Yorkshire, England – Reality

Adjusting his tie again, John frowned at Gwen's snort. "It's new."

"I can tell. You're wearing it like you're afraid to give it any creases." Gwen dropped her bag and stepped forward to fix John's tie. "But you look good."

"Thank you." John let out a breath. "That means a lot."

"You smell nice too." Gwen took a deep breath. "What scent is that?"

"Bath & Body Works Graphite… from the men's line."

"Hm." Gwen nodded in approval. "I'll have to get some of that for Jai."

"I agree." John and Gwen both turned as Anna came down the stairs. His jaw dropped at the sight of Anna in the backless black dress that brushed the floor. "It's a good smell and I wish I had some for myself."

"I…" John forced himself to swallow as Gwen's hand on his chin pushed up just enough to get his jaw working again. "I could get you some."

"I like it better on you." Anna stopped at the bottom of the stairs and held her cane in both hands.

"There might be time to get it on you later." Gwen muttered but dodged the jut of John's elbow. "Anyway, is Bernie upstairs?"

"He's a little miffed he's not coming but he'll probably come and keep Carl company once he's done pouting." Anna smiled and took a deep breath. "Are we off then?"

"Yes." John hurried to find Anna's coat and help her into it before putting one of her hands on his arm. "Anything else you need?"

"If Gwen will get my purse then-" Anna took it as Gwen looped the strap over her arm. "I guess I'm all set."

"Then so am I." John nodded at Gwen, "Hold down the fort for us?"

"It's my shift anyway." Gwen waved him off, "Get going so you don't miss your reservation and spoil your new suit."

"New suit?" Anna smiled and John almost shivered at the stroke of her fingers over his arm. "Product of an afternoon with the Missuses Crawley?"

"They were… More difficult taskmasters than I expected." John shuddered and carefully managed the two of them over the threshold and out onto the gravel. "It was like being back in the army."

"Poor you." Anna pushed out her lower lip in a pout and waited for John's help to get into the passenger seat of the car. "Must've been awful."

"Worth every moment."

"To waste a new suit on someone who can't see?"

"To try and match it to the gorgeous dress you're wearing." John shut the door and rounded the car to take the driver's seat. "It's rather stunning."

"I should hope so." Anna's hand smoothed the fabric over her thighs. "I haven't worn this in a stretch so I was glad it fit."

"It fit absolutely…" John swallowed. "It looks amazing on you."

Anna smiled, her fingers flexing on her cane. "I heard you change your mind there."

"I can't hide anything from you, can I?"

"You can hide a great many things from me."

"Really?"

"Of course." Anna held up her hand, ticking her fingers as she spoke. "Hand magic, anything you move without telling me, stains on your clothing, if you repainted the walls…"

"Wouldn't you smell that?"

"But I wouldn't know what color you chose." Anna paused, "I do miss seeing the details in colors."

"I thought you could see color."

"I can, by memory. But memory relies on repetition and since I've not had the repeat of color exposure my memory of them will fade in time. All of it fades with time." Anna shrugged, "The small things you lose when you are no longer like you were."

John kept quiet a moment, his thumb rubbing over his steering wheel before he spoke again. "That's the human condition."

"Yes it is."

"And, in the hopes that I can rescue the conversation I feel I might've set up for failure from the get-go, you can now hear when I change my mind in the middle of a statement so that's something."

"I have learned to hear facial ticks and nonverbal cues, that's true." Anna sighed, "But I'm no Daredevil so I think I got a little robbed."

"You wanted echolocation?"

"I wouldn't mind fighting criminals on the streets of Hell's Kitchen."

"Do you even know where Hell's Kitchen is?"

"Some neighborhood in New York City if I understand the context well enough."

John made a face and turned the car on the road and sped up to match the motorway speed. "That's all I understand of it. And I've been to New York."

"You have?"

"It was a medical conference I attended." John whistled, "Best bagels I ever had in my life and I learned a new way to eat pizza."

"There's more than one way to eat pizza?"

"According to American tradition, there are no less than five ways to eat pizza depending on which kind of pizza you're eating." John shivered, "The things people create when they stop asking if they should and only ask if they could."

"I didn't know you liked Jurassic Park."

"Who doesn't like Jurassic Park?"

Anna smiled, "True enough."

They exchanged light conversation until John pulled into the carpark for the Jade Swan. As he pulled into the space, John paused and pursed his lips. Another second passed before Anna snorted a laugh.

"What?"

"You're wondering if I've got a placard that allows us to park in the handicap space but you don't want to ask if I have it because that means you think I'll need it but you don't want me to think you believe I'm incapable of doing anything and everything you can do." Anna gave another smile, "Have I hit the nail on the head?"

