TITLE: Out of my Mind

AUTHOR: LOTSlover

CHARACTERS: Batman / Wonder Woman

RATING: T

WARNINGS: Author Chooses Not to Use Warnings

DISCLAIMER: I love Justice League, but especially Batman and Wonder Woman. Unfortunately, I do not own the characters and, if I did, things would be much different for them.

SUMMARY: Following the events of The Once and Future Thing, Bruce withdraws from Diana causing her to investigate what really happened on their mission together. BMWW

Out of my Mind

Diana sat back in her chair as she lightly tapped her fingernail on the desk, her eyes locked on the computer screen. She'd read through both Bruce and John's reports from their mission to stop Cronos at least half a dozen times and she still had no answers to the questions that stormed through her mind.

Her expression was one of frustration and barely restrained anger that was on the verge of explosion. It had been almost four weeks since that mission, nearly a month of curt answers and abrupt dismissals from the man that she was in love with.

Something was definitely wrong…something that was connected to that mission and she was going to find out what that something was. She wasn't about to let this go nor was she going to give up on her relationship with Bruce despite the fact that he was obviously distancing himself from her.

He hadn't kissed or touched her in weeks, had barely said more than a handful of words to her since then. Every time that she attempted to get him to talk to her, he would find some lame excuse that he had to leave or that he couldn't talk at that moment, plying her with one promise after another that they would talk soon.

Each of her attempts to touch him had been politely rebuffed, Bruce pulling away from her as if he had been scalded by her touch. He had been keeping his distance from her both physically and emotionally, keeping her at arms' length again just like he had done to her in the past.

She had arrived at the manor or the cave countless times to see him only for Bruce to already be gone or conveniently heading out the door, leaving her confused and angry. Alfred had always been there with an apology for his surrogate son's behavior and an offer of tea and cheesecake in an effort to keep her spirits up.

Going into this relationship, she had always know that there were going to be instances that they weren't going to be able to be together, stretches of time that he'd be absorbed with a case or she with missions and responsibilities of her own. She even understood there would be those times when he would withdraw into himself, his dark brooding moods taking over and attempting to steal him away from her.

She had been prepared to deal with all of that and everything that made him Bruce because she loved him. She felt that he was more than worth the effort and the work it would take to maintain this relationship. This, however…this was something altogether different. This was something bigger, something that she feared giving a name to.

Squaring her shoulders, Diana steeled herself against the nagging fear and worry that threatened to bring her down. She would not give in to questions and doubts. Instead, she was going to get the answers that she needed and face this problem as well as Bruce head on.

And if that didn't work, she would just beat the answers out of him.

Diana got up from her chair, a certain destination and a plan firmly in mind. Between the two of them, she knew getting answers from Lantern was going to be far easier than trying to get them from her obstinate, tight-lipped lover.

Making her way to the Monitor Womb, she quickly went through the questions that she wanted to ask him, starting with what she had missed and ending with what in the name of Hera had happened that had Bruce pushing her away like this.

Her fingers curled into clenched fists at her sides as she entered the Monitor Womb, resolve coursing like a powerful current through her veins. She was going to get answers the easy way or the hard way. Either way, she was going to find out what had happened.

She marched straight towards the unsuspecting Green Lantern who was currently drinking a cup of coffee as he perused the bank of computer screens before him. He looked up as he noticed Diana approaching, setting his coffee cup down.

"What's up, Diana?" he pleasantly asked, thankful that she didn't remember any of the events of their mission to stop Cronos.

It had been awkward enough facing Bruce and Diana the morning after being an eavesdropper on their passionate tryst in that hotel room next to his. He still remembered the growled "not a single word" from Bruce that had caused a sliver of fear to race up his spine along with the Dark Knight's hiss of warning him against telling a single soul.

"I have questions and you have answers," she stated, getting directly to the point.

Lantern immediately stiffened, the fire burning in her eyes and the rigid set of her body telling him that she meant business and he knew exactly what kind of business she meant. He wasn't so blind as to not notice that Bruce had been MIA from the Watchtower save for weekly Founders' meetings, two of which he had conveniently missed.

He had also noticed the way Bruce had distanced himself from Diana, dismissing her and leaving her behind as he made hasty retreats for the transporter the handful of times that he had actually appeared on the Watchtower. John knew they were together despite Diana not remembering that fact. Their mission to stop Cronos had brought that fact into the light.

