I didn't have the distinct pleasure of meeting all of Xena's former lovers in person. The worst was, of course, Caesar. His was not one of love, but of power. And his actions were what finished my soulmate's path to the darkness that engulfed her for so long.
There's a part of me that would have loved to have met M'Lilla and La Mao. Those two, strong women, attempted to influence my warrior princess so she would disembark from a path of self-destruction.
Meeting Marcus was something I wasn't prepared for. Especially not after our latest adventure. One, he had sacrificed himself to save an innocent. Two, he had been a bad boy, but with a heart of gold.
The most important reason I was unprepared to meet Marcus was because of how our last adventure had ended. As we traveled, I knew something had transpired between us. But the bump on the head had wiped my memory away.
It wasn't until much later, Xena had finally confessed what she had told me. It had hurt, not being able to remember what she had expressed. And the fact it could have saved Perdicus' life…
Had I known of Xena's feelings, meeting Marcus would have been…Even as a bard, I'm uncertain if have the words to describe my emotions knowing my soulmate was reuniting with her ex so that she could right a terrible wrong.
Jealousy was not something I was accustomed to feeling. Yes, I'd felt jealousy of the attention my sister received. Yes, I'd felt jealousy towards those that had traveled the world. Yes, I was jealous of storytellers around the world.
But the kind of jealousy I felt watching Marcus and Xena was unreal. As I sat upon that shore, awaiting my soulmate's return, I wondered what I would do if she were not to return.
I knew there was a very real possibility that Xena could perish as she and Marcus attempted to do the right thing. Hades was a god. We'd already witnessed the unpredictability of a god with our encounter with Ares.
It wasn't merely the power a god can wield. It was the other factor. Not remembering Xena's words, I had no idea how she truly felt. While I sensed she loved me the way I loved her, it hadn't been confirmed, at least not in words.
I was terrified. What if Xena had left me? What if I was alone in the mortal realm for the rest of my days? I feel hands upon my shoulders. I have to take a moment before I can continue to write this portion of the story.
I fear there will be other times when I am at a loss to discover the right words. Or that the emotions will be too grave for me to put quill to parchment. I ask forgiveness now. And hope those enchanted with my stories will understand and allow me and my soulmate a bit of privacy in such matters.
Back to the story at hand. A time that hurt me more than I realized as I look upon it. And yet, I know it hurt Xena even greater. If only because she had confessed her feelings, only to have her words forgotten.
There are so many things I understand, now that so many years have passed by. But as I was living them, I could not always understand. I'm certain Xena feels the same way. It's why I write these chronicles. Not so the future generations will know what we attempted to do. But so that we can both understand our journey together.
So, here I am on the journey of meeting one of Xena's exes. I wasn't prepared for it. Neither was my soulmate. And perhaps that's why everything unfolded as it did. As always, sometimes things happen for a reason.
MORTAL BELOVED
A ghost? That was a new one. Gabrielle and her warrior princess had faced many mortal enemies, but not one from beyond the next existence. If the frightened girl was to be believed, it was something new and different.
And yet, Gabrielle wasn't certain, even with Xena at her side, if she wanted to see a ghost for herself. Perhaps it would be best to remain at the inn. Perhaps she could entertain the patrons while her best friend investigated.
Since she wasn't certain how long Xena would be, the tale was a short one. But it was comical. It was necessary under the circumstances. The best part was the few dinars Gabrielle earned. With her supplies depleted, she was desperate for them.
It took a moment for Gabrielle to process what Xena was saying. Since she'd come back from attempting to discover if there was such a ghost, the bard couldn't quite digest the fact there was a ghost.
And what was more, the ghost was Xena's ex. Marcus had sought out the warrior princess because something wasn't right in the underworld. How could her best friend be so certain what she needed to do?
How could Xena even attempt to joke about getting to the other side one way or another? Gabrielle was not happy. How close had both come to death in the months they had traveled together? It was certainly not something to joke about.
What Xena spoke next about tore Gabrielle's heart from her body. The warrior princes, her warrior princess, had to save the man she loved. That said it all, didn't it? It meant the bard was nothing more than a sister to Xena.
Taking the chakram from Xena wasn't easy. It was as if her best friend was saying there was no return. It was more likely that it, along with her sword, would only weigh her down. For that reason alone, Gabrielle was grateful to take care of the warrior princess' meager, but prized, possessions.
Watching Xena dive into the lake was beyond words. Unfortunately, Gabrielle had untold amounts of time to think about everything. The one thing that remained so glaring, besides the potential for Xena's death once again, was how her warrior princess had acted the two days after she acquired a concussion.
