I do not own RWBY. It's the little things that keep me from the really good schools. Things like:

Immortal

Chapter 13: The Return of Yellowbeard

[Beacon Academy -Emerald Tower]

"Not that I dislike meeting like this again, James," Ozpin spoke quietly, taking a sip of his coffee like a punctuation mark, "but I must ask, why exactly have you decided to show up to my Academy so suddenly? More importantly..." The tall, mysterious Headmaster turned on his heel to gaze out the tall windows that surrounded his office, and gave him a view across all of Beacon's campus. Floating outside of his window, ominous and shiny, were not one, not two, but three Atlasian Warships, their chrome exteriors throwing bright lights into Ozpin's office. "Why on Remnant did you feel the need to send Vale into a state of panic by sending in so many of your soldiers?!" Ozpin spun around again, glaring.

The object of Ozpin's ire was none other than General James Ironwood. The tall, broad shouldered man stood towering above Ozpin's desk with a hard look across his stoic features. He was dressed to the nines in his gray military overcoat and black slacks. "Ozpin, I brought them here because both Vale and Atlas are being threatened!" James slammed a hand down onto the desk, causing Ozpin's mug to shake with the force of it. "Someone managed to get into Vale, and if we leave them alone for too long, the lives of countless innocents are at stake!"

Waving a hand dismissively, Ozpin picked up his mug and took another sip. Then, "Yes, James, I know about the Queen-"

Ozpin's wry retort was cut off by James' voice, which sounded oddly panicked for someone who led an entire army, as well as managed an entire Academy of his own. "It's not the Queen!" James slammed his other hand on the desk and leaned over, staring down Ozpin with a mad gleam in his eye. "Someone far worse! A man of loose morals, and even looser definitions of overkill!" James dramatically rose from the desk, walking away from Ozpin's desk as he continued. "I speak of the very same man, who stole half my body from me!" James clenched his fist, staring down at the ground with a determined glare across his rugged features.

"James?"

"Yes, Ozpin?"

"You're a bloody idiot. You lost half your body in that unfortunate cheese smelting incident." Ozpin glared at James, who abruptly paled, the expression on his face growing nervous.

"Erm, I mean...I'm after the man who stole my arm!" James managed to recover, triumphantly pointing to the ceiling with his mechanical hand.

"Eaten by that mechanical Beowulf you all tried to create in Atlas."

"My hand?"

"Eaten along with the rest of the arm."

"My leg?"

"You lost that trying to kick wood down in a wood chipper...while it was running."

James scratched the back of his head nervously, looking off to the side. "R-right. Um..." He gave a very sheepish grin, full of straight, white teeth. "He humiliated me in front of my troops?"

Ozpin sighed and put his head into his hands. "I believe I'm starting to understand how Mr. Arc feels on a day to day basis...fine. Whatever."

"The man who had the gall to humiliate me in front of my troops!" James roared, almost instantly forgetting his previous errors.

"You've got to be kidding me...okay. Who the hell is this...man, you speak of?" Ozpin drawled, irritatedly.

"None other...than the infamous Captain Yellowbeard!" James shouted, whirling around on his heel and pointing at Ozpin.

The white-haired Headmaster stared at the general from over the top of his glasses, his expression completely neutral. Slowly, his hand grasped for his mug, and he took another long, slow sip. He took his time, staring directly into James' eyes, the General still frozen in a pose of drama. Just as slowly and carefully, Ozpin placed the mug back on the desk, and cleared his throat. "James, you're insane. Yellowbeard's been dead for hundreds of years."

"I know what I saw!" Ironwood yelled angrily. "I've been hunting him ever since he struck Atlas two years ago!"

Ozpin cocked his head. "What exactly did this...what exactly did Yellowbeard do?"

"Besides cause untold Lien worth of property damage? Besides steal pounds upon pounds of Dust? Besides seduce women all over Atlas? Why, he stole my leg-"

"Insulted you."

"...Insulted me in front of my troops!" James finished, earning another deep sigh from Ozpin.

"This...this must be how Jaune feels every single day..."

