As Takagi walked by Nishikata towards the park, lunch bag in one hand and picnic blanket in the other, she felt quite frustrated with herself. When she had once told Nishikata that her other weakness was him (not her ticklish armpits), she had meant it literally. It was practically impossible for her to resist teasing the poor boy, for his reactions drew her back again and again for more.

But teasing was only part of the weakness. Sure, while it was a fun way to get closer to him, she secretly wanted many of the things she teased about. She wanted to be more than friends with him. And as Takagi grew older, she wanted it more every day.

And it was starting to drive her to do things she regretted, like her horrible misreading of Nishikata's feelings and subsequently scaring him off. Takagi was lucky enough to have not lost him as a friend; he had even come to support Mano and Nakai with her today!

And yet, as lucky as she was, from literally the very first word Takagi had said to Nishikata this morning, she couldn't resist jumping back into old habits and teasing him about romantic things. She had now learned the hard way that he definitely didn't feel that way, not yet. And he might never feel that way if she kept thrusting herself at him, teasing undertones present or not.

Takagi realized too late that she was going too far. She probably shouldn't have provoked him with the silly things her mom had said either, but trying to make him tickle her?! At the very beginning of the first time they meet up after that disastrous one, trying to get him to touch her?

In that moment, Takagi had almost slapped herself. She couldn't do these things anymore, not if she wanted Nishikata around her. She couldn't pressure him. He wasn't interested in nor ready for that. Maybe in high school he would warm up to seeing her as more than a friend, but until then, she just had to pull it back to keep him as one.

But holding back was almost painfully difficult, and she was really feeling it on this walk. Takagi had tried to rectify her initial teasing by siding with Nishikata, by supporting his view that the two of them weren't on a date. That on its own wasn't easy. But now, seeing Houjou and Hamaguchi growing closer, both of them fully aware of and engaged in their date, made her clench her fists together. She hadn't anticipated how hard it was to see another couple growing in a way that they couldn't.

Takagi glanced over at Nishikata who, despite looking frustrated or embarrassed, was her embodiment of cuteness. She saw him bite his lip for a second and quickly scratch an itch on his back, probably still mulling over something that she had done to embarrass him.

And she knew that, despite her weakness, despite her jealousy, she could wait for him. He was worth it.

Hamaguchi had started saying something about the park being closed, but Takagi wasn't really listening. She hadn't stopped looking at her crush, trying to convince herself that she would not repeat her mistake. She would not push him away.

It was then that she caught Houjou's reply.

"I passed this way bigger park on the way here that we can eat at instead, it's pretty close to here."

They were still in Takagi's neighborhood; she knew the lay of the land better than anyone else. She knew exactly which 'bigger park' Houjou was talking about.

Her heart lept into her throat, and Takagi stood there, like a deer frozen in a car's headlights. She had been pulling off her nonchalance of Nishikata's rejection of her pretty well, in her opinion. But it was still terribly raw and sensitive. Going back to where it had happened so soon, and with him? She could feel her teeth beginning to chatter relentlessly, completely in opposition to the autumn heat.

She couldn't keep faking it, not there! If Houjou had proposed that earlier, she would have found a hundred other alternatives! But she couldn't just tell her no, not now. What was she going to do?!

Takagi's eyes refocused and she gasped. Nishikata was staring right back at her, his eyes rapidly narrowing as he took in her stunned expression.

She tore her eyes away from him and started walking pointedly forward, beginning to shake. Nishikata had just seen her with her worry fully exposed, it was all over her face. He was smart—right now he was piecing together her whole charade; now he was realizing that she had been hurt at this very park.

No, no, no, Takagi whimpered silently, feeling a strong urge to run away herself. She just couldn't let him know about that; it was her own fault for trying to hold hands, trying to act all lovey-dovey when he wasn't ready. And Nishikata was too kind, he wouldn't back down if he found out something was wrong.

