Hello, my FFN friends!
So, to re-cap Bella knows something... but what? We'll find out soon, but first, we're going to get Edward's take on Thanksgiving. It's going to get a little Emo up in here. But who doesn't love a brooding Edward?
I'm trying to get replies out to all your fabulous reviews. Stick with me. I got thrown into work as soon as I got home from the mountains. I promise I'm reading all of them as they come in!
Enjoy chapter 13!
EPOV
I roll to my side, pulling my comforter with me. It's barely nine, and all I want is to remain unconscious. But, no. Of course, I'm wide awake.
If I try hard, maybe I can convince myself that it's not Thanksgiving. That every other fucker in the country isn't celebrating. That my family isn't sitting around the dining room table eating a succulent bird off my mother's fine china.
I blink back the sting in my eyes. Don't be such a fucking pussy, Cullen.
This is part of the deal I made when I was green behind the ears. That first year it was easy to suck it up and tell myself that I was breaking my mother's heart for a good cause- that she'd understand the following Thanksgiving when I was back.
Ha!
It's Thanksgiving number five.
I drag myself from bed, resigned to the fact that I am not falling asleep anytime soon.
Coffee in hand, I settle on the couch and flip on the parade. At least there's some sort of tradition I can follow. It plays in the background while I pull out my case files and work on a report I hope to turn in soon. It should give us the green light for a search and arrest warrant on Aro Volturi.
I scoff. I bet even Aro is having a nice fucking Thanksgiving.
It takes an hour to finish editing what I wrote. I want Mike to check it before I move forward, so I'm stuck at an impasse until I can get it to him. I try to watch the parade for a few minutes, but musical theater and giant inflatables aren't my thing.
In an act of complete masochism, I pull up Facebook and switch profiles from Tony Masen to Edward Cullen.
My breath hitches at the first photo that pops up, and I slam my computer shut.
The Cullens took a family portrait yesterday without me.
What did I expect? That they would sit around and wait forever?
I don't want that. But it stings to see that there are two members of the family that I haven't met. Of course, Alice's fiance and Emmett's daughter are both there.
I'm a horrible son.
I break out the Jack Daniels before noon. Soon after, I'm back on Facebook as Tony Masen, staring at the picture Bella posted earlier this week of her and her father at La Push beach.
The comments make me smile.
Where's your bikini? -Jessica Stanley
Not bikini weather, Jess- Bella Swan
Wanna bet ;) -Jessica Stanley
But there are new ones that constrict my chest and make it hard to breathe.
I hope you're having fun, Bella! - Angela Webber
Yeah, Bella, have some fun! Maybe you can find a guy that's worth your time! -Jessica Stanly
It's like a stab in the heart, knowing I'm the guy that's not worth her time- because I am- except I'm not. Jesus, I don't even know who the hell I am anymore.
The lines between Edward Cullen and Tony Masen are blurring. Outside Bella's house, when I found Jacob there, harassing her, I saw red. My instinct was to beat him until he couldn't move.
Yeah. Edward's instinct. Not Tony's.
I tell myself that it's a good thing the truth came out. Or some semblance of the truth. I needed to let Bella go. I'm a selfish piece of shit for dragging her down with me.
It doesn't mean being without her hasn't left a gaping hole in my heart. I'm bleeding out, and there's no way to bandage the wound. I am a changed man, and I am dreading the Volturi case ending because now I have no plan for my future.
What the hell am I if I'm not an undercover agent?
Bella was my answer before she ran from me. She was my purpose.
Fuck. That's not healthy.
I sigh, flipping the TV to a football game- Buffalo versus Detroit. I couldn't care less, but it's something to do.
I'm over the game by half-time and decide to take a walk because my four walls are starting to close in on me. Despite living in Chicago for so long, I've barely done any sightseeing, so I search for a list of must-see places and map out a route on the L. My first stop is the Sears Tower.
I forget that most places are closed on national holidays, so I settle for snapping some pictures from across the street so that I have proof I was there. My next stop is Millenium park. It's only a few blocks away, so I walk. The air is crisp, but the sun is out, and I have to take my beanie off when I start to sweat.
I'm surprised at how many tourists gather around the giant bean at the entrance to the park. They're all posing for pictures, and a couple of tween girls are doing a tick-tock dance in the corner. I can't help but chuckle at their awkwardness.
Slowly, I venture over to a deserted spot at the side of the bean. It's weird that this is the thing people flock to, but when in Rome….
I take a picture of myself in the mirror and check it out on the screen of my phone.
It doesn't look like me. And it's not because of the distortion in the reflection or my darkened hair. I look weathered, like I've aged ten years in the past few. I move out of the way of a family trying to get a photo for their Christmas card.
My next stop is Lincoln Park, so I head back to the L and ride it a few minutes north of the loop. I get lost in the area's history as I begin weaving through the streets of well-maintained brownstones. The scents of homemade meals carry through the air as I watch relatives and friends arrive at various homes to celebrate the holiday. Kids ride past me on bikes, and I have to avoid a game of touch football in the middle of the street.
Eventually, I work up enough of an appetite to stop by a small cafe and grab some coffee and a bagel. I take them to go and head toward the neighborhood's namesake park.