James lifted his leg and placed it upon a chair, posing triumphantly again. "I ask of you, Ozpin, help me in my quest to defeat Captain Yellowbeard! I need a crew of top notch hunters to help me track him down, and end his foul reign once and for all!"

Ozpin rolled his eyes. "Calm down Ahab." He drummed his fingers onto the desk, hitting a few of the holographic keys and activating the camera system he had set up around Beacon. "What does he look like?"

"Have you not read the history books? He has a head of gold, and a body that does not betray his inner strength! He rides a ship that travels upon land, and he is followed by a haunting melody! He is unmistakeable in appearance."

Ozpin stopped his fingers and looked over the screens at games with yet another exasperated glower. "So what you're telling me is, he's extremely easy to spot."

"You'd think that, but somehow he's evaded my search thus far! I've managed to track him down to Vale, however. He's here...somewhere..." James stared out the window at his warships and glared. "He can run...but he cannot hide..."

Thud!

Ozpin sighed. This desk feels kind of nice against my forehead. Maybe if I don't get up, James will get bored and leave. He looked to the side and noticed James still staring out the window, obviously internally monologuing, and Ozpin groaned. This is gonna take a while…

[Beacon Academy – Kitchen]

It had been two weeks since the 'trial,' and Jaune Arc could only be thankful for the fact that nothing major had occurred since then. Sure, there were lesser incidents, but nothing that could have matched the sheer level of insanity and 'wtf'-ery that the trial had brought about. Luckily, being so high had caused everyone present save for Ren and Jaune to forget said trail even happened in the first place, or the fact that he'd banged Neo, for that matter.

Of course, 'lesser incidents,' still meant that he had to deal with his partner on a day to day basis. Pyrrha had taken not only to crawling into his bed almost every night, (to the point where he was seriously considering creating an iron cage around his bed just to keep her out) but seemed to be wandering the halls during break periods to try and spread her 'word.' Luckily not too many people took her at her word, assuming she was talking about something else. Still, trying to keep her from turning everyone else crazy was starting to become a full time job.

Tack on to that Blake, who, now that Jaune knew of her Faunus nature, and realized that she was the mysterious pervert who interrupted their every meal with the constant buzzing of her vibrator, was now becoming more aggressive in her attempts to bed him. Of course, Jaune seemed to be able to avoid her somehow (it was the buzzing that gave her way) much to the Faunus' frustration. Even when she tried to corner him in a class, somehow, someway, he found a way to avoid her.

Then there was Nora.

Jaune sighed and flipped the silver spatula in his hand, catching it with dexterous precision. He slid the flat end under a golden brown pancake, plucking it out of the pan that it had been cooking in, and tossing it aside onto a plate that was almost towering with equally perfect breakfast foods. It wasn't like he...hated Nora. She wasn't a terrible person, and unlike everyone else, Nora didn't either care, or didn't mind that he'd banged some random pint-sized ice-cream girl. On the other hand, she was far too hyperactive for his tastes, and her random bursts of affection were starting to wear on him.

Ren was no help. Every time Jaune brought up his problem with Nora to him, Ren's reaction was usually a very oblique way to tell him that, 'she was his problem now.'

The blond gave another small sigh and shook his head, pouring more of his latest batch of pancake batter onto the pan, causing it to bubble and start cooking. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see something orange slowly crawling up to the massive stacks of pancakes. With blurring speed his hand whipped out and smacked the flat end of the spatula onto the slowly outreaching hand.

Whack!

"Ow!" Nora recoiled back, holding her stinging hand, pouting up at Jaune. "Jaaaauuuuuune!" Nora whined. "That was mean!"

"Nora," chastised Jaune, "I already said you have to wait. Go back to the table with others."

Nora's lip quivered, and she put on her best puppy dog face. "Pweeeeeaaassseeee?"

Jaune sighed. "Nora. Go into the cafeteria."

Nora's expression adopted an impish smirk. "What if I promise to give you more kisses?"

"Nora..." Jaune groaned. "We've talked about this a thousand times before. You don't have to be my girlfriend for me to make you pancakes. I enjoy cooking. It's almost…meditative."

