"Okay... Takagi."
Nishikata's last words repeated over and over in Takagi's mind. He had just managed to drop her honorific, which was huge for her normally squirmish, self-conscious crush.
As they sat on the log-bench by the waterfall, feet away from the lake shore and even closer to each other, her thoughts were racing. Nishikata had been acting even more thoughtful, charming, and cute than usual on their hiking outing, and that was dangerous. He didn't see her the same way, so she could only barely hold back a reaction.
She snuck a glance at him and found him glancing back at her, and her heart throbbed. They had already eaten and were now just sitting together, completely alone, completely silent. What was he thinking? What were they doing? Should she suggest they go walk around a bit instead, or bring up a new conversation topic? Or maybe a challenge?
But wasn't this situation... more than friendly?
Takagi knew she was falling for it but was losing motivation. Nishikata was too much; this is why she avoided extended time with him. But here he was, sending all kinds of signals that she could barely resist! Takagi didn't dare look at him, afraid that she might do something she might regret otherwise.
As the two halves of her brain warred with one another, friendly reality against romantic fantasy, she noticed him scoot towards her. A minute later, he did it again, making her heart beat faster and faster in anticipation. Takagi had to grip the cold, weathered edges of the log seat to keep her composure.
I can't fall for it, it's all in my head like it's always been. This is a trap, resist! He doesn't like me. He doesn't like me. He doesn-
Nishikata's hand slowly drifted down onto the soft log seat, a few long inches from hers. Takagi's willpower drifted away with it. Her fingers began to tremble, and she couldn't tear her gaze away from his hand, staring out of the corner of her eyes.
A few seconds later, his hand moved an inch closer. Then again. And then again.
They hadn't talked in at least five minutes.
Then finally, the boy took a deep breath. and scooted towards her one last time closing the gap between them completely. Not only was the edge of Takagi's pinky bordering his—their entire arms were now touching.
And Nishikata had done it.
Takagi's heart was going a million miles a minute as she stared into the intense void of white in the waterfall, hyper-concentrated on the pressure of Nishikata's shoulder, arm, and palm against hers. She could hardly believe what Nishikata was doing. Had she actually been wrong this whole time, maybe she somehow didn't notice Nishikata's sudden interest in her? She hadn't done any of this, yet here they were, zero centimeters apart. Was he really about to hold her hand, was this actually a romantic date?!
"Takagi, I," Nishikata spoke, his face entirely hidden but his red ears giving him away, "I- uh,"
"Yes?" Takagi asked, finally turning back to look at him again and noticing how close their faces were. That flame inside her had grown and grown, totally overpowering any other reason. She could practically feel his heartbeat matching hers. She yearned for this.
He turned back to her, taking her in, and his blush deepened. "I, um, I.. I….
He's nervous, why is he so nervous?!
"I like-"
Did he just say 'like'?!
"I, uhh…" He trailed off, mouth half open.
"Mhm?"
He broke eye contact and slowly turned away again. She waited, as still as possible.
"You can tell me," she breathed inaudibly.
Hoping.
…
Nishikata let out a shaky sigh. "I-I like… ... someone," he muttered. "Er.. something!"
…
"...You like what?"
Nishikata's eyes skirted back over to hers for a split second, wide open. "I-I! I didn't- that was an acc- I m-mean…"
His stuttering slowly trailed off and he dropped his head as if in defeat.
Huh?
Nishikata moved his hands into his lap and let out another sigh, leaning back against a tree trunk behind them. "By something... I guess it's someone that I like like, if you know what I mean, but—but I just can't for the life of me figure out if she likes me back and don't want to... mess things up…"
I already knew this wasn't real.
"-And w-we're friends, and you used to tease me about this stuff all the time, so…"
I'm such an idiot for getting my hopes up.
"...so that's why I'm asking, yeah. … How can you tell if someone likes you?"
I knew this wasn't really a date and I still let my guard down. Why do I always fall for this? Why can't I just learn to move on and-
Takagi paused in her thoughts, realizing that Nishikata was awaiting her response. Her hands had balled up into fists, so she quickly folded her arms to hide them, then conjured up the most incredibly forced and twisted smile of support that she had ever mustered.
