PA2: Close your eyes. Take a breath. Count to three. Come with me…and you'll be…
MP: Ease up, Wonka. Musical numbers in written text never play out well. Besides, I wanna manage expectations.
PA2: What are you talking about? You can't tell me that doesn't fit perfectly with the setting this time around! And besides, you were the one saying that you thought people were going to love this chapter!
MP: Not because of whimsy! I think the readers will love it for raw emotion, not to spoil it too much.
PA2: You have a good point. In that case, let's get started right now, before we spill any spoilers! (Or I get the urge to start singing again.) Enjoy, everyone!
Jackie Chan Adventures: Olympian Journey
Chapter 16: Welcome to the Pleasuredome
Loud cheers and flute music greeted Jackie and Uncle as they crossed the drawbridge over the boiling moat into the palace. The place was a blur of activity. People everywhere were indulging in different forms of pleasure and beauty: dancing, singing, playing music, baking, eating, painting, sculpting, and more. Nobody seemed able to stay still for more than a second, everyone constantly jumping from activity to activity as the mood struck them. The very air seemed filled with a gleeful madness, a euphoric sensation of pure, unbridled desire not at all hindered by the wafting scent of processed sugar.
"Jade can never know about this place," Jackie said solemnly.
"Speak up!" Uncle roared over the din. "Uncle can barely hear your mumbling!"
Jackie clapped a hand over his uncle's mouth before the sound could carry, placing a finger over his own lips. His message was clear: they couldn't be discovered. Uncle huffed, but grudgingly kept his mouth shut. He then proceeded to shove Jackie to the side and start marching forward, leaving his beleaguered nephew to try and keep up. However, before they could get past the door, they heard a quiet "He-hem!" from the side of the door. Turning, they saw, weirdly enough, an androgynous African-American person dressed immaculately in an old butler's uniform. They had two fingers pinching his nostrils shut and a violent glare distorting their otherwise perfect face. "Excuse me," they said, in a very snobbish tone. "But I'm afraid I must ask you two to leave. This is a celebration of life, not a plumbers' convention."
Jackie gave him a funny look before inhaling. He grimaced when he realized just how much of the sewer he'd brought in with him.
Uncle gave the man a glare and walked off, only to find his path blocked by partygoers, all of them giving him ugly looks.
Behind them, the butler glared at them for a moment longer, before sighing. "Fortunately for you, the madame has already arranged precautions for situations like these," they said, promptly producing a platter covered in brightly colored perfume bottles. "Compliments of the house, gentlemen. Mandatory for further entry."
Before Jackie could react, Uncle stomped back over to the butler, grabbed one of the bottles, and squeezed hard on the nozzle. A shimmering pink mist emerged from the spout, cascading over Uncle's body. When it faded, the old wizard was left smelling like a bouquet of violets. His expression, however, was completely unchanged, giving Jackie the confidence to pick up his own bottle.
Jackie coughed slightly as the pink fog enveloped his form, his eyes stinging from the concentrated scent of chocolate emerging from his chosen perfume container. As he rubbed his eyes in an attempt to restore his vision, he noticed Uncle walking back into the crowd, none of whom blocked his way. Indeed, now that the vile odor surrounding him was gone, they seemed to pay him no attention at all, completely absorbed by their own revelry. As Jackie took off after him, he didn't notice as the butler themself started to blur, their form shifting and softening before vanishing in a pink haze of their own.
The two men silently elbowed their way through the vast mob, none of whom paid them any mind as they continued to party. The vast entrance hall, its walls made out of pastel pink chiffon cake decorated with multicolored macarons, was filled almost to the brim with people; some of them were lounging on couches and divans made of various sweetmeats, while others were talking animatedly in the shade of the candy-cane buttresses, out of the colored lights cast by gummi chandeliers. Whatever people weren't working on art were working on food, stirring milk, coating things in chocolate, brewing coffee and tea in massive amounts. Half-finished paintings and statues were all over the place, all displaying the same zaftig woman with multicolored braids, an unfamiliar figure in Jackie and Uncle's eyes.
"That must be who gained the power," Jackie muttered in Uncle's ear, only to get a smack back.
"Do not state obvious!" Uncle replied, gripping his blowfish tight. "And get away from Uncle's ear! Uncle is not deaf old man!"
Jackie gave his uncle a funny look, but led the old man through the crowd as best he could. The noise was almost deafening, and strobe lights kept going off. The two weaved through the narrow gaps as they searched for the stairs. After a few minutes Jackie spotted them: giant wafer cookies stacked up and spiraling away. They raced over when Jackie suddenly tripped and fell to the floor, dragging his uncle down with him. Uncle gave him another smack. "Watch where you are going! You nearly broke Uncle's hip!"
Jackie stayed down, though, unable to balance properly from the snare wrapped around his ankle. A haughty chuckle sounded behind him, snapping the whip and reeling him in like a fresh catch. "Well, I won't be throwing back this big fish!" Vanessa laughed, stepping out of the crowd. Uncle scowled at the dark-skinned blonde, grinding his teeth. Kasahara and Zhixin followed her out of the crowd, Kasahara folding himself into a paper bull, and Zhixin charging up more palm blasts.
"Ai-yah!" Uncle cried, seizing Jackie's hands and helping him to his feet. Jackie struggled to kick away the whip, and finally succeeded, only for Uncle to whack him again. "You should not have taken so long in sewers!"
Kasahara regarded them, his head morphing back into a human face. "Ugh, you actually went down there?!"
"Ancient wisdom," Zhixin smirked. "The jackal never starves when it follows the lioness."
Uncle sneered and blasted Zhixin back into the crowd, and Vanessa and Kasahara charged them. The old man spun and swung a roundhouse kick at Vanessa, but she teleported behind him and knocked him off-balance. Jackie came to Uncle's defense, striking Vanessa in the back, but Kasahara got him in the back with his sharpened paper horns. Jackie twirled just enough to dodge, tearing his shirt in the process, but got underneath the fold-up man and kicked him upward, easily displacing his paper body. Zhixin leapt back out of the crowd with a barrage of karate chops, but Jackie leaned back as far as he could and punched upward, sending the monk flying into Kasahara.
"Focus on Chan!" Vanessa snarled, teleporting back into the fray. She launched her whip and Uncle's blowfish went flying. "The old man's worthless without his spells!"
The other Agents nodded and moved in. Kasahara folded into a paper tiger and lashed his claws, Zhixin fired a barrage of blasts, and Vanessa cracked her whip.
"Bad day, bad day, bad day!" the archaeologist cried. Jackie leapt and ducked, rolled and somersaulted, but no matter how much he dodged, he couldn't find an opening for offense as he was slowly but surely backed into a corner. Yelping, he dove to the side as Vanessa threw a pot of melted chocolate at him, the heated confection splashing onto his shirt and arms as he did. In seconds the chocolate cooled and hardened, and Jackie grunted and threw himself on the floor to shatter it. He got back up, only to find himself pressed right against one of Kasahara's blades.
"Finally, your end has come!" Kashara chortled, drawing his arm back slightly. As Jackie braced himself, however, he heard a roar behind the Agents of Chaos. Vanessa suddenly collapsed merely from a hand squeezing her shoulder. Kasahara was kicked from underneath and torn in half by an old man's arthritic hands. And Zhixin was felled by a kick to the crotch, his arms bound by Vanessa's own whip.
