Facing one's past wasn't easy. Even if it was facing the one regret one had. In my case, that was how I had treated Perdicus. While he wasn't what I had wanted for myself, I treated him unfairly.

And when we met again, my feelings for Xena already were confusing me. It was odd how I could admit I was in love with my warrior princess, but I couldn't even place them on parchment. And definitely couldn't tell anyone, especially Xena.

So when I was confronted with the man I grew up with and had been betrothed to, it brought back feelings I'd had for him. He was the one bright spot in my childhood, along with my sister.

Was that why I had been tempted to say I loved him? Was that why things nearly became out of control? And is that why I eventually married him? I hear a low growl as Xena has moved on to her next project and has lost track of the needle.

The growl wasn't because the needle found her thumb. It was because, once again, it's as if Xena can read my thoughts. As if she knows I'm writing of one of those defining moments for me.

Since it was so defining for me, it was painful for her. To have to watch as I struggled with my emotions, without being able to say what she was feeling, had to be the most difficult thing. At least up to that point in our travels together.

There were so many other painful moments for us both. I think for Xena, watching me marry Perdicus was one of those. But thinking I was dead…My stomach churns at the thought of either of us having to deal with the death of the other.

Instantly, Xena has her hands on my shoulders. She leans in and kisses the top of my head. These small displays of affection remind me of how we could barely look at one another at times, let alone touch.

And now, we can't stop touching. Even after all this time, Xena is the only one I ever want touching me. The only one I want to make love to. It was our journeys that led to this point in our lives. Including the loss of each other. Either to death or to someone else.

This truly was the first time I nearly left Xena. It was because of the confusion I felt. It was because I saw a side of Perdicus I never knew existed. And therefore I was tempted. I'm glad Perdicus was the one who placed an end to it.

Something I'll be grateful for. And yet, if Perdicus hadn't gone off fighting some more, would he have sought me out? Would he have asked me to marry him? So many what ifs that may never be answered.

And that was the story of our travels together. So many what ifs. I'm just grateful we traveled together, even if it was on different paths. And allowed for one another to learn and grow. Even if it was the most painful thing in the world…

BEWARE GREEKS BEARING GIFTS

Sadly, Gabrielle was still learning what exactly it took to fortify their travels. A half-eaten apple was not going to fortify either the warrior princess or the bard. It would barely be a tasty treat for Argo.

Or was it because Gabrielle remained so distracted by her feelings. Admitting she was in love with Xena was one thing. Traveling with her and hiding those feelings was another. Especially after they had nearly kissed.

It was something Gabrielle continued to wonder about. Had there been a kiss in the making? Or had the bard imagined the entire thing? The closest she had ever come to love was being engaged to Perdicus. And that was a childhood friendship at best.

Of course forgetting to pick up supplies had its advantage. Gabrielle had always wanted to see Troy. It was what legends were made of. A war that had endured for so long. And Helen. The face that had launched a thousand ships.

As Xena pointed out, it was war ships. Though it was Helen's beauty and appeal behind the war, Gabrielle could tell her best friend didn't agree with the actions. It made the bard wonder exactly how far her warrior princess would go for love. If ever she allowed herself that amazing sensation.

Just after fortifying herself with the meager half an apple, the usual sounds caught Gabrielle's attention. The bard remained with the man who had been injured while the warrior princess did her thing.

Why did it surprise Gabrielle that her best friend knew Helen of Troy? It didn't exactly sound as if they had parted as friends. Still, Helen had sent a trusted man in search of the warrior princess. It appeared the bard would be granted her wish after all. Which was to come face to face with the legendary Helen of Troy.

And there was Troy. Something Gabrielle never thought she would see for herself. Already the death surrounding the once great city was obvious. And the fact they would need to pass their own army wasn't lost on the bard.

Some plan. Gabrielle would have laughed if both their lives weren't in immediate danger. Running, pure and simple, was the plan. A little bit of luck and fighting were also involved. And for some unknown reason, the gates were opened and they were saved. For now.

And there Gabrielle was, face to face with her past. What had symbolized her growing up and accepting fate. A fate she never believed in. She had desired to see the world and to find true love.

