've always wanted to try my luck there!"
"Why haven't you?" Kasahara asked. "Seems like it would be easy with your abilities."
"You're joking, right? Guards and tourists 24/7, it'd be a nightmare and a half to pull off," Vanessa replied. "But if I could, that'd really be something!"
"Well, looks like you'll get your chance," Eris said, her torso folded back into place. "Although I don't think snatching a wreath is something you can put on your thieving resume."
"Eh, a good challenge is its own reward," Vanessa scoffed. "Especially when the prize is something as...divine as this is."
"...Okay, now I'm just wishing I'd made that pun first," Eris said, pouting as she looked over her joke-embroidered pillows. "Seriously, how'd you get to it before me?"
"Who cares?!" Zhixin snapped, startling the other three. "We have a target and a destination! Let's get on the chariot and get moving!" Without waiting for a response, he stomped off outside, staring angrily at the symbols on his palms.
For a moment, Eris, Vanessa, and Kasahara stood still. Then, Vanessa sighed. "Well, that went swimmingly," she said, rolling her eyes.
"Remind me again why you thought poking Zhixin in his ego would actually help at all?" Eris asked.
"Anger tends to burn out stress," Vanessa replied. "At least, that's what I was going for."
"We thought that if we made him focus on proving himself, it'd allow him to discharge some of the resentment healthily," Kasahara added. "Instead, it seems we've just added fuel to the fire."
"Yeah, you really should have thought about that," Eris scoffed. "Anyway, what's Plan B?"
"Ignore him forever," Kasahara said simply. At Vanessa and Eris's askance looks, he added, "Tell me I was the only one thinking it."
"Certainly would be better than the actual Plan B," Vanessa sighed. "You sure you want to go with this, Boss?"
"If the cards fall right, of course!" Eris said gleefully as the three started walking toward the doors. "I'd rather not need it, but no plan is so important that it can't wait for a little chaos. And either way, this promises to be a Hades of a good time."
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"What do you mean, I'm not coming?!" Jade shouted, slamming her hands down on the table.
"Exactly what I said," Jackie replied, his expression stern. "You have a book to read, and a failing grade that shows that you need it. And since this is the only 'extracurricular' we have today, that's what's getting removed."
"But c'mon! This is saving the world we're talking about! I think that's more important than a book report!"
"Nothing is more important than education, Jade," Jackie said, folding his arms. "This subject is closed. You are not going, and that is final."
"But-" Jade started to say, before Jackie interrupted her.
"No buts," Jackie told her. "You're going to stay right here and hit the books with Prometheus."
"I'm sorry, what?!" the Titan of Forethought snapped. "You expect me to play nursemaid while divine power is at stake?!"
"Honestly, you're the only one I trust to keep Jade from sneaking on board whatever plane we take to get there," Jackie sighed. "She's outfoxed everyone else. Besides, I bet you know these books inside and out."
"...Fine," Prometheus grumbled. "But you will call me when you get the wreath so I can tell you how to contain it properly. Also, hang on to this," he added, pulling a vial of flame from his pocket and handing it to Uncle. "You might not need it, but here it is just in case. I'll explain if and when it's needed. And I've already texted Captain Black. Your private jet is ready to go."
"...Do you just have magic vials on you at all times?" Jackie asked, prompting a wry grin from Prometheus. "Oh, right, forethought. My mistake," he continued, sighing as Uncle tucked the vial away. Looking at Jade's frustrated expression, he knelt down before her. "Jade, I know this feels like a punishment, but I'm doing it to help. You know Captain Black would agree."
Jade just faced Jackie down, bearing a sly grin. "Jackie, how many times have you tried to leave me behind?" she asked. "You know I always find a way to come along. What makes you think this time will be any different?"
Jackie took a moment to think about this, then smiled back.
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"This feels excessive," Jade muttered. She glared at her uncle from her restraints, bound tight with belts and locks over her upright dolly. Jackie had actually left a little while ago, but had kept an eye on her through a video-call on her phone, held by Prometheus.
"Sorry, but you had a point," Jackie sighed. "And after what happened in solitary, you left me no choice. Now, we're taking off. We'll see you when you get back, with that book finished, and then we can talk about what else will be happening before this retake."
The screen flipped off, and finally, mercifully, Prometheus released her from her restraints.
"...So what now?" Jade asked, angrily going through her backpack. "We have a wacky babysitting montage while they're off saving the world?"
"Hardly," Prometheus scoffed, returning Jade's phone and taking his own out of his pocket. "While I agree with him about your education, there's something important that needs doing first. We're heading to the shrine."
"Wait, why?" Jade asked, confusion starting to replace the frustration.
"I think you probably know," Prometheus replied calmly. "I need to talk to an old flame, and you might be just the kindling I need to do it."
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"Jackie, stop pacing," Uncle ordered. "Bad enough that we are in plane, but you are making Uncle even more dizzy!"
Jackie sighed and stopped his nervous movements long enough to give Uncle an exasperated look. "What can I do, Uncle? I'm worried about Jade."
"I understand that a bad grade is concerning," Tohru reassured, "but with a little extra study-"
"Not that!" Jackie snapped. "Well, yes, that," he rectified, "but more about the mission. I have a nasty suspicion that as soon as we land, she's going to pop out of the cargo hold or something."
Uncle rolled his eyes. "You watched Jade on live video call as plane took off! No way she can be in two places at once!"
"Jade has done exactly that!" Jackie snapped. "Remember that trip to Tokyo?"
"You are being paranoid," Tohru reassured. "Try and take your mind off of it. Help us research Hera. What do you know about her?"
Jackie sighed and tried to clear his head. "Hera was the queen of the gods, patron goddess of marriage and motherhood. Her symbols were the cow, the peacock, and the lotus-"
"Which is why Prometheus packed us a lotus flower for the removal spell, just in case," Tohru said, holding up a white blossom.
"Hera was also very quick to anger, and easily offended," Jackie continued. "Whenever Zeus had a child out of wedlock, which was often, Hera was known to curse the mother or child. From what I can tell, most people worshipped her not because she gave gifts, but to avoid her wrath."
