Chapter 10: Coming Undone

Casey may as well have disappeared into a dream world. She sat on the couch stirring her tea for an hour, and dreamily watched the water ripple, lost in her mind. Lost in the memory of Derek's kisses. A part of her was in denial, that didn't actually happen, it was a crazy dream. No she didn't kiss him back, no she didn't dissolve. It was just the moment, she found out how sweet he really was, she was powerless, it was all his fault. It was just physical, years worth of loneliness, but it didn't mean she had deep feelings for him. She refused to go there because there was a wall now, nowhere to go but in the refuge of her mind. But in her mind, she could get lost time and time again, and she liked being trapped.

Oh the emotions. She didn't even know which way was up anymore. She was in an endless fog, while she was upset that there was nothing more to be said done about their situation, she had at least one thing from him and no one could take it away, they kissed and it was glorious. God, he was so passionate and so sensual, she couldn't regret it. Resulting in the first time delving into the most lustful thoughts she'd ever had.

Emily mentioned she looked awfully pensive, that she was humming more than usual. She didn't know how to reveal it, what would Emily think of her? She fell into the temptation she swore would never happen to her, had always been the first to judge other women for breaking professionalism, yet she had fallen so far into a hole without escape.

As the weekend went on her emotions overflowed. Casey couldn't keep it any more, as they brushed their teeth in the washroom, she blurted it out, "Derek kissed me."

Emily spat out aggressively, looking completely floored, "and you waited a whole weekend to tell me?"

Casey blushed , trying to maintain stoic and mysterious. "Sorry it was just...I couldn't bring myself to admit I allowed for it to happen."

Emily looked at her with a deadpan expression, "You look too nonchalant, you're pulling my leg," she said seriously.

She blushed a little, her eyes glazed over with drumming intensity. "No, it happened. The elevator broke down, and I found out everything he did for me, so he demanded I got him back however I wanted. And next thing I knew he kissed me, and I got him back for that bet in full," she still couldn't get her breath under control.

Emily squealed so loudly, it almost left her dead and dragged her by the arm to the couch. "Okay, from the top, you can't just tell me all that with that much detail, spill."

Casey spun and let it all out, the more she told Emily, the louder the yelping became. When she was done, Emily's mouth was down to the floor. "Oh my god…..it wasn't just a kiss that was an intense make out, that could have easily led on to other steamy things. Oh my god, what is it about that elevator, that's so hot, I'm jealous. Was he good?"

Casey sputtered, blushing a wild maroon colour. "The rumors were right, I get why he has everyone so fascinated. But it was just a kiss, led by an intense moment that's all."

Emily scoffed, she wasn't a dummy, and it was obvious. "Just a kiss? For God's sake you made out with him at work, with your boss. That's so not you to do lightly. Admit it, there's a connection."

Casey crumbled, she knew her too well. Could admitting it make anything worse? "Fine, okay, it was the best kiss of my life. I am not that girl Emily, I'm not the type that loses logic, and there's so much at stake here. For him, he made strict rules and well obviously he's not the committed type, and for me I swore I would be professional, but when he kissed me all logic went away. It was...fire," she said airily.

Emily clapped, grinning widely. "Bravo. Wow, read between the lines Casey. He says he can't be with you because you work with him, but then goes on to say you're also not they type to sleep with and leave without turning back, and basically we know he's afraid of commitment, so it sounds to me like he's definitely feeling something. You scare Derek Venturi, and it's obvious."

She couldn't get caught up in that, it was too dangerous. "Yes but he also bet on me, and well…now I feel so much stress because if I fail, Derek won't longer be my boss, and I'd probably have George as a boss."

Emily didn't say anything for some time, going through everything thoughtfully until at last she smiled supportively. "Well wouldn't that be better, it would mean you two could try to be together. By everything you told me, he doesn't love his role as CEO anyway, why not…..fail?"

Casey stood up so quickly, anger bolted from head to toe. And Emily looked scared, taking a step back from her. "How could you say that? Derek is incredible, he's working hard for that firm, I wouldn't want to work for anyone else, and I admire his work ethic. I would never ever think of jeopardizing my own career, not to mention his just because I'm so attracted to him. I don't care how much I want it, I'm not going to be the reason he loses it all."

Emily apologized profusely, "You do realize you may never get both right? You can't have an incredible boss, and also have him."

Casey paced around until she felt confidence engulf her. "Yeah well so be it, I can handle this, I will not be the reason Derek ruins his career, and George already has it bad for me, just imagine what he'd do if anything happened between us."

Emily sighed as if she was watching her walk out into traffic, and there was nothing she could do to stop her. "Casey, we all say we'll never go there, that we can resist anything if needed, but this is not just some guy, this is Derek Venturi, and I think as strong as you are, you're playing with fire."

"It was just a kiss, I'm fine I'll survive," she ignored everything else she said, and disappeared into her room.

Nothing could have prepared her for feeling so broken and confused, already missed Derek so much, it felt like she was on withdrawal. They didn't see each other at all, which she expected. A couple days later, she went up to talk to Melody, who promptly told her with crazed eyes, "Oh Casey, it's not even 9 am and I am already getting yelled at by people on the phone. Mr. Venturi has missed so many meetings, this was his sixth."

Casey frowned with concern, "Don't you usually schedule those types of things?"

Melody nodded with franticness, "Yes, and the strange thing is my planners also seem off, and events are missing altogether. So I've tried verbally reminding him the moment I set up anything, and he's still forgetting things. He seems off though, so distracted."

It was truly surprising, but she had also been scatterbrained, "Were those meetings big?"

She nodded sadly, "Yes, very important, and well yesterday's meeting was with George and some of the members of HR to announce he'd pass on the firm by the end of the month, and Derek was nowhere to be found. I chased him down and he was outside in the parking lot taking his lunch break. George ripped into him, hard."

Casey frowned, it was so weird that he'd miss that particular meeting, maybe he was feeling inadequate for the role. "How did he look?"

"Like a sad ghost, I could tell he's slept very little, and there's like...a gloom to him these days, usually he's quite charming even on his worst days."

A wrench was thrown in her heart, she knew exactly how that felt. "Melody would it be okay….if you kept me updated on Derek-" she stopped herself as Melody perked up with intrigue, "Mr. Venturi's moods? I only ask because maybe he's dealing with something, and may need help being more organized."

Melody sighed, "I guess I could, I am just so worried about him, and I don't have anywhere I can really go."

As they were finishing their conversation Ricardo approached them, looking darkly handsome. "Morning ," he had two cups of coffee and he handed one to her and then Melody, smiling spritely. "Just thought you could use something to perk you up a bit."

Melody seemed surprised, eyeing him with suspicion, "what do you want Rick?"

Ricardo laughed, "I can't do something nice for the loveliest women at the firm?" He winked at Casey, completely taking her off guard.

Melody leaned back and inspected him, "so you're just being nice for no reason?"

He shrugged placing an innocent smile, "all I want to do is appreciate you…"

Casey grinned, catching the look of sudden admiration he had for Melody for a slight moment. Melody rolled her eyes, "thanks but I don't want it from you. Now if you two excuse me, I have to go prepare the conference room."

Casey got up to leave and to her surprise Ricardo gripped her elbow to keep her still. "So, you two are pals now I've noticed you chat a lot."

it was one of the highlights of her day, "yes Mel has become my number 1, she's awesome."

Ricardo nodded in agreement. "So, I guess she's told you how much Derek has missed, I'm a little worried about him."

She looked around to make sure Derek wasn't around, but she couldn't help it, she was worried about him, "yes more so with his trial coming to an end so soon."

Casey didn't realize the indiscretion she'd made until she saw Ricardo gawking at her, "Wait it's ending sooner, when?"

Nerves shot through her, and she got up to leave rampantly, "oh maybe I misunderstood but really soon by the end of the month. I thought you knew, I'm sorry. I mean you're his friend…."

Ricardo smiled a little but something flickered behind his gaze, "oh well I'm sure I would have found out eventually. I didn't realize you had such privilege information. Just surprised, but it makes sense Derek has been doing well, I get it. I suppose cozying to Melody has if perks and well… you and the boss clearly have an understanding."

Casey stammered, he was smiling, yet his words seemed accusing, "there's no understanding."

Ricardo smiled at her bluntly. "Well….I could see why he trusts you….you seem kind and sweet, tough things to come by. No worries darling, I'll keep it to myself."

She felt panicked, what if it got to Derek and never trusted her again? The thought terrorized her. "He doesn't trust me, please I probably have it all wrong."

