PA2: And we're back, everybody! We hope you missed us!
MP: He's such a sadist that he wishes you negative emotions!
PA2: You know me so well. But isn't all joy born from suffering? We can only hope because we despair!
MP: You take one philosophy class and think you can diffuse anything…
PA2: Joke's on you; I've never taken a philosophy course! Just watched a lot of Danganronpa…
MP: Well, this two-parter is a particular favorite of ours, born out of love and a desperate desire for attention that can only be filled by reviews. REVIEWS!
PA2: So basically, it's exactly the same as our other chapters. Except totally different because we like writing new things. Now before you can question the logic of that statement, let's get started! (P.S. Stay tuned after the chapter for a bonus myth!)
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Jackie Chan Adventures: Olympian Journey
Chapter 9: Kyoto My Heart
Prometheus let out a cheerful whistle as he rummaged through the closet, tossing aside lesser magical artifacts. Uncle's Rare Finds had a surprising abundance of them, more than the Titan would have guessed - and being the Titan of Forethought, that was saying something. Still, very little of it was useful.
A box slipped, and Prometheus rushed to stop an entire shelf from toppling. The old man and his sumo were asleep upstairs, and even those who benefited from Prometheus's assistance rarely approved of his methods. The chewing out he'd gotten after taking the Bands of Shiva made that perfectly clear. But in a battle against primordial forces of Chaos, any advantage at all had to be used. Not that there were many here.
Prometheus was about to give up when he moved aside a stack of magic clay bowls, mostly enchanted to make a meager meal filling, when he spotted something good standing up against the wall. The Titan actually had to take a moment to stare in reverence at the mother of all prizes. And here it was, caked in dust in the back of the old man's closet, obviously totally forgotten.
"Oh, yes," the Titan muttered. "They can use this."
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Two Weeks Later...
Toshiro let out a sigh of contentment. Here in his small village on the outskirts of Kyoto, he was hard at work in his craft. He hefted his hammer and pounded the hot iron into shape, forming yet another nail.
And only about a thousand more to go.
Working at a steady pace, Toshiro filled a basket with his handmade nails. Normally the heat would be sweltering, but in late December it was perfectly comfortable. His forge may have been small and basic, but it was perfect for a man of simple needs. A workaholic by his nature, Toshiro wasn't even bothering to go out and enjoy New Year's.
As he worked, he heard a strange sound coming from behind him. Turning his head, he saw a woman who couldn't look less local, with her caramel-colored skin and full lips, dressed in a heavy chinchilla coat. Toshiro raised an eyebrow as a hand brushed to the whip she carried at her side, his eyes moving towards the still closed and bolted door. "Sorry," Toshiro told her, in his limited English. "No one allowed in forge."
The woman clicked her tongue in disappointment. "Now that's a pity," she said in crisp English-accented Japanese. "Because I only need one little thing."
Nearly faster than the eye could see, she seized her whip and lashed it out at Toshiro, striking him in the chest and sending him crashing into a wall of tools. Then, with a triumphant chuckle, she stepped over him and seized his hammer.
Looking it over more closely, she smiled to see a stylized image of an anvil embossed on the handle. "Perfect," she said, before reaching into her coat pocket and tossing a wad of bills on the unconscious blacksmith's face. "Pleasure doing business with you," she added, before disappearing in a strange blip.
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Outside of the forge, Vanessa reunited with Kasahara and Zhixin in the early evening's frigid cold. The snow was packed over a foot and a half deep, and still coming down in big flakes. "Too easy," she told them, showing off her prize.
"Ancient wisdom," Zhixin told her, wrapping his parka even tighter around himself. "No ship is safe until it reaches port."
"Agreed," Kasahara spoke up. He alone was no more bundled up than usual, still in his everyday purple robe. How he wasn't shivering was a miracle. "Let's get back to the lodge while the getting is good."
Vanessa nodded and led them back to their rental car. All three of the villains seated themselves as a loud roar pierced the air.
"What's wrong with the engine?" Kasahara demanded.
"I haven't started it yet!" Vanessa snapped from the driver's seat. "Which means-"
"We have company!" Zhixin interjected, pointing out the car window, the motion exposing one of the golden bangles on his wrist.
A pair of snowmobiles sailed through the frozen Kyoto village, carrying two passengers each, with every one of them dressed for the weather. The closer of the two drove straight up to the car, carrying two average-sized passengers. Jackie and Uncle circled the car, sizing up the opposition.
"They have the hammer!" Jackie shouted over the roar of his engine.
"Uncle can see that!" Uncle snapped. "Make sure Agents of Chaos do not get away!"
The other snowmobile skidded to a stop next to the car. Tohru hopped off and, with a loud grunt, lifted the entire car over his head just before Vanessa could hit the gas. The car's tires spun uselessly in the air.
"Kasahara!" Zhixin ordered, turning in his seat. With a nod, the Japanese thief transformed into his signature paper samurai form, slashing through the floor of the car like he was opening a can of soup.
"There goes our deposit," Vanessa muttered. Louder, she yelled, "Be ready to drop!" Not a moment later, the bottom of the car fell out, sliced to pieces by Origami's blades.
Tohru, already dazed from a few near misses from the swords, was knocked around further by the falling metal, giving the three thieves enough leeway to land safely on the ground. But before they could take further advantage of Tohru's dazed state, a small form leapt from the snowmobile and sent Kasahara to the ground. Kasahara popped up just as quickly, though, lunging at Jade, but Tohru slammed what was left of the car directly onto the thief's head.
