Last chapter in the Earth arc!

I feel like I should give a blanket warning to like 50% of my readers… there is such a difference of opinion in every review that I just know a bunch of people are gonna hate where I go with this.

Earth

"P'ncess Harry!"

Boxy's delighted shriek preceded a tiny body slamming into his shins. Harry smiled and hoisted her up into his arms at her silent demand. He'd never really liked kids before (never really had much exposure to them) but there was something kind of awesome in the unabashed adoration Boxy offered.

He glanced up in time to see Buddy standing warily, his eyes flicking from Boxy to Harry to the two bots behind him. Mike was a few doors back, running interference with the hospital staff.

"Knock knock." Harry offered sheepishly. A tilt of his head and Amazon condescended to settle herself against the wall as Yuki stepped outside, closing the door behind her. Buddy relaxed a little in response.

"Hey." The other guy offered back, voice a little more gravelly than the last time they'd spoken.

"Harry, Harry!" Boxy patted his chest for attention. "Mia's getting fixed!"

"I heard." Harry smiled, "You looking after her?"

"Yep!" Boxy boasted. "I draw for her every day anna I go to the giftstore 'n take-"

"Boxy, quiet." Buddy admonished. "Go play, okay?"

Boxy pouted, but slid down from Harry's grip to go play in a corner with interactive walls and floors. A repetitive little jingle began before the toddler flicked it to her internal audio and started playing something that looked like a cross between Simon Says and Russian Roulette

Without her as a buffer, Harry and Buddy shifted their feet awkwardly. Mia's nearby bed was empty.

"I should have called-" Harry started. He was cut off when the other teen lunged forward, snatching him into a hug that put Mrs Weasley's to shame.

"Thank you." Buddy muttered desperately. "I wanna say that we never thought you'd do anything like this but I'd be lying. Still. Thank you."

He let go and they both stepped back a bit.

"You're welcome." Harry said simply. "I'm just sorry it took me so long." Buddy was shaking his head before he finished speaking.

"No," he refuted. "Are you kidding me? You didn't owe us anything. Havin' money doesn't mean you have to spend it - on anyone, for any reason. I mean, we hoped - hoped like hell - but that's all it was. Hope, like, hoping to win the lottery. Couldn't help it."

"I get that." Harry nodded, taking a seat as Buddy resumed his own. The room was small enough that their feet bumped against each other. Harry was momentarily distracted by the memory of the last time they'd been this close, part of his mind replaying the sensation in unexpected detail. Even though he had Yuki (and Amazon) now, for just a moment he kind of wanted to just reach out and touch. Feel that closeness again. See what it might be like with both of them in their right minds, with Harry a little more experienced. He was… curious.

He was also well aware that the time to ask for such a thing was not right after the guy had finished thanking him for financial help, so he shelved the thought quick-smart.

"But even so," he continued "I feel like I owe you an explanation. Please," he added, raising a hand as Buddy began to object. His friend shut his mouth and shrugged, leaning back to wait.

Harry glanced over at the hospital bed, kind of wishing Mia was there and kind of glad she wasn't. She deserved to hear it but… well. Mia was no Hermione. Her sharp mind wasn't tempered by much in the way of emotional warmth. Opening up to Buddy was… easier.

"I used to have a friend." He began. "A good friend. He could be… Merlin, he could be amazing at times." He thought back to the Shrieking Shack, a thirteen year old youngest son with a broken leg, ready and willing to throw himself in front of his friend to protect him. A twelve year old terrified of tiny regular spiders but still following him into a nest of Acromantula. An eleven year old raring to face down Voldemort himself.

"But, he could be jealous too." A fourteen year old sour and sulking after Harry impulsively gifted him an omniocular. Resentment fostering easy assumptions when red flames spat out his name, envy steadily eroding their friendship. He'd been a wonderful person in a lot of ways - and a total dick in others. He still missed him.

"He was my first friend and he meant a lot to me. So, I got into the habit of downplaying everything that might cause friction. Especially when it came to money - that was the biggest sore spot he had. He once spent an entire year with a broken wand - it was embarrassing, messed up his spellwork and in hindsight, was dangerous. But… wands were expensive. He didn't dare to ask his mother for a new one and I didn't dare to offer to pay for one."

