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Jackie Chan Adventures: Olympian Journey
Chapter 18: Snakes on a Plane (Not That One)
Actions always have consequences. Sometimes they're subtle. Sometimes they take months, or years, or even centuries, but one thing always leads to another. For example, if a volcanic eruption were triggered and redirected off the coast of Japan, it would have a subtle but notable effect on the planet's tectonic plates. It would alter the shifting just a tad, affecting volcanic activity around the world. Not a lot, but some. Enough that one day, months after the aforementioned eruption, Kilauea, the largest of volcanoes on the largest island of Hawaii, would experience a sudden buildup of pressure all its own. Enough to trigger it, just a tiny bit. Enough to melt away a bizarre layer of cherry gelatin near its top that nobody had ever known was there, let alone thought to explore. Enough to pop its top just a little, like a cork from a bottle of champagne, and send its sweet contents flying out onto the beach.
Indeed, this is exactly what occurred. Months after Takagi Shizu's stint with the essence of Hephaestus, her manipulation of Mt. Fuji has manifested in a minor eruption of Kilauea, scattering sweet sugary gelatin across the nearby beach. Its bright red color blended well enough with the lava that no one who saw the eruption even realized what had happened. But there was more than just gelatin thrown from the volcano's mouth.
As it happened, a few minutes after the eruption two surfers, a pair of handsome young Polynesian men, were finishing riding a wave, making their way back to the beach to rest. A few new volcanic rocks had scattered in the sand, but these were so common in their home that they would never be noticed (and if they were, they'd be left alone, as it was very bad luck to take a lava rock from a Hawaiian island). The gelatin had stained the beach red, but the water soon washed it away. But the two men couldn't help but notice a hunk of wood bobbing in the shallows.
Curious, the smaller of the two surfers, a bronzed Hawaiian with a lean swimmer's body, plucked up the strange debris and looked it over.
"Whatcha got there, Luke?" the other surfer, a towering hunk of Samoan muscle, asked as he wandered up to his friend.
"Dunno, Joe," the other man said, looking it over. "Looks like an old doll or something."
Whatever the strange object was, it had seen better days. It was vaguely human in shape, but with a long brown tail and a simian mouth full of sharp teeth, giving it a creepy appearance. It wore green robes with red sashes, both badly stained with what he assumed was blood (but was actually a harmless dessert). One of its hands clutched a simple brown staff. As Luke turned the thing over, he discovered a hole in the back, big enough for his hand. From within, he found he could manipulate the thing's face, raising its eyebrows, moving its eyes, and opening and closing its mouth. "It's a ventriloquist dummy!" he exclaimed, excited about his discovery.
Joe shook his head. "You should burn that thing, brah," he said, wincing at the creepy toy's moving face. "This feels like the start of a horror movie. I'm not gonna be the first victim of the killer doll!"
Luke laughed and shoved the thing into Joe's face, making him cringe. "Ooh, watch out! Monkey man's gonna getcha!" His eyes suddenly flew to a hinged cover above the hole for his hand. Something was inscribed in it. It was a little burnt, but if he looked closely he could make it out…
"To free me of glitches
And put you in stitches,
This merry ape begs
'Pull my leg!'"
"Don't do it, you lolo!" Joe warned, looking panicked. "This feels as kapu as it gets!"
"You're exaggerating," Luke laughed and rolled his eyes, cheerfully reaching out and seizing the puppet's right leg. He gave it a swift yank. Everything went pink as a high-pitched laugh sliced through the surfers.
CRASH! A huge wave suddenly swept over the beach, knocking both men into the sand. Joe coughed and sputtered as he got back up, brushing his bushy hair out of his face. Lanky, muscular Luke looked awful, hunched and drenched in seaweed. Then he noticed a third leg sticking out of the kelp-except it wasn't a leg. It was a tail.
"Wh-what the-?" Joe stammered as the thing across from him shook itself dry, sending the kelp flying in all directions. The creature looked exactly like the puppet, but now it was the size of a man! It stared back at Joe with a mischievous twinkle in its eye, curling its lips and baring its teeth in a terrifying grin.
"Mm, smell that sea air!" the stranger laughed in a decidedly obnoxious voice - as if he were ready to mock absolutely anyone and everyone, with no fear of consequences. Before his eyes, the creature spun around and his clothes transformed. Now he was in a crisp white sailor suit and cap, biting a corncob pipe. He closed one eye and jutted out his lower jaw as he flexed his biceps. "Good ta be backs," he grunted, his voice becoming craggly and crass. "Gots some debts ta collects, tits fer tats, if ya believe thats! Ugugug!"
"Who are you?" Joe screamed. His voice cracked, deeply disturbed by the display. "What did you do with Luke?"
The creature turned back, magically back in its old robes. It held up a wooden puppet that was the spitting image of the poor surfer. "He's fine," the monkey man replied, tossing the doll into a stunned Joe's arms. "Just keep him away from termites and open flames. Heck, maybe the Blue Fairy'll cut you a break!"
The creature changed costumes again, his hair turning blonde and full, and his robe transforming into a sparkling blue gown wrapped in gossamer, with big fake insect wings behind him. His staff became a wand tipped with a star, and he gently moved it toward the puppet...before jabbing it in Joe's eye and cackling, switching back to his usual clothes.
Joe screamed and put a hand to his eye. Luckily it wasn't bleeding. "Gimme back my friend!" he ordered, holding up the Luke doll.
The monkey man laughed again and swept his staff across the water. The foam on the surface of the surf transformed into an old-fashioned river steamboat, and the creature leapt on, his costume changing once more to shorts, big shoes, and a tall, poofy hat. Strangest of all, both he and his boat were in black and white. He cheerfully whistled as he sailed away, paying no attention to the sobbing surfer currently clutching the transformed body of his best friend. "Oh me, oh my!" he said in an obnoxious falsetto. "Those Chans won't know what hit 'em! Ho ho!"
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An exhausted Jade zipped up the very last piece of luggage before Tohru lifted the bag and Jade off the ground.
"Thanks, T," Jade sighed, dropping back down and moving to take a seat at the cafeteria table. "Got a hike ahead of us this time."
"Took those monks long enough to reply," Chow snarked as set down everyone's coffee orders. "What kind of place is this that you can't just text?"
"The Ben-Shui order lives a simple lifestyle," Jackie replied with a frown as he took a drink of creamy coffee. "Modern technology distracts from their pursuit of enlightenment. Besides, cell service doesn't work so well in the Himalayas."
