It feels surreal. It feels right in a way that makes her heart hurt. Her cousin keeps close to her and Hinata can now talk without inhibition, without worrying. She talks about whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Neji doesn't usually smile, has never been one to even smirk. But his tone is soft and he searches for her, probes her with questions.
They have started talking about their time back in the Hyuga clan and although it is obvious they are still apprehensive about it; although their eyes wander when the topic is reached; although the silences are longer and the words get lost more often. They talk.
Hinata guesses it is her fault she lets her guard down. The days are calm, her baby is healthy, she manages to catch Neji smirking once and Naruto is supposed to reach the Two-Tails territory within the week. Which means he'll be back soon now. Sooner than when he left. Sooner than yesterday.
Hinata is walking through the hallways lost in thought. Trying to keep herself from worrying about her husband and focusing on her health and her baby. The maid that rushes to her looks agitated and she opens and closes her mouth for a while before saying anything.
"We have sent word to Lord Shikamaru," she starts, her hands in front of her, her fingers pinching at each other. "Lady Mito, Lord Minato and Lord Jiraiya are outside the compound on business, and," she looks at Hinata as if asking for forgiveness and Hinata only grows more apprehensive by the second, "we have sent for Lord Neji, too, he should be arriving any second now-"
"Wait," Hinata interrupts and the maid catches her breath, her lips closing together in a thin line, "what- what happened?"
The maid is reluctant, she looks at Hinata with her brows furrowed and her gaze fixes on her lady's white eyes.
"Lady Hinata's father, Lord Hiashi is here."
•····························•····························•
Hinata rushes to the guest room, then slows. The maid at her side follows her every movement and matches them accordingly. It only makes Hinata more nervous.
She ought to go and meet her father.
She could also let Neji handle everything and hide in her room-
-wait in her room.
She stands there a second too long, the maid stands close to her, then closer. Her voice is tinged with worry. "Maybe we should wait for Lord Neji, my lady."
And in any other tone of voice maybe Hinata would have powered through. At any other point in her life, maybe she would have felt a surge of rebellion and walked alone. But this is another time, and the maid at her side doesn't look away when Hinata turns to her.
There is no irk in her eyes, no contempt.
Hinata nods and tries her hardest to keep her thoughts from going haywire. It doesn't work. Neji comes find her with his hair disheveled and his breath labored.
"Lady Hinata," he breathes, and they share a look so heavy she wishes Neji could tell her they don't need to- that they don't have to-
"You don't have to do this," he finishes.
Hinata's stomach turns. And leave him again to face this on his own?
"I can meet Lord Hiashi on my own-"
"B-but…"
"It is different with me."
He frowns and as he gets closer he reaches for her arms. Hinata knows he's right.
"You know it."
She does. And she wishes she could accept this without having so much trouble. She wishes she could keep her father away from her. She wishes it didn't hurt her to deny him.
But it does. Somehow, for some reason, the moment she heard he was here her first instinct was to go to him. Somehow, without her being able to understand why, thinking of disappointing him is out of the question.
"I… I want to g-go."
She averts her eyes, because she can't face her cousin now. Neji squeezes her arm and his next words are low, a whisper.
"I understand."
•····························•····························•
Her father is sitting in the room with an air around him that shows no emotion. Hinata's steps falter at the sight, but his gaze doesn't follow. His eyes are fixed in front of him, and Hinata is only able to look him in the eyes when she's sitting and Neji is next to her, a little behind. A guard. An assistant.
She waits for a signal. Loses herself in the white eyes of her father and realizes that she is the one who has to start talking when the silence drags on far too long for comfort.
Her father remains silent and Hinata wonders if he would keep on being silent even if she decided to keep quiet.
She doesn't. The role of being a good host ingrained in her body.
"Father," she says. Her breathing controlled, her body perfectly positioned. "It is good to s-see you again." She winces as she stutters, fears a berating coming.
"It is good to see you again, too."
It's weird. Seeing her father waiting for her to speak first. Being in a position where she controls the situation.
It's weird. Because she thought that even in here, even now, her father would impose himself. Would act like he did back home.
He doesn't.
She is lost in thought and Hiashi can't help but stare at her stomach. Big and obvious beneath her clothes.
"How far along are you?"
Hinata brings her hands to her belly immediately after, as if to keep her baby away from this conversation.
"Twenty- twenty-eight weeks n-now."
Hiashi nods, then forces the words out of his mouth, "Congratulations."
His daughter looks up with disbelief at his words and says nothing. He had thought he knew her so well. Had thought he could read her like an open book. But now she remains silent and looks at him with questions she does not share.
And if she doesn't ask her questions he can't answer.
Silence fills the room again and Hiashi steals a look at Neji, who looks straight at the floor in front of him with the blankest of faces. Just like Hiashi had taught him.
He hadn't entertained the idea of being welcomed. But he certainly hadn't entertained the idea either of being… received like this.