The fold-up man briefly stumbled back, but without bones to break he recovered quickly, shifting into a bull and charging Tohru. The giant grabbed the paper man by the horns and held him back as Jade gave him an uppercut to the chin. While it was as ineffective as can be expected against a paper bull, it did daze the villain long enough for Tohru to more effectively grapple him.
Meanwhile, Zhixin's coat burst at the seams as an extra set of arms emerged, each hand glowing with a charged energy blast. Jackie somersaulted through the snow, dodging the first two blasts, then grabbed the new hands by the wrists, redirecting the second set harmlessly upward. "Sorry!" Jackie told him. "No fireworks until midnight!"
Zhixin snarled, twisted out of Jackie's grip, and used all four hands to drive Jackie back with a volley of karate chops. The archaeologist parried and took them in stride as he moved backward through the snow - that is, until he tripped over his snowmobile. As Zhixin charged a blast to finish Jackie, though, Jade pegged him in the back of the head with a snowball.
"Ancient wisdom," Jade mocked in her best impression of the old monk, even clasping her hands in front of her and bowing, all while looking up with a smirk on her face. "Surprise attacks are never expected." A second later, she was seized by Vanessa's whip.
"Too true," the mercenary laughed. She pulled Jade in tight with one hand and grabbed the hammer with the other. "Surrender, Chan, or it's hammer time!"
"Can't touch this!" Jade snapped back. She kicked Vanessa in the shin and broke free of the woman's grip, stealing the hammer along the way. "Man, this is heavier than it looks," she muttered as she tried to return to Jackie.
Vanessa readied her whip again, but Uncle fired a spell and the weapon curled in on itself like a nautilus shell. "What the-?!"
"Spell for curling hair," Uncle bragged. "Uncle knew he would find another use someday!"
"Laugh while you can, old timer!" Vanessa snapped, teleporting behind Uncle and hitting him over the head with the whip. The treated leather, tightly coiled thanks to Uncle's magic, struck like a club, knocking the old man to the ground. As the whip uncurled, Vanessa teleported again, directly in front of Jade. "If I had a hammer," she said with a grin, snatching the tool from Jade's hand.
Before she could do anything else, though, she was bowled over by a paper bull colliding with her back. A few feet away, Tohru dusted off his hands before charging forward at the two criminals.
Further away, as Zhixin fired another pair of blasts, Jackie swiped his leg out at the monk's foot, spinning him in place, blasting the piled forms of Vanessa and Kasahara away from Jade. The hammer flew through the air, and Tohru reached out and caught it, only for another blast from Zhixin to send it flying in front of the door to the forge. Jade quickly went to recover it as Jackie held back the monk, but Kasahara leapt up, folded back into samurai form, and lunged after Jade. She narrowly avoided a pair of swipes that slashed a hole right through the metal door, then jumped inside. Giving only a moment's attention to the unconscious blacksmith, she seized the tub of water he used to cool his creations. "Time to cool you off!" she muttered. With a grunt, she swung the bucket, sending its contents flying through the hole in the door. Kasahara was drenched, instantly returning to human form, and worse, the cold night air quickly froze the water around him, leaving him immobilized.
With a laugh, Tohru picked up a huge clump of snow and slammed it over Kasahara's head, then stood back as Jade ran up and kicked him into Vanessa and Zhixin, collecting them into a minivan-sized snowball as they rolled away, screaming bloody murder the entire time.
"They didn't have a snowball's chance," Jade bragged, patting Tohru's side.
"Well done, you two," Jackie said with a smile. It vanished instantly when Uncle gave him a two-fingered strike to the forehead.
"Are you forgetting something?" Uncle demanded. "Where is magic burping lady?"
As if on cue, a huge explosion lit up the horizon.
"Do we even wanna know if that's related?" Jade asked.
"...Wait," Jackie muttered, his eyes wide. "Isn't that where we left the jet…?"
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"Ha! Take that you miserable pile of metal and plastic!" Eris hooted, dancing on the smoldering wreckage of what had once been a top-quality harrier jet in an open field not far from the village. The pilot was lying face-down in the snow, barely out of the explosion's range. "This will be the first airplane to fall! My indignity will yet be avenged!" she chortled as the Chans came riding into the scene.
"That's a private jet!" Jade objected as the group pulled up. "It's not part of the airline industry! And that thing cost more than Jackie will make in a lifetime!"
"Unnecessarily hurtful," Jackie mumbled, "but true."
"Well maybe if you actually published your magical findings instead of handing them over to the government, you'd actually be worth something!" Eris laughed.
"Why do you care?" Tohru asked, puzzled.
"I don't!" Eris snapped. "But coming up with unnecessarily complicated insults is what I do! Now hand over the hammer!"
"Not going to happen!" Uncle snapped.
Eris growled and somersaulted down from the remains of the jet, flying through the snow and launching herself at Jade. Jade ducked and kicked her in the ribs, and Tohru caught the goddess in a bear hug. Any thought that this would be enough was driven from the sumo's head, along with most of the air in his lungs, when Eris elbowed him sharply in the kidneys, forcing him to drop her. She kicked Jade aside, knocking her into the snow, and then grabbed the hammer from the girl's hand.
"Finally, an Olympian power is mine!" the goddess cackled. She began chanting in Greek, continuing even as Jackie and Uncle drove at her. She lunged aside, dodging their snowmobile, then blocked Jackie when he jumped out to fight her. Uncle vanished from sight, driving the snowmobile away as Jackie took on the unimpressed goddess. She caught his fist with one hand, then swept his legs and threw him over her shoulder, all without breaking her concentration. A golden thread of energy grew between her and the hammer as the power became ready to transfer.
