A/N – SPOILERS for the manga and the ending.

Chapter 9

They set out tonight.

Swallowing down the unease was impossible by that point, particularly when she caught sight of such deadliness in Deidara's expression as he checked over his supplies. It reminded her of the night they met and the village they'd ruthlessly destroyed, and upon noticing it, Shizuku was forced to face facts that she would ultimately be doing the same.

They were ordered to capture a tailed beast – she was ordered to participate and prove her worth by the leader of their wretched organisation.

Papa, Mama, what do I do?

While it was impossible to forget what was being asked of her or what she was being prepared to do, Shizuku naively never pictured herself going through with any of it.

A tailed beast was apparently just as big as her titan form, with impressive destructive powers that unavoidably caused panic and fear. From the way Sasori and Deidara spoke of the beast, they made it sound as though they were in control of their strengths and possessed few weaknesses. Going up against such power was terrifying and belatedly, Shizuku realised she was shaking while gathering her belongings, enough so that she dropped her precious green cloak.

What do I do?

She couldn't kill someone. Beast or not, they were potentially just like her.

Steady hands grabbed the cloak and a small noise of worry left her as she lunged for it once more, stilling any attempts to move it.

"Stop," ordered Deidara. He gave a firm tug on the material like he was trying to gain her attention, and she looked to him fearfully. He'd already expressed wants to get rid of her cloak and it brought forth the worst pains in her chest merely considering him going through with it. "I'm helping you."

Helping…?

With obvious uncertainty, she nodded but continued to hold tight, soon enough bringing the cloak to her chest to show she wasn't ready to pack it yet. Fortunately for her fraying nerves, Deidara appeared to understand to an extent and set to packing the rest of her belongings away. The only items he left out were a clean set of clothing that had yet to be destroyed in training, the bland colours matching his own. To go with the outfit, she had a pair of boots and a beige coloured pouch that was considerably smaller than the ones Deidara owned.

"The beast," she tried, only to freeze at the meeting of their eyes again. "Bad?"

Something in her expression had him hesitating to answer, Shizuku noticed. It also forced him to remain as composed as possible, with his features smoothing out while he answered, "Yeah. He's a bad person."

She shifted closer to try and read his expression better, because she had to know the truth. Killing some innocent person for something they couldn't help… "How?"

"The jinchūriki who houses the tailed beast is someone who takes pleasure in murdering others," replied Deidara at length, seemingly unable to look away from her. "His own village fears and resents him. We'll be doing them a favour."

He was lying, Shizuku noticed after a short pause. Maybe not entirely, but he was definitely only telling her half a story. Deidara was trying way too hard to remain composed – nothing like how he usually was. He'd always been so blunt with her and his expressions raw with their emotions. It was how she knew where she stood with him, only now, it looked as though he was slipping into a colder mindset. Distancing himself, in a sense.

"Protecting them? Other people?"

"You mean are we going to be protecting the villagers?" She nodded. "They're not on our hitlist, if that's what you're asking."

But they weren't safe either.

What do I do?

For all her talk of doing whatever she had to do to return home, Shizuku found herself freezing up at the thought of harming innocent people. Terrorising a village just as the pair had been when they first met unsettled her stomach greatly, especially when she stupidly reminded herself of the poor woman in the shop and the fear she displayed when in Deidara's presence.

"I'm scared," Shizuku admitted in the hopes it would ease some of the tension in her chest. It didn't.

"I'd be surprised if you weren't."

He was quiet while finishing her packing and Shizuku took the opportunity to look around the clearing that'd been home for several weeks. Sasori was nowhere to be seen and it had her frowning unsurely, twisting her body around to check the space behind her, but there was nothing. He was seemingly gone.

"He's switching bodies," explained Deidara like that even made any goddamn sense to her. The way he said it, so calm and blasé, was enough to bring forth a disbelieving laugh that had him faltering. "What is it?"