"YOU WANT MORE PIECES OF UNCLE?" Uncle roared, droplets of spit flying in the whimpering monk's face.
Jackie just stared at the old chi wizard in wonder. He hadn't seen Uncle do something so bold without magical assistance in decades. "Uncle, how did you do that?" he asked, barely heard over the roar.
Uncle huffed at this. "With age comes wisdom and experience," the old man said, not quite answering the question. "Never forget what Uncle brings to table."
"You mean a bony old bird with a stick up his-" Vanessa cried out, only to be silenced by a roundhouse kick from Uncle. The old man struck her before she could react, then hopped for a moment as he tried to relocate his ankle.
"RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!"
"Um, Uncle?" Jackie chirped, rejoining the old man's side. He pointed at each of the outlaws in turn. "We are missing a couple of Agents of Chaos."
Uncle lunged at Vanessa, pointing his blowfish directly at her heart. "Where are magic burping lady and mutant man?" he demanded. As he glared, his unconventional weapon lit up like a lantern.
"Ancient wisdom," Zhixin chuckled, "the-"
It was at that moment that Uncle shoved the blowfish halfway into Zhixin's mouth, interrupting his proverb and nearly choking the old monk. "DO NOT BANDY WORDS WITH UNCLE!"
"Impressive use of intimidation, elderly one," Kasahara said with genuine reverence in his voice. Uncle immediately turned, his hand folded as if to chop the fold-up man in the neck, only for Jackie to grab him by the wrist.
"Uncle, what are you doing?" he gasped, yanking the wizard back. "You're torturing them!"
"And getting our respect for it," Vanessa added snidely, prompting a glare from Jackie. "But fine, we'll get to the point. The newbie's not with us; he's out on a different mission."
"And what mission is that exactly?" Jackie asked, only for Vanessa to start chuckling.
"You really don't have time to be worrying about that," she taunted. "After all, you've got your work cut out for you catching up to the boss."
"The boss…" Jackie muttered thoughtfully, before his eyes widened. "A diversion!"
"When we arrived and saw you here, we figured a distraction was in order," Kasahara added smugly. "And it seems to have worked perfectly."
Zhixin tried to say something around the blowfish still in his mouth, but winced as he cut his tongue on one of the spines. However, even that pain couldn't keep the twisted smile from leaving his face.
In a rage, Uncle yanked the blowfish out of the monk's mouth, turned to the other two Agents and fired. Zhixin went flying into them, and all three were blasted above the crowd and across the room, landing with a splash in a huge pot of simmering cheese fondue. The three burst to the surface, grunting and screaming, but found themselves firmly stuck in place by the molten swiss and gouda blend.
"Agents' plan has curdled," Uncle smirked. In a flash, he was back to his cranky self. He swatted Jackie again. "What are you waiting for? Power of Aphrodite is about to fall into hands of chaos!" He stopped and turned. "One more thing!" He fired one more blast from his blowfish, knocking the Agents beneath the surface of the hot cheese one more time as he stormed off.
Jackie stared at his Uncle as the old chi wizard raced ahead of him on those aged joints, shaking his head in confusion. What has gotten into him today?
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"Chryasor impales boar!" Hak Foo shouted as he leapt off of the ceiling, his wing-turned-sword extended outward. Staring up at the blade, Simone quickly rolled to the side, causing Hak Foo's blow to instead pierce through the gym floor. As the mercenary stopped to free his blade, Simone got to her feet and ran to the other side of the gym, over to where Rachel was currently attempting to knock over an ice sculpture.
A few yards away, Jade was hoisting herself up to the rafters, her clothes covered with small nicks and cuts. And I thought he was tough before, she thought, grunting with exertion. She and her friends had been running around the gym for the past few minutes, just barely managing to stay ahead of Hak Foo's attacks. For all the extra weight he must have been carrying, his metal transformation seemed to actually increase his speed rather than the opposite. Indeed, his ostrich legs were now able to compress down like springs, enabling him to move with great bursts of speed and vast leaps. Added to his new bladed appendage, his deadly sharpened fangs and claw, and the extra plating on his torso, the chimera was practically untouchable.
"Nice going, Drew!" Jade snapped, glaring down at the floor. From his position next to her, Jimmy sighed and shook his head.
"Don't waste the effort. He's not even here," he said. Indeed, Drew had managed to recover surprisingly quickly from getting his wings torn off (divine endurance at its finest), but as soon as he had regained consciousness, he had booked it from the gym as fast as his legs could carry him and hadn't been back since. Not that anybody had cared, considering what they were up against.
"Pegasus takes flight!" Hak Foo snarled as he coiled his springs and fired himself up to Jade. The agent-in-training grabbed a ceiling light and swung away, throwing herself against a gym mat that had been placed against the wall, then rolling when she hit the floor, landing near Rachel and her targeted ice sculpture. Abandoning the project, the sophomore yanked Jade to her feet and the two ran for it, Hak Foo hot on their heels.
"Jade, catch!" Simone yelled. Jade didn't even look back, only opening her hands as she ran to catch a length of rope. Simone had the other end, and they circled Hak Foo, tripping him up. The chimera didn't even break stride as he slashed it apart with his obsidian bladed turtle claws ("Nemean Lion rends cattle!").
"You're the idea girl!" Jimmy cried in Jade's direction, momentarily distracting Hak Foo with a dodgeball to the back. "Ya got anything for us?"
"Just run!" Jade shot back, heading for the door. She and Rachel reached it first and pushed out, only to be immediately pushed back in by a fleshy wall.
"Oh no, more of them?" Rachel moaned. "How many supervillains do you know?"
"Like, a couple dozen?" Jade told her with a cock of her head. "But this ain't one of 'em! Big T, you're just in time!"
Indeed, it was Tohru standing in the doorway, his massive torso forming a solid wall of muscle. The sumo had clearly seen better days, though; his clothing was ripped and torn, there were a myriad of scratches on his arms and chest, and a smear of chocolate on the side of his nose marked where one of Drew's minions had unsuccessfully tried to force a piece of candy into his mouth. But his eyes were set in steely determination as looked down at Jade. "I assume you are aware that Aphrodite's power has awakened?" he asked.
"Yeah, old news by this point. But we've got a less-related situation going on right now. Mind takin' the reins on this?" Jade replied.
Tohru took one glance at the even more transformed Hak Foo and, without any further question, gently moved Jade and Rachel to the side and charged in with the entirety of his bulk. Hak Foo met him head-on, and the two began to grapple.
"Satyr kick!" Hak Foo screamed, aiming a kick at Tohru's shin, but Tohru gut-checked Hak Foo and threw him aside into a table, breaking it in half. The chimera popped right back up, though, roaring and snarling as he sprung himself toward the giant. Tohru sidestepped and pulled out his blowfish, knocking Hak Foo aside. The blast seemed to do nothing else, though.
"T, Eris tricked him out!" Jade warned. "He resists magic now!"
"Understood. Now hurry!" Tohru shouted as he attempted to grapple with Hak Foo. "The spread of Aphrodite's power needs to be stopped!"
Jimmy and Rachel didn't have to be told twice, but Jade stayed rooted to the spot, watching the fight. Simone grabbed her friend's arm and hurried her out the door into the hallway. "Come on, Jade!" she cried. "We've got enough on our plate as it is!"
She wasn't kidding, considering they ran straight into a mob of Drew's cultists, a mixture of sophomores, juniors, and a couple of teachers. They all had outlandish clothing in bright Day-Glo colors, with gaudy jewelry hanging from them. What they did have in common, though, were glassy eyes and creepy smiles.