Activity quiets as more people have returned home to cook and eat, but I nod toward the few people I pass. I wonder if they are like me, stranded in limbo- left alone for the holidays.
I find a bench near the lake in the middle of the park and break out my lunch. As I take a bite of the bagel and cream cheese, I gaze over the water and notice the skyline of Chicago in the background. I pull out my phone to take a picture.
My mother would love this. Once, when I was ten, we went to New York. She was adamant about going to central park. The idea of an enormous space reserved for nature in the middle of the city fascinated her. My father cleared the itinerary on our trip's last day, leaving it open for us to explore every part of the park.
Her favorite spot was Sheep Meadow, where we sat and had a picnic of food stand hot dogs. She made us all pose for a picture she framed and put on the mantel. I wonder if it still sits there today.
As I look at the screen of my phone, I realize I can call them. It's been six months since I last spoke to my parents, and if I call today, I will probably be able to catch Alice and Emmett too. I'm not allowed to call directly from my agency phone number, so I open the anonymous calling app I downloaded and punch in my parent's home number, praying they pick up.
"Hello?" My mother answers breathlessly.
"Mom?" I choke out, having to clear my throat of the emotion that wells inside me.
"Oh, Edward!" she cries. "It's Edward!" I hear her call out to the rest of the house. "Honey. How are you?"
"I'm good, Mom. How are things at home?"
"You know, the same old things going on here. Your father's softball team won the league championship last month!"
"Yeah? That's awesome! What about you? Are you still doing the interior design stuff?"
"I redesigned Mrs. Berty's therapy office last week," she says, beaming with pride.
"That's great! Did she like it?"
"She loved it!"
"Maybe, when I get home, you can help me decorate my place?" I swallow the lump in my throat.
"And, when might that be?" She's hopeful, and for the moment, so am I.
"I'm up for a promotion. If I get it, I'll be able to visit in a couple of months."
"Edward, please don't say that unless you mean it. You'll break my heart if it's not true."
"I swear. I'm close, Mom. I won't have to do this for much longer."
"Ha! I don't even know what you do, Edward."
"I told you-"
"Military reconnaissance."
"Yeah."
"Okay, honey. Maybe someday you'll explain to me what that means."
"I promise I will." I rub my temple to relieve the stress of my lies.
"Your father wants to talk to you. Don't hang up until I get back on the phone to say goodbye."
"I won't," I say as she passes the phone to my Dad.
"Edward? Son?"
"Hey, Dad! I hear you're quite the softball player!" I tease.
"Don't hate on the softball! One day you'll understand. A man needs things to occupy his time. Retirement isn't all it's cracked up to be."
"All that matters is that you're enjoying yourself."
"I am. I've made some friends, too. Hey, you remember Chief Swan?"
"Do I remember-," I run a hand through my hair. "Yeah, Dad. I remember him."
"He's on the team too! He and his daughter Bella are having dinner with us. They're here right now."
My mouth goes dry. Bella is in my parent's house. Right now.
"Um, wow," I mutter.
"Whenever you get home, I'll take you to a game, practice, or something. It's more fun than you think."
He continues to talk, filling me in on the happenings around Forks and some of the silly things my niece has said recently. I listen and answer half-heartedly as my mind races a mile a minute. Eventually, I tell him the same thing I said to Mom- I'll hopefully be home soon.
After he says goodbye, he passes the phone to Alice. I'm bombarded with wedding details until Emmett forces Alice back to the table, saving me from hearing anything else regarding lavender versus violet.
"Sorry about that, man."
"Jesus, does she ever stop?" I laugh.
"I wear AirPods to tune her out. I can't wait until the damn wedding is over."
"Uh, when is it?"
"In May. Any chance you'll be there."
"I'm trying hard to get out, Em."
"Edward, what are you involved in? And before you give me bull shit about military stuff, save it. Do you remember a guy named Elezar Denali?"
Oh. Shit.
"Uh…"
"Yeah. That's what I thought. He goes to my CrossFit gym in Seattle. Says he knew you when you were in the military. Same regiment, right?"
"Yeah." I drop my head.
"You're not in the fucking military, Ed. You were, but you're not anymore," he hisses.
I glance around as if someone might hear and catch me the way Emmett has- drowning in a web of lies.
"Em, I can't…." I trail off. What fucking story do I give him? I never planned for this.
"Whatever you're doing, promise me you'll be safe."
"Emmett, don't." How can I make a promise I can't keep?
"Just come home to us, okay? I don't think Mom can handle it if you don't."
"I will. I can promise you that much."
I end the call with a drawn-out goodbye to my mother. She begs me to call again soon, just like she does every time we talk, and I tell her I'll try.
When I hang up, I take a shuddering breath and squint at the sun's rays reflecting off the city's glass buildings.
I want to quit. I want to go to O'Hare and buy a ticket for the next flight home to Washington. I want to prove to Emmett that I'm not some jackass trying to put his family through hell. I want to prove to Bella that-
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I need to prove to Bella that I'm not a liar.
A/N: With Bella knowing what she knows, will Edward be able to prove that his lies are justified? It's all going to come to a head in chapter 14!
I'll see you soon ;)