December 9, 1977
I was overcome with déjà vu as I made the walk back to the headmaster's office for the second time in two days. Sirius was the picture of calm next to me. He'd dressed to impress in a smart pair of charcoal grey trousers, dark grey robes, and black shoes that clicked on the stone floor as we walked. The click of his shoes kept me from spiraling into thoughts of a million possible ways that tonight could end in disaster. The steady clip gave me something to fixate on.
"It'll be fine, Red." He flashed me a dazzling wink that, any other day, would have sent a molten fire spreading through my stomach. I could only offer him a tight lip smile in return.
"Lemon drop," I said to the gargoyle and waited patiently for him to jump to the side. 24 steps to the top. I took in a shaky breath, stealing my nerves for the evening.
"Come on Cole, where's that Gryffindor courage?" I let out a snort through my nose.
"I think I left it in the common room." I cast a sideways glance at him and he reached over to grab my hand.
"Have some of mine." He gave my fingers a tight squeeze and I felt my anxiety wane a bit at the reassurance his physical touch offered me. We climbed up the stairs hand in hand, feeling more and more like I was walking toward the execution block as we rose. I reached for the knocker, but before I could touch it the door was opened and Dumbledore caught us on the landing.
"Mr. Black, I wasn't expecting you," He flashed me a questioning look over his half-moon spectacles.
"Sorry, Professor," Sirius looked at the old man with his patented teacher charming grin, "Cole promised me a date tonight."
Dumbledore looked at me expectantly, like he knew I'd invited Sirius here to spite him – which was only half true. "We can go if that's not alright, Uncle Albus." He raised his left eyebrow at me as I spoke the endearment, making myself half of a package deal as I did it. I laid out my first demand: if he wanted me, he had to take Sirius too.
"Of course, it's alright, my child," He stepped aside with a tight-lipped smile.
Sirius was the first to walk through the door, never letting go of my hand as we walked into an already crowded room.
There must have been more than 50 people standing close together, waiting for the evening's festivities to begin. I recognized Professor McGonagall and Flitwick as they stood in the corner chatting with a couple of wizards who looked so rugged they could've been dragon tamers. Knowing the Order, they probably were. There were people of all ages, witches, and wizards, Aurors and healers, I think I recognized the captain of the 1975 Chudley Cannons Championship team in the corner chatting with a stone-faced wizard who looked like he could take on a giant and win. A small group of people, who couldn't have been more than a few years out of Hogwarts, raised their hands in greeting as we entered. Sirius let out a barking laugh and I felt him pull me over to them.
As we walked, my breath caught in my throat as I caught sight of Alastor Moody by the fireplace standing stoic and alone. His leg wasn't missing, and he had 2 fully normal and operational eyes. When my eyes landed on his he met my stare with intense fervor, it made my stomach turn. The last time I'd seen him was right before Harry came to the order right before-.
"You alright?" Sirius whispered in my ear. His warm breath against my neck brought me back from the edge. I nodded slowly. He flashed me the same look he always gave me when he knew I was lying. "We can still leave."
"I'm fine."
"Just say the word, Red, we'll run away," He promised. I gave him a small smile and a nod as if to say 'I may just take you up on that offer, stand by.' His grip tightened on my hand for a second in response. We arrived at the group who recognized him and Sirius turned his attention away. "Who invited you lot?"
"We should be asking you the same question, Black," The tallest boy laughed as he reached out to shake Sirius's hand in greeting. "How've you been mate?"
"Alright," he grinned. "Heard they let you become an Auror."
"Heard right, finished my training last Christmas. Figured, I was so good at busting you and your lot might as well try it on actual criminals." They shared a loud laugh together and Sirius let go of my hand to slip his arm around my waist as he turned his attention back to me.
"Ginny, this is Frank, he was responsible for half of the 97 detentions I received during my fourth year."
"97?" I asked in shock.
"James and I challenged these two seventh years boys to a competition to see who could get the most detentions before the end of the year."
"Did you win?"
"Nah," a bitter smile flashed across his face. "They got an even 100. The bastards."
"They terrorized me the whole of my head boy year," Frank said very seriously. His face lit up into a grin as he stuck his hand out toward me. "Frank Longbottom, Ginny is it?"
My eyes widened as I shook his hand. It was so obvious now, the tall thin frame, the round face, the smile; it was Neville – only a little different. I wanted to reach out and touch him, hold his face between my hands and memorize every detail to relay to his son. I hadn't thought about Neville at all since leaving, he was my co-commander, my right hand in the battle against the death eaters at Hogwarts, and I had forgotten him. And here I was, standing next to his father, and I couldn't share it with him. There were a million questions I wanted to ask, to sear into my memory to share with Neville one day – but that would be crazy. I caught my breath and swallowed hard. "Yeah, Ginny Cole."
His eyes flashed with a quickly hidden look of confusion at my reaction as he pulled away. "I don't recognize you."
