'Detective,
I thank you for your continued correspondence. I am doing well, considering the circumstances.
In continuing with my last letter, the period after I tended to Shigaraki's wounds was relatively calm. The League of Villians was still a budding organization with only he, Kurogiri and I occupying the initial hideout in Kamino.
I later learned that a missing person's report was filed after I failed in reporting to work that following week. My case remained that way until … well, my subsequent arrest.
Between the three of us, there was an unspoken understanding that if I tried to escape, I would be killed without hesitation. Despite that, Shigaraki expressed his desire to kill me regardless. He hated me and my quirk. It was unseemly to him. If it wasn't for Kurogiri, I would have turned to dust at the hands of Shigaraki long before now.
Nevertheless, I acclimated to my new life. Days became indistinguishable from the other. For the most part I was locked in a small room, and only allowed out into the bar area long after Shigaraki was gone or asleep.
It wasn't until after his brief stint with Stain that I saw fundamental change.
But to answer your last letter, yes, that was me with him at the Kiyashi Shopping Mall. I was not taken hostage as some speculated. When I could have easily ran away or made a scene, I didn't; I chose to leave with him.
It was then, sitting on the train ride back to Kamino, that my moral compass shattered.
All my life I had been the victim. My parents' death. My grandmothers' fall that led to her own untimely demise. Reiji's incarceration. My kidnapping.
So much had been taken away from me. There was nothing left, only a gaping hole I longed to fill.
A thunderous epiphany struck me, terraforming my mind. I had been holding onto my suffering, tending to it, allowing for it to dictate my life.
I felt cursed and slighted by the world but the world wasn't wrong. It just was.
I accepted my fate and saw Shigaraki as my savior. No longer was I bound to the chains of suffering, I had the agency to choose how and what my life would be.
I don't regret my decision, not even now.
-Rei'
The dark stain on the ceiling above me had grown in size. I peered at it until it blurred into one fuzzy mass of gray. Had it?
My thoughts derailed as the door to my room creaked open. My kidnapper stood clad in all black shooting a glare in my direction. Death had finally come for me. How did that saying go again? At Death's door? If it wasn't for the look on his face I would have chuckled at the irony of it all. "C'mon Doc, I need some fresh air." His raspy voice held no malice, he sounded tired – defeated almost.
I followed him out of the room, out the back door and into the alleyway. No words were exchanged, instead he held out a flimsy blue surgical mask. I secured it around my face, he drew up his hood, and we were off walking towards the metro station.
It seemed to me, based on the lax atmosphere, I wasn't going to be killed. Which was a relief to say the least. The sun rays in between my shoulders and the passing breeze felt lovely.
Despite my masked joy, my hands couldn't help but tremble – mostly caused by my frail state. In the weeks after my kidnapping my access to food was limited. Weight melted off me, it was evident in the way my borrowed clothes hung loosely.
Shigaraki and I had arrived at the station and stood idly, waiting for the next train. Not too far from where we were stood a young mother with her toddler. The young girl caught my gaze and clung to her mother's leg. My companion frightened her, I could tell in the way she peered at him with her wide eyes. Her mother tugged at her hand in a silent signal, her eyes flashing a knowing look. 'Don't stare', I bet she was trying to say.
We most certainly looked like ruffians, he in all black on a warm day and me, dressed in old tattered clothes stolen from who knows where.
Across the station people buzzed around. Some talked eagerly about summer plans. Others had their heads down in their phones. All of them belonged to a different world. Among them, I felt like some sort of cretin that had crawled out of its hole.
With a rushing resounding sound, the train halted once it arrived at our platform. I followed Shigaraki inside and passed the girl and her mother, stealing one last look at them together. The future I envisioned for myself, married and with children, drifted from my mind like a detached balloon. I guess I would never know the softness and newness of a baby or feel them grow inside my body. The realization left me hollowed out; barren.
We sat in the back and fortunately I was allowed the window seat.
We didn't talk, even though he had no intention of doing me any harm, I could tell he was miffed. It might have something to do with the commotion I heard earlier before he came to retrieve me. Any mention of that and I knew his hand would be around my neck.
The passing cityscape outside the window caught my attention and I relaxed into the seat.
"You're not going to ask where we're going?" He stirred and kept his voice low.
In the time I had gotten to know him, I knew I had to tread lightly. He was moody and petulant, liable to lash out at the drop of a hat.
"Where are we going?" I asked quietly, turning to him slightly.
"It's a surprise." His response unsettled me, but I decided to poke the bear.
"I don't like surprises." I murmured blankly.
He leaned into my ear, "You're going to like this one." I could tell he was grinning horridly.
I hummed, unsure what to make of the predicament. What a crazy bastard he was.
We sat on the train for a while after that, I had no way of knowing how much time had passed. Most of my time was spent like that, unknowing, suspended. When he got to his feet I stuck to his heels, not wanting us to separate in the throng of exiting passengers. I followed close behind as we exited the station and headed down a heavily populated street. In no time we crossed the adjacent street and entered a large shopping complex – much to my surprise.
