(This chapter's almost 1300 words long.

Sorry, I have a huge assignment due for class in 2 days.

Once that's done, I'm free again!

Get the tissues out, this one will hurt!)

Chapter Five

Ladybug doesn't know how long she long she sat on the roof before returning home to her bed. Thankfully, she'd written a quick note for her parents, in case they were worried. She knew they would, after being gone for weeks at a time. She's still not sure if she wants to continue on without him. She was happy the Dr had found a passion to live for, but she's not sure she could. As lovely as his story was, it had nothing to do with her. His wife died of natural causes in her sleep. She didn't get murdered; she didn't die saving his life. He didn't then turn evil and kill the person in cold blood, and enjoy it. But, of course, he didn't know that. No-one could know that, ever. Just another burden for her to carry alone.

Laying in bed, she listens to the sound of the city mourning, Plagg mourning, her parents mourning. She doesn't quite know what her parents were mourning, probably here. As far as they're concerned, their daughter died in that cave. The person in her room, in her bed, was not their daughter. But, an empty shell of a human being. One who wished for nothing more, then oblivion.

A fall from the Eiffel Tower would be enough to kill her. But only if she was Marinette. Ladybug would survive the fall, her suit would protect her. She could transform back, but Tikki would never let her jump. And she wasn't sure she could do that to Tikki. No, if she is going to kill herself. She needed to send the Kwarmi's away first. Make sure they were safe. The box and all its Miraculous, safe. She's not sure what she'd do with Plagg or Tikki. Maybe give them to Ayla? Along with the box? She knows Ayla would protect them. Would they be happy? No, would she care? Again, no.

She didn't know if she could truly kill herself. What if the bible was right? What if she goes to Hell, and her Kitty's in Heaven? What if because she killed Gabriel, they send her to Hell, anyway? She has never believed in any of this religious nonsense, but now she wasn't too sure. Could she risk it, risk dying only to be sent to Hell? An eternity away from her Kitty? A fate worse than living a life without him?

Surely, saving the world from Monarch a few millions times is worth one mistake? Right? A lifetime of being a hero and saving people should be enough to gain entry! What was she thinking? Heaven is no more real than Hell? Then, does that mean she'll never be with her Kitty again? They won't spend the afterlife together? Even in death, something separate them.

Why? Why was she tortured this way? Hadn't she done enough to earn her happily ever after? Hadn't she sacrificed enough of her childhood, her life, to get a reward? Being a hero isn't about rewards. No, but it would be a nice show of gratitude. Why can't she use the Bunny Miraculous to go back in time and save her Kitty. Why not? It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair.

"Life's not fair, Bugaboo." Kitty said, as she laid with her head in his lap.

"I know, and that alone is not fair." She sighed as he played with her hair.

"Life is only fair when we make it fair. All one can do is live their life humbly and hope for acknowledgement of it. When they die. I don't mean Heaven or Hell. I mean, in general. Even if it just means that people will remember them fondly, happily and with love. That they get celebrated for existing. That's all the reward one needs." Kitty said as she smiled down at her.

"Did you read that in a fortune cookie, Kitty?" She giggled as he tugged on her hair.

Adrien got what he wanted. The whole world mourned him, praised him, and worshipped him. They will always remember him fondly, and with love. But, if Marinette, Ladybug. Kills herself, they will only remember her with sadness and pain. The pain of her loss will forever taint all the happiness and memories. No, it is not good. She could never do it, no matter how much pain she is in. But she will never be Marinette Dupain-Cheng again. That girl died in the cave and a new person was born. One filled with darkness, hatred, bitterness and sadness. Yes, she will live. But, it won't be a happy life. Not at all.

Getting out of bed, she started to pack away all her things from before. All her sewing projects, supplies and machine. She no longer cared about Fashion. It reminded her of her Kitty, it was too much. Gazing around at all the pictures of Adrien, she sighs. And slowly starts taking them down. Even finished, it's not the same. The room held to many memories, too much pain.

Climbing out onto her balcony, she notices a crowd in the park below. She decides to put on a hoodie to hide under and go check it out. At least she's leaving the house.

Slipping into the crowd, Marinette keeps her head low and moves to the front. While making sure to keep off to the side and out of site. She doesn't know what's going on, but a lot of people are wearing black and crying about Adrien. Adrien's sugars annoy her, they didn't know him at all. They had no right to act like this, act like they'd lost their one true love. She truly doesn't blame them, after all she was a huge Adrien fan too once.

"Thank you all for coming here today. Today, we honour our fallen hero and friend. Alas Ladybug could not join us today. My people tried to reach out to her, but she has been MIA since the news. I'm sure she will drop by if she can." He calls out to the people gathered around him.

"No, she won't! She's probably at home sobbing her heart out. We all know how much she loved Cat Noir. They were dating before his death!" A voice rises from the crowd. Marinette recognises it as Ayla's and hides deeper in her hoodie. Not even daring to look.

"That poor, poor child. She was with his body. She'd been lying with it for who knows how long. Probably wishing death would take her as well." The woman buries her face in her husband's arms, as she lets out quite sobs.

"Sounds about right." Other voices say, as the speaker tries to regain order.

"As I was saying. We're here to honour Adrien Agreste, also known as Cat Noir." He turns with a flourish only a politician can pull off. As the cover falls off the statue. It was of Adrien reaching for the sky, and Cat Noir on his knee reaching down for a hand.

An overwhelming urge to take his hand and pull herself into his lap, and lie in his arms once more. Was more than she could bear. All she wanted to do was to lie in his arms and listen to his purr. As he called her 'My Lady' or 'Bugaboo'. While he told her that everything will be okay, you'll be okay. 'It's you and me and against the world, remember?' Blinded by tears, she didn't notice someone take her and drag her away from the crowd and back to the bakery. As the bakery door shut behind her, she finally gave in to the darkness once more.