"Ginny just came to Hogwarts this year," Sirius covered for me, buying me a second to compose myself.
"Gotcha," Frank smiled kindly. "Ginny, this is my fiancé, Alice." He gestured to a short, thin, and striking woman next to him. When our eyes locked it was like I was staring into the eyes of Neville once more. She reached out to shake my hand firmly.
"Cheers," she smiled. I could barely speak from the lump that was forming in my throat. I couldn't speak from the shock and could only resort to nodding my head instead. Sirius's arm tightened around my waist as if he could sense my panic rising. "You let me know if this one gives you any trouble." She poked Sirius playfully in his arm.
"Oi, I've changed, you know," Sirius huffed as he rubbed the spot she'd just touched.
"Yeah, he hasn't snogged any Hufflepuff's in like two whole weeks," I laughed breathily, trying to recover my composure. Alice and Frank guffawed loudly at my joke and Sirius playfully pouted.
"Now you I like," Alice smiled. "You keep him in line?"
"I don't think anyone can keep Sirius Black in line," I shrugged. The group burst into another round of laughter.
We chatted with the Longbottoms for a while longer, as more witches and wizards arrived, they introduced us to a few other members of their Auror class. John Gobbles and Helena George were set to finish their Auror training next month, while Anna Smith and her husband Roger Smith were 2 years out of training and regaled us with stories of their latest heroics. The room started to fill with more bodies. Most of them I didn't recognize, a few I thought I might have seen in old order photos, maybe one or two who'd passed through Grimmauld place during the summer between my third and fourth year, but no one as strikingly familiar as Alice and Frank. The clock inched closer toward 8:00 and the room was nearly full. When the clock began to chime at 8, Professor Dumbledore held his hands up and the group quieted in anticipation of what he had to say. I slipped my hand into Sirius' as we waited for him to speak, he gave it a reassuring squeeze but this time it did little to ease my anxiety. It was going to happen.
"My friends, thank you all for coming," He began. As he spoke his strikingly blue robes glimmered in the light. I heard a few more people floo in quietly but wasn't able to see who it was in the crowd. The room was almost silent as he spoke like we all knew what he was going to say but were just waiting to hear how he would say it. "I wish I had brought you here under better circumstances.
"As you all know, the dark lord's threats are becoming more invasive and devastating every day." A few of the Aurors in attendance rumbled in the crowd, Frank let out a low grunt. "The ministry has ignored my urging to do more. I fear he may have his own moles there too so even if they would do something, we can't trust them. I've brought you all here because of your incredible abilities, your occupations, and because I trust you with my life. We must take up arms against Lord Voldemort." Several gasps could be heard from the crown as Dumbledore said his name. "I know what I am asking of you, and I know the severity of this choice. I'm asking you to put a target on your back, and a sword in your hand." His eyes flashed to meet mine as he echoed our conversation from yesterday. "I know for many of you, this is not an easy choice for you to make. But I am asking you to make it.
"The war isn't brewing, it's here. Miss. Cole-" Sirius wound his arm around my shoulders protectively as several heads turned to follow Dumbledore's line of sight toward me. It was time. Time to use my past to affect this future. I steeled my nerves and gave Sirius a nod as I stepped forward to stand by Dumbledore. "Everyone, this is my goddaughter, Ginevra Cole." He stepped to the side, successfully yielding the floor to me. I turned to face the crowd. A sea of faces stared back at me, some I recognized, and some I didn't. My stomach twisted as I breathed.
In the 26 hours since he'd revealed himself to me, I'd given a lot of thought to what I might say in front of these people that Albus Dumbledore had invited. A good pawn would do as she was told, and describe her cautionary tale with vague detail and an emphasis on the horror. A good pawn would inspire those in this room to take up arms. A good pawn would do as she was told. But in the past 26 hours, I'd found that I was not the pawn Albus Dumbledore wanted me to be. Sometime in the precious hours of early morning, as I'd sat in the common room staring into a dying fire, I'd made my choice. I wouldn't be the cautionary tale, I wouldn't be the rallying cry. I would only be what I wanted to be – what I thought these people needed.
"Hello," I said awkwardly. Professor McGonagall stood to my left and she offered me an encouraging smile. I took it as my strength and began. "Um, thank you all for coming. Uh – it's just Ginny, for the record, no one calls me Ginevra, except my mum– wretched name if I'm honest." I could hear a low chuckle come from somewhere over my left shoulder. I flashed a tight-lipped smile in the direction of the laugh. "My uncle asked me to tell you all a little bit of my story. He thinks it will convince you to fight with him. And maybe it will – but I don't think you should need my story to scare you into fighting. You should fight because if you don't you will die." There were a few muted gasps, some grumbling, and many faces of shock, but I didn't let them stop me.