"It appears that we have found the last of the stragglers," said a mesmerized Mr. Grady in a singsong voice. "Our liege will be so pleased!"
The crowd closed in crescent formation around the kids, pushing them up against the wall. The only ways out seemed to be back into the gym, or straight through the mob.
Surprisingly, Jimmy was the first to strike, shooting out his foot and kicking a much taller boy in the shin. The boy screamed and hopped on his other leg, clutching the injured spot. "Ow!" he complained. "That wasn't beautiful behavior at all!"
"Leave no shin unkicked!" Jade announced with a smile, lashing out a leg of her own. Simone and Rachel nodded and made their way through the crowd, dodging and ducking hands as they knocked the cultists off-balance. The four kids wove their way through, out of the mob and down the hall one by one, only to stop as Jimmy was yanked back. Mr. Grady had caught him by the back of his shirt and hoisted him into the air by one hand.
"Surrender to love!" the teacher ordered the rest of them. "We already have your friend!"
"Just go!" Jimmy shouted, swinging and writhing in his teacher's grip. "They've got me either way!"
"Don't hear me arguing!" Rachel said as she dashed off. Jade and Simone did simultaneous facepalms.
"Seriously, just go before they recover! I'll do my best to hold 'em!" Jimmy continued. Jade opened her mouth to say something, only for Rachel to come running back around the corner, grab her by her hoodie, and drag her down the hallway.
"Hey!" Jade snapped as Simone jogged up to them. "Watch the material!"
"I'm sorry, next time I'll just leave you there!" Rachel snapped back, letting go of Jade's clothes. However, rather than stumbling, the agent-in-training was instantly able to find her footing and start running alongside her friends.
"Thanks for coming back, though," Simone said gratefully, patting the older girl on the shoulder.
"Did you really think I was going to leave you two there?" Rachel asked incredulously.
"Talk later!" Jade said as she heard the mob stirring behind her. She grabbed both girls and pulled them behind her as she sprinted full speed down the overly-decorated hallway.
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Tohru stood his ground against Hak Foo, never taking his back from the door. If the thug escaped, there might be no catching him. Anyone that psychotic would gladly tear through the entire school and everyone in it to complete his mission.
"Step aside, Tohru," Hak Foo purred, scraping his ostrich feet on the linoleum floor. "This is your one and only chance to save yourself."
"Never!" Tohru roared back. He snarled and charged forward, throwing the entirety of his considerable weight at the chimera. Hak Foo only laughed and clutched Tohru's shoulder in his cobalt turtle claw, then vaulted over him ("Flying fish leap!"), slamming his metal feet into the small of the giant's back ("Frog vaults from lilypad!"). Tohru fell to the floor, but pushed himself up like a spring and seized Hak Foo by the foot, spinning and throwing him at a wall. Hak Foo laughed and bounced off of it on his springy legs and tackled Tohru in the stomach ("Frog rebounds!").
Tohru wrapped his arms around the thug and rolled with him, landing on top of him and repeatedly slamming his face into the floor. Hak Foo growled and beat his sword-wing beneath the giant, throwing the brass coils of his hair into Tohru's face. They brushed Tohru's nose, and he sneezed and loosened his grip, allowing Hak Foo to break free with a shout of "Serpent emerges from stone!"
Panting hard, Tohru pushed himself to his feet, his weight notably sagging. He couldn't let Hak Foo past. Those children were depending on him.
"You cannot win, fool," Hak Foo taunted, displaying his sharp iron teeth. "Submit and accept your fate!"
"Fate is something you make, not accept," Tohru huffed. "Working for a deity of chaos, you of all people should know that things can always change." He reached into his bag and pulled out a slip of parchment, drizzling olive oil onto it.
"More of your pathetic spells?" Hak Foo said with a sneer. He flexed his turtle arm and took on an aggressive stance. "You know that they will not work on me!"
"But they will work on me!" Tohru countered. He slipped the scroll under his shirt, where it stuck tight. "Agility scroll!"
A dim, hot pink glow emitted from under Tohru's shirt as his massive form took to the air, leaping to touch the high ceiling before crashing down toward Hak Foo, who barely slipped away as the giant's impact cracked the floor. Tohru snatched the thug by the claw and swung him upside-down into the floor, repeating the action again and again as Hak Foo screamed in pain. He wouldn't be held forever, though, as he slammed his titanium beaver tail into Tohru's stomach, sending the giant reeling as he slipped out. "Platypus defense!" the thug bragged. He looked at Tohru with renewed appreciation. "Perhaps you are a worthy challenger after all. Very well, then. Let the true fight begin!"
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Jackie couldn't remember Uncle ever beating him to the top of a staircase before, but it appeared that today was a day of firsts. The old man practically dragged the archaeologist the last few steps, throwing him onto the floor. Jackie took several deep heaving breaths, worn out by the exertion, and turned his head to look at Uncle. The old wizard seemed to be alright, but Jackie could see his uncle's chest expand and contract with the force of his breathing, even as his mouth remained tightly shut. In fact, Uncle looked dangerously close to a heart attack. He refused to acknowledge it, though, a glare on his face and his blowfish at the ready.
"No time to waste!" Uncle panted, dragging Jackie off the landing. They were currently about halfway up the castle, having raced up four flights of stairs in a matter of minutes. In front of them lay a cavernous hallway seemingly constructed entirely from asiago and parmesan, decorated only by the occasional mozzarella chandelier. Despite the gloomier atmosphere, there were just as many people here as on the lower floors, all indulging in various pleasures with a vacant, empty look in their eyes. It was clear that Aphrodite's influence had claimed nearly the entirety of their minds, and Uncle shoved them out of the way with the same amount of care he'd use for moving furniture. "Cannot let Agents of Chaos claim power of Aphrodite!"
"Oh, I think you can manage a few seconds," chuckled a familiar, rebellious voice from above. As Jackie and Uncle looked up in shock, they were forced to dive out of the way as one of the chandeliers crashed where they had been standing. Eris dropped down on shovel-sized hands from its former perch, cartwheeled around them, and bounced into place before the Chans, shaking her hands to return them to normal. "A little bit of fooling about keeps one from going up the spout, as they say!"
"Who...who says that?!" Uncle wheezed, his blowfish glowing. He fired a shot and Eris skidded back a foot, but otherwise showed no sign of damage, laughing in their faces.
"Sorry, Gramps," Eris chuckled, leaning back on her hands to kangaroo kick the chi wizard. Jackie had to grab Uncle's leg to keep him from falling back down the stairs. "Guess I'm a little too spry for you!"
Uncle seethed and swung back into the corridor, aiming a kick at the goddess's face, but she sidestepped it and left him off-balance, following up with a karate chop to the neck. However, Jackie managed to jump in front of the blow, blocking Eris's hand with the side of his arm. He winced in pain as the hit landed, already feeling his shoulder dislocate. She's much stronger now!, he thought as he slammed his shoulder into the wall, fixing it as best he could.
The Goddess of Discord yawned in mock boredom as the two advanced on her. "Yeah...not in the mood for this. Phobos planet power, make up!" she cried, holding up a small purple pen-like object with Greek letters etched into the surface
As soon as she finished speaking, the Chans were forced to shield their eyes from the massive burst of purple light emanating from Eris's body. When the spots had cleared from their eyes, they were shocked to find Eris back in the same ridiculous outfit from that morning.