"Bah!" Uncle sneered. "None of this will matter so long as you recover wreath before forces of chaos!"
"Don't you mean 'we'?" Jackie asked, before wincing as Uncle delivered a two-finger strike to his head.
"You expect Uncle to fight!? You and Tohru must face forces of chaos! Uncle will try to find a spell to hold back Eris! You focus on Hera!"
"According to this text," Tohru said, moving his finger along a guide to Greek mythology, "Hera was known to control monsters, such as Karkinos the crab, Argus the hundred-eyed giant, and even the mighty Python…"
Jackie shook his head. "Prometheus said that once the gods were gone, humans hunted monsters to extinction. Besides, most of those monsters died in their original stories."
Tohru shook his head. "Athena's power turned two innocent people into Medusa and Arachne. Who is to say that Hera's could not do the same? We must be prepared for setbacks of all sorts."
Jackie jumped as he heard a thud from the luggage compartment behind him. "Jade," he muttered. "If that is you…"
"It is just the luggage shifting in flight," Tohru reassured, but Jackie still moved over to investigate. He flung open the compartment, and soon was knocked to the floor by his suitcase. With a yelp, a gray bundle of fur dropped down on top of it and began licking his face.
"Scruffy?!" Jackie cried, struggling to throw off the heavy suitcase. "What in the world?"
"How did he close the door?" Uncle asked, staring in amazement.
"Scruffy is Jade's dog," Tohru said, equally nonplussed. "I would not doubt his ability to do anything."
Finally, in spite of all of the little dog's jumping, Jackie managed to free himself and snatch Scruffy in his arms. "What are we going to do with you?" he asked the animal. "It's too late to turn around."
Scruffy barked in his face and continued licking him, oblivious to Jackie's frustration.
"We had better call Jade," Jackie sighed, shaking his head.
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"So, let me get this straight," said Jade. "You want me to help be the mediator between you and Hestia?"
"Is it that difficult to understand?" asked Prometheus. "She likes you a lot more than she likes me, after all."
"Tch, no surprise there," Jade scoffed, folding her arms behind her head. "After all, you already did her dirty once."
"Phrasing," Prometheus grumbled, wiping his forehead with a pocket handkerchief. The two were descending into the depths of Section 13 on their way to the boiler room, and the heat was getting rather intense. "But there is another reason I wanted you here. You have something the others lack."
"What, are you going to tell me I've got more 'heart' or whatever?" Jade asked, using her sleeve to brush her sweat-laden bangs out of her face. "Because that's as hokey as your face turn back at Olympus."
"And that's exactly what I'm talking about," Prometheus said. "You're skeptical. Your uncle Jackie and the sumo are far too trusting; they take the world as it presents itself. A fine way to view things, but not so effective against chaos, tricksters, and other manipulators."
"What about Uncle?"
"Your 'uncle' is a stubborn old goat who distrusts me out of wounded pride rather than insight," the Titan answered tersely. "He'd be bothered by me if I came around driving an ice cream truck and offering free spells with the dessert."
"You do realize that's equally sketchy to everything else you've been doing, right?" Jade asked sarcastically. "I mean, the 'white van and candy' trope is around for a reason."
"And now this conversation is over," Prometheus growled as they walked up to a large set of bronze double doors, each one marked with the image of a flame.
"Wasn't the boiler room on the left side of the hallway?" Jade asked, looking over the imposing entrance. "And, you know, not looking like a temple?"
"Hestia likes her comfort," Prometheus said with a wry smile. "I'm sure you can understand that." He approached the doors and rapped his knuckles against one.
"Enter," Hestia's voice rang out. Prometheus pushed open the doors and he and Jade walked in. The room was surprisingly bare, with only a single cot with a thin quilt, and a basin beside it. Up against one wall was a very large furnace, gently rumbling. Up against the other was a statuary of Hestia tending a fire. Gifts of flowers and small candy had been left around it.
The room was sweltering. Jade instantly stripped off her hoodie, leaving her in a white T-shirt, while Prometheus took off his jacket. Hestia, on the other hand, looked perfectly content, sitting in a lotus position with her eyes closed.
"And what brings you down here at this hour?" the goddess asked, her quiet voice somehow reverberating off of the walls. "I doubt that you've come bearing gifts."
"Historical references. Cute," Prometheus said, striding forward. "As it so happens, history is what I'm here to talk about today. Ancient history."
"Oh? Have you come with yet another apology for your past misdeeds? Perhaps it will be more sincere this time," Hestia said, opening her eyes. As she did, Jade involuntarily took a step back. Despite the heat of the room, those eyes were ice cold.
"If apologies are owed, Hestia, then I am due one as well," Prometheus replied, his body emitting a slight haze of flames.
They...they really aren't human, Jade thought as she backed away further. Indeed, the Titan and the goddess were practically glowing with divine aura. Gone was the motherly caretaker and the cantankerous trickster; now was only the finely honed rage of the last two full deities of the Greek pantheon.
"I suppose I could not avoid this forever," Hestia sighed, standing from her lotus position. "You're upset about the amphora?"
"Upset is hardly the word I would use," Prometheus snarled. "You have the gall to judge me when it was your hands that tipped the balance? Your 'gift' of Hope was your own invention, and it was as instrumental in the downfall of your family as any of my plans."
"I was trying to protect them!" Hestia snapped, the flames in the boiler rising up in response to her anger. "They would have killed each other if I hadn't! I will not be judged by you, synarmologití!"
"'Kinslayer'?" Prometheus chuckled. "Hardly. I helped the Gods imprison the Titans. You helped me slay the Gods. Now, to whom does the title most apply?"
"You seek to manipulate them, as you always have," Hestia growled, walking up to Prometheus. "That's why you brought the child; so you could have a witness to your depravity. You are the same as always; you will lie and cheat to obtain what you want. Your farcical repentance when dealing with Athena is proof of that."