He suddenly took a hold of her hand, rattling her. "Hey, calm down, I'm not here to question you, actually I've been meaning to talk to you about something else…." He moved a little closer, his expression turned extremely soft. " Casey, you have surprised me in many ways, man I was blown away by your case hearing. You're amazing, I've been wondering if you…"

Anything he was about to say was halted as Derek's voice broke through, "well it seems my waiting room has become a pick up bar."

Ricardo moved back and Casey slowly looked at him. Derek was smiling; it was faint, but his eyes were a stormy color. He looked pale and worn out, emanating an exhaustion that wrecked her. The need to go to him at once, to hold him, to kiss him went through her like a torrent.

Ricardo laughed, "You're funny I was just chatting with her, no big."

Derek just moved past them, didn't even look at her ."Ah and I was born yesterday, hey if you two want to start something by all means go for it but keep it away from my office will you?"

She found herself saying, "Derek wait, it wasn't-"

Derek went into the office without even sparing her a look, admonishing her into pieces, and just said, "get back to work Casey. Ricardo I believe there was a client waiting for you outside your office, maybe get a move on," he said crisply before shutting the door.

Ricardo laughed, blushing slightly. She felt bad, he looked annoyed. "Looks like he woke up on a cactus, don't worry, he'll get over it in five minutes. We have nothing to apologize for." And with that he left her, and she stared at his office door for a long time.

Why was it hurting so much already? And was it her imagination, or was he jealous? Immediately she shook herself out of that. That evening when she told Emily about Derek's sudden work performance she said something that rattled her to the bone.

"What if Derek is choosing to fail?"

Casey's heart stopped immediately. "What, why would he do that?"

Emily handed her a cup of tea, studying her wistfully, "Because maybe unconsciously he's sabotaging his status so he may have a chance with you. Just because you won't ever go there, doesn't mean he wouldn't."

Casey nearly dropped her tea, "Don't be silly Emily, he's making it clear that kiss never happened and clearly ignoring me has been just peachy for him."

Emily rolled her eyes with a smile, "He's shown he's quite the actor, I wouldn't be surprised if he's unconsciously doing it. He may be saying he doesn't want anything serious, but maybe deep down he wants it. So much so he'd be willing to get fired over it."

She couldn't even think of it, it was too outrageous. "Well, I don't want him to hurt his own career, that would be so stupid…. I'm not worth that." The reminder of all the things her ex used to say suddenly overwhelmed her, "Sloan made it known I was worth a penny," she said with a laugh.

Emily moved in a hugged her, "You are worth more than you realize, and I hate that your ex made you feel like that. I just wouldn't be surprised if Derek was choosing you."

She didn't want that, no, it wouldn't be right…..She would never allow him to walk away from everything he was meant to be, but for a second she hated it, but she had a flicker of hope. Maybe he did want something, but couldn't there be a way to get everything they want without losing something? The next week was the saddest, he would barely even acknowledge her. She tried being respectful and understanding but it burned every time when he'd say hello to everyone and then he'd just look past her as if she didn't exist. She was prepared for this, yet she wasn't prepared to feel so heartbroken.

She tried to be productive as she prepared for another court hearing, but she found herself spacing out, it was a painful week. And that would get her heart into knots because there was always the possibility she could mess up so bad, that Derek could end up losing the bet. Ricardo was attentive, when suddenly she had too many cases, and would give her suggestions, even giving her some of his own hidden, dark secrets. He was quite funny at times, and it was little nice to be treated as a human, unlike Derek.

Did it really have to go from fire to ice with him? Why couldn't they be a little friendly? Scaredy cat, just fricking smile at me, is that so much to ask? It filled her with annoyance, when he'd notice her and promptly take out his phone as if she was the least interesting thing he'd ever seen. She never considered his smile precious until she no longer got it from him. She'd gladly take that taunting one, even a pity smile, over that stupid stern line he had now.

One morning, Casey went to chat with Melody, when to her total surprise she saw her ex boyfriend waiting by the HR office. She stopped cold, Sloan was tall, well built, had dark hair, green eyes, and well, he was handsome. A cold shower of memories overwhelmed her. He looked up and the his eyes lit up with surprise.

"Casey," he said with alarm, "holy hell it's been years….wow look at you, do you work here?"

Casey managed to snap back and tried to force out a confident look, "Hi Sloan, yes I do work here. Are you getting interviewed?"

He snickered with amusement as he gave her a brief teasing look. "Just felt like hanging out here, wanted the posh waiting room experience," he said with that charm that used to render her speechless at one point. "Yes I am. I am actually shocked to see you, I mean I'm not surprised you work here. You were always inhumanly intense but wow….."

She just smiled with dominance, even though she felt rattled. It was because of him she ended up stepping it up more than ever. "You were right, I always was too intense, but it turned out to be a good thing."

"Well, maybe you could put a good word for me, I mean I know we ended abruptly," and he moved closer to her, "but surely you haven't forgotten...well everything….we had some wonderful moments, didn't we?"

Yes, the beginning was amazing, but he verbally abused her so much near the end of the relationship that it was impossible to forget. She tried to keep the emotions away, but she felt them explode out from within her. His words poisoned her, the fact she was too much to handle, the words that haunted her for years: she was unlovable. Derek would never want her, he had to know deep down she was too much.

"Sloan, I forgot you a long time ago, and well, you don't need my good word to get what you want, I'm sure you'll do great. Good luck with your interview."

"Casey," he said with regret, his eyes lit up with desperation." I know I was a jerk….please…think we could have fun working together, can't we put it all behind us? " she knew he wasn't saying any of that for closure, all he wanted was to get a job and that made her obscenely upset.

"Mr. Venturi isn't the type to take recommendations, he's pretty good at figuring out when someone is right. But I'm sure you'll charm him, bye Sloan."

For a moment she was taken back to that heartbreak, and that scab was reopened. Next thing she knew, she marched past him to Derek's waiting room. She wasn't thinking anymore. Melody saw her, and before she could get a word in she muttered, "I need to talk to Derek, it's urgent."

She opened the door and went in, shutting it behind her quickly. Derek looked slightly disheveled, upset, his eyes were red around the rim, and seeing him after the shock of seeing Sloan, after his pure avoidance of her, made her emotions boil over. She burst out into tears.

He looked up and his eyes went wide as he slowly got up, "Casey," he stammered, "Are you okay?"

She sank down in the chair in front of him and continued sobbing. She was a weakling, clearly, and was ready for him to shoo her out, but he silently came beside her. She put her hands up in defense, "I'm sorry for coming in like this out of the blue, I know you don't want me around, but I- I needed to talk to you, please don't send me away."

Derek sighed and looked at her so softly, and reached for her carefully as if she was behind a bubble. His arm came around her, and she felt him pulling her into him. Oh the sweet chill that took over was beyond her control. "You're scaring me, what's wrong?"

Casey was clearly not thinking clearly, but it burst out like an alien. "I'm sorry I know I have no right to ask for anything and I'm being selfish but please don't hire Sloan."

Derek's gaze bore into her, "Who is he?"

She looked down at her hands bitterly, "he's my ex boyfriend. He's cutthroat, you'd like him but I can't see him everyday. Please don't hire him."

He let out a disbelieving sound, and to her surprise he reached for her face, softly turning her to face him. For a moment she felt safe, "Was that the idiot that said no one could ever handle being with you?" He sounded so angry, so deeply annoyed.

Casey nodded feebly, lulled by the intensity of his protection. "I know this is out of line, and it's not at all professional of me to ask for favors like this. But if you like him and deem him a needed part of the firm, I'll learn to live with it. It just hurts to see him again…..the thought of seeing him everyday is just...too much."

Derek softened, smiled a little , and it was enough to engulf her heart. Oh I missed you. " No worries I'll check him out and we'll if he sucks I'll never call him again. I gotta give him a proper interview but I'll keep what you said to mind alright?"

Casey wanted to hug him so badly, so she stood up abruptly, "thanks Derek, I am sorry."

She moved to leave, and was about to open the door when he said, "Did he see you?"

She stopped and laughed painfully, "yes even asked me to put in a good word and emotionally manipulated to remind me of all the good things we went through."

"Do you still love him?" he asked quietly.

Casey turned around, and he looked a little surprised himself that he asked, sheepish even. "No, not at all…..it's history."

He smiled with a glint of relief, "Good, you are better off. I think he may have surpassed my level of jerk. Alright let me have him. Already his character stinks, so I don't have high hopes for him. Go to your office and call me in ten minutes, that way you can listen in," he shot her that criminally beautiful smile.

Casey gasped with overflowing joy, he was such a rule breaker but it made her grin despite herself, "can you really do that?"

Even with exhaustion, he still looked youthful and beautiful. "I'm sure it's frowned upon, but I owe you one remember, for betting on you."

