Nishikata stood shivering at his crush's front door, no longer phased by giving the doorbell a ring. In fact, after his humongous failure several days prior plus learning that Takagi's crush was serious, he couldn't afford to be phased anymore. Hesitating had already cost him dearly and was a major reason he was standing right here anyway. Frankly, he would have felt too bad to come at all if Tanabe sensei hadn't asked him to deliver Takagi's homework and test results.
The door swung open to reveal Takagi's mother in a thick sweater. "Hi there Nishikata, we've been expecting you!" she said warmly, quickly ushering the boy inside and shutting the door to keep the frigid air out.
Nishikata followed Mrs. Takagi back into the kitchen, where several pieces of paper with graphs and small words lay strewn across the table. "Sorry about the mess," she said hastily, rushing to pick up the papers to give him a place to sit, "I'm just trying to solve a puzzle in the stock market and needed the extra space. There've been some odd fluctuations in the soybean sector this week and we're trying to figure out the best way to take advantage of it… but you're here to see my daughter, not me."
She chuckled to herself and shook her head. "No, no, it sounds interesting!" Nishikata replied, relieved that she didn't seem upset from him failing to take care of her daughter. "It was, um, soybeans? Do you buy them in cans?"
Mrs. Takagi laughed again, shaking her head. She looked and sounded just like Takagi. "You're very polite. Unfortunately, Takagi is still resting for a bit longer. You can wait here, or the TV is in the living room."
"...No, this looks cool," Nishikata said, settling into a chair. Brownie points with her mom seemed like a good idea, and maybe conversation could distract him from feeling upset.
A few minutes later, Nishikata was receiving an impromptu lesson on how to predict the stock market. Most of it went over his head, but it becoming clear how Takagi always earned way higher marks than him on their exams.
"Does Takagi ever look at these funds with you?" Nishikata asked, knowing she could if she wanted to.
"Well, she definitely could if she set her mind to it," her mother replied, matching his thoughts, "But she's far too interested in… other things." She smiled at him again, making Nishikata blush. "...Like books, giving away half of my groceries to her favorite people, and crocheting, for example."
While he didn't really understand her, something about her whimsical tone felt awfully familiar.
"...How are you two doing, anyway?" Mrs. Takagi continued.
"-I, uh, what do you mean?" Nishikata felt squirmish even though he didn't fully understand the question.
She took a few seconds to respond. "Well, after your date the other day, I… I was just wondering… well, I'm not making any sense, am I."
"Oh… it wasn't a date, ma'am, we were just hanging out," Nishikata corrected quietly, wishing it hadn't been received that way. Mrs. Takagi continued to smile at him, holding her papers in her hands and straightening them against the tabletop.
"No need to 'ma'am' me," she replied back with a chuckle. She then grew serious, pursing her lips. "Is she happy at school, then? I know my Takagi has a bad cold right now, but even before, I still…"
So her mom had noticed it too, go figure. Takagi was definitely going through something, and Nishikata wasn't sure if it was just her grandma's health. She had barely even talked with him since the hike, not even at school before she got sick. Nishikata really wanted to find out without royally screwing up again or pressuring her, to lift her spirits. But today probably wasn't the day.
A smartphone buzzed on the table and Mrs. Takagi quickly picked it up, taking a few steps away and muttering into the speaker. She glanced outside at the afternoon rays of sun and began tapping her foot. A few moments later, she gave a final nod and ended the call, turning back to Nishikata.
"I'm sorry Nishikata, but I have to go into the office to take care of something, and the exchange is only open for two more hours so it's rather urgent. You can leave Takagi's homework on the table, unless you want to wait a bit longer?"
Nishikata was about to reply when she glanced at her watch and gasped. "Shoot, the medicine. Nishikata, would you make sure Takagi takes her cold medicine in fifteen minutes? It's on the counter, she just needs a tablespoon."
"No problem," he replied with a smile, "I'll take care of her." Nishikata suddenly felt self-conscious and shrunk back, but Mrs. Takagi gave him the widest smile yet and patted his shoulder.
"I know you will. Thank you."