What was it? Did he really need to ask such a stupid question? Sasori was switching bodies. In what world was that normal?

"Oi–"

Shizuku pressed a hand to Deidara's chest when he leaned towards her, initially intending to halt his movements but being stunned by his hand swiftly grabbing hers. He didn't push her away like she'd assumed he would. Didn't hurl any insults at her. No, Deidara displayed that interest of his once more by holding on tight, brow slowly furrowing when his attention strayed to their hands. He appeared more troubled by the contact than anything and it left her hesitating to make any moves.

Was he…?

Was this…?

Yes, instincts screamed. There was no mistaking the change in the air around them when their gazes connected, or the strange pounding of her heart when Deidara relaxed his hold on her hand to allow him to graze his fingers down the length of her arm, settling on Shizuku's elbow.

"Help you feel human," he quietly repeated, jaw clenching. His following scoff was barely even audible. "Do you even know what you're asking for, you idiot?"

How did she respond to that without giving herself away? Without making the real intentions known? Everything felt so sickeningly risky, especially with her head being such a mess.

"You," she whispered, deciding to use the limited speech to her advantage.

He was as forthright as his formidable attacks. Visibly damning all his previous reasons to hold back whenever she made her interest known, Deidara leaned forward with a muttered curse, leaving her stunned as his lips sealed over hers without another second of hesitation. There was no build up or gentleness (not that she expected any, given his personality so far). He was completely unrestrained, so maddeningly effortless in banishing all plans or any coherent thoughts from Shizuku's mind. All she could do was cling to him when the increasing pressure of their insistent kisses made her lightheaded and breathless.

The small sound of bliss she made didn't register in her mind – not until Deidara's response to it, anyway. It seemed to spur him on and he finally released her hand to cradle the sides of her face and tangle in her hair, tongue finding hers and dragging more of the noises he evidently enjoyed out of Shizuku.

His searing kisses evoked conflicting foreign sensations she couldn't help but fall victim to. And when Deidara reached for her waist to tug her closer, Shizuku followed her instincts without a second thought, shifting over him with eager hands that restlessly explored his torso. They soon settled in his hair when their lips were separated for too long, forcing them back together with pleasured sighs.

"How's this for human?" came his softened demand, nose brushing along hers.

Confusing as hell.

Rather than responding vocally, Shizuku tugged their bodies closer together and was assured of it being the right move when it evoked a short noise of pleasure.

But Deidara was ending the kiss all too soon and she instinctively sought after his lips, unperturbed by that damned knowing smirk. He made no move to push her away or create a distance of any kind, Shizuku noted once the haze caused by his ministrations began to dissipate. That had to be a good sign.

"As badly as I want to get you out of my system, we don't have the time," Deidara informed her. The lowered tone of his voice and simmering stare that took its sweet time in admiring the lack of space between their bodies alerted Shizuku to the awakened need burning within, and she wondered how deeply it ran for him. "Sasori will be returning soon."

Pushing too much now could backfire, she decided. So, Shizuku accepted the words with a silent nod and shuffled backwards off his lap, goosebumps breaking out across her skin when she found her body instantly missing his warmth.

"Soon," she found herself suggesting without really intending to. But it was too late to take the words back now, and part of her felt comforted by the flash of softness that entered his usually arrogant features. Even if Deidara hadn't intended on her seeing it or hadn't meant for it to be there period, there was no missing it. "Out of my system too."

He laughed at that and she grinned widely at the hand reaching for hers, effortlessly pulling Shizuku to her feet.

Sand was her enemy.

Exploring new surroundings and nature in general was always so fascinating to Shizuku, especially after being confined to one specific location for so long. The change in scenery before they actually entered the desert was drastic and she'd faltered in continuing forward to admire it a few moments longer. It stretched out for as far as she could see in every direction, seeming to vast and endless and making Shizuku wonder how they were even going to find a village when it appeared as though there was nothing for tens of miles. It was intimidatingly beautiful. And that was before considering the blistering heat they had to contend with.

