The existence of Konoha could only be hidden for so long. Akane had known, would have-even without her memories of a past life, that it was only a matter of time before their alliance was seen as a threat and the various enemies of all of the clans that were slowly being integrated into the village decided that they would be better off as friends. Akane comes to know of the existence of the second hidden village from Sana Shimura, the head of the clan-and the head of Konoha's information network, who informs Akane along with all the other clan leaders in an emergency meeting.
There's a quiet unease growing among them as Sana speaks of the clans banding together in Earth country and the whispers already beginning in Lightning and Sauna of something similar. The dread pooling in her stomach was nothing new. Hiruzen Sarutobi had gone through three wars in his lifetime-and it was only a matter of time before they had the first.
As much as she hated the very thought-Akane lived in a grim acceptance of what was to come. She was perfectly aware that she had no way of stopping the wars that would ravage the Elemental Nations, she was only one woman. What she was going to do was what had gotten her through the past twenty something years of her life; focusing on what was in front of her-what she could improve, what change she could actually affect. Her most ambitious goal was to somehow talk Hashirama out of sharing the chakra equivalent of Nuclear weapons with the other countries.
It would have left a bad taste in Akanes mouth to be part of caging fully aware and intelligent beings for the crime of existing regardless. But she had no idea when the kyuubi would make an appearance-so she pushed the thought away and tried to focus on Hashirama's forced cheer as he talked about potential diplomacy missions.
She also gathered her strength in the face of her clan heads and Tobirama's pointed stares as they tried to telepathically inform her that she was responsible for heading Hashirama off such a stupid, impossible path. Akane did not understand why she was always the one who had to talk Hashirama around when Madara was his best friend and Tobirama his brother. Even Mito-present as she always was for important meetings, at the Hokages side, would make more sense as an elected speaker to point out how foolishly optimistic Hashirama was being. But even Sana Shimura looked at her expectantly in the face of their Hokages nonsense.
Akane carefully didn't sigh, and waited for a pause to interrupt her superior respectfully and politely.
"If you would be so kind as to let me interject, honorable Hokage," Akane began-formal as could be. One of the nice things about not being as strictly formal as the majority of her clan most of the time was that people knew it meant she was serious when she was.
Hashirama nodded with as much gravitas as he was capable of, which wasn't a lot-but beggars couldn't be choosers.
"I believe that what will set the tone for any kind of communication between such a large network of clan alliances is what drove them to be formed in the first place,"
Akane watched Tobirama's eyes narrow in thought-always the first one to get her points, often even before she made them. Hashirama was confused, but Akane let him stew in the silence-the whole point of taking the scenic route to her point in the first place was to get Hashirama's head out of the clouds and remember that there was a reason Tobirama and Akane were in charge of all Village diplomacy decisions. Charismatic as he was-Hashirama wasn't the best politician.
"Since these are alliances made in response to the existence of our village, then they will rife with those who have the strongest feuds against the clans that make up the hidden leaf," Tobirama interrupted the silence after it had gotten a touch too heavy.
Akane nodded her approval.
"It's not just hate that drives this new web of alliances, however. It's fear-such a strong alliance has never been seen before," Akane began, noting the way Sana lips twitched at her words for future perusal-and continued, "Or such a manner of strengthening ties between so many clans at once. If the Uchiha had never ceased their war with the Senju-if every mission your clan received was so vital to the war effort the clan couldn't even afford to turn any away, and you suddenly heard of ninjas setting up a village-what would your first thought be, honorable Hokage?"
Hashirama frowned, belligerent optimism doing battle with reality.
"That they were gearing up to attack other clans," Hashirama bit out, "But that's the purpose of Konoha in the first place! We're tired of fighting! If we could just explain-"
"No one would listen," Madara pointed out, making himself useful at last.
"Would you believe such missives in their place?" Akane asked pointedly.
"They would assume our diplomatic attempts to be hiding our blades in the dark," Tobirama added somberly.
Faced with all three of his most trusted advisors cautioning him away from trying to make friends and make the future conflicts go away-Hashirama wilted.
"There has to be something we can do," Hashirama said finally-not one to let potential futures beat him down. In that-Akane truly respected him as a leader. What most people forgot, faced with the perpetual cheerfulness of their Hokage, was that Hashirama had that attitude in spite of growing up in the face of constant pain and loss. It took a strong spirit just to keep going forward, as Akane knew intimately-but to look forward to the future, to see something beautiful and worth fighting for on the horizon while surrounded by the atrocities of war? That was a choice. One that took strength Akane could only dream about.