A few minutes later, Takagi's mother had driven away, leaving Nishikata alone in the kitchen to examine the little bottle of cold medicine. He let the liquid slosh from end to end, listening to the sounds it made softly in the otherwise silent home. Why she couldn't just take this herself, he wasn't sure, but it wasn't a bother. There were just a few minutes until he needed to take them upstairs, but it was enough for his mind to wander back to her.
Maybe Takagi did know what Nishikata had been was doing on the hike the last week. She was far more keen than Nishikata after all - if he had been pulling his moves under the guise of some game, she would have beaten him before he lifted a finger.
But if she did know, she hadn't reacted very much. While Takagi didn't tease him as often now, it seemed she hadn't even noticed his embarrassment, nor his futile attempts to do date-like things. And then he had upset her at the end. It didn't make much sense.
Worse, Nishikata had ultimately acted in his own interests. When he should have been focused on her feelings, trying to figure out what was making her upset, he had quickly pivoted to just pushing through his own stupid embarrassment to make himself seem more like boyfriend material. He had thought that maybe, just maybe, Takagi returned some of his feelings, but her lack of response was making it seem more likely that he was just imagining things.
And why oh why had he told her that he liked someone else?! Talk about completely undoing any signals that might have reached her! Nishikata had been over this so many times and knew it was partially due to Takagi's lack of response—perhaps she recognized it but didn't wasn't interested in the same way, and that was her way of telling him. But it was more out of panic after probably jumping a little too far ahead of himself.
Either way, it was unbearable. Why did all this feelings stuff have to be so complicated?
Nishikata sighed, stood up, and headed up the stairs that Mrs. Takagi had pointed out. Seeing Takagi's room for the first time should have been more anxiety-inducing, but learning that she liked someone else had put a damper on everything.
He stopped at the first door to the right. Should he knock, or would that wake her? What side of the room would her bed be on? Would her room be like Kyunko's from 100% Unrequited Love? Wait, was he being creepy?
He shook his head. No, Takagi needed to take her medicine and Nishikata was just delivering it, simple as that. Nishikata took a deep breath and cracked open the door, peeking inside.
It was a warm, medium-sized pink bedroom with a white dresser in one corner and a bed in the other. Something was huddled below a few layers of minty green blankets, and from the mess of familiar brown hair at the top, it had to be Takagi. She didn't stir as he stepped inside; maybe she really was asleep.
"Takagi-san– er, Takagi?" he called out softly. No response. Nishikata glanced around the room which was dimly lit by a white lamp on her nightstand; there was a desk closer to her door and a few other shelves housing various books and the occasional stuffed animal. Simple, but—what was the word—elegant? Cute? Very Takagi-like, for sure.
Nishikata felt very out-of-place as he stepped into the room. Was this really okay? He slowly approached Takagi's bed, then peered over to see her turned face. Sure enough, she was fast asleep on her side and completely expressionless.
Even with her disheveled hair and pajamas, Takagi was as pretty as ever. Why had it taken him so long to admit that? Nishikata almost didn't want to wake her, as she looked so peaceful, but if she didn't take her medicine she would be worse off later.
"Takagi," Nishikata whispered, lightly prodding her shoulder. Still no response.
"Hey, Takagi," he spoke a little louder, carefully shaking her shoulder. But she remained motionless.
Nishikata was suddenly feeling rather powerful. You know, I could pull a pretty sick prank on her right now, he began thinking childishly, glancing around the room for ideas. It's not like she's never pranked me before, and she'd always poke at my weak spots too. On her nightstand under her phone was a notebook, and fastened in the spiral bindings of that notebook was a ballpoint pen. He could use that pen to draw a mustache on Takagi's face!
A low-pitched giggle slipped out as Nishikata leaned down and reached for the pen. This is payback for all the times I lost, he thought victoriously. But as he freed the pen from the book, he stopped short.
What the heck am I thinking?! Takagi is sick because of my own selfishness and now I just waltz in and mess with her even more? What's wrong with me?!
Nishikata shook his head again, chiding himself, and slowly reached down to put the pen back in its place. He didn't mind another challenge or prank, but it had to be proper, whatever that meant.
At that moment, Takagi's phone lit up with a new message. It didn't buzz as that would have woken her up, but showed several unread messages from her mom, grandma, Sumire, and the latest—their classmate Shibasaki?! Why was he messaging her?