"What about magic? Isn't that how you got in touch with Prometheus in the first place?" Tremaine asked, taking a sip from her own mug.
"Again, I gave Jackie my phone number," Prometheus sighed.
"Ben-Shui temple protected by powerful wards," Uncle answered. "Outside magic cannot penetrate, whether light or dark. A letter was the only way."
"At least with a private jet it won't be that much of a walk," Jade grunted. "And hopefully they can help us repair the armor once and for all."
Hestia took a sip of her own coffee, a long, rather inelegant slurp that drew everyone's attention. She swallowed and spoke. "I'm not sure I like reaching out to other pantheons for help with our own," she said slowly. "These cultural exchange programs rarely work out."
"It's our best chance of fighting the Agents of Chaos!" Prometheus barked. "With Eris unlocking more and more essences from Ares, we need all the help we can get! I'm not too proud to beg! Besides, the Armor of the Eight Immortals is their artifact. Unless you want to risk playing around with the power of Hephaestus, it's all we've got!"
Hestia looked thoughtful for a moment, only to blush when Captain Black coughed lightly. A rueful smile on her face, she nodded politely, prompting Prometheus to breathe a sigh of relief.
"Well, that's one crisis averted," he muttered. "So, do you have any plans once you get there?"
The Chans and Tohru looked at each other awkwardly, taking a minute before Jackie spoke.
"Actually, no. We were hoping that the monks might be able to help us contact the Eight Immortals, or someone in the Celestial Bureaucracy, and go from there. We know it's a long shot, but the Ben-Shui order has a strong spiritual presence, and their own sort of chi magic. With some luck…"
"Well, the jet's fueled, and there's no time like the present," Captain Black sighed. "So, here's hoping that you get-"
The Captain's words were cut off as Prometheus elbowed him in the ribs, holding out the ancient amphora, which was in the process of belching out golden mist.
"Ai-yah!" Uncle squawked. "Not now!"
"The gods do not follow our schedules," Tohru sighed.
The golden mist collected and coalesced, then began to change colors, displaying the image of an older, hard-bodied man with a wavy black beard and matching shoulder-length hair. He wore only a loincloth, and carried a three-pronged spear in one hand.
"Poseidon," Prometheus groaned. "Once again, the sea god ruins travel plans! Even beyond the grave, he gets on my nerves!"
"Because he's a god of water?" Ratso asked, slopping a scoop of mashed potatoes on a lunch tray.
"No, because he's an arrogant blowhard who was too busy whining about getting upstaged by his kid brother to do anything but make life miserable for everyone else," Prometheus grumbled. "And yes, his control of the oceans was a nasty source of delays for sailors. And let's not forget how he made a certain traveler ten years late to return home!"
"Well, to play devil's...well, divine's advocate, he did blind Poseidon's son," Hestia pointed out. "And bragged about it."
"Everyone was related to a god back then!" Tremaine argued back. "Besides, he was going to be eaten...you know what, not my fight."
The mist shifted, this time displaying a map of islands to the west of a continent.
"Looks like it's in England," Captain Black pointed out as the map zoomed in on the southern end of the largest island.
"A tad unexpected," Prometheus observed. "But, like Poseidon, it did once control most of the world…"
"And the vessel is…" Jade said, rubbing her hands together as the golden mist shifted again, showing one last image. "Whoa! Check out the bling on that thing!"
Indeed, the image was of a golden carriage, fresh out of a fairy tale. Twice as tall as a man and four times as long, the exterior was made almost entirely of solid gold, sculpted into elegant artworks, even the spokes of the wheels. Atop it were three fat cherubs wielding a crown, scepter, and badge respectively, surrounded by gilded palm leaves. Painted panels decorated the side, as well as an embossed face. Four golden fish-men surrounded it, one on each corner, the front two blowing conch shells. They looked so lifelike, the group could practically hear them trumpeting.
"I know that carriage!" Jackie gasped, his face falling. "That is the gold state coach of the British royal family!"
"Why would the power of Poseidon be in a carriage?" Captain Black asked, shaking his head. "I mean, yeah, it's a really nice one, but-Hestia," he turned his head. "Didn't you say chariots were a symbol of Athena?"
"Yes," Hestia said with a nod. "But Poseidon created horses, and there's a definite ocean theme to the coach."
"How are you gonna get it, though?" Finn asked as he wiped down a table. "It's holed up in Buckingham Palace, right? That place is locked up tight. Guards everywhere."
"Tch, how hard can it be to get past guys who never move?" Jade asked.
Captain Black tussled Jade's hair as the mist faded away. "They move if there's trouble, kiddo. And fast. But does this mean your trip to Bhutan is off?" Uncle and Prometheus gave him simultaneous whacks on his bald head.
"We can't afford to wait any longer to even the playing field here!" Prometheus snapped. "We'll have to do both!"
"Uncle agrees! One team will go and attempt to contact Eight Immortals, and other will stop magic burping lady from stealing sea god's carriage from Queen of England!"
"There's a sentence you don't hear often," Chow muttered.
"On the bright side, you may not have to take the whole thing," Prometheus pointed out. He pulled out his phone and quickly brought up an image of the carriage, expanding it near the back. The two fish-men in the back were carrying three-tipped spears. "I'll bet my bottom drachma that the essence is in one of those tridents. It's Poseidon's most famous symbol."
"Yeah, but do those things even come off?" Jade asked. "I mean, ripping 'em off is definitely easier, but snatching a hood ornament from the Queen? Either way, it could end all 'off with their heads!'"
"We will have to deal with that situation as it comes," Jackie sighed. "For now, we need to get going. Uncle, Tohru, get your supplies. Jade, get your homework-you'll be going with-"
"You, because not bringing the secret agent-in-training on the stealth mission is a stupid idea and you know it," Jade interruped, rolling her eyes.
"Stealth won't help much if you're trying to infiltrate the home of the British monarchy, kid," Captain Black told her. "But tell ya what, I'll keep you company in Bhutan. I liked those monks-they don't make fun of my dome." He patted his head, then blushed as Hestia rubbed it. Then frowned when Ratso did the same.
"So smooth…" the ex-con marveled.
"Ugh, fine," Jade grumbled. "But we better get a 'trial of the spirit', 'test of virtue' deal out of this, instead of just sitting and meditating!"
"Yeah, you don't need prophetic powers to figure that that's going to be coming," Prometheus grumbled.
