This drabble is based in an AU where Crowfeather left Windclan to join Squirrelflight in Thunderclan.
...
The first hint that something was wrong was that it was quiet when Crowfeather returned.
His brows raised in question as he scanned Thunderclan's camp. His hunting patrol padded past him, only Dustpelt looking back quizzically. The older cat dropped his vole gently. "What's the matter?"
Crowfeather released his own mouse. He looked around again, searching for a particular cat. "Has Sandstorm's patrol not returned yet?"
Dustpelt made a puzzled mrrow. "I'm not sure." He said. "Why?"
"Nothing, it's just." Crowfeather looked over the camp again, "I just can't see Squirrelflight anywhere."
Dustpelt rolled his eyes, but his mouth formed a smile. "Oh, that's what it is." He said with a smug drawl.
Crowfeather narrowed his eyes. "Shut up."
Dustpelt laughed throatily, "Relax. Her patrol probably isn't here yet." His tail moved silkily in the air. "We'd know if she was here."
Crowfeather blushed, looking away from the grinning cat. He wasn't wrong though. It was impossible for any cat to not hear the strong mew of Squirrelflight every time she saw her mate return. Each time Crowfeather left for duty, or when he returned, the first thing that greeted him was the crash of fluffy fur as Squirrelflight pounced upon him with tender purrs.
Though he would never admit it, Crowfeather had enjoyed it immensely when she first did it. The fact she was so willing to show her distrustful clanmates that she was stone set on being with this former Windclan cat was nothing but amazing for Crowfeather. After long patrols where his new clanmates had made it clear they thought less of him than they would a rogue, returning to his love was everything he needed to make the cold looks shake away. It always reminded him that, no matter what he went through in this strange, new territory, it was all worth it.
But as the moons went on, as he carried on duty after duty, without fuss and with great effort, as he noticed the cold glares turn into something cool, Crowfeather began to realise just how embarrassing it was to be topped and cooed over by a fluffy, ginger, full grown, cat.
While many disgusted snarls remained, they were beginning to be drowned out by the light-hearted jeers. The latter didn't do much to quell the burning in Crowfeather's cheeks.
Still, he put up with it. Because she had put up with everything and worse for him.
How she had stayed so strong in the months where her clan thought her a traitor he would never know. He still found it hard to ignore the vicious stares of his former clanmates when he passed them on the border.
But she was different. She loved him and was unafraid to prove the fact.
He'd become so used to her high purrs of delight as a welcome that he couldn't help but feel odd when it wasn't here today.
"I know." Crowfeather said, "It's just weird. We were sent to the border, they stayed in our territory, shouldn't they have come back before us?"
"Not every patrol has good prey." Dustpelt meowed, "Maybe they're a little slow today."
Crowfeather scoffed playfully, "Don't let Sandstorm hear you say that." Both he and Dustpelt shuddered. The temper of the golden molly was far more frightening than any punishment Firestar could offer.
"Look, you're worrying too much." Dustpelt gestured for the grey tom to follow him. "Come on, let's get this prey to the fresh kill pile. Who knows? Maybe they'll be back as soon as we're done."
Crowfeather didn't like maybes. Only certainty. He only nodded though as he picked up his prey and followed the brown cat. Dustpelt was probably right. The patrol had been close in Thunderclan territory, if there had been any major dangers the clan would have known about it by now.
But everything seemed fine. Heck, Crowfeather even received a few nods from his clanmates as he completed his task. Every cat knew how much he had struggled with Thunderclan hunting. His quick feet may have gotten him a rabbit on the open moors, but under the cage of trees it was hard for Crowfeather to use his gifted speed without risking his head colliding with the solid slab of a trunk.
He'd learnt quickly though, and never complained or quit like some cats thought he would. And now, as he returned from every patrol with a good piece of prey, even the most stoic cats would admit that Crowfeather was a decent hunter.
Crowfeather would nod back calmly, but he couldn't deny how grateful he was for the acceptance.
They had reached the fresh kill pile soon enough, and as soon as he had deposited his token of loyalty, Crowfeather searched the plains of the clan again. Squirrelflight was nowhere to be seen. Crowfeather sighed, a little disappointed. He laughed a little; was this how Squirrelflight felt when he wasn't here? He shrugged. He'd be sure to give her a deserved lick on the cheek when she got back.