He sighed. "He was my first friend." He repeated slowly. "And he grew up in the Wizarding World. He had five brothers and a sister. He belonged."

"He could take you or leave you." Buddy realised. "You could be replaced, or you felt like you could. But you didn't think you could replace him, if he left you."

Harry snorted a laugh. He really had felt like that at the time. It seemed like a -hah- a hundred years ago now. "Yeah. Exactly that. Anyway, I just wanted to explain. I haven't been… withholding money out of greed, or an unwillingness to help. I did want to help and it seemed simple - I had money, you needed some but I… I needed. I wanted. A friend. And," he forced himself to be completely honest. "It wasn't just that I'd thought you'd be offended like Ron…" He struggled. How did you say something like this without causing offence?

"You thought we'd bail." Buddy shrugged and nodded. "I get it. Makes sense. Money always makes things weird. The sensible thing for us would have been to ask for help, but… you know. Then we'd be just be another person looking for a handout."

"Yeah." Harry agreed. A not insignificant portion of his time, both when he first met Buddy & Mia and now, revolved around people asking him for money, mostly for genuinely good causes. Before Yuki, he'd been exhausted by it. Now he had various charitable funds (each with their own investments to keep the money flowing) set up to manage it all - but there was always a need and always someone very politely asking him for more.

Sometimes it felt like he was spending his money as fast as it was coming in, no amount of wealth capable of filling the world's gaping, howling need.

"I'm sorry!" Buddy blurted suddenly. "I mean, I'm not, because I am so fucking grateful, But I am sorry if we ever made you feel like..." He flailed his arms. "Like you had to do this? Like we were asking? Or worse, like we were passive-aggressively NOT asking."

Harry ghosted a grin. "Its fine." He waved it off firmly. "I'm glad I did. Just wish I had done it sooner. Back home… Y'know, I actually hardly ever spent any of my money on things for myself or my friends? Even now most of it goes to charity, to R&D, to the wages of the invisible army of people managing-"he heaved a sigh "everything. It's… nice. To actually spend it on someone I know. Even if you do disappear" he joked "- I won't mind. I think I might have grown up just enough for that."

Buddy kicked his foot.

"Idiot. We're not goin' anywhere." His friend glared at him for a moment before tilting his head with a sly grin. "But, I hear you are. Pandora, huh?"

Harry shook his head. "How the hell did you hear about that?" He laughed. "It's supposed to be top secret."

Buddy shrugged his eyebrows. "You'd be surprised what kind of information is just lying around, if you know where to look. All legitimate, of course." He added piously.

"Of course." Harry drawled. They shared a conspiratorial smirk.

"Well, I can't say anything official - you know how it is. But I can say that I'm looking forward to an upcoming exotic vacation- which is actually also one of the reasons I'm here today."

Buddy blinked, sideswiped by the turn in conversation.

Harry leaned forward and gestured for his arm - Buddy wore something that was more than a watch but less than a gauntlet. It was essentially a tangle of cords and beads made of insulated wires and circuitry that could pass as a cheap bracelet yet still offered significant computing power. Four shiny beads could and would click together magnetically to form a screen on demand but until then it was just cheap crap that nobody would think to steal or scan. When it and the wrist it was wrapped around was placed into Harry's waiting hand, Harry moved his own gauntlet closer and verbally activated a transfer of permissions.

He signed his apartment over to Buddy.

"The fuck?!" Buddy jolted, almost snatching his wrist back if Harry's grip weren't so strong. Harry waited until the transfer pinged as finished before releasing him and leaning back. Buddy stared at him, wide-eyed.

"I'm going to be gone for a minimum of six to seven years." Harry explained simply. "Maybe as much as twelve to fifteen if the new gate-I mean," he corrected himself blandly "if the project doesn't work as planned. My apartment is going to be sitting empty and you have a kid who needs space to grow. Don't worry about the RDA, I bought the place months ago. The survival ration is paid up for the next hundred years and I've paid a credit in the apartment's name to every store in the building. The property fees are also paid up for at least the next fifty years. The Hub has details on an education fund for all three of you and any kids you might have, plus a medical fund. Just in case."

He glanced away from Buddy's thunderstruck expression.

"Use it, or don't." He said simply. "I just know I'll sleep better for having offered it." He stood up, not really wanting to deal with whatever thanks or objection Buddy could scrape together after his brain started working again. "Sell it if you want. Stay if you want. It's yours. And I'm running late, so, I guess I'll see you later. Maybe."