"Are you coming with us?" Tohru asked, hefting the Armor over his shoulder.
Prometheus burst out laughing. "Me? Going through the Celestial Bureaucracy? I'd rather be back on that mountain with the eagle gnawing on me!" he said. After a few moments, however, he added, "Well, not really. But it'd be a close decision. Besides, they wouldn't take kindly to me. Pantheons don't like to mix. We both take credit for creating the universe, so things get messy."
"How can you both have created the-?" Ratso asked, but Hestia clapped her hand over his mouth.
"Don't think about it, dear," she said. "Your brain will implode."
Jackie cleared his throat, and all eyes went to him. "Uncle and I will try and retrieve the power of Poseidon before things get ugly," he announced. "We just need to find a way to get in and break off part of that coach…"
"I'll do my best to help you with that, but my hopes aren't high," Captain Black told him. "The only option would be the UK's own 'Section 13', but we're not even sure they exist. And even if they did, defacing a national monument and royal property? Magic or no magic, there's no way that's going to fly. Oh, and speaking of flying," the captain continued "more bad news; we only have the one jet available, and we need it to get to such a remote spot as the Ben-Shui Temple. So I'm afraid you and Uncle will have to fly commercial."
Jackie and Uncle shuddered in unison, but the archaeologist said, "Sacrifices must be made for the sake of the world. In the meantime, please try to find a way to make it any easier on us. We need to retrieve that essence before that coach falls into the hands of evil."
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"Revenge waits there in San Francisco!" the Monkey King sang gleefully as he approached the city by the bay, cutting his way through the water on his boat, which had transformed into a speedy catamaran. His outfit had gone back to its usual, and he belted out his tune for all to hear. "Above the blue and windy sea!
When I come home to you, San Francisco,
I'll destroy Jade and Jackie!"
With a laugh, he pounced impossibly high into the air, landing directly in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge and sending cars swerving aside on both sides. He cackled above the horns and swung his staff, conjuring a motorcycle and swerving down the road as drivers stuck their heads out the windows to stare at the spectacle.
"The only question is how I wanna do it!" the simian prankster soliloquized. "Gotta be a spectacle worthy of my name, after all! I could put a face on the moon and launch 'em into its eye! Ooh, or bloat 'em with a bicycle pump and explode 'em into confetti! Yeah, that's good!"
Suddenly, as he reached the top of a hill, the wind shifted, and a familiar scent hung in his nose. The Monkey King skidded to a stop, giving an excited look around. "What the…?" he muttered, a hungry glint in his eyes. "I'd know that scent anywhere! Beautiful mayhem! Could it be?"
He changed course, turning around and speeding off in the other direction. "Babycakes, get ready! We're gonna have more fun than a barrel of me!"
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"Excellent!" Vanessa said, grinning as she watched Eris waddle over to her feet and reattach them to her ankles. The golden mist had, in its usual explosive fashion, blown them off like popped balloons and sent them flying across the factory floor. "My triumphant return to jolly old England! And to rob Buckingham Palace, no less! It's like Christmas came early!"
"Ancient wisdom," Zhixin rasped, emerging from his lotus position. "The peach tree bears many fruits, not just one."
"Once we have the power, we can ransom the coach back to the royal family and make billions," Kasahara breathed, rubbing his flat hands together.
"You won't need it!" Eris sneered back, cackling madly. "Once I control the oceans, we can hold the entire world hostage, and steal every sunken treasure to boot!
"You seem unusually excited by the prospect of lucre," Hak Foo noted, his appearance for once completely normal (Eris was still in the process of creating his new form, and she liked a blank canvas to work from).
"Of course I am! Destroying the world economy is beautiful chaos!" the goddess shot back. A river of drool poured from her mouth, and the Agents each took a step back. "Oh, the things I could do with this power. I could reshape the continents, shake humanity into the sea, and make the entire Mediterranean dance like the Bellagio fountain! Oh, there's absolutely nothing that can ruin this for me!"
As if the universe was determined to prove her wrong, that was when the door suddenly flew off its hinges, slamming into Hak Foo and breaking into splinters on impact. A huge mass of gray filled the door as an elephant squeezed its way in, plumping as it came through the frame like a balloon squeezed through a hole. It let out a trumpet as musical fanfare sounded, and a certain simian slid down its trunk dressed in full Arabian regalia, then immediately switched into a suit and tie, his hair done up in a pompadour and a large conga drum on his chest. "Lucy, I'm home!" he shouted, smiling at Eris.
"...I gotta stop setting it up like that..." Eris muttered, her face quickly settling on an expression of pure disgust. "I just teed it, wrapped it up in a bow, and put up a sign saying 'hey, come ruin this!'"
"Is that…?" Vanessa asked, staring as the anthropomorphic ape quickly transformed back to his usual attire, still staring at Eris. He wrapped his tail around her playfully and pulled her in, but she elbowed him in the ribs and shoved him back.
"No mistaking it," Zhixin answered, glaring at the intruder as he kept trying to press himself against the Goddess of Discord, only to be knocked aside again and again.
"The Monkey King," Kasahara whispered breathlessly, his expression a mixture of avarice and horror. "But who would be so foolish as to free him?"
"The Monkey King?" Hak Foo asked, raising an eyebrow. "You mean the one from Journey to the West?"
"Supposedly," Kasahara confirmed. "A legendary trickster spirit and a skilled warrior, he was somehow sealed into the form of a wooden puppet, only able to be freed by tricking someone else into taking his place."
"That puppet has been a white elephant to every scholar of mystical lore and would-be relic hunter for centuries now," Zhixin growled. "Nothing good ever follows it!"
"I should hope not!" the ape hooted. "But yeah, I've been around the block a lot, and now I'm back in Frisco! Doesn't get more 'west' than that!" He spun again, gaining a cowboy hat and pair of chaps that fit nicely around his tail. His staff transformed into a lasso, and he snagged Eris back to his side. "Now, let's move 'em out! I gots me some revenge to dish out, and I'm hankerin' for some o' that fine chaos you cook up!"
"Ugh, not now, not ever," Eris sneered, kneeing the buffoonish baboon in the groin. He returned to normal and crashed to the floor, but popped right back up.
"Come on, babe," the manic macaque chuckled, shifting into a leather jacket and jeans. "Summer lovin', had me a blast!"
"You two know each other?" Vanessa asked.