"I figured you'd be coming sooner or later," John confessed, tilting his chair back as he studied her, crossing his one leg over the other. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything," she firmly stated. "Batman is withdrawing from everyone and I want to know why. I know it has something to do with this mission that I have no memory of, John. I want to know what happened that has him pushing everyone away."

He knew the 'everyone' meant her but didn't press the issue. She was mad as a hornet and he was definitely not going to poke the proverbial Amazon bear. He may like to live dangerously, but not that dangerously. He preferred to not be in a body cast for the next six months.

He drew a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "I put everything in my report," he lamely pointed out, knowing that was not going to get him off the hook.

"I've read both of your reports multiple times," she informed him, pulling up a chair. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't very important, John."

"I know…I know," he replied, his shoulders slumping slightly. Bruce was so going to kill him when he found out. "I believe I know what has our resident Bat running scared."

"What is it?" she asked. "Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt him in some way?"

"Yes and no," he answered her. "It wasn't your fault, but you're the reason he's pulling away."

"What did I do?" she questioned him, doing her best to hide the hurt that she felt from reaching her eyes. "I don't want to lose him. Whatever it is, I really want to fix it."

"You're probably the only one who can, though, I'm sure he won't see it that way," he cryptically said. "When we went to the future, he met his future self. He was a grumpy old man, full of so much piss and vinegar. I knew that he harbored dark feelings, but this went far beyond that. He was filled with so much bitterness and rage…so much resentment."

"Did I cause it?" she softly asked, afraid of the answer.

"I believe so," he informed her. "You should have seen the expression on his face when he first saw you. It was as if he was seeing a ghost. I don't know if Bruce had broken things off with you or what, but my best bet is that you had died. All I know is that you weren't there, and it had irrevocably changed him for the worse.

"While we were planning our next move to stop Cronos, you suddenly disappeared right before us. Our Bats lunged for you, trying to grab hold of you, but you were gone. He didn't handle it very well. He was like a man possessed trying to right the timeline, doing everything he could to make sure that you existed when we returned."

Stunned, Diana sat there for a few moments, processing what she had just learned. "So…that's why he's been pushing me away," she murmured.

"The old Bats and our Bats had a private conversation," he continued. "I don't know what they talked about, but it affected Bruce deeply. He hasn't been the same since."

"I have to talk to him," she said, standing to her feet.

"Diana," he said, reaching out and grabbing hold of her wrist to stop her. "I know you two don't want to talk about what's going on between the two of you, but don't give up on him. You're really good for him…even if you two are like animals in heat."

"What?" she questioned him with a frown, her gaze narrowing in suspicion.

"Never mind," he muttered, squeezing her hand to distract her. "I don't want him to become the man that we met in the future, Di. He deserves to be happy more than anyone I know and you're the only one who has been able to do that for him."

"Thanks, John," she replied, giving him an appreciative smile. "I'm afraid he's stuck with me whether he likes or not. If he doesn't like it, I'll just have to beat it into his thick head until he does."

"That's my rookie," he uttered with a chuckle, releasing his hold on her wrist. "Go get 'em, tiger."

She laughed in response, saluting him before turning on her heel and leaving. She had a Bat to find and to beat some sense into before he headed out on patrol. If everything went well, she just might be able to talk him into shortening his patrol so they could make up for lost time.

XXX

Batman stood before his work table, replenishing his supplies in his utility belt before leaving for patrol. The last month had really taken a toll on his supplies. At the same time, the crime rate had taken a huge nosedive with the number of thugs and crooks that he'd captured and put in jail.

Rumor on the streets was that Batman was on a punishing tear and everyone was going into hiding until the furious maelstrom known as the Dark Knight had finally dissipated some. He was terrifying to deal with on a day to day basis, but lately it had only grown worse and he knew the reason why.

Diana.

His head lowered as he thought about her, loneliness and grief creating a vice-like grip on his chest. It made it hard to draw a breath at times with how much he missed her, how deeply he longed to touch her…how he hungered to make love to her and feel her touch again.

She had become like a drug to his system, one that had no cure, but he knew that this was the way that things had to be. There was no other outcome that could possibly exist for them. He knew he never should have let her in from the start.