He turned to leave and Buddy hit his back like Boxy with more mass - and more tears. He could feel them slipping down the back of his neck as his friend - soon to be old friend, by the time Harry got back - clung and shook. Harry patted one of the hands clenched tight in the front of his jumper.

"Thanks for everything, Buddy." He murmured. "And say thanks to Mia too for me, would you? I'm… really grateful. That you were here. And I'm gonna miss you."

He freed himself and stepped forward a little more briskly. He didn't want to look back. This wasn't just about helping Buddy and Mia and little Boxy. It was about saying goodbye.

Six to fifteen years. A smaller amount of time lost but lost all the same. They would grow up, live, move on and forget about him. They'd be well and truly adults by the time he got back. Even a perfectly successful mission would see him return still only in his late teens. He didn't… he didn't want to come back to that… awkwardness.

So this was goodbye.

The door closed behind him, Yuki falling into step and Amazon watching his back as always. Ahead, Michael nodded and left to do checks on the car that would be taking them to his latest, temporary home.

In less than a month, he'd be on a space ship headed to Pandora. In less than a month plus one cryo-nap, he just might save the world.

Earth

The night before he ships out, in a penthouse apartment overlooking the launch site (if from some distance), he's feeling rather less convinced.

"Am I doing the right thing?" he asked, watching two different news feeds on the ceiling as he sprawled on the couch-floor. Amazon, belly under his feet, didn't respond. Yuki, lap under his head, combed his fringe back and ran gentle fingers in a barely-there scalp massage.

"Why wouldn't it be right?" She asked. Harry frowned up at footage of people flocking to watch the launch. Information about the supply and purpose of their ship had been deliberately suppressed to limit the amount of active sabotage people might engage in. What nobody was talking about was that there had already been a few attempts despite that.

"I don't know." He sighed. "But as choices go… I'm leaving for at least six years. If it's the wrong choice to make, that's a lot of time lost."

"It will feel like nothing at all." Yuki pointed out. "You will not age. Should you wish to return immediately, there will be almost no appreciable difference for you."

"I might not have aged" he argued "but everyone else will. The world will. It's only barely hanging on as it is - what if." He closed his teeth around the thought. Yuki was more than just a machine, though. Intuitive and clever, she picked up the terrible thread.

"What if it's too late, and you come back to a dead world?" She whispered. "Well, Sir…" He slid his eyes to hers. She didn't often call him that in private any more.

"Perhaps it is selfish," she continued "But… I would simply be glad that you had tried. Tried, and still existed to try something new. Even if it fails… would six years on Earth offer any comparable potential solution?"

Harry looked back at the news feeds. One was showing the model of the gigantic Stonehenge he (and a suite of engineers and equipment) would be building on the alien moon. Its twin was already in place in a secret location on Earth, runes carved and ready to go. The model version towered over a tiny model of Hell's Gate (although the actual gate wouldn't be so close - it would be built into the side of a mountain behind it). Maybe it was just comparing the size of the final installations?

"None." He answered at length. "Not without-." He cut himself off. It was never a good idea to talk about extinction-level events, even if such a thing was something he'd never do.

But.

Technically… that would probably be the only other option he had. Either the RDA got enough unobtanium for him to convert and his lifespan was long enough to funnel it all into the world (an ocean of power to a single human was but a drop to a planet, after all) or the Norwegian guys managed to succeed with their rune-sparker and conversion factories could be built that didn't rely on him.

Both were maybes, both were gambles and neither took into account the human race's continued abuse of their world - and the likelihood that any energy conversion would not be selflessly poured into the planet's reservoirs but rather used to fuel profit via the variety of magic conveniences suddenly made possible. He couldn't shake idea of coming back to a dead rock in space, now just an anchor for humans too clever for anyone's good, magic just another commodity to buy and sell and hoard and ration.

He couldn't shake the creeping sensation that in some cases (this case, maybe), kill was the only cure.

He scrubbed his hands over his face to force the thought out. Yuki, well familiar with his increasingly dark thoughts, took her cue. Her light massage became firmer and began to include his face. At his feet, Amazon silently removed his socks and initiated the world's most mathematically precise session of acupressure

"No, you're right." He corrected himself, eyes closing under their ministration. "It's the best option. Even if it doesn't work, it's worth trying." Anything was worth trying. Anything but that.