"Who's the lucky girl?" she asked, trying and failing to quell the curtness in her voice. She had to know her competition.
Nishikata took at least ten seconds to answer, trying to hide his face even more completely within his hands. Of course he was embarrassed.
"I—I'm too embarrassed to say," he finally squeaked, confirming her thoughts. Takagi was surprised that he would even entrust her with such as confession at all, given all the teasing she used to do. She had never meant for him to finally mention things to her about other girls.
"But she's sweet, and nice, and cute and- and-"
It was all becoming crystal clear what had happened. Takagi had wanted to show Nishikata that she was a friend, pushing nothing more, in order to not scare him away for good. And what more convincing evidence did she have than this to confirm that she had succeeded? But she had gone too far. Takagi had apparently become such good 'friends' with Nishikata that he had grown comfortable imparting anything on her to get her support.
"And I-I want to tell her that I like her, but, but-"
This is my own fault. Too much pressure, then too little. Takagi didn't even feel like crying; she had done that plenty of times before, and it wasn't as if him not liking her came as a shock. Apparently, she was more like a twin sister than a love interest. She stamped the back of her shoe into the earth involuntarily, digging it deep into the earth.
Nishikata was staring back at her with pleading eyes, unable to complete his thought. And even with all of the daggers that he had unknowingly just stabbed into her heart, she still felt compassion for him. He had always been further behind in romance than she, and it could be a scary experience every step of the way.
I can keep being his friend, Takagi began to quickly formulate, Be there however he needs me. Cheer him on from the sidelines, and wait for if he's ever ready for my true feelings… My feelings…
She cleared her throat, trying to contain her emotion. "Well, if a girl likes you… I guess she'd try to hang out with you, to be interested in what you do, try to look cute for you…"
Takagi was just listing out what she did, what she used to do. What she wanted to do. Her eye twitched. "She'd find whatever excuse to be around you, she wouldn't be interested in other guys, you might catch her staring at you, she might hint at it… she might tease you."
That last one had slipped out and was maybe too obvious even by Nishikata standards, but what did it matter now? It was hard to keep her voice from quivering; why was she even helping?
"You know a lot…" Nishikata commented softly, still looking very troubled. "D-Do you like anyone?"
Yes! You! How can I say that now?! Why couldn't he have asked that question even 10 minutes earlier? Hadn't any of her hints ever gotten through to him? She could feel intense frustration beginning to boil up deep within.
But she was taking too long to answer, despite having teasingly admitted she had a crush several times before. Takagi gave one tiny nod. His eyebrows furrowed together slightly. Had she been wrong this whole time by holding back the very actions she was telling him?
"How long?" she blurted out.
"..I mean, how long have you liked this other girl?"
Nishikata scratched his head, his blush ever-present. "A month.. or maybe three," came his whispered response.
How had Takagi not noticed?! Well, that much was obvious; it was because she had been avoiding him too much. She had been so focused on policing her own actions that she had failed to consider that he could change too!
"W-what about you?" he asked quietly.
Stay calm, Takagi repeated to herself for entirely new reasons, now looking back into the waterfall lifelessly. She really needed to unclench her hidden fists.
"A long time." she replied shortly, noticing how the bits of sunshine that had pierced through the clouds and waterfall earlier were now gone. There were so many things wrong with this situation. Takagi didn't want this.
"... Like.. how long?" Nishikata prodded.
Takagi stood up stiffly, wishing she could be anywhere but here. Why did he care about this? "A lot more than three months," she responded tersely, her frustration beginning to seep through.
He let out a gasp as she walked several steps forward to the shore. How could Takagi just help him fall in love with someone else? She spotted a good-sized rock by her shoe and picked it up, then hurled it as hard as she could at the crashing water. It disappeared into the white mist without a sound.
She picked up another and threw it too. This one was bigger and didn't quite make it to the falls before it splashed. Takagi threw a third rock then scanned the ground furiously for another one, or anything she could throw.
"Are-are you okay?" Nishikata asked from behind, his voice especially distant from the overpowering roar of the water.
"You really shouldn't call this a date." Another throw, another splash.
"What do you me-"
"The girl you like will get the wrong idea."
Takagi ground her foot into the cracked dirt again, out of things to throw. Yeah, there was no freaking way she was helping Nishikata with this other girl, even if he was concerned and coming to her for help.