Casey laughed lightly, bubbling up, and before she could stop herself she was moving closer to him. Captivating, delicious, oh this man was...the most thrilling being ever created. "I thought you'd already made up for that …."

He was smiling more and more, the electricity between them was overpowering "well, this will be the bonus. Plus I think you should forget this idiot, and he clearly hurt you so you listening in is little to what he did to you."

She fought against everything not to throw herself at him. Instead she smiled timidly, glowing with appreciation. "Another sweet jerk moment," she mused and he laughed. "Thank you. Um it was nice to see you."

His smile fizzled off, and agony replaced his face, "It's not nice….." he said with conviction. It made her glad that he was so disturbed, because it meant he was still attracted to her.

"Do you hate me that much?" she murmured.

He smiled, shaking his head, "I don't hate you, just hate ….this." Oh he was so enticing she wanted to move closer, but Melody's voice broke through the intercom. He leaned over her and kept his eyes locked on her and slowly pried the door open. Her heart raced unevenly, "Time for me to put on my tough ass mask."

She uttered out a hoarse, "thank you."

He ushered her out promptly, and she immediately felt guilty for interfering with the hiring process. She crossed another line, but she just wasn't thinking clearly. She shakily called Derek, heard him pick up and say hello, before she waited. And then she heard Derek greet Sloan, Derek had that polite front, and Sloan sat down with clear enthusiasm. Derek asked him a few general questions, and Sloan went off on big tangents about all his accomplishments, and then she heard a quiet laugh.

"Sloan, clearly you know your stuff, any weaknesses?"

"No sir, I am a fully rounded individual."

And then she heard Derek's tone change, "I really doubt that, no one is entirely well rounded. Look, you're clearly confident, but you need more than that to work here. By what I can see, you're…..full of it" and Casey's mouth dropped, feeling a swarm of butterflies overtake her.

Sloan tried to defend himself, and Derek kept talking in a biting tone. "You seem egotistical, immature, and quite frankly, there's no reason for it. You've worked at two firms, cut out the superiority, because that won't work here."

Sloan suddenly scoffed, "from what I can see, your firm has hired people that aren't at my level, I've seen them…..and I can tell you, I'm more suited to your firm."

Casey's fist clenched, that was a direct jab at her, and then Derek laughed as if him comparing himself to her was hilarious.

"Oh well, I can tell you right now, you don't come close to my other lawyers, not even at their heels. You are clearly blind for not noticing how amazing…" he stopped and regained himself. "You are nothing more than a peacock. I can't have someone unteachable at my firm, so I will not waste another moment on you. Good day Mr. McTavish, and if I were you I'd change your attitude, or no one else will want you."

She swooned helplessly, he was just saying that to protect her, he didn't truly mean it, but oh he was sweet. Sloan was clearly aggravated, "I can't believe you're passing me up….you clearly are not as great as your father."

There was no response, and she heard the door slam. Casey's heart hammered, as she heard the phone being picked up. "Derek, don't listen to him okay, you're just as great…"

Derek chuckled lightly, "I didn't take offence to it…..man I wanted to kick his butt so badly, but just know I was doing it in my mind."

She needed to ask, "Um was there any part of you impressed by him? I feel so bad now."

"Don't think I just let you talk me into something, I didn't like him, end of story. This was strictly professional, I didn't do it for you, got it?"

Casey felt a punch in her heart, he was drawing a line in the sand. "Got it, thank you for doing the right thing for the firm," she breathed.

The sound of someone knocking on the door startled her and the person didn't even wait, "Sloan, what are you doing here?"

Derek gasped, "is he really there? Oh he's got some nerve," and he hung up.

Casey blinked rapidly, "um, how did it go?"

Sloan glared, accusing her with a million words silently, "so that's it, after everything we've been through you couldn't summon the will to say something nice about me? You knew this firm was my dream. I could have really used your help babe."

She forced herself to speak, "don't call me babe, and maybe there was a reason he didn't hire you.

Sloan snickered, checking her our from top to bottom, "well I know why he hired you and it's got nothing to do with you deserving it."

Casey stood up, moving in without fear. He was an idiot, but his words didn't hurt, they were just annoying and downright stupid. "get out, who do you think you are?"

The door opened and Derek came in, looking angry as hell. "Oh hi Casey, " his gaze scanned to Sloan, roasting him, "did you get lost? This is definitely not the exit."

Casey was trapped in the middle of them staring each other down, "I'm okay ," she squeaked but Derek kept shooting daggers at Sloan.

Sloan smirked, "You heard her, since you won't be my boss anyway, why don't you let me have a moment? I actually wanted some legal advice, got a problem with that?"

Derek glanced at her, and she felt a little winded. For a moment a whole conversation went between them, do you want him here?

Casey shook her head slightly, she couldn't stand being with Sloan another moment. Derek read her and quick as a whip he opened the door, "actually I have a meeting with Casey, so she won't be able to help you. I'd be happy to direct you to Ricardo."

Casey smiled a little, and then Sloan laughed loudly, seizing them both under a scruitnous observation. "once a teachers pet, always a teachers pet….."

Derek glared at him, "should I call security? I told you Casey is busy."

Sloan gave up, "message received, no need to get all lawyer on me. It's just amazing how Casey does it to have everyone on her side, but trust me , she's not perfect, not even close. She's a nightmare once you get past that face, you'll see what I mean. "

She felt like she had gotten kicked in the gut, and she hated that he still had some power over her. She was scared he would see how much it was hurting her. Derek clearly had enough, and just shuffled him out the door. "Thanks for the advice, now never set foot on this firm unless you want a restraining order for harassment. I am so lucky to have her here, and guess what, I bet she'd beat you as a lawyer any day, now get out.."

Sloan left without another word, and Derek followed him out. She sat back down, feeling slightly surprised to realize that confrontation with Sloan set her free of something, even though it was hard to be in his presence, she didn't feel that love anymore. She always remembered him and wondered if she had ruined that relationship. She never did anything to deserve his callousness, and now she really knew that.

Derek came back in, and she wiped at her eyes with frustration. "Hey, don't tell me you believed a word that moron said."

Casey shrugged, placing on a confident smile, "Just because he's upfront doesn't mean he's wrong. He is right about one thing, I am extremely flawed Derek."

Derek sighed, and took one step closer, "Casey….we all are, but it doesn't mean you're worth what he put you through. If you're flawed then I'm a lost cause. Come on Case cheer up. He will have a rude awakening and you are going to become the best, alright?"

Casey smiled at him, how could he expect her to refrain from melting? "Thanks Derek, I'm sorry for pulling you into my mess…."

Derek cut her off with a laugh, "you didn't pull me, I did it because I felt like it. Plus I'm enjoying seeing the look of terror on people's faces when they see me."

She laughed with him, and she felt so wonderfully happy for a moment. "You are intimidating, George would be so proud."

His smile lingered, and although he was across the room, it made her lightheaded. He looked so….cute, shifting on his spot timidly, as if he was absorbing her in the exact same way. "Well, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm perfect," she said softly, "he wasn't worth all those lost years, that's for sure."

"Yeah he seemed to have the brain of a goose, you are way better off. Time has a way of making people seem bigger in our heads, but confronting our past is a good way to move on." Did that mean he'd moved on from Savitha? But just like that, his demeanor changed. "Alright back to reality," he said with a snap, clearly halting any chance for the conversation to become heavier, "anyway back to the grind. "

She had to give him credit, he was good at pretending a reality that wasn't real. He left without another word, but something stayed with her. A longing so fierce it dismantled every part of her, this sigh of relief, a pure giddiness just by being around him, she missed him.

There was a sudden emptiness within her after that, no matter how much she tried to think of anything else, Derek had infiltrated her to the point she was having lustful thoughts at work. She'd never been so physically charged in her whole life. She hated Derek for awakening her to those feelings, and now she had nowhere to release them. Maybe it was time for her to date, find someone else that wasn't off limits and completely against commitment. Maybe her response to Derek was just naturally her time to try to find love again. Sloan didn't have any power over her anymore, and now that her past had been resolved, it's as if that dormant part of her rose to life again.

One morning, she found a rose at her desk with a little note.

I can't get you out of my head, so I want to be in yours.

She slowly melted in her chair, picking up the rose and letting the lovely scent fill her, reading the words over and over again. It was such a lovely gesture, and she couldn't help but wonder if it came from Derek, who else would send her anything so cryptic? It made her smile, and suddenly felt revamped, maybe it was his way of staying in touch without being seen with her. And for an entire week, she got a rose every single day. The more she got them, the more she had melted in a puddle, because they were so truthful. The notes were short but impactful.