While Gabrielle would always have some kinds of feelings for Perdicus, she never loved him. They had had some wonderful times as children. He even made it bearable to live in the village, at least at times.

Just a farmer? That's what Gabrielle had thought as well. He had been simple. Unlike the bard, he had not spoken out against the elders. In fact, Perdicus had gone along with whatever was expected of him.

Obviously, Perdicus wasn't the same, either. He was in command. Even though he was Greek like Xena and Gabrielle, he was listened to. And fought well. At least he had helped both gain entrance into the city.

And Xena was right when she said they had a great deal to discuss. But Gabrielle wasn't certain what to say. And in a way, was grateful when Perdicus was called away. While there were her old feelings of sorts for the man, her current feelings were all that mattered.

It wasn't long enough. Before Gabrielle knew it, she was face to face with her past. Yes, she had sprinted out of the village. And without saying goodbye. There was a part of her that would always regret at least not writing and telling Perdicus exactly why she could never have married him.

It was sweet, in a way. Perdicus had wanted to be somewhere love was worth fighting for. It was equally as sweet since Gabrielle was the one who had related those stories to him, so many years ago.

But the fact was, Perdicus wasn't a soldier. He didn't belong here. And while he might think he'd found his place, Gabrielle knew him well enough to know it wasn't true. But it was also unfortunate that the bard had no say in what her former fiancé did or didn't do anymore.

And yet, Gabrielle was hurt when Perdicus said he wasn't some lovesick kid anymore. Why? Because it was nice to know there was someone out there that loved you. And was willing to do anything for you.

While it seemed Xena was just that and had said she hadn't thought of her as a sister, Gabrielle continued to wonder. Was it as she dreamed of? Or was it nothing like what the bard was hoping for.

In a way, Gabrielle was responsible for Perdicus. If she hadn't left, he might not have left himself. And now he was out fighting. While it was a worthy cause, it could end up with her former fiancé dead.

And the callous way Perdicus attempted to sidestep the fact he could die. Write a story about it? While Gabrielle was a bard, could she ever write something so personal? Something that affected her so?

Already, Gabrielle had related many of their adventures. But had she revealed all there was to reveal? No. She had held back. And that was another reason why the bard had begun her own personal diaries.

Once again, Perdicus reacted. He took the bow and used the arrow that had taken one of the soldier's life. If it had been Xena doing such a thing, Gabrielle would have applauded and been impressed.

But because the bard couldn't reconcile the fact Perdicus was now a soldier and not a farmer, it had caught her off guard. And he continued with his leadership role. While not the highest ranked, it was clear his men respected him.

Even Xena reassuring her that Perdicus could take care of himself didn't help. So instead, Gabrielle turned the conversation to how to stop the war. Stopping the war would protect everyone, including Perdicus.

Xena wasn't certain what was happening, but was determined to discover the truth. Why couldn't that include Gabrielle? Hadn't she proven herself? And to be placed into the care of Perdicus?

Care? It was not even close to care. Instead of war, the Greek surrendered. Were even gifted with a horse. And the partying that continued, long into the night. No one was able to stand guard.

And where was Xena? True, she could take care of herself better than most. It wasn't like her to leave Gabrielle alone this long. Not when there was the potential for war to break out at any time.

And something happened. It was reminiscing. Gabrielle wasn't certain what it was. Perdicus was glad they'd found one another once again. But why? He almost seemed like the young boy who would do anything for her and follow her anywhere.

Before anything more could be said or done, chaos was breaking out. The horse was a trick. There were soldiers inside. After a night of partying, most of the army was incapable of even lifting a sword.

Everyone to the temple. It was the place that could be fortified. Plus there were supplies. While Gabrielle had wanted to help Xena search for Helen, she knew it was best she make certain as many made it to safety as possible.

The fact Paris was clueless was scary. A true leader should never let their guard down. It didn't matter if love was involved or not. To become this complacent was something unforgiveable to the men and women no longer living.

Was that why she had done it? Gabrielle had attempted to apologize. To tell Perdicus she was sorry. Why had she become so caught up in the moment? Why had her first kiss gone to her former fiancé? When she had hoped it would be Xena?

Luckily, there were the invading soldiers to worry about. Along with the safety of Paris and Helen. While Xena mixed her little trick, Gabrielle went to find them. Paris was now dead and Helen was missing.