"And who accepted that farce?" Prometheus argued. "Who delayed and dallied during the trial with Themis, when your hands are already stained gold from ichor? Who has set herself up as a queen amongst these mortals, feeding on their worship as if the Pantheon still lived? You accuse me of crimes that you yourself are guilty of, Polýmorphos!"
"You throw titles in my face? Then perhaps I shall bring up some of my own, Thief of Fire, Trickster-"
"Okay, both of you JUST SHUT UP!" Jade snapped, angrily marching forward. "Is this what you wanted me to see? Your stupid lovers' quarrel? Because in case you haven't noticed, the only thing you two've done is prove that neither of you can be trusted!"
"You dare mock me?!" Hestia bellowed, her eyes blazing with flame as she turned to Jade. "You must learn your place, child!"
"See that, right there?" Jade asked, adrenaline keeping the intimidation at bay. "That is exactly what I'm talking about! You play nice, you cook, you clean up, but the moment someone acts up, all of that goes out the window! I have no idea what the old guy called you, but you're clearly shady! I mean, you bail on us after Sweden and then show up here? What's to say that youdidn't do the same thing with Eris?"
"I-" Hestia began, only for Jade to interrupt her and turn to Prometheus.
"And you!" she continued, pointing at the Titan. "You've been flip-flopping all over the place since we met you! You shove me out a plane, then say that you like me? That just proves that you'll say and do whatever it takes to get you what you want! It doesn't even matter what you really think; you'll already be figuring out how to use that to your advantage! I don't know who you think you are, but you were right about one thing: I've definitely got a healthy dose of skepticism. And I'll be using it to keep an eye on both of you!"
With that, Jade turned on her heel and stormed out the doors, pausing only briefly to look back at Prometheus. "And I know that's probably what you wanted, but here's the thing about plans that involve me: they have a tendency to backfire! Think about that one, hotheads!"
As she stomped off, her phone rang, and she answered. "Hello!" she yelled, still fired up. She waited for a moment as Jackie replied. "No, I did not sneak Scruffy into the plane! Why would I do that?" Silence. "Well, you'll just have to keep an eye on him, then!" More silence. "Winston Smith, now let me read the rest, okay?!"
She jabbed the "End Call" icon so hard that the screen nearly cracked, then angrily shoved it in her pocket. Pulling the book from her backpack, she made her way back down the hallway, leaving Prometheus and Hestia to stare.
"...Interesting brat, isn't she?" Prometheus chuckled.
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There was a heavy thud that knocked over Uncle's pile of books as the plane made its landing in the Agra airport.
"No time to lose!" Uncle announced, bending over to shovel his books back into his arms. "Tohru, hail a cab! The two of us must get to Taj Mahal before forces of chaos!"
"Two?" Jackie repeated. "What do you expect me to do?"
"Walk Scruffy! He has been agitated since takeoff!"
Jackie sighed and took a spare piece of rope from the emergency kit, tying it to the little dog's collar. As soon as the door opened, Scruffy bolted out like a bullet, dragging the much larger man behind him with an excited bark.
"Sensei, is this really a good idea? Jackie is our best hand-to-hand fighter," Tohru said as he and Uncle made to disembark.
"Though much diminished, Scruffy is still Noble Dog. Would be terrible idea to let forces of chaos anywhere near him," Uncle replied. "One more thing! Dogs not allowed in palace! We need to get in there fast before power is triggered by random tourist, or worse!"
As the two wizards tried to find a taxi, they were completely unaware of the large, white-clad man currently shadowing their every move...
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"No, Scruffy!" Jackie yelled as the little dog pulled him with surprising strength through the stall-lined bazaar. Every scent and sound seemed to excite the little mutt, and he eagerly zigzagged between them. "Heel! Heel! Baddogbaddogbaddog!"
Sadly, Scruffy paid no attention to Jackie's instructions as he stole a bite of lamb from a stand, knocked over a tub of coriander, and barked incessantly at a pen of live chickens, scaring them out of their container and sending them running around the market with a chorus of frightened clucking, causing even more chaos. Jackie tugged and tugged at the makeshift leash, but the tighter he held, the more Scruffy seemed to fight, and the more the dog misbehaved. Scruffy ducked under a stall, and Jackie had to tuck and roll, then pop back up running to avoid a collision. As the woman selling the chickens screamed at him, he tossed her a handful of emergency money and, in that brief moment that he let go with one hand, Scruffy yanked his rope free and took off even faster down the road.
"...After this, Jade is signing him back up for obedience classes," Jackie sighed as he gave chase, following the chain of minor chaos Scruffy left in his wake. "Scruffy, wait! That is not a hydrant!"
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"Ah," Eris said, exhaling a deep sigh of relief. "That feels wonderful."
"I'm going to take a wild guess here and say you're not talking about the environment," Vanessa said wryly. Eris and her followers were currently standing in line, having just passed through the gate to what was probably India's greatest work of architecture: a massive marble palace-slash-tomb, purest white in its coloration. The edifice stood proud at the southern bank of the Yamuna River, with four tall towers framing the corners and a huge dome-topped structure in the center, almost like a giant bulb of garlic, but thankfully without the smell. The grounds surrounding the Taj were an immaculate garden of emerald grasses and delicate shrubs, a far cry from its crowded and often filthy urban surroundings. Even the many tourists surrounding them were well-behaved, albeit talkative.
"Of course not! There's chaos going on nearby, and that always puts a smile on my face!" Eris snapped, literally drawing two more smiles on her cheeks with her index finger. However, those smiles almost immediately shifted into frowns. "This building, on the other hand, is just disgusting! It's one giant container for corpses! And it's so...white! There are other colors, you know!"
"Originally, there was meant to be a black version to compliment it, but they were unable to-" Zhixin began before Eris put a hand over his mouth.
"Zhixin, darling, I'm gonna level with you," she groaned. "I keep you around for a few reasons, but the trivia isn't one of them. The only thing I need to know about this place is where Hera's power is most likely to be hanging out, capice? So, what've you got?"