They had grown closer during their mission to stop Cronos even though Diana didn't have any memory of it. He had actually admitted to her that he needed her—needed her near him, needed to feel her body against his, needed her to sleep.

That had been an enormous step for him, one that he had been somewhat humiliated by at first until she had given him that warm smile, patting the empty place in her bed for him to join her. It had felt like coming home again, unimaginable peace washing through him as he had held her close.

Holding her, kissing her, making love with her…it had been everything that he had ever fantasized about and so much more, each time more amazing than the last. Since, Diana, the world around him had taken on a whole new array of colors and brightness that it had never possessed before. Now, everything was nothing more than dim shades of gray—so dull and lifeless.

There would never again be any more happiness in his life and definitely no more love. His heart belonged to her and it always would. No one would be able to break through the iron-like hold she had on it nor would they be able to beat down the walls he was working so fast and furiously to rebuild around it.

Only she had been able to tear them down and now he was forced to rebuild them.

"Heading out for patrol so soon?"

Bruce drew a deep breath, releasing it slowly through his nose. "Want to get a good start on the night," his clipped response came with a subtle thread of warning behind it.

They'd been down this path too many times over the last month. He was not about to go down this road with him again. Unfortunately, Alfred had other ideas. "So how long are you planning to run away?"

"I'm not running away," Bruce bit out, his lips curling into a sneer as his hands balled into fists.

He wished he had his cowl on so Alfred couldn't see his face right now, afraid too many telling signs would filter through to the surface. He was having a very difficult time controlling his emotions right now, his vaunted control on the verge of cracking.

He'd slept little in the last month, refusing to spend any length of time in the bed that he'd shared with her. He swore he could still smell her in the sheets, could feel her in the pillow that he hugged to chest as he struggled to fall asleep at night. It didn't help that she haunted his dreams as well as every waking moment of his miserable life. There was no escaping her no matter how hard he tried.

"So, what would you call this then?" Alfred pressed, refusing to give up on him. "You seem to be doing a bloody fine job of pushing Miss Diana away, running off into the night for a case that doesn't exist…leaving her here all alone confused and hurt and wondering what she had done wrong."

"Diana…" Bruce began, his voice cracking. Just saying her name caused a knife-like pain in his chest. "Diana didn't do anything wrong. She never has."

"And yet she seems to be taking the brunt of your brooding anger…not to mention the poor criminals who manage to cross your path as of late," Alfred continued. "And just how many of them have ended up in the hospital?"

"I'm just trying to keep Gotham safe, Alfred," he ground out. "You're reading far too much into it."

"Then, you wouldn't mind if I invited Miss Diana over for a dinner date tomorrow evening?" Alfred asked. "I have a delicious recipe for lamb that I'm anxious to try out."

"Don't you dare," Bruce growled with a ferocious edge, his voice rising in proportion with his fury. "Just stay out of it!"

There was a prolonged, tense silence that followed before Alfred finally spoke again, his voice filled with more anguish that Bruce had ever remembered hearing him express. "Then, I guess there is nothing more that I can do or say," he softly said, weariness accompanying his sorrow. "I have truly failed you, Master Bruce. I had hoped that I had done my best to instill in you the values and manners of a proper gentleman, helping to shape a man with a future that your parents would be proud of. Knowing that I have failed both them and you will forever be my greatest regret."

Bruce's chin fell to his chest as tears burned behind his eyes, a thick lump filling his throat and making it difficult to breathe as he heard Alfred walking away. He knew the he was hurting everyone around him, but they didn't understand, didn't know what he knew…hadn't seen the things that he had.

They had no idea how hard this had been, how difficult the decision to shut her out of his life has been for him. Even now, he was questioning absolutely everything—questioning his mission, his life, his beliefs, the choices that he'd made over the years that had brought him to this point.

He slammed his fist against the work table causing supplies to rattle and roll along the top of it, batarangs falling over and scattering. The sound of footsteps approaching from behind forced him to straighten his shoulders, his heart paralyzed in his chest. He was afraid to move, afraid to breathe.

"Bruce," Diana gently called to him. "Please talk to me."

