PA2: Ho there!
MP: I LEFT THAT LIFE BEHIND! Oh, wait. Uh...hi! Welcome back to Olympian Journey, chapter fifteen!
PA2: And boy, this is going to be a fun one! When we last left our heroes, they were scattered across the length and breadth of San Francisco...okay, well most of them were back at Section 13, but they were getting ready to move out and start sewer diving for the pearl containing Aphrodite's essence! All the while unaware that it had already fallen into the hands of another…
MP: In addition, Eris has unlocked the power of Phobos, God of Fear, and used it to great effect, showing Jackie and Tohru their most feared enemies, and Uncle something (probably) equally traumatic! In addition, she seems to have plans to hunt something beyond the divine essence!
PA2: So, what is Eris's plan? What will happen to Jade as she tries to have a normal day at school for once? What did Uncle see in his Phobos-induced hallucination? And what is one of the most popular locations for luxury food items on the west coast? Three of those questions will be answered this chapter!
MP: Why wait any longer! Let's get started!
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Jackie Chan Adventures: Olympian Journey
Chapter 15: Friday the 14th
Jade let out a gasp as she skidded into school, twirling a little on her sock before crashing into a trophy case. The contents shook, but didn't fall. Good. She didn't need to add vandalism to her record today. She fast-walked in awkward, uneven steps down the hall and burst into her homeroom, sliding into her usual seat while the teacher's back was turned.
However, just as she settled down, Ms. DeSantos turned and gave her a pointed look. "Ms. Chan, please stop by my desk before class ends to pick up your tardy slip. And be grateful I'm not giving you a detention," she said calmly, before turning back and resuming organizing papers. Slumping in her seat, Jade sighed.
"It was a nice try," the boy next to her whispered, pushing the limp brown hair out of his dark eyes. "One of your best yet."
"Thanks, Jimmy," Jade said, giving him a fist bump.
"More magic stuff?" Jimmy asked with a smirk. Jade smiled back. Ever since his trip to the future, the boy loved hearing about her adventures. I guess running into your evil Chi wizard future self gives you an appreciation for this sorta thing, she thought. They were two of a kind, the school weirdos-her with her wild stories that she couldn't resist telling, and him with his odd interests like bug collecting and researching the occult.
"Absolutely. I'll tell you everything later," she replied.
"Cool, cool," Jimmy replied absently, rubbing the back of his neck. His face flushed a little. "So, uh, tonight's the dance, and I was sorta wondering if, ya know, if you're not busy-"
"No talking, Ms. Chan, Mr. Nowicki," Ms. DeSantos called out. "Don't make me change my mind about that detention. And why in the world are you wearing only one shoe?"
Jade let out another heavy sigh. What she wouldn't give to trade places with Jackie right now.
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"Ugh!" Jackie exclaimed as he stepped off the ladder into the thick black swamp beneath. Even through his thick boots and oversized raincoat, he could feel the smell of raw sewage seeping into his pores. "Jade is so lucky to be missing this!"
"Quit complaining!" Uncle snapped from beneath. "Must find pearl before Agents of Chaos!"
Jackie frowned and held his high-powered flashlight forward, sending a swarm of rats scattering in all directions. He jumped as they scurried over his boots, but Uncle showed no fear, actually kicking one aside. They stepped forward in unison, their boots making disgusting squishing noises as they began to see small glints of light in the mess. Eternally grateful for his rubber gloves, Jackie grabbed at a few of the sparkling objects. "Let's see," he said with a sigh. "Two nickels, a bottle cap, and a paper clip. This is going to take all day, isn't it?"
"Chi-o-matic shall guide us," Uncle promised, holding up the aforementioned tool. It was lighting up just a little, the dial lazily swinging back and forth. "Now hurry! We have much ground to cover!"
"Alright, alright," Jackie groaned, reaching in to grab another handful of sparks. Behind him, Uncle slung the Chi-o-matic over his shoulder and dug his arms elbow-deep into the muck, prompting a double-take from Jackie. "Uncle? What are you doing?"
"Uncle told you! We must find pearl quickly! No time to waste!" the old wizard replied, pulling his hands free to reveal three beautiful, but utterly mundane, pearls. He stuffed them into a ziploc bag and continued the search.
"You're helping?" Jackie said, eyebrow raised. Usually his uncle just made him do all the labor. He braced himself for the inevitable two-fingered strike, but it never came.
"You're lucky Uncle is too busy with search to hit you! Now stop talking and keep looking!" Uncle snapped as he pulled out another pearl. "One more thing! Be on lookout for enemies! Sewers not spacious enough for a fight!"
There was a sudden noise behind them, and Uncle immediately whipped out a petrified newt and fired a blast of chi at the source. A frightened rat ran out of sight, its fur badly singed, and Uncle let out a sigh. "Safe for now," he assured, before turning back to work. His knees let out an audible crack as he bent down, but the old man didn't complain. He continued to dig through the foul-smelling muck without a word.
Jackie gave his uncle a side-eye, but continued working, heading downstream. Since when did Uncle do the dirty work without complaint?
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"Much of today's chocolate-making technique is the same as the Mayans': a process of harvesting the beans, fermenting and drying them, then roasting them and removing their shells, and finally grinding them into paste. Priests and kings had unlimited access to the treat, but even commoners had their chance on special occasions. Rituals were often held offering up chocolate to the gods in place of human blood-in fact, the scientific name for chocolate, theobroma cacao, even translates to 'food of the gods'."
Gee, I wonder if that'd work on the gods I have to deal with, Jade thought, rolling her eyes slightly. Mr. Grady was decent enough at his job, but he had a tendency to drone, especially when talking about Mesoamerican Culture. Of course, the man was popular for a different reason; he was quite physically attractive. With tan skin, wavy blonde hair, eyes the color of seafoam, and his jacked arms, he looked like the epitome of American surf culture. And judging from the amount of chocolates and cards already crowding his desk, Jade wasn't the only one to notice.
Not really my type, though, Jade continued to herself. Wait...do I have a type? Never really thought about it before…
Before Jade could continue musing, however, she was interrupted by the classroom door opening, prompting an aggrieved look from Mr. Grady. "Nice of you to finally join us, Mr. Curtis," he said, his tone noticeably annoyed. "I don't suppose you have an explanation for arriving to class fifteen minutes late?"
Great, he's finally here, Jade groaned mentally. And I thought I'd finally get a day without him.
Drew Curtis and Jade had been at each other's throats since she arrived in San Francisco and began attending school. It wasn't so much that he didn't believe her stories (even she could admit that they sounded ridiculous to the average person), but the sheer vitriol with which he responded, coupled with a general bullying nature, had made just sitting next to him comparable to rubbing chili peppers in her eyes. At first she'd wanted to convince him; now she mostly just wanted him to go away.