"That is unclear, Lady Eris," Kasahara replied with a bow of his head. "Wreaths are a common decorating element here; we may have to search the place top to bottom."
Eris rubbed a hand over her face in frustration, peeling the skin away. "Then we'll have to flush out the vermin - by which I mean humans," the face said as it hung from her hand. She gave it a shake and put it back on her head. "What do you think? Nostril-burning stench?"
"Perhaps we could just send in Kasahara to sneak around and-" Zhixin began, only to be cut off.
"Feels a bit tame, honestly," Vanessa interrupted as Zhixin seethed. "Plus, we should probably be thinking ahead for when the Chans show up. They don't scare easily, so we'll need something a little more serious. Something with teeth to it, metaphorically and physically."
Eris gave this some thought. "Well," she said after a minute. "If there's one creature I know humans hate, it's…" She concentrated for a moment, closing her eyes and scowling as she chanted under her breath, "Fídia sti Gi, apantíste stin klísi mou! Fídia sti Gi, apantíste stin klísi mou!"
Beneath the group's feet, the ground let out a soft rumble. Screams could be heard as it approached from afar, spilling through the entrance arch, vibrating as a wave swept toward the group. As the wave approached, writhing and hissing, Eris's henchmen were able to make out that it was not one big thing, but instead a great many small ones. Hundreds upon hundreds of little yellow- and black-striped snakes slithered all over each other as they answered Eris's call, writhing and swarming toward the goddess. Dozens of tourists shrieked, froze, or passed out. Kasahara gulped and transformed into a single piece of paper, flattening himself against the mausoleum's white wall, where he was nearly invisible. Vanessa teleported onto the nearest shrub, watching the creatures go by. Zhixin, with fewer options, simply yelped and climbed on Eris's shoulders, earning him a punch to the chin as his boss waved the snakes into the Taj.
Almost immediately, shrieks and gasps could be heard from within the monument. People began fleeing out of every other exit available, screaming in half a dozen different languages. Most of them had cellphones out, desperately trying to report the situation to animal control.
"That takes care of the sheep," Eris chuckled. "Now, let's go pluck that peacock."
"You know, we could have just taken a hostage or two," the old monk suggested. "Ancient wisdom: It is the foolish spider who is caught in her own web."
"...What?"
Zhixin opened his mouth to clarify when Kasahara yelped, "Watch out for snakes!" from his hiding place, promoting a dirty look from the old monk.
"I've got it covered," Vanessa said, emerging from the bushes. She pulled out a set of panpipes and began playing a gentle tune. All around, the snakes could be seen relaxing to the melody.
"Impressive," Eris said as she strode over to Vanessa. "Is that another artifact?"
"Nope," Vanessa replied between puffs. "I've had lessons in snake charming. It's better with a flute, but the panpipes felt more appropriate."
Gingerly, and still shivering, Kasahara emerged from his hiding place, and Zhixin climbed down from Eris as Vanessa led the way inside the Taj. The interior was just as spectacular as the outside, with walls of smooth white marble, and floors and ceilings decorated with tile mosaics and mandalas. Every hall seemed to lead to rooms full of memorials, and the walls were piled high with works of art.
"Split up and find me that wreath!" Eris ordered. The thieves each nodded and took off in a different direction, scouring the place.
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"One more thing," Uncle complained. "You drive too slowly! Uncle must stop forces of chaos before it is too late! One more thing! Stop driving over potholes! Uncle's potion is spilling!"
Tohru sighed. His sensei had been going on like this since they had left the airport. When Uncle wasn't personally driving, he could be the worst passenger. At least he could talk and work at the same time. But even Uncle couldn't blame the driver when a stampede of people came running from the direction of the Taj Mahal, screaming and panicking, forcing the taxi to an abrupt halt.
"Eris is already here!" Uncle cried. "We must go now!"
Grabbing his ingredients, Uncle threw open the cab door and raced out. Sighing, Tohru paid the slack-jawed cab driver, plus a generous tip, and ran after him, barrelling past the panicked tourists as Uncle readied his blowfish.
"Aiyah!" Uncle cried, skidding to a halt just through the entrance to the palace grounds. Tohru was going too fast to stop in time, though, and with one touch from the giant's stomach, Uncle was hurled directly into the gardens, landing on his stomach directly in the massive nest of snakes. Sweating bullets, the old man moved slowly and deliberately, gently lifting himself up to his knees as the snakes slithered by, uninterested. Relieved, Uncle got to his feet and dusted the grass stains off of his vest. "Much magic is at work here," he muttered.
Gingerly, Tohru set one of his colossal feet into a small spot without snakes. The serpents showed little interest, neither attacking nor retreating as he rested his weight.
"Be very careful, Tohru!" Uncle warned. "Those are banded kraits! As venomous as cobras! One more thing! Whatever has calmed them will not last long!"
"Yes, Sensei!" Tohru answered, doing his best to hurry through. Every step was like risking a land mine going off as he crossed the gardens, his huge strides easily catching up to Uncle. Doing his best to be helpful, he lifted the old man onto his shoulders and kept walking, but about three quarters of the way over, the snakes began to grow restless. They began slithering much more quickly, hissing out warnings.
"Sensei," Tohru whispered, shivering, "please tell me you have a plan?"
"Do not move, Tohru!" Uncle warned also in the same tone of voice. "Uncle must work!"
Grabbing his bag of ingredients, Uncle mixed together a few ingredients and poured them over his blowfish. "Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao. Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao," he whispered, pointing the fish at a bare spot on the ground. "Maintain balance, Tohru," Uncle hissed in his ex-apprentice's ear.
Tohru nodded and planted his feet, and seconds later, the earth began to shake. It was just a minor tremor, but the snakes began to scatter, fleeing to the edges of the garden and burrowing underground.
"Snakes very sensitive to vibrations," Uncle explained. "Hide underground before quakes."
The danger gone for now, Tohru quickly made his way into the Taj Mahal proper. As he put Uncle down, he scanned the entry hall, noting the disarrayed garlands, wreaths, and assorted decorations covering the floors. "Well, they certainly haven't been wasting time," he noted.