"It's not so much as what we can do-as what we shouldn't," Akane said slowly. "We want peace-we've announced to the world that that is the purpose of our alliance-and that is a truth we can live up to. As long as we don't start a war, as long as we meet their hostility with calm. If we don't get anxious and strike out first-we can hold the moral high ground."
Tobirama scoffed, "And what use is morality on the battlefield."
Akane carefully didn't frown, it was a hole she noticed Tobirama often fell into-and why she had made her proposal in the first place. If Akane hadn't been the first to speak-Tobirama would have wanted to take action, strike before the enemy even realized they knew of the potential threat.
So she lived up to her words and remained calm, "You are too smart to be so deliberately obtuse. Morality is important because our actions don't just represent Konoha's attitude on things, we also represent Fire Country. And when-not if, when-we send missives for cease fires and treaties, we will have the high ground in the face of all the other countries."
Hashirama smiled at her-delighted by the thought that Akane wanted peace with the other villages just as much as he did, and it was just a matter of time before they found their way there again.
Akane felt kind of hypocritical calling Tobirama deliberately obtuse-she knew exactly why she was alway the one elected to speak to their Hokage about anything he wouldn't want to hear.
The elemental nations had made Akane a lot of things. A little sister, a warrior, a murderer-but the one she was most resentful about these days was that Akane was definitely a politician.
Which is why she sent Sana Shimura a missive that netted her an invitation to the Shimura clan compound for tea.
Tea, especially tea with a clan head, was all political maneuvering. Her mother had taught her specifically for the diplomatic missions with the Senju. It was a delicate art-but one Akane was proficient at. She knew how to speak around topics just so, to use silence to encourage her opponent to talk-to be placid and still as a lake so that she would give nothing away.
Akane did not have the time for some delicate dance-she had far too much on her plate. So she smiled as Sana began to pour her tea and didn't waste anytime on pleasantries before asking, "What's the biggest alliance you've ever heard of?"
Sana didn't startle-but only because the woman had been on the defensive the moment Akane had walked into the room. The older woman smiled pleasantly, asking idly, "Why would you come to me with that kind of question? Isn't Konoha the largest alliance among the elemental nations?"
"I know the Shimura know a lot more about the world than they like to let other clans know about." Akane asserted. Having an entire clan that specialized in information gathering explained so much about how Danzo had managed to have his fingers in every goddamn pie. "I would never fault you for that-the world being what it is. But if you're aware of more information about large alliances, then I believe coming forward with that information would benefit the village. I would like to remind you that those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it."
Sana laughed, really laughed-not the polite twittering one affected for Tea-but the kind of laughter that came from the heart. Akane hid her bewilderment and drank her tea until it petered out.
"Wonderfully astute," Sana said, "If only you had been born a Shimura, dear girl. Our clan takes none of this bloodline nonsense seriously-you would have been great."
"One could argue I already am, or that I could be great still," Akane said, letting the insult to Uchiha clan structures and the insinuation that her clan was holding her back slide off like water off a duck's back."I'm not dead yet-and I apologize for not following the traditional manner in which to inquire about such information-but if war looms as close as I fear-I cannot afford to waste any time."
"Nor should you," Sana nodded, agreeable now that Akane had acknowledged and apologized for the breach in etiquette. "Regardless-you're right to be worried. Great alliances lead to great wars-Have you ever heard of the tale of the four great nations?"
Akane shook her head, easily owning up to her ignorance.
Sana tutted, "What do they teach the children these days? Regardless-once the Elemental nations were named as such because there were four great nations; Water, Fire, Earth, and Air. These nations balanced each other well, Earth's strongest alliances was with Water, and Fire was with Air. Until of course-an unhappy Damiyo from Air felt they deserved more land-Air having the smallest kingdom of all. He strengthened his alliances with Water and Earth-then framed the Fire Nation for treachery. In doing so, he doomed the entirety of his great nation. In our clan library it is said Fire created the desert Sauna is today in response to such insult. The Shimura was close to that Air Daimyo, you see-and when my ancestors protested his foolish decision, we were exiled. Now the Shimura is all that's left of the once great country of air."
They sat in silence as Akane digested her words, ignoring the blatant parallels with Avatar-it was a perfectly logical story. One wrong step and the world could implode. Akane didn't remember much from History class as Samantha-but she did know it was the death of one man that had led to the entirety of world war one. One death-and an over abundance of alliances.
"I take it that's why the Shimura decided to jump on board with Konoha." Akane thought out loud.