Now, it was probably best if he ask his clanmates if any of them needed his help. He couldn't do too little to show that he was a part of them now.
He walked through the clan. He hissed with quiet embarrassment as he tried to remember every cat's name. It was so hard to adjust to things like that when he'd grown up with a completely different group. But there wasn't anything he could do. He had to try his best.
He saw Brackenfur and Cloudtail practicing battle moves with their apprentices, the young cats giving him a friendly mew as he strolled past. He returned the greeting with a soft sway of his tail. But he kept on his way. He couldn't infringe on another mentor's training.
He vaguely remembered that Ferncloud had been sent to help her apprentice gather moss. It hadn't been too long since she'd given birth and Firestar had insisted that she take is easier since they had moved to their new territory. Crowfeather supposed he could go see if he could help her, though he winced at how she had used her tail to hide her kits from him when he'd first strode into their clan beside Squirrelflight. Luckily, those memories were becoming easier to let slip away as the light grey molly had began to trust the grey tom who helped Leafpool crush medicine for her kits when they had become sick. They got on well enough when they saw each other now. But still… Crowfeather wasn't exactly sure where they had gone in the first place.
The blue-eyed tom sighed. He had to find somecat soon or else he might be seen as some lazy waste of fur just wandering about. He looked towards the elder's den and cringed. Changing their moss was an apprentice's task! But then again… any help was better than no help. He saw Brackenfur talking to Brightheart near the entrance and he rose a brow. That was strange for them both to be…
Crowfeather stopped in his tracks.
He looked hard at Brackenfur.
He was sure he'd been part of Sandstorm's patrol.
So where was-
Crowfeather forced himself to swallow his fear as he approached the tom. He was overreacting. Brackenfur didn't even look wounded. Nothing bad would have happened on their patrol. Still, his paws slipped over the ground like it was ice.
"Brackenfur!" Crowfeather called.
Brackenfur turned to the voice. Crowfeather noticed how his back fur quivered. He saw the weary, almost panicked look fill the tom's face. Crowfeather's eyes widened, and his breathing began to pace.
"Oh, Crowfeather." Brackenfur said weakly as the grey tom skidded to a halt before him. "You're back. Good hunting?"
The greeting was friendly in a forced drawl that made Crowfeather stiffen.
"Brackenfur," Crowfeather made his voice level, "Where's Squirrelflight?"
Brackenfur winced at the name and Brightheart looked away, biting her lip. Crowfeather looked between the two cats, his whiskers trembling. This time he couldn't shake away the burning feeling that something had gone wrong.
"What's going on?" Crowfeather meowed, stepping closer. "Did something happen?"
Brackenfur slowly found his clanmates eyes. He looked troubled. "There was an incident during our patrol."
Crowfeather's chest flared. "What do you mean incident?"
Brightheart stepped closer, "Crowfeather. Try to keep calm."
"Why? Is something wrong with Squirrelflight?"
"She's getting help." Brackenfur said, "We took her to the medicine den, so-"
"The medicine den?" Fear struck its teeth into Crowfeather's pelt. His fur frazzled out like he'd been cornered by a fox. "Why? What happened to her?"
"She…" Brackenfur coughed lightly, "We were in the middle of hunting when we noticed there was something wrong with her. She began to look like she was in pain somewhere." The tom could only watch as Crowfeather's face contorted with horror.
"What kind of pain?"
"We-We didn't know. We tried asking her if she wanted to go back, but she said it was nothing. So-"
"And you let her carry on?!" Crowfeather demanded, his eyes full of fire. Brackenfur backed away, taken aback as the younger tom began to growl erratically. "You thought she was hurt and just let her get on with it! Of all the mouse-brained-"
"Crowfeather! Let Brackenfur finish!" Brightheart said with a warning growl.
Crowfeather let his rant go, but his eyes still darted on the tom. His claws digging intensely into the ground. "Just get to the point!"
Brackenfur exhaled, "Okay. After she said she was fine, we carried on with the patrol. But we kept a close eye on her. Sure enough, she started shaking again, curling in like her stomach was hurting. To put it bluntly, she collapsed onto her belly and me and Sandstorm carried her back to the medicine den."