"I know!" Nora smiled from ear to ear. She then looked to the side, her cheeks going slightly pink. "But I like kissing you anyway."

Jaune couldn't help but give a small smile. At the very least, while Nora was hyperactive, she was strangely enough, one of the more sane girls among the Beacon crowd, along with Yang, cosplay tendencies notwithstanding. His hand reached out and ran through her hair, earning a pleased squeak from Nora. "Go bug Ren. I'm almost finished with the pancakes. This time, I've added some cinnamon to the mix, as well as used a whole grain mix. Healthier for you, while still delicious."

Nora nodded. "Alright." She started to bound off, then stopped and rushed forward. Jaune turned back to her, only to suddenly find himself being grabbed by the collar and pulled down. The orange haired hammer wielder smashed her lips against Jaune's for a few seconds before bouncing off again, as though what she'd just did was perfectly normal. To Jaune however, his brain temporarily shut off for a few seconds. It'd been getting better, with Nora's repeated attempts, but for some reason, her random acts of affection still seemed to put his brain on standby.

"I'm never going to understand her. Then again, I'm never going to understand anyone in this school..." Jaune murmured. He turned back to the pan, and grimaced. His hand reached forth and flipped the pancake with the spatula, and his lips turned downward. "Well, fuck. Burned." He sighed, fished the burnt pancake from the pan and flipped it into a nearby trash can. While he might not have been a perfectionist in anything else in his life, cooking was certainly something he demanded nothing less than excellence in.

[Beacon – Cafeteria]

Unsurprisingly, Jaune was the last to sit down at the table. Of course, he was the one who was serving everyone their food. That task alone seemed to take forever; Ruby, Yang, Pyrrha and Ren were the easiest. All he had to do was literally put the food and silverware in front of them. Weiss demanded she be served like she would at her home, (although Jaune absolutely refused to call her Mistress, much to her irritation and dismay.) and Jaune spent what seemed like forever arguing with Blake about turning off her vibrator before he gave her her pancakes. Nora of course seemed to somehow teleport the pancakes from Jaune's hands to the space in front of her, and she began to inhale the delicious golden-brown treats.

"Mmm, exquisite as usual!" Weiss exclaimed, daintily eating her pancakes. "And are these whole wheat?"

Jaune nodded as he sat down in front of his modest stake of pancakes. "Yeah. I figured everyone wanted to watch their figures, so I decided to try my hand at working with whole grains."

Yang grinned. "Aww, Jauney-boy's thinking about us! He needs his eye candy."

While Jaune coughed and sputtered out his refusal, Pyrrha simply gave her usual demure, 'I'm a wise and benevolent Goddess,' smile and quietly spoke with, "I'm sure Jaune's vision feasts enough in his own dorm room." She took a small bite of Jaune's pancakes, savoring the taste with an almost blissful smile across her features.

Yang rolled her eyes and turned to Jaune, who was pointedly ignoring his red-haired partner in favor of opening up his Scroll, thumbing through the CCT network. "So, Jauney-boy, anything interesting on the CCT?"

"Hm?" Jaune turned his attention back up to Yang for a brief, questioning moment. "Oh, I'm just checking the news. Nothing new, honestly." His gaze dipped back down and he began to murmur, "White Fang, White Fang, Dust robberies, some old lady's missing cat...yeah, nothing ne-" he stopped in mid speech, a look of shock falling over his face, quickly replaced by exasperation. "For the love of Dust..."

"Hm?" Yang leaned forward to try and catch a glimpse of what Jaune was so annoyed about. Her fellow blond snapped the Scroll shut in an instant, causing her to jump. "Hey, what was going on?"

Jaune affixed her with a strange look before shaking his head. "N-nothing. Nothing at all." Just photos of you in cosplay that you yourself uploaded. "Just...just some strange pictures someone uploaded on the CCT, after all."

Yang gave a raspberry noise, sticking her tongue out. "What, looking up porn?"

