I do not own RWBY.

Chapter 6: Schrodinger's Jaune

Ruby automatically reacted the moment Jaune slumped forward and quickly grabbed the massive feather, pulling it out with a sickening noise. Blood was already pooling around him, staining the front of him red with his own life fluids. Yang started to speak up, ready to tell Ruby to leave him alone, but Jaune's oh-so-recent resurrection had her at a loss for words, and she was already beginning to think this was some sort of strange fever dream or a nervous nightmare due to pre-Inititaion jitters. People just didn't get back up like that. It was impossible.

"Alright, everyone, turn around again!" Ruby exclaimed a little too happily, throwing the bloody feather off to the side.

They all did as she asked, and no sooner had they taken their eyes off of Jaune, (coincidentally making them look back to the circling Nevermore) a voice spoke up once more. "Son of a bitch, this is the third Dust damned time today!" Yang slowly turned around once more to see Jaune getting to his feet, his body unmarred by any injuries, and only the bloodstains on his chest and back being the only indication that he had been injured in any way. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and began to mutter angrily under his breath.

"I can't even fail right! All I wanted to do was to fail this test. Is that so hard? But nooooo, I had to get impaled to a fucking tree," Yang happened to notice that Pyrrha's normally unflappable attitude suddenly shifted upon hearing that to a very embarrassed blush, "Then I get impaled twice by the same god damned Grimm, everyone finds out my secret, and on top of all of that, my hoodie is ruined! ARGH!"

There was a loud screech from above and the Nevermore made another pass, but this time, Jaune was actually prepared. As the feathers launched down, Jaune actually flipped out of the way in a surprisingly display of agility and dexterity. "Holy Monty Oum..." Yang murmured, "Being dead doesn't stop you for even a moment!"

"I've learned to deal with it." Jaune muttered. "Anyone have an idea of how to take that damned thing down?"

"I can try shooting it, but I'm running out of ammo..." Ruby replied, her cheeks going pink in embarrassment. "Crescent says that we should try luring it down."

Jaune groaned. "Oh, sure, that'll work. Let me just use my Nevermore call. IIIIIIII'M A DUMBASS! SQUAWK!"

Nora gave a giggle and even Pyrrha couldn't help but laugh, though Weiss did not share their amusement. "Sarcasm isn't helping us!" She snapped.

"Didn't I break you?" Jaune muttered, unsheathing Crocea Mors.

"S-s-shut up!" Weiss yelled, stomping her foot angrily.

"All this arguing is not helping!" Blake answered back just as angrily.

Jaune twitched as the Nevermore screeched again loudly and swung his sword into the air, giving a strangled growl. "I could have been in Vale by now, ready for my new job, but nooooo! I had to be forced to go to Beacon! I had to be forced to take a stupid airship, and deal with vomiting, and stupid Nevermores, and angry heiresses, and delusional champions and you know whose fault this is? IT'S YOURS MOM! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

[Outskirts of Vrytal – Arc Residence]

"At-choo!" A violet haired woman sneezed hard, turning her head away from the green peppers she'd been chopping. She paused and gave a small, amused smile before going back to her chopping, humming tunelessly. As she continued chopping, a pair of extremely massive arms curled around her from behind and she felt herself being pulled into a tight hug. "Alexander," The violet haired woman replied in an amused tone, "Stop trying to tempt me." She turned her head up and to the side, giving a blond haired man with a ponytail a quick kiss.

"I'm not!" The mountain of a man with arms thick tree trunks and as wide as an Ursa's replied. "I'm just showering my lovely, beautiful wife with affection."

"Alexander, dear, you know that whenever you're giving me affection, I can't resist you." The violet haired woman proceeded to reach up and around, grabbing the bigger man's face and bringing him down for a searing kiss. "Now unless you're planning on adding a new child to our family, let me finish up dinner." With that, the woman reached around and gave the man's rear a squeeze and a firm slap.

"You are incorrigible, Violetta, darling." Alexander couldn't help but smile widely, but took a step back. "So, by this point, our Jaune is finally in Beacon."

"I do hope so. You know how he didn't want to go originally, but I think it'll be good for him. He'll finally meet some children his age and maybe break out of that shell of his. I swear, that son of mine is the embodiment of Grumpy Cat." Violetta sighed and continued to chop up the vegetables before her, taking her time as if the act itself were a meditation.

"Honey, I love you more than words can describe, but don't you think it's because you put him through that training that he's so... er... grumpy?" Alexander replied, scratching the back of his head nervously.

"Darling, I just wanted him to be safe! You understand that, don't you? Our baby boy is going out into that big world, and I want to make sure nothing can hurt him." Violetta answered.