Something had transpired, of that there was no doubt. Gabrielle knew that her warrior princess would not speak of whatever had. Not unless the bard was the first to reveal her feelings or whatever it was in regards to.
As Gabrielle attempted to place her thoughts in her scroll, strangers happened upon her. A festival could be exactly what the bard needed as a distraction and also inspiration for her writing.
But alas, Gabrielle had a loved one she was worried about. Who was placing herself in danger for the man she loved. But what about the bard? Why would Xena risk everything and possibly leave Gabrielle alone?
The day passed with the same thoughts running through Gabrielle's mind. She wasn't certain how she was to face Xena once again, knowing that if she saw her warrior princess, she would have seen her love.
The noise of the water caught Gabrielle's attention. But when she looked up, there was no one there. There was the sound of footsteps, but no visible sign. Until the man appeared out of thin air.
It was clear this man was a dangerous one. Gabrielle managed to fight the man. Xena would have been proud of her efforts. Even though they weren't as successful as she hoped. But she was alive.
And staring into Xena's eyes. The maniac had been driven off, but there was something else for Gabrielle to take in. Not only had her warrior princess returned, so had Marcus. A man who was supposed to be dead.
Atyminius could be anywhere. And that was dangerous, wielding the powers of Hades helmet. But what was more dangerous for the bard was the fact Marcus was there. And the way he looked at Xena, even when they feared for their lives…
Unfortunately whatever wound Gabrielle had inflicted wasn't all that damaging. Already the wound was beginning to heal. It would make tracking the maniac that much more difficult.
Camp for the night? Gabrielle wasn't certain even attempting to sleep was the wisest of choices. She intended to remain awake all night long. Even if she hadn't slept since discovering there was a ghost and who it belonged to.
Yet, there had to be something about knowing Xena was near. The next thing Gabrielle realized, she was being awakened and their ritual continued. Only it wasn't their usual ritual. There was a third party involved.
It was difficult to watch the interaction between Xena and Marcus. He was so much like the warrior princess. He'd been in battles. He'd tracked men. It was no wonder there was a connection between the two.
The distraction of the men hurt was a welcomed one, unfortunately. It didn't last long as Gabrielle heard what the festival entailed and why it would be a perfect target for Atyminus. The maniac's specialty was killing brides on the eve of their wedding.
As soon as they arrived, it was obvious Atyminus had already been here. People were acting as if they'd seen a ghost. In a way, they had. Now it was a race to make certain the bride knew what was in store for her and prevent her death.
The plan unfolded as they had devised, for once. Gabrielle knew what happened next. She was to join Marcus and Xena as they traveled back to the lake. The lake that could see both of them dead, once again.
The journey was a solemn one. Gabrielle knew for both Marcus and Xena, it meant saying goodbye once again. For the bard, it could mean losing her best friend. But there was so much more to it. Something she feared more than anything in the world.
Once again, Gabrielle found herself beyond words. She attempted to write. Instead, the bard found herself staring across the lake. Wondering what she would do if Xena weren't successful in the final leg of her journey.
It wasn't only making it to the bottom of the lake and avoiding death. It was what happened when Xena returned. Already, the warrior princess had proven she could survive. So it was the return of her best friend and what they would speak of that had Gabrielle so concerned.
As Gabrielle helped Xena to the shore, she couldn't think of what to say. The ultimate sacrifice was what was uttered. And what was that? To reassure her warrior princess that one day she and Marcus would be reunited.
The fact Xena said they would never be apart nearly caused Gabrielle to breakdown. The only thing giving her strength was the fact she knew Xena did love her, at least on some level. And that they could continue to travel together. Hopefully for a very long time.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
Xena was numb. Not that she didn't always walk through life with her feelings suppressed. It was different now. It had to be as she had confessed her love to Gabrielle. And her bard had not remembered. All because of a blasted concussion.
The distraction of a ghost was most welcomed. Xena didn't believe in spirits, but wasn't about to take a chance on something endangering anyone. And it would give her some space from her bard.
The warrior princess wasn't certain if it was her imagination or not, but it seemed Gabrielle was eager to remain behind. It could have merely been the fear of the unknown. But it felt like more. Or was Xena projecting her own feelings?
Xena wasn't prepared for the voice she heard. It couldn't be Marcus. And yet, if there was trouble, Marcus would seek her out. But what kind of trouble would there be in the underworld? And what could a mortal do.
Had Xena missed Marcus? Yes, she had. She had thought of him often. While she truly did love him, it wasn't necessarily because she was in love with him. It was regrets. She had to use him to save the princess.