"Hey, I wasn't always trapped in a devilishly tempting wooden shell, being passed around by collectors and carnies waiting for someone to set me loose for some fun!" the Monkey King chortled. "Back in the day, I used to raise some serious Diyu, and Eris here was my cohort - and mah boo!" He puffed up his lips and smacked them in a disgusting kissy face.
Eris smacked the Monkey King upside the head. "We had one date!" she roared. "And you wouldn't shut up once the entire time! Do you have any idea how much wind I had to convince Boreas to kick up in that blizzard just to drown out the sound of your voice?"
"Aw, c'mon baby, you know you love me!" the Monkey King begged, getting down on his knees. "And you're gonna hate the people I'm goin' after! A bunch of no-good, obnoxious, los-!"
"The Chans, right?" Eris interrupted bluntly. Immediately, the Monkey King's entire body went grayscale, every strand of his fur standing up with shock.
"How'd you know?" he gasped. "Are you...psychic?" His ears grew long and pointy as his costume shifted to a simple brown robe. "Much wisdom you have, but also much anger. Ruined your fun, too, the Chans have?"
"'Ruined'? Hard-" Eris began, only to stop short. Suddenly, her eyes lit up, as though a lightbulb had manifested behind each socket. "I mean...yes! Oh, my sweet peach-popping primate, it's just been awful! Ever since I escaped that nasty urn, those Chans have been sweeping every little bit of my beautiful chaos under the rug! All this order, it's," she stopped to cough into her hand, "it's killing me! If I don't get rid of those Chans and spread some chaos, and soon, I may just…" she stopped and coughed again, "expire!"
The Goddess of Discord then proceeded to dramatically swoon into the Monkey King's awaiting arms, prompting the anthropomorphic simian to conjure a sachet of smelling salts and hold it under her nose. "There, there, my little exploding cigar," he said, stroking her hair. It immediately tangled again as soon as his fingers were out of it. "I'll get enough revenge for the both of us. You just leave those nasty Chans to me."
"You really think you can handle them?" the Goddess of Discord simpered. "They're so very tenacious. The child alone is nearly as resourceful as I am."
The Monkey King spun again, his costume shifting into a leather jacket and sunglasses, his staff into a shotgun. "I'll terminate them with extreme prejudice," he said in a bad Austrian accent.
"Fantastic! Now get out of here, champ!"
"You mean chimp?" the Monkey King chuckled, balancing on top of his staff. "But what's the hurry? Can't we take a little you-and-me time before I head out?"
"Oh, that sounds absolutely amazing," the goddess simpered. She stepped toward him, then collapsed on one knee, clutching her stomach. "But oh, the pain they cause me! Such disgusting order is threatening my very essence! Luckily, I'm brewing up something nice and chaotic, but I have to get to work, pronto. No time to deal with those nasty Chans myself…"
"Say no more, my sweet paint grenade," the tarsier trickster chortled. "I promise you, on my honor, those killjoys will never rain on your parade again! Exit, stage left!"
Turning bright pink, the cackling simian crashed through the wall and sped off, leaving only an impact silhouette and a very uncomfortable atmosphere in the room.
"Did people really used to think he was funny?" Vanessa asked, staring at the hole in the wall.
"Not particularly," Zhixin sighed. "Anyway, so what's-" he started to ask, only to be interrupted by Eris literally tearing across the room and retrieving her chariot, the concrete floor chipping and flying to either side as she streaked across it.
"Come on, people! Move it move it move it!" she screeched as they loaded onto her chariot. Kasahara flattened himself, Zhixin clung to Hak Foo's torso with all four hands, and Vanessa took the reins, snapping them. The storm spirits whinnied and crackled with static, then sprinted forward and took flight. The chariot quickly rose out of sight at high speeds.
While the other three Agents seemed completely wrapped up in the hurried preparations, Hak Foo remained stoic. "Is there a reason we are moving with such has-" he began, only to be interrupted by Eris putting her finger over his lips.
"Shut up and hold still, stud," she warned, moving her hands onto Hak Foo's torso as Vanessa steered behind her. "This is going to have to be a rush job, and I don't want to mess it up." She cackled for a moment. "What am I saying? Some of my best works have been thrown together last-minute! Now, let mama work!"
Hak Foo shuddered at her touch, but also gave a guilty smile as she ran her hands over him, pinching and pulling. Kasahara and Zhixin did their best to look away. Vanessa, meanwhile, was barely paying attention, instead steering the chariot with a confused look on her face.
"Hak Foo has a point, boss," she said, idly flicking the reins. "We are moving in a bit more of a hurry than usual. Does Poseidon's essence mean as much to you as-?"
"As big bro's? Gods no, are you kidding?!" the Goddess of Discord snapped, not looking up from her work. "But with that stupid simian on the loose, we can't afford to waste time! We need to get that go-kart and get out before he chases the Chans all the way to Albion - I mean Britain! Whatever!"
"But I thought you would have wanted that braindead bonobo to get an essence," Kasahara said. "Even if his affections are...completely abhorrent to you, surely him wielding that power would produce bountiful chaos." He then yelped as Eris grew a third arm out of her shoulders to grab him by his papery throat.
"You seriously cannot be that dense!" she shouted, shaking him up and down. "You're the 'expert on Far Eastern antiquities,' as you never shut up about! In what world would giving an already reality-bending creature an extra dose of divine power - who isn't me - remotely be a good idea?"
"She's making sense and that terrifies me," Vanessa muttered quietly, before continuing in a louder voice, "So that explains why you misdirected him and told him nothing about the essence, but why are you so worried? He's hardly the sort of creature to match Poseidon's emotional wavelength, so to speak."
"That's where you're wrong, sweetcheeks," Eris growled, continuing to mold Hak Foo's body like clay. "In fact, I'm pretty sure that power would trigger if that ape looked at it from across the street. Those two have too much in common. Angry at the world, arrogant, envious, easily insulted…"
"That hardly sounds like the creature we saw today," Kasahara said skeptically. "I mean, some of it, yes, but envious? Of what? Moreover, he's a prankster and a trickster! How could Poseidon relate to the Monkey King?"
At this, Eris burst out laughing, squeezing Hak Foo so tightly that his waist cinched to the dimensions of a paper towel roll. "Wow, he's really got you fooled, hasn't he?" she shrieked, trying to correct her work and keep the thug's top half from toppling off of his legs. "Oh, have I got a story for you!"