You are so seriously beautiful, it's a crime.

I want you. It's simple but it's the most honest words I could ever admit.

From the moment I saw you, I kind of tripped a bit. Something about you scares me, but I don't want to look away.

The last note made all her hopes bubble within, it had to be Derek. And something within her blew up, everything she had pushed down so deeply came to the surface. The need to find him that very moment was overwhelming.

Can't stop thinking about kissing you, it's become an addiction. I need to kiss you right now, as much as you want. Give me an opening, please.

Casey felt her pulse ignite, remembering the passion, the surprising emotional connection. The way he looked when he was passion hit, so dark, severe, nerve rattling, smoldering. Oh she'd never considered a casual affair before, but this was the first time where her logic wasn't enough to keep that lust at bay. Despite all the rules keeping them apart, she couldn't help but want more of him. Even if all he wanted was something physical, she wanted the risk. Even at the cost of her own heart and career getting compromised, there were some things worth breaking every rule for.

After everything Derek did she knew he cared about her. She didn't need his commitment, was she actually considering starting an affair with her boss? How far had she fallen? But as she thought of that mouth, his hands, his body, that unattainable heart, she needed it. He was worth the gamble, and maybe if he was risking everything to have another moment with her, than she would too.

The notes had given her strength and thought of sending him something to let him know that she was also feeling all those things. She was so excited, she couldn't even think properly of the right time, but that next morning as she saw him walking, brooding slightly, she halted him. All she wanted was to thank him.

Derek paused midtrack, staring at her hand on his arm as if it shocked him. His gaze slowly connected with his, and she smiled at him. He looked surprised, and she tugged his arm, "I need a meeting with you sir."

Immediately the tension spiked immeasurably. He looked around him as if he was afraid someone would see them, "Oh, um is it critical?" he rasped out.

Casey shrugged, blushing a little and batted her eyelashes a bit. "Depends on your definition of critical….it's personal." Oh god, it sounded like she was propositioning him or something. And he clearly took it that way, as his eyes glazed over with vivid desire.

Derek tensed up and took a few measured breaths, "Oh really…." he whispered, clearly surprised as if her making a move was so inconceivable. "Damn it Casey, talk to a shrink," he said with bluntness, and took a big step back. "I'm not the one you talk to about personal stuff, alright?"

Casey's smile faded, and immediately felt embarrassed. Maybe he changed his mind, also what was she doing, why was she acting like a flirt out in the open? "Oh, um okay…..just forget it then."

Derek looked tormented, saw a flash of longing as his gaze went to her mouth, sealing, clearly remembering, and she was caught up in the moment.

"Casey," he said pleadingly, "I can't, we shouldn't…..if you really must tell me something, then say it now. If it's not something you can say out here than maybe you shouldn't be telling me at all." He was afraid of being alone with her, afraid of falling prey to his own desires, and she understood it, but it didn't stop hurting.

She looked away, blushing wildly. It was his fault, he knew she was a romantic, how was she supposed to react to those notes and roses? She felt so confused. "I just wanted to say thank you….. you made my week."

"I did, how?" he asked with pure confusion.

Casey laughed a little, he was adorable. "I'll give it to you, you're good at the pretend game, you know what I'm talking about, just know I loved it, and um I feel the same about repeating...that."

She couldn't seem to stop the blush, and he gawked at her. "You do?" he seemed to literally weaken in front of her, a hunger radiated from him as if he wanted to steal her away.

"I know I shouldn't admit it, because it makes things so complicated but yes, I feel it too," she answered in a quiet murmur.

Derek looked surprised, his mouth parted. It got her attention and the memory of those lips overwhelmed her. He rubbed his eyes as if he thought she wasn't real. "Hold on a sec, I feel like I had an aneurysm. Surely you don't mean what I'm thinking….you are actually making a move?" he asked in a hushed whisper.

She gave an answering tilt of her head, and he just blushed. She loved being able to stun him. "Well yeah, you started it, of course I mean it. Like a game of chess I made my move, now it's your turn, " she said bluntly.

He looked away from her, and scanned around him to ensure no one was around, but she felt the instant tension. For a moment he looked tempted to give in, but then he shook his head abruptly. "I have to say, you surprise me, just when I think I have you pegged you go out and do something unexpected. Maybe I did start this but just forget about it, it never happened, alright? And you're clearly crazy. Now if you excuse me, I have a lot to do and talking to you is not one of them. Keep your thank yous, I don't need them," he said gruffly and walked away hastily.

His words were biting, yet behind his words, she detected his franticness. He was holding on to that wall with his entire being, and she felt so stupid for actually making a move towards him. They were just notes, that's it, and she looked into it too much. Clearly she had messed up the illusion, because no more notes came after that, filling her with a sense of abandonment. Why did Derek screw with her head so badly if he was just going to ignore her at the end? it hurt having a glimpse of hope only to have it snatched away from her.

She had made a decision to forget Derek and the following week she walked into the firm with the plan to ignore Derek, and she was succeeding. If he walked past her, she took out her phone, anything to take her attention off him, and she did noticed he did react to it by stopping, but she just forced herself to keep walking. If space was what he wanted, then she was giving it, even though everything in her was screaming to reach out to him, to just talk to him for one moment.

She was having a good day at work, when Melody called her, "Casey," she said in a hushed tone, "you'll never believe it but Ice Queen is here, waiting for Mr. Venturi to let her in. I'm freaking out, which is why I'm calling you."

Casey's heart stopped, "Savitha is there? Well keep at it Melody, stall her!" the anxiety bolted through her.

Melody laughed a little, "he told me the same thing but I feel like she may not care and barge in. We cannot let her mess with him. I know I'm breaking confidentiality but his mental health could take a hit and this is not the right timing, he really doesn't need more headaches."

She got up moving like a storm, "I'm coming up, need to look at this woman!"

She hung up and raced up the elevator. Just a peek, that's all she wanted. She stopped at the entrance and Savitha looked directly at her. She smiled as if they were best friends but swiftly went back to her magazine. She was stunning and it took her a moment to realize she was the woman she ran into weeks ago the one that told her to stay away from Derek. She wore an elegant golden drees, her long hair braided intricately. She was unspeakably beautiful, wow Derek knew how to pick them alright. She felt like an ugly duckling compared to her. Casey made a big show of handing Melody a binder and she leaned it, "keep me posted."

Melody nodded with a blank look and Casey went back slowly. She felt Savitha's eyes on her back, and everything in her was trying to keep composure, when all she wanted was to claw her eyes out. For almost an hour, she heard nothing from Melody, and she was losing her mind. Finally, Melody came in, looking ghastly, "he left for dinner with her."

Casey saw red, all those positive feelings of shutting Derek out suddenly crumbled around her. Everything in her seized violently, as if she couldn't breathe. "He left with her….are you sure he wasn't just kicking her out?"

"He said he was going to be at Jacee's if I needed anything. Everyone knows Jacee's is a rich date restaurant, you don't take someone there if you're trying to get rid of them. And while he didn't seem enthused to be with her, he still left with her, and now I'm even more worried about him."

She was shaking, and it was impossible to stop the words, "I can't believe he'd be so dumb, so stupid to give her another chance, oh he's such an idiot, so blind. Out of all the women, why her?"

Melody's eyes went round as she took unsettled breaths. "Casey...are you okay?"

"Oh just fantastic, why do you ask? "she snapped, and clearly Melody was surprised.

"You are shaking, and you look like you're about to burst into tears."

Casey stood up abruptly, shielding her face from her searching eyes, "Oh it's nothing...why should I care that Mr. Venturi is being an idiot? I don't care, I'm just surprised that's all," she said frailty. "Um please excuse me, I need to use the washroom."

She went into a stall and burst out crying, knowing he could even try to be with Savitha again made that moment in the elevator lose something, he couldn't be with her, but he was thinking about letting in the woman that hurt him? It made no sense, and she felt this betrayal. It didn't matter that he hadn't promised anything, somehow it felt like he was betraying her.

Melody came in and she knelt in front of her, "Casey are you…in love with him?" she asked with hesitance.

She scoffed through a haze of tears, "Me in love with that doofus? Please kill me if I ever become stupid enough to fall for someone like him."

Melody looked at her softly, scanning her with a gentleness. There was absolutely no judgement, only sweetness went over her serene features. "Casey...I want you to know you can trust me, I've noticed some things lately…"

"Like what?" she gasped out.

"Well, Derek is always asking me about you, if I've noticed if you're upset about something. He's never asked me so often about anyone else. And Ricardo's been talking to me a lot lately, and he said something strange to explain Derek's lack of focus. He said, 'I think Derek may have a crush, when's the last time he's been that scatterbrained?' and well you came to mind, I don't know why."