"Sorry, Mr. Grady. My mom had a hard time getting here; traffic, you know? I have a note from the office," came the student's voice. As soon as he started talking, Jade, who had been disinterestedly fiddling with her pencil, immediately perked up. The voice, while slightly familiar with its sharp, nasally quality, had a quality to it that it'd never had before. There was a subtle charm to it, like a shaft of sunlight breaking out of the clouds. Confused, Jade cast her eyes to the front of the class. It was Drew, just like she thought, but it was Drew as she'd never seen him before.
The ugly duckling that had mocked her stories of adventure seemed to have become a swan overnight. She knew he'd gotten taller, obviously, but it looked like he'd finally grown into it, moving with confidence and swagger. His frumpy glasses had been replaced by contact lenses, showing off his deep brown eyes. His skin was smooth and flawless, not a pore or freckle, and he sent a cocky smile to show off his sparkling teeth. His button-up shirt and skinny jeans hugged his body, showing off every toned muscle. He practically danced on air as he made his way up to the teacher, handing him a signed excuse note along with a bag of gourmet chocolates. "And a little gift for you. Try 'em out! I'm sure they'll win you over."
"Thank you, Mr. Curtis, but don't think this excuses you completely," Mr Grady said seriously, placing the bag on the corner of his desk. "Why didn't I receive a notice about this before class started? If you had logged this with the office beforehand, I should have been told."
"Well-" Drew began, only to be interrupted as the classroom door opened once more. In walked a ravishing young lady with a winning smile and an elfish upturned nose, holding an excuse note and a bouquet of pink carnations. She turned on her bright red shoes, briefly lifting her pink skirt, and handed the note and a flower to the teacher.
"Sorry I'm late, Mr. Grady," she said, a sincere look in her big brown eyes. She brushed a strand of shiny dark hair away from her eyes, and let it flow down the length of her back. "I had some decorating work I needed to do for tonight."
"I'm well aware, Ms. Magus," the teacher chuckled. "The Student Council let me know that you would be occupied this morning. Please take your seat."
"Thank you!" the girl said brightly as she walked down the row of desks, pausing to wave at Jade and toss her a carnation as she did. Jade caught it from the air and waved back, tucking the flower behind her ear and smiling at her friend. At first glance, Simone Magus looked like the type of girl who wouldn't give Jade the time of day: pretty, popular, bright, and outgoing, she was part of the IT Crowd, while Jade was decidedly not. But ever since Jade had helped save her from a rampaging troll out for revenge on her bloodline, the two were thick as thieves-or they would be, if Simone weren't so busy with student government and volunteer work.
Shaking her head to clear it, Jade turned back to the front of the class, her warm smile turning into a wicked smirk at the thought of Drew getting chewed out more. What she saw, however, disappointed her.
"And of course I understand, Mr. Curtis. Please, feel free to be as late to my classes as you wish; I understand that you're a very busy man," Mr. Grady said, looking at Drew with warm eyes. In fact, they looked almost dewey. "As long as we get to see you, that's more than good enough."
"Thanks, Mr. Grady. Now go ahead and continue," Drew replied with a grin. "I'll stay after so you can catch me up."
"Absolutely!" the teacher said enthusiastically, launching into another spiel about the origins of chocolate as Drew sauntered to his seat. As he passed Jade, he gave her a haughty look, prompting an annoyed glare. However, as soon as Drew was out of line of sight, Jade turned her attention to the teacher's desk. Sitting at the edge was Drew's bag of chocolates - now opened, and clearly missing at least two pieces.
That's...probably not a coincidence, Jade mentally groaned, her eyes tracking back and forth between the open bag and Mr. Grady, who seemed to be staring excessively at Drew even as he was teaching. Ugh, why does this keep happening at school? It isn't even my fault this time! Big T, you better get here soon!
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"Sir, is there any way we can get there faster?" Tohru asked plaintively, his massive body taking up the entire backseat of the small powder-blue sedan. "Any alternate routes?"
"Pal, I used to be a cab driver before going out on my own," the Uber driver said, his thick black beard twisting as he frowned. "Trust me, there's no other way past this," he continued, gesturing to the multicolored gridlock that was rush hour traffic in San Francisco.
"But sir, it is extremely urgent that I-" Tohru began, only to be interrupted by the sound of furious honking coming from the car behind them.
"Oh, blow it out your-" the driver shouted out the window, his last word cut off by a dozen car horns. He then turned back to Tohru as the car inched forward. "Look guy, your money's good enough that I'm willing to buy your 'picking up the boss's niece' story. It's even good enough that I'll forgive the damage you're doing to my suspension. But you keep flapping your gums, and you'll be lucky I don't drop you off at the station. You get me?"
"...How long ago did you move here from New York?" Tohru asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Look, just shut up and let me get you where you need to be, alright?!" the driver growled as he put his eyes back on the road. Under his breath, he muttered, "How can they always tell?"
Tohru sighed, leaning back slightly into his seat. I will be there as soon as I can, Jade, he thought, ignoring the worrying creaks from the underside of the vehicle. With any luck, this will all be for nothing. He shook his head. When had luck ever been on their side?
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"Jade, if you got Drew possessed by a Greek goddess just to get out of the Valentine's Day dance, I will kill you." Simone snarled, handing Jade a fancily decorated Valentine heart. "Literally, I will kill you, and then have Jimmy reanimate you when he learns how so I can kill you again!"
"Do you seriously think I would do that?" Jade asked as she pinned the heart to the gym's wall. "After the whole thing with the school fair? I actually do learn my lesson sometimes!"
"What about the burping contests? And that field trip to Windsor Mansion?"
"Hence the sometimes. Besides, if I wanted to do something like that, I'd have let myself get possessed," Jade scoffed, prompting a sigh from Simone.
"I know, I know, you're right. Just easier to have someone to blame, I guess," she said, picking up another heart. The two girls were currently up on stepladders hanging up decorations all over the gym. Below them, the rest of their class raced back and forth to the sounds of upbeat funk, all while the gym teacher was typing furiously on his phone.
Yeesh, Jade winced, looking over the scene. Sucks when your boyfriend breaks up with you, but what kind of sadist does a Pacer on Valentine's Day? It was lucky that Simone needed an assistant to get the gym ready for the dance; running laps was exactly the type of activity that made Jade think of mischief.
Looking back at Simone, she said, "Look, I dropped the pearl in the sewer. Maybe I shoulda figured that a guy like Drew hangs out there?"
In spite of herself, Simone giggled. "Cute, but can we save ragging on him for after we take care of the crisis? Have you gotten in touch with your uncle yet?"