Maybe to another cat, the story wouldn't have been so bad.
But to Crowfeather, his heart felt like it had been submerged by thorns.
"Has this happened before?" Crowfeather said, his voice barely less than a plead.
Brackenfur shook his head, "Not without reason. She didn't look sick before."
"I can't think of a time Squirrelflight looked sick at all." Brightheart added.
Crowfeather's brain whirled, desperately trying to think of what could have caused this! He couldn't think of any signs that Squirrel was under any pain in the last few days. Or had there been signs he just hadn't noticed? His throat tightened. Had Squirrelflight been keeping quiet about her health to not worry him?
He dreaded the thought.
"How long has it been?" Crowfeather thrust his head into the direction of the medicine den.
"Not long." Brackenfur meowed with a sympathetic look. "I imagine Leafpool is still looking over her now. Sandstorm was still there when I left."
"Did Leafpool say anything?"
"Nothing to me, Crowfeather. I'm sure she'll find out what it is though. Leafpool has never let the clan down, especially when it comes to her sister."
"He's right." Brightheart's previous snarl had long since gone. She walked up to the shaking grey tom and gave his ear a comforting lick. "Don't worry. You know more than anyone how strong Squirrelfight is. She'd sooner sleep in a lake than give up any fight."
Crowfeather closed his eyes, but his muzzle still withered. It was true that Squirrelflight was strong, but that didn't mean she was invincible. There were many points in their journey where he feared he'd lost her for good. The fear never left. And it was always as painful as before.
He always let his guard down when it came to her.
"When you got to the medicine den, how was she?" Crowfeather fixed his claws.
"Oh," Brackenfur uttered, "Well… she certainly was still in pain, but she was conscious if that's what you're asking."
Crowfeather nodded. If she was still awake by the time they'd gotten back, then maybe it wasn't as serious as he feared.
It didn't mean it wasn't bad though.
"Alright." Crowfeather murmured. "Thank you for telling me."
"Of course." Brackenfur said with a friendly mew.
"And, um, I'm sorry for snapping at you."
Brackenfur waved his tail dismissively. "Buried bones, Crowfeather. It's only natural."
Brightheart purred in agreement, "Now," She said, whipping her tail on Crowfeather's shoulder, "You get down to the medicine den. We're all worried about what's wrong with Squirrelflight."
Crowfeather nodded at them sagely, then he sprinted away towards the den. The promise he'd made to Firestar about sprinting in camp was barren in his mind. He was only fuelled by tight, splintering worry.
He ignored the confused looks shot his way as he sped through the camp. His eyes were controlled by the twisting in his chest, setting his mouth into a wordless plea.
Please be alright. Please be alright.
He never begged, but he would for her.
Dozens of scenarios ran their claws through his head, none of them good. He knew he needed to tell himself that everything would be okay. But he wasn't true enough to believe in the best anymore. He knew how cruel this world could be. It wouldn't be unnatural for another torment to remind him of that fact.
This time, he didn't know if he could survive it.
Surviving without…
He shook his head again. This wasn't good. He needed to get to the medicine den soon, even though his heart trembled at what he might find. Then, at once, he felt hot blood throb in his legs again and he was stormed over by coursing adrenaline.
Sure enough, the shape of the medicine den took place in the distance, as well as two shapes in front of it. As he drew closer, he identified them as Sandstorm and Brambleclaw, the Thunderclan deputy. His chest pulsed again and he grit his teeth. The two cats soon saw the racing tom and Brambleclaw quickly stepped forward to stop the tom from crashing into the den.
"Crowfeather!" Brambleclaw exclaimed, "Slow down!"
Crowfeather's brow furrowed. He didn't have time to wait. He did stop, his paws skidding a cloud of dirt into the brown tom's face. Brambleclaw coughed, brushing his face with a paw, before narrowing his eyes in annoyance. "Thanks for the bath." He monotoned, wiping his cheek again.
Crowfeather began to growl. Even if Brambleclaw had been one of the few cats that had spoken on his behalf when he'd joined Thunderclan, that didn't mean he had to go easy on him when he was being a mouse-brain.