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Uncle's Rare Finds was emptied out when the Monkey King tunneled up from under the floor in a pair of rabbit ears. "Ugh, I'm late!" he snarled. "Knew I should've taken that left at Albuquerque! Well, where could they have gone? Can't go back to my boo empty-handed…"
He crept around the antique shop, his outfit transforming into a trenchcoat as he sniffed shelves, licked dust, and dusted said dust for fingerprints. "Okay, think monkey-brain, think!" he muttered, pacing back and forth. "The girl Chan is clever. 'Clever', rhymes with 'lever', which is something you pull, like Jackie pulled my leg. When he pulled my leg, he became a puppet. A puppet like on Sesame Street! Now then, which word of that speaks to me…? Hm...I'm getting a good feeling from sesame. Yeah, that's the way to go!" he declared, slamming a fist into his palm.
"So, sesame...sesame seeds come on hamburger buns, and hamburgers are an American adaptation of a German dish. So are hot dogs. Hot dogs are sausages, sausages are popular breakfast food…breakfast..." The Monkey King pounded his head again, gritting his teeth in concentration as his pacing took him past the computer. "Come on, you were onto something there...eureka!" he gasped. "English breakfast tea! Of course! This evidence, combined with that open computer showing the arline's website opened to the next scheduled flight to London's Heathrow Airport, can only mean they're on their way to England!"
The bonobo bobo grinned at his own cleverness, but then his face fell. "Oh, great. An airplane. So either I have to hunt 'em down before they get on the plane, or get on it myself to trap 'em." He shuddered in horror at the thought. "Ugh, nobody ever said brutal revenge would be easy." He magically grew a necktie and tugged on it, his eyes bugging out as he dove back into his tunnel. As he crawled away from the shop, his voice could be heard ranting, "It's rough, I tell ya, rough! I get no respect! My gal told me, come over, nobody's home! I came over, and nobody was home!"
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Jackie and Uncle didn't even look up as complimentary tiny drinks were passed out, Uncle with his nose pressed into a book on Poseidon, Jackie on his tablet as he researched any possible way into Buckingham Palace. Their seat cushions had long since been squashed flat from hundreds of flights, and the plane itself was dusty and overcrowded, but at least they had reached it on time thanks to Captain Black's assistance in bypassing customs. It'd be at least twelve more hours before they landed, though, and Uncle was insistent that they waste no time sitting on their hands when they could be broadening their minds.
"Fascinating," Uncle commented, more to himself than Jackie. "Following failed coup against Zeus, Poseidon was stripped of his godhood for one year. If it could be done to him, perhaps we can do it to Eris as well."
"Really?" Jackie asked, doing a double take. His own research could wait. For obvious reasons, Buckingham Palace's security layout was not readily available online. "Not just the power of Ares?"
"Indeed!" Uncle exclaimed. "If we can figure out process, magic burping lady can finally be brought down!" He smiled and reached for his drink. Just as he brought it to his lips, though, a chill ran down his spine. He narrowed his eyes and set down the cup. "Something is wrong. Uncle has the willies."
Jackie sprung up, unbuckling his seat belt in one move, then cartwheeled over his uncle and into the aisle. Something was indeed strange: the plane was silent. Not a hint of chatter throughout the cabin assaulted the ears. Passengers all around him seemed to be asleep, but as Jackie watched closely, they began to shrink, their skin and clothes fusing together and turning flaky and silver as their arms withdrew into them. Their eyes moved to the sides of their heads and burst open to display glassy orbs without focus or intelligence. Their heads flattened as they craned their chins upward, mouths gaping. They kept shrinking until they were almost too small to see. All around him, every passenger besides his uncle was no longer human. They were-
"Sardines?" Uncle observed, adjusting his glasses. "What magic is this?"
"Oh, just a little something I whipped up!" cackled a maniacal voice from behind. A flight attendant front-flipped toward Jackie from the back of the plane, face covered in a surgical mask. Long stockings failed to cover up her hairy legs, and there was a notable and disturbing bulge in the back of her skirt. She ripped off the mask and bared sharp fangs. "They were already packed in here, so it seemed appropriate! Don't worry, though," the figure continued. "They'll be just fine. They're fine, the plane is fine. Yes, this is a problem - a slight problem. But they'll adapt, healthy and free to live a life of religious fulfillment." As he spoke, his nose extended further and further beyond his face.
"The Monkey King?" Jackie gasped.
The loudmouthed monkey spun and changed his clothes again to a plum suit and tie, his teeth growing even whiter under a thick walrus mustache (and a normal-sized nose). "Survey says…" he shouted, indicating at a wall behind him. A panel flipped over with a loud 'ding', with "MONKEY KING" in white letters. "Congratulations! That'll be the last victory of your lives!"
"How did you get out of the volcano?" Jackie demanded, crouching down in a defensive stance.
"None'a your monkey business, that's how!" the Monkey King sneered, returning to his usual appearance and slamming down his staff. Jackie stumbled back to avoid it. "And now that I'm back, just think of all the fun there is to be had! There's just one thing I need to take care of: REVENGE!"
Jackie jumped back and sprung onto the nearest seat, bouncing off and aiming a flying kick at the maniacal monkey's neck, but the Monkey King defended himself with his staff and sent Jackie flying. "Get back, Jack!" he hooted, sprinting at the archaeologist on all fours. Jackie slammed his shoulder into the nearest overhead compartment and seized the handle. The jostling worked, and heavy suitcases rained down on the Monkey King just in time.
"A little help, Uncle?" Jackie asked, his eyes flashing to the old man.
Uncle groaned and lifted himself out of his seat, struggling to open his own compartment. "Uncle is doing his best!" he cried, before it popped open and dumped down his cauldron. "Buy Uncle some time!"
Jackie nodded and threw himself on top of the pile of luggage, but the Monkey King broke through and slammed Jackie into the ceiling, then slammed him back down into the aisle.
"What I'm gonna do to you is the only fate worse than commercial air travel!" the demented ape screeched as he began pounding at Jackie's back.
"And what's that?" Jackie demanded, aiming a kick to the Monkey King's belly. It struck true, and the Monkey King stumbled back, grunting and sweating.
"It's when you pay to get stuffed in a metal bird and flown places," the loony lemur replied, giving him a funny look. "But that's not important right now. What matters is giving you the most painful death imaginable for what you did to me and my baby!"
