There are moments in everyone's relationships, whether merely friends or lovers, that changes things. Perhaps not changes everything, but enough so it forces one to open their eyes. And the relationship is never the same.
It happened during our adventure with The Titans. I was, as usual in the beginning, naïve. I only wanted to help people. Not knowing what was happening, I brought back The Titans. And then I became full of myself and attempted to use their power for my and other's gain.
What I regret the most about that adventure was thinking I had met my soulmate. Or at the very least, I had met a kindred spirit. When in fact, I had someone who believed in me, without question.
And didn't treat me as the kid I was. I can actually hear Xena smirking as I write. That first year or so, I was always attempting to have Xena see me as an equal. As more than an annoying traveling companion.
Looking back, I know. I was a child in a way. While technically an adult and betrothed to marry, I was also the little girl who'd rarely left the farm. Who didn't have many experiences, outside the farm.
I feel a gentle squeeze. Xena now understands exactly what I was feeling back then. She never had those experiences as so many had shaped her childhood. In a way, stolen her childhood.
It was the learning process. Xena was harsh on me because it's how she had learned. I still remember her words to me when I attempted to help with Argo. It was a single word. Improve.
I feel a kiss upon the back of my neck. To this day, Xena now regrets most of the harsh ways she attempted to teach me. But it wasn't just her. There were other harsh lessens I, we, faced down the road.
Facing The Titans and how close I was to losing my innocence was the first time I truly began to internally grow. Oh, I'd learned a few lessens along the way. But having the power of the gods was something I wasn't prepared for. Luckily, I had Xena beside me. As always.
The Titans
The usual walking suddenly took on another turn as Xena merely handed Gabrielle the reins and asked she take care of the horse. It wasn't normal. Perhaps it was an attempt to make Gabrielle and Argo get along.
It was the first time Xena had trusted her companion to take care of her precious horse. It meant a great deal to Gabrielle to be given the opportunity. She only hoped she didn't mess it up. Of course, if there was a way, Gabrielle would find it.
It wasn't so bad taking care of Argo. Unsaddling the large horse had been a bit daunting, seeing Gabrielle's lack of height. And for a moment, it felt as if the animal and bard were actually getting along.
That was until Xena reappeared. Gabrielle hadn't heard her calling. And the fact it hampered Xena's pursuit of the latest bad guy. Once again, Gabrielle had meant well. But, as Xena had said, she needed to improve.
Or was it Xena needed to realize this was all new to Gabrielle? That she was learning as readily as she could. That she had her place. If only Xena could see her for more than a mere child and trust in her.
Once again, Gabrielle found herself on the side of the road, as it were. Xena was off on her own to capture a bad guy. If only Xena trusted the bard more. Or taught her some minor defensive skills, besides running that is.
The chanting caught her attention. Gabrielle was able to study the works each village they visited contained. Most weren't much because most small villages couldn't afford to sustain a library or book shop. Sad, really.
Gabrielle hadn't meant to be rude, but it was a simple mistake the young girl was making. The studying had paid off as the unthinkable happened. Gabrielle found herself in control of The Titans.
Even though it was really The Titan who had helped Xena, it had felt so good to be the one who, in a way, saved the warrior princess. Gabrielle was beginning to enjoy the power that came with having them do her will.
Being the one to say no harm was something new to Gabrielle. It was quite intoxicating indeed. Of course, the bard was brought back to the known world for a moment. The Titan just had to call her the virgin goddess.
The look Xena had on her face at the mention of her being a virgin…Gabrielle was more embarrassed with the fact her best friend knew, rather than all the strangers surrounding them.
Giving orders to The Titans came far too easily. And felt far too good. If Gabrielle took the time to think about it, wasn't this the road Xena had taken not that long ago? Yes, it was grief and revenge that had started her down the road.
But it had also been power. The story of Xena was her wanting to supposedly make Amphipolis safe. Use money and her army to make those fear her home village. But it had quickly gone beyond that.
The tone of voice was crystal clear. Xena was not approving of what Gabrielle was doing. For once, it was Gabrielle who could save the day. For once, it was Gabrielle in control.
Never before had Gabrielle been given gifts like she was. It was another dose to the high she was already on. And it was stroking her ego. Something that had never happened. And something she was beginning to become addicted to.
After all, her father had never appreciated her gifts. Gabrielle was beginning to wonder if Xena would ever appreciate all she was and what she could do for the warrior princess.
And when faced with the fact Gabrielle could be usurping her power…It was easy to deny. And difficult for her to see for herself. And the way Xena also tried to tell her about how one of The Titans was beginning to see her for who she was…
And when faced with the truth, that the Gods encased The Titans the way they had…The power she had? Gabrielle knew exactly what power she had. And she would continue to use it.