Nishikata knew snooping wasn't good, but curiosity was getting the best of him. He leaned over further to preview the messages, reached out to expand the first one on the lock screen, and-
-and suddenly Takagi's hand was grasping his outstretched arm, freezing him mid-stride and nearly making him yelp in surprise. Nishikata's heart skipped a beat as his eyes bolted to Takagi to see her now lying on her back, rubbing her eyes with her free hand. Her grip grew tighter.
"Nishy... Nishikata," Takagi said drearily, peering up at him and blinking slowly. Her free arm slowly levitated towards him until she was grasping his forearm with both hands. "Am I.. Am I dreaming again, Nishikata?"
Nishikata stood torn, still anxious to see what Shibasaki wanted, but perhaps Takagi waking up was another sign to stop thinking only for himself.
"Hi, Takagi," he replied nervously, "Um, no, you're awake... I think."
Takagi took several more slow blinks, then let out a large yawn, which turned into a fit of coughs halfway through. Yep, she was definitely still sick, her pale face lacking the usual tint of rosiness in her cheeks. Once the bout had passed, she looked back up, her eyes gradually adjusting to the light and opening more.
"Nishikata.. wh-what are you doing here?" Takagi let go of his arm and tried sitting up, but again started coughing.
"T-Take it easy," he said, gently pushing her back down, "I brought over a few days of homework and your mom asked me to give you some medicine, that's all."
"My mom..." Takagi repeated, her brow furrowed in confusion. She glanced at the window, which had the curtains drawn that blocked most of the afternoon light, using a drawstring to pull them open slightly. "What time is it..?" She reached for her phone, looking through it.
"Oh, she had to run to the office... happens sometimes," she said, reading through her texts. A few seconds later she put it down beside her, turning her attention back to a sweating Nishikata.
"I don't feel so good," she said quietly, putting her hand to her forehead. "Fair warning Nishy, my mom says I get kinda deleriouus - d-deleeerrus - delirious when I'm sick, so you should stay faaaar away if you don't want me to tease you even more relentlessly." She let out a half-giggle. "But oh wait, I do that anyway, so you can just a-admit defeat now."
Nishikata was taken aback and narrowed his eyes, this sounded like a younger Takagi. Why is she calling me Nishy? Is that another side-effect?
"I don't know about that, but your mom says you need to take this now," he replied, holding out the bottle of cold medicine for her to take. "The directions say one tablespoon for our age."
Takagi pulled the covers up right up to her chin and let out another yawn. "I can't do much with just that, Nishikata," she said with another funny giggle, "I need a taaablespoon."
Oh, duh. Takagi suddenly stretched out an arm towards him, nearly reaching his arm again. "Let's go to the kitchen and get one," she said with a bit of a slur, "Then we'll watch a movie."
Takagi wasn't kidding when she said she got delirious when sick - that was pretty much the only normal thing she had said. Why hadn't her mom tipped him off? Still, Nishikata couldn't help but blush at all the forward suggestions. Was she- was she really back to teasing him hardcore again, just like that? She had this ever-present slight upward-twitch of her lips again, as if everything around her was an adventure.
Takagi suddenly began sitting up again, enough to brush his arm with her fingers. "Let's g-go-ooo-" her impatience was cut off again, turning into another fit of coughs.
"No, you're too sick," Nishikata replied, pushing her back down again, "I'll just go grab one and bring it back."
"No. You can't leave," Takagi retorted stubbornly, endlessly reaching for his arm, "I'll be lonely again."
Okay, she's just sick, she isn't thinking straight, Nishikata thought nervously as he allowed Takagi to hold his wrist, She's been cramped up in here most of the week anyway.
"B-but you still need to take your medicine..."
Takagi let out a high-pitched laugh, which sounded impressively full given her weak voice—she was finding everything funny right now. "You just pppop the lid off-" she made a gesture and sound for effect then reclaimed her handhold on his arm, "then fill it to the line, then feed it to me."
"Ah, if we didn't need a tablespoon after all then why did- wait what?!"
Takagi grinned and tugged on Nishikata's wrist, pulling the blushing boy closer. "You heard me. It's my win if Nishy gets embarrassed while feeding me."