"...I think I already gave her the wrong id-"
Takagi spun on him, stopping him short. "Why are we even here?" she practically seethed, sending him back a few steps even from their distance. As she watched his already shocked face grow deeper, she knew she was being unfair, but her anger was overpowering.
"...Didn't you want to see this waterfall?"
"That's not what I mean."
He shrunk back further.
"I-I wanted to cheer you up since, you know, your grandma…"
Takagi bit down on her tongue hard, finally releasing her fists. She was being way too mean.
"I'm sorry, I do appreciate it," she said tiredly, taking a careful step back towards him. "You're right, I just, I feel… I feel so…"
The regret for lashing out was already boiling away into anger anew.
"I feel stressed about my grandma, that's all."
What a pathetic lie.
"I know. I-I didn't mean to derail the-"
"Don't worry about it." Takagi cut him off, wanting no reminders about his request about girl problems. She knew she should feel bad, but frankly there was absolutely zero chance Takagi could help him there. Her heartbeat was fast and erratic, her whole upper half feeling hot in a completely unfamiliar way. She wanted to pull her hair out, how could she live with him swooning over some ditzy schoolgirl?!
She had to get away for a few moments, or else she would lash out again. Takagi turned left and started walking rapidly to the side, giving her head a good shake and willing her heart rate to go down. Just give me a minute alone, she thought quickly, pressing her hands to her head and trying to clear her mind, Then I can come up with an excuse, flip on my fake friendly switch again and get down this stupid mountain, and then I'll figure o-
"Ta-Takagi—!"
A snap came from below, and Takagi's eyes shot down to see a thick root just above her left foot. She dug her feet into the ground frantically to stop, but it was too late. Her shin pummeled into the root, twisting her ankle and sending her crashing down into the shore.
Frigid ice water engulfed her arms and chest with a shock. Takagi cried out as it lapped at her face, pain shooting up her ankle at the same time. Her quickly numbing right hand found the muddy ground and she pushed herself back up onto her knees, which a few inches of freezing water also swirled around.
I-I fell in!
Takagi felt hands swoop in under her sopping jacket arms and begin lifting her further. Despite the shock coursing through her, she managed to get to her feet and take a faltering step back onto dry ground.
Nishikata was gawking at her, still holding her up. "Takagi, are you okay!? I-I kept calling! I tried to grab you… Oh no…"
The cold water had soaked through her pants and sweatshirt even after just a few seconds and was already making her shiver uncontrollably. Takagi unzipped her sweatshirt and pulled it off, using the mostly dry back to wipe off her red, dripping face. She couldn't believe she had actually just carelessly fallen in, and right in front of him. She had never felt more humiliated in her life, and jerked away from him to turn and hide.
"Are you hurt?" came his voice.
"I'm f-f-f-fine," Takagi replied back faintly, taking a step away and feeling her twisted ankle spasm with a bout of pain. She gritted her now chattering teeth, hoping he wouldn't notice.
"You're not fine, I didn't get to y-"
"Really, I'm okay, I d-didn't g-get that wet," she lied, not sure if her cheeks were redder from the cold or from shame. "You shouldn't worry about me s-so much. We can just g-go down the mountain, I'm f-fine." A drop of water dripped from her shirt onto her waterlogged shoe. This was actually the worst day ever.
"But I didn't catch you," Nishikata repeated behind her. He suddenly swung around and gripped her shoulders tightly, looking panicked. "I caught you when we were skipping stones, but today I just couldn't do anything! Why do I always fail at everything!?"
He actually remembered that? Takagi couldn't help but blush more at his closeness, but she would never fall for it again—she had to kill the butterflies. She pushed him aside and began walking back to retrieve their bags. "It's m-my fault, not yours," Takagi responded exhaustedly, trying to wring out the front of her sweatshirt, "you d-didn't do anyth-thing."
"And that's the problem!" he shouted back, sounding upset, "I never do anything!"
Takagi reached the bench and slid on her backpack, its straps flattening her cold shirt back up against her chest. She had definitely gone a tiny bit into shock from the sudden coldness and let out a sneeze.
"You're f-f-fine, N-Nishikata," she repeated, "let's j-just go home."