The first stumbling block in her ruse to make The Titans believe she was a goddess was food. Gabrielle had to think quick on her feet so that she could, hopefully, maintain the control and power she had.
And just like that, Gabrielle was on the ground. Xena had to, as always, step in and defend her. Unfortunately, it also placed the villagers in danger. They managed to get nearly everyone to the safety of the temple. But it wouldn't hold off The Titans for long.
It was easy to defend Phyleus. Gabrielle, had she known what she was doing, would have done the same thing. If there was a way to make village life easier, the bard wouldn't have hesitated. Without thought, she would have called upon The Titans as well.
Would she have made the same mistake? Would Gabrielle have been able to resist the power? She'd like to think so. But her next thoughts were about how to make it right. As Xena went after the children, it was all Gabrielle could think of.
Tied up again. It wasn't unusual. It seemed Gabrielle was under someone's lock and key. Mostly as bait so that Xena would come to the rescue. Though it did surprise her a tad, Gabrielle had to say that it didn't.
While tied up, Gabrielle and Phyleus had come up with an idea. It was mostly Phyleus as he knew more about the ancient texts than the bard. It was a simple solution. And only Gabrielle would be in danger.
Why wouldn't Xena allow it? Was it the fact she was ordinary? Just like their encounter with Ares, why was it so difficult for Xena to trust Gabrielle could do as she said and not be harmed?
It was all Gabrielle could talk about as they attempted to gain some sleep. When morning came, she found herself snuggled close to Phyleus. While there was a part of her curious what it would be like to kiss him, if not more, she couldn't bring herself to do something so…
But Xena thought she had. Gabrielle was angry. Why was it so difficult for Xena to see how far she'd come? That she wasn't just a kid? Well, she wasn't going to allow Xena to continue to dictate what she did.
And before she could even attempt to rectify her mistake, Gabrielle found herself in the clutches of The Titans once again. There was only one thing she could do. That was become the bard she was becoming known for.
It was easy to fool The Titans. At first by reading it incorrectly. And then to make them think that she was no longer the virgin who summoned them. And yet, it caused her great danger as she was no longer in a position to give The Titans what they wanted.
Just when Gabrielle thought she was done for, Xena appeared. It was a struggle, and if Theia had not helped, they might not have defeated The Titans. But once again, they made certain the greater good was restored.
Retelling the story was…different. Gabrielle was as much of the reason things had worked out for the better. Of course, she had been the reason things had become out of hand. But the last omission. Was it actually true?
Luckily, Xena interrupted once again. And asked the question that plagued the bard. It was easy to answer. Gabrielle had to make it up to Xena. Fix the mistake she had made. Especially to make certain she wasn't hated.
Everything went right out the door the moment Xena said those words. She could never hate Gabrielle. Yes, there were the other things. Jokes they shared. And of course the warning not to touch Argo.
But Xena had said what the bard already knew. That she could never hate Gabrielle. And it was what she would hold onto. When things looked bleak. When things are at their worst. Gabrielle would remember that she could never be hated.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Just when things looked like they would start out boring, Xena sensed something. She wouldn't need Argo, but she would need to keep Gabrielle busy. And she could maybe get bard and horse to get along a little better.
The usual banter as Xena attempted to take yet another of her former cohorts into custody. As with their latest adventure, she couldn't help thinking how, in a way, she should be the one to be hunted.
Just when she thought she had him, Xena's whistle went unanswered. Something was wrong. Argo would never disobey her. It was as she'd feared. It was because of Gabrielle. Her intentions might have been in the right place, it allowed Hesiod a huge head start.
Xena hadn't meant to be so harsh on her bard. It was allowing someone to get the better of her that was oh so annoying. Still, Gabrielle did need to learn. Timing was everything.
Like when to walk into a bar. And when to confront the bad seed. Make them think they had the upper hand. It was oh so easy. Even when she was suddenly outnumbered, there was no doubt she would prevail. For even though it was only one man, he was the worst of the worst.
And then there was Gabrielle. Xena was having trouble wrapping her mind around how easily her bard was ordering around The Titans. The beings of legends. And yet, she knew they existed at one time. Just as the Gods did now.
Xena couldn't maintain her composure. It was only briefly, but the smirk was there. Why discovering Gabrielle was a virgin caused the warm sensation throughout her body…It made it difficult to concentrate on the problem at hand.
It was Hesiod, though he still had to be dealt with. It was Gabrielle's glib explanation. It was how she was already allowing the power The Titans granted her to go to her head. It was a dangerous slippery slope. One Xena had already attempted to tread and had fallen deeply.