"Violetta, he's immortal, in case you forgot. Literally nothing CAN hurt him. Trust me, you've put him through every imaginable death under the sun. If he's not gone yet, there isn't a Grimm, Human or Faunus who can put him down." Alexander sighed and shook his head.

"Yes, and because of me, now we know that." Violetta paused in her cooking as a buzzing noise sounded. "Oh, a Scroll call." She reached into the pocket of her homely apron and pulled out her scroll, a matte black one, and opened it. "Oh, it's Athena! I wonder how she's doing."

"Knowing her? Great. Her daughter's won the Mistral Tournament four times already."

Violetta hit the button to respond to the call, and a very demure, soft voice answered. "Violetta? Is that you?"

"Athena, darling! It's been too long!"

"I know, I'm very sorry about that. I've just recently had some free time, what with my daughter joining Beacon."

"Oh, Pyrrha? How is she? I remember her when she was up to my knee!" Violetta giggled happily.

"Oh, she's doing wonderfully! Between winning the Mistral Tournament for the fourth time and dealing with all sorts of interviews and talk shows, Pyrrha has become so famous!"

"That's wonderful Athena! Actually, our youngest just joined Beacon as well!"

"Everyone, on your left!" Jaune shouted, flipping out of the way of another wave of feathers. "We need to run for the ruins! If we can stay out of it's firing range, it'll have to come down to us!"

Yang grinned, giving him a thumbs up. "Great idea! When it gets down here, we'll be more than ready for it!"

The entire group quickly rushed as fast at they could down to the ruins, dodging feather after feather. Every so often, anyone with a ranged weapon would turn around and fire upon the bird, but their shots did as much as throwing pebbles at it. After a long while, the eight figures found themselves amidst the crumbling ruins, the pillars and walkways giving sufficient cover to avoid the repeated aerial bombardments.

"Alright, we'll hunker down here until the damn thing decides to come back down out of the stratosphere." Jaune continued, staring up into the sky alongside everyone else, their attention focused on the circling Nevermore. "Anyone else got a plan once the thing comes down?"

Ruby snapped her fingers. "I think I got something! If we can take out its wings once it gets low enough, we can defeat it easy!"

"Oh, great idea!" Weiss sarcastically replied. "Take out it's wings, so easy!"

"No. Not the wings." Jaune started quietly, grinning widely. "Take out its-" There was a loud snap of something and a gurgling noise and everyone turned to Jaune… only to see a massive, black, masked scorpion Grimm and Jaune's headless body falling to the ground. Yang twitched, eyes widening and everyone slowly began to step back.

"Crap! Jaune! Not again! Oh god, I hope decapitation is one of those things he can survive! Oh no," Ruby cried out, "What if he's like a zombie!?"

"Ruby, we have bigger issues!" Yang yelled out.

"But I don't want Jaune to die permanently!" Ruby cried out, even as the Deathstalker slowly crawled towards them.

"We'll all die soon if we don't do something!" Yang shouted back.

"Alright, everyone, split up! Some of us take on the Deathstalker, others keep the Nevermore busy!" Ruby cried out.

Everyone nodded, and the eight split ways, Pyrrha, Ren, and Nora rushing off out of the ruins, the Deathstalker following closely behind them, snipping its giant pincers and screeching loudly, while Ruby, Yang, Weiss, and Blake all took off deeper into the ruins, weaving back and forth in mid run as the avian Grimm attempted to kill them off once more.

And with all the observers having taken their attention off of the corpse of Jaune Arc, the universe shifted, superposition collapsed, and Jaune Arc turned from dead to alive, sitting up where he had been left, shaking his newly regrown head. "Ow."

"Oh, little Jaune? I remember him, he was such a little sweetheart. How is he?"

"Oh, wonderful. He is a little on the grumpy side though. He's so antisocial and never spends time with anyone, preferring to spend all day in the kitchen. Even his sisters have to drag him out of his room to actually do anything with them."

"Does he not get along with them?"

"Oh, no not at all! They all love him dearly, some more than others, but they've all been very close."

"I do hope he gets along with Pyrrha. I'm sure she could use a good friend, and from what I remember of little Jaune, he was always such a nice boy."

"Oh, he still is, just a little grumpy at times. Deep down though, he still has a good heart."

Jaune jumped to his feet and looked around, feeling slightly disoriented. On one side, he could see Pyrrha blocking a swipe from a massive scorpion Grimm while Ren and Nora opened fire on it, and on the other side, Ruby and Yang were firing at the Nevermore from cover, trying to lure it down to Weiss and Blake who were preparing to attack it once it came into range.