"It doesn't feel like there's a war to you, does it?" No one moved or spoke, they only regarded me with curious faces. "As you sit in your comfortable homes, with your cushy ministry jobs, eating 3 square meals a day - you think that this war isn't happening to you, don't you?" I turned my gaze on a man who stood near the front of the room. When our eyes met his cheeks reddened and he looked away. "When you read the Daily Prophet and you hear about the attacks or the disappearances, you regard them solemnly and then turn the page, don't you?" My eyes flashed to a woman off to my left who bristled under my glare. "You believe that this is something that will go away, don't you?" My eyes flashed from witch to wizard but no one made a noise. "It won't. This war started a long time ago, before the disappearances in the Prophet, before the attacks in little towns you've never heard of, before you really even noticed anything was different.
"I've been fighting this war since I was 11 years old. I was fighting before I even knew what it was." A few hushed murmurs moved through the crowd as I organized my thoughts, trying to decide where to go next. I pushed my sleeve up quickly and held my hand up palm facing the crowd for everyone to see the lines there. "When I was 11 years old I was marked by Voldemort and his curse. He possessed me, forced me to do horrible things, hurt people, and then he left me with this. His followers have tortured me in every way I thought possible, and some I didn't." I shuddered remembering the beatings, crucios, and worse. The murmurs moved through the crowd and I raised my voice. "He ripped me from my family, and everyone I've ever loved. They're gone because of him. This war isn't something that's happening to other people. It's happening to you - to all of you. And if it isn't today, it will be tomorrow. So you have to fight. Fight for your children, for your grandchildren, fight for yourselves. I don't care. Whatever you need to fight for because if he wins he will destroy everything in his path. It doesn't matter who you are, an 11-year-old little girl, or Albus Dumbledore. Voldemort wants one thing – power – and he will stop at nothing to get it."
The crowd whispered amongst themselves as I finished, my cheeks red and my heart thundering in my chest. I looked up to meet Sirius' eyes and they shined with pride and something else. I started to join him in the crowd but a voice stopped me.
"And why should we believe you? He ain't threatened me!" A man near the back of the room shouted. I whipped my head toward him. He was a short and squat man, half balding, dressed in the ugly brown robes of ministry secretarial staff. I sneered at him.
"Have you pledged yourself to him?" I asked bitingly.
"'Course not!"
"Then he has threatened you. He won't stop until you've taken the mark, or you're dead. There's no in between."
"I thought he wanted blood supremacy," A quiet woman near the front said cautiously.
"All he cares about is his own supremacy. Purebloods and magical beings who are suppressed by the ministry are just the perfect army to stir up."
"Miss. Cole-" Dumbledore stepped forward to quiet me.
"He doesn't give a bloody fuck about magic folk, or blood supremacy. But wizards do, and dark creatures do, and he can rile them up-"
"Miss. Cole-" He said more firmly this time.
"He can distract them with talk of magical supremacy, and overthrowing the statute of secrecy," I yelled over Dumbledore. "All he cares about is power. And he's figured out a way to convince the most fucked up of all of us to help him get it. Their reward will be our deaths or the entertainment of our torture for their good service to the Dark Lord."
"That's enough, Ginevra." I whipped my head back to stare at Dumbledore. The tension in the room was high, and dozens of pairs of eyes stared at me in varying degrees of horror. When I met Dumbledore's eyes I knew that I'd done my job. It made me feel dirty, it made me feel used. I moved back over to Sirius and he placed a protective arm around me, flashing dangerous looks toward anyone who looked my way. Alice offered me a kind smile but I could only grimace in response. Moody moved toward Dumbledore and stood at his side.
The speeches went on for another hour, a debate broke out, a few people left, and Sirius never wavered in his arm around my shoulder. Bringing me comfort, and shielding me from the prying eyes of the room. At the end of the evening, a vote was held, and it was unanimous, we would fight against Voldemort.
I stood off to the side of the room, Sirius a short distance away as he chatted amiably with Frank about Quidditch. I couldn't muster the enthusiasm to participate. The nauseous feeling hadn't left my stomach since I'd returned to Sirius' side. My speech was effective, just as Dumbledore knew it would be. Despite thinking that I had found a way around his meddling – his manipulation – I'd played into his hand just as he always expected me to. It left me feeling sick, and angry. Lost in thought, I hadn't heard someone move into the empty space of the wall next to me until they cleared their throat in greeting.
"Cole," a deep voice grunted, startling me out of my head as I turned to find Moody standing next to me. "Alastor Moody, damn good speech."
"Thank you," I replied breathlessly. Up close he looked like a nearly different man than the one who I'd known. If it weren't for the name I might have considered them completely different people. The man next to me was missing about a dozen scars, and his once crooked nose hung straight. He had two working eyes, and the same number of fully there legs, but the furrow of his brow was the same. As he surveyed the room out of years of habit, I found the man I'd one day know in the one who was next to me – the one who would die at the hands of Voldemort himself.