Sana hummed in acknowledgement, "Great alliances lead to great wars-and my clan has the record of many. You spoke true when you spoke of the moral high ground. People are very simple in regards to what they truly fight for-as long as you know yourself to be wronged, or betrayed-persecuted in truth, you will give your all to right those wrongs."
It was Akanes turn to hum, Sana had given her much food for thought. She thanked her host and made her way back to her office to the paperwork she'd ignored in order to satisfy her curiosity.
Not that she had much time to think at all.
Akane knew the minute Aiko walked into her office that her sister bore bad news. It was in the way her hands trembled, the way her eyes were rimmed red as if she'd been crying. It took a lot to make Aiko cry. Akane's first concern was if anything had happened to her nieces.
"Akane," Aiko said gravely, "Mom is sick-really sick."
There was a moment of painful disbelieving silence, "what?"
"She's been hiding it," Aiko said in a rush, tears welling in her eyes, "She didn't want us to know. It's too late now-the healers say she won't last much longer."
Akane did not want it to be true. She didn't want to hear those words. Those words Samantha had heard. The words that had made the light go out of her life for years and left her feeling numb and alone.
"No." Akane refused.
She couldn't go through that. Not again. Not when they were in Konoha-safe, for as long as Akane could make it that way. They weren't at war yet.
"No."
"I'm so sorry," Aiko said, tears falling, "I don't know what to do, that's always been you-you always figure things out. And mom was the one who always knew what to say-Akane, moms sick and she doesn't have much time left."
"No, no, no," Akane chanted, shaking her head. No-wrong, impossible. She brought her fire sense to the fore of her mind, tracked down the warmth she knew belonged to her mother and chased after it.
Aiko didn't know what she was talking about. Her mother shouldn't be in the healing halls. It was all wrong, Akane had to fix it. Had to see with her own eyes it was all a genjutsu or a mind control technique someone used on her sister-because it couldn't be true.
It couldn't be true.
But it was.
Akane didn't even make it all the way into her mothers room in the clan healing halls when she took one look at her emaciated mother and couldn't deny it any longer.
She didn't remember watching her mother grow old. She hadn't noticed the gray in her hair so much when she always had such an elegant self assured air. Hadn't noticed the wrinkles or sagging flesh when her mothers presence often filled a room before the woman herself did.
But it was obvious now.
The frail old woman on the bed didn't look like Akane's mother at all.
But she was.
She was, and Akane was going to lose her to her own body turning on her just like Samantha had.
"No." Akane breathed in pure despair, "Mom-you can't, no."
"Please come closer, Akane," There were tears in her mothers eyes. It had been so long since Akane had seen her cry.
Akane felt like she was watching herself walk forward in a dream.
"Mom," Akane said past her own tears. Her mother took her hand.
"Mom," Akane tried again, speaking past the knife in her throat. "Why didn't you say anything?"
Her mother sighed, a deep-heartfelt thing.
"Because you would have stopped everything you were doing to find a cure."
"Of course I would have," It was the Naruto world, if there hadn't been a way-Akane would have made one. But cures took time, understanding how the illness worked, knowing what had to be fixed. Her mother hadn't given her the chance. Hadn't wanted it. "Why didn't you let me? Why would you hide this from me? From us?"
"I'm so tired Akane," her mother said softly. "I don't know how anyone else lasts so long in this world. I've already lived much longer than most ever do. I don't want to go on much longer."
Akane made a wounded noise. Her mother had chosen to leave. Her mother thought fifty eight was older than most people ever lived, and in their current world-she was right. There wasn't anything Akane could say or do to change her mind. Not when she'd made her choice for such a long time.
Her mother explained how she had blackmailed the woman who'd diagnosed her into silence about her condition, and further ordered her to burn any notes once she felt her time had come and let Aiko know. Aiko had wasted no time in finding her and was even now bearing the burden of telling her daughters their grandmother was dying.
They fell into silence.
"You look so much like Hayate." Her mother said abruptly-mentioning the name of the man she'd never said in Akanes presence since his funeral. "You have his jawline and his eyes. But your smile-your smile is just like Arata's, my older brother's smile. The way it lit up his face like the sun everytime, the way the joy shines in your eyes."
Her mother had never spoken of her brothers to Akane.
"I loved him, you know-your father," her mother continued, almost nonsensical. "I regret I never told him that. I was too scared to even think about it, let alone acknowledge it in a world that seemed so determined to take every man I ever loved. It's so stupid now, but I held the superstition as truth then, and even blamed my feelings for his death more than the Senju who actually killed him."