Crap, another Grimm?! How the hell can we get out of this one! Well, you know, but it's bad enough that everyone here knows about your immortality, the last thing you need is for everyone to know of your previous training as well! They'll tell Ozpin, and then Ozpin will do whatever he can to keep you here, and then you can kiss your dreams and aspirations goodbye!

The sounds of battle jolted him out of his reverie, and he looked around again, frowning. He could help one of the teams, but he wasn't sure who needed it more. Pyrrha, Nora and Ren seemed to be doing well against the Deathstalker, but the Nevermore was still refusing to come out of the sky. With his options limited, Jaune tried to contemplate the situation.

I could just run away. I mean, they've got this right? There would be no point in me interfering, right? I fail, Ozpin kicks me out, and done is done! However, he found his feet refused to budge, as though he didn't want to run away, knowing how cowardly an action that would be. "Oh come on," Jaune whispered to himself, "I can't be serious about wanting to stay-" SPLORTCH

Jaune's eyes somehow both narrowed and widened at the same time in a look of intense frustration and rage as another massive feather plunged through him, having missed its target of Ruby and company, overshooting them and managing to impale Jaune once more. He fell forward, letting the feather pierce completely through him, and as his consciousness faded, he swore he could hear Ruby shouting in the distance, "Sorry!"

"Well, I think Pyrrha would be good for him. Jaune sounds like he just needs a good friend to open up to, and Pyrrha is so kind. I'm sure she'll get along with him famously, pun not intended." Athena gave a giggle over the line.

"Oh, I'm sure he will. I'm just hoping he does well at Beacon. I don't want him just up and leaving. It would be such a waste of his talent if he didn't become a Hunter, and Beacon is the best place for him to learn about such things, as well as meet others. His sisters graduated from Beacon, Alexander and I graduated from Beacon, so I think he should as well." Violetta continued as she worked further on the dinner she'd been preparing.

"Are you sure? It doesn't seem like that's a nice thing to do. Shouldn't you let him grow naturally? We can always use more Hunters, but forcing someone to become one just seems unnecessarily cruel."

"With his skill set, Athena, him not becoming a Hunter would be a shame! Trust me Athena, if you ever actually saw him fight and take things seriously, you'd be very surprised..."

Superposition collapsed again, and Jaune found himself becoming conscious, getting to his feet with a very irritable growl. "For fuck's sake, that's the fifth time today!" He had made up his mind. That damned overgrown turkey has to die! Jaune rushed forward, blade at the ready, eager and willing to cause massive pain to the Nevermore for his repeated deaths.

A voice then called out from behind him, "Jaune, look out!" Before he could answer, there was a squelch, and more agony blossomed in his chest. Slowly, he looked down to see the golden stinger of the Deathstalker emerging through his chest.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"Well, I understand he's skilled, but he can't be that skilled that not having him would mean the difference between victory and defeat for Remnant as a whole, Violetta."

"Athena, I trained him myself. Trust me, Jaune is above and beyond anyone his age. I'd even put a large wager on him being able to stand up to the elder Schnee girl in combat."

"Wait, you...you trained him yourself?! Violetta, no offense, but you never knew how to hold back in Beacon, I can only imagine how training with you would go! Only Alexander could ever possibly survive sparring with you!"

Violetta simply laughed, her voice crystal clear. "Oh, Athena darling, no one else would, but Jaune is... special. We found out at a very young age that Jaune had a... unique ability that has allowed him to survive fighting against even his own mother."

When the universe shifted once more, and Jaune's consciousness returned, he found himself upside down in a tree, the sounds of battle and chaos echoing loudly through the forest. He groaned and slowly slid out of the tree, hitting the ground. Luckily, when he had been moved, or tossed, Crocea Mors had landed at the foot of the tree, and he quickly rearmed himself, before rushing back out. By this point, his mind was in a juxtaposition of psychotic, white-hot rage and cold, calculating fury, his mind somehow both making a plan to slaughter both of the Grimm, while at the same time, going about it entirely in Angrish, like the world's most austere berserker.

Ruby, meanwhile, was busy trying to force the Nevermore down, and a couple of times it looked like it had come close, but before they could hit it, it'd swoop back up, almost as if taunting them. She fired another sniper shot into its chest, and the creature actually shifted violently in the air, almost tumbling downward, but it managed to right itself before they could take advantage of it.

"Oh come on!" Ruby cried out in frustration.

"This isn't working! It's just taking its time! When are Grimm this smart?!" Yang yelled, firing a pair of shells that barely missed the massive feathery monster.

"We need to figure something out quickly, we're running out of ammo and I'm not sure how the other three are doing!" Blake yelled out. She was growing more and more frustrated by the minute, both from the inability to take out the damnable bird, as well as her own lack of self pleasure.