"Dumbledore's told me all about you. Hell of a long distance to travel for a book." He gave me a look of knowing, and a wave of relief washed over me. He knew. His eyes darkened for a moment before returning to their careful assessment of the room around us. "Glad to have you on our side."
"Glad to be here." My voice was weak and hollow as it came out, Moody flashed me a sideways glance before turning back toward the room.
"Wish you weren't, you're what? 16?"
"17."
"That's almost worse." He reached into the hip pocket of the large black cloak he wore to pull out a flask. He took a long drink from it and then eyed me warily. He held out the flask toward me. "War's hell."
"Hell is hell," I shrugged and took it from his hands. I took a quick swig from the flask, grimacing as the familiar burn of fire whiskey greeted my tongue.
He reached for the flask and returned it to his cloak pocket. I noticed that he placed the wall always at his back, a battle tactic he'd taught me once upon a time – or he didn't teach me but I thought it was him. "Wise words for someone so young."
"Your words." He met my eyes for a brief second before looking back to the room. A comfortable silence settled between us as we watched the conversations in front of us. Sirius, Alice, and Frank were laughing together, while Dumbledore had a gathering of ministry employees around him, Professor McGonagall was chatting with several young wizards – former students – and the room slowly started to empty as people began to floo home.
"Interesting choice in dates," Moody said finally. "The Black heir?"
"Not the heir anymore."
"Still a Black, do you know what they are?"
"Yeah."
"And you trust him?"
"Yes," I said with conviction.
Moody heaved a sigh as he studied Dumbledore from across the room. "He's an interesting man, Dumbledore. Don't you think?" I grunted a yes in response. "Sometimes I think he should have been in Slytherin. He's always five steps ahead of us, planning for the next move, surrounding himself with smart and powerful people. A bit like the Dark Lord don't you think?"
I didn't respond, choosing instead to meet the blue eyes of the Auror next to me with a raised eyebrow instead.
"That's why he fears him so much. Dumbledore knows his next move, almost before he's even made it. It makes him a fearsome adversary. We're lucky he's on our side." I paled as I mulled over his words, eyeing the headmaster from across the room. Moody had a point. Dumbledore was a master in planning, he'd had a plan for me before I was even born. "I'd be careful when it comes to the Black boy."
"Why?"
"Painting a target on your back by being with him, as if you need another," he stared at me stone-faced. I wanted to shrink under his gaze, but instead, I pushed my chin out proudly, refusing to bow down under his words – no matter how true they were.
"Constant vigilance," I replied. "They'll never be able to see the target if I don't turn my back."
A wicked smirk crossed his face as he appraised me. "Well alright then, Cricket." My heart swelled with pride at his praise. Moody was always kind to me, even when he was shutting me out of meetings and refusing to let me participate in rescues. He was always testing me, teaching me to duel, teaching me battle tactics, quizzing me on antidotes and healing spells. He always said it was for Auror training, even when I told him I didn't want to be an Auror. Was it really for this? His eyes flashed over to something behind my head, and he started to move away.
"Professor," I said instinctively. He whipped his head to look at me, a curious glint in his eye. "Sorry, I meant Auror."
He rolled his eyes and cocked his brow in response, making me fully aware that my slip of the tongue hadn't gone unnoticed.
"There's a meeting on Christmas Eve, I don't know where, but I think it's an induction of sorts."
"Who told you that?"
"Someone who's attending the meeting."
"Good work, Cole." We shared a knowing look and he moved quickly across the room toward Dumbledore. He whispered the news in his ear and they quickly disappeared toward a private room of the office.
"That was Alastor Moody, you were talking to," Sirius replaced the Auror as soon as he was gone. "Do you have any idea how incredible that is?" I turned to see his eyes shining and him bouncing on his toes excitedly.
"Is it?" I asked. I wondered what they were discussing, they'd want more information but I wasn't going to give it. Snape had asked me to save him, and I'd tried, but something told me he'd be of better use with the mark. My stomach turned. Not of use, he's a person, don't think like that. The voice in my head echoed. But I couldn't help it. This was a war; we were all pawns in this battle. Some of us controlled by Dumbledore, and others by Voldemort himself. I just had to bide my time until we could get Severus to switch sides. I had to give him a reason first.
"You don't seem excited," He laughed.
"Been a long night."
His excitement turned to empathy instantly, and even an ounce of shame as he looked down at me. "Let's go back." He reached for my hand and started to pull me toward the exit. We left the buzz of the office behind us as the door shut, and the silence was a welcome reprieve. I was exhausted and numb.
We were halfway to the common room when I stopped. "Sirius?"
"Hmm?"
"Would you want to know something that was only going to hurt you?" He leaned back against the stone wall and thought over his answer for a minute. His fingers stayed laced with mine as he pulled me closer, settling me in front of him with his hands resting gently on my hips.
"I think so."