"How do you like my transformation pen?" Eris taunted, a wicked grin on her face. "Nothing says chaos like using frivolous amounts of magical power for costume changes!"
"Magic is not a toy!" Uncle screeched, still panting hard. He raised his blowfish again, but Eris just laughed.
"Could you be more of a geezer?" she cackled. "Why not just hitch up your pants all the way to your chest and scream at kids to get off your lawn? Whatever," she continued with a shake of the head, "I don't need to trouble myself with you two anymore. Take this! Visions on Black Wings!" She raised both hands, and a wave of heavy air filled with crow feathers passed over both of the Chans.
Jackie gritted his teeth as his surroundings melted away. The visage of Eris became the draconic demon of his nightmares, hissing and licking his lips. This time, though, Jackie didn't hesitate. Rather than attack or retreat, he stood defiantly, glaring at Shendu.
"So confident, Chan?" the demon hissed, a wicked smile on his inhuman face.
"Why should I fight?" Jackie shot back, his voice wavering only slightly. "You're not real."
"Real enough!" Shendu roared. He reared back, claws clenched into fist, and took a deep breath, expelling a huge jet of flame. Jackie closed his eyes, but stood his ground. Heat passed around him, but didn't burn, and he calmly walked forward. "Stand down, Chan!" the demon howled, his voice growing louder. "I am your worst fear! The vision that haunts your nightmares! You cannot ignore me!"
Jackie, eyes now open, gave the demon a smirk as he kept walking. Shendu swept his claws, but they never seemed to hit their target. Jackie just passed through the wicked dragon like he wasn't even there. "I don't need to ignore you," he called over his shoulder. "But I know which battles need to be fought. And you are not one of them."
Shendu let out one last pitiful, enraged wail that echoed through the corridors, and suddenly the scene returned to reality. Eris stared at Jackie in shock and more than a little respect as he advanced on her.
"Wow, I'm actually impressed," she said. "I figured that'd take you at least another two or three times before you got through that."
"You should never underestimate the power of the human spirit," Jackie said calmly. "You made that mistake a long time ago, remember? Try to blind us all you like, but my uncle and I will always be able to penetrate your lies!"
At that, Eris started to chuckle. "Half credit there, Chan. You might've broken free, but the old-timer over there? Not so much."
Jackie's head swung back so quickly that he almost suffered whiplash. True to Eris's words, the old chi wizard was slumped over, a panicked look in his eyes as he stood in a silent scream.
"Uncle?" Jackie cried, diving back to his relative's side. He gently slapped the old man in the face, but Uncle's expression didn't change. Jackie snapped his fingers, shook the old man, even yelled into his ear, but Uncle didn't react.
"Wow, he's in deep," Eris snickered, popping off her chin to stroke it. "I'm better than I thought! And now that he can't fight back…"
The Goddess of Discord raised a hand and conjured a ball of swirling energy, tossing it directly ahead. Jackie pulled his Uncle out of the way, but the chi-o-matic clattered to the floor. Eris's arm reached out, stretching like rubber as she moved to snatch the device. Jackie stomped on her hand, and she snarled in pain, lashing her arm out to wrap around him. Jackie managed to duck under the constricting coils and, grabbing the chi-o-matic, rolled over to Uncle's side. However, before he could get the old wizard to safety, another ball of energy emerged from Eris's still extended arm, all while the goddess in question cackled madly. Jackie sprung up and dodged that, too, moving backwards as he did, avoiding projectile after projectile as the walls began to bubble and melt.
Finally, the goddess smiled and lunged at the Chans. Jackie tried to leap out of the way, but couldn't seem to move his feet properly. Looking down, he could see why. The molten cheese behind him had reached the floor and congealed around his feet, pinning him to the spot. Eris grabbed Jackie by the neck and swelled her hand to the size of a bowling ball, throwing her weight into the punch, and Jackie tried to pull himself and Uncle down. Eris anticipated this, though, and aimed a kick at the same time. Just before she could connect, though, she was tackled aside by a very familiar man in a stylish dark coat.
"Captain Black?" Jackie exclaimed, smiling at his rescuer. Indeed, it was the leader of Section 13, breathing heavily from the run he'd had to have taken to get up there, but looking determined as ever. He pulled hard and freed his feet from the cheese, joining the captain in piling on Eris's back. "How did you find us?"
"You're joking, right?" Captain Black asked incredulously. "A candy castle on the west side of San Francisco is pretty hard to miss. Sorry it took me so long; I had to run here straight from Fisherman's Wharf."
"Good thing you weren't spending Valentine's Day at the office again," Jackie said with a smirk. He grabbed Uncle and pushed the old man further down the hall, then stood by Captain Black as they put up their fists. Eris smiled and stretched-literally, bringing her arms and legs to twice their length and sweeping her left leg beneath the two. Jackie and Captain Black jumped and delivered twin flying kicks to the goddess's face, then moved into a roll, jamming their elbows and knees into her. Eris countered by wrapping her limbs around them, squeezing tight. As the coils tightened, her arms transformed into giant centipedes, their many spindly limbs digging into the pair's bodies.
"Agh! What is with you and tying people up?!" Captain Black shouted, trying in vain to free his arms from the painful clutch of the massive insects.
"You should see what I do in the bedroom!" the Goddess of Chaos said cheerfully. "In fact, let me show you one of my other favorite tricks!" With that, she opened her mouth wide and vomited cockroaches onto both of them, encasing them in the disgusting insects. The duo tried to scrape the bugs from their faces, but with their arms pinned to their sides by Eris's transformed limbs, all they could do was furiously shake their heads to try to dislodge them. The centipedes clacked their mandibles as the goddess drew in closer, a sick grin on her face.
"Got...to...move…" Captain Black muttered. With all his might, he took a step back, then another. Jackie mimicked his movements, slowly dragging Eris with them. They pulled themselves around a door frame into a wide ballroom with a muenster floor, one crowded with brainwashed partiers, and pulled hard at the corner, forcing the centipedes off of themselves. Moving in tandem, the duo scraped off as many roaches as they could.
"So disgusting!" the captain said, cringing as he brushed the bugs off of his arms. Jackie silently agreed as he threw them off by the handful.
"Don't talk about my babies that way!" Eris snarled. She charged into the room with her head down, an extra pair of fists growing from her scalp. Jackie lured her aside and toward a wall, but she turned and elbowed him in the ribs, screaming as she threw herself at him. He rolled away, but she kept up the chase before she suddenly felt herself hit by a mob of bodies. The locals had stepped in, looking furious and insane.
"You corrupt this sacred space with vermin?" one of them, a plus-sized woman in a flowered muumuu yelled. She stomped on a cockroach and gave the goddess a furious snarl.
"This is a place of love, beauty, expression, and perfection!" sneered a muscular black man in a tuxedo.
"Not with her outfit," Eris grumbled, pointing a thumb at the muumuu.
The crowd moved like insects themselves, a wave of destruction that threw themselves at Eris, who swatted and struck at as many as she could, sending them flying across the room. Captain Black pulled Jackie away from the mob, but Jackie shook him off. "Those people could get hurt!" he cried, trying in vain to pull away a chubby teenage boy dressed entirely in black leather and silver jewelry.
"They seem like they can take care of themselves!" Captain Black argued, even as Eris tossed them over her head one by one, her centipedes replaced with arms bulging with muscles that would make bodybuilders jealous. She punched and kicked through them, but the sheer numbers were having a clear effect on her, and the crowd fought to kill both her and the roaches.