"You've brought the right hammer for it."

"It's more familiar to me." Anna shifted in her seat to reach into her purse and handed over the placard. "And while I believe that I could walk the length of this carpark as long as you offered me your arm, I will take advantage where I can get it."

"Then I'll take your advantage." John took the placard and slipped it over the rearview mirror and parked defensively in the spot to put Anna's side closer to the front door. "But, I'll have you know, I would offer you my arm anytime to go anywhere."

"I'm flattered." Anna took a breath, "But, until then, perhaps you could take me inside the restaurant?"

"I'm on it." John exited the car, again crossing over to Anna's side and helping her from the car. He took a moment to hold the edge of her dress, to ensure it did not catch in her heels, and used his other hand to leverage Anna to stand. With a flutter, John released his hold on Anna's dress and stopped when he saw Anna's smile. "What?"

"In another circumstance, I might think you were trying to sneak a feel you didn't think I would notice."

"Of all the things I could do that you might not notice," John leaned forward to whisper in Anna's ear, "When I touch you, I'll ensure you notice."

Anna shivered and extended an arm to John while her other hand choked up on her cane. "Now you've made dinner seem like it's not the best option."

"I wouldn't deny you the chance to eat in public." John slipped his arm under Anna's and kept pace with her as the cane swept before Anna to keep her pathway clear. "Especially since you wore that lovely dress."

"I'm sure you're just here so you can show off that immaculate suit I can't appreciate to the degree I'd like to."

"No?"

"No." Anna's hand on John's arm tugged him close enough that she could take a turn to whisper to him, "But I'm looking forward to the opportunity that, perhaps, I might feel it a little better later."

John forced himself to breathe before he responded, "I'd like to give you that chance."

"You'd 'like to'?"

"I'll leave it up to you." John opened the door with his other hand and maneuvered them so Anna could enter the restaurant. "If you don't enjoy dinner then perhaps you wouldn't want to continue this further."

"And what would happen then?"

"Then I'd drive you home and I'd cry to myself on the drive back to mine."

"That's not what I meant, but I appreciate the humor in the image." Anna bit back the rest of her comment as the host came and John gave his name for the reservation. When the host walked away, Anna continued. "I meant, what happens to your position as the nurse in the household?"

"You mean the ethical concerns?"

"Are there any?"

"Uh…" John blew air past his lips for a second. "Technically, maybe. Since I was, technically speaking, hired to care for the Missuses Crawley, then I'm not violating anything that would threaten my ability to continue in that job. But if we still think that Mrs. Crawley hired me to care for her grandmother, her mother-in-law, and you then… technically, I might be putting myself in a position to threaten my professionalism."

"So many 'technicalities' in there." Anna shook her head, "I might drown in the semantics of your statement."

"It's the legal language that gets you."

"It can, yes."

"Then us being here, you smelling like you do and me looking as I remember myself looking, is a threat to professionalism?"

"I think we crossed the line of professionalism the moment I kissed you."

"I think I kissed you first."

"Fair enough." John put his other hand on Anna's, where it rested on his arm, and steered them after the host when she returned and beckoned them to follow. "But since Mrs. Crawley doesn't seem to mind our relationship then she's not worried about it."

"If she worried about it, what would you do?"

"Probably try to renegotiate the contract so I can still be there for the Missuses Crawley, since I rather enjoy them, but no longer be the nurse responsible for you."

"Would that mean you couldn't read aloud to me anymore?" Anna held John's arm tighter as he helped her into her seat and stiffened as he adjusted her seat.

"I'd do that for pleasure." John carefully set Anna's cane near her side, guiding her hand to it and then back to the table to help her gauge the distance. "But right now I get paid to read to you so…"

"Do you enjoy it now?"

"Reading or the book?" John guided Anna's hand to her glass and then over the position of her plate and the utensils before releasing her hands. He watched Anna retrace the path of her meal accouterments before nodding and took his own seat.

"The book."

"It's not my traditional taste."

Anna gave John a sly grin and jumped when the menu bumped her hand. John almost reached forward but Anna turned her head in the direction of the menu and the host who held it. "If you would, please put the menu in my hand. And, when the waiter or waitress comes, could you let them know they'll have to tell me the position of the food?"

"Uh… I can." The host frowned. "But… Can I… Are you…"

"I'm blind." Anna handed the menu back. "So if you've a copy of this in braille that would be helpful."

"I don't think we've got those."

"Then you can take this and my date for the evening will read me the options." Anna released the menu when the host took the other edge of it and turned to John. "Unless you don't want to read aloud in public."