"Nope, and not for lack of trying," Jade answered, gesturing to her pocket. A small wet spot had formed there. "My phone shorted out right after first period; I'm lucky it didn't burn a hole through my pants."
Simone cocked an eyebrow. "And you didn't think to ask me for mine when you dragged me out of there?" she asked incredulously.
Jade rolled her eyes. "Tch, who remembers numbers anymore? I've got more important things to devote brainpower to, thanks."
"Seems pretty important right now," Simone sighed with a shake of her head. "So you're saying we've got no backup?"
"Not exactly. Big T should be on his way over right now. Of course, with traffic…" Jade grumbled, trailing off as she angrily pinned a paper Cupid in place.
"That puts his arrival somewhere between an hour to never," Simone finished, groaning. "Okay, complaining time over. What's the plan?"
"I don't see Drew again until lunch. I'll let Jimmy in on everything during fourth period and we ambush Drew in the cafeteria," Jade said decisively. "If we can get him somewhere away from everyone else, we can lock him in a closet or something and wait for Big T."
"Okay, great plan. Problem: how exactly do we lure him? He won't go anywhere with you, and I really don't want to be bait," Simone shuddered. "You saw how creepy Mr. Grady got."
"Thanks for reminding me," Jade muttered. For the entire rest of the first period, Mr. Grady had been fawning over Drew like he was...well, like he was a god. It was one of the most awkward and uncomfortable things she'd ever seen. "Okay, so that part's a work in progress. But we've got two and a quarter periods until lunch; I'm sure we can come up with something."
"Great," Simone agreed. "You do that, and I'll start thinking up excuses if it turns out you were wrong about this whole thing!"
"Come on, when have I ever been wrong about this stuff?" Jade argued. "Besides, how else could he have gotten those fancy-pants chocolates? Magic, baby!"
"Honestly, the candy's the most believable part about this whole thing," Simone corrected. "You know his mom works over at Ghirardelli Square, right?"
"...Um, duh! Of course I knew that!" Jade bluffed, grinning just a bit too widely.
"No you didn't," Simone said bluntly as she reached into her skirt pocket. "Although now that you mention it, these do look really pricey…"
"Wha-Simone! Where did you get that?!" Jade hissed as Simone pulled out a fancily wrapped chocolate.
"Drew snuck it to me before class ended. It had a sappy note and everything," Simone chuckled. "I was gonna see if I could split it with you; it looks too good to eat alone!"
"Try 'too good to eat, period'!" Jade snapped, snatching the candy from Simone's hand. "You saw that Mr. Grady didn't start acting crazy until Drew gave him those chocolates, right?"
"What, so the chocolate has some kinda love spell in it?" Simone asked. "That's...okay, actually that makes perfect sense. But then what am I supposed to do? I have class with him next period!"
"Act really goopy, I guess?" Jade shrugged, shoving the enchanted chocolate into her back pocket. "Jackie said that Aphrodite had a heck of a temper; I don't want you to get hurt if Drew thinks you rejected him."
"And you think Jimmy will be okay until you can get to him? He and Drew have Chemistry together next period.."
"Please never say those words ever again," Jade groaned, shaking her head. "And no danger of that. Jimmy's allergic to chocolate. I once showed him a Twix and he burst out in hives."
"Yeah…" Simone said absently, seeming lost in thought. She then turned to Jade. "Say, once we take care of Drew, I was wondering if you'd-"
Just then, a piercing whistle rang throughout the gym, nearly startling the girls off of their ladders. Looking down, they saw the teacher marching over to break apart two boys who were currently engaged in an all-out brawl.
"Yikes, guess Laura couldn't keep her boyfriends away from each other," Jade mused, before looking back at Simone. "You were saying?"
"...I'll tell you later. We need to focus," Simone said, turning back to her work.
Watching her, Jade felt a pit form in the base of her stomach. Jeez Simone, why don't you tell me you're two days away from retirement while you're at it? This is so not going to go as planned...
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"And if you'll look to your right, you'll see Alcatraz, once America's finest prison," the director's voice sounded over the ship's intercom. Indeed, right out the window was the preserved monument, still a bastion of security. "Like marriage, it used to be a lifetime commitment. Eh, folks?"
"We should've stayed at the base," Captain Black groaned, resting his head on the gently rocking table. The motion was relaxing, but he couldn't stop thinking about the lost pearls, even on what should've been one of the greatest days of his life: a date with a beautiful, immortal goddess. The ship, a pristine white two-decker touted online as one of the most romantic cruises in the area, was the height of luxury for its price-though they never mentioned that the cruise director was a failed comedian.
"Perhaps," Hestia replied with a shrug. "I'm usually quite a homebody myself, but it seemed a shame to waste the discounted tickets. Try to relax, Augustus. We only have a few more hours before we dock. Now come on; you spent so much on these lovely treats, so you should enjoy them!"
"Yeah, you've got a point there," Captain Black chuckled, his lips closing around a juicy chocolate-covered strawberry as he looked into Hestia's eyes. However, rather than fill him with a romantic tingle, their red glow only reminded the captain of a conversation he'd had shortly after the Chans got back from North Carolina-one that had been running through his head for weeks…
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"You said you needed to talk to me, Prometheus?" Captain Black asked, handing a cup of tea to the old Titan. The two were sitting in the captain's apartment, a place with a dusty tidiness, the type where everything has been in place for who knows how long because it's more of a bed than a home. A bass guitar lay abandoned aside an out-of-date TV, both set across from a moth-eaten sofa.
"Yep," Prometheus answered, taking a sip from the chipped coffee mug. "You see, I had a talk with one of your agents yesterday. The pretty one, name starts with a T…?"
"Knock it off," Captain Black said gruffly. "I know you know who you're talking about, so let's get to the point. Tremaine told you about what happened with Hestia?"
"She certainly did. Funny how that detail never made it into your briefing," Prometheus replied, his voice surprisingly cold. "Unless you didn't think it was a problem that she literally took over your friend's body?"
"Of course I think it's a problem!" the captain snapped, slamming down his own mismatched mug. As the hot tea splashed over his wrists, he took a deep breath. "Believe me, I'm exactly as unhappy about it as I should be. But if she hadn't done that, who knows what would've happened with those echoes? At least she copped up and fixed her mistake."
"And I suppose you being sweet on her was just the cherry on top?" Prometheus chuckled, prompting a furious blush from Captain Black. "You know mortals and gods don't usually have a happily ever after."
"Is that why you wanted to come over?" Black asked incredulously, his eyebrow raised. "All this secrecy for a shovel talk from the ex-boyfriend?"
"Hardly, kid. Hestia and I were never like that," Prometheus said, staring into his mug. " Not for lack of trying, I admit, but it just couldn't work out."
"Gee, I wonder why," Captain Black said sardonically. "You two get along like fire and ice."