"All right." I took a deep breath to steady myself as I chose my next words carefully. Honesty without tact is cruelty my mother's words rang loudly in my head. I wanted to shout that sometimes no matter how much tact there is honesty is sometimes the cruelest form of communication. Sirius needed to know this, and there was no way to say it without hurting him. "I wasn't keeping this a secret from you, alright?"
"Alright." His fingers tapped gently on my left hip as if waiting for a crushing blow.
"I'm not even positive it's true, just a theory – a pretty good theory."
"Red," He looked down at me. "Say what you want to say, I won't be mad at you."
"You say that now," I laughed shakily.
"Ginny," His whispered words made me look up at him. His stormy grey-blue eyes waited expectantly, warning me that he was ready – that he could handle it. I took a deep breath.
"Do you remember when I met Lucius Malfoy in Hogsmeade?" He nodded darkly. "He was there to meet Snape and your brother." I took a deep breath. "They were talking about a meeting. It's on Christmas Eve." Another breath for strength, "That's when he's taking the mark."
I waited expectantly for him to blow up, rage, cry, to react in any way, but he didn't. I felt like a weight lifted off my chest as he leaned down to place a hard kiss on my mouth. With his lips, I felt the searing relief of tension leaving my body. My jaw unclenched, my shoulders loosened, and the knot that had settled in my stomach yesterday during tea unwound itself as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He was the one who pulled away.
"I know," he said after a minute. He tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear while he chewed the inside of his lip thoughtfully. "Malfoy invited me too." I paled at his confession and the tension wound its way back into my body.
"What?"
"Sent me a letter welcoming me back into the fold last week. All I had to do was pledge myself to his Dark Lord and get rid of my – well he called you something I think even my mother would blush at." He continued stroking my cheek reverently with his thumb as my mind wrapped itself around the confession.
"Sirius you-" He shut me up with his mouth, tightly pulling me into his chest and distracting me from my panic. There was no room for protests as he moved his tongue against mine, claiming my mouth and my thoughts. The warmth pulled in my stomach, its heat easing the tension his confession brought on. Part of me wanted to pull away and talk about it, but the weaker part of me just gave in to his kiss. Gave in to his warmth. He kissed me breathless, kissed himself breathless, and in the end, it was me who had to break apart. We rested our foreheads together, panting in the torchlight of the late evening.
"I'm never going back there, Ginny." He may have said my name, but he wasn't talking to me, no these were words he spoke to himself – a promise of freedom. Freedom to choose, freedom to be, freedom his family could never offer. He vowed it into the darkness, to himself, and to me. "No matter what they offer, I will never be their heir. Their puppet. They can die for all I care. I'm never going back."
I nodded slowly, enjoying the warmth of his breath on my face, breathing in his scent. It comforted me, it lit a fire in me. "I'm going to fight him, Sirius," I whispered. "Promise me something?"
"Anything."
"You'll never stop me from fighting."
"You wouldn't if I tried," He chuckled and I felt the deep rumblings of it across my chest.
"You're right. But promise me you won't ask." He opened his eyes to see me staring expectantly. This was important to me. I carried the guilt of my betrayal to Harry, I couldn't carry the guilt if I had to betray Sirius too.
"I promise."
December 16, 1977
The carriage was overfull as we pulled into the station. Mary had somehow ended up squished in between Peter and the window, much to her chagrin, and was fending off his prying questions about her holiday plans. Remus and Lily, who sat on James' lap, were discussing their holiday study schedule. Marlene, Sirius, and Dorcas were debating the musical stylings of some muggle artist called Queen while I stared anxiously out the window.
This would be my first Christmas away from home that wasn't spent at Hogwarts. The first time I wouldn't receive a Molly Weasley jumper. I wondered if I could track down a Celestina Warbeck album, it would be strange to see Christmas come and go without listening to her album. The day before Christmas Eve was baking day for my mum and me, we'd spend hours baking hundreds of biscuits of all shapes and fillings. Then we'd package them up in tins and spend most of Christmas Eve delivering them to her friends and dad's work colleagues. Usually, the memory of all seven Weasley's bundled up with Christmas hats singing from door to door while delivering them made me cringe, today it made me ache. We hadn't been able to deliver the cookies with song in years, but I'd never get to do it again.
"No, I don't believe I'll be kissing any special boys for the New Year," Mary rolled her eyes as she leaned away from Peter for the third time.
"If you finish the Potions essay, let me know, I have a question about-" Lily started but was drowned out by Sirius shouting.
"You're absolutely mad! Somebody to Love is the worst song on-"
"We'll all be at the Potter's for New Year, you should come!" Peter said eagerly.
"Sirius, you're just wrong. It's the best song in their discography." Dorcas yelled back as she stood to grab her bag from the overhead rack.
"It's all in the method of brewing if you use a-" Remus explained.
"Everything okay?" James leaned over to me. I turned to face him and felt the loud cacophony of our friends quiet a bit.
"Thinking about home," I shrugged. James visibly stilled as I said it.
