The curious incident of the trip to the Seaside.
I was eight years old when mummy and daddy went missing.
We were at our cousins playing and mummy and daddy had taken the car to the beach.
They never came back.
My Auntie got everyone to look for mummy and daddy, but after a few days, it was clear that whatever had happened, mummy and daddy weren't coming back any time soon.
I'm the oldest, so I have to be strong. My twin brother Al is a bit of a cry-baby; it's been a week now and he's still crying. My name is Cassiopeia Iolanthe Potter-Black, I have five little brothers and sisters and this is the story of how we had to raise ourselves, with a little help from Grandma and Grandpa and Great Grandmother and Great Grandfather, and Great Aunt and Great Uncle Herzel, and Great Great Grandfather, and Great Great Grandmother, and Aunt Astoria, and Uncle Michael and Aunt Tracy and Aunty Hermione and Uncle George and Grandpa Weasely and Grandma Weasley and Aunty Fluer and Uncle Bill and Uncle Charlie and Uncle Neville and Aunty Hannah and Aunty Luna and Uncle Rolfe. We poor children, with only Jimmy the cook and Mrs Foster and old Derwent the gardener had to survive everything on our own. And I'm not allowed a pony, but that's another story.
Perhaps I should explain, that we're the most famous family in the entire world. Our mother, who is the most beautiful woman in the entire world, is the cleverest witch ever born. She made the business that is the basis of our families wealth, Black Books. We sell books, I think. Anyway, My father is the most famous and powerfullest wizard in the entire world, Harry Potter-Black. We live on top of a hill in Little Hangleton, which is a village full of muggles. Daddy made sure they can't see things they shouldn't, though sometimes we used to see things we shouldn't; mostly Daddy pushing himself against Mummy. Mummy got very cross when we saw that for some reason. Aunty Luna said it was blibbering humdingers; so I looked them up in the encyclopedia, and they're not there. Aunty Luna says strange things sometimes. I asked Uncle George, and he said Mummy and Daddy were just cuddling. Which wasn't true either; they cuddle up in the snug in the evenings and it didn't look like that at all. But I digress. (I learned that word from a book Aunty Hermione gave me for my seventh birthday.)
It had been three days since mummy and daddy had gone missing, and Grandma Greengrass was proving quite unreasonable. I'd asked and asked, and she still wouldn't give me a pony. And that's totally unfair, because mummy had a pony and then a horse. I suppose it's just part of being a poor orphan.
Al was being a suck-up as usual. He likes Grandma Weasely's tomato soup. Why we couldn't suffer along on Jimmy's cooking I don't understand. Grandma Weasley kept bursting into tears and hugging us. Fortunately, this was one time the quints came in helpful, absorbing all the excess hugs. Their ability to eat all the snacks, and sickening attempts at looking cute to get more were why they were all so spoiled.
Daddy always said there were no favourites in our house, then he'd kiss my head.
Aunty Hermione came to see us, and I suppose Grandma Weasley, looking very excited, and waving a newspaper.
It would be about us, after all we are the famousest family in the whole world.
Aunty Hermione, who is very clever and works for the Ministry, but has awful hair, so is inferior to mummy, kept saying something about the eye see double yew. And a near-breach of the statute of secrecy. I sat closer… on Grandma Weasley's knee so I could see.
"Caph…" said Aunty Hermione, "I think I know where your mummy and daddy are… and I think they're alive, but a little hurt."
I blinked and thought about this. Obviously, my life as a tragic orphan would be cut short, but I did rather miss mummy and daddy. Not as much as that big cry-baby Al, but they are the greatest parents in the entire world, a girl can't not miss them. Well except for Effie, but that's because she decided she's going to be just as beautiful and famous as mummy. Which is part of the problem with the quints. They're very selfish and have no grip on reality. Effie's got light brown hair, and mummy's is blonde.
"When are they back?" I asked.
Aunty Hermione didn't say immediately, and I detected a grown-up about to lie. Which is odd, because Aunty Hermione is pretty good about telling the truth usually. Except about which of us is the oldest, or the most beautiful. Al is so younger than me.
Grandma Weasley and Mrs Foster herded up all the quints and even found Al, who'd been hiding somewhere reading a book.
Then Aunty Hermione made a speech.
"Um… I need to tell you all that I know where, mostly anyway, where Harry and Daphne are" she said "They're alive, but they did get a little hurt. They won't be home right; away there's a little problem to sort out first." said Aunty Hermione.
The quints cheered. Al looked at me very oddly, a sort of 'why didn't you tell me earlier look'.
"I only found out when Aunty Hermione came to visit" I explained to Al.
The Grandma Weasley said something strange about eye see double yew and number grand, or something.
"I'm sure it will be fine" said Aunty Hermione, but she didn't sound very sure. If it had been mummy, she would have been sure, or sent daddy to work it out. This was, I realised the problem with being an orphan. Fortunately mummy and daddy were coming home soon, and we could get back to normal, even if mummy and grandma Greengrass wouldn't buy me a pony. Once I'd leaned all the magic there was at Hogwarts, I'd conjure my own pony. I'd have to wait till I was twelve, but I'm nothing if not patient. Well, except with the quints, they're such babies about everything.
"Aunty Hermione" I asked "Once I get my wand, can you teach me some magic?" I asked. Aunty Hermione knowing lots of spells at a young age is a feature of some of daddy's bedtime stories. They are a bit improbable sometimes, but adults do lie.
"Aren't you worried about your mummy and daddy still?" she asked, frowning, her hair falling around her head like a big brown dandelion.
"They'll be home tomorrow, won't they?" I asked.
Aunty Hermione's face froze still, and her mouth was stuck open. I had seen adults look like that. Sometimes the topic of Uncle Ron was mentioned, and Aunty Hermione would go all cross and leave the room, while Grandma Weasley looked like Aunty Hermione looked right now.
I wondered what to do. The problem, with having the greatest parents in the entire world is that when they're not around you have to make do with Aunts and Uncles and grand-parents and so on. What would mummy say. She'd probably look at daddy, raise one eyebrow and he'd go fix it.
If it had been mummy, what would she have said. I thought hard about that.
"Aunty Hermione you can tell us. When will mummy and daddy be home" I asked.
"I uh... don't know" she said, and bit her lip.
I was stunned. Aunty Tracey says Aunty Hermione's the biggest know-it-all in the entire world, so if she didn't know… there was a real problem.
Al spoke up. "Can we… go visit them?" he asked. Of course, I would have thought of that next, but my brother had to butt in.
[AN: Caph says I have to post this.]