"If they had found power, they would still be here," Uncle muttered, peering deeper into the building. "Trail splits into three up ahead. They must have separated."
"Then we will have to pick a path and hope to get lucky," Tohru said. "Sensei, ready your combat spells."
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Kasahara chuckled to himself as he scanned the tomb around him, picking up the odd piece of fine art and tucking it into his robe. It may not have been what most would consider Far Eastern - especially him, the world's greatest thief and collector of Far East art - but anything worthy of the Taj was sure to fetch a pretty penny.
Walking through an underground passage, he stepped into the heart of the Taj - the burial chamber. As he gazed on the finest tombs in the palace, the true sarcophagi of Mumtaz Mahal and Shah Jahan (as opposed to the false ones on the main floor), a glint of blue sitting atop the far crypt caught his eye. It was a fine peacock-feather wreath, a ring of stringy blue, green, and brown, with a distinctive eye marking. It was certainly a dazzling decoration, and despite the gold and jewels filling the room, it seemed to shine with a divine radiance.
With a triumphant laugh, Kasahara snatched it up, taking time to seize an authentic watercolor masterpiece of the goddess Kali's destruction of the monster Raktabija. He dashed upstairs to deliver his prize to the boss, calling out, "Lady Eris, I have retrieved the wreath!" As he rounded a corner, though, he slammed into the solid wall of muscle that was Tohru's chest, falling to the tiled floor. As he lay there dazed, a pair of shoes walked into his line of sight.
"I am sorry," Uncle told the thief as he snatched the wreath from his hand, "I will not bring it back later! Thank you!"
Kasahara snarled and transformed into his paper samurai form, lunging at the old man with his sharp-edged arms, but Tohru intercepted him with one hand, forcibly folding the master thief in his massive grip, turning him from a samurai into an oversized snowball before throwing him down the hall.
"Lady Eris!" Kasahara screamed, his face sticking out of the paper ball as he struggled to right himself. "The interlopers have arrived! Come quickly!"
"Hurry, Tohru!" Uncle urged as he and the giant sprinted down the halls. "No time to dilly-dally!"
As the two raced down the tile hallways, their footsteps echoed throughout the mausoleum. With little to slow them down, their speed increased as they approached the main hallway leading to the entrance, when Tohru was sent flying into the wall by a huge energy blast, leaving a considerable indentation and shaking loose thousands of dollars' worth of antiques.
"Ancient wisdom," Zhixin hissed as he emerged, charging up another blast. "The meal is served when the fish is cooked, not caught." He aimed the blast higher this time, right at Tohru's face, but Uncle was faster on the draw, firing a burst of energy from his blowfish that knocked the old monk off-balance. Gritting his teeth, Zhixin lunged at Uncle, sweeping the legs, but Uncle backstepped and dodged just in time, then blindsided the monk by slapping him across the face.
"You want a piece of Uncle?!" the old man demanded as the two charged up another round of energy blasts that ultimately canceled each other out.
Sneering back at Uncle, Zhixin leapt into the air, elbowed Uncle into a wall, and prepared to blast again, but was knocked away by a swipe from the now-recovered Tohru. Tohru followed up by slamming the monk into a wall with his belly, then grabbing Uncle and turning to escape, but Kasahara, who had finally uncrumpled himself, cut them off.
The thief folded himself into a paper centipede and climbed over the giant, clamping him with his mandibles. Tohru screamed and tried to shake him off, but Origami held tight. Pulling a vial from his vest pocket, Uncle popped the cork and threw the purplish contents at the fold-up man, then hit him with a blast from his blowfish. Before their eyes, Origami folded up into a tight square, then dropped to the floor, staring at them from a face atop the ream.
"I can't move!" the thief complained, glaring at the old wizard. "What sorcery is this?!"
"One of Uncle's first creations!" the old man bragged. "Spell for folding laundry. Must be resourceful in this line of work. Could never manage right amount of starch, but now…" he paused, then delivered a two-fingered strike to Tohru's forehead. "What are you waiting for, Tohru?!" he demanded. "We must get while getting is good!"
Tohru rolled his eyes and ran for it, but soon found his path blocked by the person he least wanted to meet. Eris grinned and fired a spell at the floor, warping the tiles and causing him to tumble forward, Uncle flying into the air above him. Tohru crashed down and the whole Taj shook, and Uncle landed on top of his giant ex-apprentice. A few sleepy-looking kraits eyed them, but kept their distance.
"Oh, what a lovely gift," Eris snickered, snatching the wreath from Uncle's hand. "When I rule the world, I'll send you a nice fruit bouquet. A nice one, too. With minimal cantaloupe."
Uncle moved with surprising speed, bouncing off of Tohru and seizing the wreath, leading to another tug-of-war between the two. Eris snarled and increased her pull, but Tohru got to his feet and grabbed Uncle tight around his waist. Together, the two managed to steal the ornament back.
"I'll be taking that, if you don't mind," Vanessa spoke up, teleporting beside Uncle and taking the wreath for herself. With some pounding footsteps, a recovered Kasahara and Zhixin sprinted down the hall to flank her.
"Quick, give it to the boss!" Zhixin ordered, seeing the prize in Vanessa's hand.
"Don't tell me what to do!" Vanessa snapped, but she seemed to like the idea. She hurled the wreath like a frisbee and Eris caught it.
"At last!" the Goddess of Discord shrieked. "Now, witness the power of the queen of the gods!"
She held up the wreath and began to chant, channeling the ancient magic to harmonize with her own, when she was unexpectedly stricken from behind by a small grey bundle of fur. The small but surprisingly strong nuisance knocked her to the floor and seized the wreath in his mouth, then took off running, a length of rope trailing behind him. Vanessa lashed out her whip, but he dodged to the side, ducking between Kasahara's legs, and narrowly avoiding Zhixin as the old monk dove for him.