Tears trailed absently from her mothers eyes, "I'm-I'm so sorry I never told you much about him. He was a kind man. Quiet, but very kind. He kept his promises to me, handed over all his mission money without me ever having to nag him, and his arms sometimes felt like the safest place in the world. He did his best for us. He was the one who gave you your generous heart, your bravery."
"Mom," Akane said, she'd always wondered about her birth father. About her mothers family. She had always known better than to ask, but she didn't want to know when the only reason her mother was mentioning them now was because she knew she'd never get another chance.
"You remind me of the best of them," her mother said slowly, squeezing her hand. Sincerity shining from her eyes along with her tears."You've always been the best of us. And I am so-so proud to have been your mother. So honored to have watched you grow and become the woman you are. I hope they saw it too. My brothers, your father, your brothers. They would have been just as proud of you."
Akane was sobbing. Loud and hard enough it was a struggle to breathe through it, like she could never stop.
"I don't want to lose you," Akane forced out past her sorrow, "Mom."
Her mother grabbed a folded napkin from her bedside table and wiped Akanes' tears carefully. Pointlessly because the stream of tears would never stop. Not when she was losing the first person she'd loved in her second life.
"I'm sorry I'm so selfish Akane." Her mother said softly, gentle the way she'd always only been with her daughters. "I'm so sorry I've been so stupid and selfish all of my life. I lived a good life-a life much better than the one I deserved on the backs of men I didn't treat well enough. I regret it now-but I know regret is useless. I should have shown them how much I cared when I had the chance. But now only Akio and Naoya remain. I would like to speak to them as I've spoken to you. I should have probably asked Aiko to tell them as she told you, but I know they might not come if she asks. I've been selfish my entire life Akane, I might as well be selfish one last time-please ask them. They'll come see me if you're the one who asks."
"Mom," Akane said. Mostly because she had no other words.
Akane had never interfered in her mothers relationship to her brothers or vice versa. It hadn't just been because of her mothers attitude. Akane had known the woman had loved her brothers, but the truth of the matter was that she had treated them badly. Things weren't as simple as forgiving someone because they'd brought you into the world, or that they were old, sick, and dying. Akane wasn't her brothers, she'd never been hurt by her mother the way they had been. Had never had to grow with that wound in her heart. If they didn't want to see her mother on her deathbed-Akane would not begrudge them that.
She knew her mother had made an effort to mend the relationships over the last few years, but it was a little too late when they were no longer children, and constantly busy helping her build the village.
But it was her mothers last wish.
Akane squeezed her mothers hand, held it until she fell asleep, and didn't promise.
She couldn't betray her brothers like that. Couldn't guilt them with her sorrow and tears. She refused to nudge them one way or the other, as if she thought it would be good for them to see her one last time. They knew her well enough to know she wouldn't ask them otherwise, and Akane would live up to their trust by refusing to ask when it might be something that hurt them instead.
A compromise.
Maybe asking Aiko to ask in her place after all. Or Cho-Cho sounded good. She had never been a big fan of Akanes' mother and informing her brothers of their impending motherless fate wouldn't weigh on her the way it clearly weighed on Aiko. It would also be a way of passing the message along as the information was something she'd decided to send their way-Cho, despite being in charge of half of Akanes businesses still treated herself as Akanes ever faithful secretary. So it was, in a way-Akane asking.
So she asked Cho to inform her brothers that her mother didn't have much time left, and that she wanted to see them before she passed.
She didn't ask either of her brothers if they had gone to see her mother, but Naoya had informed her they had anyway.
Akane had looked at her older brother and known he'd done it for her anyway.
"Akio and I discussed it." Naoya told her, "I was always grateful to her for loving you the way she did. It didn't cost me anything to hear her apology and forgive her. Akio didn't want to. I always thought he'd want to get close to her-because he tried so hard in the beginning. But he said once he realized how little she would have had to do to make him feel loved he couldn't stop resenting her for never making the effort. He heard her out-but after he became a father-it was impossible for him to forgive her. We'll both be at her funeral-you know how it is."
"Thank you," Akane had said, pulling her older brother into a tight hug and letting the gratitude of his kind nature wash over her. It wasn't perfect-wasn't the end her mother had wanted, but it was a kinder one that she would have received without Akanes efforts-and that was something.
Her mother was dead the very next day.
Akane had felt her bonfire go out like a candle in the wind.
Akane began the funeral arrangements with Aiko. The village had been her priority for so long she hadn't even noticed her mother had gotten sick. She hadn't even granted her mothers last wish, not really-not the way she had asked, no matter what she tried to tell herself. It was the least she could do as her child to at least make sure the Uchiha traditions were followed to a T.
It took three days.