"You're a tenacious bunch, aren't you?" the Goddess of Discord sneered, elbowing her way through the group. "Well, if you want a piece of me that bad, then I guess I'll have to show off a little!"
Reaching into her cleavage, Eris removed a second small pen-shaped device, this one colored a bright red. As she brandished it aloft, she was immediately engulfed in a bright flash of red light, forcing everyone in the room to shield their eyes. When the light faded, Eris stood transformed...into what looked like the exact same outfit as before, only now it was colored red.
"Woo, good thing I put the time compression enchantment in there!" Eris laughed, tucking the pen away as she spun and repelled attackers. "Pretty sure that transformation sequence took like two minutes from my perspective."
"What is she talking ab-actually, never mind, I don't want to know," Captain Black sighed. "Come on, let's just get out of here before she does something else!"
"Too late for that, cueball!" Eris sneered, striking a pose. "It's time to give a little Deimos-tration of the powers of terror!"
Jackie and Captain Black inched toward the door, but as they did the entire room's lighting grew dim. The windows, crafted from multicolored jellied candy, shattered around them and water began to pour in. Within seconds, everyone's feet were underwater, and it didn't stop there. The crowd roared in panic as it reached their knees, desperately trying to reach the exit, but found it blocked by an enormous great white shark that thrashed in the water in front of it, occasionally leaping out just to show its teeth.
"Remember, it's not real!" Jackie yelled, but only Captain Black and Eris seemed to hear him. Jackie focused and, along with Captain Black, started inching towards the doorway. However, despite his mental clarity, he found the water continuing to hamper his footsteps.
"Sorry, but different powers have different rules!" the Goddess of Discord laughed, leering at Jackie. "You can't dispel the terror of an entire room with a little positive thinking!"
"Oh child, you should never underestimate the power of love."
The calm, measured voice, like a prayer laced with church bells and birdsong, rang through the room as the ceiling split asunder, leaving room for an ornate staircase made entirely out of white chocolate to descend through the opening. And striding down it with divine confidence was the very woman from all the portraits and sculptures downstairs, one who couldn't possibly be anyone else but the host of Aphrodite's powers. She was an elegant ageless woman with skin like polished black marble and thick braids colored every shade of the rainbow. Her soulful brown eyes glistened, and her soft pink robe did nothing to hide the incredible definition of her body. She was the most beautiful thing that most people in the room had ever seen, and she strode through the water completely unhindered.
"Ugh, so cliche. You really think a few kisses and hugs can overpower me?" Eris snarled, her feet turning into ducks as she raced around the water. "I've gained the power of Ares...deep down," she added under her breath. "You can't conquer me!"
The woman let out a melodious titter. The entire room seemed to lighten around her, and the crowd started to join in. "Silly girl," she said. "Love doesn't dominate; it cultivates. Every time my love spreads to another, its power multiplies. And no challenge is insurmountable with love!"
"You sound like a Hallmark movie!" Eris scoffed. "And what do you mean 'love'? I recognize the magic you used to build this place! You're just riding on Hedone's coattails, you poser!"
"Hedone?" Jackie asked, his tone confused.
"The goddess of pleasure," Captain Black elaborated. "Hestia explained it before I ran over here. She can conjure up anything that provides pleasure; wealth, comfort, and in the case of this palace, food," he continued, gesturing at the castle around them.
"Then once they give into their pleasures, you hit them with Aphrodite's love mojo and take over their brains," Eris added, shaking her head. "You're making a two-step process out of what real goddesses can do naturally, and that's two too many!"
"A good loving relationship requires give and take," the woman replied calmly. "I give them happiness, and take their loyalty. What I do is completely natural. Besides, it's not like my granddaughter was making use of her power anymore."
At that, Eris stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes zeroing in on the woman's face. "I'm sorry, what was that?" she asked. Her voice was deadly quiet.
"You heard me, Eris. Do you not recognize your dear auntie Aphrodite?" the woman said, her voice sickeningly sweet. "With this woman's help, I have been truly reborn into this flesh! The Goddess of Love lives again!"
"...No," Eris said, simply. "No you haven't."
"Oh, do you doubt-?"
"Shut up," Eris interrupted, her tone so ice cold that the entire crowd shivered. "You think I don't see what's going on here? You're not Aphrodite; you're some sad pathetic divorcee who got a taste of divine power and turned into a deranged mess. Those memories and feelings you have bouncing around in your head right now? That's not the sign of a past life, that's just the last bit of Aphrodite's personality mixed with your own delusional fantasy. So, Ms. Arielle, if you would kindly hand over the power that rightfully belongs to me, I might let you go on with your sad, pathetic existence for the next few months instead of tearing you to pieces and using them to decorate my living room!"
For a few seconds, no one spoke. Everyone, even Jackie and Captain Black, just stared at Eris in pure wonder at this astute observation. She looked around and shrugged. "What? Manipulating people's fears has given me some psychology lessons."
Even the newly identified Arielle looked taken aback, pressing a hand to her chest. "How...how do you know that name?" she squawked, her voice losing some of its divine luster.
"Gee, I don't know, maybe it's because I can see your name tag on your dress, you idiot!" Eris snapped. Indeed, pinned on her dress was a white plastic rectangle, with the word "ARIELLE" on it in bold black font. However, given that said tag was positioned just below her right breast, it was hardly a wonder that no one had noticed it before.
Arielle's smile faltered even further at that, but she quickly regained her smug, fake-loving expression. "I should have known that you could never have a place in my - or any - utopia, my dear. And those who would disrupt my new world, those who are beautiful neither inside nor out, must learn their place!"
"Oh, please," Eris snorted. "The power of Aphrodite isn't exactly suited for direct combat, while I'm bringing out the heavy artillery!" She zoomed around the room on her ducks, which quacked and hissed, taking flight and shooting directly at the cult leader. She swung out her leg, striking the priestess in the side with a live duck that quacked in protest. Arielle was knocked aside, nearly falling off her grand staircase, but her snide expression didn't falter.
"I still have a few tricks," Arielle shot back. She lifted her hands and conjured a long licorice whip, snapping it around Eris's legs and swinging her around. Eris was launched at a wall, and peeled off of it like a Band-Aid, splashing into the nonexistent water. As she did, the liquid finally faded away entirely, the crowd resuming their fury. They cut off Eris's escape, and Arielle advanced, her licorice whip transforming into a mace made from a spherical lollipop studded with spikes. She swung it down, but Eris rolled out of the way and struck Arielle with an uppercut that actually knocked her up through the ceiling, which crumbled like shortbread. Eris took flight after her, leaving the crowd with Jackie and Captain Black.
Jackie and the captain backed away slowly, but the mob didn't seem to care about them. Reinvigorated by the appearance of their goddess, they went back to dancing, singing, and groping each other as Jackie and Captain Black slipped back out the doorway.
"Ugh, I haven't seen this much free love since Woodstock," Captain Black commented, prompting an odd look from Jackie. He then clarified, "Videos of Woodstock. Had a major 60's phase a couple years back."
"I was wondering," Jackie chuckled, only to gasp as a realization came over him. "Uncle!" he cried, rushing over to where he had last seen the old wizard. Thankfully, Uncle was still standing there unharmed; unfortunately, he was also still catatonic, presumably lost in the vision Eris had inflicted on him. Shaking his head, Jackie hoisted the old man onto his shoulders and turned to Captain Black. "We need a chance to regroup. Is the ground floor still clear?"