"Scruffy!" Jackie cried, huffing and puffing down the hall. "Sit! Stay! Oh, Jade will never forgive me if he gets hurt!" As he stopped to catch his breath, he looked up with a start. "Wait, is this the-?" was all he had time to say before Vanessa slammed a kick into his midsection, knocking him to the ground.
"Hah! I'll never get tired of that!" Vanessa chortled as she planted her foot atop his back, pinning him to the ground. She turned her head to Kasahara and Zhixin and continued, "You two, take care of the cur."
"Hold it, underlings! I want the first piece of that mutt!" Eris snarled, charging towards Scruffy with death in her eyes. Literally - her irises had taken the shape of skulls. "Of all of the miscreants to stop me from obtaining the powers of Hera herself, it had to be that dog!"
However, while Eris tried to take the lead, Zhixin was closest. The old monk sped down the hall, swerving around a corner, but Uncle and Tohru were close on his heels, followed by Eris and Kasahara.
"My, my, Chan," Vanessa purred, digging her heel into the small of Jackie's back. "It appears that this will be our last dance."
"Then I'll take the lead," Jackie shot back. He forcefully pressed himself up with both hands and flipped over onto his back, sending Vanessa tumbling into a wall, then popped back up, leaping into the air for a flying punch. Vanessa teleported to the other wall just in time, and Jackie ended up striking the marble with his fist. He winced and shook off the pain, then did the splits and fell to the floor just before Vanessa's whip could strike the back of his head. Pressing off against the wall, he vaulted into a backward roll, planted his hands on the floor, and executed a perfect backflip with his legs still spread wide, clamping down on Vanessa as he landed and holding her arms to her side.
"I do so hate it when men get clingy," she sneered, before turning and bashing Jackie into the wall behind her. When his grip loosened, she burst free and tried to kick him in the chest again, but he dodged right and punched her in the cheek. The blow made her spin, and he made a break for it as she hit the floor, dashing down the hall in pursuit of the dog.
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Still following Scruffy down the halls, Zhixin was elbowed aside by Uncle as the old man passed him. Enraged, he charged up a blast, but Tohru kicked him aside and he missed. Eris leapt over his prone form, while Kasahara, his expression slightly concerned, conspicuously hesitated for just a moment near the old monk before continuing the pursuit.
"What are the odds that Scruffy would come here?" Tohru puffed as he ducked to avoid Kasahara, who had folded into a cricket and tried to pounce on him. He stood back for a second, then trampled the thief flat.
"Better than you think," Uncle replied, twisting as they rounded another corner. Scruffy barked just ahead and leapt atop a decorative marble sarcophagus, assuming a playful position. "Scruffy still holds traces of magic, and magic seeks magic."
"Speaking of which..." Eris barked. The goddess smashed her way behind Tohru, briefly turning her hands into talons to seize the giant's back and hoist herself over, flying out in front of him to tackle the dog. Scruffy showed no fear, though, treating everything as it was a game. He scampered aside, shaking his head with the wreath as Eris lunged again. "Disgusting beast!" she screeched. "Give me that wreath!"
Scruffy was backed into a corner as Eris prepared to scoop him up, but Jackie arrived just in time, somersaulting over the others and kicking Eris aside. Eris popped back up, even more furious than before, and ferociously leapt at Jackie, delivering a nasty punch to his ribs, but Jackie held his own, recovering and blocking Eris's next strike. "Run, Scruffy!" he ordered, praying that once, just this once, the dog would obey.
After a quick look around the room, Scruffy dashed off in the direction of the entrance, prompting a sigh of relief from Jackie. Kasahara folded into a tiger and pounced, but Tohru shoved him aside, knocking the thief to the ground. Before the giant could grab for the dog, Vanessa teleported in and kicked him away with one high heel to the stomach. Before she could take her prize, Uncle blasted her away. Scruffy ignored it all and kept running, but as he ran past the still form of Zhixin, the old monk's hand shot out like a bullet, snatching the wreath and lifting Scruffy up with it.
"No!" Uncle shouted. All around them, the fracas came to a grinding halt as Scruffy whimpered, eyes wide with fear.
Zhixin got to his feet, a chuckle building in his throat. "Ancient wisdom: the possum knows when to lie in wait, and when to strike," he said, turning the wreath over in his hands. Scruffy's jaws were still clamping tight, but the wreath wouldn't tear. In fact, it was starting to glow, the eye patterns briefly glancing around the room. "If everyone is going to look down on me, I might as well take advantage of it."
"But possums don't actually-" Kasahara started to say before Vanessa elbowed him in the ribs, knocking the wind out of him.
"Kasahara, shut up," Eris said out of the corner of her mouth, before turning her full attention to Zhixin."So I'm going to take a wild guess and assume you don't want to just give me the thing."
"Honestly? Not particularly," Zhixin growled, the wreath's glow intensifying. "I have been ignored, denigrated, belittled, mocked, and left for dead in the lair of a monster! I think I have earned a chance to take charge!"
"Yeah, thought so," Eris sighed, shaking her head. Jackie, Uncle and Tohru finally snapped out of their stupor and tried to charge forward, but with a flick of her wrist, the goddess surrounded them in kraits.
"Mistress Eris, you are taking this...much more calmly than expected," Kasahara said hesitantly.
"I told you earlier, didn't I? I'm here for chaos! Getting the power myself would have been the gold, but I can live with the silver of watching Zhixin wreck this place!" Eris said, grinning wildly. "Besides, wasn't this what you meant by 'Plan B'?"
"No, actually, but whatever," Vanessa moaned, putting a hand on her head. "Well, Kasahara, see you on the other side of this."
"Remind me why we thought this was the best way to help him relieve stress?" Kasahara asked, unaware of the reverberations starting to fill the room.
Vanessa opened her mouth to answer, only to be halted by a downright bestial growl emerging from Zhixin's mouth. "STOP IGNORING ME!" the monk snapped, sending a blast of energy at the floor between them. He gritted his teeth and charged up another. "Ancient wisdom: Only a fool ignores a warlord!"