Then she'd tried to catch up to the other two who hadn't bothered to wait for her, and holy shit, did that opinion change fast. Slipping and sinking and finding herself awkwardly and slowly marching forward had her growing irritated within minutes and to prove the disliking, Shizuku demanded to stand alongside Deidara on the creature he travelled on.

Whether it was down to their heated moment together or the sudden intense graveness of his features that told Shizuku he was serious, Deidara didn't argue. Merely helped her into position by his side, blue eye distant like he could see the village they were heading to already. It had nothing on the deadliness of Sasori's unblinking stare, though.

The four-day journey was made up of mostly silence and even now, after so many days to adjust to the new body, Shizuku couldn't control the way her gaze continuously strayed to Sasori.

He looked as though he'd aged decades. Gone was the poppy hair, lidded eyes and lean stature. It was replaced by what she presumed would usually be a hulking figure, had the body he now possessed not been plagued by a horrendous hunchback. Before Sasori was adorning the strange straw-like hat, she noted that his hair was a dull shade of black now, and braided into five neat lines. It was all a startling difference compared to his previous form, which was young and admittedly beautiful. Now, Sasori was old, seemingly weak and looked to be at a huge disadvantage in any kind of hand-to-hand combat.

What was the use in such an old body that was evidently slowing him down?

But Shizuku knew better than to ask. Even when curiosity kept her up later than usual at night and she continuously caught herself openly staring at him, she bit her tongue. Just in case he misjudged the puppet.

After all, if he died, then surely that meant she was free?

As wrong as it felt wishing death on a person, Shizuku hoped it would happen. She sincerely hoped Sasori somehow died during their mission.

But how would Deidara respond?

Did it really matter?

Repressing a sigh as the heat continued to drain Shizuku of her energy while she roasted alive, she glanced over at Deidara, quietly assessing his profile.

Not much changed since their kiss. They were no more affectionate than prior. Seemingly not much closer either. It brought forth a horrible sense of incompetence, leaving Shizuku victim to foolish thoughts of whether she was any good at it or not. From what she could recall, Deidara was her first kiss and like the animals of the forest oftentimes had, she chose to relinquish all control to her instincts and allowed them to guide her. Was that wrong? Was she worried simply because of her ulterior motives or was that seriously a pang of disappointment resounding throughout her chest at the thought of Deidara being put off?

"We're close."

It looked like every other part of the desert they'd wandered through and ridiculously, she hoped that meant the village was hidden from view, that they couldn't infiltrate. If they couldn't enter then that meant the people were safe. There would be no blood shed.

But of course, her life was never so simple and just as the sun began to set and the temperature threatened to nosedive, humongous walls that stood out proudly even from miles away came into view. The sight of them had her heart sinking, because Shizuku knew that within the next couple of hours, she would be inside those walls and most likely in titan form.

Basic titan instincts weren't impossible to ignore, however the same could be said about falling back on them during times of great duress. The plan was for her training to aid Shizuku in striking hard and she prayed that was enough to prevent any further skirmishes. That way they could leave the villagers alone while snatching away the jinchūriki, though saying that, if he was as hated as Deidara insisted he was, then surely they wouldn't put up a fight either way?

When Shizuku questioned as much, it was Sasori who informed her of the system the hidden villages had in place. Each one possessed a tailed beast, some more than others – nine in total – and although they feared them deeply and despised the people who housed them, they were their greatest weapons. No shinobi village in their right mind would allow their most destructive weapon to be taken.

The one they would be facing was known to possess an ultimate defence, one Deidara appeared unsettlingly excited to push to the brink. According to the pair, exhausting a jinchūriki was essentially useless because they would tire out first and leave themselves wide open. They needed to strike relentlessly until they broke through his guard.

How the hell did they break through an ultimate defence? The clue was in the damn name.

