Pre-Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of updates over the past three weeks! It turns out I had a bad case of Bronchitis that was actually starting to develop into Pneumonia. Luckily, I got to the doctor's in time and managed to get a nice set of strong anti-biotics and a steroid inhaler to help me breathe better, and now, while I may not be at 100%, I'm still doing pretty good! Hopefully this chapter will make up for the lack of updates, and I'll try to get back into a semi-semblance (ha, get it, semblance?) of a schedule. Anyway, please enjoy the latest offering of utter insanity!

Pardon me, but have you heard the good word of:

Immortal

Chapter 14: Of Booty, Wenches and Hunters

[Beacon – Emerald Tower – Ozpin's Office]

"See?! See?!" James Ironwood pointed at the holoscreen with the irritating air of someone who someone who'd just had a stupid theory verified. "They called me mad, but there he is!"

On said holoscreen, a massive galleon could be seen tearing its way through Vale proper, a figure dressed in red and gold at its prow, a buxom blond woman seen behind him, looking quite worried. Or drunk. Either way, Ozpin could only groan and pinch the bridge of his nose. He'd already added liquor to his coffee, but now, after seeing the events unfold before him, he was beginning to wonder if he should skip the coffee entirely and just stick to straight up alcohol. The worst part was?

He recognized 'Yellowbeard.'

It was none other than Jaune Arc. When the young blond man had said he was willing to break every and any rule to get out of Beacon, he was evidently playing for keeps. A small part of him was wondering where the hell Jaune had gotten his hand on a land-sailing galleon. The rest of him was currently trying to figure out how he could manage to keep the Valian Council from finding out about Jaune's student status and removing his only source of entertainment for the next four years. Well, that and trying to figure out how to stop the pirate costumed young man's rampage from causing any more damage.

"We must stop him at all costs! I'll send every available unit after him-" James began, jerking Ozpin out of his internal musing.

"NO! No, no...I-I mean, yes, he's a danger, but...with all the army after him, won't the people panic more? Better to send in an elite group of hunters to deal with this problem so the people of Vale can continue to have faith in their hunters." Ozpin tried to reason with the general.

James looked like he wanted to complain for a few moments, but relented and sighed. "You're right. Still, who can stand up to Yellowbeard's might? His destructive power? His charisma?! Ozpin!" James slammed his hand onto Ozpin's desk, almost knocking over the older Headmaster's special brew, much to his annoyance. "Give me your best students!"

The bespectacled man froze and grimaced. His best students? Even if they could get the job done, (which he was beginning to doubt as the Arc boy seemed to be defying...well, just about every law in the physics books) he needed the boy alive, not turned into mincemeat. Or worse, exposed and arrested! Who could stop him though? What did he even want? Was this just his way of rebelling, or was he simply so drunk that he was defying the laws of reality itself? Ozpin stroked his chin. "You can have my...er, seventh best students."

James flinched back as though struck, his expression horrified. "Only seventh?! What ever happened to foreign hospitality?!"

"That has literally nothing to do with the current situation," Ozpin began, rolling his eyes, "And even if it did, that doesn't count if said person happens to be friends with the person giving said hospitality in the first place. Though, I use the term 'friend' in this case, lightly." Ozpin murmured the last part into his coffee mug, ignoring the terrible attempt at puppy dog eyes that the General of the Atlas Army was giving him.

James sighed and slumped forward. "Very well...I knew I should have brought Specialist Schnee along with me..."

[Atlas – Unknown Location]

"Atchoo!" Atlasian Specialist Winter Schnee gave a mighty sneeze, pausing momentarily in mid combat to wipe her noise daintily with a handkerchief she'd kept in her pocket. "Hm. I'm getting sick. I must be forgetting to take my daily multivitamin again."

"Or," A gruff voice responded, a sword intercepting an Ursa who'd strayed too close to the white haired beauty, "The writer is an unoriginal hack who just pulled the 'someone sneezing when someone else is talking about them' cliché in order to introduce you."

Winter rolled her eyes and impaled a Beowulf with a lightning quick stab. "'Writer?' What on Remnant are you talking about? Are you drunk again?"