I was glued to his side at that point. It had been a long time since I had been around this many people. My head turned every which way at the passing figures. A pair of teenage girls walked by us, arm in arm giggling into the others ear. I longed for their youth and freedom.
"Here," He palmed a large wad of cash into my hand. I quickly stuffed it into my pocket, trying not to look shocked. "Get whatever you want." I tried to find his eyes behind his messy bangs, thinking this surely must be a sick joke. "Why are you doing this?" His hands were dug deep in his pockets as he regarded me. He shrugged and then signaled to follow, jerking his head.
"Things are going to change, our little hideout is going to get cramped. Kurogiri was right," He paused to grimace, "We need a doctor, especially now as we move forward with my plans." The way in which he talked to me now was different than before. Relaxed and in control, so sure in his words. No longer did he speak to me like an insect, I was in on it now – no longer a hostage.
The realization chilled me.
"And the money?" I challenged.
A smaller shrug now. "You look disgusting in those clothes. I doubt anyone would want to join with you looking like that." There he was, the Shigaraki I knew had finally reared his snide side. I paused to think but then put up a mental block. This wasn't the time to think. If I did, I would probably end up crying.
Guided by the directory board, I made my way to the only general store they had and stocked up on basic medical necessities; gauze, antiseptic, needles – the works.
"You're a funny one Doc."
We exited the store and I had begun to contemplate on what else I needed.
"Why is that?"
"Not gonna run away? You're not going to ask for help?" He was mocking me now.
"You haven't hurt me yet." That fortunately shut him up. It wasn't a lie, exactly. The thought did cross my mind but I directed my focus elsewhere, on the now. My actions were compelled by something I had yet to pinpoint exactly. Resignation? Conviction? I wasn't sure but I grasped on to the feeling firmly since my thoughts were kept clear and focused.
I could feel his eyes on me but I ignored him and continued on. We fell into step and resumed walking with no destination in mind. Today was turning out to be so strange. I never once imagined a time where he and I would be acting in such domestic fashion. Fright began blooming in my chest. I feared that at any moment all of it could be ripped away.
To quell my thoughts, I stopped and regarded a women's clothing store. White, faceless mannequins stood stiffly in the display windows. Their clothes reflected the current trends in fashion. Bright neons, strappy low-cut tops.
"Go on, I'll wait out here." He took the bag from my hand and shuffled off, leaving me alone. I stared at his retreating figure before cautiously entering the store. Snappy dressed women flittered from clothing rack to clothing rack, filling their arms with flashy garments. Hard to imagine I lived like them once.
I gravitated towards the simpler styled clothes. Loose linen pants in solid colors, and pretty pressed buttoned shirts caught my attention. The brown tortoiseshell buttons of one shirt stuck out to me in particular, I traced its smoothness with the pad of my thumb. They thankfully had my size and from there, I began to carefully pick out inconspicuous, durable clothing. Once I reached the cashiers, I held a modest sized bundle in my arms; pants, shirts with undergarments interspersed in between.
The cashier, a young woman around my age, regarded me with a strained smile. The suspicion in her eyes was telling as she made no attempt to hide a lingering stare at my thin tattered tank top. After she read out the final cost, I took out the wad of money Shigaraki gave me. Her brown eyes bulged in silent shock making her look like a dead fish.
I fought the strong urge to tell her how lucky she was, living such a mundane life. Instead, I kept my face passive as she flipped through the crumpled bills I handed her. She seemed like a caricature to me with her long feminine nails and curled eyelashes. In that moment, I knew I no longer inhabited the same world she did. I belonged to the dark underbelly of society now. Whose life was based in reality; hers or mine? I couldn't say. I was inclined to say hers, but she didn't appear real to me.
The change she handed me brought me back from my darkening thoughts. Bidding her farewell, I made my way outside craning my neck around trying to find a glimpse of black. I finally found him sitting in a nearby plaza with an arm slung around a boy. As I neared, I immediately discerned the panic on the young man's face. The trembling came back. Here it was. Everything was about to slip away as I fatalistically predicted.
Shigaraki looked up to find me, sensing a prolonged gaze on them – so did the young man. Our eyes locked. He said a few more words to the green-haired youth before getting to his feet and striding over. Without so much of a glance back, he looked down at me with a disturbing look. Wordlessly, he draped an arm around my shoulders and spoke into my ear, "Put your arm around me, we're leaving." I did as he said and rested my arm stiffly around his slim middle.
We walked out like that, arms around the other, up until we stepped onto the train back to the hideout. I almost collapsed into the seat, my bundle of nerves still jolting my insides.
I didn't ask about the boy. I knew it was likely that if I didn't come sooner, he might have killed him. The thought did not trouble me as much as it should have. Why? A growing self-estrangement rose inside me.
To numb my thoughts I directed my attention to the window. The passing cityscape was now tinged with faded orange; if I strained my eyesight enough I could see, right above the horizon line, a faint strip of green. An end to a perfect summer's day!