Pairs' brother…It was nearly unthinkable. And yet, there were too many stories where one's best friend would turn on another. There are tales of fathers and sons, mothers and daughters or siblings all of who turned on one another. All for the sake of love.

It wasn't easy doing what Xena asked. It was the warrior princess the bard wanted to be with. Still, Gabrielle knew she was still too novice with the staff to truly help. At least here on the battlefield, she would have others helping her fight. Including Perdicus. Plus, she could guide the villagers to safety.

Finally, things had calmed. Helen was safe. Gabrielle shared her moment with Perdicus. Why had it surprised her so? That they could so easily go their separate ways? Because of the foolish kiss. One that was truly a moment in battle, nothing more.

And the way Xena nearly seemed relieved when she discovered for certain that Perdicus wouldn't be joining them. It fueled the fire that burned deep within. The one that continued to confuse Gabrielle. When? When would either finally admit their love? What would it take?

()()()()()()()()()()()()()

It was a good thing Xena's body was trained to use what little fuel she provided it. She remained so distracted. Never in the past would she have allowed their supplies to become so meager.

The near kiss. The nudging of Hermia. It was all leading to something Xena wasn't certain she was capable of. There hadn't truly been anyone she had loved or would allow herself to be loved by.

The only one Xena had truly allowed unconditional love from was her brother. Already Gabrielle loved her unconditionally, of that she had no doubt. But that love wasn't what Xena was looking for…

And leave it to Gabrielle to want to visit a war-torn area. While in one aspect Xena could understand why, there truly was nothing romantic about war. While the beauty of one woman might have been what sparked the war, it was beyond that. It was beyond one woman.

There was the fact Gabrielle's stomach wasn't quite as trained as Xena's. While it was near and was tempting, there was nothing left in Troy. There were how many left to support, and an entire army, with what little they could manage for themselves.

The familiar sound had Xena taking action. Someone was being assaulted. Hopefully she would be in time. The fight wasn't anything spectacular. But it was too late for the man who had been run through.

Gabrielle had attended the man. Xena was grateful her bard's first instincts still were to aid someone in need. It was only a matter of time when the staff in Gabrielle's hand would become an even greater temptation.

Maltiades? Xena couldn't quite place the name until he revealed who had sent him. Helen. There was a history there. It wasn't pleasant. But it wasn't the worst of her past. For most, it would be considered their worst.

And another funeral. Though Xena hadn't known Maltiades personally, he had proven the kind of man he was. And exactly how loyal he was. It was always the good ones, who sadly, didn't receive the reward of old age.

The remaining distance to Troy was made in mostly silence. Every so often, Gabrielle would wonder about the love. About the beauty that had started a war that was still being waged.

And when they arrived, it was how Xena had thought it would be. There was only one way inside. She only hoped Gabrielle could keep up. So far, her bard had proven herself. Of course, the warrior princess wouldn't allow anything to happen to either one of them.

Suddenly, there was someone who looked familiar. There was no time. They had to make certain Gabrielle was safely inside. And then they could all at least be behind the tall stone walls.

Xena wasn't so certain she wanted to thank him after discovering who he was. Perdicus? The one who was dull and boring? The one Gabrielle had been betrothed to? While she was grateful for his help, he wasn't someone she wanted to be friendly with.

For now, business would have to take priority. And Xena wouldn't stand in the way with anything that happened between Gabrielle and her ex. After all, the bard had left town suddenly. So there had to be some unfinished business.

Meeting who she was fighting for was as good as excuse as any. Xena made a mental note who was in charge, outside of Paris. A power play could always come into play. But first, she needed to speak to Helen and find out exactly why she had sent for Xena. After all these years.

Regulations? What exactly were those? Xena never had been one for true formality. Though she knew in certain circumstances it was necessary. If there weren't at least some regulations, there could be no leadership.

Leaving Gabrielle and Perdicus alone was not easy. But it would be simpler if Xena were to move about on her own. Helen would also most likely feel safer speaking to the warrior princess without witnesses.