"Emb-barrassed?" Nishikata retorted, pivoting his neck as far as possible to hide his intense blush, "Why would I b-be embarrassed?" He suddenly felt much younger as well.
Takagi tugged him closer despite his resistance, now claiming his elbow. Her face was far too close to his now, he could practically feel the heat from her fever. "You said it yourself, I'm faaaar too sick to do it alone. So you need to feed me!" He gritted his teeth—what was going on? She hadn't teased him like this since summer!
"Hmmm? Is it already my win? I thhhink it is!" she declared triumphantly. Nishikata growled in disagreement and pulled away, taking a few steps back to compose himself. He hadn't agreed to any feeding challenge, yet now he had to. She knew he got embarrassed about this. Takagi was directing his every move from the moment she woke up with such fluency, and she wasn't even fully present! ...Or was she?
Nishikata peaked back and saw her smiling at him mischievously, her eyelids close together almost as if she were squinting. Competition.
Maybe he should have drawn that mustache on her after all.
As much as Nishikata disliked being teased, he was thoroughly enjoying Takagi's mood—he couldn't remember the last time she was quite like this, and now that he understood his feelings for her, it was far more exciting. As he thought about it more—he was getting to feed his crush? She wanted that?
But as quickly as that excitement began to flow, it ebbed. Nishikata knew she didn't like him—not only had she made it clear that her kite-handholding was teasing, Takagi herself had told him about her crush just last week after he misled her about his own. If it were the same boy as she liked a year ago, then he was in their classroom; Nishikata could still remember her mentioning that at school once. He glanced at her phone again, a spark of jealousy boiling up from deep inside.
It wasn't like Takagi was already in a relationship, but now pursuing her seemed insurmountable. He hadn't given up yet, but was completely unsure what to do.
Yet another sudden bout of coughing erupted from behind and snapped Nishikata out of it. Why can't I just do my job, she's getting worse! She's just teasing me this much because she's too sick to realize it, I can't take advantage of that.
He couldn't prolong her medicine another second, even if she didn't know better. Nishikata turned back, fully aware that his own blush had not fully disappeared, and carefully poured some medicine into the lid. Takagi opened her mouth with an "Aaahhhh," and with a shaking hand he brought the lid to her lips.
When she had finished, Nishikata screwed the lid back on the bottle and set it on her desk. "You were less embarrassed than I thought, Nishy," Takagi called as he walked back, making him blush at the nickname yet again, "But I felt you wince when your finger brushed my lips, so I think you still lost."
Nishikata turned away and gawked. How did she pick up on everything even when this sick?!
"...Does that count as an indirect kiss, Nishy?" he heard from behind, "Or really, it was pretty direct. How direct does a kiss need to be, anyway?"
Why exactly did I think I was missing this level of teasing? Nishikata thought in a combination of annoyance, nostalgia, and amusement. He could hear Takagi panting slightly from all the talking.
It was useless hiding from her anyhow. "You need to rest," Nishikata said, stepping back and pulling up the covers she had pushed down, "Or else you won't get better."
Takagi stuck her tongue out at him, but settled into her bed again and turned onto her side. But as he reached for his bag to leave, task accomplished, she interrupted him.
"Don't leave me," Takagi called quietly, head turned away. "I won't tease you."
That wasn't the issue—Nishikata felt a bit weird lingering in her room longer than necessary. And they were friends, but since it was just that, he hadn't really determined what to do about it.
Still, he shook his head and gave a "hmph" of agreement, then moved to sit over at her desk. Takagi momentarily turned to check that he was still there before rolling back over.
Nishikata stayed for several minutes, first scrolling through his phone then thinking better of it and exploring the room in more detail. Everything was neat and tidy, currently the opposite of his own room, with the few pens and markers all organized into a cup holder on her desk. He smiled as he found the red hairpin he had given her nestled in the cup holder as well.
There was a bookshelf by Takagi's desk with a moderate amount of books carefully arranged. Most were larger chapter books or nonfiction, but upon looking closer, he realized that she had bought the same 100% Unrequited Love manga series too! In fact, Takagi even had the latest two volume that Nishikata had been too distracted to buy.