Pyrrha, Weiss and Blake's head snapped up, almost glaring at Jaune. The blond rolled his eyes in return. "No. Something far more mentally damaging."

"Jeeze," Yang continued, smirking, "You almost make it sound like you stumbled upon pictures of Professor Port in the nude or somethi-" She froze, her face twisting in to paroxysms of fear and disgust as her mind proceeded to unwillingly produce the horrific mental image. Seconds later, the faces of everyone at the table save for Ruby, (Who was too innocent to conjure up such terrors,) and Ren (who had unsurpassed mental strength) were producing the same image.

Seconds later, the sounds of six students could be heard vomiting up their delicious pancakes, cries of horror and despair echoing through Beacon Academy…

[Beacon Academy – JNPR Dorm Room]

"...anyway, I'm sorry to have ruined breakfast." Yang finished, leaning against the door frame, half in and half out of team JNPR's dorm room.

Jaune waved his hand. "Look, it's fine. Everyone got to eat some anyway before we...er...ejected the meal."

"Still," Yang murmured, the barest hint of pink settling on her cheeks, "I know how much you enjoy cooking and having people eat your cooking. By the way, that is a pretty attractive quality in a guy..." Yang winked at Jaune playfully, earning a wry smile in return.

"As my sisters have told me." Jaune shot back.

"Sisters?"

"Yep." Jaune nodded sagely. "Seven of them, in fact."

"Oh jeeze...no wonder you're so used to being surrounded by women. Hm. I'd like to meet them. Bet they've got all sorts of embarrassing stories to tell." Yang smirked.

"Right. Mental note to self; keep you away from family at all costs." Jaune playfully snarked back.

Yang stepped forward and smacked him on the shoulder, earning a small wince from the young man. "Aw come on, I'm just playing. Anyway, I felt kinda bad about ruining breakfast, so I...kinda might have sorta sent you a present to your Scroll account."

Jaune cocked an eyebrow. "You...shouldn't have?" He stared at Yang who stared back expectantly, smirking. Slowly he withdrew his Scroll from his pocket and opened it up. There was a single message blinking in his inbox. He tapped on it, letting it open up, noticing the message was, indeed, from Yang. Apparently it had an attachment, or attachments to be precise. He opened up the first one and...well, if he had drinks to spit, he would have been spraying liquid across the room. He was thankful for the fact that Ren, Nora and especially Pyrrha were all currently in classes. "Yang?"

"Yes, Jauney-boy?" Came Yang's playful response.

"Why did you send me half-naked cosplay photos?" He shook his head. "Scratch that, you might as well be naked. I only can tell who you are supposed to be cosplaying by the fact that you have Sailor Luna's headband on..." Jaune sighed as he finished with, "...and nothing else."Below, on his scroll, were photos of Yang in suggestive poses, her naughty bits covered by strategic positioning of Sailor Luna's wand, and her own hands.

Yang waggled her eyebrows up and down, grinning widely...then froze. "Wait. Wait, you know about Sailor Luna?!"

"Yeah." Jaune shrugged nonchalantly, not noticing the sudden intense look in Yang's eyes. "My sisters used to watch it all the time. Occasionally they'd forcefully drag me into binge watching sessions with them."

"You know..." Yang started off, grinning from ear to ear, "You look like a lot like Tuxedo Sash..." Yang trailed off, fixing Jaune with a knowing look.

"No."Jaune snapped, cutting her off.

"Come on!" Yang cried out, balling her hands into fists. "I need a cosplay buddy! Magical Girl Yang-chan needs her Tuxedo Sash!"

Jaune glowered. "Not happening."

"Oh come on! I gave you dirty pics of me!" Yang half whined, crossing her arms.

"Pics I didn't ask for."

Yang thought for a moment, then added, "I'll give you dirtier pics..." she singsonged.

Jaune groaned. "Please don't." Before Yang could angrily retort, Jaune quickly held up a hand, interrupting her. "I'm not saying you aren't attractive; quite the opposite, to be honest. I just...erm...I'd feel bad about having dirty pictures of you. I mean, there's more to you than just your...admittedly impressive bosom, you know."