It wasn't surprising Helen doubted she would come. While they'd had their differences, Xena wouldn't turn her back on someone she considered a friend, at least at one time. And having to relate the sad news about someone so loyal…

Did Helen truly think returning to the man who had instigated the war because she'd left would truly end the war? What about Paris? What about all the years spent fighting? It wasn't about her, sadly, anymore.

And that was exactly the point. Neither Paris nor Menelaus actually loved her. While they could use that for an excuse of continuing to wage a war, it was now about victory. It was about being the best and the victor.

Before anything more could be said, there was an interruption. Deiphobus was the one Perdicus had wanted Xena to meet with first. And first impressions were not flattering for the warrior. Hopefully Paris would be more understanding.

At first, Paris was. He understood fighting through her own countrymen to fight against them. That was until Xena had to pull her sword. The scar of the man she had fought attempting to defend Maltiades informed her of at least one traitor.

The fact Deiphobus killed the traitor spoke volumes. Any true leader and warrior knew it would be better to leave them alive and ask questions. But Deiphobus made certain the man was dead.

And Paris said it all. The man was in Deiphobus' personal guard. What did that say? If Deiphobus couldn't tell he was a traitor, he was inept. And if not inept, he was the true traitor. And that made him gravely dangerous…

At least Paris now somewhat trusted her. That was a start. But there was so much happening. Personally, there was the fact Perdicus and Gabrielle were growing closer. Just how close was that…

Having Perdicus thank her was…Xena was aching inside. She loved Gabrielle, was in love with her, and yet couldn't make her happy. Not the way someone like Perdicus could. He could give her a home, stability.

Why was it Perdicus knew little to nothing about the men he fought for. Was he only after glory? For not being classified as merely a farmer? Or was this because the love of his life had left him? No matter the reason, he was dangerous.

Not only because Xena feared he would want Gabrielle for himself, but because he refused to actually believe in what he was fighting for. To investigate those he was aligning himself with.

Was Gabrielle asking about Perdicus' safety? Of course she was. Her bard, no matter her feelings, would be worried about Perdicus. It was like Xena's feelings for a few of her past loves. While not as strong as what she felt for Gabrielle, she would always, always remember them and wish only for their safety and happiness.

Xena was honest on both accounts. No, taking Helen back to Menelaus wouldn't solve anything, therefore she refused to do so. And she was honest when she said she wasn't certain what was happening, but that her senses were definitely on high alert.

The one thing Xena wasn't certain of, was how safe her bard was with Perdicus. While the man would fight till the death for Gabrielle, was her heart safe? The warrior princess, unfortunately, had little choice for what she must do next.

Finding Helen attempting to do the heroic thing was not helping matters. Xena had thought she had convinced her friend it was pointless. That the war had become about more than the love of a good woman.

The question posed caused Xena to shudder. What she do? Where would she go? If Gabrielle was still in love with Perdicus and chose to marry him? It wasn't something she liked to think about. It was time for action.

Following Deiphobus was easy. His attempting to assure Paris there was peace within grasp and that meant victory was too convenient. As conceited as Paris was, he would believe his brother over a practical stranger.

Beware Greeks bearing gifts. It was true. Xena had done things similar in the past. Yet Paris was convinced his brother was telling the truth. Blood was thicker than water. And yet, a true leader wouldn't just accept things on face value.

Paris was making Xena angry. The only reason to continue sorting things out was for the soldiers, the people of Troy and for Helen. His actions were hurting so many people. Potentially Gabrielle, which was unacceptable.

And once again, Xena found herself in a jail cell. It was the one thing the warrior princess couldn't decipher. What was in it for the man? And placing her against her own countryman. It was a low thing to do. At least Xena was able to use one of her legendary tricks to escape.

Her first priority, as always, was to locate Gabrielle. Once that had happened, she could locate Helen. The temple of Aphrodite was as safe as anywhere. And it would hold a majority of the villagers.

Gabrielle would do her thing, which was to make certain the innocents found safety. Perdicus would protect her. It was Helen who needed protecting. Even if it was from those who had sworn their allegiance to her, not so long ago.

Paris admitting he'd misjudged her was a little too late. And it wouldn't be the last time someone would think the worst of her. It wasn't that long ago her own mother had turned her back on the warrior princess.