"It's your first Christmas-"
"Alone, yeah." I turned to look back out the window as the excited families came into view. Without meaning to, I searched the crowd for the sea of ginger hair. My stomach sank when I noticed that it wasn't there.
"You're not alone," He squeezed my arm. "We're going to make it great." It wasn't really the fact that I believed him, but it was his unyielding confidence that made me smile and nod. I was certain it would be awful, but at least I wouldn't be alone.
The commotion of everyone standing up to exit onto the platform began, as well as the hurried goodbyes.
"I'll be with my dad the first two weeks, and my mum the second. Write me if you need anything," Mary pushed a small piece of parchment into my hands with the addresses on them as she pulled me into a tight hug. Marlene was right behind her, taking me into her arms next.
"You have to tell me everything that happens," she muttered in my ear suggestively.
"You know I don't kiss and tell," I laughed at her.
"I wasn't talking about kissing, Gin." Her eyebrow rose as she pulled away.
"Leave her be, Marley," Dorcas pushed her away and hugged me next.
"Bye Dor," I hid my blush in her bouncy blonde hair as we hugged.
"Happy Christmas, babes." She pulled away and slung her bag over her shoulder as she pulled Sirius into a tight hug. "You take care of our girl, Sirius, no funny business."
He winked at me from over the top of her head and broke into a wolfish grin. "My parents were good at one thing: naming. So I'll be true to my name Meadowes, serious!"
"You're an absolute riot, Black," She deadpanned as she pulled away.
We all trickled out onto the platform. Mary rushed over to the exit into King's Cross, her muggle dad was waiting on platform 10 to take her home, while Dorcas reunited with her mum quickly before rushing to the floo. Peter was met by a short squat woman with mousey brown hair who fussed over him and kissed him repeatedly, leaving a trail of pink lipstick along his cheek. He threw a wave at the rest of us as they apparated away. All that was left was Lily, Remus, James, Sirius, and I.
"I'll be there on Christmas," Remus smiled at us.
"See you soon, Remus." I pulled him into a tight hug. He was spending the first week of the break with his parents and then would be at the Potter's for the remainder.
"He's going to his parent's house, not off to war, Red," Sirius joked as we pulled away. I noted that he pulled Remus into a tight embrace next.
The platform wasn't like it used to be, in fact, it reminded me of the station of my sixth year. No one was lingering, parents looked over their shoulders as they greeted their students, and there was a general air of caution amongst everyone. The war was hanging heavy in the air.
James and Lily had stepped away, wrapped up in each other's arms as they whispered their goodbyes through fast kisses. I turned to face Sirius as Remus headed for the floo.
"Let's give them a minute," He winked as he grabbed my hand and started pulling me away. "Effie!"
An older woman turned to face us. She was tall and thin, with dark hair streaked with grey that fell down her back in pin-straight precision. As she saw Sirius approaching her face lit up into a warm smile. I sensed some tension leaving her as she opened her arms to greet him.
"Sirius!" She pulled him into a tight hug. He was taller than her by several inches, but he looked like a small boy as she fussed over him. She took time to smooth his hair, and pat his cheeks.
"You look thin, are you eating?"
"Of course," he rolled his eyes.
"And you're sleeping too, right?"
"Every night."
"Well it doesn't look like it," She pulled him into another tight hug. It reminded me of my mum and it felt like a knife was twisting in my gut.
"Stop it!" He was blushing in a way that I'd never seen him blush before. He was embarrassed, but also I could tell that he loved her fussing. I'm sure it was the only person to ever fuss over him like that. He turned to look at me and gave me an apologetic smile. "You're gonna make Ginny think I'm a wanker."
"Language, Sirius Black!" She chastised with a smile and sharp pat on the cheek. She turned her attention to me and I felt that familiar warmth that a mother's gaze brought on. "You must be Ginny Cole."
"Yes, nice to meet you, Mrs. Potter," I introduced myself. I held my hand out for her to shake and she pushed it out of the way and pulled me into a tight hug. For a second I felt like Molly Weasley had her arms around me. The shape was different, and the smell, but the sentiment was there. It was over far too quickly.
"Euphemia, please. Sirius told us so much about you."
"Merlin, Effie, don't tell her that." The back of his neck was bright red.
"I'm talking about you, not to you Sirius," she replied in a sing-song voice. Sirius barked out a laugh and quit protesting. "We're so happy to have you."
She gave me a sad, knowing smile and leaned in to speak so low that only I could hear. "The first Christmas without them is the hardest. You can lean on me, my love. It's the code of good mums everywhere, always there with a hug and an ear." I felt a warmth spread through me at her words and a wave of emotion overcome me. It was like the universe sent me what I needed.
Euphemia Potter was like Molly Weasley in so many ways, but the most important was that she took in strays and loved them the way they needed it. For Sirius, she was the parental figure he needed, firm and loving, and encouraging. I didn't need that. All I needed was someone to talk to, and she sensed it the minute she saw me. There was a different kind of magic in women like this. I wondered if it came from motherhood.