"Not fire and ice, Augustus. Fire and fire," Prometheus replied gravely. "I'm the fire of inspiration; quick, bright, always leaping from one thing to the next. She's the fire of the hearth; she settles in. When she takes something into her heart, she tends to keep it there. Like your base. Like your agents. Like you."
"...I see," Captain Back muttered quietly, taking a sip from his mug. "So she really does care about all that?"
"Of course. She's been lost in dreams of the past for thousands of years. Now she has something new to care about, and she's giving it her all. But as much as she likes humans, she doesn't think like them. If you asked her tomorrow, she probably wouldn't even remember taking over that girl's body; it wasn't anything to her. Not because she doesn't care about Ms. Tremaine, but because she literally can't see why what she did was wrong," Prometheus answered, slowly steeping the tea in his mug.
"Noted. Any other ominous warnings?" the captain asked, putting down his cup. "Or artistic metaphors? I gotta say, I liked the 'fire and fire' one."
"Funny you should mention that. You see, Hestia and I are two very different fires, but both kinds have one thing in common," Prometheus said as he lifted the teabag out of the cup. "When they're done, they leave only ashes behind."
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"Augustus?" Hestia asked, disrupting Captain Black's train of thought. "Are you alright? I can check in with the base if you're worried."
"No, no, don't bother...yourself," Captain Black finished, weakly grinning at his own lame joke. With the power of Aphrodite still at large, the Goddess of the Hearth had elected to split herself into two halves; one to stay at the base and one to come with him. She said that it was much easier now than it had been back when they were after Athena's essence, but if he looked at her out of the corner of his eye, he could see the strain on her face.
This date really means a lot to her, he thought, and me too, right? Unbelievably, he found himself wondering what Jackie would say about all this; he usually kept a level head. But when he looked at Hestia, his mind was filled with fire, warm and comforting, but with danger and agony within arm's reach.
Troubled, Captain Black bit into another strawberry, letting the rich chocolate roll around his tongue. Better enjoy this while it lasts, he thought as he looked at the goddess in front of him. We don't get too many peaceful moments in this line of work.
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Why is it so quiet out here? Jade thought as she walked through the hallway, nervously clutching the straps of her backpack. It's like Jason Voorhes is gonna pop out any minute now…
It was indeed eerily silent in the school's hallways, especially for the period right before lunch. Jade would occasionally pass small clumps of students or gooey-eyed couples, but for the most part her only companions were the overabundant and absurdly elaborate decorations covering the walls.
Well, if I wanted more evidence of magic, here it is, Jade mused, staring up at the nearest display. It looked like a marble frieze of two teenagers embracing, the artwork far too intricate to be of human design, and way too expensive for a public school. Add to that the intricately folded origami pieces shaped like scallop shells, the love poems written in calligraphy, and the many, many roses, carnations, and orchids taped to the walls, and it was clear that something was off.
"It's quiet," Jade whispered, half-joking. "Just the right amount of quiet - which never happens…"
Fortunately, her third period had gone without incident...unfortunately, so had nearly three quarters the class. The teacher had tried valiantly to soldier through the lesson, but once it sank in that the missing students would not be showing up, she marched her way over to the principal's office and never returned. It would've been comical if it wasn't so deeply unsettling.
"Whose bright idea was it to give Drew an entire morning to work his magic?" Jade grumbled to herself as she finally arrived outside her English classroom. "Oh right, mine…"
Opening the door, she saw that this class was even emptier than her third period had been; apart from Jimmy in the back and a group of two up front, the classroom was deserted. Not even the teacher was there. With a gulp of dread, she claimed her spot next to her friend.
"Jade, where is everybody?" Jimmy half-whispered. The other heads turned, wondering why this runty freshman would know anything. "The school's practically empty!"
"Did we miss a last-minute pep rally or something?" the girl in front of Jade whispered. She was a rather heavyset girl in a plaid skirt and red sweater vest, with messy red hair and glasses.
"Lucky us," said the last kid in their class, a tall and lanky Middle Eastern boy in a very loose t-shirt and jeans.
Jade sighed at them. "I know Jimmy's allergic, but Rachel, Yahir, did either of you eat any chocolate today?"
Both of the sophomores shook their heads. "I'm lactose intolerant," Yahir told her.
"Diabetic," Rachel said. "And my boyfriend's a chocoholic, so I was saving them for him."
"Let me guess," Yahir said with a roll of his eyes. "He lives in Canada, but he'll visit tonight when you're alone?"
"Yahir, it's Mark from Physics," Rachel said bluntly. "You've seen us together."
"Couldn't resist," Yahir chuckled, before turning to Jade. "So any particular reason you wanted to know?"
"I'd tell you, but I don't think you'd believe me," Jade said, prompting a scoff from Rachel.
"Jade, the school's turned into the world's most deserted art gallery in the span of four hours," she said. "At this point, I'll take whatever explanation I can get."
Jade crossed her arms and slumped her head on her desk. "Fine. A dorky freshman is infused with ancient magic and is taking over the school with enchanted chocolates. Happy?"
The two eyed each other, making "she's crazy" gestures, but Jimmy snapped to his feet. "It's Drew, isn't it?" he asked. "I knew something was off about him today...well, every day, really, but especially today!"
"Mm hm," Jade nodded at Jimmy, before turning to glare at Rachel and Yahir. "Look, I get it, I sound ridiculous. Totally certifiable! But the class is gonna stay missing whether you believe me or not, so you can either sit here and wait, or you can follow my lead. And if I'm wrong, you can laugh at me later. Deal?"
"I'll hold you to that," Yahir said, getting up from his seat. "Honestly, it's as good a reason as any to ditch." That said, he made his way to the door and put his hand on the handle. However, before Jade and the others could get out of their seats, the door suddenly flung open, pushing Yahir back.
"Well well well! What have we here?" came a female voice, one that was very familiar to the four students.
"Ms. Prescott? What...are you wearing?" Yahir asked confusedly. Indeed, it was their English teacher, but the attractive brunette was wearing a frankly bizarre getup. Rather than her usual acid-washed jeans and Hawaiian shirt, she was wearing what looked to be leather pants and a halter top, both decorated with eye-searingly bright colors, and both far too tight to have made it past the school board.
"Oh, this old thing?" the teacher said, pouting her bright pink lips. "The Liege whipped it up for me. Can't go out preaching the good word in old rags, can I?"
"Um, okay. This is making me intensely uncomfortable, so I'm just gonna-" Yahir began, trying to slip past Ms. Prescott and head out the door, only to be halted by the mob of students waiting right outside. They varied in age and gender, from freshmen all the way up to seniors, but they had two things in common; outlandish outfits and physical beauty. "...on second thought I think I'll just stay here."