From Aiko informing her of her mother's condition, to their last long conversation, Naoya and Akio visiting her, her mothers death, and the funeral.
Another pyre to add to the memories of dead friends and relatives. Kotaro takes her hand as Akane watches her mother burn. She sends him off with a kiss and promises of another spar some unidentified time in the future.
It takes everything Akane had to hold off her grief. She comforted her nieces, and tried to lighten the load on Aiko by sharing just enough of her own. She even shared some with Akio, who had tried to love his mother with everything he had and failed.
She handled the steady stream of people coming through to pay their respects and give their condolences.
She finished all the paperwork on her desk.
Then she picked a direction she couldn't feel any people in and took off running. Trying to outrun the pain before it pulled her under. Tried to get some distance between herself and everyone-everything she had to be so-so strong for.
Her mother passed away in her sleep, just as her first one had. It was quiet.
Peaceful.
The knowledge doesn't make the fissure in her soul any less painful. Akane was-Akane was losing it.
Sanity was a funny thing.
Akane felt crazy all the time, for all that she knew, all the terrible things she'd done, all the supposedly impossible things she wanted to achieve-and yet she'd never known so terribly and completely that she had to be sane. Because if she wasn't, she wouldn't be able to feel her sanity slipping away like sand between her fingers as the grief hit her and she wailed.
Akane's mother was dead.
And for the first time in her current life Akane thought it sounded like the best idea if she went ahead and joined her. Her and Junto who had been the first to leave her in truth, Daisuke who was barely a shadow in her memory. Akihito who Naoya had spoken of very little but incredibly fondly of. Hayate Uchiha, the father she'd never known but had at least intended to stick around.
Every friend she'd lost to the Senju war or bad intel on missions.
Misaki Uchiha, who Akane suspected she'd personally sent ahead into whatever happened when you died in the Narruto world. There had been that one filler about ghosts. Maybe that was the best of both worlds-dead enough to see everyone she'd lost but just alive enough to keep an eye on everyone she was waiting to pass on to join her-even as she prayed it wouldn't be too soon.
It had to be easier to be dead. No one would expect her to be strong if she was dead. The grief was enough to kill her and for once, Akane didn't want to fight it.
It would be so much easier to join her mother in her casket.
Easier than bearing so much pain, loss, and blood on her hands. Easier to lie there-oh so damningly still, and leave the awful fucked up world she'd woken to after she already died behind.
Akane barely registered the hands wrapping around her. The way they forced her still against a larger body as someone rocked her like a child and pet her hair.
Akanes' mother used to do that.
When Akane was so overwhelmed by helplessness that she couldn't stop herself from crying. When Akane had been so small compared to everything and had little to no control of her limbs. Ayumi would pick her up and rock her in her arms.
Muttering a bunch of gibberish Akane hadn't understood, still being Samantha, so terrified and confused. Samantha had given way to Akane in her mothers arms. Had re-learned the familial love she'd missed so much in her first life. Had created the bedrock of her sanity in her second life because Samantha hadn't survived the experience and Ayumis voice calling her name had laid the very foundation of Akane.
But her mom was gone.
Her mom was gone and Akane had to figure out how to go on again. She had siblings, a clan, a village-all depending on her to pull herself together again and not fall to pieces or take her own life.
Her mom was gone-but there were arms around her. Someone was rocking her, petting her hair. Muttering things Akane could make out when she paid attention because she'd learned Japanese eventually.
Kotaro.
She was in Kotaro's arms. He was trying to soothe her, muttering assurances and promises no one could keep in this hell dimension, because how could he be there for her when he was dead? Gone like the rest.
Her mother was dead.
Her mother was dead.
Her mother was dead.
…But Kotaro was here
He was alive-warm.
Akane had been half in love with him already-she could only love him more now. For tracking her down, watching her break and trying so fervently to put her back together.
Akane could try for him. For the way his warmth brought the growing chasm of ice in her heart to a stop.
She could pick up the grains of sand she'd lost-one by one in his arms. She could make him the new bedrock for her life the way her mother had once been.
"It's going to be okay," Kotaro had spoken long past when his voice had gone hoarse. But he continued doggedly, "We're going to get through this. I'm here. I promise. I'll take care of you, it's going to be okay Akane."
She wanted to believe him so badly.
Akane, too wrung out with grief to continue mourning awake, slipped into unconsciousness. Hoping that if she heard it enough, she might just believe his lies to be true.
X
I did warn y'all it wasn't gonna be cute. At least we're officially at the halfway point of this fic…yay?
Kotaro's next at least-we like Kotaro right? There's some fluff to soothe the soul, I promise.