Qrow Branwen, Ozpin's right hand man and Hunter extraordinaire, grinned. "Not as drunk as most authors make me. Don't be jealous I get a much more awesome introduction than you do." With a flick of his wrist and the sound of gears clicking into place, the man's blade swiftly transformed into a wicked looking scythe, which was used post-haste to remove the top half of an Ursa from its bottom half. "Come to think of it, what the hell are we doing here? The Author just sort of has us fighting with each other somewhere in Atlas. Is this some sort of mission? Why am I helping you? Details, I need them!" With that, Qrow reached into his pocket and with one swift movement, opened it and began to gulp down the contents.

"Did you not pay attention to the mission briefing at all, you drunken hobo?!" Winter snapped, summoning a pale blue and white copy of a Beowulf to rush into the fray, clawing at its ebony brethren, biting at any flesh it could reach.

"Oh, sure, I did," Qrow countered, his scythe spinning like a maelstrom of death, cutting down Grimm like so many blades of grass, "but the readers have no idea what's going on, other than that we're killing Grimm!"

"What readers?! Authors? Is this just some fairy tale for you, you lush?!" Winter practically screamed in frustration, glaring daggers at her unwanted companion.

"Please," Qrow chuckled, cutting down a Griffon before throwing his scythe up into the air, letting it decapitate a passing juvenile Nevermore before letting it land at his side, all while taking a drink of his flask, "A fairy tale would be much better written than this tripe..."

Winter gave a groan and proceeded to flash around the tundra plain upon which she and Qrow had been fighting, Grimm surrounding them on all sides. "Why couldn't I have had a better partner?! Why did General Ironwood make me do this?"

"'Cause the fandom likes shipping you and I together for some reason, despite the fact that I'm probably like...ten years your senior or more. Oh, and hey, we finally have scenery!" Qrow picked up his scythe and tossed it, causing it to slice through a row of Grimm before bouncing off of a buried bolder and ricocheting back to him, the Huntsman catching it with ease. "'course, the readers are probably gonna have a field day with all of my fourth wall breaking. I can only imagine what the comments will be like..."

Winter twitched, her face going red before finally giving one last scream of, "Will you shut up already?!"

Qrow simply sighed and shook his head. "Great," He muttered to himself, taking one last drink of his flask, the Grimm closing further in on them, "The author's written her like a bitch in this one too..."

[Beacon Academy – Loading Docks]

By 'seventh best students,' Ozpin had apparently meant Teams RWBY (minus one blond brawler who'd been out drinking that night and one cat Faunus who'd went down to Vale to buy her monthly supply of batteries) and JNPR (minus one blond knight, who was also conspicuously missing.). James had escorted them from the Emerald Tower where Ozpin had called them up and had given them the mission briefing along the way. This of course, presented problems already. Namely, that both Nora and Ruby had gone haywire with excitement upon hearing the knowledge that they'd get to fight an 'honest-to-goodness-real-life-pirate.'

"I hope he has a baby Nevermore on his shoulder like in the movies!" Ruby shouted excitedly. "Ooh, does his ship have canons?! Does he have treasure?!" The young reaper bounced up and down, silver eyes shining.

"Please, Ms. Rose, calm down!" General Ironwood chastised the young girl. "This is serious business! Yellowbeard is highly dangerous! I've fought him before. Your task is to maintain cover fire while I duel the fiend himself! We must take him down now, before he shanghais or even recruits others into his crew!"

"Um...no offense, General," Pyrrha began hesitantly, "This seems almost...well, personal, honestly."

James clenched his fist and shook it, closing his eyes and raising his face to the night sky. "True, I do have a personal stake in this, but I can assure you, I will not allow this to interfere in bringing this threat to Valean peace to justice! He will not get away with causing panic in another kingdom!"

"Wow..." Ruby murmured, "So heroic..."

Ren, who'd been busy trying to keep Nora distracted long enough to find out exactly what they were trying to do, could only sigh and mutter under his own breath, "I don't think heroic is the right word..."

"Now, we'll take a Bullhead down into Vale proper and from there, we'll attempt to dive onto Yellowbeard's ship. From there, I'll fight Yellowbeard one on one, while the rest of you provide support, as well as fight off any potential crew members. With any luck, we'll have this threat taken care of by the end of the night!" James shouted, pumping a fist into the air.

"Yeah!" Behind him, Nora and Ruby shouted their agreement and jumped into the air, throwing their own fists. The rest of the group, however, looked far less enthusiastic, instead choosing to give nervous grimaces in varying shades of being unnerved.