"I don't mind." John nodded at the host, "A white wine to start, if you would."

The host gave another frown before hurrying away. John turned his focus back to Anna and cringed, "I'm sorry. I should've seen that coming."

"It's nothing you wouldn't been prepared for." Anna waved her hand, careful to keep it over her lap so she did not accidently impact anything on the table before her. "But you didn't answer my question."

"I said I'd read the menu."

"I meant about whether you're enjoying reading the book aloud to me." Anna sat with her hands in her lap, her face in John's general direction but her eyes unfocused to the side. "You dodged that one."

"I did." John acknowledged. "And… I'm not sure."

"No?"

"Well, like I said, it's not my traditional taste so I'm not sure what I think of it yet. But the characters are a bit… deeper, than I expected."

"Given the title or the cover art?"

"Both."

"Fair enough." Anna sighed, "I miss cover art. It used to tell you so much and yet so little about books."

"Especially once they started settling on minimalistic art styles or decorative pieces instead of those poorly designed graphic titles."

"Or, gods forbid, the ones that were just screen shots from the movie version." Anna shuddered, "Covers like that made me weep for the poor graphic designers."

"Maybe I should to." John cleared his throat, "Do you want to hear your options for food or should I just surprise you with a menu?"

"I don't trust you enough to feel you wouldn't try and play a joke and make all my food vegan and fat free."

"I'd never do anything that devious." John snickered, "Although I might have them give you something a touch spicy."

"Don't test me. Gwen's boyfriend's Indian and I've tasted his cooking. I'm immune."

"Is that a challenge, Ms. Smith?"

Anna grinned, "Tell me what we could have and find out, Mr. Bates."

"Challenge accepted." John cleared his throat, "For starters, you have…"

Through the menu, and the initial awkwardness of the waiter trying to figure out how to best serve Anna, John and Anna eventually settled into their dinner. John noted the slow but smooth motions Anna used to eat and ensure she managed on her own. Smiling to himself as he watched the coolness of her motions, John put his glass to his lips.

"Do you miss him?"

"Sorry?" Anna frowned, lifting her head in John's direction.

"Do you miss Bernie?" John motioned, snickered to himself at the waste of the maneuver, and took a drink before putting down his glass. "He's always with you and since he's not here I'm wondering if you're feeling a little lonely."

"How can I be lonely when you're here?" Anna pulled a piece of meat off her fork before carefully putting it down next to her plate. "But I do miss him. He's a constant in my life and when he's not here, I feel it."

"That's got to be a nice feeling.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because…" John chewed the inside of his cheek a moment. "I don't think I've ever had anyone so close to me that I would feel lonely if they weren't around."

"Is that lonely for you?"

"I try not to think about it."

"Because it's uncomfortable?"

"Because I don't like remembering that I'm alone."

"I'm sorry."

John sighed, "It's part of the human condition. We've all got a bit of loneliness in us."

"It doesn't make it easier."

"No. But that's the way it is." John chewed for a second, pausing. "But you've told me that being blind makes life a bit lonely for you."

"True enough." Anna smiled at him, "I guess we're not lonely if we're both lonely at the same time, right?"

"I'm not sure it works that way."

"Because suffering from the same thing together isn't the same as being together?"

"Something like that." John put his fork to the side and dabbed at his mouth, "I am curious if you've… If you've thought about not being lonely in your condition."

"How'd you mean?"

"Well," John's fingers stroked along his water glass, "I've heard there are eye specialists, in Amsterdam, doing amazing work with corrective eye surgery. Solving blindness one operation at a time if you can believe it."

"Modern science in a miracle."

"Because it can cure blindness?"

"That too." Anna nodded, "But I use the advances that make us all a bit more equal every day so I can't be anything but a fan of miracles that stem from science."

"Then you've thought about it."

"About what?"

"About getting corrective surgery." John pursed his lips, "To see if they can restore your sight."

"That assumes that the kind of blind I am can be 'cured'… Or if blindness is something that should be cured to begin with."

"So you've thought about it?"

"Of course I have. A lot. Especially in the first year."

"But not anymore?"

"Not often enough to really think about it seriously." Anna shrugged, her hand sliding to the base of her wine glass before holding delicately to the stem. "Some things you realize won't help you."

"Then why did you think about it then?"

"Because it was my grieving period." Anna's hands moved above her head, gesturing at a thought. "When everything felt like the sky was falling in on me I clung to whatever I thought would make life better. I clutched and scrabbled for whatever I could, even if I knew it would be nothing, I wanted it to be something."

Anna sighed, "But mostly I wanted it all to go back to how it was. To go back to how I was. But then, eventually, I realized that would never happen so I needed to be alright with that reality and face it head on."