Plus, Xena hadn't quite been able to get through to Marcus, at least not until it was too late. Why? He had known she could have saved the princess. And yet, she knew why. It had to be his move to attempt to be good.
Alconian Lake? It was known as one of the deepest lakes in the known world. There was legend that it could lead you to the underworld. If one could survive the dive. Xena knew she could. But the question was would she?
As she made her way back to the inn she had left her bard, Xena knew the answer. It was for Marcus and to right whatever was wrong. But more so, it was to separate herself from her bard.
It was even more clear they needed their separation. Gabrielle was, in a way, being selfish. Or was she being jealous? She was attempting to convince Xena she shouldn't make the trek to the lake or place her life on the line.
Consider the consequences? Xena was hurt her bard would even say that. While it must be difficult to accept the warrior princess had to do this, it hurt. But the callous words about making it one way or another were not fair.
Was it hurt or anger Xena witnessed when she had said she had to do this for the man she loved. If only the warrior princess could be certain Gabrielle was in love with her. She would take a chance and reveal her feelings once again.
Until the day Xena was certain, she would continue to guard herself. She would also study Gabrielle. Perhaps her young bard would finally reveal how she was feeling. And it would solve everything.
Until then, Xena had a mission to undertake. Leaving Gabrielle on the shore was the most difficult thing in the known world. Leaving her chakram behind wasn't the most difficult thing. If anyone could be entrusted with her weapon, it was her bard.
How Xena survived the dive, she was uncertain. Meeting Charon was surreal. And yet, the warrior princess acted as if it was an everyday occurrence. What was even more surreal was the banter between she and Charon.
The only way Xena was able to procure a seat upon Charon's boat was to promise to fix what was happening. It seemed to amuse Charon that a mere mortal would be able to settle the underworld.
Immediately, Xena knew something wasn't right. How could any child be condemned to Tartarus? The child was terrified as the warrior princess eased her from the overheated pool. Now if only she could reunite child with mother.
There wasn't time as Marcus was calling to her. While it did feel good to hold Marcus once again, it wasn't like when she held her bard. It was the truth that she had thought of Marcus a great deal.
What exactly had Marcus heard when she had thought of him? When Xena thought of Marcus, it was with love. But it was also with regret. And in some cases, anger that he didn't believe she would be able to save the princess.
Even the hardened warrior princess had to inwardly shiver when she had discovered it was Atyminus behind the mix up in the underworld. The fact he had Hades confined and use of the God's helmet made the situation that much graver.
The state of the Elysian Fields was something to behold. Not one innocent remained. It was all thugs, murderers and the worst of the worst. In fact, there were a number of evil doers that Xena had sent to Tartarus herself.
When Toxeus approached, Xena knew she'd have to be careful. Including informing him and the others how she had died. It would, most likely never happen, but falling off Argo was better than having someone run her through.
Toxeus talked a big game, but the moment Xena mentioned Atyminus, his tune changed instantly. If someone like Toxeus feared even the mention of Atyminus, it confirmed what the warrior princess already knew. Atyminus needed to be stopped. Any way possible.
As they left Toxeus behind, Xena realized something. There were no rules. Only the wicked were able to roam between the Elysian Fields and Tartarus. How was it Marcus was able to move between realms?
One good deed could not make up for a lifetime of evil. It hit Xena harder than she would have thought it would. Not only for Marcus, but for herself. The atrocities she had unleashed could never be forgiven. Therefore she could never be allowed in the Elysian Fields. And she would be separated from Gabrielle. For eternity and beyond.
Luckily, in a way, before Xena could dwell on the heart wrenching thought, Atyminus made himself know. Unluckily, the maniac could sense she was mortal. Instantly, the wicked turned on the warrior princess.
There was one thing Xena had always been good at. It was thinking on her feet. It was easy to turn the tables upon Atyminus. Throwing power of the helmet out there made the wicked want it for themselves.
It was chaos for a few moments. It left Toxeus without a head. But it also caused Xena to lose sight of Atyminus. Instead of attempting to discover his location, it might be better to speak with Hades.
Xena had fought many, but this was the first she had fought a harpie. As it turned out, they weren't too keen on fire. It made for disposing of them a little easier, though nothing was ever easy for the warrior princess.
A god who feared mortals. Did his power solely come from his helmet? Or was he merely the kind of god who sat upon the sidelines. It was different as Xena was used to dealing with Ares who took a great deal of interest in those he wanted for himself.
The fact Atyminus would be human in the mortal realm was a plus. But the fact remained, Marcus needed to prove himself. He was the one who had sought out Xena. Was it truly beyond the god to make Marcus mortal again?
