Chapter I: The Spouter Inn Beth Coffin
Morty: Wait, so I'm the narrating character of the story?
Rick: Yes Morty, in this timeline, every character from the book is replaced by one of our characters.
Morty: One of our characte... why didn't you just take us to a timeline where the original characters play out the story?
Rick: Because, this is more fun. Now here's an answer key. It says who plays each character. Now start taking notes, the story's about to begin.
So Rick and Morty followed "Ishmael Morty" to New Bedford, Massachusetts on a dark and stormy night in December. They followed him into the Spouter Inn, ran by Beth Coffin. In this timeline, Beth Smith was in the place of Peter Coffin and had an eye-patch and a gold tooth. The inn was filled with familiar faces Rick and Morty had encountered over the years. "Ishmael Morty" went up to the bar to get a drink from from Beth Coffin.
Beth Coffin: What will it be?
Ishmael Morty: Rum, on the rocks.
Beth Coffin: You here to go whaling?
Ishmael Morty: Most certainly.
Beth Coffin: You weren't born or bred in New Bedford, were you?
Ishmael Morty: No, I'm a stranger here.
Beth Coffin: Well then. Unfortunately, all our beds are full. Would you mind sharing a bed with another harpooner?
Ishmael Morty: Oh dear. Well, I'll take what I can get.
Just afterwards, Ishmael Morty had noticed a elderly man, with an ivory peg-leg walking by through the window. Rick in this timeline, was in the place of Captain Ahab.
One Sailor: Rick Sanchez.
Ishmael Morty: Who's Rick Sanchez?
One Sailor: That's Captain Sanchez to you. He has a lighting bolt scar, down his face. He spat in the church, and he has a devilish personality.
Ishmael Morty: Ok? What happened to his leg?
One Sailor: A whale, took it off. As Sanchez was a-whaling down at the Cape Horn, the whale went under his boat, and bit it in-half, taking his leg from the knee-down. He went so mad, they had to put him in a strait-jacket to get him to safety.
Shortly afterwards, everyone in the inn started drunkenly singing "I'll Go No More A-Roving With You Fair Maid".
Ishmael Morty: So who's the harpooner I'm to sleep with tonight?
Beth Coffin: Oh he ain't among them. He'll get back just as soon as he finishes selling his heads.
Ishmael Morty: (looks confused) Sorry, his what?
Beth Coffin: His heads. It'll sure take a while. After all, New Bedford's over-stocked with them.
Ishmael Morty: (still looks confused) With what?
Beth Coffin: Heads of course.
Regular Rick and Morty had followed Ishmael Morty into his room in Ghost-Mode. Ishmael Morty was reading about whales in bed. Then the door opened, and the Chud King came in. The Chud King was in the place of Queequeg in this timeline. Ishmael Morty looked terrified as the Chud King undressed and put a shrunken head on a shelf. He grabbed a tomahawk and laid down in his bed, smoking it. But he was surprised, when he found Ishmael Morty in the bed next to him.
Chud King: Who the Devil You!? You Speak or I Kill You!
Ishmael Morty had screamed in terror and called Beth Coffin for help. Beth Coffin came in the room, as Ishmael Morty ran up to her.
Ishmael Morty: Why didn't you tell me I was sleeping with a cannibal?!
Beth Coffin: Well I thought you knew. Didn't I tell you he was out on the town, selling heads? There won't be a problem, will there?
Ishmael Morty: No. I was wrong to judge him at first. If he just puts that tomahawk away, I'll be fine.
Beth Coffin: Alrighty then. Sleep well now.
Ishmael Morty: Oh well. Better to sleep with a Sober Cannibal, than a Drunken Christian.
Ishmael Morty got back in the bed, next to the Chud King and managed to sleep. As they were asleep, Regular Morty watched, and began to take notes.