By the time the village was close enough for Shizuku to hear the life it housed, night had fallen. Unlike the other two who stood stoically and unaffected while considering the sandy village, her arms wrapped determinedly around her midsection to fight off the bone-deep chill that pulsated through her.

She wished she could vanish into the darkness that blanketed them. All Shizuku could imagine was children being settled into their beds and being told bedtime stories just as she had. She envisioned their illusions of safety being shattered as she callously tore through their beloved homes.

A threat to humanity.

Were they all shinobi like Sasori and Deidara? Could they fight her off and defend themselves? Uchiha Itachi's words moments before he attempted to end her life stated otherwise and they left her torn.

Maybe some of them would be strong enough to take her down.

Inhaling deeply when the two men stalked forward silently, Shizuku attempted to steel her resolve.

She hoped they were.

"Between his tenacity and my roots in this village, Deidara is enough to capture the Ichibi singlehandedly," drawled Sasori during the short walk. "However, Leader-sama wishes to test your strength, just as I intend to familiarise myself with utilising you."

Utilising?

Surprising her, Deidara hummed and looked towards the hunchbacked puppet, questioning, "You really want to take that level of risk during our mission?"

"I see no reasonable cause for concern," came the offhanded reply that disturbed her deeply. "Worst case scenario is they destroy her titan form."

Asshole, she mentally hissed and though she could have imagined it, Shizuku was certain the flash in Deidara's previously composed expression screamed the same obscenities.

"Making her a liability," argued the blond.

"Only if you allow it to."

The words were colder than the temperature and had Shizuku fighting to hide a reaction from showing.

What made it all the worse was the knowing lapse in conversation, because combined with it was Sasori's heavy stare that seemed all the more disconcerting in his new body as it bore into Deidara's profile.

"Well, Deidara?" he muttered gravelly, nothing like the smoothness of his previous voice. "Will you?"

He didn't look at either of them. Didn't make any indication to so much as acknowledge the taunt so evident even in his toneless voice.

Instead, Deidara took off into the sky with an intense flap of his creature's wings, forcing Shizuku to protect her eyes when they unsympathetically disturbed the sand and threatened to blind her.

A quiet scoff, and then, "Transform."

Wide eyes snapped to his lifeless ones. "I…"

"Either you transform of your own accord, or I will force it."

Force it? How the hell was that even possible?

No, Shizuku shut out the defiance. The real question was: was she really willing to risk giving up even an ounce of control to him? Even if her titan form wasn't up to a shinobi's level, it could still do damage. It would still take the people of the village time to figure out weaknesses and that simply wasn't a luxury they had on their side, not with Deidara and Sasori there too. If the villagers wanted to stand a chance in surviving, then it was best she be the one in control.

So despite the weight in her stomach threatening to immobilise her, she transformed.

The sharp crash of lightning was what alerted the people of Suna to an attack, though what really got them in motion was the sight of her smashing through their allegedly impenetrable walls like she was merely kicking a child's sandcastle over, stumbling into their village as she attempted to adjust to the sand.

Shrieks of terror and disbelief blared like sickening sirens in her mind, threatening to disorientate Shizuku when it all quickly became too much. Still, she pushed on, pretending as though it was merely coincidence how her feet never came crashing down on buildings or people during the walk further into the village, hoping and praying with every fibre of her huge ass self that they didn't try fighting back. They needed to run and save themselves.

Please run!

She looked to Sasori questioningly when he leapt to her shoulder, and like he could sense her demands, muttered, "The jinchūriki is headed our way."

What was she supposed to be on the lookout for? What did a tailed beast even look like? They were supposedly just as big as herself and obviously, she knew this particular one only possessed one tail. But what did it look like? What was its powers? How did she battle it? Did she approach it like one of the wild animals of the forest?

"He's here."