"What helped you do that?"

Anna sipped her wine and carefully found the edge of the table with her elbow before extending her arm to set the glass back in almost the exact same position where it sat before. "I went all the way to Amsterdam to have them check my eyes."

John swallowed to try and cover a choke. "You… You went already?"

"I did." Anna nodded, "And after two days of exams and a lot of Dutch I barely understood at those speeds, they decided there was nothing they could do."

"What did you do then?"

"I had a very long cry. Then, after staring at what I think was one of the rivers for a very long time, I stood up." Anna smiled, stifled a laugh, and continued. "Then I tripped, reset myself, and decided to move forward into my new life."

"Just like that?"

"No, because that was only the start of it all." Anna shrugged. "I had to make a decision. Either I was going to begrudge my condition and complain about not being my 'best self' or whatever and then wallow in bitterness until I was crotchety and untenable before my time. Or I was going to make a new best self and try to find ways to make a new life from what I had available."

Anna made a see-saw motion with her shoulders. "So that's what I did."

"It's admirable."

"It is. It's a common bravery, about as common as the loneliness we've all got, but it is something."

"The battles we all fight alone and yet at the same time?"

"Something like that, yes." Anna shifted her elbow and slid her fingers over the surface of the table to find her wineglass again. "But I won't be dishonest and say that I'm happier now than I was before or that I think it's the best thing that ever happened to me."

"What would you say?"

"That it's life and we're all living it the best we can."

"I'm not sure I was always living my best life."

"And now?"

John did not answer immediately, mulling over his response a moment. "I'm living it better now. I've got better perspective now."

"Because of what you do?"

"Because of what I lost to realize that I should've appreciated it better before." John shrugged, "I can't place all the blame of the failure of my marriage on my wife. She may've been the one to take the leap but…"

"But no tango is successfully danced alone?"

"Exactly." John paused, his drink almost to his mouth again. "Do you dance?"

"The tango?"

"Or any other dance?"

"When I've the chance." Anna made another see-saw motion with her shoulders. "Not surprisingly, it's easier to dance than do some other activities because, as the woman, you rely on the man's lead. So as long as I've a pair of shoulders to hold then I'm right as rain on a proper dance floor."

"Did you enjoy dancing?"

"When the occasion called for it." John noted the slight fall to Anna's expression. "But it's… It's another thing I've lost in ways I didn't expect."

"How'd you mean?"

"I forget how beautiful it used to look." Anna waved her hand, "The steps are muscle memory and, with practice, I could probably learn new ones but the sights… Those I can't recall as sharply as I used to."

John bit at his lip, "You'd mentioned, once, that you're worried about losing your memories as your ability to replicate them… fades."

"That's a very careful way to put that." Anna found her wineglass again and took another sip. "But you're right, I am."

"What if you didn't have to be?"

Anna paused, frowning, "How'd you mean?"

"I think…" John chewed the inside of his cheek. "I think I might have a two-pronged solution to that particular problem. Or, at least, something to ameliorate the issue."

"Do tell." Anna set her glass back down, "I'm all ears for this plan you've introduced with words fit for upper level standardized testing."

John snorted a laugh, "Very funny."

"I have to be, I've only got so many qualities these days."

"That's not true at all."

"No?"

"No." John shook his head, "And, if we had time, I could start naming your many and varied qualities to prove my point."

"And thereby successfully detracting from the point you were about to make." Anna waved her hand in John's general direction. "Go on. What's this plan you've concocted in two separate prongs?"

"First, smell is closely associated with memory."

"So I've heard." Anna cocked her head to the side, "So too, they say, is music."

"Then we'll combine those two things together." John swallowed, "To help you remember specific people or places we can find ways to help you remember the way they smell and sound. It'll keep, in theory, the connection to those memories strong."

"I like this idea." Anna ran her fingers over the edge of the table before risking putting her arms there to lean forward. "How'd you think of this?"

"I used it with my mother, when your memories and mind were going." John tried to shrug it off but had to force himself to breathe and swallow through the lump that rose in my throat. "It helped her, for a bit, to keep memories. I'd play her music that she listened to as a child and the music she hated that I listened to when I was younger so she'd remember who I was and who she was."

John shifted in his chair, "Whatever helped."

Anna smiled and held out her hand. John found it and allowed Anna's fingers to interlace with his so she could squeeze his hand. "You're a good son John."

"She deserved better."

"I think she's disagree." Anna released John's fingers but then lowered their hands to the table so a slight shift in her wrist would put her hand on top of his in a second. "Are you planning on playing music for me so I can remember?"

"I can, but that's still only part of the first idea."