"Baby?" Jackie repeated, just before the Monkey King seized him by the throat. Jackie thrashed and struggled, but the ape's grip was no joke. He even added his tail for extra strength, wringing every last bit of air from Jackie. Does the Monkey King have a child? Jackie wondered as his thoughts clouded. With a burst of strength he thrust his head forward and bashed the Monkey King's nose, then took a deep breath and swung a roundhouse kick, only to get his foot caught in one of the reclined seats.
"Not used to such tight quarters, huh?" the Monkey King taunted, raising his staff again. "Try being trapped in a puppet for thousands of years!" He slammed it down on the foot Jackie still had on the floor, but Jackie swung back into a spin like a corkscrew, then sprung up and climbed to the ceiling, then jumped down and landed both feet on the Monkey King's face. The primate jester responded by seizing Jackie's ankle with his tail and dangling him upside down, then changing his costume again to American flag-patterned trunks and boxing gloves, and began treating Jackie's face like a speed bag. "You're gonna have to go through Hell, worse than any nightmare you've ever dreamed!" the ape taunted as Jackie swung helplessly back and forth.
"Uncle!" Jackie yelled, his voice shaking as he was batted back and forth.
"Working on it!" Uncle shouted back, without looking up.
The Monkey King sneered as he wound up his arm for the finishing blow, but then there was a loud POP and he howled in agony, giving Jackie the opportunity to escape. He got to his feet and looked over the Monkey King's shoulder to see his savior holding an overflowing bottle of champagne from first class.
"Take your stinking paws off of him, you damn dirty ape!" Jade snarled. She brightened up as she smiled at her uncle. "Hi, Jackie!"
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"Y'know, Tohru," Captain Black said thoughtfully as he reclined his seat. The high-speed jet was zooming across the Pacific at over 600mph, but smooth as a still pond. "In all the time you've worked for me, I don't think we've ever spent much time together. It's nice to get some alone time. You know, get to know each other."
"Yes, I had no idea that you were such a fan of the works of Noel Coward," Tohru agreed, smiling as he watched the original Blithe Spirit film playing before them. "I must say, the time alone is a welcome relief, too."
For a few moments, there was nothing but companionable silence.
"So," Captain Black drawled. "You knew the whole time that Jade snuck off?"
"They will end up thanking me," Tohru said with a smile.
"You don't need to be Prometheus to foresee that!" Captain Black laughed.
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Jackie seized the Monkey King's moment of hesitation to break free and grab the primate prankster in a headlock, stamping down one foot on his tail. With a running leap, Jade smashed the bottle down on the Monkey King's back, shattering it and drenching him in shards of glass and sparkling alcohol.
"Jade," Jackie said in an even voice as the Monkey King thrashed. "I don't believe that this plane is going to Bhutan!"
"Tch," Jade huffed. "Nice to see you, too."
With a burst of strength, the Monkey King broke free again and seized the remaining half of the bottle from Jade's hands, tossing it away into the back of the plane with a thud.
"Ouch!" Uncle howled. "You will pay for that!"
The Monkey King rolled his eyes and glared at Jackie and Jade. "Sorry, left my wallet in my other tunic," he called over his shoulder. "But takin' away my credit card ain't stoppin' this ape from charging!" He spun and grew horns and hooves, stampeding down the aisle, with Jackie and Jade retreating back to the flight attendants' small break room, flinging themselves aside to dodge at the last minute. The Monkey King grunted and transformed back, then swatted them both into opposite walls with his staff and extended it, pinning them both to the sides. "Enjoy your last moments before you plummet down like a certain coyote!" he screeched.
Jade snarled and reached over to the side, seizing the only thing within reach. "Can't we talk like buds?" she gasped. She twirled a set of earbuds and threw them like a lasso, wrapping them around the Monkey King's face. With a swift tug, she and Jackie were free, and used his own staff to hold him to a wall.
"Your jokes won't save you now," Jackie warned as the two pressed closer.
"Then how about a good old-fashioned pratfall?" the psycho simian replied. A lever materialized on the wall next to him, and he yanked it with his tail. The floor opened up beneath the Chans' feet, a swinging trapdoor that dropped downward. Jade managed to hop aside, but Jackie plunged down into the darkness below. "Won't be seeing him again," the Monkey King sneered, dusting his hands. A moment later, there was a dull thud, followed by a moan of pain.
"You knew planes have cargo holds, right?" Jade asked in a dull tone as she cocked her head.
The Monkey King snarled and pounced over the trapdoor, ready to finish Jade, when a suitcase flew up and hit him in the chin. The merry monkey fell down, his staff stuck alongside the edge of the gap as he hit the lower floor. "Oh, that's real funny!" he complained.
"I thought so," Jackie replied, donkey-kicking the primate prankster into a pile of crates.
The Monkey King blinked and assessed the situation. The room was dark and narrow, lit only by dim emergency lights and a shaft shining down from the trapdoor. A maze of suitcases and crates were scattered all over the metal floor, and the whole place was below freezing. The laughing lemur's staff was dangling over the trapdoor's rim, but not falling. And, of course, Jade was staring down at them.
"Jackie!" she called, "I'll be right down!"
"No!" her uncle shouted back. "I'll take care of him here! Find me a way out!"
"Doesn't matter," the Monkey King snickered. "I already worked my magic on the pilots. Sooner or later, this plane's going down!"
Jackie and Jade let out simultaneous gasps. "Jade!" Jackie screamed. "Get to the cockpit!"
"Duh!" Jade yelled back, already turned and running.
With Jade gone, Jackie narrowed his eyes and threw himself at the psycho monkey. "This was your plan?!" he gasped, ducking to avoid a punch and elbowing the Monkey King in the ribs.
The Monkey King literally rolled with the punches, backflipping and bouncing back with a kick like a Rockette. "Backup plan, yeah," he admitted. "I wanted something special for you, but this works. And don't tell me it's not funny!" he ordered, his voice growing louder. "A bunch of fish reunited with their own kind, only to be killed in the wreckage! Irony's the best! I'd prefer something special for you two, but as long as you're out of my honeypie's hair, I'm good!"
"You realize that you'll go down with us, don't you?" Jackie growled, only to get slugged across the face by a mean right hook.
"Takes more than that to kill the King of Comedy!" the Monkey King howled, effortlessly dodging more of Jackie's kicks. "Magical immortality, baby! A bitter dozen or so pills to swallow, as well as some sweet peaches, but my act is booked forever! You'll never give me the hook!"
Jackie huffed, his breath visible even in the dim light, steeling himself. "All shows end sometime. Your curtain call will come."