She could not let him do something that he wasn't ready for, that he didn't want yet! And her heart couldn't take another rejection.

She just didn't say anything for the remainder of the walk, feeling trapped. Instead, Takagi was racking her brain, trying to come up with an excuse, something to explain that look that had just slipped out. In the middle of that, Nishikata had suddenly offered to hold her things, apparently following suit after Hamaguchi.

Amidst her worry, Takagi felt a small ray of hope while handing them over, but only long enough for her to realize her recurring stupidity and quash that hope out. She had circumstantial evidence that Nishikata was not romantically interested in her, or not ready to show it, and he had been denying the fact throughout their entire friendship anyway. He was just being gentlemanly as usual.

This was exactly her problem; she just would latch onto a nice gesture, something he said, a surprise box of cotton he brought when she was feeling down, holding her hand just long enough to help her down some treacherous festival steps, and blow it way out of proportion. Takagi needed to start denying these fanciful hopes.

Nishikata just didn't see her like that.

"Here we are!" said Hamaguchi jovially. They had arrived at the dreaded kite-flying park. Of course, there were no kites today; it was much less windy and hot out. The group immediately headed for a group of trees across a grassy plain; once they had found some nice shade, the four of them each took a corner of the blanket and spread it out, then sat down to eat.

Their lunch was tasty; the still-warm rice, the slightest crunch to the steamed vegetables each seemed a tiny bit better than usual. It did little to quell Takagi's concerns, however. She deliberately avoided eye contact with Nishikata as the group chatted, staying more reserved than usual. She knew it wasn't a good look and did nothing but fortify Nishikata's suspicions that she was sad, but she didn't know how to fool him yet and just couldn't look at him while at this park.

To be honest, Nishikata was quieter than usual too, though not as quiet as her. He still had the occasional story or joke to share, at least. He and Hamaguchi began talking about Japanese soccer leagues as they finished their bento boxes.

As they talked, Houjou shifted the slightest bit closer to Hamaguchi. A minute later, she did it again. Takagi risked a glance at Nishikata to see if he had noticed, and it seemed he had. But when his gaze shifted towards her, she looked away. When the conversation broke, the rest of them looked into their lunch bags and pulled out cookies to try. They smelled delicious, but even though they were new recipes, Takagi didn't feel like eating much and only nibbled on the edge of one.

"I guess I wasn't looking, I didn't grab any chocolate chip cookies," Houjou commented, peering into her bag with a frown. Takagi was happy to offer her one, but before she could speak up for once, Hamaguchi interjected.

"I-I've got one here," Hamaguchi said, holding out a cookie he had just pulled out. "...Do you want a bite?"

Houjou grew red, but moved closer again at the same time. She nodded, and after a moment of hesitation, opened her mouth for him to feed her.

It was a bit weird, watching another couple trying to grow comfortable with each other when Takagi couldn't. Of course, she was at least glad they were happy. She watched Hamaguchi's hands begin to shake as he lifted the cookie, then slump slightly as he instead broke the cookie in two and handed her half. Houjou smirked but accepted it, mouthing something along the lines of "dummy" in the process.

Not too much later, after everyone had had their fill, Hamaguchi and Houjou stood up, planning to take a stroll around the park. The sky had grown partly cloudy throughout lunch and a cool, light breeze had picked up, no longer confining the whole group under the shade of the nearby tree. They left, leaving Nishikata and Takagi sitting on adjacent corners of the picnic blanket.

As she watched them departing, Takagi had a great idea. Maybe she should suggest that she and Nishikata play hide-and-seek like they had earlier in the summer. Then, after winning rock-paper-scissors, she would choose to hide and go somewhere where he would never find her ever again.

She heard the slight shift of fabric on fabric and turned to see Nishikata scooting a bit closer to her. She wasn't ready to meet his eyes yet; she could practically breathe in the dense awkwardness in the air.