Just before Eris could absorb the energy, though, a flaming blast hit her in the back of the head, sending her tumbling into the snow. Jade took a moment to snatch the hammer, then hopped back up on the snowmobile with Tohru. Uncle rode up beside them, holding the smoking shaft of a signal flare salvaged from the plane. Jackie then popped back onto his feet and delivered a flying kick to the prone goddess, which brought a groan of pain from her.
"You really think you can take all of us?" Jade demanded as Eris got to her feet.
Eris cast her eyes at the team around her. "Probably not," she said through gritted teeth. "But this isn't over!"
With that, she vanished in a puff of smoke, melting the snow around her in the shape of an apple.
Shaking his head, Jackie made his way over to the pilot. He grabbed the man by the arms and hauled him to his feet. "Are you okay?" he asked.
The pilot, a tall and muscular black fellow, let out a groan when he saw the remains of the jet. "Ugh, yeah. But there's no way we're getting back on that thing."
"Already on it," Jade said, pulling out a phone. She hit a number on her contacts, and it was answered on the second ring. "Hey, Captain Black. Good news-bad news time. The good news is we got the hammer."
"Good work," Captain Black answered. "But what's the problem?"
"Eris blew up the jet." Jade answered and moved the phone away from her ear.
"What?!" Captain Black roared. "That thing cost three hundred million dollars! How did she-?"
"I don't know. And maybe it can be salvaged. I'm not exactly an expert. Point is, we need a ride."
Captain Black let out a sigh. "Okay, okay. I'll send another plane. But it'll take a while. It's the day before New Year's Eve-"
"New Year's Eve eve," Jade interrupted. "And actually, it's a day ahead here. Just plain New Year's Eve."
"-so people are taking time off," Captain Black finished, ignoring the interruption. "Gordon was our only pilot still here, so I'll have to call someone in. And it'll still take them several hours to get there. You guys are gonna have to find somewhere to wait it out. Either that or catch a commercial flight home."
"No!" Jade shouted, before taking a deep breath. "I-I mean, yeah, we'll wait. Thanks."
"No prob, kiddo," Captain Black chuckled. "Oh and Happy New Year," he added, before hanging up.
Jade sighed as she put away her phone, facing the group. "Looks like we need to find a hotel for the night," she groaned.
"I'll wait with the plane," Gordon told them. "It's the least I can do. I think there's still some room in the cockpit-enough for one, anyway. Plus, if there's still some power left, I can keep it heated."
"We will come get you when help arrives," Jackie promised. "Now, let's find a hotel."
Tohru shook his head. "I am afraid that that will be a Herculean task," he said with a frown. "New Year's is one of the biggest holidays in Japan. It is likely that the hotels will be booked solid all week."
"So where are we gonna stay?" Jade asked. "Because I am not gonna spend my night freezing my butt off out here!"
Tohru looked away from the group, playing with the sleeve of his jacket. "Well," he muttered. "There is one option…"
Uncle's eyes went wide as he stared at his ex-apprentice. "Oh, no!" the old man screamed. "You are not thinking-?"
"She livesclose by," Tohru reminded. "And there's sure to be room."
"No! Absolutely not! Uncle is putting his foot down! There is no way! No way whatsoever! Uncle would rather freeze to death than stay in that harpy's nest!"
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"Thanks for letting us stay, Ms…" Jade hesitated for a moment. Now that she thought about it, she'd never once heard Tohru's last name nor asked it what it was. "Uh, Ms. Tohru's Mom."
Normally Jackie might have said something, but he was too busy staring at Tohru's family estate. And "estate" was the proper word; the place was enormous. Much of their trip had been through the several-acre property, which had enough room for a massive garage full of cars and grazing land for a small herd of cattle. In the center, where they were standing now, was a huge mansion painted in white and cherry blossom pink. A flagpole rose up in front of the mansion, flying a flag with a golden symbol of twin cranes inside of a circle.
"Takagi!" Tohru's mother's voice snapped from the intercom. "Has my Tohru really never once mentioned his heritage? Well, anyway, come in," she continued, her tone softening. "It will be good to see my baby for the holiday. And since you are here, I have a surprise for you."
There was a loud buzz and the door cracked open. Uncle, pointedly facing away from the intercom, turned his glare to Tohru and gave him a two-fingered strike to the forehead. "Next time, you pay for takeout!" he snarled, pointing at the enormous mansion.
Tohru let out a deep sigh. "Yes, sensei," he mumbled as he led the way inside. The entrance hall was lined with exotic local art, some of which Jackie estimated to be over fifteen hundred years old. Hallways branched out from there, and Tohru paused for a moment. "Um, mommy?" he called. "Where exactly are you?"
"In the dining room!" she cried. "Now hurry up!"
Tohru selected a hallway and began leading the group. Just past the doorway, Tohru took off his sandals and replaced them with a pair of light slippers, the others following suit. As they walked through the labyrinthian estate, Jackie struck up a conversation.
"Tohru," he said, "how have you never mentioned that you come from such an influential family?"
"I preferred not to," Tohru answered, without looking back. "Growing up a Takagi was a lot of pressure. I was expected to master all forms of etiquette and to uphold the standards of our long-standing clan. It also meant never knowing just who my true friends were. Also, you very rarely asked about my life."