As he stood there, seething, a voice sounded in his head. It was feminine, but harsh and impossibly authoritative. "Zhixin," it said. "I understand your frustration. I, too, know what it is like to be disrespected. It appears that we are of one mind, so let us be of one power as well!"
"I couldn't agree more!" Zhixin shouted, laughing maniacally. The wreath in his hand grew even brighter, glowing like a second sun. A moment later, the glow grew to encompass Zhixin's entire body, leaving Scruffy fultilly hanging from the hand of a man-shaped mass of energy.
"Bad day bad day bad day…" Jackie muttered as the glow slowly began to shrink around Zhixin's form. Within a few seconds, the glow had formed a tight silhouette, only to peel away and unfold like the fan of a peacock, revealing Zhixin's new appearance. The old monk's robe had gone from its plain maroon to a resplendent royal blue, with a fine tail of peacock feathers spread out to his full height. Silver rings decorated with sapphires glittered from every one of his fingers, and a silver band, a ferronnière, bearing a glittering gemstone eye rested on his brow. The most notable change, though, was far beyond his clothing. He carried himself with an air of unshakable confidence, a presence unmistakable for anything other than a ruler. The kraits froze in awe of him, their lean bodies standing at attention. Even Scruffy stopped squirming as he hung from the wreath. Everybody remained silent as the monk cast his eyes at his cohorts. "Apologize!" he commanded in an echoing tone, the eye upon his ferronnière flashing as he did.
Kasahara took a knee and opened his mouth, but Vanessa gritted her teeth and, with effort, slapped a hand over his face. After a mere moment of this, though, she weakened and knelt as well.
"Yes, that is where you belong!" Zhixin cackled, tossing Scruffy aside with a flick of his wrist. The dog hit the wall with a whimper and hid behind Jackie's leg. "Groveling in the dirt before my magnificent presence!"
"Okay, let's not get too crazy here," Eris said, rolling her eyes. "First of all, a marble floor is hardly dirt. And secondly, you still work for me. Don't forget that."
"Don't presume to tell me what to do!" Zhixin snapped, his tiara flashing once more. "I am he who bears the mantle of the queen of the gods, while you are-"
"A goddess born and true," Eris interrupted, her voice deadly cold. "Attempt to wield Hera's power on me again and you will feel the difference between us. Brutally."
Startled, the old monk took a step back, shaking his head from side to side. "Yes, of course!" he stammered. "Please forgive-"
"Don't worry about it," Eris scoffed, her demeanor back to normal. "We've all gotten drunk with power and done things we regret in the morning. More than once I cut off a piece of a person and hung it on a tree as fruit. Just keep it aimed at the right targets," she continued. "Now, I'll let you have your fun, but let's test out Auntie's spell first…"
Eris began to chant in a language far older than Greek as she made bizarre movements with her hands, channeling ancient powers. A brightly colored line formed between her and Zhixin, like a vacuum tube trying to suck him dry. To everyone's surprise, though, it sputtered and died without result. The goddess frowned, disappointed, before shaking her head. "Great. Not even a little pull. It appears that the power latches on tight at first; doesn't want to change owners just yet. But more importantly…" she cast an eye at her other two minions. Zhixin nodded and waved his hand, and Vanessa and Kasahara returned to their feet.
"Ugh," Vanessa moaned, rubbing her hands over her arms. "Why does karma feel like I've been dipped in ice water?"
"It felt more like puppet strings to me," Kasahara said, shivering. "Is all forgiven now, Zhixin?" he asked hopefully.
"Ancient wisdom," the monk told him. "Honor is easily lost, but long fought to regain. Now get out of my sight."
"I'll take care of that," Eris told him. She took a moment to conjure something between her hands, then tossed it at the monk. He examined it closely, finding a round piece of rubber.
"A whoopie cushion?" he said, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, if you get into trouble, give it a squeeze. Have fun! Be back later for that power!"
With a snap of her fingers, Eris disappeared in a puff of rainbow-colored smoke, along with Kasahara and Vanessa, leaving only a graffiti apple.
During this entire interaction, Jackie, Uncle, and Tohru had been in awe of the absolute strangeness unfolding before their eyes. Demons, sorcerers, demon sorcerers - nothing compared to the freak show of the gods. Nonetheless, they recovered, and Uncle pulled out his chi-o-matic. "Tohru," he ordered. "Give Uncle lotus flower! Must prepare spell!"
Tohru nodded and pulled out their spell kit, handing the old man the aforementioned blossom. There was a bright flash of light, a stream of energy, and the flower was vaporized immediately, leaving the giant speechless.
"Did you think it would be that easy?" Zhixin sneered, one of the eyespots on his tail glowing as he charged up another shot.
Jackie chuckled nervously. "Uh, maybe?" he said, only to yelp as he was forced to dodge rapid-fire blasts from Zhixin's fully spread tail. His expression shifted, though, and he somersaulted over the kraits and through the blasts, landing beside the monk and snatching the powerless wreath from his hand. "But this should work, too!" he shouted, leaning back to throw it to Uncle.
There was another blast, and the wreath burned away. Jackie's eyes went wide. "Well, I'm out of ideas."
"Then allow me to experiment," Zhixin told him, a Cheshire cat grin spreading across his narrow face. He swept his leg and knocked Jackie off-balance, then tossed him back into the ring of kraits.
As the snakes surrounded the trio and Scruffy, Uncle and Tohru whipped out their blowfish, preparing to repel them, but the snakes stayed where they were. Instead, they merely rose up like cobras, nearly balancing on the tips of their tails, and began to hiss violently. The sound reverberated and became louder and more frequent, more of a buzz than a hiss. Their eyes turned multifaceted, and the tips of their tails hardened like nails. Many of them took to the air on small clear wings growing from their midsections. And yet at the same time, they retained their fangs, now clearly dripping with venom, their scales were more densely packed, and their forked tongues waved in the air.
"...What are those things?" Tohru whispered, completely horrified.