The wind was promptly knocked out of Shizuku before she even registered Sasori's warning, and she stumbled back in disbelief, lost on what the hell just happened. All the while she cursed herself for stepping backwards onto one of the houses, stomach lurching uneasily as she tried to pretend it was empty.

It had to be empty.

Whatever struck her was enough to cause a decent amount of damage, but Shizuku refused to show as much as she straightened up and into her fighting stance, arms coming up to guard her neck and fists clenched. Her eyes narrowed while glancing up once more to meet the furious glare of the tailed beast.

But then they widened impossibly upon meeting not a beast's eye, but a person. A young man who couldn't have been much younger than herself.

"You're hesitating."

The boy levitated around eye level with her on what appeared to be a platform of sand, but wisely kept a distance that she couldn't help but notice was just longer than her arms. It told her the person she was facing was intelligent, for not many could complete such calculations while under a great amount of strain. He didn't even look startled at the sight of her titan form and kept everything hidden beneath a cool mask of indifference.

What's more, Shizuku quickly became aware of the villagers dashing away until they were far behind him like he'd erected an invisible barrier between them. Even with the distinct and sickening sense of fear clogging up the air in unmanageable waves that felt like they were wrapping around her, they found comfort, of sorts, in his presence.

This was the monster?

"It seems I will have to intervene after all."

What?

But there was no time to argue or fight back and Shizuku was horrified when her limbs moved without permission. That unsettling sense of being wrapped up in fear became a choking reality as she realised it wasn't the villagers' fear she was sensing. No, it was her own as Sasori somehow managed to manipulate her every move with odd shimmering blue strings. They were what she sensed wrapping around her.

The yells and pleas she made within her titan were powerful enough to be voiced by the titan too, and Gods, did Shizuku scream. She begged with everything she had as Sasori had her lashing out without a shred of remorse.

Each crumbling building, every cry of terror from the ground below, the unmistakable booms of Deidara's bombs as he targeted the walls of the village to distract the other shinobi…

"Stop it," she begged deep inside of the titan, heart sinking because she knew Sasori wouldn't hear that. No, all the people on the outside heard were deafening screams and yells that would only serve to frighten them more, for they made her sound rabid. Like a real monster. "Please, stop!"

The air distorted with each strong swipe of her arms, but much to her gratefulness, it seemed Sasori couldn't force her to use chakra even with his strange manipulation. All he could do was make her lash out and destroy and damn it, no matter how much she resisted, he remained in control.

Could the jinchūriki see Sasori? That was their best bet, wasn't it? Shizuku wasn't sure how deep the puppetry technique ran, or whether he could continue to manipulate her form even if she was taking severe damage. The red-haired man opposite them needed to take Sasori out to reduce the risk to the village and once she was in control, she could run. She could leave them.

But Deidara–

No. It didn't matter. He couldn't matter.

But despite her firm decision, a horrendous weight wrapped around her heart similarly to the sand that suddenly wound itself around her legs, bringing her back to the present and hoping this was it. Whatever strange technique the boy was using would end all their suffering. The grip was strong enough to prevent further movement on her part even with Sasori's strings, and a short sound of fear spilled from Shizuku's lips as she was dragged downwards, movements restricted by the sandy restraints similarly to the night she met Sasori and Deidara.

The redhead's stoic expression didn't falter for a second, not even when he was summoning a humongous spear seemingly out of nowhere and leaving her in a state of horrified disbelief. His cold gaze remained locked on hers and she felt dread trickling down her spine when her body continued to respond to Sasori rather than her, leaving her at the man's mercy.

"Oi, Sasori–"

But he ignored Deidara's sharp snap of his name and had her meeting the weapon hurtling towards her, intent on going through with his plans of finding out all her strengths and weaknesses.

Unbelievable pain shot through Shizuku and had it not been for Sasori's unwavering puppet strings, she knew the attack would have put her down. Even with his influence it was still enough to throw her backwards and the jinchūriki took full advantage of that with a follow up attack to keep her stunned. Barrages of hardened balls of sand slammed into her, cutting through her like there wasn't even anything there to cause resistance.