He closed his eyes, willing his heart to start beating again, but afraid it would end up overruling his mind in the end. "There's nothing to talk about, princess," he icily said, knowing that what he was about to do was going to crush her even more than he already had. He was nothing but a cold, heartless son of a—

"Fine," she simply said, taking him by surprise.

He turned around despite his determination not to face her. Was this reverse logic she was using on him? Just the sight of her standing there in her uniform caused his heart to stutter out of control. She was so unbelievably beautiful, his body already beginning to respond to her against his will.

"What do you want, Diana?" he asked, his voice filled with barely controlled rage.

"I want you, Bruce," she replied, keeping her tone gentle.

She knew if she came in here with guns blazing and fury raging he would just shut her down and shut her out, fleeing off into the night and putting an abrupt end to what they had together. She wasn't about to let that happen.

"I know you're running away from me…withdrawing because of what you saw in the future, but that future doesn't have to happen, Bruce," she continued. "That's just one possible future. It doesn't have to be our future."

Bruce cursed under his breath, making a mental note to physically maim a certain Green Lantern next time he got his hands on him. "It could be, Diana," he insisted. "You don't know what I know…what I saw. Trust me. It's for the best."

"I do trust you—with my heart, my body, my life," she told him, watching as the rigid set of his shoulders seemed to relax minutely. It wasn't a huge sign to anyone else, but when it came to Bruce it was enormous.

"Then, you know that I'm telling you the truth," he stated, crossing his arms against his chest as if shielding himself from her. "We need to end this before it goes any farther."

"So, I get no say in this?" she calmly asked him, refusing to back down. She knew that using logic over emotion was the best way to get through to him. "Do you not afford me the same trust that I have for you…trust me to make my own decisions? Trust me to know my heart or what I want? Trust that I can take care of myself?"

"You know I trust you more than anyone next Alfred," he growled in frustration. "If I didn't, you wouldn't have been able to get into my heart and you definitely wouldn't be standing here now."

"Then, what is it, Bruce?" she questioned him, taking a step closer but still making sure there was some distance between them. She didn't want to make him feel trapped or scare him off. She wanted him to do the one thing that was most difficult for him to do—open up his heart to her. "What happened that you can't talk to me about? Don't you think I deserve some sort of explanation…or do I mean that little to you?"

Bruce's head snapped up with her words, stunned that she could possibly think that way. "You mean absolutely everything to me," he raspingly ground out with an intensity that felt like fingernails scraping up her spine, her body nearly paralyzed by the trapped emotion that radiated off him. "You have no idea—"

His voice abruptly broke off, his chest heaving with the weight of his emotions storming through him. Diana stared at him, allowing the love that she felt for him to mirror in her eyes. "I have no idea about what, Bruce?"

Bruce turned away from her, his hands coming to rest on top of his work desk as he leaned on it for support. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he struggled for the words that were clogging his throat. "It doesn't matter anymore, Diana," he muttered.

Diana closed the distance between them, her hand tentatively coming to rest on his back. "It matters to me, Bruce…you…matter to me."

She felt a shudder roll through him like thunder beneath her hand. It caused her to fear that he would either explode like a volcano or completely break down. He ended up doing neither. "You have no idea…how much I truly love you," he softly confessed.

"I love you too," she replied, rubbing his back. "That's why I'm not about to give up on us. We're worth fighting for, Bruce."

"It doesn't matter what we feel," he told her, trying valiantly to hold onto the last thread of his control before it completely snapped altogether. "We can't be together, princess. It's too dangerous."

"Okay," she tentatively said, causing Bruce to look over at her in disbelief. "Can we at least discuss it instead of you just making the decision that it's over?"

It was taking everything she had to keep a tight hold on her anger and frustration at that moment, but she could see that she was making some headway with him. To her surprise, taking this approach was definitely working. He was beginning to open up a little more to her. She just needed to hold her heart together a little longer.

If this didn't work, though, she was definitely going to start pounding some sense into him.

Having Diana this close to him was killing him. It had been easier to hold fast to his decision when she wasn't near him, but only slightly easier. This was the hardest thing that he'd ever had to do and yet he couldn't help wondering if it was the right decision.

He fought every single day for everyone else—for Gotham, his teammates, the world. Why couldn't he fight for himself for once? Why couldn't he fight for happiness and a possible future that would actually be worth living for? Could he really change the outcome of his life and not end up like the bitter old man that he'd met in the future?