[Vale – Bullhead Landing Docks]

"At long last, Vale!" This was the cry of one Neptune Vasilias, team member of Team SSSN and currently impromptu airship pilot. The blue haired Huntsman in training stumbled out onto the Loading Docks, stretching. "I thought that we'd never see land!"

"Oi! Quit'cher whinin' love." Scarlet David followed close behind, rolling his neck and producing a series of concerning pops and cracks. "'s not my fault you're a pansy who can't hop the pond without wettin' your knickers. 'm I roight, or'm I roight, Sage?"

With a low grunt, yet another figure emerged from the Bullhead. Green haired and dark skinned, one Sage Ayana stepped forth, adjusting his sword strapped across his back. He too stretched and rolled his shoulders, eliciting pops from the joints. After a few moments, he slowly began to open his mouth as if to speak, but before he could utter anything, he found himself getting cut off.

"I am not afraid of water!" Neptune growled, advancing on his crimson haired teammate. "I was just getting bored of being cramped up in that tiny hold!

"Roight, and Sun is a responsible team leader." Scarlet rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"Speaking of which, where is he? Wasn't he supposed to meet us here?" Neptune muttered, looking about the docks. "And is it just me, or are there a lot of people...leaving Vale?"

"Now that you mention it, it does look like an evacuation, love." Scarlet scratched his chin. Sage walked up next to him and frowned. "Wonder what they're evacuating from."

Sage looked into the distance and his eyes widened. Just above the rooftops, he could see clearly to be what looked like a set of masts and sails, as if some massive galleon was currently sailing through the city itself. Flying high atop the highest mast was a black flag, with a skull and crossbones on it, complete with a yellow beard adorning the jaw of the skull. Sage pointed to the flag and began to speak, but once again found himself getting cut off by Neptune.

"I swear, if Sun has something to do with this, I'm going to kick his ass!" Neptune growled. "Him and his damn parties!"

As if on cue, there was the sound of someone hiccuping and a slurred bout of laughter. "Neptune! My main man!" The three team members of Team SSSN turned around to see their blond, shirtless, Faunus leader stumbling up to them. Atop his head he wore a lampshade, and a tie was hanging loosely from his head like a bandana. "Wha...whasshup guys?!"

Neptune's eye twitched and his hands shot forward to grip his partner and team leader's shoulders. "Sun?"

"Y-*hic*-eah?" Sun grinned stupidly, his swaying being held in check by Neptune's vicious grip.

"We've been here only five minutes...how the hell did you find a party already?!" Neptune began shaking Sun and growling.

"D-d-d-d-dude!" Sun managed to spit out, his head lolling back and forth. "I-I-I c-c-can alwa-a-a-a-ys f-f-find a pa-a-a-arty!"

"Did you have something to do with all of these people flying out of here?!" Neptune snapped, almost in a panic.

"N-no dude!" Sun shook his head. "I just had a few drinks, flirted with some crazy hot cat-girl Faunus and came here!"

Sage tapped Neptune on the shoulder, his gaze still following the pirate flag as it made its way through the Valian skyline. "Not now, Sage! We've got to figure out why everyone's running away!"

"Heh, maybe it'sh because they heard you were piloting the Bullhead to come to Vale...*hic*" Sun chuckled, earning a death glare from his partner.

"I am a top notch pilot! How dare you insinuate anything less than that! They're probably trying to avoid your insane partying and terrible pick-up lines!" Neptune snapped back.

"Aw, dude," Sun began, looking dejected, "My pick up lines are awesome..."

Sage took a deep breath to speak up again, his face contorting in frustration from being repeatedly cut off, when once again someone spoke before he could. "Oi! It...it's..." Scarlet David looked like he'd just had just won the lottery, was hit on by a supermodel and declared King of Mistral all at once.

"Dude...is that a pirate flag?" Sun asked, blinking in confusion.

"Pirate flag?!" Neptune yelled, turning in place to see what everyone was looking at. "Oum in heaven, just how drunk...are...you..." Neptune's voice trailed off in shock as he watched the yellow-bearded skull and crossbones sail across Vale's skyline as though there were water there as opposed to paved roads. "What the hell…?"

"It's Yellowbeard!" Scarlet cried out, eyes sparkling and hands clasped to his chest in excitement. "'e's always been my hero! I've always wanted to be Yellowbeard's First Mate!"