"He's asking about me?" she asked with more longing than she wanted.

Melody took her hand, "Yes...and I have noticed ever since the rumor, you were both in parallel moods. If you were moody, so was he, if you were happy, so was he, and well the day you won your case, he was just waltzing through the firm, he bought me a new phone, he was just so happy. And then by the next day you were both upset. Is there something going on?"

Casey just cried into her lap, trying to hide desperately, "nothing is happening alright, those are just all coincidences. I am just worried she'll take his focus away, this firm needs him to be okay, or else everything will collapse. I have no feelings for that man, that would be absurd." Her heart was collapsing.

"I think you'd make a great couple, you'd look hot together," she said with a syrupy smile.

Casey burst out laughing, "Please he is against commitment and always will be, we fight 99% of the time….a couple is just funny thought."

Melody straightened up, smiling cheekily. "Okay, well I won't press on this any more, but would it help if I told you Derek didn't look at all excited to be with her? Maybe he was tired of her. Cheer up Casey, If Derek could fall for anyone ever again, I would bet on you," and she winked, completely startling her. "And if you are feeling something, no one would ever blame you, but I get it there's a lot in the way. Just know you can trust me."

Casey was so throttled, that she ended up cleaning herself up and ran out of the firm. Nothing she was doing made sense, she was a stranger to herself. She didn't even know where she was going until she parked outside the restaurant. She had no mind, and went to the patio of the restaurant and ordered some tea and the cheapest desert on the menu. She sat outside, hiding behind a newspaper until she saw Derek and Savitha come out. Derek looked annoyed, but when Savitha hugged him, he didn't fight her off. Just stood there and let her, and she flashed him a smile and left. She didn't even know what she was doing but she got up with a huff.

Casey moved towards him, zoning on him, and he must have sensed something because his gaze bolted her. He looked immensely surprised to see her, "Mr. Venturi," she said with pretend surprise, "Wow, what a surprise that I ran into you," she placed on a smile even though she felt like a volcano. She wasn't jealous, not one bit, but it was her duty to make sure he wasn't going to make that mistake, she had no choice. You're mine, her mind screamed it in an endless wave.

Derek stood there for a moment trying to process if Casey standing there was a weird illusion or not. Oh the past weeks were hell, nothing could have prepared him for the agony he was living in. It was bad enough that everything was getting messed up, that George was breathing down his neck, telling him he's too close to the end to play sloppy now. He had no excuse for all the mess ups, but he knew Casey was distracting him.

When he missed his appointment with HR and his father, he knew he was officially going mad, how could he have forgotten it? George immediately ripped into him afterward, "Derek, have you lost your mind? What the hell is going on with you, you went from fierce and determined in your role, to now dropping the ball? Do you no longer care or…"

Derek tried to calm him, "I care a lot, I don't know maybe things have been more intense, and it's freezing me up."

George scowled angrily, "Just because Casey made it, and you won the bet doesn't mean you can live it up without any consequences now, don't get cocky Derek."

He'd never been more frazzled, yes he'd been distracted, but he was just as shocked by his latest mess ups. "I'm not cocky dad, I swear I don't know what's going on, but Melody swore she had put in all those meetings not only on my computer, but on my agenda too. It's not the first time things go missing."

George growled with disdain, "Don't try to blame it on someone else Derek, just smarten up. Maybe use that noggin of yours for more than just looking out for Casey, and maybe get yourself back on track."

Derek nodded with impish smile, oh she was all he could think about. "I'm sorry….you're right, I was clearly irresponsible."

George defrosted a little, and for a moment there was a ghost of a smile. "You impressed me, and now it's worrying me that you may walk away from it all. I know this job is stressful, I know it's eating at you but I swear, Derek, you're meant to be here. Not just because you're my son, but because you're proving your tenacity on your own."

That was the first time in years he'd gotten anything positive, and he smiled brightly. He nudged him, "Really?"

"Yes, and I mean the work you did with Casey was quite impressive," he gave him a little grin.

At that Derek shook his head adamantly, "I didn't do much there, that was all Casey, she just needed someone to give her a chance. Come on dad admit it, she's ….amazing, right?"

Maybe his face softened too much, and he unintentionally blushed. George just groaned. "Oh crap," he muttered, "I know that starry eyed look, Derek get a grip. Yes alright, she is good but certainly not worth ruining your entire future over for. If you are messing up on purpose just for Casey, then you're not really the guy I thought you were."

Derek was angry now, why would he mess up on purpose? He put on his best poker face. "I'm not trying to mess up for her, alright? Why is it so wrong to say that she's amazing? Dad, believe me, there's nothing else, alright?"

"Okay good," George stood up and smiled, "Maybe use your cellphone to remind you of things, or write things in a separate note book. I always knew technology was too good to be true,"

"I'll do that," he said easily. It was great advice because he got his game back, at least in that department. But everything else was so disorganized, he wanted Casey's help so badly, but he couldn't even think of being with her again without getting insanely turned on.

He felt like he had been through a paper shredder, everything hurt like hell. Firstly, meeting that son of a bitch of a boyfriend of hers, made him feel mad and protective. He was relieved she was over him, but for a moment he worried he still had some kind of hold on her. Holding back from holding her was torment, that pain sucked, but nothing was worse than her stopping him in that hall way with that seductive look in her eye and insinuated they went off together. He felt like he had been clubbed over the head.

He couldn't believe miss goody good was actually wanting to kiss him again, sure he'd thought of it, but he thought they'd left things pretty clear. Nothing about them going there was safe for either of them, so for her to give him that look, was so tempting. He almost caved, he wanted to kiss her, wanted too many things at once, wanted to give her whatever the hell she wanted, just because he wanted to make her happy. But he couldn't, any other mistakes he'd make would ruin her for sure.

Rejecting her hurt, and the way she looked at him, speared him even more. Had he unintentionally led her on by standing up to her ex? Just because he looked out for her, didn't mean he sent her the signal, or did he? he just couldn't understand Casey's overnight switch, but it was an extremely sexy side of her. So bold, and there wasn't an ounce of doubt that he'd turn her down. God he wanted it, so badly.

As if life didn't think he needed more pain, when he found out Savitha was outside, wanting to talk to him he just groaned loudly. "I can't catch a break!" He told Melody to stall her, to tell her he was busy but she waited for hours. Damn it all, it seemed there was no escaping her anymore so he gave in. He needed to get rid of her for good. So she came in, and sat down as if she was this innocent girl that was hurt by his indifference.

Savitha immediately said, "One dinner. That's all I ask of you, and I'll leave you alone forever. Please Derek."

Derek groaned, staring at her with veiled reservation, "What the hell do I have to do to keep you away from me, what could one dinner possible do?"

"Closure," she murmured, in a haze of tears. "Please I know you need this too, as much as you deny it."

Derek agreed and for the next two hours he sat there at the restaurant as Savitha apologized for an entire hour, going on about how she screwed up, that she should have never run off with Max. And then to his complete surprise, she took out an envelope full of cash, "I know this money hurt you, but I needed to return it. It was never meant for me, and it's yours. Please."

Derek took it, tempted to throw it on the table, but he didn't want to be in her presence longer, "Fine, thanks for having the decency of returning it, but we are through. I will never feel that way for you again."

Savitha looked unfathomably sad, "Casey, right?"

Derek shrugged off her comment, "Nope, I swore off women, and congratulations, you were the one to remind me that I was never actually meant for commitment. I'm much happier this way. No drama, no…"

Savitha leaned forward, "No love," she finished. "Everyone needs love Derek, as much as you try to pretend you're above it, you're not. Casey isn't right for you and maybe I don't deserve you either, but you are too…" she cried softly, "Amazing to close yourself off. I love you Derek, just thought you should know it. I've done some real soul searching, and you were the best thing that ever happened to me, I was stupid for ever letting you go."

He didn't need love, not from her anyway. Savitha was right about Casey though, they weren't right together either, but he couldn't stop wanting her. She took a piece from him with her kisses, and now he was left half dead. What's new, being dead was his usual status, but he didn't want it. He wanted to be happy, he really did, he just wasn't brave enough to try.

Now, Casey stood there with a frosty look in her eyes, looking like she was about to punch him out. "Casey," he said with more excitement than he intended, and smiled at her, "surprised for sure."

Casey glared harder, oh he missed that angry, sexy look. "Oh the world is so tiny, what are the chances I'd see you here….life is just so mysterious."

Derek couldn't keep himself from laughing, "Mysterious, right." He moved one step closer to her, but she was still pinched with anger, "so um what brings you out to the rich part of town for dinner at Jacee's by yourself, craving some truffles?" he asked slowly.