Even when attempting to show how easily the power was getting to Gabrielle and how devious The Titans most likely were, the bard just didn't get it. It was frustrating Xena not being able to show her traveling companion what she had learned the hard way.
The aura of a goddess? Xena wanted to be ill. It was obvious this was Gabrielle's man of the adventure. Not that she could blame these men for falling for the bard. Xena certainly was falling for her companion. Falling?
Once again, Xena had a knack for appearing at the right moment. This time, it was when Gabrielle was discovered to be a fraud. Or at the very least, no goddess. It was easy to be her bard's protector. She would be that, if Gabrielle allowed, for as long as she allowed.
Unfortunately, there were too many for Xena to protect from the likes of three Titans. They needed to get everyone to safety. Luckily, Phyleus was at least good for one thing. He knew a safe place for them to hide out in.
It was easy to fall into medic mode. It distracted Xena and yet allowed her to think. The fact The Titans wanted her was a good thing. It meant the others were safe, at least for a short time. Still, it was Gabrielle she was worried about.
More so because Hesiod would do anything to escape her grasp and the forthcoming punishment. He would be stupid enough to attempt to appease The Titans. Anything for a profit and to better himself.
For now, there was something more pressing. Xena had to find the children. They were innocents. The only problem? It left Hesiod alone. Especially alone since Gabrielle would most likely find a way to get into trouble.
It was easier than Xena had thought to rescue the children. And the surprise that awaited her when she returned shouldn't have surprised her. Whether criminal or villager, fear was a great motivator.
It was clumsy at best attempting to present Xena the way they did. The warrior princess had escaped worse prisons. And she would continue to. Now, to get back to Gabrielle and the rest of the villagers.
As always, it took seeing what kind of payment one would receive for aligning themselves with The Titans. Just a stain. At least there was one less for Xena to track down and make certain justice was served.
Volunteering to work as one was necessary. It would take all of them working as one before The Titans could be defeated. Even then, working against anyone with the power The Titans possessed it might not be enough.
Rest was what everyone needed. But there would be little time for that. Hopefully Gabrielle would manage some rest. But before that, Xena had to attempt to explain why. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to tell her bard it would be too dangerous. That she couldn't face losing Gabrielle.
Seeing Gabrielle snuggled so closely to Phyleus, Xena nearly lost it. Her first thought was…She'd lost her bard. That someone else had…What? Xena had no right to Gabrielle, other than friendship and traveling companion.
A kid? No, it wasn't that Xena thought Gabrielle was a child. Not anymore. Not only because they bathed with each other every night and Xena could see her bard was no longer a child.
While Gabrielle may have a great deal to learn about life and dealing with others, she was no longer a child. Naïve, yes. Trusting, yes. But no longer the little girl who blindly followed her and rescued her.
And yet, Gabrielle would do something stupid to prove herself to Xena. The warrior princess sighed as she quickly processed her options. Move quickly and hope Gabrielle could do what she did best, which was to talk.
As they set up, Xena could hear Gabrielle. She was indeed stalling. But there would only so much one bard could do, even if she was as amazing as Gabrielle. And the last bit of stalling…Had her bard actually given up her innocence? It stung more than the warrior princess would care to admit.
Xena had to place her relief aside at hearing her bard had intentionally read the scroll incorrectly. There was still so much that had to be done. They would have to work as one to defeat The Titans.
Once Xena had the scroll, it was only a matter of time. But of course it was never easy. There had to be a piece missing. And Hyerion had broken free of his restraints. But in the end, working together, they finally defeated The Titans.
To make up for what she had done? So that Xena wouldn't hate her bard? The warrior princess could never hate Gabrielle. She might not like the choices she made. Or the people she was friends with.
But Xena could never hate her bard. It was true Gabrielle had made mistakes over the years. It was true Gabrielle needed to learn. But as Xena informed her, they would always be friends. And of course, never to touch her horse again.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Xena had avoided speaking to her charge. Their travel away from the village had been in silence. A rarity for Gabrielle. The evening ritual had also been performed in virtual silence. There had been so many times when the warrior princess had wanted to say something.
But speaking wasn't her strength, especially when she knew Gabrielle was so upset still. The only other problem was what was bothering her bard the most. Was it another lost potential love?
Or was because of how Xena had treated her? The warrior princess still regretted how harshly she had spoken to her bard. She had been caught up in the moment, unable to express her fears. Her need to protect Gabrielle.