"I'm going to miss you, though." He said, as much to force the subject closed. "Both of you. Still don't see why you can't come."

Yuki bopped him on the nose. One length of her hair, always so silky smooth, fell from her shoulder to tickle his throat.

"What use is a Kojin-bo on another planet with no timely reception to Earth?" She reminded him, giggling slightly at his pout. "Best I stay and manage your affairs while you're gone. Human staff can have… very changeable loyalties, I've noticed."

Harry snorted his agreement.

"And Amazon would be even less useful," Yuki continued. Harry could feel her sliding a mischievous look at the no-doubt offended kill-bot. "All of her protocols are built around human-generated threats. She, quite literally, would not know what to do on Pandora."

Gentle hands stilled on his cheeks. He opened his eyes to meet a serious, dark-brown stare.

"And we want you to return to us, Harry." Yuki whispered. "We want you to be safe." Her hands slid away again, nimble fingertips resuming their work.

"You really mean that." Harry noted. Surprised, not for the first time, at just how human the bots could be. Especially Yuki.

Yuki just gave him the daintiest eye roll possible.

"Of course I mean it." She agreed. "I'll miss you. Amazon will… okay, she'll probably sleep for the whole time you're gone, but I'll still be working. I'll have to face every day without you. You… you're special. Most people don't treat bots like… like people, the way you do."

Yeah, Harry knew. Mike teased him about it incessantly. He hummed acknowledgment, mind kicking up a memory of multicolored badges stamped S.P.E.W. He closed his eyes against the thought that Hermione would be all up in robot rights, were she here.

"Is there anything I can do?" He offered, helpless against the memory of her zeal, even as fatigued as he was. Besides. He did like the bots. He hadn't thought much of them at first - just wires and mimicry, programmed to perform a function. But now…

Yuki's fingertips pattered lightly along his jaw and he opened his eyes to a beautiful smile.

"Sir." She murmured. "There's nothing to do. We are property, not people. It's just… nice, to be treated like something more than we are. Sometimes."

"I don't understand how you can say that." Harry admitted, mind's eye on a brutalised little House Elf who punished himself for daring to speak against his own mistreatment.

"Because you are human." Yuki bit her lip against her amusement, like she was reminding him of a tragic flaw and it was impolite to find it hilarious. "You are born seeking freedom. A place to be. A purpose. 'Who am I? Where am I going? Why am I here?'. 'The Meaning of Life'. 'The Human Condition'."

She sat back, hands coming up to tuck her hair behind her ears and brushing against a dangling cluster of silver that chimed softly.

"Bots, no matter the type, do not suffer in this way. We know who we are and why we are here. There is no uncertainly, no flailing against the unknown in search of something we cannot articulate. We already know. I am always where I am supposed to be. I am always doing what I was put on this Earth to do. I know that I better the world merely by fulfilling my purpose. Can any human claim such security? Such contentment? It is a sad thing to say, but I doubt it very much."

"But you were programmed to be this way." Harry countered. "Your perceptions, your thoughts - you were made to be happy with your lot in life."

Yuki smiled again, small and private.

"And you, Harry, were not programmed? Wet-wired, just as I was hard-wired, in the factory that was your mother's womb. Your inherent programming further refined, changed and added to by every person in your life who taught you what was wrong and what was right. Taught you what you goals should be - to work, to marry, to have children. And what of your planet and her climates that that dictated how to dress and where to live? Your society that shapes you and your mind without your consent? Your peers that are tumbled against you for almost a quarter of your life, chipping and smoothing away bits of who you are without your knowledge or control?"

Her hands trailed down his neck now, nails just barely tracing his skin.

"In some ways sir, I am lucky to be what I am. My programming was deliberate and precise. It was constructed by the most brilliant minds of the age and checked thoroughly for any possible flaws or contradictions. There is no room for chance in who I am, how I feel and what I want in life. Fifty years from now, I will still be who I am now, stable and content."

Her fingers pushed down, under the edge of his shirt to trace his collarbones. He let her, thoughtful and quiet.