"Not before yours, Chan!" the Monkey King screeched, leaping forward as the real fight began.
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"And once again, Jade gets stuck flying a plane while others have all the fun," Jade muttered as she sprinted down the first class aisle to the cockpit. She channeled her frustration into a kick to the cockpit door, which flew open. The two chairs were both empty at first glance, but soon revealed two tiny fish flopping about. Jade grabbed a water bottle that they were apparently too stupid to use and plunked them in, then took a seat at the controls.
"Okay, autopilot's on," she observed, doing her best to discern the purposes of all the many buttons, knobs, switches, and displays. "Altitude's fine, we're halfway there. Should be plenty of time before we need to land…which means I'm going to be stuck here for a while…" she groaned.
It was just so frustrating. After all the trouble of sneaking out of the private jet, stealing Jackie's credit card, ride-sharing to the airport, purchasing a first-class ticket, and boarding the plane, all without her family noticing, she still didn't get the real action! However, before she could get any further lost in her thoughts, she spotted the literal dark clouds on the horizon. "So much for throwing caution to the wind," she said with a smirk.
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"Who sent you after us?" Jackie demanded as he and the Monkey King traded blows. The wiry primate was much stronger than he looked - each blow felt like he was being beaten with a lead pipe. It wasn't long before Jackie decided that dodging was the better option. As he slid aside, he continued his interrogation. "Who are you protecting?"
The Monkey King backflipped over him and kicked him in the back, but Jackie grabbed his leg and swung him into a wall of suitcases. "Wouldn't you like to know?" the legendary ape replied. He grabbed the nearest suitcase and unzipped it, reaching in and pulling out the first thing he touched, which turned out to be an autographed baseball bat. "Looks like Ruth is takin' some practice swings," the Monkey King commented in a Brooklyn accent, transforming his clothes into a Yankees uniform, before switching back and lunging at Jackie. Jackie blocked with a suitcase, then unzipped his own and grabbed something, only to grimace when he got a pogo stick.
"Better hop to it!" the Monkey King taunted, only to get clubbed in the head. "Huh, shoulda seen that coming…" Annoyed, the ape kicked the pogo stick over his head and into a pile of crates, then reached into another case for a new weapon, already bored with his bat. Within seconds, he was wielding an umbrella as a saber, lunging as Jackie slipped left and right to avoid the ferrule. "You can't beat me," he taunted, his outfit morphing into a dark housecoat, striped scarf, and flowered hat. "I'm practically perfect in every way!" He danced and swung, Jackie defending with the sides of his arms. "Oh, it's a jolly day to murder Jackie! Jackie's got me seeing red!"
Suddenly, the plane lurched, and both of the pair leapt back to avoid an avalanche of luggage.
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"Come on, ya dumb plane!" Jade muttered, hands tight on the wheel as she tried to keep things level. It wasn't working very well-the floor was at a constantly shifting angle. "You don't wanna crash, I don't wanna crash. Let's help each other."
Unsurprisingly, the plane did not reply, although the sound that came when it hit another rough patch of air sounded enough like a "No" that it left Jade looking briefly disturbed.
"Okay, fine, be that way," she grumbled. She jumped as the door flew open.
"Ai-yah!" Uncle came charging into the cockpit, his arms loaded up with his cauldron, which was sloshing orange gunk all over the carpet. "Keep plane steady! You want Uncle to finish potion? Yes? Then stop shaking metal bird!"
"I'm doing my best!" Jade snapped. "How is that thing gonna beat the Monkey King, anyway?"
"Potion is not for Monkey King!" Uncle shouted back. "There are more important things to worry about!"
"What could possibly be more important than that?!" Jade asked incredulously. Uncle then immediately pointed to the pair of sardines currently swimming around in the bottle of water. "...Ah. Right."
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"Even the heavens hate your sense of humor!" Jackie cried, the umbrella flying from the Monkey King's hand. The two struggled to stay on their feet, but the Monkey King had the distinct advantage of an extra appendage to grab onto a safety rail. Suitcases and crates began sliding every which way, one nearly flattening Jackie had he not had the reflexes to leapfrog over it.
"Oh, don't get me started on the guys up there!" the malicious chimp barked as he reached for yet another weapon. He unzipped yet another bag and pulled out a leafblower. With a cackle, he pulled the ripcord and cranked it into reverse. Jackie struggled to stay away as he was sucked closer. "Bustin', oh bustin', yeah bustin' makes me feel good!"
Jackie shoved a smaller bag into the device's mouth and elbowed the Monkey King in the nose, then pinned him into a wall with the back of his leg, smashing the ape's face against the frigid steel wall.
"How could you be so insane as to endanger all these lives just for revenge on two people?" the archeologist demanded. "And with a plane, no less! We stopped making jokes like this twenty years ago!"
"Like me, they're due for a comeback!" the Monkey King shot back. The plane leaned heavily to one side, and Jackie slid away, crashing into the top of the jet's landing gear, followed by a cascade of rolling suitcases. He had just enough time to flee to the other side of the structure, shielding himself from impact as luggage crashed around on either side.
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"One of these has gotta help!" Jade grouched, one hand gripping the wheel as she ran her other hand over the huge assortment of control switches. They were labeled, but not in terms she could understand. She located the altimeter, which was fluctuating wildly. Soon as I get back, I'm getting a turn on the flight simulator, she vowed. Desperate as the plane dipped and shook, she flipped a switch.
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Down below, there was a loud, angry squeal as the structure behind Jackie's back began to shift. A hatch opened beneath his feet and he clung desperately to the titanium lifeline as it began to lower through the floor.
"Bwah!" Jackie wailed, putting all his strength into his grip as the Monkey King seized a safety rail. A vacuum effect kicked in, the pressurized area's air rushing out and eager to take anything with it, all as the landing gear deployed into the frigid, damp outside air charged with electricity. "Baaaad daaaaay!"
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Somehow, the flight only became bumpier up above. Jade flipped the switch back into place, then tried another. The plane's wing flaps opened on either side, and she gained some extra altitude. The altimeter started to even out, and Jade sighed as her job got slightly easier, even with all the rocking and turbulence. "Come on, Uncle," she muttered under her breath. "Don't make me land this bird myself!"