He would read a little, then go. Takagi needed to actually sleep to get better, and the sound of flipping pages wouldn't help.
Catching up on his favorite series quickly drew Nishikata in and he lost track of time. He hadn't realized that the movie was coming out so soon. The wind picked up outside as he read, beginning to howl as the icy windstorm picked up. Nishikata had planned to be back at home well before it began, but having the volume right in front of him and honoring delirious Takagi's request were both too enticing.
Some time later, Nishikata heard Takagi shifting around. After finishing the chapter he noted his spot in the book and turned to see her sitting at her bedside, sipping from a water bottle. She already looked better, with a lot more color back in her cheeks, obvious even with the approaching sunset giving the room a yellowy hue.
"Did you get any more rest?" he asked, putting the book back.
"Mmm." Takagi glanced at him for a moment, gave a half-hearted shrug, then looked away.
"Well, I should get going," Nishikata said, "Your mom will probably be back soon."
Takagi said nothing. Months ago he would have thought her expressionless, but he was learning to pick up on small signs—the tiniest droop in her eyelids, the way her hand grasped at the bunched-up blankets—that showed she was troubled. Just like earlier.
"I'm thinking a lot more clearly now," she finally said, "Sorry about all that stuff I said, I feel pretty silly."
"Nah, I didn't mind it," Nishikata replied with a lopsided grin. In reality, it was a welcome treat. Takagi met his eyes again and smiled back slightly, but then looked away, making him raise an eyebrow.
Is she... being shy?
An all-too-recent picture of an irritated Takagi storming away, tripping, and crashing into the lake shore fogged Nishikata's mind and he shuddered. That was a result of him not taking Takagi's feelings into account, and he wouldn't mess up again. Especially now that she didn't seem to like him, he didn't need to worry about charming her like Ikeo, Kyunko's red-headed love interest.
"...So then.. I guess I'll see you at school?" Takagi quietly offered.
Takagi was looking better physically but worse emotionally. She could have still been troubled by her Grandma, but Nishikata had a feeling that that wasn't the full picture.
He couldn't just let her be without trying to reach out.
So Nishikata took a risk. He approached Takagi to grab his bag by her nightstand. But instead of grabbing it, Nishikata sat down next to his friend on the edge of the bed. Oddly their roles had reversed, with Takagi now trying to be considerate of Nishikata's time and him wanting to stay. She gave him one of her signature Takagi-smiles as he did, but he could sense that she hadn't expected it.
..And as he sat there, he once again realized how pitifully little he actually knew about feelings nor thinking ahead.
"Uhm.. H-How's your foot?" Nishikata said, pointing weakly towards the ankle that had started giving her troubles at the end of their hike.
"Oh, it's basically all better now, it's just this cold I need to get over and I'll be back to 100 percent!"
"Uh, th-that's good," he stammered, scrambling for a way to help Takagi in a non-weird way and of course blushing in the meantime. She noticed and her eyes were temporarily narrowed in an about-to-tease-you sort of fashion, but a split second later it was gone. Takagi looked at him expectantly.
He took a deep breath. No turning back now.
"Well, du-during the da- during our hike last week, I just-I felt like something was off."
Nishikata just sat there, unable to get out more words. Say something, you idiot! he yelled at himself mentally. Takagi had already said she didn't want to talk about her grandma, so he couldn't actually just press her like this, right? If she didn't want anything, who was he to force her to open up anyway?
"I agree," Takagi suddenly responded, staring into a picture on the other end of her room. "You're probably referring to me getting all upset. I'm sorry about that too."
Nishikata shook his head, that wasn't his intention. "No, you had a right, I was being inconsiderate, I shouldn't have been so focused on trying to- other things."
Takagi coughed quietly. Her expression had become very unreadable, but her fingers had twitched slightly, a visual indicator of her distress that Nishikata was getting better at noticing.
"So I'm sorry," he continued, watching her fingers from the corner of his eye, "You know better than anyone how b-bad I am at... at relationship stuff,"—that was the truth, in multiple senses—"But I shouldn't have pushed that, with you going through something."
Takagi's hand suddenly clenched tightly into a shaking fist, but a quarter-second later she shifted to sit on her hand, teetering back and forth on her bed as if nothing was amiss. If he had blinked he would have missed it. He had struck a hidden nerve.