Yang smiled softly. "Aww, Jauney-boy, you're gonna make me blush, you know that?" She tapped her finger against her chin for a few moments as the room went silent. Jaune felt a slight sense of relief that Yang had bought his flimsy excuse. He just didn't want to be caught with anything that would set off his insane partner, Blake, or Weiss.

Actually, come to think of it, why is Weiss so against me banging random women? Blake and Pyrrha I get, kind of. They're jealous. Weiss though...doesn't she hate my guts?

It was Yang snapping her fingers that drew Jaune out of his personal introspection. "I got it!"

"Got what?"

"If you don't become my cosplay buddy...I'll send you dirty photos, while you're in class!" Yang grinned at him evilly.

"Did you not just hear a word I said?" Jaune exclaimed, glaring at the buxom blond brawler, receiving only an ever widening mischievous smirk in return.

"Soooo?"

Jaune groaned again. "Fine, but no dirty cosplay!" Jaune snapped, leveling a finger at Yang. The young woman smiled from ear to ear and leaned forward, before pretending to jerk forward to take a bite of his finger. Jaune pulled it back and Yang leaned in even closer, lavender eyes gleaming with an...intriguing light.

"You say that now..." Yang purred. Jaune cocked an eyebrow, his expression more curious than anything. However, he didn't have a chance to speak another word as Yang abruptly grabbed his arm and yanked him off of his bed where he'd been sitting, speeding out the door. "Come on, Vomit Boy!" she cried enthusiastically, almost dragging him across Beacon's halls. "Time to celebrate this beautiful new partnership with a drinky-drink! To Junior's!"

"Wha-hey! Stop! You're pulling my arm out of its damn socket! Come on!" Jaune shouted, trying to get her attention, but the blond girl seemed to be too intent on dragging him to a nightclub to celebrate her acquisition of someone to model with, and Jaune could only sigh as his body flailed behind her. Well, maybe if I'm lucky, Neo will be there...who knows, maybe she's into cosplay too?

[Vale – Junior's]

Boom!

With a deafening crash, the doors to Junior burst open on their hinges, and in stepped one Yang Xiao Long with an ear to ear grin. "Hello, my people!"

"Oh god," the sound of Junior's voice could be heard nearby, "Not you!"

Jaune looked over to see the bearded barkeeper and information broker staring at the two of them with a mix of fear and exasperation. The blond boy gave a tilt of his head and a small frown. "Wait, what? What'd I do?"

"Besides talked my ear off last time you were in here? And why did you bring her?!" Junior pointed at Yang, his face going almost pale.

"Like, oh, my god," a voice caught Jaune's attention and he turned to see a pair of twins with pale skin and black hair standing behind Junior, opposite arms akimbo. "Like, it's that cow bitch!"

Yang slowly turned to the twins, an evil smile on her lips. "I'm sorry," she replied faux sweetly, cracking her knuckles, "What did you say?" The twins paled, and each took a step back in unison.

"L-like...w-w-we m-mean valued customer?" One of the twins, dressed in a white dress, managed to squeak out.

"Damn straight, now, two Strawberry Sunrises, stat! With ice and-"

"And, like, those little umbrella's. Yeah. We got it." The other twin, dressed in red, muttered back. Both of them quickly turned on their overly long heels and sashayed away to the bar.

Junior stepped closer to them, crossing his arms in an attempt to try and look intimidating. "You ain't here to cause any more trouble, are you blondie?"

Yang waved her hand nonchalantly. "Nah. Just taking my friend here out for a drink."

"You got friends?" Junior smirked.

Jaune deadpanned, glaring slightly. "Keep it up smart ass. I'll be the one to cause trouble if you keep it up."

Junior looked him up and down before laughing and turning on his heel. "Real funny kid. I'd rather not have Goldielocks wreck this place again though, so you're fine." The large man walked away, leaving Yang and Jaune standing side by side at the door.

"Alright, let's go get us some alcohol!" Yang exclaimed.

Jaune nodded, but then stopped a few feet forward, his face in thought. He reached a hand forward and tapped Yang on the shoulder. "So...what exactly did you do?"