"Good choice! After all, we can't let you leave until after the Initiation Ritual!" Ms. Prescott said cheerfully, grabbing Yahir by his shirt collar and dragging him back into the classroom. A few of the students followed her, forcing Jade, Jimmy, and Rachel to the middle of the room and forming an attractive blockade by the doors and windows.
"Tch, even brainwashed she gives us pop quizzes," Jade complained. "Scatter!"
Jade backed away as the mob spilled in, retreating to the teacher's desk. The other three kids followed suit, leaving their leader to give an exasperated sigh. "So not what 'scatter' means," she muttered.
"Excuse me, but where exactly are we supposed to scatter to?!" Rachel snapped, glaring at Jade. "These freaks are everywhere!"
"Get to higher ground!" Jimmy shouted, hopping up onto the desk. Jade quickly followed suit, reaching out a hand to help Rachel up. However, before she could do the same for Yahir, the lanky boy was suddenly yanked back.
"Now now! It's awfully rude of you to leave before you've been initiated!" said a short junior wearing what a wedding gown might look like if it had been made at Hot Topic and run through a thresher. Despite being at least half a foot smaller than Yahir, the grip she had on his collar was ironclad.
"Hang on skinny!" Jade yelled, but before she could leap off the desk and into the fray, Yahir spoke up.
"Are you crazy?! There's dozens of 'em!" he said as he was pulled through the crowd. "Just get out of here while they're dealing with me!"
"It's a love cult, not a zombie horde!" Jade snapped. "Stop being such a martyr!"
"This is all time that could be spent escaping," Jimmy pointed out. He hopped from desk to desk to the room's back wall, then onto a bookshelf, where he reached for the air vent above. With a solid tug and obvious faith in the lack of maintenance in public schools, he yanked off the cover and scurried inside. "Come on!" he shouted impatiently.
"Great, we're going from Dawn of the Dead to Die Hard," Rachel muttered as she and Jade made their way across the desks. For someone untrained in martial arts, the sophomore was surprisingly nimble, almost able to keep pace with Jade. The two kept an eye over their shoulders, though, as Yahir was pulled back further and further. When he was pressed against the wall, a couple of brainwashed boys in leather pants and mesh shirts held his jaws open, and Ms. Prescott inserted a square of chocolate.
"Now then, shall you be one of us, or will you have to beautify this world in a different form?" she asked sweetly, grabbing hold of Yahir's chin. With a forceful shove, she slammed his mouth closed, repeating the motion three times to make sure the chocolate was sufficiently chewed. That done, she nodded to the boys as they tipped Yahir's head back, sending the candy straight down his throat.
From their perch on top of the bookshelf, Rachel and Jade watched in horror as Yahir began to shudder silently. However, Jade also noticed that the entire room was focused on the boy, their attention completely diverted. "Quick, while they're distracted!" she hissed.
"Through where? You're barely small enough for that vent!" Rachel replied. Indeed, the shaft was just large enough to admit a person of Jade's below-average stature; the sophomore would barely get halfway.
"Right…" Jade thought, her eyes darting around the room until they settled on the ceiling above them. With a quick jump, she sent an axe kick directly into one of the tiles, splitting it down the middle and leaving a sizeable entryway into the school's rafters. "Get in and follow the shaft from the outside!" she said, cupping her hands to give Rachel a boost.
"Do we even know those passages conne - oh screw it, better than being caught!" Rachel grumbled. Stepping into Jade's hands, the petite martial artist hoisted the girl into the hole in the ceiling. Once Rachel had fully made her way in, Jade turned to head into the vent. However, she couldn't resist taking a last look over her shoulder to see what had happened to Yahir.
Where the skinny Middle Eastern boy had been standing, there was now a large potted tree with a braided trunk and pointy, dark green leaves. The trunk itself was long and lanky, similar to Yahir, and the boy's name was written on the side of the porcelain pot in elegant calligraphy. All around him, the love cultists were shaking their heads.
"I knew he didn't have enough beauty without," Ms. Prescott sighed, clicking her tongue, "but I thought he might have had enough beauty within. Ah well, on to the next!"
"Not if I can help it," Jade muttered, turning away from the scene and crawling into the vent. But while her tone was determined, the clang she made as she propped the cover back into place sounded absolutely fatal.
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"Madam, I have told you that I am on the list of Jade's approved guardians," Tohru panted, standing in front of the school's doors. The receptionist, a bony old woman in a conservative pantsuit, fixed him with a gimlet stare. "I have provided you with a photographic ID. I have given you the proper address. What else do you need before you let me in?"
"Well, for starters, you can open up that bag and show me what's inside," the receptionist said primly, pointing her pen at the brown satchel slung over Tohru's shoulder. "Second, you'll need to give me an actual, legitimate reason why you are picking up Jade early. I've heard nothing from her teachers or from the nurse's office that says she's allowed to leave."
"It is a family emergency," Tohru said, lifting the flap off the bag and showing it to the receptionist. She glanced over the neatly organized bric-a-brac within: tubes and jars labeled things like "hornet's honey" and "snail mucus", a dried cow tongue next to a crushed peony blossom, dried blowfish and petrified newt, and a jar of pickled chicken feet labeled "lunch".
"They don't pay me nearly enough to deal with this," she grumbled, pulling out a form attached to a clipboard. "Sign here, here, and here, and then find a chair you can sit on without breaking it while I call her teacher."
"Thank you," Tohru said quietly, taking the clipboard and the abuse with a straight face. "And may I have one of those?"
The giant's finger extended out to a small plastic bag of chocolates, tied up with fancy pink ribbons.
"Hm? Oh sure, knock yourself out," the receptionist said, handing Tohru the bag. "Some kid brought them in; I was saving them for later. Actually..." she muttered, reaching in and taking one for herself. "After this, I deserve a little pick-me-up."
"I am standing right here," Tohru said under his breath, taking the chocolates and tucking them into his satchel. He then made his way to the back of the office, sat down across three child-sized chairs, and put the pen to the paper.
Still, better this than crawling through a sewer, he thought as he began to write his name. He might have thought otherwise if he knew what was going to happen the second the receptionist's teeth broke through the delicate chocolate.
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"Come on, my darling princess! A single bite, and our love will last longer than the stars themselves!"
"Will you please stop talking like that?! I didn't think it was possible for you to be more of a creep, but you seem to love proving me wrong!"