"There's nothing to be sorry about," she replied with a shrug. An adorable, dimpled smile was painted across her face. Takagi was really good at looking happy and cute. But for once, he could see straight through it.
As hard as Nishikata had fallen for her, there were more important things on Takagi's mind, something she clearly wasn't getting through on her own even after struggling to. She needed a supportive close friend, not a boyfriend.
"Have you been having fun in school this past week without me?" Takagi asked, "Hanging out with Hama- with Kimura-kun and the others? Or... maybe Mina-chan?"
Mina-san? Nishikata thought in confusion, raising an eyebrow. But then he shook his head—Takagi was trying to divert the conversation away from her own struggles as always. How ironic it was for her to tease and embarrass him endlessly, yet be too nice to burden him with things that actually mattered. He cocked his head slightly, somehow actually feeling pity for her.
"Takagi..."
He heard her intake of breath, quiet but sharp. Nishikata had taken her left arm without even thinking, as she had done to him earlier. Takagi met his eyes and he noticed a little more color in her cheeks than even before.
"I know you aren't okay. I don't know what's wrong, but I wish I did. You don't have to go through everything by yourself, it really doesn't bother me at all. So if you ever decide you want to tell me about it, I'll be here."
For once, her eyes had stayed glued to his, and had widened almost imperceptibly. He waited a few seconds, then tightened his grip on her arm and leaned in ever-so-slightly. "You're my best friend, Takagi," he whispered, ignoring the blush he felt spreading across his features, "and I really care about you."
Nishikata had found the words and spoken them more clearly than he could have dreamed of. She continued to stare into him. For some reason, he could feel his eyes starting to water, and felt the embarrassment rushing in like tidal waves after the break in tide, after those words. He could barely hold her gaze for a few seconds. She probably thought he was weird. Now was a good time to go, for real.
He let her go then awkwardly stood up and reached for his bag, fumbling in the process. He quickly double-checked it for papers and found a stray A- test result that Takagi had earned. "Good job, see you later," he said hastily, thrusting it into her hands, then he bolted for the door.
"I can't."
The whisper was so soft that he barely heard it, but it was there. Nishikata froze, his hand poised on the doorknob to shut her door. He slowly peeked back into her room.
Takagi was still sitting on her bedside, but in place of her smile was a pained grimace, and stress lines had appeared on her forehead. She was clenching the paper tightly to the point of crumpling it.
Nishikata's shame was instantly gone. "Why can't you tell me?" he asked faintly, stepping back into her room. She glanced at the doorway and then to him, looking so uncharacteristically unsettled. She wasn't hiding her emotions anymore.
"I can't... I can't..." Takagi repeated quietly, seemingly to herself.
Nishikata stepped feebly back up to Takagi's bed and carefully sat down besides her once more. As he did, she stared at him with wide eyes, with a look of sheer panic. Whatever it was, it was worse than he thought.
"You need to go right now, I can't..."
It panged his heart to see her so distressed. And for the first time ever, he felt a spark - he wanted to give her a hug. He wanted to hold her, to comfort her.
"You don't have to do anything, Takagi," Nishikata said reassuringly, "Only if you want to. Whatever makes you happy."
She stared at him silently, and he wanted so badly to just hug her. But she could be weirded out by that. So Nishikata did the next best thing, something he knew she was okay with - he took her trembling fist in his, and held it tightly.
She gasped, her lips trembling as well, then she slowly opened her mouth.
"I lo- ..I l-..." Takagi broke away coughing for a few seconds, her hand trembling even more violently in his.
"I care about you too, Nishikata," she finally said, wiping her eyes. "You're the sweetest person I know. It's just that I'm a- I'm a-"
"I'm living a lie!"
She's opening up, Nishikata thought breathlessly, she's finally telling me, she- what does she mean?
"I'm just a big liar, Nishikata, I'm a fake, I don't deserve your attention after I-"
"You're not a liar, you're the most genuine person I know!" Nishikata interrupted vehemently, gripping her hand far tighter.
"I am a liar, I'm doing it right now! I used to tell the truth, but now I'm like a shadow! I can't even tell you what I'm upset about!"