Yang gave a sheepish grin and scratched the back of her head, sticking out her tongue. "Oh, kinda got into a little teeny bar fight?" Jaune cocked an eyebrow questioningly, earning a fake shocked expression from Yang, who put a hand to her bosom. "I'm perfectly innocent! Really!"

"Why do I find that idea so hard to believe?" Jaune rolled his eyes.

"Hey!" Yang reared a hand up and punched him in the shoulder, earning a painful hiss from Jaune. He rubbed his shoulder, frowning at his buxom friend.

"Look, I'm just saying, if this club blows up, I'm blaming you." Jaune muttered dryly.

Yang huffed angrily. "I am not going to blow up the club!" She paused, then added, "Again."

"If you keep this up, Yang, I'm really going to need that drink. We just got here, at least try to behave?"

Yang winked, and started walking forward with Jaune in tow, making their way to the bar. "You don't want me to be a bad girl? Or does your heart belong to that little honey you picked up here the last time?"

Jaune almost tripped in place, his eyes widening. "W-wait, you remember that?!"

"Ha! You act like I haven't tried a bit of the sticky icky myself. You're talking to Remnant's number one party girl! I've dabbled in a little bit of everything," Yang explained, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Don't worry though, I won't tell anyone. I'm all for free love and that jazz. Gotta ask though, how was she?"

Jaune gave a short chuckle. "Incredible. She's a petite girl, but really flexible."

Yang approached the table and picked up her Strawberry Sunrise, raising her glass. "Hm. Think she might be interested in a threesome?"

Jaune began to open his mouth to deny it, then stopped and tilted his head. "You know...she honestly just might. She seems kinky like that." Jaune shrugged. He picked up his own glass, and took a sip. "Mm. Rum. You know, technically I'm not even allowed to be drinking this."

"Pfft," Yang gave a dismissive noise, leaning against the countertop in a way that not only seemed sensuous, but accentuated her body's natural curves. Jaune had to avoid looking directly at her, although he did take a few aside glances, quietly appreciating the view. "Really? You're worried about underage drinking? You've not only been here before, but banged some random girl too."

"Hm? Oh, no, it's not that. See, funny story, first time I actually had alcohol was in Atlas about two years ago, when I was fifteen. My dad, a couple of my sisters, and I all were in Atlas to go to visit some extended family. While we were there, I'd asked my old man if I could have a sip of his Rum. I tried it, liked it, and since he and my sisters were there, and Atlas paradoxically has laxer drinking laws than Vale, they figured I could have a bit more. Turns out I could hold my liquor better than anyone thought." Jaune mused. Internally, he found it interesting just how easy it was to talk to Yang. Maybe it was because she felt...normal? Despite a passion for cosplay, she was pretty down to earth.

"What's the problem then? Sounds to me like your old man would have been fine with you drinking." Yang tilted her head, then took another sip of her drink.

"Well," Jaune took another gulp of his own drink, "One drink turned to two, which turned to three and..." Jaune trailed off, taking another drink, and frowned when only a few drop spilled out onto his tongue. "Hang on. 'scuse me, girls?" Jaune asked the twins, who'd been milling about on the other end of the bar. "Could you hook me up with another one of these, please?"

The twin dressed in white gave a small smile and nodded. "Sure. Like, at least you're polite."

Yang huffed, rolling her eyes. While the girl in white began to mix Jaune's drink, he turned back to his blond companion. "Well, I don't quite recall what happened, actually. I kind of blacked out. One minute, I'm downing some drinks and making jokes with my sisters, the next moment, I'm waking up on an airplane with my sisters on either side of me, looking like someone put them through the wringer. My dad didn't look much better either. On top of that, my passport was rejected from Atlas. To top it all off, my dad forbade me from ever drinking ever again. Hell, I'm not even allowed near Rum." Jaune finished his story with a chuckle, and reached out to catch a sliding glass of Strawberry Sunrise without even looking at it.

"Wow." Yang whistled low. "You don't recall what happened at all?"

