TITLE: Lose My Mind

AUTHOR: LOTSlover

CHARACTERS: Batman / Wonder Woman

RATING:

WARNINGS: Author Chooses Not to Use Warnings

DISCLAIMER: I love Justice League, but especially Batman and Wonder Woman. Unfortunately, I do not own the characters and, if I did, things would be much different for them.

SUMMARY: Set during and after the episode "Dead Reckoning", Batman struggles with killing Devil Ray even though it saved Diana's life.

Lose My Mind

Diana watched as Batman typed up the last paragraph of the report, her stomach reminding her that it was definitely lunch time. It had taken them several hours, but their work was finally finished. They would be free to get something to eat and hopefully relax a little…that was if she could get Bruce to relax. Even on a good day that was an almost impossible feat to accomplish, but she had a certain way with him.

"Is that really everything?" Superman asked.

"We're done," Batman confirmed. "All reports filed."

He tried to ignore the fact that Diana was standing close to his shoulder, her jasmine scent a constant assault on his senses. He knew she was going to want to do something fun…something that would take time he didn't have. He didn't have time for fun right now. He had too much work to do.

"Good," Diana said. "What do you guys say we get something to eat? We hardly ever spend time together when we're not working."

"Sounds good to me," Superman agreed as he walked towards the couple. "I'm tired of commissary food."

Batman internally grimaced with Diana's suggestion. "I'd like to Diana, but I've been away from Gotham too long," he told her as he turned to walk away.

As much as he'd love to spend time with Diana even if Clark tagged along, he had to get things cleaned up in Gotham. He had planned a surprise to take Diana away for a few days to Paris, but he didn't feel he could leave Gotham in Dick and Tim's hands until he'd done some extra work first.

He could see Diana's dejected reaction out of the corner of his eyes as she folded her arms against her chest, but he ignored it. He needed to focus a little longer on Gotham and then they could spend some much-needed time alone in the city that had become very special to the two of them.

"Come on, Bruce," Superman tried to reason with him. "I know a burger place in Metropolis that has the best fries on the east coast and the milkshakes are so thick…I need your help."

"That's pretty thick," Diana responded, her arms falling to her sides as she looked curiously at her friend.

"I'm serious," Superman insisted. "I need your help on a mission of vengeance. Now, don't be alarmed, but I'm not Superman. I'm…"

"…a ghost inhabiting his body," Batman finished for him. "Is that you, Boston?"

"Hiya, Bats," he responded. "When I'm working, people call me Deadman."

"You know this…ghost?" Diana asked Bruce, her hand finding her hip.

"Yah, Batman helped me solve my own murder a while back," Boston revealed to a bewildered Diana. "Now, I need your help again."

"If you hurt Superman, I'll—" Diana began.

Superman raised both hands in defense. "Relax, he doesn't even know I'm in here."

"We can't see or hear him otherwise," Batman explained. "Once he leaves, Superman will be fine."

"It's like he says," Brand confirmed.

"Why are you still around?" Batman questioned him, the white slits of his cowl narrowing. "I thought once your murder was solved your exile was ended."

"You and me both," he replied. "You know how they say no good deed goes unpunished. I guess I shot my mouth off to the wrong deity."

"What is this about?" Diana demanded to know.

"A bunch of supervillains busted into Nanda Parbat and stole a mystic totem filled with the souls of hundreds of monks…and they killed the Master."

The lenses of Batman's cowl widened in shock with the unexpected news. He abruptly turned away from them, placing both hands on top of the conference table, leaning heavily on it as he tried to process the revelation. It had obviously been a devastating blow to him.

"Batman?" Diana gently called his name as she made his way to him.

"He knew the Master even before I did," Boston softly informed her.

"He was one of my martial art teachers," Batman murmured as Diana's hand came to rest on his shoulder in sympathy.

Diana wanted to provide him more comfort then the simple touch of her hand, but she knew Bruce. He wouldn't want to be embraced, wouldn't want to be forced to talk about it at all especially in front of another person. It would be something that he would try to deal with in private if he dealt with it at all. If she were lucky, she might be able to get him to open up about it a little tonight once they returned home.

"With all the power in this body, it would be easy to punish the men responsible…if I could find them," Brand announced, clenching his hands into fists as he held them up before him.

"That's not the Master's way…or yours," Batman rasped as he turned to look at him over his shoulder. "We'll find them and see that justice is done, not vengeance."

"Yah…fun to think about though," Brand groused.