"Wait...isn't he supposed to be dead or old or somethin'?" Sun muttered, continuing to sway in place, blinking bleary-eyed as his Aura worked on negating his drunkenness.

"Shows what you know!" Scarlet exclaimed. "'e was spotted two years ago in Atlas! 'caused all sorts o' trouble 'e did! They said that by the time 'e was finished with 'is rampage, 'e shagged no less than twenty wenches," As soon as Scarlet said that, Sun and Neptune's eyes lit up with excitement, "'e drank no less than twenty barrels o' rum," with that, Sage's eyes widened in surprise, "And even beat General Ironwood 'imself!"

"Holy crap...he sounds like a bonafide badass!" Neptune breathed in shock. "D...do you think he needs a crew? 'cause all those wenches sounds awesome..."

"Hell yeah, and the booze?" Sun added, grinning from ear to ear.

Sage, with a worried gaze, raised a finger and opened his mouth, only to be interrupted, yet again. "'course 'e does! We'll prove to 'im that we're the best Team in all Remnant!" With that, Sun and Neptune gave a cheer and Scarlet ran off, the other two following in close pursuit. Only Sage stayed behind, giving a deep sigh and shaking his head before following closely behind, faint sounds of muttering trailing behind him.

[Vale – Vale Streets]

Forty-five minutes after having come aboard the HMS Indigo Steel and Yang Xiao Long was not only growing more sober than she'd like, but starting to regret her decision. Not only had Jaune- sorry, Yellowbeard not plundered her booty like he'd said he would, but he'd been causing a bit more havoc in Vale than Yang was comfortable with. This led to a number of problems. Mainly, she'd tried to stop him, and before she could say, "you're too drunk, stop drinking more rum," she found herself getting this snot kicked out of her and thrown into the ships brig. From her cell, she could hear Jaune laughing in the most stereotypical pirate laugh she'd ever heard.

"Yar-har-har!" The laugh was puncutated by the sound of cannon fire and masonry crumbling beneath the assault. A loud screeching caw could be heard, a reminder that somehow, Jaune had managed to tame a baby Nevermore, which was currently atop his shoulder like a parrot. Yang growled and punched the wall, causing part of the wooden wall to crack. She grinned.

She timed her hits with the canon fire, until eventually she'd managed to punch a hole through the wooden barrier and to the outside of the ship. This was getting absurd. To make matters even worse yet, that damn pirate metal wouldn't stop playing! She couldn't even figure out where it was coming from. By all accounts, the music was actually emanating from Jaune himself! She needed to stop him before he caused any more damage to Vale, but how? She couldn't fight him by herself, that was already established. She was still too drunk to actually fight at her best. She needed help. Yang leaped out of the hole in the side of the ship and landed to the ground below, pulling out her Scroll.

Her fingers quickly typed out the number of Ruby's Scroll and she waited for her sister and team leader to pick up. However, the Scroll rang and rang and rang, with still no answer. Yang groaned and stormed off toward the Bullhead Loading Docks to see about getting a ride back to Beacon to get reinforcements. As she did however, a shout stopped her in her tracks.

"A-HOY AND AVAST, CAPTAIN! PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD!"

The ship came to a grinding halt and Yang watched as a group of four (very attractive, in her opinion) men stepped forth from an alleyway. One of them, wearing his own pirate garb, stepped forward grinning from ear to ear. Her...friend, stepped to the prow of the ship and leaned forward, looking down at the newcomers. "...Why did ye greet me twice?"

The red-headed pirate coughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Erm, s-sorry Captain. A-anyway, PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD!"

'Yellowbeard' cocked an eyebrow, but shrugged and relented. "Very well ye scurvy dogs!" A rope ladder was thrown down and three out of the four men gave each other excited looks, with only the fourth, a tall, mocha skinned and green-haired man, giving a look of trepidation. The four climbed aboard, and Yang grimaced. This couldn't be good, Yellowbeard acquiring a crew? If his swath of destruction hadn't been bad enough, a crew could help him cause more havoc, more effectively. The girl proceeded to take off at a run toward the Bullhead Docks. It was time to stop a pirate.

Meanwhile, aboard the ship, Scarlet David stood upon the deck of the HMS Indigo Steele with a smile that split his face. Next to him, Sun and Neptune were breathing in awe. "Dude!" Sun murmured, eyes wide. "A real pirate ship..."

"On land, no less..." Neptune continued.