"Nope, but my dad was like...super serious about me not drinking. 'course, I don't have to tell you about rebelling against authority and all that. I figure, as long as I don't get black out drunk again, I should be all cool. I'm pretty good against knowing how close I am to being drunk anyway, so I shouldn't have to worry about it." Jaune shrugged, and proceeded to down his glass once more.

"Yeah. My dad is pretty laid back, but..." Yang trailed off, adopting a slightly disgusted look.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Well, he won't tell Ruby and I, but he never leaves our home island of Patch. I think it's because..." Yang trailed off and drew her lips into a thin line. "Sorry, we're here to have fun, not whine about parents."

Jaune decided to avoid pressing whatever issue Yang might have had with her father. Can you say daddy issues? He drank down his drink, slamming the drink down on the bar top with a breathe of enjoyment. "Well, at least the company is fine. Pity my little ice-cream partner didn't show up, but we can still have fun on our own."

Yang raised an eyebrow and leaned in close, close enough to where Jaune could suddenly feel the heat from her mouth on his own lips, and for a brief moment, thought Yang might be going in for a kiss, but all she did was give a low murmur of, "Oh, are you going to give me the same thing you gave her?"

Jaune stared into her lavender eyes for a few moments, the sound of the dancing and crowds around them drowning out the sound of his heart beating in his chest, before his mouth slowly turned up with a playful smile. "Play your cards right, and I just might..."

[Two hours later…]

"Hey…Yang…?" Jaune managed to slur out, his mind feeling fuzzy. "H-how...how much alcohol is in those...Strawberry Sunrises?" Jaune's tone was the same slow and deliberate tone a drunkard would use to convince others that he wasn't plastered.

"Ish...ish got a lot." Yang slurred in return. Somehow during their flirting and conversation, Yang had found herself literally sitting on Jaune, facing him. If he hadn't been two sheets to the wind, the young man might have been embarrassed, aroused, or both to have the beautiful, buxom blond sitting on him so intimately. As it was, however, Jaune was busy trying to clear his head of the cotton that seemed to fill his brain cavity.

"Cog...cognish..." Jaune shook his head. "Cognizant! I can shtill say the word 'cognizant,' sho I'm not drunk. A-another Strawberry...thingy..." Jaune snapped his fingers. "Please, garcon!"

Melenie Malachite rolled her eyes with an irritated sigh and, proceeded to mix up her fifteenth Strawberry Sunrise that night, sliding it down to the now hammered Jaune. Like had with the previous seven, he proceeded to knock it back and turned his attention back to Yang. "You...you gotsh...lovely boobies."

Yang grinned a drunken grin and grabbed his hands placing them directly atop her lovely mounds. "Go..." She hiccuped. "Go ahead..." Yang waited...and waited...and realized that Jaune wasn't moving. "H-hey! You can't fall ashleep! Play with my boobsh!" Jaune continued to be silent, his gaze dull and distant. Slowly, he got up, sliding Yang off of his lap and onto the floor with a thud and with a zombie like gait, proceeded to walk away from his companion, toward the back door. "H-hey!" Yang cried out, feeling both angry and neglected. However, her anger turned to concern when she noticed him shuffling past dancers and such, pushing them aside in a hypnotic trance.

To make matters even stranger, Yang swore she could hear faint music above the current dubstep of the night, music that didn't make any sense for the club scene. Jaune proceeded to walk out the back door, vanishing into the night. The blond woman tried to get up, taking a couple of tries to get to her feet. The room seemed to sway and she shook her head, channeling her Aura through her body to try and stave off some of the effects of the alcohol. What happened? Why did he suddenly seem like he was hypnotized? Wait...he mentioned something about Atlas, and him being drunk before? Staggering through the club floor, she trudged her way toward the back entrance to find her drunk friend.

She stumbled out the door and looked around. The street was filled with cars and people walking by Junior's but not a single person seemed to be paying her any mind. Even worse, Jaune was nowhere to be found. "J-Jaune?" Yang drunkenly yelled out. "Where are you?" No answer from anyone around.