"Don't talk thistle-fluff!" Crowfeather spat at him. He turned to Sandstorm. The golden cat looked at him with an unreadable expression. Crowfeather's eyes widened and his breath began to slow. That unspeakable fear lodged itself in his throat again. "Is-Is Squirrelflight okay?"
As Sandstorm stared at him silently, Crowfeather's heart began to sink. The world around him blurred as his head became weary with a roaring grief. His legs wobbled as the doom of another loss threatened to ruin all he had left.
Then Sandstorm gave him a light smile.
Crowfeather became still.
"She's alright now." Sandstorm purred. "Leafpool figured out what happened."
Crowfeather was silent as something began to radiate all over him. He sat down on his hind legs, a long breath leaving his lungs. Relief. That was what this was. Pure, unquestionable relief. For once, the Stars, hidden in the cool day, had decided to take pity on him.
She's alright. That was all Crowfeather needed to hear.
"Thank Starclan." Crowfeather said, brushing a paw over his face. He felt just how warm his head was. "So, what happened then? What's wrong with her?" That unknown still loomed over him.
To Crowfeather's complete shock, the warm chuckle of Brambleclaw took place beside him. He twisted on the tom, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. How was his mate fainting a laughing matter?
Brambleclaw's amber eyes were full of warmth, "Well, you see-"
"Brambleclaw!" Sandstorm interjected, "It's not your place to tell him!"
"Does it really matter?"
"Would you want to hear it from anyone else?"
Whatever it was, Brambleclaw's jaw went shut and his shoulders relaxed with defeat. "Yeah, that's true." He turned back to Crowfeather, a rumbling purr in his throat. "Sorry, Crowfeather. You'll have to see it for yourself." The larger tom stepped aside, allowing Crowfeather entry to the den. Crowfeather looked beyond the frills of moss that lined the den, his chest pounding, then he faced Brambleclaw.
"See what?"
Brambleclaw winked, "You'll see." He padded away, his tail swaying happily. "Congratulations though." He called.
"Congratu-" Crowfeather balked, turning on Sandstorm. "Will somecat tell me what's going on?"
His mate's mother chuckled, stepping forward to brush her pelt against his. Crowfeather instantly felt his tension cool. "It's like Brambleclaw said. You'll want to see it on your own."
Crowfeather couldn't believe what he was hearing. From what he'd heard, nothing sounded good in the slightest. "Are you serious?"
Sandstorm's eyes narrowed. "Am I ever anything else?"
Despite himself, Crowfeather flinched. "Fair enough."
Sandstorm laughed out loud. "Do you trust me Crowfeather?"
"Of course, I do."
Sandstorm smiled, resting her muzzle against his briefly. When she pulled back Crowfeather could have sworn there was something… proud in his face. It reminded him of his own mother, even if that made his head swim in brief melancholy.
"Then get in there. She'll be glad to see you."
With that said, Sandstorm pressed her tail against his flank. "I'll see you in a bit. I've got to go find Firestar." Her tail waved cheekily in the air as she strode away. Her voice seemed to join the nearby swallows in a high birdsong.
Crowfeather stood alone, his pelt soaked in utter bewilderment. He didn't understand why he couldn't just get a straight answer from anyone. Did they not see how worried he'd been? How could Sandstorm, the cat who had hissed warnings at him to treat her daughter well if he didn't want to wake up to a mess of his own fur lining the Leader's rock, take her daughter being injured so lightly?
He felt like a kit that'd been left alone in the dark.
Then he heard soft mews from inside the medicine den.
Crowfeather turned, something smooth rushing over his throat. His ears perked at the gentle voices beyond his sight. He felt like a moth to the moon, drawn to the beacon of her voice. His paws felt like stones, rippling in a stream of disbelief, as if he could ruin the hope he had if he dared to step any closer.
He swallowed, but the frost still bit at his tail. He wanted to see her, but he was…
Scared. He was so scared of what he might find.
Then something found him.
"Crowfeather?" The voice in the den meowed. "Is that you?"
His heart skipped a beat.
The draw of her voice was enough for his paws to stop shaking. If she needed him, he'd be there. That was the life he had chosen. He would never betray that.