"Umm… these cookies turned out really well," Nishikata said, scratching the back of his head. "I think I like the snickerdoodles a bit more, though. Our chocolate chip cookies aren't quite as soft, we were going a little too fast."

"I think they're both really tasty," she replied.

"Oh?" Nishikata raised an eyebrow. "It didn't seem like you liked them that much…"

He must have been watching her take small bites. The cookies were good; it wasn't what he thought. A teasing response immediately came to mind, a jest about how he couldn't take his eyes off her, a provoking question about if she was really that pretty.

But this time, Takagi was ready and kept her lips tightly shut. Teasing itself was fine, but romantic things were now strictly off-limits.

"No, they're good," she affirmed, staring into the green grass growing by the edge of the blanket. "I'm just… not feeling that well today,"

"Wait, you've been feeling sick?" Nishikata quickly replied, a hint of alarm in his voice, "We could have just eaten at your house. Should we take you home?"

Takagi shook her head. She obviously couldn't tell him the real reason she wasn't feeling well, but at the same time, she was positive he already knew.

The pair continued attempting to start additional conversations, with Nishikata putting in more effort, but they weren't in their usual rhythm. Takagi was inwardly still finalizing a good explanation to tell Nishikata about their last time at this park and felt like she was navigating a new, unfamiliar minefield—any wrong word and she might accidentally blow things up.

"So… Hamaguchi and Houjou-chan, huh?" Nishikata said, looking far off to the other side of the park where the other pair was walking.

Takagi nodded, but at the same time felt slightly bewildered that Nishikata kept mentioning it himself. In the past, he had often acted awkward around Mano and Nakai.

"I… wonder if they will officially become a couple before school starts next week."

She didn't think so; they were each still a bit early for that. Maybe by Christmas. However, Takagi didn't say this, but instead just shrugged. She was settling in on how to respond, but it made her feel sick to her stomach.

Neither one spoke for a full two minutes. As the silence prevailed, Takagi began to tremble, knowing what was coming. They had to address what had happened, and she could feel it coming.

Finally, she heard the slightest inhalation as Nishikata opened his mouth to talk.

"We were here at this p-park last week, huh?"

She waited as long as usual conversation tendencies would allow, then finally nodded in response.

"...Did you have fun?"

Takagi blinked, then looked over at him truly for the first time in awhile. Was he still just stalling? She needed to tread lightly here.

"Yeah, I did," she replied, "It was fun watching you fly your kite and making it flip and loop in the air."

"Um, well that's good to hear," Nishikata muttered back, "Because when we were walking here earlier, I could've sworn I saw you looking upset about–"

"Me, upset?" Takagi interjected, forcing up a sudden smile, "No way." She raised a finger to her chin to feign pondering. "I mean, like I said, I haven't been feeling that well, but there's nothing to be upset about. I'm just enjoying having fun with everyone and helping Hamaguchi-kun and Houjou-chan out."

Nishikata stared at her, looking pensive. Was he not buying it? She shouldn't have stayed so quiet, then just flipped the switch of nonchalance so abruptly.

"I'm always having fun when I'm around you.." Takagi continued, then realizing how that could be interpreted, quickly tacked on, "and all my other friends".

Takagi watched Nishikata's face grow red at her initial words, then his eyes momentarily turn to slits as he likely wondered if she had just been teasing him. But no, she couldn't be teasing like that anymore, not on purpose.

"What about you, did you have fun?" she asked, trying to get him off that thought.

"For the most part, yeah, it was fun studying then coming over to this park," he replied airily, glancing around at the green trees and grass that surrounded them. Then he looked back down; Nishikata's obvious expressions made it quite clear that he was still concerned.

"I-I still feel bad though," he said quietly, staring into the blanket, "About leaving you behind…"

Takagi visibly gulped, praying he didn't notice.

That was total confirmation that he remembered too. "Oh, I'd almost forgotten about that," she lied, straining to keep her tone lighthearted, "and I already said it's okay."