"Now where is my other child?" She looked around for James.
"Probably snogging Lily Evans," Sirius snickered under his breath. Euphemia gave him a sharp look. Her eyes continued searching the crowd until they finally found James making his way over to us.
"Mum!" He called as he ran over to embrace her. It was the same routine with James, too skinny, too tired, took too long, but James was too happy to see her to care.
"Let's go. We'll floo, Ginny it's Potter Manor," She smiled brightly as she lead the way. The platform was nearly empty and she glanced over her shoulder quickly to check her surroundings. I noticed the tense arm that reached into her pocket, no doubt clutching her wand just in case. I saw the nervous twitch in her eye as she ushered everyone into the fireplace one by one without turning her back to the platform. And finally, I noticed all of it melt away as she stepped through the fireplace into her home a few moments later – relieved that we all made it in one piece.
"Now, who's hungry?"
December 20, 1977
The snowballs were whizzing past me as I made a dive behind the bushes that littered the Potter's backyard. Between the chill in my cheeks, the adrenaline of the fight, and the fact that Sirius and James had decided to team up against me; I was nearly spent. I reached for the cash of snowballs I'd hidden here earlier in the fight and waited for a lull in the action to make my next move.
"Come out, Cole!" James shouted from somewhere to my left. "We've got you surrounded."
"Surrender or face the consequences!" Sirius joined him in the taunting. I rolled my eyes.
"Aren't you supposed to be on my side, Black?" I yelled.
"I tried to ally myself with you, but you betrayed me. You cold-hearted beast!" He shouted back in the most dramatic voice he could muster. I laughed at his antics, taking the time to add more weapons to my arsenal. Sirius had offered me an alliance earlier, but then a charmed snowball of mine hit him in the face on accident. He didn't believe my apology…which was fair.
"So what do you say boys, next hit wins?" I called to them, raising my wand discreetly as I peeked over the hedge. Sirius was over to the right crouched behind the brick wall that surrounded the patio. James was opposite him tucked behind the trunk of a tree. It was almost too perfect.
"You think you can beat us?" James yelled again. "Can you believe that Pads?"
"Don't underestimate her Prongs!"
"Sirius," I taunted. "Join me and save yourself."
"Never!" He shouted as he dove out from the garden wall and ran towards me. James moved at the same time, and it was like taking candy from a baby. With a flick of my wand, all six of the snowballs that laid next to me were in the air and headed for their intended targets. Two hit James squarely in the chest and he went down into the snow clutching at his heart like he'd been shot with a stinging hex.
"Avenge me, Padfoot!" He yelled.
Sirius dodged the three snowballs that were headed toward him one by one and continued in his charge toward me. I stood as he neared me, rearing my arm back to send the remaining snowball toward him. As it left my hand, Sirius ducked low and grabbed me around the waist pushing me backward onto the ground. I let out a loud scream of laughter as we fell toward the ice and Sirius braced himself so that his full weight wasn't on me when we hit the ground. We landed with a loud "oomph." He brought his hand upward and leaned his head up to the sky as he shouted "FOR PRONGS!"
In his moment of vulnerability, I reached for some snow and sent a handful towards his head. It landed perfectly in his hair, dripping down his shoulders, and silencing his avenging cry. "Take that!"
"LUNCH IS ON THE TABLE!" Came the cry of Mrs. Potter from the back door as Sirius gazed at me in shock.
"You beat me?" he asked, sounding like a child. I squirmed a little from where I lay pinned to the ground.
"You teamed up against me!" I replied with a smirk. His eyes darkened as he looked down at me again, the shock fading to something far different.
"Well remind me never to do it again." He leaned down and captured my lips in a searing kiss. The warm molten feeling surged through my stomach and out into my limbs as I reached up to deepen it.
"OI!" James shouted. I jumped at the noise and tried to turn my head to face the aggressor but found that Sirius had me locked in his arms. He continued to kiss me, deepening it further with his tongue and reminding me just how good of a kisser he was. "Hello?"
"Busy," Sirius mumbled against my lips briefly before recapturing them again and burning me further. His hands rested firmly on my neck and waist, the gloved fingers applying the perfect amount of pressure to keep me where he wanted me and to drive me wild. He sucked my bottom lip in between his teeth expertly as I brought my fingers to knot in his hair.
"Get a room!" James shouted again.
Sirius released me from the onslaught of his lips and turned to face his best mate. "Can we borrow yours?" another snowball went hurling at his head and Sirius turned so that it would hit the back of it and spare me.
"Inside, now!" James berated us and I felt the weight of Sirius shifting upward to stand. I grabbed the outstretched hand that he offered and joined him standing with a bright blush. "You know, Ginny, I always thought better of you."
"Well you thought wrong, Potter," I winked and turned to pull Sirius toward the warm lunch that waited for us inside.