His daughter looks like he's supposed to lash out at any moment and Neji sits tense like an arrow about to be released at any moment.
"Wha- what… What do I owe the h-honor of your visit, f-father?"
"You didn't write to me."
The moment the words leave his mouth Hiashi wishes he didn't say anything. What a childish reason. What a lame excuse.
"I… I d-did," his daughter lies and Hiashi realizes now more than ever that maybe… this whole situation didn't bother her as much as him.
Hiashi's eyes travel to his nephew, his stance so formal he can only feel proud for him. There is a voice at the back of his head telling him to let this go. To understand that this was a choice and not an obstacle, not a problem he had to solve.
It's frustration what makes him speak. "I know Neji is the one who wrote all the letters you sent."
Hinata and Neji startle with the slightest of movements, and Hinata's eyes look at her father with a growing feeling of shame. How could he-?
"Do not forget I was the one who taught you penmanship, Hinata." Aside from his words, there isn't even the barest of signs to show there will be a conversation ensuing. Hiashi breathes in deep, lets out a shaky breath, "you too, Neji. I taught you both, I know how to recognize your writing," Hiashi begins to stand, making sure his clothes don't wrinkle on the way up, "or the way you fake Hinata's writing, for that matter."
His daughter looks up to him, and as always, her eyes fill with questions she doesn't express.
But Hiashi now can guess what is it she expects of him, "Don't worry, I'm leaving now."
He stands with his back to the children and starts putting on his haori with conscious and deliberately slow movements.
"Did you come here now because Lord Naruto is not present?" Neji asks.
"No," Hiashi answers, "it just happened to be when I had free time, I had no idea."
Hiashi finishes putting on his haori and takes his long hair out to his back. There are no further attempts to ask anything to him as he makes his way to the door. He steals one last glance at his daughter. At her pregnant belly.
"I wish for you to have a smooth delivery and a healthy baby." He bows as he offers the words. Stops a few more seconds just looking at her from the door.
"Why… wh-why didn't you c-come to my wedding c-ceremony?"
A second. "The timing didn't match, I was busy with the clan."
Hinata wants to ask what was going on that he couldn't come, but her father bows one last time before he starts closing the sliding door.
"Take care, Hinata."
Hiashi stands behind the door casting a shadow for a moment too long and then he hurries away.
He lost his opportunity to ask for permission to see his grandchild after they're born.
•····························•····························•
"Are you all right?"
"Y-yes."
Neji stares at the sliding door, as if expecting for Lord Hiashi to come back any moment now.
"I don't… I don't really understand why Lord Hiashi came here."
Hinata doesn't know nor understand either, but she knows one thing for sure.
"Can you h-help me go back to my r-room?"
"Of course," Neji stands in a flash, offering his hand as support and pressing the other to her back. "Are you feeling… all right?"
"Yes, just a little…" she doesn't finish and Neji doesn't keep on probing.
Neji takes her to her bedroom, makes sure she's comfortable and leaves her alone. She doesn't say anything and doesn't ask him to stay. So he leaves. He's sure… Lord Hiashi coming here rattled her nerves.
Hinata stays alone and eats alone. The night comes in a second and Shikamaru comes see her when he can. She's all right. Nothing happened. He has nothing to worry about. He leaves with the same face Neji had given her in the afternoon.
Hinata wishes… she had said more. Wishes she had had the courage and strength to talk. On her terms, on her home.
And she didn't.
She couldn't.
She's going to be a mother and she's incapable of talking like an adult to her own father.
The faces Neji and Shikamaru gave her only serve to make her feel… worse.
She feels bad.
From the moment her heart started thumping inside her chest knowing her father was here.
From the moment she understood fear was the smallest of the feelings inside of her.
Her father had come to see her and she had felt excited at the idea he had come for her.
She hated it. The moment she understood it. She hated it. Hated it as she laid eyes on him, hated it as she felt guilt over his accusations, hated it as she accepted his reasons for not attending her wedding with a readiness that scared her.
Hated it as she wished for him to stay longer.
She wants to hate him so bad. Has wished to be able to be spiteful all her life. But she can't. She can't, she can't. She can only remember his kindness, can only justify his wrongdoings.
She loathes the fact that all of her resolve crumbled down the moment he came back into her life.
She can live without him. Wants to live without him.
But only one word from him and she would accept him back into her life.
As the tears fall and she tries to clear her thoughts, she grabs one of Naruto's clothes to their bed. With his scent around her, making as if he's right beside her, she sniffles once more and falls asleep.
Mah poor baby ಥ_ಥ
Naruto is scheduled to make an appearance in two more chapters lol
Also, binge-watched Squid Game recently. Solid show! I have new wounds that will never heal, of course ლ(╹◡╹ლ)
Have a great one and see you next week!
PS. RAMONA THANK YOU FOR BEING SO SWEET