That was when the ground began to shake.

Everyone began to scream, and cries of, "Grimm!" could be heard yelled by the civilians all about. Yang, despite being drunk, still had sense of mind to prepare for combat, prepping Ember Celica. She waited for something to come into view, even as crowds of civilians screamed and ran, the ground shaking still. A loud rumbling could be heard, like the sound of something burrowing through the ground.

Then, the music began to play.

The only term Yang could use for it was, 'pirate metal.' The sound seemed to come from everywhere at once, like someone had set up speakers on every building around. "What…th' hellsh goin' on?"

When I come back from a mighty quest
I have no need for sleep or rest
I head to a tavern for a drink
And get so drunk I cannot think!
A wench by my side and a jug of mead
These are the things that I most need
So I sit back and sing this song
And drink and party all night long!

Hey! Hey!
I want more wenches
Hey! Hey!
More wenches and mead
Hey! Hey!
I want more wenches
Lots of wenches is what I need!

Yang blinked in confusion. Who the hell was playing that strange melody? The rumbling grew louder and more violent, and Yang could barely keep standing, turning her head to the direction she assumed the phenomenon was coming from. That's when she saw it. A full on wooden galleon, with its sails blowing in the breeze. It's figure head was a mermaid with a bosom that rivaled Yang's and she could see canons sticking out both sides of the ship. It was literally sailing, sailing through land! It's prow was literally carving a furrow through the Vale streets, crushing or knocking aside cars and causing the rumbling as it somehow made its way forward, propelled through unknown means.

But that wasn't the craziest part.

That would belong to her fellow blond himself, standing at the prow of the ship. He was wearing along red and gold coat, and in one hand was a cutlass with three blades. His leg was up on a barrel, and upon his hat was a large, wide brimmed hat with a large multicolored feather stuck in the band. He was grinning from ear to ear, and for some reason, was even wearing an eyepatch.

"Jaune?!" Yang yelled out. "What the hell...where did you even...how the fuck..." Yang couldn't form a full sentence, only able to spit out half questions as she stared up at her friend. Jaune looked down and sneered.

"Who the hell be Jaune? Ye be talking to Captain Yellowbeard, scourge of Remnant's seas, and I be here to plunder yer booty!" Jaune cried out with the most stereotypical pirate accent Yang had ever heard.

She fell silent for a few moments, before her drunken mind could come up with a decent answer.

"Wait...the treasure kind, or the sexual kind?"

Yang was answered with silence for a few moments as Jaune's face adopted a thoughtful look before he shrugged and responded with, "For ye? A bit of both."

The buxom blond grinned. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but the idea of having her booty plundered?

Sounded like a blast.

Death Count: 2,043

Next on Immortal: Of Booty, Wenches and Hunters

"Give me your best students!"

"You can have my...er...seventh...best students."

"We've only been here for five minutes! How the hell did you find a party already?!"

"I've always wanted to be Yellowbeard's First Mate!"

"Lucky for you, I be looking for a few good crewmates! If ye have a taste for wenches, booze and blood, then come aboard!"

"I'm Sun Wukong! This is Neptune Vasilias, Sage Ayana, and the man who you made your first mate is Scarlet David! Together, we're Team SSSN, and we'll follow you to the ends of Remnant, Captain!"

"Hey! I'm plenty saucy! Get back here!"

"Sadly for ye, Ironwood, but now, ye walk the plank!"

"Fo' shizzle mah nizzle, Em!"

"Don't worry, Mercury...everything is going according to plan..."

Author's Note: Hey there! I know it's been a while, but I will not be dropping your daily dose of insanity and pure crack! Hopefully this should tide you all over until the next chapter. Can't give up on the NUMBER 5 MOST FOLLOWED RWBY FIC! (I think. I'm not sure how the ratings work, but I think I found them? If I'm wrong, this will look absolutely silly.) Anyway, I got to get to work on the next chapter of Moonlit Sonata, and Mirror (and don't forget Ninja in Love!) My hands are full, but I will keep writing on, just for you folks!

As usual, remember to leave a review!