"You're both pretty and amazing Takagi, stop saying that!" Nishikata retorted all-too openly, instinctively reaching over and grabbing her other fist. He could feel a different type of heat emanating throughout him - anger, anger at something, anger at whatever was making her sad.
"P-please stop being nice, Nishikata, you're making it harder," Takagi said with such a shaky voice that he thought it would break. He felt her tugging at her hands but he held them tightly, so she wiped her cheeks on her pajama shirt.
"Why do you feel those things?" Nishikata asked, trying to control his emotions. He could feel the blood pulsing through his own shaking hands now, and willed them calm down. All this extra stress could not be good for a sick girl.
Takagi took several deep breaths, and her fists slowly unraveled until her hands were softly supported by his.
"It's the same thing as you, maybe," Takagi finally said weakly, her eyes red but not actively tearing up. Her fingers slowly interlaced with his, but he barely noticed.
"...What do you mean?"
Takagi shook her head sadly, her lower lip sticking slightly out. "No. It can't be you that I tell. I have to hide it."
She hung her head and coughed again, looking miserable.
"You don't have to hide anything. I won't get mad, I'm here for you. I promise."
Her head gave little shakes back and forth for another minute, but they slowly dwindled away into nothing. A minute later, she gave some sort of a shrug.
A few seconds later, she suddenly looked into his eyes, her gaze flashing so intently that he felt she could read his every thought.
"Just like you, I have a crush, I said so last week. There's a boy that I like so much. I can't think about anything else. He's so nice to me that I can't contain it, I just love him." Takagi squeezed Nishikata's hands so tightly as she said that that it hurt.
But his heart was suddenly being painfully squeezed much harder.
"...But he isn't interested in me, not like that, and I stupidly screwed up any chance I had at ever changing that. And yet here we are, me screwing it up even more and just being selfish since I just can't hide this any longer. Not that it really matters."
She's been upset... about another boy.
Nishikata could feel the world around him begin falling and fading to black, as if his whole purpose was evaporating away into nothing. The incredible girl that he had never felt closer to, was struggling mightily with her love life and needed his best-friendly support. He knew the feeling all too well, and wanted to support her.
But it wasn't him.
"And I c-could never tell you who it is, Nishikata, but I want to tell him so badly even so, but I don't want to ruin our friendship over it! And I'm just digging a hole for myself right now confusing him even more, but what's the point, it can't work out now because I scared him away, and now he likes someone else!"
She loves him... he thought distantly, this much...
He just couldn't confuse, and possibly lose Takagi with his true feelings when she was this head-over-heels for someone else. This was a dead-end.
"And I don't want to give up, but I can't just live like this forever, I need to focus on other things, I mean..."
Nishikata was losing awareness. Takagi continued breathlessly talking on, venting out her packed-up emotions like a bursting dam, as he struggled to contain his. If Takagi had picked up on any of his intentions during their hike, this was as surefire a sign as ever that she wasn't interested. That small hope that he could win her back, that he could impress her, somehow learn to charm her back away from this other boy, was simply quashed as he realized how deeply her feelings ran for this other guy.
He had proclaimed it himself, Nishikata was Takagi's best friend. And she was relying on him by finally talking through her struggles at least in a veiled way, right now, as he had invited her to do. She would feel better after this, a tiny part of him hoped.
But he was offering literally no words of advice, every anguished word of hers bouncing off of him like it meant nothing. It wasn't like he could really help her with these feelings anyway, as he clearly knew nothing about them. Like, here they were, tightly holding hands, which was now obviously much more supportive and less romantic than Nishikata had imagined.
And despite everything, he still enjoyed holding Takagi's smooth, soft fingers in his own.
Takagi had mentioned it earlier, being selfish. As Nishikata's heart and hopes sank to the lowest they'd ever been, his desires got a step ahead of him. If he could never have her, never call Takagi as his own and him hers, he wanted to at least hug her first.
Hug her. Just once. Then never again. She needed the support right now anyway, right? A strange sense of adrenaline pumped through him, completely overriding his usual sheepish tendencies. Tears sprang to his eyes, and he couldn't bear to let her see them.