"This is my village," she barely heard him warning them in a low growl. "I won't let you harm any of my villagers."

If he was such a monster…

Why was he going all out to protect the village?

The sight of the redhead holding out a single hand had Deidara shockingly soaring over towards them, arms spreading wide as the mouths on his palms chewed furiously. "You're gonna get her killed, Sasori!"

Terror laced through her and inside her titan form, Shizuku teared up.

What–

"Sabaku Kyū!"

No amount of training could have prepared her for the ruthless attack that crushed her lower limbs with an effortlessness that shook her. All senses seemingly vanished, leaving her blind and frightened. She couldn't even voice the agony that wracked through her and Shizuku was at a loss when Sasori's hold on her finally relinquished. With nothing to hold her up, she crashed to the ground, the sounds of distant cheers and praise numbing her mind further.

Why would they appreciate him if he was truly a monster?

If she remained in her titan form any longer (especially with Sasori controlling her and not being able to use any flashy techniques), then she really could die, Shizuku tried to reason with herself as her bleary sights remained locked on the deadly redhead's. But if she left the safety of her titan, who was faster and stronger and more resilient, then he could kill her in an instant. Reverting back was worse than remaining.

What was she supposed to do? When it was so clear Sasori didn't care what happened to her? When he couldn't utilise her full strengths but wasn't willing to let her take control and hold them back?

It quickly became apparent she didn't need to worry.

"Deidara–"

"Go fuck yourself, yeah," came his snarled response.

"You–"

Luckily for her, she was able to open her burning eyes just enough to take note of Deidara's stance. She could hear enough to give up with her wrecked titan form and left it with a sharp gasp for breath, one that remained trapped in her lungs when the blond swooped down without warning. Snatching her out of the confinements with a rough arm slamming into her midsection, Deidara had them up in the air in moments, swinging Shizuku round until her chest was pressing firmly to his back, the hand on her waist never loosening its intense grip for even a second.

However, she should have known it wouldn't stop there. Of course it wouldn't.

Humongous sandy hands followed on their heels, and Shizuku's reddened eyes were wide with horror when one almost caught them. The jinchūriki hadn't even moved from his position on his platform, using only his hands as a strange controller of sorts to manipulate the sand lunging at them repeatedly.

This world was…

She wanted off. She wanted out. Their world was pure insanity and it was dangerous and it left her so confused and disorientated that it was infuriating.

Clutching a tighter hold of Deidara until her chest was flush against his back, arms locking around him desperately, Shizuku kept her fearful gaze on the sandy clutches that continued to chase them. Even when the blond released small bombs to try and throw the jinchūriki's technique off course, they continued to come. Frustratingly relentless and what made it so much worse was that when Shizuku managed to glance around at the blurred world when they dipped down into the streets, forcing the jinchūriki to reconsider his moves as his people were put at risk, she found Sasori was nowhere to be seen.

He'd disappeared.

"D-D-Deidara…"

"Don't," he muttered lowly, hair blowing back off his features as he had them soaring through the chaotic streets and eyes narrowing dangerously.

Adrenaline surged through her in confusing addicting waves. Every time Shizuku was so certain they would crash, they evaded whatever was in their path at the very last second. It caused her breath to catch repeatedly because following their dangerous steering were loud crashes and screams, and when she looked over her shoulder, she found the sand too powerful and too fast to change its course as suddenly as they had. Sometimes it succeeded and the target was spared, but Deidara made it impossible to predict where they would be or what was coming next.

At the rate they were going…

There was going to be nothing left.

"We need to end this now," growled Deidara.

He glanced over his shoulder not at her, but at whatever was closing in on them. Shizuku no longer had the nerve to check in her overwhelmed state. Between the poor civilians screaming and the village being wrecked… She couldn't concentrate. It was all too much.