"Let's go up to Ops and see if you can pick the bad guys out of a photo array," Diana suggested as she began to walk away, Batman and Superman following behind her.

Entering Ops, they found Mister Terrific there who readily began pulling up photos of their known rogues. A picture of Circe with her unforgettable purple hair appeared on the large screen before them, Diana's anger instantly sparking with just the sight of the witch who had turned her into a pig.

"You're sure that's not the magician you saw?" Diana asked.

"Nope…all the rest of them are right on, though," Brand confirmed.

"First sign of Luthor since Shayera saw him on Blackhawk Island," Batman commented, glancing over at Diana. "What's he up to?"

"This seems like it might be bigger than Luthor," Diana thoughtfully added. "King Faraday told me Devil Ray escaped from prison and Bizzaro showing up again…and all the odd teams of previously unaffiliated villains…"

Batman's head snapped to the left to study her, not liking the fact that Faraday had been in contact with Diana. He knew where she was going with her line of thought. "…whose brains have been conveniently shorting out when we question them," Batman completed her thought for her.

"Do you guys remember the one bit of information J'onn was able to pull out of Giganta's mind before it shut down?" Mister Terrific asked, knowing exactly where this was headed.

"Grodd," Diana stated in disgust. "Think he's put together a new Secret Society?"

"Except this time, he's doing a better job of keeping a secret," Batman said.

"How do we find them?" Diana asked, crossing her arms against her gold-plated chest.

"Wish I could help," Brand muttered. "I can feel the psychic screams of the souls they stole, but I can't pinpoint a location. All I get are images of Africa. I know…kinda doesn't narrow things down but it's all I can—"

"Gorilla City," Diana interrupted him, looking at Batman. "He's going back home."

Batman immediately turned, making his way to another computer. "Solovar," Batman hailed. "This is Batman."

"What a coincidence," Solovar replied. "I was just going to call you."

"Wanted to give you a heads up," Batman told him. "We've got reason to believe that Grodd's heading your way."

"You don't say," Solovar snapped, firing his weapon. "That might explain the army of supervillains attacking the city."

"How bad?" Batman asked.

"They've taken over," Solovar revealed. "They're already holding the central control building. We could use some help if you have any to spare. Can't chat. Signing off."

"Gorilla City?" Boston said.

"A hidden city of super-intelligent talking gorillas with technology far beyond anything humans have created," Diana told him.

"No…really?" Boston mocked.

"You're a ghost from the Himalayas having trouble believing this?" Diana questioned him.

"Point," Boston replied as he pointed at her.

Before Deadman knew what was happening, he found himself in Africa with Wonder Woman and Batman. He looked around at the landscape, clearly irritated at what he found. "You know when they beam down on that TV show they never miss," Boston grumbled.

"We didn't miss either," Diana confirmed, placing her hand against the invisible shield. "It's a forcefield, but it also hides the city from prying eyes."

"Looks like a job for Superman."

"You're wasting time," Batman stated in annoyance as Boston attempted to break through the forcefield with his fists. "Go in as a ghost and find the central control building and shut down the shield generator. We'll follow as soon as we can."

"Yah…okay," Brand agreed as he exited Superman's body.

"You have to eat them with a spoon," Superman finished saying as he looked around at the landscape that surrounded them. "What am I doing in Africa?"

XXX

The team immediately flew into action as the invisible forcefield disappeared, revealing Gorilla City under heavy attack. Smoke billowed from buildings that were pock marked by destruction. Gorillas ran in every direction as Grodd's new Secret Society attacked with a fierce vengeance.

Spotting Wonder Woman fighting Devil Ray, Deadman took the given opportunity to get the revenge that he was so desperate to deliver as he took over her body. "You killed me teacher…my friend," Boston angrily spouted as he closed in on Devil Ray in Wonder Woman's body.

"You'll have to be more specific," Devil Ray retorted as he continued firing his weapons. "I've killed a lot of people."

"The old monk," Deadman spat out, hitting Devil Ray with a right hook that sent him flying backwards into a stone wall that crumbled on impact.

Diana reached over and grabbed Devil Ray by the front of his uniform, her right fist primed and ready to end him. Her lips were curled into a sneer of hatred as she glared at him. "What are you waiting for?" Devil Ray asked. "You want revenge? Take it."

"No, that's not what he would've wanted," Diana ground out as she dropped him.

Backing away, Deadman exited Diana's body, leaving a furious Amazon behind. "Next time ask permission!" she yelled.