Buildings, parks, and stores crashed into the other – it was never-ending. Much like my life before.
I looked to Shigaraki who had his arms folded over his chest, looking straight ahead. Abhorrent thoughts burst forth the more I looked, each one more repulsive than the last. Finally indulging in the madness he offered, a rapture gripped me.
My thighs clamped together at the thought of his arm around me, creating a delicious friction. I wanted to kneel before him and wash his feet with my hair, binding us together in my devotion. It was clear to me now. He, who was so obviously misguided by hate, had granted me new life.
I caught a faint reflection of myself in the window. My cheeks were flushed and my pupils were heavily dilated.
I no longer saw myself as a cretin but as my true self.
I turned to Shigaraki, dazed, "Thank you." I whispered, repeating it again softly, like a prayer.
He was flustered at my comment and the change in my demeanor. Regardless, a twisted smile graced his lips. "You're welcome Rei." He retorted. No other name was better suited to christen me. It was the same name I called Reiji.
I sat back in my seat, ignoring a giggle bubbling up my throat.
My hand clamped around my mouth in hopes of quelling my laughter which caused my body to jerk. I could feel his eyes on me, "What's so funny?" He murmured which only spurred on my laughter.
It was night now as we walked back to the hideout. The usual city sounds were hushed in the nighttime. With the lack of sun, my exposed skin shivered and puckered in the chilly air.
"I knew you were different." His harsh voice pierced the comfortable silence between us. His hood was down revealing his ashy hair that swayed in the passing breeze. He must have felt emboldened by the veil darkness provided. It was reckless to walk around with no disguise but he probably knew that. He made it known by his jaunty walk that the night belonged to him. It was such a stark contrast to earlier in the day when he slunk about.
"All of the other doctors were so annoying. Always crying, begging. You never once begged, not even the first day. Was your life that shitty before?" His contemptuous tone lessened as he went on.
"I'm not so different." I answered simply.
The only difference between me and the others was that I had given in to his whims. Perhaps, the others had families that tethered them to reality whereas I was adrift and vulnerable to his sway.
"Then?" He pressed, not letting up on his haughtiness.
I felt flattered by his insistence and chose my words with care.
"My life was easy and predictable. I didn't hate it. But it felt empty, the people I cared about were taken away from me. Now, I feel like you've given my life purpose. Even if it is for evil." I tried to keep my voice steady but it faltered towards the end.
He gave a sharp bark of laughter that made me jolt, "Good, good. Here then," Shigaraki shrugged off and tossed his sweater my way, "Can't have our doctor catch a cold, now hm." I wrapped the black hooded sweatshirt around my shoulders. His scent renewed my earlier wish of wanting to feel his closeness again, I tried my best to conceal a growing smile.
The dark alley we walked down blocked out all pervading sounds coming from the street. In no time we rounded the corner and entered the back way to the hideout.
Two new faces greeted me when we entered the bar area. A dark-haired man, covered in charred skin, leaned idly against the wooden counter while a young teenage girl, perched on the black bar stool, kicked her legs back and forth. Both leerily regarded me before directing their attention to Shigaraki.
"Have you gotten over your tantrum?" I watched the strained purple skin move around the unknown man's mouth. "Looks like the gang is all here," He ignored the comment and spread his arms wide. "Well, introductions are in order it seems. Doc, meet our newest members; Dabi, Toga, don't kill her – she's the only doctor we have."
Dabi shot me a glare while the young girl, Toga, hopped down and buzzed about me. "Oh, a doctor! Y'know I kinda wanted to be a one when I grew up! Tell me Doc, were you splattered in blood every day? Being surrounded by blood bags…that sounds like heaven!" She lolled out her tongue at the thought all the while tugging at my sleeve. She endeared me with the crazed look in her eyes.
"Call me Rei," I winked down at her. She gave wide twisted smile. Toga was cute, in psychotic Madhatter way.
With the ice somewhat broken we all gathered at bar with Kurogiri standing on the other side, polishing a set of glass cups. Shigaraki came alive as he detailed the first stage of his grand plan. A wicked glee seized him as he described how we would eliminate the shining star of higher hero society; All Might. While a little half-baked, his plan impressed me and the others. I could tell they were convinced by the way their fingers twitched at the mention of fulfilling Stain's will.
It was late in the night now and everyone went their separate ways once the plan moving forward was set. After directing Toga to my room, I tried to catch up with Dabi. His blackened skin still stuck out in my mind. With his hand ready to push the back door open I called out to him, "Wait, the skin on your neck – it's peeling off." He reach back and traced his finger across the loosened flap and clicked his tongue. With quick decisive steps he was in front of me suddenly, looking down at me with a bored expression. "Listen, you may be Shigaraki's little pet but don't think you're doing yourself any favors by helping me sweetheart." He leaned over so that his mouth hovered by my ear. The tone in his voice cut me down with its' iciness.
With one last lingering look, he pushed the door open and disappeared into the night.
Title End Card: Sleepy Lagoon by Harry James