The red-haired boy spun the moment they returned, his dark-rimmed eyes narrowing dangerously. It was the only warning she got before Deidara's flying grew more erratic, stomach lurching when a large hand grabbed her waist to keep them together when the quick jolts and changes threatened to dislodge her. More barrages of sand hurtled towards them at breath-stopping speeds and Shizuku was dazed, wondering just how the hell she ever could have thought for even a second that she stood a chance. The abilities of this strange world were… They were abnormal.

"Before he decides to hell with it and transforms."

Wait, if he wanted to end it quickly, then…

No…

"N-No–"

But he wouldn't listen. Didn't even acknowledge her as she struggled to create distance between their bodies. Instead, he grinned nastily at the jinchūriki who finally lost that unsettling composure, his icy glare darting to the villagers below him with tangible fear and desperation.

"It's you or them, Sabaku no Gaara," laughed Deidara.

"Don't–" she tried to beg.

But the bomb was already being released without a second thought and her heart skipped a beat at the sheer size of it and the darkness it bathed the village in with its impressive shadow.

Without a doubt, it was going to wipe them all out.

Please! Please be able to do something!

Her widened gaze darted back to the jinchūriki when he began to move, hands trembling while raising like they were fighting off an invisible force attempting to restrain him. But he was determined, teeth gritting and the strain showed on his features, prompting her to glance downwards, jaw dropping in disbelief when the ground trembled warningly before lurching upwards. Somehow, he managed to guide the sand around the villagers even as they ran for their lives, hardening once tens of feet above their heads and forming a barrier between the three of them and the innocent lives below.

He…

He was focusing too heavily on the others and she noticed instantly that his own guard was going to take too long to form.

Deidara seemed to notice too.

Tears stung Shizuku's eyes as she witnessed the heroic act. The man didn't even hesitate to put everyone before himself, leaving himself unguarded while focusing on protecting his villagers.

And then the bomb detonated with a blinding flash of light, its powerful shockwaves threatening to throw them off course, but no matter how hard it hit them, she couldn't look away from the redhead.

He wasn't a monster at all.

She'd just killed an innocent man.

The jinchūriki – Gaara, as Deidara called him – was much smaller up close and with his porcelain skin and dark rimmed eyes, he almost looked more like a doll than a person. It didn't help matters that he was unconscious in the unyielding hold of Deidara's clay bird, the floppiness of his limbs setting the hairs on the back of Shizuku's neck on end.

Luckily for her, most of the journey to wherever they were headed next was spent in a protective, dissociative blur, one that even the fuming partners couldn't drag her out of with their arguing. From what she could tell at the start of the journey, however, Deidara wasn't mad at her. No, his ire was directed entirely at Sasori and for a guy who seemingly wasn't tied down by human emotions, the guy possessed an awful lot of anger towards Deidara too.

Not that that even mattered.

She was a murderer.

It didn't even occur to her that they separated from Sasori at some point, though when it did, there was no ignoring the sinking of her heart at the implications of the person tailing them being dealt with. And it was from that point that the blur vanished, plunging Shizuku headfirst into the sickening waves of guilt and despair that she really did deserve to drown in.

How could she have so willingly played a part?

Just as she followed the masochistic urge of glancing over her shoulder at the motionless redhead, that damned cloak filled her vision and blocked him from her, his hand discreetly slipping to her elbow to tug Shizuku forward once more.

No, Deidara wasn't angry with her, Shizuku confirmed at the firm setting of his jaw, but he wasn't exactly thrilled either. And why would he be?

She had achieved exactly what she'd impulsively planned only a couple of weeks ago: wormed her way in. Had they continued to work at the level they were at when they first met, then without a shadow of a doubt, Shizuku knew she would be dead right now. There wasn't a chance in hell Deidara would save her strange ass in the beginning – hell, he'd repeatedly made it known he could happily end her life at any given moment. What's more, even as they grew closer, the blond made it known that he would never intervene with Sasori's art.