"I'm the god of love, darling," Drew simpered, his body stretched across a luxurious divan. It was truly a magnificent piece, made of redwood and covered with red cushions, truly worthy of a god's palace. Naturally, this only made it stand out more given that it was set in the middle of a high school gymnasium. The entire room had undergone a drastic change since Jade's second period; mood lighting had been installed in the ceilings, with gel lights in blues, greens, and pinks, and unmeltable ice sculptures stood in every corner, each displaying Drew with a bow and quiver and a cocky grin. The linoleum floor had been covered in plush pink carpets, and a balloon arch stood over the entrance. All sorts of flowers and posters had been added to the paper hearts and Cupids around the walls. Only half of the newly installed lights were on, leaving the gym semi-darkened and perfectly atmospheric. "I'm about all sorts of love. But right now, I'm focused on my love for you."
"And quit it with the pickup lines!" Simone growled as she gave Drew a death glare. Quite frankly, it looked like the only thing keeping her from tearing him apart was the rope binding her wrists and ankles. "Seriously, for a 'god of love', you have all the appeal of a hornet's nest."
"Ah, your words cut deep!" Drew swooned dramatically, resting a hand on his head. "Here I am, giving you the option of coming to me willingly instead of having your will taken, and you treat me with such scorn! I even shooed away my devoted followers to protect you from undue pressure!" Indeed, the gym was surprisingly empty of brainwashed cultists; Drew and Simone were the only people there.
"What part of 'willingly' includes having your flunkies drag me out of algebra class and tie me to a chair?!" Simone snapped.
"The part where I didn't just shove a piece of chocolate down your piehole and call it a day!" Drew snapped back, his voice taking on his more usual nasally tone. "I don't have to take this from you, ya know!"
"Hey, I'm hardly going to complain if you want to head back to your groupies and let me go," Simone said, prompting Drew to scoff.
"Nice try, but no dice. I let you go, I destroy my rep. Besides, no one says no to Drew Curtis, not anymore! People used to just walk past me in the halls, but now they can't get enough! I'm king of the land of the beautiful, baby!" he boasted, gesturing wildly.
"Get real!" Simone shouted back, staring him right in his oversized eyes. "You were a worthless, immature, creepy little bully before, and that's all you are now. The only difference is that now you've managed to force people to like you! Without that chocolate, all the power in the world wouldn't earn you friends or love!
"And so what? What's wrong with using what I got now that I've got it? Where do you get off, little miss high and mighty? It's easy for you to say; everyone loves you!" Drew shouted, getting close to Simone's face. "You flaunt your looks, you flaunt your brains, you flaunt whatever people want to see to get their love. What's wrong with me doing the same thing?"
"Gee, I don't know, maybe the fact that I'm not brainwashing people, you moron!" Simone yelled, forcing Drew to put his hands over his ears. "And get out of my face; your breath smells like rancid almonds!"
"Okay, that's it," Drew growled, pulling a handful of chocolate from the pocket of his jeans. "No more Mr. Nice God. I'm giving you one last chance: Simone Magus, will you be my Valentine?"
"No!" Simone snarled, straining against her chains. "If you think I could ever love or be attracted to you, then you're not just stupid - you're blind as well!"
"Aw, what's the matter? I'm not your type?" Drew asked mockingly, waving the chocolate in front of Simone's face. "You really, really sure about that? I'm the god of love, you know; I can be all sorts of types."
Simone cracked a grin at this, laughing right in Drew's face. "Unless you can get a personality transplant and switch out your Y chromosome with an X, that's not happening."
"...wait, huh?" Drew asked, his tone confused. He seemed legitimately taken aback by her response..
Simone scoffed. "Do I need to put it on my shirt or something? I'm gay, you moron!"
"Not anymore you're not!" Drew replied smugly, shoving the chocolate into Simone's mouth. He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. "Just for the record, I'm expanding your sexuality, not flipping it; I'm a patron of all forms of love, after all."
"You call it love, but I call it madness!" came a familiar voice. Drew had just enough time to look up in surprise before receiving a foot to the face courtesy of a flying Chan.
As Jade gracefully landed from her drop, Jimmy and Rachel ran up to Simone and shook her shoulders, sending the barely chewed chocolate onto the ground. "Simone, are you okay?" Jimmy asked breathlessly as Rachel untied Simone's limbs. The boy was clearly winded, but his expression was determined nonetheless.
"Aside from being tied up? Better than I would've been ten seconds from now," Simone said gratefully, giving an extra-large smile to Jade as she joined their cluster. "How'd you even find us?"
"Sound travels pretty far, especially from an auditorium. It's in the name," Rachel replied smugly, before turning to Jade. "Also, Nat King Cole, really?"
"Hey, I just jumped out a vent and sprinted down a hallway. Give me some slack," Jade grumbled. "I coulda just gone with 'love hurts'!"
"Better than 'love is a battlefield'," Jimmy chuckled. "That one's been done to death."
"Or something about the power of love," Simone chuckled. "I got more than enough cheese from loverboy over there."
Before Jade could reply, a scream of rage came from behind the divan, prompting Jade to quickly wheel around. The offending furniture item was tossed aside, revealing a heavily panting Drew with a massive bruise on his face. "Are you kidding me with this?!" he screeched, spittle flying from his mouth. "I will not be ignored like this! I am a god, and I command your respect!"
"No, you demand our attention," Rachel huffed snidely, turning up her nose. "And quite frankly, if you're what passes for a god, I can see why atheism got big."
"Oh, I like her," Simone whispered to Jade. "Can we keep her?"
"So not the time," Jade replied with a roll of her eyes. "Anyway, at the risk of being a hypocrite, no chance you'll sit this out?"
"And miss out on a chance to finally be in one of your adventures? Not on your life!" Simone laughed, entering a combat stance. At Jade's surprised look, she added, "You know Taekwondo classes are a thing."
"I still can't believe people like you actually exist," Jade sighed, entering a similar stance. "Let's just take him down before he gets his flunkies in here and makes it an actual challenge." Rachel, looking back and forth between the two of them, turned to Jimmy with a questioning look in her eyes.
"Yes, it's super obvious," he whispered. "Think Jade feels the same way? 'Cuz I was sorta thinking of, ya know..."
"So not the time," Rachel whispered back. "But in case we all die here? I think you've got a shot."
"Oh, you idiots are going to regret messing with me!" Drew hissed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out an ornate slingshot. Suddenly, bright bursts of pink light emerged from his shoulder blades, shifting and transforming until they took the form of a pair of massive feathery wings. With a powerful flap, Drew took off into the air, flying so quickly through the gym that he was basically a blur.
"Watch your backs, everyone!" Jade commanded. "This might get rough!" However, just as she finished speaking, she felt a small object slam into her lips, bouncing off and falling to the ground. She almost yelled in pain, only to turn pale when she realized what had hit her: a small chocolate.
''J-" Jimmy began to say, only for Jade to slap a hand over his mouth and point at the discarded projectile. Immediately, all three of the other teenagers shut their mouths tightly, barley wincing even as small chocolates began to hit their bodies.