"Seems kinda obvious, though," Jade mused as she stared at some antique watercolors, trying to figure out just what the streaks and blobs of cyan and pink were supposed to represent. "I mean, who else could afford to feed a growing sumo?"
Tohru shook his head and stopped at an impressive set of double doors, carved from cherry wood and emblazoned with the family crest on either side. He knocked politely, then swung them open. A massive dining hall awaited them, decorated with even more art and antiques. An extra-long table sat in the middle, surrounded by freshly laid tatami mats.
Seated at the head of the table was Tohru's mother, a surprisingly small and unsurprisingly thickset woman with a remarkable facial resemblance to Tohru, save for the huge mole on her cheek. As usual, her clothes were a deep maroon, although her dress tonight was fancier than her regular attire. At her throat was a gold brooch embossed with the image of a crane. Seated on her right was an unfamiliar face: an elderly Japanese man whose features, while unremarkable, conveyed a sense of pleasantness. He was wearing a simple kimono patterned with cranes, a sight which had Tohru narrowing his eyes.
"Tohru," Ms. Takagi said sweetly, casting her eyes on her son. "How good to see you! Please, sit down. And Jackie and Jade," she said, staring at her guests. "It is so nice to see my baby's friends." She paused for a moment as she and Uncle made eye contact, both of them glaring. "Billy goat," she muttered under her breath.
"Spider witch," Uncle replied, prompting a snicker from Jade.
"Look who's talking," she whispered to Jackie, holding out her hands like she was weaving at a loom.
Jackie shook his head and, trying his best to keep the peace, cast a big smile in Ms. Takagi's direction. "Um, thank you so much for having us on such short notice," he said politely. "You have a very lovely home."
"Thank you, dear," Mama Tohru replied. It seemed that they'd caught her in a particularly good mood. "It has been the ancestral home of the great Takagi clan for centuries. Did Tohru ever tell you he was descended from samurai?"
"Not exactly," Jade told her as she knelt down by the table. "But we sorta figured it out along the way."
"Welcome home, Tohru," said the man beside Tohru's mother. "It is good to finally meet you. Your mother has told me so much about you."
Tohru muttered a greeting as he tossed his bag down beside a decorative armoire covered in equally decorative plates and bowls. Interestingly, all of the tableware on display was riddled with cracks filled with shiny golden mortar. He sat down on the other side of his mother, doing his best to fold his legs beneath the low table. Without a word, Jackie and Uncle seated themselves as well, across from the friendly gentleman.
Without a word, a servant emerged and placed plates of cold vegetables in front of the diners and retreated into the kitchen. The plates, from what could be seen under the vegetables, had the same cracked design as the pieces on the armoire.
"The grounds are very impressive as well," Jackie complimented, trying to make conversation. With Uncle tight-lipped (which was probably for the best) and Tohru quieter than usual, the room's ambiance had reached uncomfortable levels. "Do you own the entire area?"
"Yes, we do," Tohru's mom answered. "During the Sengoku Period, much of what was once Takagi land was divided up and parceled out to various lords. But over time, we were able to re-buy the land, and then some. In fact, I just secured some lovely acres just a few miles away."
"Shizu, please," the man next to her said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You know I do not like it when you brag."
Tohru's mother giggled (actually giggled!) as she patted the man on the back. "Of course, Daisuke," she told him. "But it is the first time that Tohru and his friends have come to visit. Plus," she said, turning her sharp eyes on Uncle, "I doubt junk seller has ever seen anything so nice."
Uncle let out a growl like a wolf about to stalk a lamb. "Uncle sells antiques finer than anything in this house!" he snapped back as he sprung up, slamming his hands on the table for emphasis.
"Uncle, please!" Jackie cried. He grabbed Uncle by the back of his vest and forced him back into his seat. "Just eat your food."
"Or shall I alert the chef to bring out some tin cans?" Tohru's mom sneered.
"This coming from woman who dines on blood of innocent?" Uncle retorted.
"Garbage merchant!"
"Shrieking harpy!"
"Mother! Sensei!" Tohru said, pressing them both back as far as his arms could stretch. "Please, we are guests. Both of you should respect that."
"Do not tell your mother what to do!" Ms. Takagi said with a sneer, but she quieted down and began picking at her vegetables. "Still, it is so good to see you home again," she said, in a much sweeter tone. "And to see my baby on one of my favorite holidays, too. But more importantly, I would like to introduce you to Daisuke."
"Daisuke?" asked Tohru, turning to the older man.
"Yes?" the elderly man said, still smiling kindly as he picked at his vegetables.
"No, I mean…" Tohru paused for a moment, flustered. "Well, who are you?"
"His family runs a very respectable fishing business," Tohru's mother told him as Daisuke ate. "They own a lovely place by the shore, Tohru. Perhaps you can visit it sometime?"
"Uh, yes, perhaps…" Tohru mumbled. He pushed the food around his plate without picking it up. Jade stared at the act, stunned. She'd never seen the big guy without an appetite.
Soon enough the servants cleared the plates away and brought in another course: an assortment of fresh sashimi. Elegant slices of raw fish were presented to each of the diners laid out on top of a bed of shredded daikon, shiso leaves, wasabi and slices of pickled ginger.
"I hope you enjoy it," Daisuke told the guests. "I hand-picked the finest and freshest of our catch for Shizu."
Tohru's mother let out a high-pitched giggle that sent a chill down Uncle's spine. "Oh, Daisuke, that's so sweet of you."