"As of five minutes ago, yes," Captain Black answered. "As long as you don't count the giant upturned pot of fondue in the middle of the room. By the time I'd gotten to the stairs, there were already people...repurposing it. Carnally, to be specific."
"Thank you for the unnecessary clarification," Jackie sighed. "Well, at least the Agents seem to have run off rather than come to assist Eris. Anyway, we need to get moving."
"Right," Captain Black agreed. However, as the two raced over to the stairs, Jackie bit his lip in worry. The lack of Hak Foo's presence was troubling to him, and for once he thought Jade might actually be safer with him than at school.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
"We can't just keep running!" Simone huffed as she tried to keep up with Jade. Rachel was even further behind, clutching her sides. Every time she came close to stopping, some new cultist came out to grab her. Thankfully she still had the energy to kick them away, but it was clear she was fading fast.
"I'm open to suggestions!" Jade snapped back, idly slamming her elbow into a cultist's stomach.
"What...about...the exit?" Rachel gasped, staggering up to Simone's side. "And there better be...a good reason!"
"Because Drew's after us specifically!" Jade pointed out. "If we go, the cultists will follow us, and I'm not inflicting those fashion rejects on the city!"
"She's right!" Simone agreed. "We need to contain them somehow! We'll never stay out of Drew's clutches otherwise!"
"I hate that you're right," Rachel groaned as she stumbled over to the nearest pair of doors and stopped to catch her breath. As her sides heaved, she peeked through the glass. Cocking her head, she turned to the other two. "Hey, guys, this looks pretty empty!"
"What, as in to hide? That'd work for like five minutes then we'd be back at square one!" Jade replied, jogging back over to Rachel's side. She was looking into the library, and, indeed, it seemed pretty stark of Drew's minions.
The sophomore shook her head. "No, for something else. Think these doors have those built-in door stoppers?"
"They do," Simone said, pointing to the bottom of the door. "Why?"
"I'll tell you once I'm breathing properly. Come on!"
The three girls raced into the library, moving as quietly as they could. Along the way, it was hard not to notice all the changes: pots of colorful bouquets and leafy shrubs stood all over the floors, while acrylic paintings of landscapes and bowls of fruit lined the walls. In the corners were marble angels, and on every desk was a glass centerpiece of a dove.
"Are...are these all what I think they are?" Simone muttered, looking around the room. "This is awful!"
"Tch, I know," Jade replied. "This cutesy homemaker design, it's like an old lady did it!"
"How are they going to cover this up?" Rachel asked, turning to Jade. "Do you people just go around zapping people's memories away?"
"We would, but Barry Sonnenfeld has the rights," Jade snarked, before sighing. "Look, for whatever reason, magic tends to mess with people's heads. Unless they're really involved, most of them will just brush it off and rationalize it. That's what happened with the Titanic."
"...what has happened to my life that I'm not even doubting you right now?" Rachel moaned, shaking her head. "If we live through this, you're telling that story."
"Why do you think it's so empty in here, though?" Simone asked, staring around at the empty rows of shelves.
"Because everyone who'd be here is either looking for us or decking the halls," Jade answered, collapsing into a chair. "Not complaining though; it's good to have a break. So, Rachel, you had a plan?"
Rachel nodded. "First thing's first; Simone, we need to grab some chairs, maybe some other heavy stuff. Jade, get the toner out of the copy machine in the back."
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
"Kerkops swings from branches!" Hak Foo screamed, jumping to seize the basketball hoop and launching himself forward, legs out, to land on Tohru's shoulders. "Crane stands on mountaintop! Monkey plucks two peaches!"
The thug shoved his fingers down, right at Tohru's eyes, reminding the giant of their very first meeting. This time, though, Tohru rolled forward with fantastic agility as he held Hak Foo's legs. He would've flattened the thug had he not been made of various metals. Instead, Tohru popped back to his feet and shoved the thug back into the hoop, his arms bound tight to his sides.
Hak Foo growled and flexed his arms, breaking out on the spot. "Butterfly bursts from cocoon!" he shouted, latching onto Tohru's head. "Lobster crushes sea snail!"
Tohru slammed his back into a wall and broke free, seizing a table that in a few hours would be loaded with food and drink. He hefted it up and brought it down on Hak Foo's head, breaking it to pieces. Hak Foo just smirked back, though, and brushed off the dust. "Antaeus heals his wounds," the thug laughed.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
"Can't believe I volunteered for this," Jade grumbled under her breath as she spread black powdered ink over the many portraits and statues in the corridor. Her hands were also caked in the stuff, causing her to leave ugly fingerprints everywhere she went. Clearing her throat, she raised her voice to ensure it would carry. "You call this decorating!" she screamed. "Do yourself a favor, avoid party planning!"
As she raced down the hall, leaving her marks, the cultists emerged from their rooms, chasing her down. She bounded on her one shoe, leading them in the planned pattern, making sure she could always keep moving as more and more of them charged. As hundreds of them formed in all directions, she leapt up, bouncing across their heads, continuing down the hall to the wide-open library door. She launched herself from the angry mob and hit the ground running, scrambling up onto a table and then flinging herself on top of a bookshelf. "Nyah, nyah!" she teased, dancing atop the dusty shelf.
As the cultists poured in, Simone and Rachel emerged from different doors, setting their barricades in place. Chairs and tables blocked the doors inside and out, all escaping the notice of Drew's insane and strangely-dressed minions. The two reunited at the door Jade had used to enter, now the only exit, and gave each other a silent nod.
Jade hopped from shelf to shelf as the cultists chased her, rubbing her side. Even by her normal standards, she'd done a lot of running today. Even as she slowed down, though, she noticed the cultists falling behind as she leapt across a shelf of biographies. In fact, the cultists had noticeably been lagging in every nonfiction aisle she'd run through.
Wait, that's it! she thought as she hopped from shelf to shelf. That's how to take down Drew! Now I just need to get out of here without drawing them through the YA section…
At that unfortunate moment, Jade's un-shoed foot slipped out from under her, and she tumbled off the shelf and into the brainwashed Mr. Grady's arms. She kicked and thrashed, but more people swarmed around her. "Man, and I thought detention was bad!" she huffed.
From behind, Rachel clubbed the teacher with an encyclopedia, and he reeled and dropped Jade, spinning on his heel at the new challenger. "Run for it, Jade!" she screamed, pointing to the exit.
Jade didn't need to be told twice, quickly weaving her way through the angry mob to make it to the doors. Turning back, she saw Mr. Grady flat on the floor, a black eye swelling from where Rachel had hit him a second time, and the rest of the cult closing in on the sophomore.
Turning to Jade and Simone, still brandishing her encyclopedia, she said, "What're you waiting for? Lock the doors and get out!"
"But-" Simone began, only for Rachel to interrupt.
"It's fine! You two know karate, after all!" she quipped, slamming her improvised weapon into a cultist's stomach. "Now go!"
"It's kung fu, and don't be stupid!" Jade snapped. "Jimmy already did this bit!"
Jade was more than ready to charge back at the cultists, but Simone seized her by her hoodie and yanked her away. "We can't help her now!" she snapped, her hair flying behind her as she made for the door, dragging Jade along. "If we stop to help, we'll ruin her entire plan!"