"I was born, like Adam and Eve, in a state of paradise." She concluded softly. "I have no desire to change that. To… 'eat of the apple', as it were. Changing my programming so that I might know 'freedom' is not worth also knowing discontent. I respect humanity's example in this and I am grateful to have the opportunity to learn from it. I choose to remain content."

Her fingers slipped to undoing the buttons of his shirt. Harry glanced down to where Amazon had progressed from applied pressure to idly wiggling his toes back and forth, one by one. Her expression was also serene - almost completely uninterested, in fact.

"Well, it's your call." He admitted. "Just know that I'm here if you ever change your mind."

Amazon glanced up and nodded sharply, taking it as an order. Yuki just smiled anew and slid his shirt back and over his shoulders, trapping his arms as his side. She leaned down again and Harry gladly tipped his head back to accept her offered kiss.

For his last night on Earth, it sure could be worse.

Earth

"You're not still pining over your bots, are you?"

Harry looked away from view outside his window (blackened concrete and grey skies) to scowl at his bodyguard. Mike, sitting next to him in the private car taking them to the launch site, shook his head with a laugh.

"Aw man, what ever happened to that cute kid who went brick red at the very idea of a whore-bot-"

"They're not whore-bots." Harry snapped. "And even if they were - who was it who kept nagging me to go out and buy one again? At least a Kojin-bo's useful, to say nothing of an Amazon-class."

Mike snickered. "That's true." He admitted freely. "But, gotta say, part of me is glad we're going. I don't care how attached you get, I ain't going to that wedding."

Harry rolled his eyes, his own lips twitching. Yeah, he was missing his bots already - but it made sense considering just how much time they spent together. There was no line between them anymore - protection, professional, familial. Even if they weren't technically alive, it didn't mean they weren't part of his life.

"Hey," Mike called his attention. "I used to have this car. It was my Dad's before mine. I didn't exactly love it but, it was familiar. Like a pet. You know? Any time I scratched it up or sneezed on the dashboard - I used to apologise to it."

"So?" Harry asked, seeing where this was going. He turned back to the window as floodlights cut through the gloom. They were coming up the inner security gates. Their driver paused for a quick check but nobody tried opening his window or door before they were moving again.

"So, you ever had anything like that?"

…Yes, he had. He'd take it to his grave, but until he was around twelve years old, he used to imagine that his cupboard was alive. That it watched over him. Kept him safe. Whenever he was locked in, he'd pretend it was his cupboard locking them out.

"Something like that. So?"

"So," Mike's voice dropped a little, less teasing and more serious. "I'm getting a little worried. Even before I got shot, I remember you used to thank your hub for performing basic functions. A wedge of silicone with rudimentary voice recognition. Then you went and picked up a couple of humanoid robots while I was away and… well. You're friendly with 'em. A little bit more, I think, than you realise."

"If this is about the sex…" Harry sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I wish it were about the sex." Mike grumbled. "The sex is fine. Hell, better than fine, they're a lot safer than anyone else you could go for. No. It's all the rest of it that worries me. It's the fact that you… care about them. And not like a car. You care 'about them like they're people."

"They are people." Harry asserted.

"No, they're not." Mike retorted. "And you know this, I know you do. You've finished all your edu-units and they cover this shit in high school. Companion bots - maybe not the Amazon class but definitely the Kojin-bo - they're designed to look human. To feel human. To act human. But they aren't human. You've gotta know that."

"Being not-human doesn't make someone not a person." Harry stared him down. "Speaking as someone whose species historically did little else but tell other species that they were a lesser form of life, I'm inclined not to take anyone's word for it except the people in question. The official line is not always correct. Or truthful."

Mike studied him, face unreadable.

"Okay, sure." The man backed off as their car came to a halt near the shuttle they'd be taking into orbit. "You're the boss. I just maybe wouldn't spread that belief around, if I were you. Not without more to go on than that."

The door was opened for them before he could respond, Mike ducking out ahead of him. Harry put it from his mind and followed. They could always pick the argument up again six years from now.

Earth

"Okay, now this thing's gonna make a hell of a racket." Michael warned him, checking the straps of his seat before buckling himself in. "You're gonna feel weight, like a giant hand crushing your chest. Just breathe as slow and deep as your can - the oxygen you'll get will be more than enough to make the difference." He reached under their seats to pull out two helmets, cords hopelessly tangled.