Still Helen was convinced her surrender would end everything. It was beyond that. Hopefully there was another way. So many tricks Xena had learned over the years. Hopefully this one would come in handy.

Allowing Helen to have her moment with Paris was dangerous. And yet, Xena knew how much it could mean. She hoped if Gabrielle ever left her, they could have their moment. And it wasn't too brief.

The last thing Xena needed was to have to deal with Paris' unfortunate death and Helen missing. Holding off an army, while protecting innocents, was enough. Continuing to attempt to deal with her feelings for her bard and seeing her interact with Perdicus…

Thankfully, there was a way out of the walled in village. It was the same way the Trojans had entered the village. It was nice of them to give Xena and the rest a lift. Now, to fight and locate Deiphobus.

Finding Deiphobus wasn't all that difficult. Nor was defeating him. Leaving him like that would mean something to all he had betrayed. They could punish him far better than anything Xena could come up with.

It was sweet Helen felt guilty. But it was as Xena had said. Whether kings or mere commoners, those Hades bent on destruction would find any excuse. It was just Helen was a pawn this time around.

Helen wasn't certain of her future. Perdicus had heard of a new city, new adventure. At least Helen would be escorted. Hopefully both of them would find happiness and peace. And at least Perdicus wasn't in Gabrielle's life. For now…

Xena wanted to ask what Gabrielle thought of being the one left behind this time. But her answer could reveal her true feelings. The warrior princess wasn't certain she could handle that. At least she could use the humor to delay what she knew would most likely be a long discussion.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()

And the journey continued. Xena wasn't certain how to react. While she had attempted to deny it, there was something between Gabrielle and Perdicus. While it might merely be a reminder of home, the warrior princess was worried it was something more.

Even the call of home could be enough for Gabrielle to leave the warrior princess. While they had overcome the entire leaving behind in a village, it didn't mean the bard would outgrow Xena. Or at the very least, would become so homesick she would either temporarily, or worse, permanently leave Xena.

It had been two days since they had aided in ending another war. And yet, Xena had yet to bring up the subject of Perdicus. It seemed Gabrielle was more distracted than usual. She wasn't even writing in her scrolls.

Oh, Gabrielle still related her tales. In each village they came across, she would tell one of their many adventures together. It was a way the bard could help earn dinars to buy supplies.

Perhaps it was time to have the conversation. "What do you think Perdicus is doing?" Xena wasn't exactly prepared for the question, even if she had been contemplating asking it. She was upon Argo as they made their way to whatever adventure awaited them.

Xena pulled up hard. Argo skidded on the dry soil. There was a need for rain. It would aid in her suddenly dry throat. The warrior princess could barely speak. "Hopefully, he's safe. Though he was a decent fighter, I don't think he's a warrior."

Gabrielle sighed heavily. She wasn't certain why Xena had stopped so abruptly. Was it the randomness of the question? Or was it the same thoughts plaguing the young bard's mind. Exactly how did Xena feel about her? And vice versa.

"I know he's not. I'm worried what kind of toll it will take on him. If he keeps finding one war after another." Gabrielle glanced at the sun. It was probably another hour they could travel. But now seemed as good as any for them to make camp.

"Why don't we make camp." Xena could see and hear how worried her bard was. The only question? Could the warrior princess come up with the right words to satisfy her bard? To make certain Gabrielle would be all right?

"I am a little hungry." Xena couldn't help but laugh. Her bard was nearly always hungry. And it was how their latest adventure had begun. With a half-eaten apple and Gabrielle wanting to visit Troy.

It was the usual routine. Xena went hunting while Gabrielle prepared to cook it. While they had restocked some of their supplies, it was always better when they lived off the land. Perhaps the bard could find something for dessert.

The fish were frying in the pan, while Gabrielle made something she'd never made before. It was something that took a little bit of time, but was amazing. Hopefully, Xena would love the little dumplings.

Gabrielle turned the fish over and checked on her creation. "I used to think I knew him." The bard wasn't certain where this was coming from. And yet, she did. While she was in love with Xena, the thing she wanted always was for her warrior princess to be her best friend.

"When we first met and I told you about Perdicus, it's how I saw him." Xena was patient. She was sharpening her sword, waiting for her bard to say what she needed to. "He was boring. He was sweet. But wasn't interesting."