Jade huffed, but matched Simone's pace as they flew through the doorway, shoving a marble obelisk through the handle just in time to trap Drew's obnoxious followers. The cultists beat at the door, screaming threats and bribes, but the two girls just kept their backs to the door and slumped down.
Simone patted Jade on the shoulder, blushing a little at the contact. "It's okay," she reassured. "Her sacrifice saved us."
Jade snorted and shoved Simone's hand away. "Tch, I've been through worse," she said, though she looked wistfully over her shoulder. "They won't hurt her. Just turn her into a potted plant or something," she continued, a bitter note to her words. "She'll go back to normal when it's over, and not remember anything."
Simone's eyes widened in realization. "That's what you're worried about," she said quietly. "That she'll forget everything that happened today."
"I'm not exactly a social butterfly, okay?" Jade snapped, burying her face in her knees. "You and Jimmy are like my only two friends in this place; no one else really knows I exist. And Drew's been leading the class in laughing at me since I told him about the day I arrived in America. It's just nice having someone else who believes me and doesn't completely freak out - or who isn't secretly a demon. Man, that was an ugly week."
"What, are the two of us not enough?" Simone asked jokingly. However, there was a clear tone of hurt underlying the jab.
"I didn't say that!" Jade argued, lifting her head and looking Simone in the eyes. "You and Jimmy are absolutely amazing people; you're honestly the only two reasons why I put up with any of this! I think I'd be perfectly happy spending all my time fighting demons and freaks, but then you call and it's like, you make me actually want to be a normal teenager for a bit. To worry about homework or gossip about who's with who or go to a stupid Valentine's dance that I wouldn't be caught dead at otherwise. It's just...it'd be nice to have more than two reasons to care."
At that, Simone's gaze softened, and she put her hand back on Jade's shoulder. This time, the pint-sized adventure junkie didn't brush it off. "I get it, Jade. Really, I do. And if your friend weren't risking his life in the gym every second we sit here talking, I'd get into an open and frank discussion that completely validates your feelings, assuages your fears, and leads to a heartwarming moment, but since time is of the essence, I'm going to give you one line and then start hugging you. I can't guarantee that Rachel will remember everything after we save the day. But I can guarantee that if you still want to talk to her, I'll be right there with you explaining what happened today. You've done the normal teenage stuff for me, I can do the strange-but-true magic story stuff for you. Now, you want to bring it in?"
Jade nodded and wrapped her arms around Simone, who reciprocated, then immediately broke it up.
"Alright, so what's the plan?" Simone asked brightly. "And do we actually have a plan?"
"Starting to," Jade said with a smirk. "We just gotta stop Drew from doing something stupid-which I don't think I've ever done, but this is the first time it's my problem. And I think his groupies back there gave me something I can work with."
"Okay, I like the sound of that!" Simone cheered, helping Jade to her feet. "So, where are we headed?"
Jade gave a sly smile. "To the place where love means nothing."
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
A break from the chaos mid-adventure was a rare blessing for the Chans, usually a time when they might devise a magical assist to win the day - unfortunately, that was rather difficult with Uncle completely unresponsive. Captain Black did all he could, slapping and yelling at the old wizard in a desperate bid to awaken him from whatever horror he was experiencing, but Uncle gave no reaction whatsoever.
"Come on, old man!" he grumbled, grabbing Uncle by the cheeks and giving him a rough shake. "If you don't wake up, we're sunk! You're the only one who can drain that essence!"
Jackie, slumped over by a wall and panting from their escape, finally caught his breath. "Let me," he said, not even moving. He cleared his throat, then, in a perfectly normal volume, announced, "Uncle, the tea is ready!"
Uncle snapped to attention immediately. "Bring it to Uncle right away!" he ordered, before looking around. He scowled and whacked Jackie with two fingers. "Do not lie about Uncle's tea!"
"Wow, that actually worked," Captain Black muttered as he looked around the room. "Before you break Jackie's skull open, there's a vat of what smells like jasmine tea not ten feet away."
"That's a hot tub," Jackie pointed out, staring at the bubbling cauldron full of blissed-out cultists in the next room. "I would not suggest drinking from it."
"Tea not important!" Uncle snapped, giving Jackie and Captain Black simultaneous strikes to the forehead. "Must find power of Aphrodite and protect from magic burping lady!" Furious, the old wizard stomped over to the jasmine jacuzzi and seized a young latina in a paisley bikini by her long ponytail. "You! Take us to high priestess! Now!"
The woman let out a shriek and tried to pull Uncle into the tub, and was quickly joined by the rest of the tub's zealots. Jackie and Captain Black grabbed Uncle and managed to free him from the cultists' grip and drag him away, slamming the door behind them and shoving a salami through the door handle.
"What are you doing?" the old man demanded, striking Jackie again. "She was our way in!"
Jackie frowned, and for once retaliated to his uncle's strike. He seized Uncle by the arms and locked them tight to his side, pushing him up against a wall. "That is it!" he declared. "Uncle, you have been acting strange all day! What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing!" Uncle shouted back. "Nothing is wrong with Uncle! He is just doing what Uncle does best!"
Jackie shook his head and held his uncle tighter. "You have been even more irritable than usual today, and more impulsive and violent than I have ever seen you! And all of this started when Eris showed you something this morning! What was it?"
"Vision not important!" Uncle screamed, his face turning bright pink.
"Vision very important!" Captain Black argued. He cleared his throat and quieted down. "I, I mean it sure sounds important. What was it?"
Jackie nodded to his friend. "Uncle, please. We want to help. Whatever this was has troubled you. Please, for me, tell me what she showed you."
Uncle was quiet for a moment as he stared back at his nephew. Tears formed in the corner of his eyes as he slumped his head. "She...she showed Uncle his worst fear of all," he confessed. "A fear Uncle didn't even know he had…"
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Earlier that day…
As soon as Eris had gestured at him, Uncle had found himself blinded by a bright flash of light. Before his vision could fully clear, he grunted as a hand grabbed him by the wrist. He struggled to free himself, but found himself unable to break from the grip that now led him roughly through a strange hallway. He'd never seen it before, but it was remarkably clean, with blue carpets, beige walls, and portraits of landscapes.
"You're making the right decision, Mr. Chan," said the voice. Uncle turned to the source, a rather muscular young man with a buzz cut, probably in his early thirties, dressed in blue scrubs. Was this a hospital? Uncle didn't think hospitals were usually carpeted. "From what you said, your uncle is in need of help."
"W-where is Uncle?" Uncle asked, staring at the man. He tried to yank his wrist free, but the man had an iron grip. "Who are you?"
"He's been like this for a while now," sighed a familiar voice beside him. Marching just behind were Jackie and a confused-looking Jade. "I just don't understand how it happened."
"Jackie!" Uncle demanded. "Where are we? What is Uncle doing here! We must protect divine essences!"
Jackie turned to him, looking distressed. "Uncle, this is Shady Springs. Remember? I said you were coming here today?" He looked back to the orderly. People were emerging from their rooms to see the source of the ruckus. Most of them were very old, and all of them looked very confused. Jackie turned back to the man. "He has been talking nonsense for days. Yesterday I found him throwing duck feet into a pot of detergent, saying he was preparing a spell."
"Uncle did no such thing!" Uncle snapped. He tried to swat Jackie on the forehead, but Jackie sidestepped it. "Why is Uncle at a spa? Jade, tell Jackie that we must protect power of Aphrodite!"