XXX

Finishing off one of Grodd's men, Batman saw Bizzaro fly past him just before Superman landed beside him. "You okay?" Batman asked.

"Yah, let's wrap this up," Superman said.

A light force quickly swept over the city, turning Diana into an ape. "Oh, come on!" she angrily yelled just before Batman and Superman were turned into apes as well.

Unwilling to let their new appearance slow them down, they raced into the center control building to find Grodd, Luthor, and Tala standing before the device that caused the transformation. Grodd merely stared at them in amusement as the three superheroes approached.

"Tell me how to stop it!" Superman demanded to know.

"Get us out of here, Tala," Grodd ordered her, a grin on his face as the three of them disappeared.

Superman immediately went to work trying to rip the generator free. Electric shocks shot through him as he finally pried the generator free, throwing it up through the ceiling and into the air as he was thrown several yards away. The device burst into flames, turning the heroes back into their human forms.

"Is everything okay?" Superman asked as he came to, finding Diana leaning over him.

"Well, I'm missing Flash's obligatory joke about how Grodd made a monkey out of us," Diana quipped with a barely suppressed grin.

"Just couldn't let it go unsaid," Superman replied with a smile.

"Obligatory," she reminded him as she helped him to his feet.

"That's it guys…ruck it up," Boston fumed as he hovered above them. "You saved the world, but I failed. Everyone in Nanda Parbat is gone…forever."

"We're in your debt again, Justice League," Solovar said as he approached them.

"If only Luthor and Grodd hadn't gotten away," Superman replied.

"If it's any consolation, we've picked up nearly a dozen of his superpowered cronies," Solovar revealed. "With more to come I'm sure."

No one except for Deadman noticed Devil Ray sneaking into the control room as they talked. He watched as Devil Ray zeroed in on Diana, knowing he had to act fast. Brand immediately took over Batman's body, lunging for the gun on the floor. He picked it up and fired it directly at Devil Ray just as he was about to kill Diana. Devil Ray flew backwards with a cry, hitting an electrical control box before falling to the ground dead.

"No! I didn't mean…" Batman uttered in shock and horror as Deadman released him.

Getting to his feet, Batman looked at the gun in his hand, throwing it as far away from him as possible. He couldn't believe that he'd just killed a man regardless of his affiliation with Grodd and the Secret Society. It didn't matter if they were hero or criminal. A life was a life and it was worth saving no matter who they were.

"Bruce," Superman sternly said as he placed a reassuring hand on Batman's shoulder. "Deadman took over your body. It wasn't your fault."

Batman shrugged his hand off before silently turning away and storming out of the central control room. "Let me explain!" Deadman cried, desperate to justify his actions. "He would've shot her! I didn't have a choice!"

No one heard Deadman as Diana and Superman followed Batman out of the central control building. None of them spoke to each other, each of them trying to process what had just taken place as they requested transportation back up to the Watchtower.

Without a word, Batman immediately transported to the Batcave, leaving Diana and Clark standing there alone. Diana drew a ragged breath, wrapping her arms around herself. Clark put a hand on her shoulder, hoping to provide some measure of comfort.

"Just give him a little time, Diana," Clark told her. "He knows on some level that it wasn't his fault."

"I'd rather Devil Ray shot me than for Bruce to go through this," she softly said.

"Diana, you don't mean that," Clark stated, frowning at the thought. "He would've killed you."

"You don't know that for sure," she replied, averting her eyes. "I probably could've survived it."

"You don't know that for sure," he pointed out. "It was Deadman, not Batman who killed Devil Ray even if it was accidental. I'm not happy that Devil Ray is dead, but I'm glad you're safe."

"Thanks," she murmured. "I need to talk to Bruce."

"Good luck," Clark told her. "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

Diana silently nodded her head as she walked away, needing to stop by her quarters first to get cleaned up. She didn't know how she was going to be able to get through to him, but she knew that she had to try or risk losing him to his inner demons that continued to haunt him even now.

She couldn't let him get lost in his head or drown himself in his unfounded guilt. She sent up a flurry of silent prayers to her goddesses, knowing that she would need their assistance if she was going to get through to him. It was going to be an uphill battle, but it was one that she was determined to win.

XXX

Batman assaulted the punching bag hanging from the ceiling with all the fury and guilt that was teeming inside of him like some wild thing that he couldn't begin to tame or obliterate no matter how hard he tried. His hair was still wet from his shower, his workout shorts slung low on his hips as he poured all of his rage into every punch.