Casey was too haughty to smile at his charming little quip. "Ah yes, but my experience was ruined, because I must have walked into an alternate realm where you are more of an idiot than ever before."

Derek folded his arms and let out a little exasperated sigh, but a twinkle of amusement radiated, "Did you follow me?"

Casey scoffed, "me, following you? I'm wrong you're just acting stupid now."

He moved past her, trying not to stare at her too long and rolled his eyes heavily, "Alright, well then you won't mind if I just take off and let you enjoy your tea moment then."

She reached for his arm, halting him. "What, you don't like being informed of your stupidity?"

Derek smiled, he was a sucker for her challenging spirit. "You actually make it sound nice, but shockingly, I don't care to hear it right now. I'm awfully busy."

She rolled her eyes, one moment away from exploding. "Busy, yeah I noticed, so busy flirting with the devil."

He couldn't help but smile more, but being with her was causing too many pleasurable feelings, more so knowing she was clearly ruffled and jealous. "Why do you care?" he asked bluntly.

"What makes you think I care who you flirt with?" They stayed staring at each other, clearly they were going in circles, and Casey was way too proud to admit that she was in fact, pissed at him.

"Because you followed me here, yelled at me, and called me stupid?

Casey glared at him, "I told you it was purely coincidental as for calling you out that was purely cosmic timing."

He smiled, she was hard headed but that's where they were the same, he was just as stubborn. "I am going to be late, so either leave me be, or get to it. Clearly you want to say something, so out with it Casey," he said after a moment of electric silence.

She looked away, her lips trembled a little as if she was trying to keep from crying. "Derek," she said weakly, and slowly looked at him. That wall of anger had vanished, and she looked upset, "why would you ever meet with Savitha after everything she did to you?"

Derek moved back, afraid of the vulnerability about to make their chemistry blow up again. "Casey, I'm a big boy I don't need you to look out for me as if I'm just a kid living in a bubble, if I want to be with Savitha, then that's my call, and it's none of your business, alright. To be honest I don't want to be seen with you, the way the rumors have been lately, I need to be more careful."

Casey laughed sardonically, "Really? So you had no problem having dinner with your enemy but having a discussion with me is too scandalous for you?"

At that Derek rolled his eyes, anything from showing he was crumbling, "as a matter of fact, yes, I don't want to talk to you. Get the clue Casey, I don't want to be around you."

She was too outraged to back down, and suddenly she moved in closer. She actually stretched out her arms as if she was blocking him from moving. "Well too bad, so sad, clearly you can't make proper decisions, so I'm not leaving until you give me an answer, because it is my business. Must I remind you, you came drunk to my apartment because of her, I want an explanation because I'm involved in this now."

He stared at her, felt that instant pitch of intensity that their usual angry banters brought up, "Involved how?"

Casey took measured breaths, "Answer the question Derek."

He couldn't refuse her, man he was in trouble. He hated the excitement crawling all over him just by being close to her. "Fine, have it your way, but could we please talk about this somewhere else?"

Casey scanned around her with surprise, "your car?" she asked a little shyly.

"My car.." he said with a squeak, "Um that's too….." different images of pure lust and sex went through his mind, plaguing him.

"There's no choice Derek, it's either in your car or in your office, pick your poison," she challenged.

He laughed with nervousness, "You are good at getting your way. Fine, but just a quick chat, and you leave me alone, got it?"

Casey smiled brilliantly, "You won't even notice time, that's how quick I'll be, I promise."

Derek turned away from her because her smile knocked the air out of him. She followed him until he opened the backseat of his car and she shuffled in. He felt hesitance, but Casey smirked a little, "come in you big baby, I won't seduce you."

He laughed, was tempted to say she'd already tried to, but didn't want a reason for things to get intense again. He got in and moved close to the door, trying to keep the most space possible. He turned back to her, and waited as she thought of what to say. He took the moment to discreetly check her out. She was in a striped pant suit, looking particularly gorgeous in white and black. She was exhausted, but it didn't stop making her look so beautiful. She was clearly nervous.

"So Savitha….are you two together now?" she asked with a sound of betrayal. Was she actually jealous?

He laughed away the tension, "You're kidding right, you really think I'd ever date her again?"

"So why were you with her then?" she asked quietly. Her blue eyes pierced him, searching him frantically.

"Well Savitha has been trying to get me to talk to her for weeks. I was so tired of running into her, so I told her I'd give her one chat and that was it. She apologized for everything and then…" he took out the envelope out of his pocket. "She gave me this money, said it was little to repair everything she did. She still loves me, but I told her I couldn't ever see her that way again, there was too much between us and I asked her not to seek me out anymore."

Casey sighed with relief, "Why not put a restraining order on her? Derek…..can I ask, do you still feel anything for her?"

Derek looked away, seeing her again was confusing, and her paying him back had taken him off guard, but feelings? He doubted it, " I couldn't tell you what I feel….it's confusing, and she's as charming as ever."

Casey moved in quietly, seizing his hand tightly, "Don't let her in, please you're just going to get hurt again."

He stared at her hand, a ripple of awareness consumed him. He was scared to look at her "why do you care so much?"

She sighed, her body came closer, her warmth wrapped around him and he was fighting the urge to reach for her. "Because she doesn't deserve you."

His heart raced, as the simple words overloaded him, "Casey….I'm not a good guy, alright? Maybe the cards for me is ending up with someone more screwed up than me, or by myself, alright, just please….stop, I deserve nothing."

Casey looked at him with astonishment, tightening her grip on his hand. "So what, you're just going to let her back in as if nothing? Are you really that much of an idiot? Just because you think you're messed up, doesn't mean you deserve hell Derek….I don't want her to destroy you. Please, think it through, I'm concerned for you."

Derek was swimming with emotions too strong, and he was moments from launching himself at her, how did she manage to see any good in him at all? His only defense now was to repel her, he had no other choice, "I don't want concern from you, alright, I want you to leave me alone Casey, that's what I want."

Casey looked winded, he knew he was being an ass, but just as quickly she took her hand back and just folded her arms angrily. "No worries I'll never ever dare to speak up that I'm worried about you then. Go live recklessly, but your decisions affect this firm, if you fall in a hole, we all will, just remember that."

Derek sent her a scathing look, right of course her care only extended to him and the firm. How could he have been so stupid to think she cared about him? He couldn't hold it back. "Oh I see so your concern for me it's about the firm now and keeping up the prestige then? You wouldn't be saying any of this if you didn't get a paycheck," he said bitterly. He regretted his words immediately, she flinched, as if he'd struck her. He reached for her hand, "Case…I didn't mean-"

Casey straightened up, and she slapped his shoulder angrily. "How dare you? How could you put me in the same category as her, have I ever given you any reason to question my loyalty, question if I'm money hungry? Because if you do, then I don't want to be here at all, you hear me, I'll quit this firm before ever letting you think of me that way!"

Without another word, she found the handle of the door and sprung it open and she ran off. He didn't know what happened next, he should have let her go, but he had no mind, just darted off after her. He actually chased her, until he gripped her hand, and swung her back into him. His arms came around her, greedily keeping her close to his body.

"Let go, you idiot," she said frantically, as tears rolled down her cheeks. He was about to let her go, when to his surprise, her arms came around seizing him in a desperate hold, "I hate you now, you jerk-I'm nothing like her!"

Derek was too stunned to push her away, just held her against him until her chest was flushed up against him. Their brusque breathing spiraled between them, and while she looked at him with total hate, her body melted into him. They were basically hugging, but it was the most sensual hug he'd ever received. Her hands went over his back hard, as if she was trying to punish him with her touch, but it was having the opposite effect. He wanted her, so badly he was shaking from it.

" I'm sorry Casey, please I'm just not myself," he said bitterly, tightening his hold on her. She looked so hurt, there was no fakery, he had hit a chord. The thought of her quitting was more than he could bear, he was so stupid. His face seemed to hover closer, mere millimeters from her mouth. "I shouldn't have said that, It's just whenever I see her I can't help but see the rest of the world the same."

"You must think that deep down, and it hurts Derek," her voice cracked. "Tell me what I did to deserve you thinking of me like that."

He shook his head slightly tracing her cheek, "I know you're different, please, don't walk out Casey….I'm a moron. You are special, amazing, and I know you are here because you care, I'm so sorry."

Casey smiled a little, as her breathing slowly stabilized. She felt her hands at the back of his neck, gently tracing him with maddening strokes. Her face softened, "you are a little moronic, but it's hard to stay mad at you," and she looked at him with so much longing. Her touch on his back became gentle, stoking the fear out of him as of her hands were magic. "Not everyone's like that Derek, I'm sure there are people out there that would give the world to be with you."