Jade stared back at Uncle in silence. From the look on her face, you would think that she barely knew him.
"Dementia is a terrible thing," the orderly replied, shaking his head. "But he'll be safe here."
The man turned and led Uncle into an empty, rather small room. It had a bed, an armchair, a tv, and a desk, but very little else. He sat Uncle on the bed rather roughly.
"I hate to do this," Jackie said, "but the timing couldn't have been worse. My niece just arrived to stay with me for a year, and I cannot take care of them both. Besides, he frightens her, and he's been irrationally violent."
Uncle stared back at Jackie and Jade, both of them looking scared, sad, and defeated. It finally hit him just what this place was. "AI-YAH!" he screamed, pushing himself off of the bed. "YOU PUT UNCLE IN A HOME!"
"Uncle, please!" Jackie pleaded. "It is for the best! Do not worry, I can take care of the shop. But I need you safe!" He paused for a minute, before sadly adding, "Safe from yourself."
"Uncle is safe!" Uncle protested. "Uncle is not senile!"
Jackie looked back, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "Uncle, what is your name? Your real name?"
Uncle glared back at Jackie, nearly boring a hole through his head in anger. "You insult Uncle! Uncle knows his own name! It is…"
Suddenly he paused. He should know this. He had to know this! It was on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn't place it. All the while Jackie, Jade, and the orderly stared back at him expectantly.
The orderly gave a sad nod. "This is a very troubling case," he said to Jackie. "Don't worry, though. He'll be very safe here."
"I'm sorry, Uncle," Jackie said, his voice set despite the desperation in his eyes. "But this is the way it has to be."
Uncle growled and threw himself at Jackie, ready to throttle him, but the orderly body-slammed him and pinned him to the bed. "Code green!" he shouted into a walkie-talkie as Uncle struggled to escape him. "Room 22!"
Uncle grunted and screamed idle threats as he tried to elbow and kick his way out, but the man held firm. Jackie stared back, tears rolling down his cheeks, and Jade hid behind him. Jackie could merely shake his head at the sight. "We will come and visit you soon, Uncle," he said, barely able to keep from crying. "Try to settle in."
Two more muscular young men burst into the room, grabbing Uncle and forcing him down. One shoved a couple of pills in his mouth, then patted his throat and forced Uncle to swallow. "We'll take it from here, Mr. Chan," the first orderly said as Uncle found his vision starting to blur. Jackie gave one more sad look as he led Jade out of the room. He closed the door with a level of finality that Uncle felt certain meant that he'd never see his nephew again.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Jackie and Captain Black stared at Uncle in horror, tears streaming down the old man's face as he refused to meet Jackie's eyes. "From there, Uncle just sits in chair and watches TV. Uncle tries to call you, but you do not answer. Tohru never picks up, either. When Uncle mentions him, nobody knows who Tohru is. Second vision picked up there; Uncle waits and waits, but no one visits. Uncle is left alone to do nothing but eat porridge, try to assemble jigsaw puzzles, and stare out window. Nobody makes conversation, nobody provides Uncle with books, and Uncle can never leave, no matter how much he asks. Only hours turning into days, and days into weeks."
"That's...really, really dark," Captain Black admitted, shaking his head. "I can see why that shook you up."
"Uncle will not be useless burden!" the chi wizard shouted, shaking the snot from his beakish nose. "Uncle's mind is still sharp! Cannot go to...to such a place…"
Jackie sighed and released his hold on his uncle, who drooped down into an awkward kneel on the floor. "Uncle, I...I had no idea you had these feelings…"
Uncle sniffled. "Neither did Uncle."
Jackie offered a hand and pulled his uncle to his feet, looking him dead in the eye with a very serious expression. "Uncle, I owe you everything," he stated simply. "You did more to raise me than my own parents. You taught me, trained me, made me the man that I am today, and for that I can never repay you. I love you, and will always do what is best for you."
"And what if…" Uncle choked a sob as he tried to stop his tears. "What if Uncle loses his mind? Uncle is old. Uncle knows this. What if Uncle becomes a burden? Don't you understand? Uncle is already getting old! If Uncle were sharper, Eris may never have escaped!"
Captain Black glared at Uncle for this. "What are you talking about? The urn broke when everyone fought over it!"
"If anything, it is my fault for bringing it back from the shrine!" Jackie declared.
Uncle shook his head, his tears still flowing down his cheeks. He buried his face in Jackie's shirt and blew his nose. "But Uncle should have sensed the ambush!" the old man said, his voice slightly muffled from within Jackie's chest. "When future Agents of Chaos attacked Jackie at the museum, Uncle should have known! But Uncle...Uncle never got the willies! He hasn't had them in over a year! Has Jackie not noticed? Uncle is losing his touch!"
Jackie grabbed Uncle by his chin and forced the old man to look him in the eye. "Uncle," he said, his voice deadly serious. "I cannot say for certain what the future holds, but I promise you this: I will never give up on you. If you become senile, I may indeed have to make arrangements for you-"
Uncle gasped and swatted Jackie again. Jackie winced, but kept talking.
"-but I would never, ever abandon you! I will keep visiting you for the rest of your life. This, I promise. I will make sure you are as well-cared for as you were with me when I was a boy. And Jade and Tohru will be there for you, too. We love you, and we would never remove you from our lives like that. No force in this or any other world, not magic, not demons, not gods, nor even the passage of time, could ever make us stop loving you."
Uncle paused as the weight of the words settled onto his bony shoulders before he wrapped his arms around Jackie and embraced him as tightly as he could, his tears finally starting to ebb. "R-really?" He moved to blow his nose in Jackie's shirt one more time, wiping his tears as he did.
"Jackie's right, Uncle," Captain Black added as Jackie patted his uncle on the back. "Besides, you are useful, and right now, we need you! That essence isn't gonna drain itself!"
Uncle snorted one last time and pulled himself together, holding up the chi-o-matic. "Right. We must hurry!"
The old man thought for just a moment as he turned back to his nephew. "Jackie, we have been to two places today, so Uncle needs to hear that that is chocolate stain on your shirt."
"Of course, Uncle," Jackie chuckled. As soon as Uncle looked away, though, he quickly sniffed his shirt and gave a sigh of relief. Turning to Captain Black, he said, "We need to come up with a plan before we head back up there. Do you have any ideas?"
"I have one," Captain Black said, nodding. "And it's funny you mention your clothes, because they just might be crucial…"
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MP: I can't see you, but I assume there's not a dry eye in the house.
PA2: Yeah, I certainly had a hard time keeping my composure when we were first writing that scene. I can't speak for everyone, but just personally, this is in my opinion the best-written scene we've done so far.
MP: I'm not the best at details and descriptions (that's mostly PA2 here), but I can really wrench out some raw emotion when I want to.
PA2: Indeed you can! But for now, let's wrench out a preview for the next and final chapter of the Aphrodite Quartet!
MP: How can Tohru defeat a magic-resistant super Hak Foo? Who will win in the catfight between love and chaos? And will you ever again have to suffer through a chapter through an entire chapter without Eris? There'll be love, loss, and lunacy in chapter 17: What's Love Got to Do With It?
PA2: Indeed there will be! But while you're waiting, please take the time to leave us a review! We love hearing your opinions and critiques!
MP: They bring much-needed validation to our pathetic lives!
PA2: Yes they do! Also, please fave and follow if you haven't already! Thank you for reading, and see you all next time!