For him to go against all that he once believed in was…

It unnerved him, Shizuku noted at the abrupt dropping of his hand once Sasori started talking.

"It seems you cannot use the hardening technique Itachi-san mentioned," came his displeased drawl. "However, I will deal with you after the extraction. We have made the others wait long enough."

No matter how quiet and unaffected he tried to appear, there was no mistaking the gritting of Deidara's teeth.

"I advise you not to stand in my way this time, Deidara," Sasori continued in a cold voice as they were granted entry to the hideout.

As badly as she wanted to look up at him, Shizuku knew she couldn't risk making the situation worse for him. Not now that they'd arrived at their destination and found the rest of the organisation already waiting there, all in their shadowy forms rather than being physically present.

Would there be some form of punishment for him if the leader found out he'd intervened? Was it classed as treason or insubordination to go against their partners? How much trouble would Deidara be in?

The questions flew through Shizuku's mind without her permission and prompted horrifying scenarios to quickly follow. All of them ended badly for the blond and while he wasn't exactly innocent or undeserving of punishment for his crimes, the thought of another death weighing on her conscience was enough to turn her stomach.

The thought of Deidara's death in particular was…

Shizuku shook the damning thoughts away.

"Well done on completing your mission."

She longed for that dissociation to return stronger than ever as they discussed their next plans, and how the extraction would work. Instead, Shizuku had to watch in horror as the jinchūriki was tossed carelessly to the ground, his doll-like features that were already messy and grazed taking another harsh graze up the side of his face. She could do nothing but stare when that unsettling statue appeared seemingly out of nowhere. She was powerless to the eventual starting of the extraction ritual, heart lurching at the immediate tortured screams that came from Gaara as he awoke in response to the pain he was in.

The man who'd essentially given his life to protect the rest of his village. The one who'd stopped at nothing to try and take her down. The one who, despite what she was previously told, others found comfort in when he appeared to face her.

Someone had come after them, no doubt trying to save the young man who was now screaming in agony, body contorting into an unnatural position.

It went on for hours. Threatening to drive her insane when he just kept screaming.

Please stop screaming, she wanted to beg as the harrowing sounds echoed in her mind.

How was no one else affected by his suffering? How could they all stand there so stoically and continue to torture him? What the hell was the point in any of it? And was their cause really worth the lives of others?

He was in so much pain, Shizuku thought brokenly, unable to avert her gaze from the redhead's wide, sightless eyes.

No, not just in pain. He was dying.

At some point during the extraction process, he finally lost his voice, turning his screams of agony to gargled noises in the back of his throat. Somehow, they cut much deeper than the screaming and Shizuku regretted her selfish wishes of him shutting up.

This isn't right.

"This doesn't define you," came her father's stern words. Keeping a tight grasp of her hair as she dashed forward, he leaned closer to her, his steely eyes narrowing fractionally. "You're not like the titans that previously plagued our world. You're good, Shizuku."

She couldn't let this continue.

"Keep moving, Shizuku," stressed her mother. "We've got your back, no matter what."

Her jaw clenched tight enough to cause shooting pains up her teeth and gums.

No matter what...

"We'll find you," they promised fiercely.

She looked to Deidara apologetically, hoping then knowing her intentions landed with him, for his blue eyes widened and his hands broke the seal for the extraction.

"Don't–"

But her hand was already to her mouth and biting down harshly, the flow of her blood as immediate as the flash of lightning that cracked down on them all, obliterating the cave that had been chosen.

Although her heart ached at the betrayal in Deidara's eyes that only amplified as she started to grow in size, her huge hand was already outstretched and snatching Gaara up during the chaos created by her transforming, the winds and destruction powerful and keeping them separated.

She couldn't let an innocent man die.

A/N - Next chapter is the final chapter of this commissioned story! Thank you to those who have commented and supported it!