His fists tightened even harder as he pummeled the back, nearly knocking it free from its reinforced hinges. A roar of pure frenzy tore from his throat as he quickened his pace, his fists beginning to bleed from the beating he was giving the leather bag.

He should have known Devil Ray was there before Deadman took over his body. He would've been able to stop him from trying to hurt Diana without killing him. He should've been stronger, forcing Deadman from his body, but he didn't know what had happened until it was too late…until he saw the gun in his hand.

He squeezed his eyes closed against the sight of Devil Ray's smoking body as it lay dead on the ground…dead by his hand. It was something that he'd never be able to forgive himself for. He'd sworn to himself long ago that he'd never take another's life, but he'd just broken that rule.

At the same time, Devil Ray was about to kill Diana. How would he have been able to live without her in his life?

It was a no-win situation, one that was impossible for him to escape. He felt incredible guilt that Devil Ray was dead and yet overwhelming relief that Diana was alive. They'd always sworn to each other that they wouldn't worry about one another in a battle or chose each other over someone else in a mission.

Had his love for her colored his judgment? Would he have pulled that trigger if Deadman hadn't inhabited his body?

It was an endless barrage of questions that assaulted him, his mind a constant whirlwind of why's without answers…fears without assurances and anguish without healing. He knew it was all going to revisit him tonight in his nightmares. When would it ever end? He'd finally lost his mind once and for all?

"Bruce, please…stop."

The sound of her gentle voice had always been a soothing balm to his battered soul, bringing a measure of peace and comfort that he sorely needed. Now, it was a reminder of what he'd almost lost and how he'd been the one to take a life in order to save hers.

"Not now, Diana," he rasped with an icy edge as he continued to assault the punching bag.

"Yes, now," she insisted.

"I said no!" he roared, whirling on his heel to face her with a heaving chest and labored breaths. "I don't need to talk, and I don't need you here trying to comfort me!"

Diana stood there several feet away from him, dressed in a short white chiton and sandals. Her raven hair was pulled back into a ponytail, her expression filled with compassion as she studied him. Her blue eyes were filled with nothing but love—no reproach, no fault-finding, no disappointment.

Just love…pure and passionate and limitless.

It was almost too much to bear as he turned back to his punching bag, his arms wrapping around it. He panted heavily as his forehead came to rest against the bag, his eyes squeezing closed against the images that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Several moments passed without words, making him wonder if she had left. He was proven wrong when he felt a gentle hand on his back. His arms fell to his sides as his forehead continued to rest against the bag. He felt her hand slowly move against his bare back, over his shoulder blade to his shoulder and down his arm.

Her fingers lightly wrapped around his wrist before gently pulling him away. He found himself going willingly, allowing her to lead him to a nearby bench that she guided him to sit down on. He stared down at his bloody hands, the countless cracks and cuts caused by his inability to deal with his grief and his guilt.

Diana's hand slid into his line of sight with his own. It looked so small compared to his, so delicate and yet he knew so immensely powerful. They could be filled with so much righteous fury and justice or they could show so much love and passion for him and him alone.

She took his left hand first, carefully cleaning the cuts on the back of his hand without uttering a single word. She took her time to clean each and every split knuckle, every crack before just as tenderly wrapping his hand in a bandage.

She brought his hand to her lips, kissing the bandaged knuckles that would no doubt be black and blue come morning. She laid it back down in his lap before turning her attention to other hand, giving it the same tender ministrations that the left had received.

Finishing with his right hand, she ran her fingers through his jet-black hair. "You carry so very much weight on your shoulders," she softly said with a note of sadness in her voice as her fingers slowly trailed down the curve of his face to his chin.

She bestowed him with a sweet, soft kiss to his lips before standing to her feet. He stood as well, Diana taking him by the wrist and leading him out of the training room. He didn't say a word as she led him through the cave and up into the manor, didn't attempt to escape as she led him up the stairs to their bedroom.

He normally would've tried to flee by now, running away from her and everyone else, but something inside of him kept him by her side. Whether it was out of curiosity or his love for this woman, he had no idea. All he knew was that he didn't want her to leave despite his angry words to her.

Entering their bedroom, Diana paused by their bed, removing his shorts and boxers, leaving him bare before her. Ignoring his nudity, she pulled the covers back on the bed before walking past him as if assuming that he'd simply do what she obviously wanted him to do.

He waited for a long moment, watching as she allowed her chiton to fall to the floor before removing her sandals. She made her way around to her side of their bed, crawling in and settling against the pillows with a contented sigh.