"Bloody perfect for each other," he muttered under his breath as I heard the crunching of snow under his boots as he joined me.
My days at the Potter's had been nearly perfect thus far. We'd spent them engaged in games of quidditch, wizard's chess, exploding snap, and snowball fights. In the evenings we all curled up by the fire sipping tea and hot chocolate with Mr. and Mrs. Potter reading, chatting, and debating the best quidditch teams. It was nearly perfect, nearly enough to cover up the quaffel-sized hole that had found a home in my chest as we neared Christmas. The noise nearly drowned out the sounds of grief in my head. And the boys were so perfectly kind and patient, never prodding me to talk about it and listening attentively every time I let a detail about my family slip in passing. Yes, it was nearly perfect. Nearly.
It was in the quiet hours of evening that the perfect façade was broken. As the house went to sleep, I laid awake in the stylishly decorated guest room thinking about the shabby room at the Burrow that wasn't mine yet. I missed the sounds of the ghoul in the attic, the cacophony of snores that my brothers brought with them every time they came home, and the fleeting smells of a Molly Weasley dinner eaten and cleared away. I ached to feel packed into the tiny rooms again, surrounded by Weasley's and Weasley-adjacents, laughing, eating, and bickering with everyone. I wished for it again, knowing it couldn't be.
I stared up at the white ceiling trying on the Christmas of my present. I cloaked myself in the quiet peace of the Potter household. I modeled in the mirror the silent nights and thoughtful discussions at dinner. I experimented with the feeling of having enough space to breathe, to think, to grieve. I explored it thoroughly finding that while it fit – while it was the polished and tranquil holiday that some people adored – I missed the threadbare, over crowded, Christmas of the future… of my past.
It was in the silence of the night when the thoughts wouldn't quiet, and the peace never quite came, that I found myself trudging down the stairs and toward the kitchen for a cup of tea. As I moved quietly through the hallway, the silence was broken by the sound of low voices in the kitchen.
"Alastor wasn't kidding when he said the numbers are growing," came the low voice of Fleamont Potter. I stilled and pressed myself to the side of the hall as I listened. What numbers? "There were only 3 reported attacks last month, but after what I saw – I'd guess it was closer to 10. And the number dead? Well, I'd guess 30 or more."
"We just need more people on our side. If we can just get to-" the quiet whisper of Euphemia asked him.
"Get to them before he does?" Fleamont let out a low chuckle that held no humor. "If he threatened to kill James, tortured Sirius in front of us, wouldn't you take the mark to protect them?"
"Monty-"
"I would. There is nothing I wouldn't do to protect my family. I will go to the ends of the earth to fight against that horrible monster, but at the end of the day, I would do what I had to, to protect you all. And so would his people."
"His people are just-"
"They're not just bigots, Effie. They're people like us who are scared to stand against him. I'm scared to stand against him. But we have the profound privilege of being able to stand against him. If we didn't have the safety of our friendships with people like Albus, and Alastor, the safety of our wealth that protects us, the protection of our magic, would we be able to fight at all?"
"You've made your point, Monty."
"It's getting worse, my love." He sounded old and tired. "We need to talk to them."
"They're too young-"
"They're adults. James and Sirius are adults, and Ginny-" I tensed under the sound of my name, "she's all too aware of what's waiting for them out there."
"She's just as much a child-"
"Effie," he sighed. "She's faced them head-on. Fought them herself from what Alastor told me."
"That doesn't mean we should-"
"I'm not keeping them in the dark anymore, Effie. They're old enough. All of them. I don't want them to have to hear it - I want to keep them innocent too – but it's past that." There was a final sort of pause between them like a decision had been made that neither was thrilled with. "They're planning something on Christmas Eve, some sort of meeting. Albus wants to send someone in – someone who might be welcomed into the fold with open arms."
"Absolutely not, Fleamont. It's not happening."
"He's going to ask Sirius-"
"He's still in school. He can't-"
"He can say no."
"He won't." She was crying now, quiet anguished sobs that spoke of a mother's pains and fears over a son who wasn't hers. A son to whom she held no blood relation. But a son she loved nonetheless. A son she worried over in spite of the people who birthed him. A son who was just as much hers as he wasn't.
Fleamont heaved a sigh of his own and despite not being able to see them I knew he was bringing a heavy hand across his face, wiping away the tears that threatened to fall from the corners of his eyes. "He won't."
I turned away from the kitchen, carefully slipping back up the stairs and into my room – far away from the reality that greeted me like a punch in the gut. Just this afternoon we were children, fighting in the snow, snogging until we were breathless, and now Dumbledore was sending Sirius into the belly of the beast where no one could protect him. And the possibility existed that maybe Sirius could say no, maybe he could stay away, but I knew deep within me that the Potter's were right. If Dumbledore asked, Sirius would never say no – and I couldn't ask him to. How could I? I'd done the very same thing.