Uncle and Jade eagerly wolfed down their food, and Tohru's mother was almost as quick. Daisuke and Jackie politely took their time, but Tohru left his food completely untouched.
"Please, eat up, Tohru," Daisuke urged. "Try the yellowtail. It was just caught two hours ago."
Tohru shook his head. "Thank you, no," he said, his tone stiff.
"Tohru, show some manners!" Ms. Takagi ordered, before returning to her sweet tone. "Daisuke promised it's some of the finest. Besides, I'm sure you need your strength."
"I am plenty strong," Tohru told her. "But Daisuke, you never answered my question. Who exactly are you? Or more importantly, why exactly are you here? Are you one of Mother's business acquaintances? She doesn't usually host them on holidays."
"Well, Tohru," his mother huffed, "seeing as I expected to be all alone on what should be a night for family, I-"
"Shizu, please," Daisuke interrupted, waving a hand. "I thought you had told him already."
Tohru's mother looked slightly flustered - a rare sight indeed. "Daisuke-"
Daisuke turned to Tohru, still smiling, though perhaps a bit less happily. "Tohru, your mother and I have been seeing each other for some time now. I am...well, to put it simply...I am her... boyfriend."
There was an awkward silence as a set of chopsticks fell onto the floor, before the entire room shouted at once. "WHAT?!"
"Um...congratulations!" said Jade, trying to ease the tension in the dining room the minute she saw one of Tohru's eyes twitch. "So, uh,...how exactly did you two meet?"
"It's a funny story," Ms. Takagi replied with a smile. "We actually met during a class on how to restore pottery using kintsugi."
"...Okay, I guess I'll be the one to ask. What's kin...that thing you just said?" Jade asked.
"It is a Japanese art form, using old and broken things to create something new," Daisuke explained. "For pottery, that means taking the pieces and filling the cracks with lacquer and powdered gold or silver. The idea is that the damage is part of an object's beauty, giving it character."
"Daisuke and I have created many pieces together," Ms. Takagi sighed. "In fact, all of the plates we are eating on tonight were made in our own studio."
"Really?" asked Jade, looking down at her plate and noticing the faint gold lines. "Seems like a lot of work. How long have you two been dating, exactly?"
"Jade, that's not important," Jackie whispered into her ear, sweating slightly. "Please, remember your manners."
"Harpy somehow obtained boyfriend through love charm!" Uncle exclaimed. "No way someone like her can reel in a good catch!"
Tohru's mother turned up her nose at Uncle. "And what does it say about you that you're still single?" she sneered. "That you're lousy wizard on top of lousy dinner date?"
Uncle huffed at this, for once at a loss for words, as Tohru continued to glower at his mother and her boyfriend. "And...how long have you been seeing each other?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
Daisuke alone seemed immune to the tension in the room. He smiled back and replied, "Oh, about three months now."
"And you didn't tell me?!" Tohru snapped, turning back to his mother. "I thought we told each other everything now!"
"Maybe if you visited once in a while, you'd have met him sooner!" Ms. Takagi shot back. "And maybe didn't drag the junk seller and his family, while you're at it!"
"We spoke on the phone less than a week ago! Why couldn't you bring it up then? Or on any other call?!" the sumo yelled, rising to his feet.
"Tohru, please!" Jackie begged. He jumped to his feet, trying to force the giant back to the floor, but Tohru didn't budge.
"Come on, Big T," Jade muttered, joining her uncle by grabbing Tohru's pant leg. "Just eat!"
"Tohru, I will not be spoken to like that by my own son!" Ms. Takagi raged. "If you cannot be civil, then you can go right to your room!"
"I am not a child anymore, Mother," Tohru growled coldly, like a Siberian tiger stalking an unsuspecting hiker. "But I can see that I am clearly not wanted here tonight. We will be out of your way shortly." He then gave one more glance at Daisuke. "Oh, and Happy New Year." Shaking off Jackie and Jade, he grabbed his bag and stormed out of the room.
"Tohru, wait!" Jackie called out, reaching to grab his shoulder, but the giant pushed him away. Jackie had to backflip over the table to avoid striking it, and ended up crashing into an ornamental vase, which he caught just before it hit the floor.
"Be careful!" Tohru's mother snapped, eager to vent any anger she had. Unnoticed, Jade slipped out.
"Do not yell at Uncle's nephew!" Uncle snapped, leaning in closer to Ms. Takagi. She leered right back at him, their noses almost touching. "By the way, you should take lawnmower to that mole."
"I'm sorry, what did you say? I was distracted by all the bats in that cave!" Ms. Takagi replied, pointing at Uncle's nostrils.
"I imagined this dinner going so much better..." Daisuke sighed, anxiously sipping his tea.
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"Come on, T, wait up!"
Jade hopped her way through Tohru's tracks, the only shallow parts of the deep layer of snow covering the grounds. Her enormous friend was easy to track, but sometimes hard to follow as he stomped away from the house. He hadn't uttered a word yet, but Jade wouldn't be displaced. After all, when had she ever simply stayed away when someone didn't want her around? "Will you at least tell me what's going on?" she called out, trying to catch her breath. She leaned against a bare cherry tree as Tohru continued on.
Tohru paid her no attention as he continued walking. He made his way to a sturdy but very old-looking structure, like a large shed or a small guest house. The blue paint was peeling everywhere, and one of the windows was broken. Tohru flung the door open, stomped in, and slammed it shut, nearly breaking one of the hinges. Jade stared for a second, then followed him in.