Nishikata was growing redder by the second, which normally excited Takagi, but right now it was making her more and more worried. He didn't seem to be buying her casual demeanor either.

"But I mean," he continued, "running away from you, after, well," he glanced down at her hand, sending a jolt through her heart, "...you know… … our han-"

Takagi couldn't bear to get rejected again, she couldn't hear him say it. He hadn't bought the act.

In an instantaneous, impulsive decision, she activated her backup plan; she threw on her best poker face and interjected again with a fake giggle.

"Nishikata, you're talking about when I grabbed your hand, right?" she replied with a devious tone, staring at him straight on with a half-grin. She shifted onto her knees and stuck out her hands in front to hold her on all fours, coming towards Nishikata and forcing him to lean back. "Did I make you feel embarrassed?"

The boy gritted his teeth, leaning back even further. "I- No, I… but I, uhm…" Takagi giggled again, moving one hand even closer to him. She could see the nerves bulging on his forehead as he tried looking away.

"I'll take that as a yes," she continued, her eyes flashing with false enjoyment. Nishikata yelped, leaning back too far and falling over into the grass. Takagi was an expert at this, at embarrassing Nishikata. But in this specific case, she had fought so hard to not tease him in order to get her feelings across. Trying to cover up all that work was not fun, but painful, and keeping her real mood, her true current feelings bottled up inside on top of that was just excruciating.

She didn't want to do this. She hated lying. But she had no choice.

"I-So that was really just teasing?" Nishikata asked, looking up at her from where he lay questioningly. It was actually a bit surprising that he had the courage to explicitly ask—but then again, Takagi had tried to be explicit enough to give him the right impression as well.

"Of c-course!" she lied, "I wanted to see your reaction, as always. I had to do that during our kite-flying contest if I wanted to beat you, since you know more about kites than me, but at the end, I just wanted to tease you."

Takagi could feel her throat beginning to tighten up as she downplayed her feelings. She couldn't hold this facade much longer, and proceeded to lie down on the grass beside Nishikata, letting out a deep breath as calmly as possible. Nishikata shifted onto his side to face her, looking more perplexed than embarrassed.

"So you were teasing me…" he murmured quietly, almost more to himself than to her. Takagi bit her lip for a second, each pound of her heart feeling more painful than the last as she strangled her feelings away.

She could still remember it, plain as day, as he ripped his hand out of hers like it was poisonous.

"That's right, I just wanted to see your reaction," she got out, giving him a toothy smile and then trying to laugh.

She couldn't do it.

She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks, could sense her eyes beginning to water. Takagi was losing it. She could remember him running away, leaving her alone under a tree. It was just like this tree.

Instead, she pounded the final nail into the coffin of her bounding feelings: "And you dashing off all embarrassed like that was such a hilarious reaction!"

As she saw the final piece of doubt fade away from her crush's expression, replaced by a growing look of irritation, Takagi felt something break inside her with a jolt. That tiny flicker of hope, that he somehow might have still reconciled her feelings, was instantly smothered out. As he sat up, then stood up to look around, she rolled onto her stomach and buried her face in the grass, her hair draping messily around her head. hiding her. She felt her entire body beginning to shake and knew he would assume it to be laughter. She heard him grumbling on about something and wiped her streaming tears away with the blades of grass over and over again.

She had pulled it off. Takagi had successfully averted Nishikata's attention away from her attempts at intimacy; now he wouldn't be scared away again, not until he was ready in a few years. But at what cost? She felt shattered; not only could she no longer flirt with him, and she'd had to claw back all of her past hints which brought her so much joy.

But she got what she wanted. Takagi didn't care that Nishikata had run off; in fact, she had wanted that. She was a good, mischievous friend to keep around, nothing more. When she had grabbed Nishikata, put herself up close to him, it was for one reason, and one reason alone. To endlessly tease him.

Well, at least that's what he thought.

I just love writing this. I hope it's interesting, even with both ups and downs!