"Aw, so maybe you guys are smarter than you look!" came Drew's voice, echoing throughout the gym. "But catching you by surprise doesn't matter! With my speed, I'll wear you down bit by bit, until you're begging for my gifts!"
His dating strategy in a nutshell, Jade thought with a roll of her eyes. Still, it wasn't inaccurate. Between Drew's incredible speed and remarkable accuracy, he could take potshots at them from anywhere without giving them any openings to hit back. Already she could see Rachel and Jimmy starting to waver, small bruises popping up on their faces.
"Hahahaha! You get it now, don't you?! I don't need my worshippers to take care of you! You can't beat me! You can't beat love!" Drew chortled, stopping his flight near the gym's ceiling. However, as he took in a breath to say more, he was interrupted by a familiar hoarse voice.
"Angry crow takes flight!" was the shout that preceded a red-and-gray blur slamming into Drew, knocking the winged boy to the ground. Drew moaned in agony, one of his pink wings bent at an ugly angle. As Jade and her friends stared in horror, Hak Foo straightened up, turning to give Jade a good look at his grinning muzzle.
"Hello little girl," he said, licking his chops. "What's your rush?"
"...okay, so we're agreed that the Sondheim quotes just make this freakier, right?" Rachel muttered, looking from side to side. "It's not just me?"
"Jade, what is this thing?" Simone asked, her eyes fixed on the chimeric abomination that was currently cracking its neck in front of them.
"Hak Foo…" Jade said slowly, her tone worried. "What are you even doing here?"
"I'm rabbit hunting, little girl," Hak Foo said smugly. "And you're the rabbit in question. So come along quietly, and I'll consider letting your friends walk out of here."
Before Jade could respond, Simone, Jimmy, and even Rachel stepped up to form a protective blockade in front of her. "You're going to have to go through us, first!" Jimmy shouted, pointing a finger at the deranged martial artist.
"You're saying that like it's a problem," Hak Foo chuckled, shaking his head. "But let's let the girl choose her own destiny, shall we?"
"How'd you even find me?" Jade asked, pushing her way through her attempted protectors. "There's no way Eris cared enough to figure out where I go to school!"
"Indeed, that would be correct," Hak Foo admitted with a shrug. "But this face isn't just for show. And you left such a convenient trail behind you," he added, gesturing to his neck. There, Jade noticed for the first time the necklace he was wearing: a very familiar sneaker pierced through with a piece of string.
"Tch, figures," Jade bit out, glaring at Hak Foo. "Well, if you think I'm gonna let you take me and Drew back to Eris-!"
At that, Hak Foo started to laugh. "Ha! Just like a child to jump to conclusions! I'm not taking you to Lady Eris; I'm taking you off the board. Permanently. And as for the boy, that brat is completely inconsequential."
"What did you just say?!" came a voice from near the door of the gym. The four students and the martial artist turned to face Drew, who had taken advantage of the confusion to start limping out of the line of fire, only to stop dead when he heard Hak Foo dismiss him. Apparently the boy's ego was bigger than his sense of self-preservation.
"Drew, get the heck out of here!" Jade snapped. "We'll deal with you later!"
"Indeed, listen to the girl," Hak Foo said, rolling his eyes. "You're of no use to anyone here."
"Excuse me?" Drew screeched. "Do you know who I am?!"
"Of course I do," Hak Foo replied. "You're a pathetic, sniveling little brat. Too weak to fight against me, too cowardly to stand either with me or against me. The best thing you can do is leave now, and let me deal with the real warri-"
Before Hak Foo could continue his rant, he was interrupted by a chocolate slamming into his open maw. Reflexively, the martial artist swallowed, sending the enchanted candy down his throat. In an instant, his body was transformed into a magnificent statue, the various materials making it up blending into each other to create an appealing patchwork whole. His condor's wing had reshaped itself into a magnificent wing-like sword, his armadillo armor had gems embedded into it, his ostrich legs were elegantly sculpted to resemble coiled springs, and his fangs and claw shone pearly white and obsidian black respectively. Even his beaver tail was transformed, now made out of solid gold. For all that it represented, Jade had to admit that it was a spectacular piece.
"Ha! How you like me now, idiot?" Drew bragged smugly, striding confidently over to the transfigured chimera. "Normally it'd take time for you to be judged, but I supercharged that little candy just for you! Enjoy being beautiful for the first time in your life, freakshow!" he finished, spitting at the statue's feet.
"Um, so is this better or worse for us?" Rachel whispered to Jade, who was staring at the scene.
"I'll tell you in a minute," she muttered back.
"Now then, where were we?" Drew continued, his broken wing straightening out with a disturbing crack. "Oh right; I was taking the four of you down!" However, as the boy started to take off, he felt a hand grab him by the back of his shirt. Or rather, not a hand; a claw.
"Stymphalian birds..." came a gruff voice, causing Drew's smug expression to transform into a mask of pure fear. "...SLASH FOE!" Hak Foo finished, flipping Drew over his head. As the boy hung suspended in the air, Hak Foo brought what was once his condor's wing up in a sweeping motion. The blade came in contact with Drew's wings and, without being halted for a moment, sliced them off his shoulders.
As Drew dropped to the ground, screaming in agony, Jade stared in horror at Hak Foo. His body remained metallic, but from the burning lights in his eyes, the transformation didn't hinder him at all. As a matter of fact, the transformation only seemed to make him stronger, as evidenced by his smooth motions and the increased lethality of his natural weapons.
"H...how?" Drew muttered weakly, his body shivering in pain. While losing the wings didn't seem to have caused any actual wounds, the pain he felt was all too real.
"Do I look like I have issue with transmogrification?" Hak Foo answered, tossing the wings aside. "My lady has armored me against magical assault, leaving me more than capable of making your 'curse' into a blessing."
"But...I'm the god of love…" Drew began, only for Hak Foo to shake his head.
"Still you delude yourself? You are merely a boy, one who was touched by an ember of the fires of love," he said, turning away from Drew's cringing form. "So burn out."
As Drew finally passed out, Jade turned to Rachel, who was currently paralyzed with fear. "I'm gonna have to go with 'worse' at this point," she said, her glib tone undermined by the quaver in her voice. However, as she and her friends watched Hak Foo slowly make his way towards them, one thought kept racing through her mind.
Even if Eris shielded him, a spell cast by the essence holder should've broken through. Does that mean...Drew isn't the new Aphrodite? But if Drew doesn't have the power, who does?
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"We have now returned to Pier 39," the tour guide announced. "Wasn't that a great day out? We hope you enjoyed your cruise. Please disembark in an orderly fashion, and have a great Valentine's Day!"