"Would you want to be with me, knowing how messed up I am?" He asked quietly, lulled by her closeness.

Casey blushed but didn't respond. And honestly, he didn't want a response, because he was so lost now. He felt her heart hammering against him, but she just looked away. It hurt like hell, and he slowly let go of her, "No right? Even you must know deep down that I'm not worth it. And I'm okay with that, life isn't like fairytale and I woke up a long time ago. Just stop saying things you don't mean."

Casey moved into him, her face red and blotchy, seizing him in her blue, intense eyes. "Oh for goodness sake, get it through your head, I would never do anything to hurt you. I didn't say that because I was being nice, I truly believe that!"

Derek trembled as she breathed against his mouth, suddenly her demeanor changed. She was fully aware of him too, and he traced the small of her back, he was past rationality now. "Well that's hilarious, since you are the one hurting me the most. I much rather be in Savitha's presence for the rest of my life than yours for another moment," he said hoarsely.

"Why? "she whispered against his mouth, sending shivers through his spine. Derek moved back now, pushing himself off her body as if he was on fire, but she followed him, there was no unclamping her. "Tell me why I make you so rattled," she urged.

The heat rose over him, "Because I can't think straight around you! I keep making stupid choices around you and the worst part is I like being stupid with you. I can't be professional anymore! Why can't you just listen to me when I say you need to leave me alone? We made a deal Casey. "

Casey wouldn't let him escape and she reached for him, one arm securely around his back, the other went up slowly, tracing his face, moved up to his hair. He was lost in her beautiful eyes. "I know Derek, but I couldn't help myself, because when it comes to you I'm also making stupid choices, but I couldn't stay back and watch you destroy yourself . Savitha will hurt you, way more than I am right now."

The gentle stroke in his hair, blotted out his restrain. "I fucking doubt that… …because you're killing me," a tremor went through him. He stared at her mouth, and he groaned softly as she bit it. He couldn't stop himself, he touched her mouth, tracing her lips in a heated stroke. She melted against him, breathing erratically. Her eyes burst into flames. Oh such beautiful lips, so sensual, and soft.. ..the memory he tried to erase bombarded him. "See what I mean, I'm supposed to be away from you, but here I go again acting stupid. Why did you have to be so…..annoyingly beautiful?"

"Am I?" she whispered, her eyes were hazed, and that blush went over her entire face.

Derek laughed shakily, madness, all of it was madness, but he continued touching her lips, his other hand danced over her back jolting her closer. "So beautiful, it strangles me. I can't believe you've managed to be single for years." He allowed the moment of weakness, his hand to disappear in the mass of her her hair. He stroked her neck , captivated by the way she looked at him, so rosy, and sweet. "When you blush, it makes me crazy, you have no idea what you do to me. "

Casey sighed wretchedly, she swayed restlessly. "I don't mind your stupidity, I guess I'm just as bad. You really think I could be indifferent when you say things like that? You are so hypnotizing … "she stroked his cheek, allowing herself the same moment of weakness.

He was moments from not caring about anything but he had to be the annoying responsible one. "Casey, I don't want to hurt you and I have a feeling I will somehow, please….stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" she murmured innocently even though she knew exactly what she was doing.

"Like you want to kiss my face off," her gaze dipped to his mouth. "Damn it Casey stop, please."

"You are looking at me the same way Der. I am giving you the opening you want , you win, I can't object," she moved against him hungrily. "We could be discreet, please..."

He would have given his life to give in that moment to give her what she wanted, and clearly she could see he was dying for her too. But something was holding him back, and it was the only strength he had left. "Casey, you're clearly not thinking right now, you know we can't…..we made a deal because I would bring you nothing but problems ….a physical thing between us could hurt you in every way and I refuse to do that to you."

Casey laughed off her frustration, and slowly peeled herself back. The passion melted off, and instead that same sadness overcame her. "I'm sorry, it's just...why does wrong feel so good? I don't mean to be so annoying. I was just worried, okay, but I get it, message clear. I'm not worth all the trouble," she fixed her clothes and he just watched her painfully.

She was worth anything, even ruining his own reputation. The love he felt for her in that instant melted everything but he couldn't ruin her reputation. He hated not having her close , "well, thank you for caring but you don't need to worry about that, I may be an idiot but not so big of one that I'd ever go down that road again."

Casey started walking away, "Okay, um well I'm glad."

They walked together, in heavy silence but the storm surged beneath. As Derek got close to his car he stopped. "Um I guess I should take off." He needed to leave that instant , he had lost brain cells.

"Wait, so why did you send me those notes if you were just going to reject me?"

Her voice halted him of all movement. He stared at her broken gaze, she was clearly angry at him. "What are you talking about?" He was actually confused.

"Stop it Derek. The notes and the roses I got everyday for a week. You said you wanted to kiss me among all the other sweet things you said in the notes which is why...I may have been more forward. I wish you'd never sent them to me, because it was cruel and mean, it was probably a prank of yours but I'm not laughing! I made a fool of myself."

Derek moved back, completely bombarded with jealousy and confusion. Anger swirled in his dark eyes, as he took in the information. Someone wrote her…..and she thought it was him. Who the devil would do that? His mind fogged over a realized it had to be Ricardo. "Well, this is awkward but it wasn't me…."

"What?" she half whispered, with round eyes, "you're lying."

Fuck, this was insane. "I wish I was but it wasn't me. Must be one of your many admirers. Can bet it was Ricardo since he's sent you flowers before."

Casey paled, looking instantly embarrassed. She stared at him with disbelief, "oh my, how stupid of me. Oh God I'm sorry," she said wretchedly.

Derek was stunned for a long time, he couldn't say anything. The jealousy was choking his heart. "If he asked to kiss you, I get why you'd think it was me. Don't sweat it okay, what did the notes say?"

She kicked the ground pensively , "Now that I think about it I should have known it wasn't you. Oh I'm so stupid."

Everything became clear now….her strange behavior. The worst part was knowing that she would have broken their agreement if he asked for it. "Is that why you came on to me so aggressively? Oh fuck, I have to admit you rattled me."

Casey nodded turning beet red. "I can't even look at you. Ricardo.. so he's the one sending me such sweet notes, he'd been extra friendly lately but it went over my head."

Derek couldn't control the jealousy from appearing over his face. The fact he was going through that length for her filled him animosity, but he couldn't blame him for falling for Casey. "I've known him for most of my life, he's never sent flowers and notes to anyone before… . I think he's serious."

Casey's eyes watered, "good to know. Wow... I'm so sorry, I'll leave you alone now. I promise, I don't know what I was thinking," she said strongly.

It could have been him, god only knew he'd been thinking all the things Ricardo said to her. "Hey I'm not upset about it, I'm flattered you thought I could be capable of being the romantic type," he said with a teasing smile. But she was too embarrassed to return a smile. "

Casey nodded, but she was stoic, "thanks for not making fun of me…"

He groaned, he couldn't handle those sad eyes, he 'd give her one truth. "Casey I know its not a note but just know, that shockingly I wouldn't take that kiss back, it may have been a mistake, but….. I don't regret it. Clearly you weren't wrong in assuming that's how I felt, I almost kissed you a minute ago. You have nothing to be embarrassed about...it's just…." he had zero strength left.

"Nothing can change though, we can't do anything about it," she finished his thought, sadness morphed over her face.

He felt the same tightness in his chest, the same sadness, and he couldn't be around her any longer. "We have to move on from it….it's for your own good. Maybe give Ricardo a chance… or um I don't know get out there, date. I'm not the dating type, and you responded to those notes which means you do want some form of romantic life, but you wouldn't get romance with me. Life is too short for you to deny yourself the chance to try." It hurt to say those words, so badly, but he tried everything under the sun to push her away and nothing was working, it was the last straw.

She looked at him as if he was betraying her, there was no winning. "so that's it, I should date Ricardo, you just don't care?"

Derek groaned, the bitterness washed over him. What choice did he have? "what I feel honestly doesn't matter. You don't need my permission, clearly he really likes you. It's up to you. But I just need you to forget me Casey."

Silence. For maybe a couple minutes she looked at the ground, breathing shallowly. She squared her shoulders, giving him a blood curdling look, "fine have it your way, if you want me to forget you then you are already out of my memory, it was wrong for me to come here and make things harder for both of us. I should have listened to you. I won't bother you ever again like this."

Ice covered his heart at once. "Good," he said with difficulty, "It's for the best."