"Then what's the second?"

"It involves 3-D printing."

"I'm liking the sound of this already." Anna gave a little shiver in her chair. "Color me intrigued by this."

"Then you might like how this goes," John cleared his throat and adjusted in his chair again. "We take old pictures and sort through some of the, shall we say, 'core memories'. Once we've got those we can 3-D print the image."

"And then what?"

"Then you use those the way other people would use a photo album but it's tactile instead of visual." John shrugged again, "It'd give you the chance the remember the image and, hopefully, the memories of the moment and the people in it."

Anna's wrist shifted to put her hand over John's and she gripped him tightly a moment. At the slightly twinge of pain, John looked up to see the tears welling in Anna's eyes before they fell. She wiped at them with her other hand as she spoke in a shaking but quiet voice.

"That is, without doubt, one of the nicest offers anyone's ever made me."

"Well," John turned Anna's hand in his and kissed her knuckles, "I'm more than happy to make it."

"That's what makes you an incredible man John." Anna gave his hand another squeeze. "One of the highest caliber."

"I'm not sure that's true."

"No?"

"How can it be?" John made as if to pass off the comment but Anna's grip on his hand kept him from retreat. "I'm sure there are not only better men in the world but that you go to sleep at night dreaming of the myriad of men better than me."

"That would be impossible."

"And why's that?"

"Because there aren't any." Anna's grip loosened only slightly. "Which is why… I'd like to ask that you take me home."

John's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "I didn't mean to-"

"Not my home, John." Anna's thumb stroked over John's knuckles before she released his hand and sat back. "Yours."

"Mine?"

"Yes, yours."

"And why," John forced himself to swallow and breathe, barely daring to hope at the unspoken invitation but needing it said aloud. "Would you want to see my home?"

Anna smiled, "Because how else would you give me a fourth promised kiss and then allow me to have my way with you?"

"We could…" John coughed, "My home's not really safe for you."

"Then you'll need to be by my side the entire time." Anna ran her tongue over her teeth. "If you're willing."

"More than." The words slipped from John so quickly he was almost embarrassed by their speed but Anna only smiled wider.

"Then you'll need to get the check, won't you?"

John got the waiter's attention and tried to stop himself looking at the smile on Anna's face as she busied herself arranging her silverware, despite her not needing to do anything of the sort. But he signed his name on the end of the receipt and almost stole the pen before the waiter coughed to catch his attention. For a moment John worried that the waiter knew exactly why Anna had a grin plastered over her face and why John seemed so distracted he almost tripped himself out of his chair. But, as John righted himself and caught Anna's barely hidden laugh, he realized how little he cared about the waiter's opinion. All that mattered was Anna's hand in his as he led her out to the carpark.

Her fingers tugged his hand and John stopped. For a second he hurried to right her cane or to ensure she had not tripped over an unexpected crack but Anna's fingers firmed on his hand to keep him in place and stop him moving. John went to speak but Anna's hand landed on his shoulder and then smoothed to find his mouth so she could cover his lips with her fingers.

"I think you're nervous." Anna's fingers brushed toward John's cheek and then firmed there when she found his jaw. "And you don't have to be."

"Any man trying to impress a woman is supposed to be nervous."

"You already impressed me."

"Then I let me amend my statement," John swallowed, "I'm nervous because there's so much I… I don't want to disappoint you."

"You think that's possible?"

"I think it's always possible."

"Then you should think about it this way," Anna's fingers ran down over John's jaw, following the line of it to his collar so she could trace there. "I want this and I want this with you. I have no expectations beyond that."

"None?"

"Absolutely none." Anna smiled at him, "But if you've expectations then maybe-"

"None." John caught himself, clearing his throat to try and speak more clearly so he did not continue to trip over himself in his hurry. "I don't have any expectations."

"Then maybe you should be less nervous." Anna's hand patted on his chest before pulling back to hold her cane with one hand and his arm with the other. "And drive us to yours so we can see where this goes."

"Your carriage awaits."

"Then lead on."

John put his other hand over Anna's, where it rested on his arm, and helped her into his car. When the door shut he forced himself to breathe a moment before going to his side of the car. As he took his seat, Anna's hand landed on his thigh and she squeezed there a moment. He shifted in place but she kept her hand there.

"Are you…" John forced himself to swallow, "Are you going to keep your hand there for the entire ride?"

"Do you mind?"

John forced himself to breathe again, "No."

"Then I want to keep my hand here." Anna's fingers traced along his leg as she adjusted her cane with her other hand. "It does help me feel more of you."

"I'm here to serve."

"I'm looking forward to exactly how."

John almost drove them through a red light.