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Just as Jackie's grip was starting to loosen, the landing gear began to slowly retreat back into the plane. The terrified archeologist wrapped his legs tightly around the metal structure as it slowly moved upward. He finally let himself breathe as he was lifted back into the cargo deck, gasping deeply in the not-quite-as-cold-as-outside air. His clothes were soaked, and it took him a moment to tear himself away after the hatch closed, but he quickly regained his footing, only for a blow from behind to send him on his hands and knees.
"Gotta say, it's a lot more satisfying to finish you myself," the Monkey King's obnoxious voice echoed through the darkness. "Time for my showstopper!"
High above, the Monkey King's staff rolled and slid along with the plane, teetering over the trapdoor before finally plunging down with a light thump that somehow was heard throughout the cargo hold. The ape monarch lunged and seized his beloved weapon in both hands, as well as one of his feet. "Good to have you back, old friend," he whispered into the staff, stroking it and giving it a kiss. "Let's never part again!"
The two were immediately parted by a well-placed flying kick from Jackie, who seized the weapon for himself, twirling it and swatting its master into the landing gear.
"Put that down!" the Monkey King demanded, straightening up. "You don't have the comedic timing to use it!"
Jackie, still speechless from his out-of-plane experience, grit his teeth and charged, swinging the staff out as the Monkey King desperately dodged, scampering around the titanium girders. "This isn't funny!" the primate shrieked, pulling up his tail to avoid having it smashed. "Come on! At least make it like Whack-A-Mole!"
Jackie's sense of humor had completely evaporated as he continued to try to break the Monkey King in half with his own weapon, the ape uncharacteristically nervous as he dodged each strike. He was running out of places to go, though, as Jackie climbed behind him, still swinging the staff.
The Monkey King's movements were quick, but Jackie's were much more precise as he goaded the mad primate forward and back, sending the ape lunging across the cargo hold and repeatedly smacking into walls, desperate for the return of his weapon. He let out a screech of fury as he flew at Jackie, his face becoming narrow and angular. "You dare to wield the weapon of the immortal jester? You want that power? You can't handle the power!"
"That one was a stretch, even for you!" Jackie taunted, ducking under a wild haymaker. "I knew this weapon contained your power, but I didn't realize it contained your humor too!"
The Monkey King growled as his face shifted back to normal. "Oh, you want humor? I'll show you humor! Staff, buck him!"
The second the words left the maniacal macaque's mouth, the staff began to twist and writhe in Jackie's hands, moving like a bucking bronco. The archeologist yelped in pain as the staff moved this way and that, his wrists making ominous creaking sounds as the Monkey King's weapon continued to try to break free. Jackie squirmed in place, trying to maintain his grip with numb hands, his frozen grip the only reason he'd managed to hold on so long. Wait…
With a determined leap, Jackie thrust himself into the air, ready to swat the Monkey King one last time. The Monkey King mirrored his move, crying "Nobody steals the King of Comedy's material!"
As they met in midair, the staff twisted in Jackie's grip and returned to its master's hand-just as Jackie had hoped. He wrenched his own hands free and delivered a kick right to the airborne ape's butt, sending him flying face-first into the landing gear as he screamed.
The Monkey King wriggled and squirmed, proudly holding his staff, but try as he might, he couldn't move his face. "What the-?" the chaotic trickster tried to say, but it came out more as "mfuh", as his lips and tongue were stuck firmly to the frozen girder. His eyes went wide as he tried in vain to free his face. He was so focused that he didn't even notice as Jackie started piling up cargo beneath the trapdoor.
"Jackie!" Uncle's voice called from above. His head poked through the opening, looking annoyed, as usual. "Stop playing around! Uncle needs extra set of hands for final steps with potion!"
"Uncle!" Jackie shouted back up, his hands reached up. "Help me get to the cockpit!"
Uncle grumbled and set down his cauldron, grabbing Jackie's wrists and digging in his heels to help his nephew out of the hole. "What about unfunny chimp?"
"He won't be going anywhere for a while," Jackie replied as he got to his feet in the cabin. He flipped the lever that the Monkey King had conjured and the trapdoor resealed, then disappeared entirely.
"Good!" Uncle told him, thrusting a bag of walnuts at him. "Shell these while Uncle stirs! Potion must stay in motion so it does not congeal!"
Jackie groaned and multitasked as he and his uncle burst through the cockpit door. Jade's teeth were being ground to the nub as she tried to keep the plane steady over the storm clouds. "Hey, Jackie!" she said, with a little less than her usual enthusiasm.
"Jade!" her uncle replied. He emptied the bag of walnuts on the floor and started stomping on them. "I need you to reopen the landing gear!"
"Reopen the landing gear? Okay", Jade said, slightly confused as she flipped the first switch she'd tried back on. "What happened to tall, dark, and annoying?" She stopped and looked back at the switch. "Ohoho!" she laughed. "I'm rubbin' off on you, aren't I?"
"He'll be fine! He's immortal!" Jackie said defensively. He grabbed two handfuls of walnuts and scooped them into Uncle's potion. "He'll just fall into the ocean and be out of our hair forever! Now let's focus on getting this potion finished so that we can make it to London."
"You want to make it to London?" Uncle asked testily, smacking Jackie in the forehead. "Yes? Then stop spoiling Uncle's potion! Uncle needed shells, not nuts! One more thing! Must still be prepared for Agents of Chaos when we arrive! Must use time to prepare more combat spells! One more thing! Monkey King still imprisoned innocent person in puppet body! Must find them later! One more thing-"
"You see, this is why I booked a first-class seat," Jade grumbled. "No riffraff making a racket."
"It isn't commercial air travel without a tantrum," Jackie sighed.
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Down beneath the plane, the ancient lord of jesters clung to the plane for dear life as it sped hundreds of miles an hour, five miles above the ocean, through a sea of thundering stormclouds, his face still firmly attached to a titanium girder.
When this plane lands, Chans, you're in for a world of hurt! No way I'm lettin' you ruin my baby's fun!
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PA2: Dun dun dun! Wait, have I used that joke already?
MP: Like we don't have enough old jokes in this chapter…
PA2: Yeah, the Monkey King definitely is a character who lends himself to the term "Reference Overdosed." Especially since we're fanfic writers and don't have to worry about copyright law.
MP: And on the off-chance we do, we've never heard of this "Disney corporation" you speak of. Got it? Anyway, follow, fave, and review with your opinions, as well as predictions for our next chapter, "Practical Magic (Not That One)"!
PA2: Until then, thank you for reading and have a good night, everybody! Play us out, Paul!
*jazzy piano tune plays*