Captain Black kept his eyes on Hestia, who kept staring wistfully at the waves, smirking at a raft of sea lions barking at the newly-arrived boat, her champagne glass hovering in front of her mouth. Was this his chance? She was sitting right there. He leaned in close, and missed her face when the boat jerked from a wave. His eyes flew to the window, and all thought of a kiss drained from his mind.
"What in the world is that!?" the Captain asked, pointing out the porthole. Out in the distance, a bizarre structure had risen out of the city skyline.
"What's what?" Hestia asked, snapping out of her relaxed state. Her eyes flew to the porthole, and she squinted her eyes. "It looks like...cheese? Are they building a cheese tower here?"
Captain Black gave her a funny look. "I'm part of the intelligence community, Hestia," he replied sardonically. "And so are you, for that matter. If there was gossip of such a thing, we'd know. Magic is involved in this, and our best resources are tied up! We need to get over there and get backup immediately!"
"If that is indeed the power of Aphrodite, then calling in reinforcements could be unwise," Hestia warned. "She'll only turn your forces against each other with her wiles. Lucky for you, I have something that can help…"
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"Uncle, perhaps it is time to give up?" Jackie begged. Everything below his knees was caked in gunk, and they'd traversed miles of freezing, stinking, rat-infested tunnels. "We have looked over fifty pearls, and the chi-o-matic is still in the same position!"
"Then we do not have proper pearl!" Uncle snapped back, waving the chi-o-matic in Jackie's face. The dial was still indicating a slight source of divine power, as it had without change all day. "Power of Aphrodite is out there, and cannot fall into wrong hands! We will keep searching until it is found!"
Jackie sighed and took a sharp left, only to run into a huge grey, rocky mass blocking the way for anything larger than a lunchbox. Water and filth seeped underneath through fist-sized openings, but it would be a hard climb to get over it.
"Ai-yah!" Uncle complained. "What is holdup?"
"It's a fatberg," Jackie sighed, stepping away from the mass.
"A what?"
"A large mass of inorganic material that clogs the sewer systems. We had better report it later. The point is, it's a dead end. We have to turn back and re-enter somewhere else."
Uncle sighed and turned to a nearby ladder, ascending it without a single complaint even as his joints cracked from the strain. Jackie stared in wonder as the old man reached the top and blasted the manhole cover off with a shot from his blowfish.
"Uncle!" the archaeologist cried. "Someone could have been hurt!"
"Ai-yah!" Uncle snapped. "Everyone will be hurt if power is not contained! You want crazed love goddess to take over world? No? Then do not question Uncle!"
Jackie shook his head in frustration as he followed his uncle up and out of the sewer, into the middle of an abandoned street. Every car around them was parked, some abandoned.
Suddenly, the chi-o-matic lit up and spun wildly, screeching and whirring. "Power is nearby!" Uncle shouted, spinning around himself.
"I noticed," Jackie said, deadpan, nudging Uncle's shoulder and pointing down the street. The building before them had once been a beloved city landmark, the combination of shops known as Ghirardelli Square, famed for their fine chocolates and cheeses. What used to be the first adaptive reuse building project in the United States had been completely transformed into a medieval castle, composed entirely out of different foodstuffs. Where the elegant brick facade and clear glass windows had once been, they were now replaced with bricks of chocolate gateau and fondant mortar, and the windows were crafted of spun sugar. Castle turrets made of cheese and waffle cones stretched out in every direction, reaching to the sky in an elegant display, complete with artificial whipped cream clouds nearly blending in with the real ones. The entire edifice was a monument to gluttony, even if the artistry was undeniable.
Moreover, Jackie and Uncle weren't the only two to have noticed it. Throngs of people were crossing over the lowered New York strip steak drawbridge over a moat of steaming matcha tea, all chattering excitedly amongst themselves. However, the flow seemed to be only going one way: people were going in, but no one was coming out.
"Ai-yah…" Uncle gasped, staring up at the towering structure. "Essence has found a host. We were too late."
"To transform an entire building would take enormous power," Jackie said, his voice quiet. "The last time I saw something like this was Athena's palace...uh, sorry," he added, noting Uncle's glare.
"Apologies not important!" Uncle snapped, giving Jackie a two-fingered strike to the forehead. "Power of Aphrodite is!"
"But how did it get all the way out here?" Jackie wondered.
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Meanwhile, at the highest room of the tallest tower, a lush female form was reclining on a chaise lounge, her gaze fixed on the ornate hand mirror she held. However, reflected in its depths were not her own features, but instead the image of Jackie and Uncle as they slowly began to make their way into the castle.
"And so the remaining players enter the field," she murmured, tracing small hearts on the glass. "It truly is a shame that my darling Eros has already been usurped, but I suppose it's to be expected. I told him to get finished with his business quickly and start spreading the gospel to the city, but he was too focused on his own gratification," she continued as she lifted the mirror closer. Immediately, the reflection shifted to show the woman's face. It was a face of tremendous and terrible beauty, formed of bronze skin, full lips, and intensely striking brown eyes. And most striking at all was the magnificent glowing of her hair: a lush mane of braids, each one a different color.
"Selfish child, and so foolish as well. He honestly thought he could lie to me? 'Nothing', indeed. He should've known better. After all, Cupid may be all the rage these days, but now as has always been, mother always knows best."
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PA2: Surprise twist! It was the OC all along! Poor Drew: finally gets a day in the limelight, and he doesn't even get to be the main villain.
MP: Nobody cares, bud. It's Drew. But for fun, in my head his mom is voiced by Yvette Nicole Brown. Please hear that voice in your head for her lines from this point on.
PA2: And she's going to be getting quite a bit next time! As Jackie and Uncle attempt to infiltrate Drew's mother's elaborate edifice of edibles, Jade and her friends will have to deal with a variety of threats, most dangerous of all being the newly transmogrified Hak Foo! Will they all get out of this alive? Will Rachel suffer the consequences of being the most prominent OC in the Jade subplot and take the fall to save the canon characters? Nobody knows but us, and until we post Chapter 16: Welcome to the Pleasuredome, that's how it's gonna stay!
MP: And to those who complain that we threw away an established character to use an OC (and another mom, at that), we say Drew's mom's plenty different from Mama Tohru! Also, Drew just...he just sucks, ok?
PA2: Oh, absolutely. Literally the worst. Trust us, you'll be thanking us for the villain switch up by the end of this. As always, if you enjoyed and haven't already, please fave, follow, and review! Feedback helps us hone our craft, and we really want to know what you thought, what you liked, and what you didn't!
MP: Absolutely! Feedback can make a big difference! Everyone should give their honest opinion! And you'll want to know when the next chapter is out, because it has one of my favorite scenes yet!
PA2: And now, to steal a signing-off quote from an old friend, "May stardust fall gently on your dreams!" We'll see you in the next one!