Gently, his tongue flat in his mouth, he entered the den. The thin streams of the sun whistled into the den, the dark and fruity scents of berries and herbs running soft paws on his face. The first cat he saw was Leafpool, who smiled at him as he entered. "Good morning, Crowfeather." She meowed.
But in front of her, sat on her hind legs, ears twitching at his name, it was the cat that turned to him, green eyes bursting with love, that made Crowfeather race towards the two mollies.
Within an instant, he was curling into her side, his nose bustling into her head. He breathed in her sweet scent as she purred, brushing her cheek into his neck. The cold tip of her nose made his chin swarm with warmth. "I'm glad to see you missed me so much." Squirrelflight's cheeky voice mewed softly. Crowfeather didn't laugh, as his tail swirled until it was across her small body.
"Thank goodness." He meowed. "You're alright."
"Of course I'm alright."
Every part of her, her soft bushy tail, her sweltering tufts of ginger fur, and her moon white smile, was just as perfect as Crowfeather remembered. She looked fine. There was a timid exhaustion in her eyes, but it was drowned out by the glint of her toothy smile.
"Do you have that little faith in my skills, Crowfeather? I'm disappointed in you!" Leafpool cut in with a playful snap. Her and Squirrelflight shared a joyful laugh as Crowfeather ran his tongue over his mate's ear.
Suddenly Crowfeather pulled away, his eyes wide with worry. "I heard you were in pain during your patrol! Did you find out what caused it?" He asked Leapool with a pleading cry.
"I did." Leafpool said calmly. Her tail twitched a little, as if excited. Underneath Crowfeather's chin, Squirrelflight rumbled with a pleasure that made Crowfeather frown.
"Excuse me!" He demanded, careful to keep his voice low. "I don't see how a cat collapsing is anything to be happy about!"
"I didn't collapse!" Squirrelflight meowed, her whiskers twitching. "I just had some pains… in my stomach." She finished, her lips turning upwards with a strange glee.
"That's not much better!" Crowfeather said. "If you felt you couldn't hunt this morning, you should have told someone!"
Squirrelflight rolled her eyes, "First of all, I was feeling fine, thank you very much. Secondly, it would take more than some stomach twisting to keep me from hunting."
Crowfeather let out an exasperated sigh.
Leafpool giggled, "Crowfeather, you don't need to worry. We know what happened. It's perfectly natural for a cat in Squirrelflight's condition."
"Condition?" Crowfeather meowed, fear making his heart race once more. His fur flared in a panic. "What do you mean? Is she sick? Is there anything I can do to help cure her?"
Leafpool only smiled more, she shared the proud look he had seen on Sandstorm. "It isn't exactly something you want to cure, Crowfeather."
"What are you talking about? Why is every cat talking in riddles today?" Crowfeather cried infuriated.
Squirrelflight looked up at him, "They aren't riddles. You're just dense." She said, whipping his nose with her tail.
Crowfeather huffed, "Okay, if I'm so dense, would you mind explaining what happened to you?"
"I got stomach cramps, that's all."
"Okay. I think I know how to help with that." He turned to Leafpool, "Do you need me to go find some poppyseeds?"
"I don't think poppyseeds help with pregnancy, honey."
"I'm sure they-"
The den went silent, save for a few hushed sniggers from Leafpool as Crowfeather froze in place.
Crowfeather just stared ahead, at nothing, his jaw rigid in place as he slowly breathed. Squirrelflight gently stepped away from him, looking up at him tenderly. She was clearly holding her own breath in patience.
"You okay, Crowfeather?"
Crowfeather couldn't look anywhere else but her eyes. "Say that again?" He needed to know that this was true.
Squirrelflight dipped her head, laughing a little, then raised back up with a small sniff. "I'm expecting, Crowfeather." She purred.
There it was again. Far too… everything to be true.
But she was there. And she wasn't lying.
Crowfeather felt as if his entire body was floating into something cosmic, something beyond his control or knowledge. As if each part of him was being swallowed by a whole new world. He knew that feeling enough. But never like this. This was…
It felt like complete peace.
Could something so beautiful actually exist?
His mate was expecting. They were going to have kits. They were going to be parents. He was going to be a father.
A father.