Those questions, and more, had kept the warrior princess up the entire night. It was a good thing Xena could function on little to no sleep. Still, she couldn't keep functioning this way. She would have to bite the chakram and speak to her traveling companion.
It would have to wait until after she had finished the morning hunt. While they had replenished their supplies in the last village, it didn't mean Xena had to stop hunting for their morning and evening meal.
Plus, the way her bard could eat at times, Xena wanted to make certain their supplies lasted as long as possible. The rustling in the bushes informed the warrior princess she wasn't alone. But was it prey? Or was it a certain bard?
"Come out." Xena still held her arrow at the ready. Even though she was nearly a hundred percent certain it was her bard. Sure enough, Gabrielle slowly emerged from behind the bushes. "You should know better than to follow me."
"I guess I'll just have to improve." Gabrielle blinked several times, before she ran into the thick forest. It was in the wrong direction. Xena sighed. She'd give the bard a head start, before finally facing what it was that needed facing.
It wasn't too long Xena waited. Gabrielle was where she expected to find her. There was something about the water her bard loved. Not that Xena could blame her. Swimming and fishing were the only times the warrior princess felt…
Almost like a child once again. Xena made certain to make noise. If Gabrielle wanted to run, she wanted to give the bard a head start. Slowly, the warrior princess made her way to the small pond.
It was barely deep enough to wade in, yet Gabrielle was making herself at home. And it caused Xena to swallow. It truly was the most difficult thing about all of this. There was no way the warrior princess could see her bard as the little girl who she had saved in a clearing.
"We need to talk." Xena felt like they were having this discussion after every adventure. It wasn't something she enjoyed. And yet, she knew Gabrielle benefited from them. She did as well. She hated admitting it, though.
Gabrielle reluctantly looked at her warrior princess. There had been so many things she had wanted to say. Why had she been so…crabby? She sighed heavily as she knew Xena was right. Yet another talk was in order.
The bard stood, the water cascading down her legs. It shown brightly with the early morning sun now peaking over the horizon. It was cool this morning and the sun felt amazing on Gabrielle's skin.
It went unnoticed by Gabrielle how her appearance had affected the warrior princess. "Then let's get started. But could we do it over a meal. I'm starving." Levity. It was something the bard wasn't exactly known for.
"When aren't you." Xena knew exactly what her friend was attempting to do. For now, she would allow the humor. She would allow the deflection. But once they were back at camp, they would need to have a serious discussion.
Since Xena hadn't had any luck with the hunt, it was Gabrielle who made do with some of their rations. The warrior princess had come to appreciate the cooking skills her traveling companion had. And since it was not one of her many skills, it was a good thing.
"I'm sorry." Gabrielle nearly dropped her plate when Xena's voice permeated the calm of the morning. "I was upset. I don't like when people get away. When I lose." It wasn't what this was about, but it was a start.
Gabrielle could have accepted the apology, which she knew wasn't easy for the warrior princess. But she could not allow for things to go unsaid. If they started to bury things, not be completely honest, it would fester.
And one day, it would boil to the surface. Gabrielle only hoped she would remember this down the road. What they were facing now wasn't simple. But it could be rectified. If only they were to communicate with each other.
"I appreciate the apology." Gabrielle stood slowly. She made her way toward the fire. It was not because she was cold, though she was unlike her warrior princess. "And I do intend to keep learning. So I'm sorry as well."
Xena sighed internally. She knew Gabrielle would allow the conversation to end. Not that they couldn't discover other things to speak about. But it wouldn't be what was needed so that they could continue to grow closer.
Was it what Xena wanted when she reacted so angrily to seeing Gabrielle in bed with another? Wasn't it dangerous for their feelings to continue to grow? After all, the warrior was known for her temper. And yet, was learning to control that anger, fearful of a volcano erupting.
Like when Gabrielle had not had Argo ready. Like when fear overtook her and Xena didn't react as well as she could have when her bard had offered to be the one to put The Titans back in place. Like when she had seen Gabrielle in bed.
That had nearly been the volcano erupting. If it hadn't been for the innocent villagers, Xena might have done something she regretted. As she regretted many acts from her Destroyer of Nations days.
"You have nothing to apologize for." Xena hesitantly rose. She cautiously made her way to her bard. Cautiously, the warrior princess placed her hand on Gabrielle's shoulder. "I, however, have something that needs saying."
There was no reaction on Gabrielle's part. Xena wondered if her bard was bracing herself. "I was harsh when I reacted to your desire to attempt to help in defeating The Titans. It was…uncalled for."
Gabrielle turned. In the process, Xena's hand was knocked from her shoulder. It left her with an empty feeling. Strange seeing her warrior princess remained standing so close. "You were worried about me. I get it. Just like against Ares."