She blinked rapidly, and he saw it. The tears she was pushing away. "Bye Mr. Venturi," she said with a wretched sigh and without another word, she walked away. Everything in him was screaming to go after her but he stayed put.

What did he do? Did he just push her into Ricardo's arms, what the hell was he thinking? Ricardo, the guy who'd never been with anyone for longer than three months for the first time seemed to be taking a stab at romance. Maybe he had changed, maybe he would treat her better than he ever would. Who was to say Casey would actually go for him anyway? She'd never date a coworker she said so herself, but what if she did? It was too late to take it all back, and he was already jumbled inside after seeing Savitha, he clearly wasn't thinking.

He couldn't help but wonder what the hell did Ricardo said in those notes to have Casey actually almost jump him in the hallway. Notes that made her drive in rush hour to yell at him for getting close to Savitha, notes that made her think he wanted to kiss her again. Ricardo gave her hope and he had to be the one to kill that hope and he felt awful. Did she really want a physical relationship? It didn't seem like her at all, what did she hope to get out of him?

It was oddly like they had broken up, when they'd never begun anything. And despite all his efforts of not hurting Casey, it was clear that he had hurt her, there was no winning. He had hardly any strength left, he only hoped he wasn't wrong about Ricardo, otherwise he'd kill him if he ever hurt her. And it hit him, more than likely jealousy would kill him first.

He was sinking, but he knew, one little push and he would break and give in to her, in every way. From the very moment he met her, in one day he'd put everything on the line for her without knowing her, and was sure he'd sacrifice just about anything for her. So why couldn't he put his own heart in the line for her? What was wrong with him, was he really that messed up?"

As her figure moved further away, he whispered, "I love you Casey. I know letting you go is the only way to truly love you. I cannot hurt your career, life, reputation, and even hurt you by my own immaturity. But I love you so much I'm drowning, what have you done to me?"

Casey cried for an entire weekend in bed, she was a fool, pathetic, broken, so confused by all her emotions. Derek never made a move, she gave him the heart eyes, came on to him, was bold in her interest in him all to realize he never even asked for an opening. Oh she was so foolish to think he wanted more with her. The worst part was knowing he did want her on some level, but he was too stubborn, too cynical. He didn't have romantic feelings for her, at most he was only physically attracted to her. Everything burned.

He was just so flippant about her dating Ricardo, when previously he had been quite enraged about the idea, so why did didn't he care after everything they'd been through? She had never even looked at Ricardo that way before, and after everything she'd learned from Melody, he wasn't her type either. She was definitely surprised by his sweetness, but he did not inspire that same attraction Derek did.

She couldn't even cover up her heartbreak, and Emily had to take care of her, because she'd broken at the seams. She commanded her for her bravery to try, and that clearly it meant she was open to more in life than she'd preciously denied herself of. Emily also mentioned Derek was clearly just trying to do the right thing, but why now? He'd been the opposition of right from the very beginning. He was maddening, so annoying, but she knew that their fatal attraction was real and she got how dangerous it all was, but she was starting to not care about her own reputation at all.

She barricaded herself inside her room, when Emily came in her bedroom with with a little box, "Casey, this was delivered to you."

She wasn't expecting anything, and she opened the wrapped box to find a USB, with a little note that said: this is why Derek will never love you.

Emily read it and immediately took it from her, "don't look at it, it's probably some troll trying to mess you up Casey. I wouldn't be surprised if the Ice Queen sent it to you as a way to get her to back off since Derek won't take her back. Don't look."

Casey reached out for the USB and reached for her laptop frantically," I have to see it."

She shakily connected it to find a video. Emily took her hand silently, her dark eyes heaving with fright. "I don't think this is a good idea Casey…"

Casey clicked the play button after a long moment of thought, she couldn't help it. She immediately regretted it. It was a clip of Derek's wedding day. She felt a chill take over her entire soul as she took Derek in, dressed so finely, in a dark suit that made him insanely handsome. He was smiling, looking so self assured, radiating manly pride in what he was about to do, his smile was so beautiful it made her heart skip a beat. Was she about to see his heart break on camera? She was frozen, couldn't even move, couldn't even breathe.

"Oh god," Emily said frantically, "I feel like crying. Look how…..happy he looks, so much excitement for his future…."

Casey was already a blubbering mess, couldn't stop it as she watched with a broken heart as someone ran up the alley and handed him an envelope. Derek opened it, and his life literally drained from his face as he read Savitha wouldn't show up and ran away with his best friend. The entire hall was pitch quiet. Derek looked around, looking frazzled, upset, and George walked up to him quickly and read the note. He stared at Derek as he started shaking, and for a moment she could hear Derek's heart breaking as his face displayed a million emotions at once, anger, embarrassment, betrayal and yes, an agony beyond description.

Derek shakily took a microphone. "Looks like you all get free food, without boring vows," he said with saddest smile she'd ever seen, "there will be no wedding."

There was a sea of voices talking at once and suddenly cameras where in his face, those people had no heart to see a man at his worst and actually videotape the experience. George suddenly swung into action, "all of you settle down this instant. Derek, go, I'll take care of this."

Derek couldn't move, and his mother went to him and took his hand, pulling him off the stage. He looked dead , a walking zombie, his beautiful eyes extinguished of anything good, no joy, no life. And as the room turned into chaos, the video stopped.

Casey sat there, crying her eyes out, while Emily talked to her, but she was taking nothing in, everything was a sea of morbid sadness. She'd never felt such a strong urge to commit a crime in her entire life. It was one thing to know what Derek went through, but an entirely different thing to see it. "Oh my god, I want to kill that woman, and she had the audacity to seek him out and ask for another chance? Oh she's a witch. She took such an incredible guy and broke him to pieces. It's not fair, now no one will ever get a chance with him, and you know, I'd be exactly like him if that was me. I'd want to be alone for the rest of my life, no wonder he repelled me so intensely. Oh Derek," she said with a gust of emotions.

Emily was also tearing up, moved entirely, "do you want a chance with him?"

Casey just shook, sobbing wretchedly, "I have no chance in hell, are you kidding me?"

Emily tried again, speaking softly, "do you want him Casey? I'm not talking about your chances or your circumstance. I'm asking if you want him, if you…"

"Love him?" she uttered with shock, she was now the second person to ask her that.

Emily nodded, "search your heart Casey."

After everything they'd been through, she couldn't deny she felt something but she couldn't be in love, right? There was no logical reason to be in love with him, and she didn't want to think about it, but now they were separated by more than just a job position. They were separated by a world of pain that while she knew existed, it wasn't until that video it got to her. Nothing could heal this , not time, nothing she'd ever do would break that wall of mistrust Derek had.

She understood now his hot and coldness, understood his franticness to keep distance with her, why for a moment he questioned her loyalty. However, for all his shortcomings, he was still so sweet, amazing, smart, hilarious, the most….desirable guy she'd ever met. He did put everything on the line for her, so it meant Savitha didn't manage to ruin him entirely. He was good to the core, and while he covered it up often, she never changed him. He could have easily become a tyrant, a jerk without a heart, but he didn't.

There really was no future with him, and it wasn't until that moment all hope was stolen. "I don't want to search my heart when I know there's no hope. He will never change Emily and I can't have him, I have to accept it. Any connection we had will never become anything more." She got up and somehow stumbled to her room.

She cried all night, grief overwhelmed her as she replayed that video in her mind a million times. The past few moths hurdled through her, all the moments with him and the suppressed truth was shooting out like an unstoppable weed. She needed to move on somehow or she'd go crazy for sure. So she sat on her bed, staring at her phone.

Ricardo, you sent me the notes, right? Thanks, it was really sweet of you.

Casey waited until he responded: Everything I said is true, and if you ever feel like maybe getting together, let me know. No pressure Casey, I wouldn't mind being friends first, whatever you want.

Casey just burst out into tears, all she could see was Derek. She'd give anything to get rid of those feelings, but she was doomed. This was her only saving grace. Derek would never be hers, ever. If hurt her to see the brokenness on his face, he'd never let her in...ever.

She had to respect his wishes no matter how much she wanted him, he deserved the right to be respected. She wanted him to let her in, not just physically, which at this point if he only asked for sex, she would do it because she would console him in a way words could never express. She'd give her life to have any piece of him. Oh God…. She did love him, was so madly in love with Derek Venturi, and she couldn't stop it anymore. She frantically wrote the text , and sent it.

I could use a friend.

Author's note: Hi guys, buckle up for some insanity coming up in the next chapters, things are about to hit a dive. Thank you for your patience, extra long chapters is just me giving more so the time waiting is worth it. I am in a total different pace of life now, so having time to write is literally a gift at this point. But I'm so excited to build on this as the tornado unleashes.