Crowfeather hadn't known much about Deadfoot, only what his mother had told him. He imagined when his father looked down on him now, he wasn't too happy to see his son pledge loyalty to another clan. But before all that mysticism, Crowfeather had often wondered how his father had looked at him in the small time when he was a kit. Before he had ascended to the stars. What had he felt when he'd leant he would be a father?
Had he been this happy?
Had he begun to cry?
Probably not. Ashfoot had told Crowfeather that his father was a "stony three-pawed spoilsport."
But Crowfeather wasn't his father. He'd learnt everything, made everything, on his own.
And now he was here, in the Thunderclan camp, in the Thunderclan medicine den, crying like a kit in front of the Thunderclan cat he loved with all his heart, who was the beautiful mother of his kits.
"H-How long?" Crowfeather whispered out.
Leafpool answered, "A few moons, I'd say. It won't be long."
Crowfeather nodded, another scattered rush of breaths leaving him. Ahead, Squirrelflight stepped forward, her nose inches from Crowfeather's. The tom looked up. He couldn't tell if it was the tears in his or Squirrelflight's eyes, but those wonderous green orbs gleamed like crystals.
"Crowfeather?" Squirrelflight said, her voice was small, and cracks began to pierce her breathing. "Are you okay?"
Okay.
Before another breath was taken, Crowfeather had leaped to his paws and thrust his neck over hers. He purred louder than any cat could believe as he ran his chin over the soft pelt. His tears gently rolled down the curve of his smile.
Squirrelflight, feeling the purrs rumble over her, gave in to her own hurricane of joy. Soon her face was streaked with lines of happy tears. "Oh, kitten." She mewed tenderly, beginning to purr right next to the warm embrace of her love.
In the midst of all this, Leafpool stared proudly at her sister, feeling her own emotions swelling in her chest. She turned away blinking, her face heating up with embarrassment. "Congratulations, you two."
Squirrelflight flashed her sister a sweet smile, but Crowfeather seemed lost as he continued to bury his nose on Squirrelflight's back. His cheek rested there, one ear flat just above her belly. He listened, feeling a warm void rippling beyond his reach, as vast as the night sky. He just about thought he could feel the warm sparks of new stars.
His eyes opened and another broken, but sunny, laugh came out. Squirrelflight's wet eyes joined with his, both swimming in the sea of joy. "Sweetheart." Crowfeather said in a voice so soft he was surprised it was his own. "I-I can't believe it."
"Well believe it." Squirrelflight meowed, nestling her neck back into her mate's cheek. A playful grin filled her cheeks. "And don't think this is going to slow me down or anything, I'll still outhunt you any day."
"Not if I have anything to say, you won't." Leafpool snapped.
"You can try and stop her. I wouldn't have faith in your chances." Crowfeather said, playing along despite how his face was still nuzzling the fluffy pelt.
"Have you ever tried telling her no?" Crowfeather asked, winking at the medicine cat. "Good luck."
Leafpool groaned, but her happiness didn't falter.
"See." Squirrelflight meowed, her tail reaching to pat her mate's shoulder. "I can already tell you've got the sense to be the best father."
Crowfeather purred, "Takes the best mother to know."
"And aren't I just?" Squirrelflight grinned. The two looked down at her belly, in their minds they could hear the soft heartbeats from moons away. "What do you think they'll be like?"
Crowfeather craned his head, then pressed his muzzle against her cheek. "Knowing us. Some real troublemakers."
Squirrelflight laughed. "Oh good. I was worried they'd be as boring as you were when we first met."
Crowfeather pulled her close to him with a forepaw making her croak with laughter. "I was interesting enough to get your attention." He said, his voice vibrated in her cheek as his nose remained nestled there.
"Just barely."
Without a warning, the darkness of the den cut away as a bright shape burst in, making the three cats jump in shock. Before them, a panting orange shape was fighting for his breath.
"Firestar?" Leafpool questioned, her mouth slack.
"L-Leafpool." Firestar responded between high gasps of breath. His head drew back with a long inhale as his twitching fur resigned to lie flat. An exhale alter, Firestar burst into the widest grin Crowfeather had even seen. "What's this I hear about me being a grandpa soon?"
A couple of blinks later, the medicine den was full of sparkling glee.
…
Warriors and characters belong to Erin Hunter