"It's not exactly the same." Xena had to word things carefully. This was dangerous territory. For the both of them. "I knew, most likely, that I could trick Ares. And if you were there, he'd only use you against me."
The bard smiled sweetly before staring into the fire. "Always looking out for me. And yet, I always seem to be getting into trouble. Captured and put in jail. Kidnapped and nearly sacrificed to Morpheus."
"Gabrielle…" Xena understood better why it was her bard had attempted to make things right. Already, the warrior princess had saved her traveling companion on numerous occasions. It was how they had met.
"No, Xena. I get it. I'm always getting myself into trouble. And even after I was the one that raised The Titans, you attempted to shield me from the consequences." Gabrielle took a breath, knowing Xena would object.
"And I was feeling guilty. I needed to make right what I had, with all good intentions, but was acting out of guilt rather than thinking things through." Gabrielle didn't know if Xena would fully understand. Though she knew Xena carried her own guilt and regrets.
"Something I know nothing about." The statement elicited a less than hearty chuckle from Gabrielle. "We both didn't handle that part very well. And both need to improve." Finally, a genuine laugh.
"There is something else we need to discuss." And finally, the most difficult thing for Xena to find the right words. "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. I had no right, whether or not you'd made a choice, to react that way."
"Xena!" Gabrielle wanted to slap her warrior princess. "No right? We've been traveling together for how long now. We only have each other to rely on." There was a disgruntled neighing.
"How could I forget you, Argo." Argo's head nodded up and down, as did stomping of her front right hoof. Gabrielle smirked. She hoped she and Argo had come to an understanding. Or would there be more they had to endure before they became friends.
"If I do or say something, it affects you." Gabrielle made certain she had eye contact with her warrior princess. "So if I had made a choice, whether right or wrong, you have every right to react. Even be angry."
Azure eyes blinked several times. This was it. It was another time in their travels where Xena could merely agree with her bard. Allow Gabrielle to believe that was what had happened. Why the warrior princess had become so upset.
"And what I say or do affects you." Xena took a deep, cleansing breath. "Or if I become upset because I was jealous." Startled emerald eyes bore into cobalt eyes. "I guess I was hoping you wouldn't make the same mistakes I did."
Gabrielle was puzzled. Jealous? Mistakes? She turned from her friend. Not because she couldn't handle the coldness in those azure eyes. By now, the bard understood it was a wall. A masking of Xena's true feelings.
The way Xena was shifting, the bard knew her friend didn't want to elaborate. And then it hit Gabrielle. "You mean thinking before…" How to put it? "Giving into physical pleasure, especially under extreme circumstances?"
Once again, Xena knew it was only partially what she was feeling towards the situation. But to be completely honest? There was no way she would admit to Gabrielle she had been jealous that anyone had touched her.
Whether it was a kiss, holding hands, snuggling in bed or…Xena couldn't bear the thought of Gabrielle losing her innocence. As much as she hated lying or withholding anything from her bard, she knew this time she must.
At least for the foreseeable future. "My first experience wasn't all that pleasant." Xena remembered. Some thought it was her fiancé who had taken her innocence. That had not happened until Cortese had taken her.
It was another reason why Xena would continue to seek out the warlord. Hopefully she would have learned to curb her violent tendencies and make certain Cortese paid for his crimes. And in a legal manner, unlike when Xena had been put on trial.
"It's made my encounters of the flesh…" Xena didn't know how they had managed upon this discussion. It was becoming too close to the real reason she had been so angry. So jealous.
"Let's just say that I'm now very particular who I share my bedroll with." Xena swallowed hard. Those words could be taken in many ways. One was how often already, she and Gabrielle had technically shared a bedroll.
"I think I understand. I mean, I've never been in a position to be forced…" Gabrielle saw the inflamed azure eyes and decided it was time to change the subject. "You don't have to worry about me. I always promised my mother I would wait until I was married."
It took a moment for Xena to focus on her bard once again. Gabrielle was so innocent and naïve. It was so enduring. So intoxicating. The warrior princess shook her head. "Not like there aren't any temples along the way."
Gabrielle once again allowed a chuckle to escape her. It was a way of releasing the tension. And yet, she sensed Xena hadn't been completely honest with her. It was her warrior princess' prerogative.
As Gabrielle finally did what was expected of her, which was to clean up and help break camp, she wondered what was next for them. What would the adventure lead to as far as discussion?
Xena managed to watch her bard as she continued to ready them for travel. Argo was ready to go, as was the warrior princess. Xena wondered how long she would be able to continue to hide her feelings.