Arizona smiled. It was comforting to hear someone close saying that, even though it didn't change anything. The rest of the conference passed by quickly and Arizona was feeling a little nervous about the talk with Amelia. The thought of maybe hearing she got back together with Kai made Arizona feel sad.
Amelia texted her a while ago suggesting a café downtown for them to meet and Arizona called a cab as soon as she left the hotel where the conference was taking place.
When she got there, Amelia was already waiting for her, with a tired look on her face.
"Hi! How are you?" – Arizona greeted her.
"I'm fine, just tired. Had a busy day at the OR today. What about you?" – Amelia asked.
"I'm ok, too. Uhm, before we started, I should tell you that I ran into Maggie today and she is arranging a dinner party tomorrow so I can meet her husband. I'm pretty sure she'll count on you, too" – Arizona told her.
"Oh, ok. At her place? Did she tell you where?" – Amelia asked.
"No, she just asked me to save the date" – Arizona answered.
Amelia just nodded with her head, and had a sip of a coffee. Both women remained in an awkward silence until Arizona decided to break the ice.
"So, what it is that you wanna talk about?" – Arizona asked and flashed a little smile to look kind.
"Well, first I want to apologize…" – Amelia started but Arizona interrupted her.
"There's no need to apologize, Amelia" – Arizona stated.
"Please, let me say it all. Please" – Amelia asked and Arizona nodded yes – "I need to apologize because we were on a date. And even if we weren't, it wasn't nice. It was a messy situation that you didn't have to witness, actually. So I'm sorry"
"It's ok. But are you ok? How are things with Kai?" – Arizona asked trying not to show a shred of jealousy.
"There are no things, actually. They said what they needed to, but I'm not really interested. I mean, it was so hurtful when we were over and now I just can't think about putting myself out there, vulnerable to suffer all of this again" – Amelia tried to explain.
"I see. I mean, I understand where you're coming from, but maybe you need to ask yourself if that's the only reason that's keeping you two apart. This fear of getting hurt again" – Arizona suggested.
"It's not the only reason, but it's a big one, if I'm being honest" – Amelia confessed and Arizona looked down, slightly disappointed.
Amelia noticed Arizona's feature changing with the confession and realized she was making things worse.
"There's another reason I asked you to come here, though" – Amelia started.
"What is it?" – Arizona asked.
"I wanted to tell you that I was really looking forward to our date last night. To talk to you, see you, touch you, kiss you… and that's why I was so angry at Kai when they showed up. Because I was really hoping to come back to your hotel room, spend the whole night with you, waking in the morning next to you. And that's really scary for me, because it has been a while since I don't feel this way" – Amelia confessed.
"Well, I was looking forward to all of those things, too. But I figured you and Kai had to solve things between you. I wasn't comfortable being in the middle of your history" – Arizona explained.
"I know. You did the right thing, I would do the same if I was in your place. But doesn't it scares you?" – Amelia asked.
"What?" – Arizona was trying to gain some time.
"What I just said, about feeling all of those things and so quickly" – Amelia explained.
"I'm not scared of your feelings, but you have never asked about mine" – Arizona provoked.
"Yeah, you're right. I haven't asked. So how do you feel?" – Amelia asked.
"Well, I'm scared to see these feelings for you growing inside of me, because I live in NY and I can't get through this again, moving around and hoping that Sofia gets used to" – Arizona confessed.
"I know. But tell me about these feelings. What are they?" – Amelia was forgetting the real reason she needed this talk: letting Arizona knows she needed to be alone for a while.
"Well… I don't know. I'm a little embarrassed right now" – Arizona blushed and Amelia took her hand.
"Tell me" – Amelia insisted.
"I think about you a lot. Everything reminds me of you, from a scrub to a bad joke because I know how much you love them. And I miss your smile because you can say a lot just by smiling. When I remember our first kiss, that anticipation goes back to my guts all over again. And every time my phone buzzes I'm secretly hoping it's a text from you" – Arizona confessed and blushed – "And now you must think I'm a fool"
"I don't" – Amelia smiled – "But that makes much more difficult to say what I need to say"
"Why? What do you need to say?" – Arizona felt some bad news was about to come.
"All of that mess with Kai made me realize I can't be involved in anything right now. I think I need some time alone, without feelings and dates and texts or anything like that. Because I'm so intense. I feel things really deep inside of me. And these feelings, for you, are real. And deeper than it should. And I think about you, and all of this, the whole time. It's annoying. But I'm just not ready yet, to feel anything, and I can't do that to you, you know? Wait for things to go wrong and you get hurt just because I couldn't press pause when I needed to" – Amelia explained with tears in her eyes.