Inside, Jade found a rather desolate looking space, with tattered sandbags and dusty trophies lining the walls. The floor was hard stone, but there was a large circle of packed-down dirt in the middle, slightly elevated from the rest of the floor. Tohru was standing near the back of the room, staring at a particularly massive trophy covered in cobwebs. As Jade stepped further in, she noticed a few pictures up near the back, most of them showing an enormous, distinctive-looking man with a serious expression on his face. He had Tohru's thin eyebrows and strong jaw as well as, from what she could see, an even larger build than her friend, with a proud grin plastered on his face and big, kind eyes.
"What is this place, T?" Jade asked, her voice hushed.
Tohru sighed and shook his head. "My father's old training stable," he told her, without turning around. "I should have known that Mother would have let it go to pieces - not that it looked much better when it was new."
Jade's frown spread. "You never talked about your dad," she said. In all her time that they've been together not once had the subject of a father come up.
"It is a sore subject," Tohru replied. "I prefer not to."
The two of them were silent for a moment, just looking at the trophies and photos covered in dust. In most of them, Tohru's father was wearing nothing but a mawashi, the traditional sumo loincloth, but there were some of him dressed in more everyday attire and even one of him in a suit. A few of them had him beside a young Tohru, proudly watching as the young, but in no way little, boy practiced in the stable.
"Where is he now?" Jade finally asked.
Tohru snorted, then shrugged. "Hokkaido, maybe?" he suggested. "I do not know for sure. I have not heard from him in years. He refuses to join another stable, so he is not allowed to wrestle professionally anymore."
"Looks like a nice guy," Jade commented, still staring at the photos. Her eyes landed on one of that hung next to the door. It was a family picture from when Tohru was just a baby. Tohru's father towered over his tiny wife, easily three times her height and likely ten times her weight. His wife was holding a baby Tohru in her arms, both of them staring down lovingly. "How'd he end up with a grouch like your mom?"
Tohru shrugged again. "One of the great mysteries of life," he said. "But it did not last forever. I have many happy memories with my father during my childhood, but he was often away for tournaments. I think he was mostly avoiding my mother. Then, when I was eight, they had a big fight and got divorced. Mother did not let me spend much time with him after that," he said sadly, closing his eyes and sitting on the ground in seiza.
Quietly, he continued, "In spite of how it happened, I still empathized with my mother. I spent my childhood trying to live up to her expectations, trying to be everything she needed, but was met with nothing but criticism. I love my mother, but I often think that if not for her, I would never have worked for the Dark Hand."
Jade moved over and stretched up to pat her friend on the middle of his bicep. Even when he was sitting, it was the highest place she could reach. "Not much I can say to that, Big T, but at least everything worked out in the end, didn't it? I mean, you got friends, a good job, and you helped save the world, like, three times now? And you and your mom are getting along a lot better, right?"
And as if to prove Jade wrong, the door was immediately thrown open so hard it crashed into the wall.
"TOHRU!" Ms. Takagi screamed, stomping her way in. It was amazing how much a tiny elderly Japanese woman could look so much like a rabid badger. Tohru hung his head down a little, and she shoved a finger right up against his nose. "What is the meaning of your behavior?! Daisuke got us the very best fish for that meal!"
"I hate fish!" Tohru seethed. "And you should know that by now! Were you trying to make me feel unwelcome?"
"I will not rewrite an entire menu for an unexpected guest! If you do not like the fish, do not eat it! But I will not have you acting like a child! You ruined a perfectly nice dinner with your rudeness!"
"I ruined it?!" Tohru demanded, glaring right back at her. "You forced that awkward situation! You invited that man into our home!"
"What do you mean, 'our' home?!" his mother shouted, shoving Jade to the side to climb onto Tohru's legs, balancing on one of his massive knees. "You haven't so much as visited in years! Make your poor old mother travel halfway around the world just to see her son, make her stay in a hotel instead of offering her a room! I did best on short notice, but you called half an hour before you arrived!"
"Okay, let's all try to calm down," Jade said, but Ms. Takagi just pushed her away again and pushed herself right up in her son's face.
"Do not try to guilt me, Mother!" Tohru snarled. "You and Daisuke have been together for three months, and you never once mentioned him to me! We talk on the phone every week, and this slipped your mind?!" he snapped, rising from his seat. As his leg position changed, Ms. Takagi deftly leapt onto his shoulder, glaring at him all the while
"Oh, I knew you would behave like this!" Ms. Takagi scoffed. "You've always craved attention! Every time I had a date, you suddenly got sick, or had a bad day, or some other thing that made me drop everything in my own life to obsess over you! Now I'm old and alone, and there is a man that wants to spend the rest of his life with me! I will not apologize for that!" she continued, jabbing her finger into his cheek.
"I had a weak constitution! Besides, you would not have spent all those years alone if you had not driven Father away with all of your demands and criticism! Always shrieking at us, always demanding perfection in everything! It is absolutely no wonder he left you!" Tohru shouted.
Tohru's mother glared back at him. When she finally spoke, it was in a terrifying whisper. "I will give you just five seconds to take that back, Tohru," she said, baring her teeth.
"NO!" Tohru roared. "I am done apologizing! For all that I have grown and all that we have been through together, it is painfully clear that you have no respect either for me or Father! Goodbye!"