The deal was struck. Forty-eight hours wasn't very long, but she would have to make the most of it. The fact Atyminus would arrive in the mortal realm the same way Xena had entered it caused the warrior princess to move at a heightened pace.
Her fears were instantly confirmed as the first thing Xena was able to see was her bard upon the ground with Atyminus about to take Gabrielle's life, if he hadn't already. It didn't take much to act.
Unfortunately, the maniac used the helmet to escape. At least Gabrielle would be all right, at least physically. It was emotionally the bard might not be able to recover. After all, it wasn't everyday one met a ghost.
Would the fact Marcus was her ex affect the bard more? Xena wasn't certain. There was little time for that as they had to move. Atyminus had the advantage, but he had left a trail to follow.
They would follow what trail they could discover until nightfall. It was true Atyminus wouldn't travel at night as his one advantage was void. It would be an interesting evening as Xena's true love would be asleep as she had to deal with her ex.
The bard's snores were adorable. Xena could listen to Gabrielle snore all evening long. Why? It meant her true love was there and unharmed. It meant she was still traveling with the one person in the known realm who could make her happy.
That was when Marcus made his presence known. There was a part of Xena who wanted to take comfort in his arms. She had loved him, more than anyone, at least before her bard. But a night of physical pleasure was not something she could allow for herself.
It wasn't because Marcus was only temporary. She knew her ex wanted to hold her, to touch her. The way he had said it was her that he had missed the most tugged at the warrior princess' heart.
For a moment, Marcus said the words that eased her conscience. Xena would blame herself for eternity for Marcus' death, even with having him say things had to play out the way they did. But it did help a little living with her choices.
So Marcus had heard how she was about to give up on love. Did he realize it wasn't merely because of his demise? It was because she didn't think she deserved love. And more importantly, didn't think her true love returned her feelings.
When Marcus spoke of her love being the only thing keeping him sane in Tartarus, Xena nearly lost it. She nearly gave into the physical side of love. She did say the words. And meant them more than she could even realize.
But to make love with Gabrielle sleeping so near was not something Xena could do. She hoped Marcus would understand as she halted the kiss and instead of continuing, merely held him in her arms the entire night.
In some ways, it felt as if she was cheating on Gabrielle. Any relationship she was tempted to forge would feel this way. The only intimate relationship she ever wanted to enjoy was with her bard. Even if it were to never happen.
Luckily, morning arrived and they were hastily on their way. They knew they were on the right path when they came across the stunned and beaten men. They hadn't seen who had done this to them. The need to hurry was an understatement.
A festival for a wedding? It was exactly what Atyminus would have dreamed of. Though the men could use some healing, it was more important to save the lives of the innocent villagers, especially for the young bride.
It was clear Atyminus was already in the village. It meant finding the bride, convincing her she was in danger and hoping she would agree to whatever plan they were to come up with.
As it turned out, both father and bride were easy to convince. Even better was the fact Xena knew Atyminus was listening to every word being spoken. It was easy to have Gabrielle play the part and they trap the maniac. It was also easy to dispatch the now mortal and take the helmet of invisibility.
Once again, Xena had to leave her bard behind. First, she had to convince Marcus there was no keeping the helmet. While it sounded good living a life of doing good, it was cheating death. In the long run, made them no better than a man such as Atyminus.
The one thing Xena wasn't going to stand for was Marcus in Tartarus, at least not without being judged once again. It meant returning to the underworld. Another interesting encounter with Charon, another fight with the harpies and she was standing before Hades.
It took less than Xena thought to convince Hades to judge Marcus again. Making it sound as if he was a weakling of a god probably had a great deal to do with that. All gods had an ego. One just had to know how to stroke it.
The most difficult thing in the world would be to never see Gabrielle again. The second was killing Marcus. While he would have died in a matter of time, it was at her blade she wanted him to die.
Why? Because it would show Marcus she loved him enough to let him go. To have made certain he had a chance to be in the Elysian Fields. It was an easy speech that convinced Hades. Seeing Marcus happy, if not alive, was enough of a reward for the warrior princess.
Yet the true reward was when Xena was able to emerge from the lake. When she was able to hold her bard once again. While she would withhold her feelings, for now, she knew there would never be another.
Xena hoped she hadn't hurt Gabrielle when she had said she would never be apart from Marcus. It was with anyone who had affected her so. Lyceus would forever be in her heart. While it was different, it was also the same. Marcus was a person who had affected her life, in the end, in the most positive of ways.
As Xena held her bard, she couldn't help staring into the murky depths of the water. It wasn't so much she was missing Marcus. It was the fact she now knew what she had. Not that she had not known. Now, she had to figure out how she was to make certain she never lost it. Even if it was merely traveling side by side. For eternity.