Several moments passed by, making her worry that he wasn't going to talk anymore. He surprised her again. "It was…difficult…meeting my older self," he began, staring down at his work table. "He was just a shell of a man—hard, bitter, angry at everyone and the world. It was startling to think that I had been heading down that same path as him. Then, I watched his face when he saw you and I knew what had caused him to be like he was.

"I found out later you had been killed years before, several Leaguers losing their lives in a battle. He told me that you died in his arms. It felt as though my chest had been ripped open. I couldn't bear the thought of you dying. Then, I watched you disappear right before my eyes. I tried to grab hold of you, but you were gone. There was nothing I could do to save you."

"I'm so sorry, Bruce," she softly replied, tears glistening in her eyes.

"I was out of mind," he continued on as if not hearing her. "I swore to myself I'd do whatever it took to get you back. When John and I returned to the Watchtower and I found you there, I couldn't…I didn't know if I could go through that again. I decided I didn't want to find out."

Bruce finally lifted his head, turning to look at her. She was stunned to find tears in his eyes as well. She had never seen him cry…was certain that he probably hadn't since he'd lost his parents. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she pulled him into her arms, encompassing him in her warm embrace.

"I know it's terrifying, but I'd rather take that risk with you," she murmured as she held him, rubbing his back. "What we have is far too amazing to just throw away based on one possible outcome that may never even happen now."

His arms slipped around her, drawing her to him and wrapping her up in a vice-like hold that would've crushed an ordinary woman. Diana didn't think that Bruce could possibly hold her any tighter, but she cared little. He was finally opening himself up to her and, in that moment, she somehow knew that they were going to be all right.

They held each other for what felt like an eternity, neither caring or anxious to release the other. She had missed him so much these last few weeks. It hurt her to think that he'd been struggling so deeply with what he'd experienced, wishing that she could have been there for him.

Bruce finally drew back enough to look at her, but definitely not enough to let go of her. "I'm so sorry, princess," he told her, his eyes rimmed red from holding in his tears. "I found out it hurt just as much trying to cut you out of my life as when I watched you disappear."

"I can't guarantee that I won't die someday, Bruce," she told him. "But I promise you that I will do everything I can to always come back to you."

A faint smile graced his lips as he gazed into the blue eyes that he adored. "I've missed you so much," he confessed, releasing a shuddering breath.

"Me too," she admitted, leaning in and allowing her lips to linger close to his. "I'm glad you finally saw reason. You wouldn't have liked my Plan B."

"You were going to beat me senseless, weren't you?"

"I guess you really are the World's Greatest Detective," she teased with a chuckle that was swiftly silenced by Bruce's lips and the heated kiss that held promises of so much more.

Breaking the passionate kiss, he suddenly bent down, picking her up in his arms before carrying her towards the stairs that would take them to the manor. "Alfred is definitely going to be relieved to see you again," he revealed as he ascended the stairs.

Diana's arms slipped around his neck as he lips assaulted his jaw line. "Bruce, don't you have to go out on patrol tonight?"

"I think I deserve one night off," he decided. "Besides, I may have overcrowded the jail over the last month with arrests."

"Bruce, you didn't," she chided him, her lips finding his ear.

He groaned deeply as she nibbled on his earlobe, struggling to focus on putting one step in front of the other instead of just throwing her down on the nearest couch and taking her right there. It was more than difficult though with her whispering in his ear all the wicked things she was going to do with him once they got to his bedroom.

He forcefully kicked his bedroom door closed with the heel of his boot before setting her down on the floor. "Okay, you're going to do every single thing that you just told me," he insisted as he began removing her uniform.

"I'm going to drive you out of your mind, Dark Knight," she replied with a sexy smile as she tore his uniform from his body.

As Bruce placed kisses along her throat, Diana tilted her head back, a thought occurring to her. "Did anything happen between you and me in that mission that I should know about?" she breathily asked as he picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist.

Bruce nearly stumbled in his step as he carried her to his bed, laying her down and crawling on top of her. "Nothing that I can think of, princess," he maintained, his lips finding hers in order to silence any more questions from her. There was no way he was going to tell her that John heard them making love in that hotel room.

At least tonight, they wouldn't have an audience.