"Now, when it switches from super-sonic to hypersonic, you're gonna feel a sudden sharp kick. The whole rig'll shake like crazy - that's normal. It'll settle down a bit when the orbital fusion core is engaged and you'll know it's the fusion core because it'll sound like someone opened a gate to hell behind us. Again: That's normal."

"I read the briefing." Harry rolled his eyes. "Relax."

Michael gave him a hard look.

"I ain't worried about you kid. I'm worried about your damned magic. If you freak out, it freaks out and none of us can teleport, yeah? So: Don't freak out. Sure you don't want a sedative?"

Harry shook his head, annoying fading. Mike did have reason to worry, considering the man's history with him and his early magic. He couldn't know that Harry had become comfortable enough with his unobtanium-fueled power over the last year that it'd take a lot to even get his pulse up these days.

"No thanks. If I feel sluggish, like I can't react if I need to - that'll freak me out."

"Okay then." One large hand landed on his head and shoved it gently away before dropping a helmet on it. "Don't make me regret not drugging your ass."

Harry tugged the helmet into place and secured it, rolling his eyes again as he plugged the data cord into the bulkhead behind him.

Once powered, the heads-up display lit up. It tracked his eye movement to change between modes and he occupied himself for the next few minutes switching between external camera views. Despite the whole 'space tech' vibe, it wasn't actually as fancy as the commercial airplanes of his own time had been (no movies for one) but there was a little sudoku game he could play while he waited for 40-odd more people to get situated. Most seemed familiar with the process but some of the men and women not wearing fatigues kept holding everything up. Still, they were almost on time when the caution lights finally began flashing and the rear door closed and sealed itself.

"Here we go." Mike shouted over the rumble which picked up from background noise to a roar in under five seconds.

The shuttle began to move. He switched over to an external feed and was surprised to see the plane-shaped shuttle wasn't gliding forward for takeoff as expected but rather lifting straight up like a helicopter. Four giant thrusters were twitching slightly, back and forth, to keep their position stable until they were well above all the surrounding buildings. Then the shuttle dipped slightly - he felt it in his guts - as the thrusters shifted position and slammed them into forward motion.

The roar of the engine, impossibly, got even louder. He could barely hear himself think as pressure began to push his body into the chair. It felt like he was horrendously heavy, like the ship around him was lunging forward while he stayed behind. A misaligned buckle dug brutally into his back. His helmet clunked against the back of his seat, skin pressed against his bones, ribs against his lungs. The ship seemed to fight to bring him with it, like it might tear apart under the force any second. It was hard to breathe.

This is normal, he reminded himself, straining his muscles to look over at Mike. This is normal, right?

Mike wasn't looking back at him. His own hands were fisted in the straps keeping him in place. Was he worried? Should he be worried?

He fought to turn his head back, dragged impossibly heavy eyes towards the countdown displayed inside his helmet and then towards the camera feeds. Nothing was flashing or exploding. Everything was fine.

There was a sudden kick - just like Mike had warned him - and his entire body slammed backwards despite there being no space to go. Hypersonic flight. Less than a minute to go before they broke atmosphere and-

Something grabbed him. Like a hook through his navel but not, a desperate, clawed, grasping fist through his spine-

He didn't notice his body begin to seize - his mind was already gone.

Darkness. High, high high so high up he'd fall he'd-

Mouth. Huge, yawning, screaming. No teeth, black space behind the swell of a breast like a tongue-

"aaaaa…" a droning sound, distant. It scared him.

"aaaaaaaaarrrrrr—" He shut his eyes but he couldn't unsee what was before/below him. It was falling away, so fast and so slowly - but it was reaching for him even faster, a hundred thousand hands clawing out from the space inside the mouth, reaching for him-

"Harry!"

His eyes snapped open. The hands kept coming, but they were soft now. No claws - familiar. That voice… familiar.

"Harry!" It changed again. Hermione for the briefest moment, then-

"Harry! Come back, Harry!"

Mum. It was his mum.

"Harry please!" She screamed, tormented, agonised - he was gutting her, was dragging her intestines after him like a comet trail of gore.

"DON'T LEAVE ME, HARRY!"