"Do you like them? Snakes can be such wild and selfish creatures, but bees are different. They respect authority. Everything they do is in service of their queen. The only problem is that they aren't deadly enough. So I combined the two beasts into one magnificent race. These are creatures worthy of my rule." Zhixin's expression turned thoughtful as he put a hand to his chin. "I am going to need to think of a name, though…" he mused, tapping his fingers against his face. "Oh well. Problems for later. Right now, it is time to rid myself of you pests once and for all! Attack, my pets!"
The eye on Zhixin's ferronnière flashed, and the snake-bees lunged forward. Jackie reacted fastest, seizing an antique shield from the wall and blocking the first wave of flying monsters. Their teeth bounced off of the barrier, but they curled their tails underneath, eager to strike with their fangs. With his other hand, Jackie grabbed an old tapestry and spun his wrist, twirling the cloth into a makeshift whip, waving it over the heads in a feeble attempt to stop the creatures. Uncle took the opportunity to drop another spell on his blowfish and started firing. The snakes-bees, still numbering in the dozens, began to back away.
"Tohru!" Uncle ordered, "clear a path!"
Tohru grunted and pushed Jackie aside, then charged through the creatures like a bull, batting them away on both sides. Despite their fierce appearance, the monsters seemed surprisingly unwilling to bite, let alone sting. As Tohru led the way out, though, he was halted in his path by a blast to the floor in front of him.
"Stop right there!" Zhixin growled, proudly blowing smoke off of his palm. His ferronnière flashed, and Tohru froze in place with a furious expression. "Very good," the monk said, slightly taken aback by the effectiveness of his command. "Hm...on second thought, rather than getting my hands dirty, it would be much more rewarding to watch you destroy your family. Well, tubby, get to it!"
Zhixin's ferronnière let out another flash, this one much brighter, and the life drained from Tohru's eyes on the spot. At the same time, a third eye opened on his forehead, a stylized image resembling the eye on Zhixin's ferronnière. Slowly, Tohru straightened from his charging posture and turned to face Jackie and Uncle. His normally kind, thoughtful face had turned into an ugly sneer that was all too familiar to them: it was the same expression he used to wear when he was working for the Dark Hand.
"Aiyah!" Uncle yelled, watching as Jackie continued to bat away the snake-bees. "Tohru, don't listen!"
"Ancient wisdom," Zhixin chortled. "The hungry tiger knows no reason. Your friend cannot hear you. He knows only my commands. And I command him to end you!"
There was another flash from the tiara's eye, and Tohru let out a grunt before sprinting at his old friends. The snake-bees now ignored the giant entirely, and he slipped through their numbers with his arms out, ready to pin Jackie and Uncle to the wall. Jackie reacted just in time, pushing Uncle aside and curling into a ball, rolling between Tohru's feet. He popped back up as Tohru turned, working quickly to dodge the sumo's strikes. Tohru was big, but slow, and for a moment Jackie thought he'd actually hold an advantage. Then he remembered that Tohru wasn't alone. The snake-bees lunged en masse, their fangs out, and Jackie gasped and vaulted off of Tohru, pushing off of his shoulder and flipping over him, then using all of his strength to push Tohru to his knees, just letting the monsters pass over him.
"We need to get out of here!" Jackie cried, and Uncle nodded. The old wizard blasted Tohru aside with a shot from his blowfish, and the two ran for it, but Tohru was much faster on his feet than ever before. He sprinted after the two, along with a swarm of Zhixin's monsters, quickly closing the gap between them. Jackie pushed Uncle forward and spun, leaping and landing a kick on Tohru's chin, sending him falling backward onto a large number of snake-bees. "Sorry!" Jackie apologized as he turned to run. "We'll come back for you!"
The two sprinted away, desperate to escape, but the old monk folded his tail and somersaulted forward, vaulting over Jackie and Uncle's heads and landing directly in front of them. Grinning, he began charging up blasts in both his hands, only for Jackie to bat the monk's hands upward to blast through the ceiling instead. Undaunted, Zhixin swept his foot out and sent Jackie crashing into Uncle beside him. The old monk readied another blast, but Jackie caught his wrists, redirecting the blasts yet again.
"You will not win, Chan!" Zhixin snarled. "My rule will be absolute!"
Jackie ignored him. "Run for it, Uncle!" he called. "Get out while you can!"
Uncle nodded and sprinted down the hall, finally reaching a corner where he'd be out of range of the old man's blasts, but he was held back by a single word.
"STOP!" Zhixin roared. The eye on his ferronnière flashed once more, and both Jackie and Uncle gave pause, as did Scruffy. Zhixin smiled, reveling in his victory, but the three proved more of a challenge than Tohru. All of them hesitated for a few seconds, but began to move once more. Uncle scooped up the dog and began sprinting as fast as he could, and was soon out of sight, while Jackie stood before the monk, glaring but otherwise still.
"Tut tut, Chan," Zhixin hissed, calling the snake-bees back to him. "You should know better than to glare at your betters. Besides, you think the old man can stop me? He'll be mine soon enough. In fact…" he murmured, snapping his fingers. Immediately, the eyes, fangs, and stingers of the snake-bees pulsed with a sickly green light. "That should make starting my reign even easier. Now after him!" he ordered, sending the monsters buzzing down the hall.
"And now for you, Chan," the old monk continued, looking over Jackie with an eager eye. "Stand down!"
Jackie grit his teeth and moaned, but, as if pressed down by a massive hand, fell to his knees.
"Good, good," Zhixin laughed. "Now, bow before your master."
The light finally went out in Jackie's eyes as he fell forward, an obedient slave to the monk.
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MP: Now that is a cliffhanger! I mean, if I didn't know what happens next, I'd be so impatient! Well, see you in a month or two!
PA2: We'll try to be a little quicker with the next update for everyone's sake. Still, better quality updates slowly than terrible content quickly! Just look at James Patterson.
MP: Which example is that? Are we about to get sued for that comment?
PA2: Comedy is protected speech, we're good. Besides, we have more important things to worry about! Like the next chapter preview!
MP: Will Jade ever finish her book report in time? Find out in "Agra-vation"! Remember to fave, follow, and review! And check out Green Phantom Queen's works, too!