With that, Tohru rose to his feet, throwing his mother into the wall behind him. As she struck, the family photo's nail broke free of the dilapidated wall. The framed picture dropped, landing directly onto Ms. Takagi's foot before the glass shattered. She cried out in pain, but Tohru ignored her. He stomped over and grabbed Jade by the hoodie with one basketball-sized hand, and his bag with the other. He moved with such haste that he didn't notice when the hammer, already sticking out of the half-zipped bag, tumbled to the floor. He stormed out, slamming the door behind him with as much force as he could muster. Tohru's mother, clutching her foot, stared in disbelief as her son lumbered away, never looking back.
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"T," Jade pleaded, "I really think you should go back and-"
"No," the giant replied as he trudged through the snow. Jade was still hanging by her hoodie from Tohru's meaty hand, struggling to get down. It had been a long time since Tohru had seemed frightening to her, but that feeling was coming back. Tohru's eyes had lost their warmth. Now they were just bloodshot beads, barely containing tears. He pushed his way into the house, back to the dining room. Jackie, Uncle, and Daisuke were still at the table, quietly slurping down soba noodles and occasionally dipping them into a bowl of brown sauce.
"What is going on, Tohru?" Uncle demanded when his former apprentice stormed in. "Uncle could hear screaming all the way from here!"
"It's kinda complicated, Uncle," Jade said. "You see-"
"Get your things," Tohru ordered in a quiet rage. "We are leaving immediately."
"Tohru, please, if you would just stay and talk-" Daisuke pleaded, his arms wide and welcoming.
"I said. We. Are. Leaving." Tohru snarled. Daisuke sat back on his mat, silent.
Jackie and Uncle didn't question it, grabbing their bags and Jade's and making their way down the hall without a word.
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Back in the training shed, Tohru's mother forced herself onto her feet, pain racing through her toes. "Ungrateful child," she muttered to herself, picking up the family photo that had crippled her. She looked around for the nail as well, finally discovering it by the door. "All the things I did for him, all the sacrifices I made, and he can't be happy for me?!" she snarled, before glaring at the photo in her hands. "And how am I going to hang this…?"
Her eyes fell on the large blacksmith's hammer on the floor. She didn't recognize it, but it sure seemed perfect for the job and it was quite convenient all the same. Setting down the photo, she hefted the heavy tool over her head and aimed carefully, positioning the nail with her other hand. With a grunt, she gave the nail one hard strike. A sound like a gong rang out, and a wave of intense heat rushed over her.
"Heartache?" a wheezing voice asked, ringing through her head. "Family issues? Insults to your very honor? Pains I know all too well. What say you and I resolve these issues together?"
Ms. Takagi blinked in confusion, but her expression soon settled into a glare. "Whatever it takes to have my perfect family," she said, before being consumed in a geyser of lava.
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Vanessa let out a sigh of relief as the hot water warmed her to her core. After Eris had caught their errant snowball with her chariot, she'd transported them to a nearby hot spring. The place had been loaded with tourists, but a plague of fire ants had cleared them right out, and Eris had quickly dumped her henchmen into the spring, clothes and all, before joining them. For the first time on the mission, Vanessa had allowed herself to relax. Zhixin and Eris seemed to have similar ideas, but Kasahara had resisted, scrambling out of the water as soon as he thawed and only standing beside the spring.
"Oh, get in, already, Kasahara!" Eris called. "Enjoy this break before we retrieve that essence!"
"I do not like to get wet," Kasahara muttered, shaking himself off. "Besides, we have no idea where to find it! Even if Chan-Jackie-Chan has not yet left, Kyoto is a big place! How can we hope to find one hammer within!"
"Keep it down!" Zhixin hissed, using all four of his arms to splash water in his face. "You know that any source of heat may allow Hestia to overhear!"
Eris laughed at this. "Only the manmade sort," she chuckled. "Hot springs are a natural occurrence, and not under Hestia's jurisdiction. Which brings me to Kasahara's point. Since they are caused by volcanoes, hot springs are in the domain of Hephaestus. Hopefully I can use it as a conduit to locate his essence while it's still nearby. So keep it down, take your bath, and let mama work!"
The henchmen closed their mouths, casting gazes toward each other. Kasahara mouthed "mama?" to the others, and they shrugged.
Eris sat and swirled the water with her fingers, humming an atonal melody as a small whirlpool formed in the center of the bath. In moments, her tangled hair stood straight up like she had been shocked. "Got it! And it just chose a host! Towel off, it's time to go!"
"Ugh, and I just got comfortable," Vanessa complained, pushing herself out of the pool.
"So did the power of Hephaestus!" Eris screeched. "Now get moving!"
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"Tohru, please reconsider," Daisuke begged as the group stepped outside. "It's freezing out there, and you have not even tasted the main course! Your mother prepared the toshikoshi soba herself!"
"I have no interest in staying in a place where I am not respected," Tohru growled. "My mother has made that perfectly clear." He turned to leave, his bag smacking into Jackie's chest as he did.
"Oof!" Jackie grunted, wincing from the force of the blow. However, a few seconds later, his eyes widened. "Uh...Tohru?" he asked, hesitantly.
"I am sorry, Jackie, but I doubt my mother will allow you to stay after I le-"
"Where is the hammer?" Jackie interrupted, stopping Tohru mid-sentence.
"Uh, what are you talking about?" Jade asked, frowning. "It's right here...isn't it?"
"I didn't feel it through the bag," Jackie said urgently, taking the bag from Tohru and opening it. "Something that heavy, I should have felt something when it hit."
"But if hammer is not here, then where? Only other place Tohru went is…" Uncle said, trailing off at Tohru and Jade's horrified looks before he placed his hands on his face and yelled, "AI-YAH!"