"What be ye scurvy dogs talking about? We be upon the seas! Ye must need yer eyes checked! Either that, or get you a decent eye patch. What do ye want anyway? Are ye here to parley? Or be ye here to cross blades?! Talk, or I'll keelhaul the lot of ye!" Yellowbeard crowed, his baby Nevermore screeching as a punctuation. The pirate swung his blade and the sound of cannon fire could be heard, causing the front end of a nearby building to collapse.

Sage began to speak, but Scarlet stepped in front of him, eyes sparkling with joy. "Oi, we wish t' join your crew, we do! 've always been a fan o' yours, Yellowbeard!"

"Ye want to join me crew, do ye?" Yellowbeard murmured. "Well, lucky for ye, I be looking for a few good crewmen! If ye have a taste for wenches, booze and blood, then come aboard! We'll shape ye all up into the best damn pirate crew to ever ravage these seas! You there, boy!" Yellowbeard pointed his triple cutlass at Scarlet.

"Y-yes, my captain?!"

"Yer me new first mate. Don't be disappointing me! Actually, who be all of ye anyway?"

Sun stepped forward, saluting the young pirate. "I'm Sun Wukong! This is Neptune Vasilias, Sage Ayana, and the man you just made your first mate is Scarlet David! Together, we're Team SSSN, and we'll follow you to the ends of Remnant, captain!"

Neptune gave a cheer, and Sage could only sigh and shake his head, looking over the railing to the street below, watching as people ran back and forth in a blind panic. It was then, when he heard it. The sound of an airship engine. Louder than a Bullhead, its deep, bass crescendo could be heard quickly approaching them. In minutes, Sage could see it cresting the skyline of Vale buildings. A massive Atlasian warship. His eyes flew open and he pointed up into the sky, trying to tap Sun's shoulder to get his attention. It was at this moment that the ship came to a screeching halt. "Wench ho!" crowed the voice of Yellowbeard. Sage was knocked to the floor, while his other teammates happened to be holding onto something and kept themselves upright.

Sun, Neptune and Yellowbeard approached the prow of the ship and looked down to see one Blake Belladona staring up in confusion at the land-bound galleon. "Ahoy! We be looking for some saucy wenches!" Sun exclaimed, grinning wildly.

Blake's amber eyes flew open and she dropped the bag of batteries she'd bought that day, jumping up and down like a child during Christmas. "Ooh! Me! Me! I'm a saucy wench!"

Silence. Then Yellowbeard turned slowly to Sun, shaking his head. "Let's keep moving. I think she be a bit too saucy."

Sun and Neptune exchanged glances, shrugged and turned away, Sun yelling out to Sage. "Keep moving!"

Blake gave a huff of indignation and yelled up at the now moving ship, "H-hey! I'm plenty saucy! Get back here!" Her protests were ignored and the ship continued to move, forcing the cat-girl to nimbly bounce and avoid the creaking galleon's movements. "Damn it! Get back here and plunder my booty! Sexually!" With a scream of frustration, Blake proceeded to rush off after the ship, following it closely behind.

"Er, captain?" Scarlet murmured nervously.

"What be it, First Mate Scarlet?"

"The saucy wench is still following us."

Yellowbeard sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ignore her. We keep moving!"

Sage groaned as he got up, shaking his head. Today had been absurd, Ridiculous. Out of control. This was like one of Sun's crazier parties, but worse. To really drive the irritation home, he couldn't get out a single line of speech to save his life! Didn't they notice the fact that there was an Atlasian Warship…Shit. His eyes flew open as he watched the silvery ship descend from on-high, its canons aiming down at them. Before he could utter a single word, a blast fired forth, hitting their ship and causing the galleon to rock violently throwing everyone to the deck. As he hit the floor, he sighed. Well, if they didn't know before…

They knew now.

Death Count: 2,043 (Jaune's existance is Quantum. He can die negative times because I have number dyslexia. XD)

A/N: Well, to prevent this from taking too much longer to update, I'm going to actually post it here. Yes, I know not everything from the "Next Time" segment was added, but that will come next chapter. I'm going to stretch out the Yellowbeard Arc (Ha, get it? Arc? Jaune Arc? I'm so smrt.) for one more chapter so things don't feel too rushed. Not to mention Yellowbeard vs. James is going to be a hoot and a half. With this, I hope to finally get back onto some sort of schedule, so look forward to Unwinnable being updated next!