"And now that he's a fighter?" Xena wasn't certain she wanted to hear the answer. After all, if being a fighter was what intrigued Gabrielle…No. That's not what attracted the bard. Even Gabrielle's first crush, the warrior who was conflicted about following in his father's footsteps, had had a decent heart.

"It's not that he's a fighter. We didn't get much of a chance to talk." Gabrielle decided the fish was ready. Her little dumplings could wait for dessert. She cautiously dished up the meal.

Deliberately, Xena placed her sword in its place. Depending on how the conversation played out, she would return to polishing her sword. For now, she would attempt to enjoy the meal her best friend had prepared and try to be unbiased in assessing the situation.

"But what we did get to talk about reminded me of the good times as kids." Gabrielle took a cautious bite of her fish. It was good, but it was hot. "I still don't know if that would ever be enough to equate into a relationship."

"I don't have a lot of experience with relationships." Xena wasn't about to reveal she had been betrothed to one. And had been courted by another. One before she was a warlord, the other after. It had left her not wanting to entertain a committed relationship.

"I just know that having someone who truly understands you is actually a very good thing for a relationship." Xena wasn't certain she was making any sense. She was far from Cupid. Especially since she would prefer to have Gabrielle all to herself.

"True." Gabrielle was picking at her fish. "But did he ever really understand me?" The bard placed her half-eaten fish upon the bedroll. "I mean…" She sighed heavily. "No one in my village ever truly understood me. Not even my sister."

There was a beat before continuing. Once again, Xena was attempting to allow Gabrielle to work this out on her own. "I was always the one with the stories. I could make a story out of anything. And to most, village life was farming. Or being an innkeeper. Or whatever profession one was resigned to."

"When I left, Lilla joked she could beat me up." Glancing at the staff beside her bedroll, Gabrielle knew that wasn't true anymore. Not just because she knew how to use the weapon.

Inside and out, Gabrielle had grown. In ways Lilla probably never would. If only because she had remained in the village. The bard knew she should really write to her sister. At least let her family know she was doing all right.

There were rumors, most likely. But it wasn't coming directly from her. Just like she wanted to speak to Xena about writing to Cyrene. It would take forever for a messenger to make it to their villages, but it would give their families some peace of mind.

"If I think about it, that's how I should look at Perdicus and myself. Neither of us is the same as we were a handful of months ago." Gabrielle once again had her meal in hand. "And had we had time to truly get to know one another, things might have been different."

It caused Gabrielle's heart and soul to ache. Not because it wasn't true. She would always have a soft spot in her heart for Perdicus. And perhaps had they become reacquainted, things could have progressed.

But what she truly had wanted to say was that she was in love with Xena. No matter had Perdicus admitted he loved her would she have even considered settling down with him. But the bard didn't know for certain how Xena felt.

A coldness overcame Xena in that moment. She had opened her heart to the possibility that she could love Gabrielle. And she could have allowed herself to be loved. And she would allow the kind of love that went along with friendship.

But it was now clear that Gabrielle could never be in love with her. To look past her heinous deeds. And perhaps it wasn't even that. Perhaps it was as simple as the fact the bard couldn't look beyond the body and love the soul.

It was difficult to eat the remainder of the fish. And the dumplings were the greatest thing Xena had ever tasted. And her mother was the most amazing cook in the known world. If Cyrene knew she had thought that about anyone else's cooking…

As the fire was slowly dying down and the pair was finally settled in for the night, Xena was staring at the stars. There was a scent in the air. It wasn't the much needed rain. It was trouble. It was the fact that their relationship was about to face the ultimate test.

How could Xena know this? It was as with any of her many skills. The warrior princess didn't always know how she was able to do or sense the things she could. But just knew things.

As for Gabrielle, she was aching inside. While she had made it clear she had feelings for Perdicus, she had hoped Xena would speak up. That her warrior princess would be the one to finally say how she was feeling.

Perhaps what they needed was a little time apart. Gabrielle had hated the little time they had been apart before. But things had happened. And she was feeling lost. Like she needed to go home to find her true direction. She only hoped that direction still would include a path alongside Xena.