His mind raced with questions, wondering what she was up to. Why wasn't she arguing with him about how it hadn't been his fault or try to convince him that Deadman had done the right thing by saving her life? They'd usually be in the middle of a fight by now, but they weren't.

Bruce surrendered to his curiosity, climbing into bed next to her. She immediately turned to him, pulling him into her arms and the warm cocoon of her body as she securely wrapped herself around him. They were a tangled mess of legs and arms as her head came to rest on his chest. He relished the feel of the warmth and softness of her skin against his as they lay there together in the dark stillness of the night.

Bruce opened his mouth to say something…to ask why she was doing this, but then he thought better of it. He didn't want to ruin the unexpected tranquility that he'd found with her. It felt absolutely perfect at that moment, just laying here with her in his arms.

Diana was alive and safe with him. For that alone, he'd be eternally grateful to her gods for watching over her. He just wished that Devil Ray's death hadn't happened and hadn't been by his hands. The guilt welled up in his chest with the reminder, threatening to choke him.

His hands throbbed, reminding him of the abuse that he'd put them through against the punching bag. The significance hadn't been missed by either of them as Diana had bandaged his hands for him. It was as if he were trying to atone for what he'd done, punishing the very hands that had taken a life.

He could tell Diana was asleep already. It had been an exceptionally long day for both of them, exhausting them both. He attempted to wiggle free from her embrace, wanting to go out on patrol despite the condition of his hands. Diana had other ideas as she tightened her hold on him, forcing him to lay still.

"Don't even think about it," she sleepily said, her voice barely above a whisper. "They have it covered tonight."

Bruce grumbled a barely perceptible curse, huffing in annoyance. He forced himself to close his eyes, maybe getting a little sleep for a while before trying to escape again. He braced himself against the nightmares that he knew awaited him as soon as he fell asleep. He would face them head on just as he always had.

XXX

Bruce slowly woke to the feel of fingers caressing his chest, a soft, gentle touch that was soothing beyond imagine. He opened his eyes to find sunlight streaming in through a nearby window, surprised to find that it was morning. How had he managed to sleep through the night and without nightmares?

The only explanation that he could come up with was the woman lying next to him in his bed.

His bandaged hand came to rest on top of hers, stopping her tender ministrations. He turned his head to find striking blue eyes gazing at him with the same love that he'd seen last night. "Morning," she softly greeted him, her lips a loving caress against his.

"How did you know what to do?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing with so many questions.

"What do you mean?" she asked, her hand coming to rest on top of his chest before her chin followed.

"You didn't push me to talk…didn't try to tell me it wasn't my fault," he explained. "You just comforted me…held me all night. How did you know that was what I needed most? I didn't even know."

"Well, it would have been pointless to tell you that it wasn't your fault because I know you, Bruce," she replied, moving to lay on top of him so she could gaze directly into his eyes. "You had already made up your mind that you were responsible for his death and you weren't about to listen to anyone telling you otherwise. Arguing with you wouldn't have changed anything so I did the one thing that I knew I could do—I took care of you while you tried to come to terms with it in your head."

He lifted his head to kiss her, his bandaged hands coming to rest on the back of her head. She stroked his hair as she laid her head on his chest, her lips nuzzling his throat. "I know how hard this is for you to accept and it's okay, Bruce," she simply said. "I understand how difficult this is for you."

"No…you don't," he insisted with a scowl. "There was a part of me that was almost glad that Devil Ray was dead. He tried to kill you, Diana. I couldn't have survived that. I'm afraid that I'd lose my mind if I lost you."

"I'd rather have Devil Ray shoot me than for you to struggle with his death," she told him.

"No," he adamantly stated, shaking his head. "Don't say that, Diana."

"I love you, Bruce," she said as she sat up to straddle his waist between her thighs, her hand cupping his face. "I'd take away all your pain if I could."

"I know," he murmured. "And I love you for trying."

She smiled down at him, leaning forward to kiss him with an awakening passion that longed solely for him. She needed to comfort and be comforted in that moment, to show love and to be loved. She felt him begin to respond to her as she kissed along his throat to his chest, her mouth latching onto his nipple and sucking hard.

Bruce moaned deeply, his eyes falling closed as she began to make love to him, her lips creating a tortuous path along his abdomen. He knew that coming to terms with what had happened would take time, but he also knew that he could do it as long as she was by his side.

For once in his life, he wasn't at risk of losing his mind after a traumatic event like this and it was all because of her.