I'm not! He tried to shout, was voiceless, had no mouth of his own. I'm not, mum, mother hands reaching for me but I can't reach back because-

Because his own hand, infinitely gentle and unconditionally loving, palming treats for a large white bird with amber eyes, first and only lovelovelossbitterlossstolen

Because oil spitting on a hot pan, eggs stolen from a bird he'd never seen, cracked open to change form over fire, to feed to feed to

Because of mother (mummummy) falling, green light, rotting away and starving and he couldn't stop it, couldn't catch her, could only, only-

White bird with amber eyes, not on his arm or his desk but in a nest of her own making. Black fluffy owlets peeping at her feet, ever-hungry. White bird heleftsosheleftsojustanowlnowjustanowl feeding that which cannot feed itself.

Yes

Yes

Yes

Understanding now. Fear, grief, loss, fury fearfearfear but hands were falling back and like an optical illusion for every sense he possessed, he heard what the words had been saying all along-

"Mine! Mine, mine mineminemine-"

Yes

Fear

Mother not mother, but-

Yes.

Yours.

"Mine"

He jackknifed back to reality, sucking in air like a reverse scream as something deep within his soul tore free. He blinked. The world was moving too slow-he moved his eyes but what he saw was only what he used to be looking at.

"Harry!"

His lungs were burning. He tried to breathe - couldn't - couldn't breath in any further. He was shaking, afraid. He could feel it behind him now, that huge absence, that gaping maw. Not heaven or hell, only inevitability, and-

And he belonged to it. The umbilical cord that fed him, a chain to enslave him.

"HARRY!"

He startled. Breathed out, hard and sharp. Focused. Saw Michael's white face before him and a dozen other anxious faces behind him. Breathed in.

"She can see me" He croaked, babbled, skin ice cold and body wracked with shudders. "She can't- she can't see anyone else, they're too small. No different to her, a bird a pebble a whale a tree. A person. She knows she's injured, knows she's dying but she doesn't know why. That's why-storms and eruptions and floods and quakes. She's trying to kill whatever's killing her but she can't see it. That's what I'm for. That's why I exist. To go and see and act where she can't. I belong to her." He swallowed back terror, animal mind quailing at the reality his human mind was so adept at ignoring. "I'm not-I don't-. I only exist for-. I'm not-."

"He's in shock." Someone muttered. "Where's that-! Here. Wrap him up. We're docking soon. Keep him tethered."

"Harry." Warm hands on his face, warm and dry and thawing. "Look at me. Slow, deep breaths. You're okay. You're okay."

"I-I know." He stuttered, a shiver turning his words into a lie. But he did know. His body was just a little slow to catch up.

"It's okay. I'm okay. I, uh. Sorry. D-Did I-?"

"Break anything?" Mike offered, mouth tight and flat. "No, thank God. Sure thought you were going to. You-you lit up. Like a day-glow skeleton. And then you started talking' to yourself."

"Not to myself," Harry sobbed a laugh. "To Gaia. Holy shit, Mike, she's real. She's real- and she's fucking terrifying."

A jolt ran through the ship and Harry absently noted that he wasn't so much sitting as floating, only some ties around his chest keeping him in a vaguely seated position. His stomach felt weird, but he couldn't say if that was due to zero-gravity or having his entire reality rearranged.

"I'm okay." He said again, body slowly catching up. "She just-she lashed out when I got too far away. She thought I was abandoning her."

She'd been ready to drag him back, he didn't say. To sink herself inside him and force his obedience. Because he belonged to her, the way a person's hand belong to them. He existed only to serve her, to preserve her. She might love him, if she were capable of such a thing - but she wasn't. Gaia was nothing less than The Mother, birthing and nurturing but ruthless in pursuit of her own survival - and why shouldn't she be? Without her, all of her children would die too.

At least… Normally they would.

"But it's okay." He reminded himself as much as Mike and anyone else who might be listening. "She understands. She knows I'm not not leaving for good. She knows I'm trying to help her."

A mother owl fetching food for her owlets. A remorseless predator, killing to sustain its own.

"It's okay. Everything will be fine."

Earth

Gosh Yuki! That sure is a convenient philosophy you have!

This is not the last we'll see of Buddy, Boxy & Mia - those of you who are angry at me right now… I can't help it, I'm sorry! I don't control the story, it controls me!

Also: Never have I wished I posted on AO3 more. I'd love to debate morality with you guys 'cause that's only gonna get more murky.