"If only it came down just a little closer, I could hit it with an ice glyph!" Weiss lamented, stomping her foot. "Ruby, see if you can-"

"DIE YOU GLORIFIED TURKEY!" A scream of utter rage froze the four girls as they saw Jaune rushing towards the creature, sword outstretched, looking like he was two seconds away from snapping. "I'M MAKING GRIMM ROAST TONIGHT YOU BASTARD! I'M SHOVING MY SWORD SO FAR UP YOUR ARSE YOU'LL BE TASTING YOUR OWN SHIT FOR A WEEK!" He continued screaming, his body starting to turn black as his Aura started to manifest itself again.

Blake cocked an eyebrow. "That's not even possible. Grimm vanish when you kill them."

Weiss frowned. "At this point, I very much doubt the dunce even cares. At all."

However, whatever plans he was making were suddenly derailed when another (absurdly pinpoint and accurate) burst of black feathers rained down, one of them piercing straight through Jaune's body and dropping him to the ground, where he twitched, and a gurgling sound could be heard as he tried to swear with a pierced lung. Yang grimaced.

"Is it bad that by this point, I'm not quite as concerned anymore? I mean, he obviously isn't." The other girls all nodded and voiced their agreements as they looked back up into the sky, where the Nevermore gave a screech that sounded almost like laughter.

"Violetta, I have to ask then, why on Remnant did you even send Jaune to Beacon? If he can survive training with you, then obviously there's nothing the teachers there can actually teach him that he doesn't already know." Athena was answered by Violetta's laughter, tinkling merrily over their connection. "Violetta? What's so funny?"

"Athena, darling, Jaune's mastered eleven out of the Arc Blade Techniques, and has even gone so far to invent one of his own. By the Arc family tradition, he's next in line for the head of the clan."

"He's invented his own Blade Technique?! Doesn't that have to be approved by your elders?!"

"Oh yes. They were all very impressed, although the naming could use some work."

"He's the next head of the entire clan?!"

"Indeed! When Alexander and I decide to step down from the position, Jaune will be next in line to lead the clan."

"Then why send him to Beacon in the first place?! He doesn't need any more training!"

"Athena, we didn't send Jaune to Beacon to learn anything..."

End observation. The universe once again shifts, and Jaune switches states once more from dead to alive, the wounds on his body vanishing as though they'd never occurred, and his body awakening from its untimely demise. If one was paying attention to him, they'd notice that his face was now very calm, not a trace of anger in his eyes.

This, unsurprisingly, was short lived.

"I... am sick to death... of fucking, DYING!" The last word was spoken with such fury, such rage, such indignation, that everyone, Pyrrha, Ruby, Yang, Blake, Nora, Ren, and Weiss all stopped to stare at Jaune. Even the Deathstalker seemed to pause in its actions, as though the strange blond haired thing was worth its attention.

The Nevermore, however, didn't seem to agree, and there was another ruffling as a single feather shot out directly towards Jaune.

Ruby never got the chance to call out for Jaune to dodge it. Instead, the entire clearing went even quieter, when Jaune, very purposefully reached out and grabbed the speeding feather with one hand, clutching it tightly and preventing it from reaching him, the sudden loss of velocity in the feather making his hair flutter in the wind.

"We sent him to find a wife."

"LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT, YOU OVER-GROWN SPARROW!" Jaune roared furiously, and chucked the feather back at the Nevermore as hard as he could, his entire figure surrounded with pitch black Aura. Two thunderous cracks sounded out, like Monty Oum himself had stepped upon a celestial tree branch, the first being the feather breaking the sound barrier and the second being the feather hitting the Grimm. Everyone watched the bird literally flip ass over tea kettle as its own feather slammed right into its head, piercing straight through its brain, killing it instantly.

Jaune stood there, panting heavily, eyes twitching with barely contained fury. Slowly he turned around towards the Deathstalker and grinned like a madman.

And for the first time since its creation eons ago, the Deathstalker actually pissed itself in abject terror.

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay guys, but here's the next chapter! Between Binding of Isaac: Afterbirth, Fallout 4 and work, it's been a bitch of a time trying to find some time to just sit down and write, but hopefully this chapter gave you guys some entertainment! Hopefully the back and forth between Athena and Violetta, and the battle in Emerald Forest wasn't too confusing for everyone to follow, and I have plenty of interesting ideas in the future for this fic, so look forward to the ever increasing insanity, perversion, and of course, death!

And remember to leave reviews!

(Psst, oh yeah, and Maxaro totes beta read this. Go check his stuff out. Yandere Neo is fun Neo.)

EDIT: Apparently does not like my scene breaks. So fixed.