As if to punctuate their realization, a large gout of lava erupted in front of them, forcing everyone back into the house. As the group watched in horror, a metal-clad foot stepped from the geyser of molten rock, followed shortly by another.
"Uncle knew coming here was a bad idea!" Uncle screeched. "Does no one listen to Uncle?!"
"Shizu?" Daisuke asked hesitantly, staring at the figure before them. Indeed, in basic appearance, it was still Tohru's mother, though her skin had grown rough and craggy, with lava-filled veins breaking the surface. Instead of her usual respectable clothes, she was wearing a suit of samurai armor coated in a layer of shiny obsidian. Her foot had swollen, and her entire leg was now held in a metal brace. Most bizarrely of all, though, her very noticeable mole had grown a massive number of dark, wiry hairs that wrapped around her chin like a beard. Occasionally the hairs ignited, smoking for a moment before fizzling out. Clutched in her right hand was the hammer that had once contained the power of Hephaestus, now rusted and flaking.
"Mama's not happy," she said, her voice smoke-roughened and deep. Bending down slightly, she lifted up two handfuls of lava and dumped them over her head, where they solidified into a helmet decorated with crane motifs. With the snarling mouth guard in place, all that could be seen were the bizarre beard and the glaring, bright red eyes. "And when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"
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Karcharias, the Guard of Amphitrite
When Poseidon married the Nereid Amphitrite, he gifted her with a crown of unrivaled beauty, sculpted from pearl, abalone, and sea glass. Amphitrite treasured this gift, and proudly wore it, but whenever she slept, she feared it would be stolen. "A gift of such beauty will always be a target," she told her husband.
Poseidon laughed at this. "You and your crown are safe within my palace walls," he told her, but she was not reassured. She had seen the jealous looks in the faces of her sisters, the other forty-nine Nereids, and in so many other nymphs. More than once she had sensed it nearly snatched off her head from behind, though she never saw the culprit.
Amphitrite continued to beg, and finally Poseidon relented. He created for her a guard, a large fish shaped like a sword, able to slice through the water at high speeds. Her mouth was filled with rows and rows of sharp teeth, and her rough skin was lined with tiny teeth as well. He named the fish Karkaria, or "shark", and set her to guard Amphitrite's window at night. "You have one job," he told her. "Guard my wife and her crown as we sleep. Do not let yourself fall asleep during your watch."
Karkaria was vigilant and vicious, scaring away any and all creatures that came near. For many nights, she maintained her patrol, keeping Amphitrite and her crown safe. Amphitrite began to relax, and continued to flaunt her fine crown, making her many sisters boil with jealousy, until finally one sister, Eudora, could take no more. She sent a crab to watch Karkaria each night, to see if she ever slept, but the shark was ever-vigilant. Finally, Eudora decided to take matters into her own hands.
One evening, as Amphitrite was saying good-night to Karkaria before her shift, Eudora and a group of her sisters approached the two. "Hello, Karkaria, Amphitrite," she greeted kindly. "Would you like a good-night snack?" She held up a basket of grouper fish, stuffed with bread and herbs. She handed them out to her sisters, and to Karkaria, and all of them began to eat. The fish had an unusual but pleasant earthy, woody taste, and the Nereids (save for Eudora) finished them in no time. Karkaria, with her great appetite, ate more than half the basket. Afterward, the Nereids retired to their homes to sleep.
That night, Karkaria was not so alert. How could she have known that the earthy, woody flavor of the fish came from valerian root, which induces sleep? Karkaria drifted off as the gentle current rocked her.
When the great fish was asleep, Eudora snuck inside of her sister's window and stole the beautiful crown, but as she did, she cut a finger on the sharp sea glass. A drop of blood oozed from the wound. For just a moment, Karkaria stirred as she smelled the blood, but quickly fell back asleep. Eudora took the crown far, far away, and threw it into the deepest ocean trench. Satisfied that her sister would never again brag of her beautiful crown, Eudora returned to her bed.
To say that Amphitrite was distraught would not do her justice. She screeched and wailed for days, and without her to calm her husband wild storms engulfed the sea. Sailors could not travel, and entire coastal kingdoms were nearly destroyed. Finally, Poseidon's anger was focused enough to confront Karkaria, and when he learned that she had fallen asleep at her post, his anger was unmatched. "You will retrieve my wife's crown!" he roared. "And you will not rest until you do!"
To this day, Karkaria and her descendants search the seas for the missing crown. Their only clue was the scent of blood as Karkaria briefly awakened, and now they can smell a single drop of blood from a great distance. They never stop swimming and are ever alert, determined to find the lost crown. Then, and only then, will Poseidon let them sleep.
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MP: Green Phantom Queen loved contributing to this chapter. She has a thing for Japanese culture.
PA2: I can totally relate. I'm also thinking we maybe should have saved the Onion myth for this chapter, but ah well.
MP: We didn't know which chapters would need a little padding until we wrote them. Now, if you enjoyed this chapter, please show it! We accept thanks in the form of faves, follows, and reviews. REVIEWS!
PA2: You used that gag already.
MP: It's a brick joke!
PA2: But seriously, please let us know what you thought of the chapter; it can only help us improve! And now, MP, hit us with the preview for next time!
MP: A diabolical plan is set in motion as both sides race to retrieve the power of Hephaestus. The clock is ticking-or is it a time bomb? See for yourselves next time in "New Year, Old God".
PA2: Look forward to it! That's an order!