()()()()()()()()()()()()()
There was so much to talk about. Xena knew they had to talk. But what was there to say? If only Gabrielle remembered her confession, it would have made things much simpler. And yet, would it have?
Perhaps it had been a mistake to camp by the lake. Xena had been exhausted from her travel to the underworld. She wasn't even up for fishing or hunting. Luckily, there was rations from the previous village.
Gabrielle was quiet. She was involved in her scrolls. Xena wondered if it were her personal journal or if she was turning this latest adventure into a story. Either way, it was clear her bard was avoiding speaking to her.
"I'm sorry." Xena was stretched out, using her saddle for a pillow. Why was the warrior princess apologizing? She wasn't certain, but it felt like she had to say it. Hopefully, Gabrielle would understand.
"Why are you sorry?" Gabrielle blew on her parchment. She made certain the ink was dry before she cautiously rolled it and placed it into its case. The bard was through, for the evening, attempting to sort through her feelings.
Gabrielle was exhausted. While there had been some physicality to this latest adventure, it was the emotions. It was seeing Xena reconnect with one of her former lovers. And it was watching as the warrior princess chose him over the bard.
"I shouldn't have joked about making it one way or another." Xena rolled onto her back. Looking into emerald eyes was too much for the warrior princess to handle. Besides, she could easily give away the feelings she continued to bury deep within.
That was what Xena was sorry for? Gabrielle sighed. She had hoped they had come further than this. And yet, the way her warrior princess had acted after being injured should have informed her they were nearly back at the beginning.
Not to the point where Gabrielle feared being left behind or sent home. Still, they were returning to where communication was limited. It wasn't something she wanted. It wasn't something she was going to allow to continue.
The bard was now facing her warrior princess. "I know so much happened to us both the past week. Of all that happened, is it really what you are sorry for? Or are you ever going to share with me how you truly feel."
Luckily, Xena had a lifetime of restraining her emotions. Of not truly feeling. It was probably why she had delved so far into the darkness. It was why she had once been called The Destroyer of Nations as killing meant nothing to her.
Yet, this was different. Xena had admitted her feelings. She had told Gabrielle she loved her. That there would never be another for her. If only her bard not fallen and been injured, they could be reveling in their love. If Gabrielle returned her feelings.
"Gabrielle, it's not that simple." Xena managed to look her bard in the eyes. "You know merely traveling with me places you in danger. What would happen if we became more?" It was a hint at her true feelings.
Gabrielle sighed. She wasn't to receive an honest answer. It was disheartening. "I could take that as if you truly loved me. Or I could take it as you don't want it to appear to others we mean more than friends."
Silence reigned over the pair. Gabrielle was frustrated. Worse, she could feel the anger building within. It was time to end this. She wanted to know how her warrior princess felt towards her.
Perhaps tonight wasn't the night. It was too soon after Xena had to confront her feelings for Marcus. It wasn't easy to admit for the bard, but she realized how much Marcus had meant to her warrior princess.
It wasn't merely as a former lover. It was because Marcus had attempted to redeem himself. In a way, Xena had saw something in Marcus she saw in herself. While Xena would never accept redemption, she was attempting to make up for her past atrocities.
"Now I'm the one who should be sorry." Gabrielle cautiously made her way to her best friend. "Whether you love me as a sister or more, it's enough to know that you love me. And that we travel together."
Gabrielle couldn't bring herself to say more. What was the point? Once she had said she knew Xena loved her, the warrior princess had turned away. The love was clearly not what the bard wanted or needed. And that was perfectly all right.
For there was one thing Gabrielle could hold onto. It was what her chronicle had taught her. While she and Xena couldn't verbally admit their feelings, their actions would continually show the other how they felt.
In this case, Xena could have easily remained with Marcus. Yes, there was a chance they would not be in the Elysian Fields together. They could have used the helmet and remained together.
Instead, Xena returned. In fact, she apologized. For what, Gabrielle wasn't certain. At this point, it didn't matter. What did was to hold onto the hope that one day they would be more than friends.
It wouldn't be easy. Pretending to feel less than one never was. Putting on a mask. It was something Gabrielle knew her warrior princess was adept at. It was another reason the bard had hope.
So, while there would be days of darkness and despair, Gabrielle vowed there and then that she would enjoy her life with Xena. That she would revel in the touches and the glances. And the continued adventures they would enjoy. She only hoped the next adventure would be one of comedy. Of fun. Of joy. Her heart couldn't take breaking anymore for anyone.