So as Takagi was talking with an emotionally-charged voice mid-sentence, he interrupted her not with words but with action. Nishikata let go of her little hands, slid his arms around her back, and pulled his crush into an affectionate embrace. She gasped and quieted down, but immediately returned the hug, nuzzling her head into his neck. She didn't question it for even a second.
They just sat there, for minutes, in their first true embrace, and it was incredible. Nishikata could feel Takagi's steady, quick heartbeat, smell her faint shampoo from her head, feel her warm body completely pressed up against his, and he loved it. Without a doubt, he loved her.
If this lasted forever, he wouldn't mind. Even if it was just comforting to her, to him it was everything. They fit together even more perfectly than puzzle pieces. He kept hugging her tighter and could have sworn that she was doing the same.
Takagi muttered something into his collarbone, something he couldn't quite understand. Three words.
With anguish, Nishikata knew it was over. He had already spent far too long holding her; she had probably said "please let go". He relinquished his tight hold on her, for her to slowly pull away just enough to look up at him.
Her huge brown eyes were slightly glazed over and were even more dazzling up close. Her tiny pointed nose was flawless even at hardly a few-inches distance. Even her lips, missing their usual lip gloss from being sick, seemed to shine to him.
She was perfect.
Nishikata could feel himself drawing in. The tiny sane part of his mind screamed virulently at him, no he couldn't kiss her, he didn't know how, he wasn't this selfish or out-of-control, she would hate him, he had already missed most of her concerns, she was sick and out of it, they were just friends, she was in love with someone else, he was supposed to be embarrassed by this, he couldn't!
Yet as hard as that part of him was slamming on the brakes, his face inched closer to hers. He couldn't stop.
Her lips parted slightly, and she drew closer as well. Their eyes fluttered closed, and their foreheads brushed. He angled his head slightly, drawing slowly closer, and-
Slam.
Nishikata's eyes burst open as the front door closed with a loud bang. Takagi's eyes had opened too, and were far too near his to focus on. Takagi's mom was back. They sprang apart, each hopping to opposite ends of the bedside.
"S-sorry," Nishikata spat out, his heartbeat all over the place and mind scrambling.
"No, sorry t-too," Takagi responded back faintly, holding her hand to her heart and panting again.
Nishikata glanced back at her—her face was bright red, probably nearly as much as his. He immediately turned back away, but had clearly gone way too far; she wasn't looking good.
"Thanks for c-comforting me, Nishikata," Takagi said quietly before he could speak up, turning and taking another sip of water. "You really are my best friend."
Nishikata smiled back doltishly, only now remembering how he had originally been supporting her in her struggle. He'd been trying to help her feel better about her crush, about her not being honest to him. As a friend. Definitely not trying to kiss her.
And yet, he had come so close, a centimeter away...
...And it was all in his head. Takagi was sick and fragile and finally opening up to him, and he was just taking advantage of her, ignoring her feelings like the last time all over again. Nishikata was imagining it, imagining like always that his feelings were two-sided and that she wanted to kiss him back, when he already knew that he was just the best friend.
This was unhealthy and had to stop. He wouldn't pursue her when she had her heart set on another. Having Takagi so close, yet so far, just hurt.
Nishikata needed to dismiss these feelings and move on. For the time being he needed to see her as a friend, and just that. Or else he'd have to keep feeling this way, over and over again.
So he got up, and left. Their closing conversation was pretty awkward, as Nishikata had stepped way over the line with personal boundaries. But Takagi insisted that she appreciated his presence and support, as lackluster as they were. At least she was being nice and still wanted him as a friend. That near-kiss was actually just his adrenaline-filled teenage mind misinterpreting and misremembering things.
As he stood at the doorway, Nishikata shed a tear. From now on, he would be Takagi's friend and no more. He would disentangle himself from these cursed feelings to keep them from strangling him any longer. He glanced one more time at her, meeting her eyes, and inaudibly whispered the three-word phrase he could finally admit out loud, just once.
"I love you."
He could have sworn that she whispered the same thing.
That was long, but a chapter break while Takagi was resting seemed unnatural so I opted to keep it in one. I realized a few days after finishing this that it starts out kind of similar to the manga chapter 160... that was unintentional. Please let me know what you think; constructive criticism is welcome!